Taxi (1978–1983): Season 4, Episode 9 - Of Mice and Tony - full transcript

(theme song playing)

Hey, Alex, can I talk to ya
for a second?

I got a problem.

You got a problem?
Sure, Tony, what is it?

Well, I'm at the crossroads
of my life and I'm
a little scared.

Yeah?
I mean, it's really
eatin' at me,

and you're standin' here
with this goofy grin
on your face.

I'm grinning?

Yeah, you have been ever
since I came in here.

Oh, I'm sorry,
I wasn't aware of it.

I'll stop.



Did I stop yet?

What'd you have, a great date
last night, Alex, or what?

No, no, no,
better than that.

I won 1,300 bucks
on yesterday's football game.

Are you kiddin'?
(laughing):
No.

Oh, you guys and that
gambling thing.

It's disgusting.

But I won it all from Louie.

Ooh. Mwah!

How-How many games
did you win?

All of them.
(Elaine screams)

Louie lost every game?

Every single one.
Man.

You know, losin' every game
is a new garage record.



ELAINE:
Yeah.
Yeah, you know,

I never thought anything would
make me feel sorry for Louie...

and I was right.

Well, why did you make
such a big bet?

Oh, it wasn't me. He insisted.

He'd been losing
a lot to me lately,

so he wanted to catch up.

(clattering)

Uh, can I have your attention?

Louie says that
if anybody laughs at,

or ridicules him when
he comes in, they're fired.

Is that understood?

(other muttering agreement)
Yeah, all right,
that sounds good.

Are you sure you understand?

(all muttering agreement)
We understand!

JEFF:
They understand, Louie.

(all jeering and laughing)

You all like
Ignatowski?

Shut up or he's a
cocker spaniel.

(grunts)

No brains, no pain.

Hey, Louie, come on,
come on, pay up.

Oh, I got a better idea,
Reiger.

Let's go double or nothin'
on tonight's game.

You win, I owe you $2,600.

Nah, nah, nah, nah.

Come on, you gotta.
What I gotta?

Because it's the code.

What code?

Guys.

It's a guys' code.

I mean, it's what guys do.

Ah...
I mean, it's--
come on, Reiger,

let's be guys.
I mean, come on.

What are we, animals
or something?

Let's be guys.
I want to be guys.

Don't you want
to be guys?

It's a guys' code!
All right, all right,
all right.

Okay.

If it means that
much to you,

I'll go double or nothing with
you on tonight's game.

ELAINE:
No, Alex!

Don't do this.
Get your money now!

Don't listen to her.

She's not guys.

All right.

Okay, thanks.

All right.
All right,
who do you want?

Well, the way you've
been going lately,

I'd be crazy not
to let you pick.

Me?
Mmm.

Okay.

All right, fine, I'll pick.

I'll take Oakland.

Fine.

What do you mean, fine?

Forget it, Reiger.

You got Oakland,
I'm taking Houston.

Okay, you got Houston.

Oh, you'd love me
to take Houston.

Well, think again.

I got Oakland.

Okay, you got Oakland.

Do I look like that
big a sap to you?

I want Houston and Oakland.

I can't do that. No. What?
Louie!

Pick.
Houston.

Cage.
Cage.

Hut, hut,
hut, hut.
Hut.

Hey, Alex,
can we talk now?

Oh, yeah, Tony,
I'm sorry.

Come on.
Uh, what's up?

Alex, I think I finally found
something in my life

to take the place
of boxing.

Oh, that's great, Tony.
What is it?

Managing.

See, I found this great
heavyweight down at my gym.

You think this guy's
really good, huh?
Alex,

I think this guy
could go all the way.

I mean, he won a bronze
medal at the Olympics.

He would have won a gold,

except he lost a split
decision to some Cuban.

Commie judges.
Yeah.

Anyway, uh, I think if I could
talk this guy into going pro,

and if I could talk him
into lettin' me manage him,

well, I think this guy
just needs the right guy

to bring him along.
Hey, wait a minute.

Now you're gettin' me excited,
but wait a minute,

you said there was a problem.
Now what's that problem?

I'm havin' lunch with him
today at Mario's, see?

And I'm kinda scared
because I'd feel real bad

if-if he didn't respect me
enough to say yes.

I mean, maybe I ain't got
what it takes.

Maybe I ain't good enough.

Ah, now, Tony,
listen to me.

What, Alex?
That's silly.

Silly?

Okay.

Thanks a lot, Alex.

You bet.

Ow!

Hey, Tommy, this is a real
important luncheon, see?

I'm tryin' to impress
somebody.

So, uh, would you try
and treat me like a big shot?

