Tall Tales & Legends (1985–1988): Season 1, Episode 5 - Johnny Appleseed - full transcript
One of the most
interesting heroes
to spring from our
country's folklore
is a man by the name of
Jonathan Chapman, better
known as Johnny Appleseed.
Now, some say
Johnny was a saint.
Others say he was nothing but
an apple-headed loony bird.
But all agree he left a living
legacy of apple orchards
across America's heartland
nearly 200 years ago,
orchards just like this one.
Here we are.
Sometimes, that
handle gets stuck.
Well, there she
is, all 40 acres.
To tell the truth,
I hate to sell.
But times are tough.
This ain't exactly the
golden age of farming.
Now, what was it you
wanted to put up here?
100 condos.
Gee.
I don't know.
Seems like a shame to waste
something so dang beautiful.
Well, they're apple trees.
See.
This is an apple, and
it grows on trees.
Doesn't grow in plastic
bags in a supermarket
as you might think.
Yes.
It is.
Pretty amazing.
Yep.
This old orchard
has quite a history.
It was planted by Mr.
Johnny Appleseed himself.
What?
You never heard of
Johnny Appleseed.
Where is it you
say you come from?
Venus?
You better sit right
down here, and I'm
going to tell you the
story of old Johnny,
because if you're going
to dig up all these trees
and put in a bunch of
Jacuzzis, you ought to know
the history of the place.
No.
I ain't got a pillow
for your rear end.
Just sit on the ground.
Now, the day Johnny
Chapman was born,
it was raining cats and dogs.
But the second he
came into this world.
The rain just stopped,
and a beautiful rainbow
arched across the sky and ran
smack into an apple tree right
outside of the bedroom window.
And I guess maybe that was
a sign of things to come,
'cause from that day
on, little Johnny
was just crazy about apples.
He'd only drink apple
juice from his baby bottle,
and he wouldn't even
go to sleep lest he
was lying under an apple tree.
And Johnny took on a few
more peculiar habits,
like refusing to
sleep or eat indoors.
Don't encourage him, Martha.
The kids
in town thought
Johnny had a loose marble,
so his only friends
were the animals.
And while other kids
had lemonade stands,
Johnny was operating a
roadside pet hospital.
I wouldn't worry, Lou.
It's just a little heartburn.
Nah.
No charge.
Next.
When Johnny
got to be about 18,
he decided to set out to
seek his fame and fortune.
Son.
I've packed you some apple
cookies, a little strudel,
and some dried apple slices
for you to nibble on.
Thanks, ma.
I forgot all about food.
You're throwing
away your future.
I know, Dad.
A bum.
Is that what you want
to do with your life?
Be a bum?
Dad, I just need to find
a place where I fit in.
Why can't you
fit in at Harvard?
Pull some strings.
Get you an interview.
But no.
You want to go traipsing
around looking for-- what
are you looking for anyway?
Well, I-- I guess I'm
just looking for me.
I'll save you a trip.
You're right here
in your front yard.
Oh, Warren.
It's just a phase.
He'll grow out of it.
Into what?
A full grown nut?
Goodbye, mom.
Bye, dad.
Get out of here, you
apple-headed loony bird.
Bye, dad.
But before
Johnny hit the road,
he stopped by the
general store to load
up on traveling supplies.
Hello, Mr. Goodwin.
Johnny.
Congratulations on Harvard.
-Oh no.
I'm not going to Harvard.
Instead, I'm-- I'm just going
to walk around the country,
and look at the trees,
and talk to the animals.
And maybe figure out my purpose
in this funny old world.
Your dad must be thrilled.
But first, I'm going to
need some traveling clothes.
Fine.
I have shirts, shoes, trousers.
Hey, this looks good.
That's a sack of
potatoes, Johnny.
Yeah.
I know, but-- but
look, Mr. Goodwin.
If-- if we cut a hole
in a sack for the head
and a couple more holes for
the arms this could be great.
You want to wear a burlap sack?
Sure.
Oh, and I'll need a hat
and a pot for cooking.
Here's a pot.
Now--
Wait a second.
Wait.
Mr. Good-- wait a second.
This-- this is a great idea.
This could be a pot and a hat.
How's it look?
Frankly, Johnny,
it looks stupid.
But very functional though,
because it saves me the trouble
of carrying around a pot.
Forget the hat.
I'm wearing the pot.
Fine.
Anything else?
Boots?
A canteen?
Blanket?
Potholders?
No.
No.
I think the pot and
the sack will do it.
Do you mind if I pay
you with apple seeds?
Oh, no need, Johnny.
It's on me.
Oh, thank you, Mr. Goodwin.
Well, I'm off.
Yes.
He's off all right.
Well, here I am cooking dinner.
And then, I'll eat it.
And then, I'll maybe
have some dessert.
Maybe another apple.