Sure.
Okay.

Okay, a-and make the place look
a little classy, will ya?

Would you like me to go home
and wash my hair?

I don't think there's time
for that, Tom.

Hey, Terry,
over here.
Hey, man.

Hey, how are ya?
All right.

Nice to see ya.
Sit down, sit down.
Hey, thanks.

There you go.

A little closer?
Yeah...

Hey, uh, hey, Tommy,

we're ready
to start eatin'.

Right away, Mr. Banta.

Uh, hey, I hope you don't mind
I ordered for us.

Uh, meatball sandwiches
all right with you?

Hey, yeah, I like
meatball sandwiches.

I knew it.

Thanks
for the "Mr. Banta."

And, uh, here's the phone

you always have on your table
when you eat here.

Nice... Nice touch.

Wow, all right!

Yeah. Did you hear
that joke

they were tellin' at the gym
the other day?
No.

The one about the, uh,
sailor and the parrot?
No.

Well, there's this sailor
who's got this parrot...

Oh, that one!

I heard it.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's good,
huh?

(phone ringing)

Excuse me a minute.

Sure thing.

Banta Management.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, right.

Yeah, mm-hmm.

Oh, I got it.

Yeah, okay.

Bye-bye.

Well, who was it?

Hey, it was personal.

But, uh, hey, Tommy, uh,
do me a favor--

send a giant mushroom pizza over
to my friend Pantuso, on me.

Hey, hey, man, you're good
on the phone.

Yeah, huh.

Hey, uh, hey, this is fun,
you know?

It's good to get out
with a friend.

I mean, somebody you like
and respect.

Yeah.
Wouldn't mind going
into business with.

Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.

Yeah.

(muffled):
Hey, Terry...

...the reason I asked you
today is...

you ever thought
about going pro?

(muffled):
Yeah, I thought about it.

I mean...

it's every fighter's dream,
you know?

You really think
I'm good enough?

Oh...

I got a lot...

I got a lot of faith
in you, Terry.

All you need is a little work.

Don't you worry,

I'll be right there
to help you.

(mumbling)

What are you talking about?

Oh...

Don't feel bad
about saying no,

but...

I would like to manage you.

(both mumbling)

...just you and
me, huh?

All the way, baby.
Look, uh,

I gotta go.
Oh, all right.

(mumbling)
Okay.

Oh... uh...

(mumbling)
Oh, yeah.

You're gonna manage him, huh?

Oh yeah, Tommy.

I just hope he can fight better
than he talks.

(crowd cheering on TV)

They scored! They scored!

Did you see that, Reiger?

They scored!

(hums happily)

Houston's comin'
back, you sap!

(laughs)

Three more points
and I win, Reiger!

Three more points.

Ya hear that, Elaine?

Three more points.

Go, Houston, Iggy!

I'll go.
No, no, no,
don't go to Houston.

Go, Houston.

All right...

it's an onside kick.

They recover.

Houston's ball
in Oakland territory!

The dream is ours!

(blowing raspberry)

I told you not
to let him off the hook.

Don't worry, Elaine.

There's less than a minute
to go.

Want another beer, Jim?

Uh, no, no, no, Alex.

I don't think he should
have any more.

Oh, Elaine...

I know exactly
when to stop.

(chuckles)

When?

When the pretzels
start dancin'.

When they all start
dancing...

the fox-trot.

I'm through.

(with British accent):
Hello. What's this?

Oh, hiya, Latka.

Sorry, Sir Geoffrey.

Oh, quite all right, Tommy.

Set me up with a pint,
would you?

Oh, that's a good fellow.

Could we change the station
on the telly, please?

Uh, Masterpiece Theater

is beginning an adaptation
of The Moon and Sixpence.

Need I say more?

Louie's watching the
football game.

Oh, I'm sure
he won't object

once he's under the spell
of Mr. Maugham.

(clears throat)

Oh, Alistair,

I'm mad for your tailor.

Uh, how about this,
Alistair?

I consider this a breach
of good taste.

Go back to merry
old nutland.

I pity you.

There's still such a thing
as a strong letter

to the Times, you know.

Get outta here.

Get out of here.

Hey, guys.

Elaine, Elaine, Alex and Jim,

this is my fighter,
Terry Carver.

Oh, hi.
The next heavyweight champion
of the world!

And I'm his new manager.

Well, hi, Terry.

You got a great
manager there.

Yeah, well, Terry's
one hell of a fighter.

I'm just glad I could
get him to turn pro.

Yeah, you know, my folks
didn't want me to.

I mean, they was afraid
I might hurt my hands

and wouldn't be able
to do my other job.

Oh... what's that?

Construction.

Well, it's, uh, something
to think about.

Hey, look, I-I
gotta go, uh,

it was nice meeting all
your pals, Tony.
Okay.

I'll see you out.
Nice to meet
you, Ter.

Hey, uh, Tony, can I, uh,

can I talk to you about
something for a second?

Oh, sure, uh, excuse me, uh,

I gotta talk to my kid.

Look, uh, I got
a call today

from this guy from
some kind of...

syndicate and he wants
to talk to me.

Something about buying me.

A syndicate?

Hey, you better stay away
from guys like that.

They're bad for boxing
and they're bad for you.

I told him I already
got a manager.

All right, Terry,
that's the way.

But he wants to talk
to me anyway.

I-I mean, just talk to me.

Hey, I swear, Tony,
you're my man.

In fact, if you don't
want me to talk to
him, I won't.

I don't want you
to talk to him.

Already said I would.

Oh.

Hey, let me just talk
to him, okay, Tony?

Uh, yeah, I guess.

Hey, thanks, Tony.

All right.

See ya later.
Okay.

TONY:
Good kid, huh?

ALEX:
Yeah. Good guy.

All right, all right,
shut up everybody!

They're gonna kick.

If they make this little
18-yard field goal,

I win, Reiger!

I win!

ANNOUNCER:
The ball's snapped...

The ball is snapped,

it's kicked, it's up in the air

and... it's no good!

It's no good.

He missed it!

It's wide left.

My grandmother could've
kicked it better

than that dumb Rumanian!

He missed it, Reiger!

I just lost $2,600!

My life is manure!

You feel terrible,
don't you, boss?

Iggy, I never felt
worse in my life.

Would you feel better

if I gave you the money
you just lost?

Of course I would.

Well, too bad.

I don't have it.

You pulled my ear.

I pulled your leg.

Hey, by the way, uh,
just out of curiosity,

you ever talk to them guys
from the syndicate?

Oh, yeah,
they took me to lunch.

Took you to
lunch, huh?

Where?
Oh, some crummy place,

couldn't even
afford menus.

I mean,
the guy came around

and told you
what you got to eat.

You're... You're
kidding me.

So what'd you
tell 'em?

I went for the veal.

No, no, no, I mean about
signing up with them.

Spread.
I told 'em the same thing
I told you,

I already got a manager
and I'm not interested.

Hey, thanks, Terry.

Anyway, they wanted to know
if it's all right

if they came to
the fight tonight.

I told 'em it's all right,

only if my manager say
it's all right.

Well, I don't want
'em here.

I already got 'em tickets.

Well, that's
okay, man,

let 'em see what they're
missing out on.

Ten minutes, guys.
Oh, hey, okay.

Hey, Terry,
did you call your mom?

Oh, not yet.
Let me just...
this hand.

All right, go ahead,
go call her.

Hey, Alex.

Thanks for being
Terry's second tonight.

I appreciate it.
Oh, that's all
right, Tony.

It's like, uh,
old times,

like when I used to
second for you.

There's only
one difference.

Terry's probably
gonna win.

Oh.

Just when I was gettin'
used to saying,

"Give him air, give him air."

Hey, Louie, you're not supposed
to be here.

Yeah, Louie, get outta here.

I don't want nobody
screwing this up.
Come on.

What, what, what, what?

Go easy here, go easy.

I'm not gonna screw
anything up.

I just came here
to wish you luck.

Yeah, sure.

Honest.

Thanks, Lou.

Well, how's it feel, Tone?

Well, I mean, don't put me
down for this, Louie,

but, uh...

I don't know, all my life

I had this feelin'
in the back of my mind

that it wasn't supposed
to happen for me.

You know, like I was jinxed;

like I had a albacore hangin'
around my neck.

But ever since Terry
signed up with me,

that feelin's been gone.

All of a sudden, I feel like
everything's right.

That's good enough for me.

Double or nothin',

Banta's kid goes down
for the count.

Oh, so that's what this is
all about, huh?

I'm not gonna bet you
on this fight.
Come on.

Come on, Reiger.
Come on.
No, no, I'm not
bettin'.

I got $5,200 in cash, Reiger.

I got $2,400 here,

I got $2,400 here,

I got a hundred dollars here
and a hundred dollars here

and $200 in Chase Manhattan.

Cash, huh?

Cash.

I gotta warn ya, Louie...

Tony's kid is pretty good.

He is?
Yeah.

How long's Banta
been training him?

A couple of weeks.

Please!

All right, Louie.

I'm gonna take you
up on this.