And then, I'll go to sleep.
And tomorrow, I'll
start walking some more.
Of course, I-- I
walked a lot today,
but I only got as far as here.
Maybe what I need
is-- is some kind
of reason for being out here.
I tell you, Johnny,
starting a hurricane
is murder on the hair.
-Who are you?
-Betty.
Betty Nature.
You probably know
me me as Mother.
You're Mother Nature?
Johnny, I see you out here in
my territory, wandering about.
And as far as I can tell,
you're just taking up space.
Yeah.
I know.
I was just thinking about that.
Look, Johnny.
Let me come right to the point.
I got a job for you.
You like apples, right?
I sure do.
Me too.
And at the moment, I have
a shortage of apple trees.
So what I want you to do
is go to the cider mills
and pick up as many apple
seeds as you can carry.
Then, I want you to
travel around the country
and plant apple orchards.
Really?
What a great job.
Why didn't I think of that?
I got to start
right this second.
Uh, Johnny, this is a dream.
Wait until you wake up.
Oh yeah.
Right.
And one more thing.
You're no longer Johnny Chapman.
From now on, you will
be Johnny Appleseed.
Johnny Appleseed.
That's nice.
I-- I like the way it
kinda rolls off the tongue.
Thank you, Mother Nature.
Betty.
Now, go on out
and make me proud.
Johnny Appleseed.
And so Johnny now
had his mission in life.
And he started planting
apples all over the country
like there was no tomorrow.
He traveled like the wind,
planting here, planting there.
Stopping only to take a quick
snooze or heal a sick animal.
Johnny even devised
his own original method
of planting, something
he called the apple
seed heel and toe hop.
Naturally, all this traveling
and hopping occasionally
brought him smack dab into
the middle of a settlement.
Gentlemen.
Gentlemen, I'm not pleased
with the quality of furs
that you're bringing to me.
But Mr. Smith, we're doing
the best we know how to.
Jed, did I give you
permission to speak?
I don't think so.
Now, where was I?
Oh yes.
Unless I see a dramatic
improvement, and I mean soon,
I will be forced to cut off
all your credit at my training
post, which means that
you and your homely
wives and disgusting little
children will starve.
But that would break my heart.
Gentleman, all I'm
asking for is a couple
thousand hides of
beaver, fox, and mink.
Is that so difficult?
Mink furs?
There ain't no
mink in these parts.
I know.
That's why they're so valuable.
Oh.
Now, get trapping.
Move it!
Pardon me, friends.
Could you direct me to
the local training post?
We ain't your friends.
Fine.
I can live with that.
You see, I'm in need of
some farming supplies.
We don't do
no farming around here.
Mr. Smith says
that's sissy work.
We're hunters and trappers.
We live off the
meat of the land.
Anybody home?
That's good.
Well, thank you for
your help, gentlemen.
That's one strange potato, Joe.
Cuckoo, Butch.
He's cuckoo.
Can I help?
--You shouldn't creep
up behind a fella like that.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to creep.
Oh no.
No.
I'm-- I'm sorry.
I overreacted.
I'm just not that
used to people.
Is that a pan on your head?
Oh no.
Actually, it's a pot.
I know it looks sort
of funny, but it's
actually very practical.
I like your burlap shirt.
I mean, pants.
Outfit.
I like it.
Well, it's just something
I threw together.
Oh, I'm Jenny Smith.
I work here.
My uncle owns this trading post.
Oh, Johnny Appleseed.
I like to plant.
-Gee.
I never met a man who planted.
Yeah, well.
I'm looking for mulch.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Mulch died about six months ago.
No.
I mean like manure.
May I help you?
Oh, hi, Uncle Jack.
Jenny, I don't recall
giving you permission
to talk to strangers.
Well, this is Johnny Appleseed.
My Uncle Jack.
Well, I'm going to go
look for some manure.
Pardon me if I don't
shake your hand,
but I want you out
of my training post.
Any particular reason?
Yes.
You're ugly.
You're dirty.
And you smell like bad meat.
I don't want my niece
contaminated by you.
Any further questions?
-Yes.
Do you carry any of those
little short shovels?
-Out.
-With the little handles.
-Out.
-And the deep base.
Out!
Ohh!
Ugh.
That's the way out of
town if you don't mind.
The Indians will
take care of him.
Hello.
I assume you're the chief.
Mhm.
Appleseed.
Johnny Appleseed.
At your service, sir.
You're not from
Smithville are you?
No.
No.
I'm not.
-Good.
Good.
See.
I'm convinced that Smithville
is the breeding ground
for all stupid white men.
Maybe it's their diet.
What's that on your head.
Oh, it's-- it's a hat.
Well, it's pot.
A pot hat.
Pot and a hat.
I like it.
Oh, thank you.
Well, it-- it comes in handy.