You know why?

Because you're
gonna lose.

That's right, Louie.

And this time, you're gonna
pay up every dime,

you understand?
Every dime.
Thanks, Reiger.

Thanks. Thank you.

Come on, let's go
get Terry ready.

All right,
before you go, uh,

can I offer a little
locker room prayer?

Come on, Louie.

May the fighters
fight fair,

may no one be hurt,

and may the best man win.

Well, that was very nice.
Yeah.

They're gone, God.
Let's talk bucks!

Bucks!

Okay, you fellas
know the rules.

I want-- I want you
to shake hands,

go to your corners,
and when you hear the bell,

come out fighting.

Okay, Terry, this is the start
of somethin' big for us.

I can feel it.

Go out there and
get this guy.

Get him. Get him.

(bell dings)

Get him, Terry, get him.

Look bad, now.

Jab, jab, jab, jab!

With your left hand!

Left hand!
Jab, jab, baby.

Oh yeah, oh yeah!

You're bad, man,
you're bad.

Get him, now,
get him.

Get him, man.
Ootch!

Don't say ootch! Get him.

Jab, jab.

He looks bad;
he looks bad.

Use that right now.

Throw your, throw your,
throw your, throw your...

Right!
Your right!

Get him! Get him!

All right, baby, get him!
You're the king, man.

You'll get him!
You're the best.

(whistling, cheering
and applause)

(shouting)

TONY:
Get him off you.

He's on you now.

(Tony shouting)

Jab, jab, jab!

(cheering and applause
continues)

REFEREE:
Two...

three... four...

five... six...

seven... eight...

nine... ten!

(whistling, cheering
and applause)

(knocking on door)

Yeah, who is it?

MAN:
This is the syndicate.

We want to speak
to Terry.

It's the syndicate.

Let them in.
I'll handle those goons.

TONY (quietly):
Back.
Here.

You're the syndicate?

Uh, actually we're
a medical corporation

looking
for investments.

My name is
Dr. Frazier.

I'm an ophthalmologist.

This is, uh, Dr. Gilman,
obstetrics.

How you doin'?

Dr. Baker, ears,
nose and throat.

Dr. Stokley,
internal medicine.

STOKLEY:
I specialize

in diseases of
the pancreas.

And this is Dr. Harden.

That was quite
a knockout.

I've never seen anybody
go out like that

and I'm an
anesthesiologist.

Uh, Terry, now, look,

uh, we don't want to
take advantage of you.

We're willing to split all
your winnings 90/10

in your favor.

All we want out of
this arrangement

is front row seats,

a good tax break, and a
chance to delude ourselves

that we're part of
the sports scene.

Uh, I don't know.
I don't know.

Terry, look,
we're offering you

a very good
guaranteed wage,

plus a full expense account,
a rent-free apartment,

all the best training and
all the best facilities.

We want what's best
for you, Terry.

Yo, see, it's not up to me,
anyway.

It's up to my manager.
Right.

Of course, now, we ain't got
no contract...

...but we did shake hands.

We did shake hands,
didn't we?

Lots of times.

Hey, you know...

Tone, you tell
me what to do.

I guess you gotta listen
to 'em, Terry.

I mean, they're startin'
to make sense.

I mean, bread helps.

And with me,
all it's gonna be

is a bunch of lousy hotels,
scrounging and scraping.

You deserve better.

We don't want
to leave you

out in the cold either,
Mr. Banta.

We've talked it over

and we would like to
buy Terry's contract

from you.
Sure.

You're talkin'
about my future, man.

You're talkin'
about dreams.

I mean, you're talkin' about
the one chance I had in my life

to be somebody.

What price could you
put on that?

How about $5,000?

That's plenty.

Uh, pardon me.

I have a debt to pay
to this gentleman.

Oh, yeah, would you
excuse us?

A little business.

Take it and die!

Die! Die! Die! Die!

Die! Die with
festering boil.

Die! Die! Die!

I'm sorry to interrupt.

Tone, you sure
this is all right?

Terry, I think you made
the right move.

But, listen, this means
I get ringside seats

to every one of your fights,
including the title.

You got it, man.
All right, bro.

Hey, you keep
punching, baby.
All right.

Great fight, uh,
great fight.
Hey.

All right.

What a guy.

Oh, my God.

Oh, baby.

Tony, here we are
standing here

with 10,000 bucks
between us.

(giggling):
Yeah.

We ought to have the greatest
meal of our life.

Yeah.

Where do you
want to eat?
How about Mario's?

Perfect.

(theme song playing)

WOMAN:
Good night, Mr. Walters!

(man grumbling)