I mean can you cook in that?
-No.
It's very impractical
to cook in feathers.
Ah, corn.
Good.
I hate corn.
It's all we ever eat.
Cream of corn, corn on
the cob, corn pancakes.
Oh, have you ever
had one of these?
What is this?
It's called an apple.
Apple.
Apple.
-I can hear you.
-Oh.
I'm sorry.
-Why are you talking like that?
I don't know.
Mm.
That's what I call food.
-Yeah.
Isn't it good?
It's crunchy.
-Yeah.
-Tasty.
And it's sweet.
I'm going to have one too.
Oh, you've got more in there.
Oh, I got a whole bag.
Mm.
And so, after teaching
the chief and his people
how to plant and
care for apples,
Johnny finally got around
to saying his goodbyes.
Thanks for everything, Johnny.
And that cobbler was
out of this world.
Ah, you like it?
I'm glad.
Uh, did I tell you
I liked your pot?
Only about five times.
Oh.
Look.
I just happen to
have a spare one.
Would you like to try it on?
It's you, Chief.
And here's a gift for you.
This pouch contains
magical healing herbs.
Oh, thank you.
Take care.
-I will.
-Bye bye.
-Bye bye.
-Bye.
Bye, Johnny.
Anything?
I'm sorry, honey.
I'm just not a
very good trapper.
How's Little Mac?
He's worse.
I don't know what
else to do for him.
Once.
Just once, I wish a little
luck would come my way.
This is not what I had in mind.
-Morning, neighbor.
Name's Johnny Appleseed.
The name fits.
You look like a fruit.
Actually, I don't.
A fruit is much smaller,
and they rarely talk.
Friend, I'm here to
change your life.
Johnny's the name, and
apples are my game.
And I'm here to offer you the
opportunity of a lifetime.
All I ask is you
allow me to plant
an apple orchard on your land.
I'll provide the seeds,
labor, and the knowledge.
Then, with a minimum
of effort on your part,
you'll become a prosperous man.
-Uh-huh.
And what do you get out of it?
Oh, the simple joy
of seeing those sad
hound dog eyes of yours
twinkle with delight.
So what do you think?
I think your
pot's on too tight.
Little Mac's getting worse.
I wish I knew what to do, Edna.
Maybe I can help.
Here, Johnny.
I brewed those herbs
just like you said.
Here, Little Mac.
Drink this.
That's it.
Drink it all up.
That a boy.
An apple a day keeps
the doctor away.
If my boy dies, I'll wrap
that pot around your head.
Did I mention I don't like you?
The fever's broke.
It worked.
Oh, Johnny.
I love you.
Could you love me a
little bit less, Mac?
I've got fragile ribs.
We'd be mighty honored if you
spent the night, Mr. Appleseed.
I'd appreciate that, ma'am.
Yes.
I can see their point.
If I were they, I'd
do the same thing.
Johnny, you know you can
sleep in the cabin if you want.
Oh, that's OK, Mac.
I-- I prefer the outdoors.
Who were you
talking to out here?
Oh, I-- I was-- I was just
chatting with your dog.
He was telling me that
most of the animals
are leaving the area.
Apparently, they
are tired of being
killed by all the trappers.
Johnny, you don't really
talk to the animals.
Do you?
Oh yeah, yeah.
Of course, you can't talk
to each animal the same way.
You have to talk to
each one individually.
You know, for example, a
dog is-- is very smart,
so you can talk almost
normally to them.
But, uh, squirrels
or raccoons, you
have to talk very slowly
so they won't get confused.
And birds--
Don't get me started on birds.
Johnny, I just wanted
to say that if you'd
like to plant some
apple trees on my land,
it's all right with me.
Ah, thank you, Mac.
That's-- that's wonderful.
I'll get started in the morning.
But I got to warn you that Mr.
Smith ain't going to like it.
Of course, he doesn't
like me much anyway.
See I don't do
things Smith's ways,
so I'm sort of an outcast.
We're just barely
scraping by here.
And believe me, Smith is
not going to pay me money
for a load of apple hides.
Peels.
Yeah.
Whatever.
Well, good night to you.
-Good night.
Thanks again, Johnny.
Oh.
Thank you.
But anyway, um, can
you talk to them?
Or is it-- do you know
where they're going?
Don't get me wrong.
I-- I really like the guy.
But I truly think he might
be from a different planet.
Did you two take care of
that matter as I requested?
Oh.
We fixed his wagon good.
Good.
Good.
And you made sure
his apples won't grow.
I mean it's not that
I don't trust you.
It's just that I
don't trust you.
How did you do it?
We spread manure
all over his field.
Everywhere.
Those seeds don't have a chance.
You two bring new meaning
to the word "moron."
Would you kindly hand
me that club over there?
Why I ought to--
I still can't believe it.
It just grew right
out of the ground.
And it's really
going to be a tree?
With your help, Mack.
Oh, you bet.
I'm not going to let
my little babies die.
Well, then, here's
what you have to do.
You have to make sure--
Johnny taught Mack
how to care for the newly
planted orchard and
once again hit the road,
planting more orchards.
And of course, talking
with various animals.
Sure, he might have
lost a couple of times,
but he finally made his
way back to Smithville,
stopping first to check in
on the Macintosh family.
You did a great job, Mac.
These are beautiful.
Well, I had a good teacher.
You know there's a guy back
East who will buy every bushel
I can send him.
-Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Boy, it sounds like
you're doing real good.
Yeah.
But uh, I'm the only one.
You were right about
all the animals leaving.
The rest of the folks
are nearly starving.
And Smith ain't no help.
Well, Mac, remember
one bad apple does
not spoil the whole barrel.
Well, it looks like you
had some luck today, Jed.
Oh yeah.
Well, I came up with these.
Um.
What are they?
Mice furs.
Mice furs.
Imagine this guy coming
in with mice furs.
Thank you, Miss Jenny.
Well, what do you have, Zeke?
Gophers and hamsters.
Thank you.
Johnny, you're back.
I missed you so much.
You left without
even saying goodbye.
Uh.
I said goodbye.
You just didn't hear me.
I was two miles
away when I said it.
I forgive you.
You look more beautiful
than ever, Jenny.
Oh, I bet you say
that to all the girls.
I-- I don't know
any other girls.
Did you miss me?
Miss you?
Oh, sure.
Well, I guess I missed you.
You sure know how
to flatter a girl.
You're not like any other
person I've ever met.
Johnny old pal.
Heard you were back in town.
Old pal?
And you're looking
very healthy.
New pot?
I love it.
Looks very smart.
Precious, could you
excuse us for just
a teeny tiny little moment?
Thank you, dear.
Listen, you stinking
bag of rotten fruit.
You stay away from my niece,
and you get out of my town.
If you're still
here in 30 seconds,
I'm going to play William
Tell with your head.
A pleasure to see
you again, Jack.
I-- I'd love to stay,
but I do have to run.
Anyway, best to the family.
Psst.
Johnny.
-Oh.
Hi, fellas.
What can I do for you?
We was wondering if you could
teach us some of this farming
and planting stuff.
Yeah. 'Cause there ain't
no more furs, and Mr. Smith,
he's squeezing us dry.
And after we seen what
you done for Macintosh--
Yeah.
We says to ourselves,
this is the life for us.
Oh, you big galoots.
Well, this-- this is
what you have to do.
You have to get some seeds.
And so, Johnny
began teaching the men
all about farming, starting with
his own unique planting method.
He taught them how to care
for the young seedling,
how to feed them, and
how to make them strong.
And then, he taught them
how to grow other things
besides apples, so
that they could learn
to be totally self-sufficient.
After that, Johnny
taught the settlers
the basics of animal husbandry.
And that, students, is
the story of the egg.
I see our time is up.
So tonight's
homework is to write
a report on the difference
between a cow and a bull.
That's enough out
of you, Jeremiah.
Gosh.
An apple for the teacher.
What an original gift.
Johnny, I'm so proud of you.
Thanks to you the whole
settlement is filled with hope.
Um.
I'm nothing but a simple
guy in a burlap bag.
I think you're wonderful.
Gee.
I guess there are
some advantages
to being nothing but a
simple guy in a burlap bag.
Gentleman, I am deeply troubled
by the recent turn of events.
As you well know, I have
always held the reins of power
in our humble settlement.
I guess you could say that
I've been like a father
to the people.
In fact, I've been
more like a god.
Amen.
But things have changed.
As we speak, Mr.
Appleseed is teaching
my people to be self-sufficient,
and they're liking it.
How dare he think that
he can help my people.
You know what I'd like to do?
I'd like to take that skinny
little pothead by the throat.
And choke him until
he's gasping for air.
Then, I'd like to take his
nose, and twist it off his face.
Then, I'd like to take his
ears and shake his head back
and forth, back and forth till
I rattle every single seed out
of his head.
Now, I'd like some
feedback on my proposal.
But before Smith
could make good on his threats,
the rains suddenly stopped.
And the entire area was plunged
into a terrible drought.
And the newly planted crops
started to wither and die.
You call this corn?
I call this dead.
May I ask what it
is you're doing?
Oh, you certainly may.
I'm getting water for the crops.
-No you're not.
Yes.
I'm positive that's
what I'm doing.
You see, there's a
drought going on.
No.
No.
No.
This is my well.
Therefore, it is my water.
Oh, well, in that case,
it is very generous of you
to share some of the water
with us, because we--
boy, that's refreshing.
Albeit a bit wasteful.
Boys, he's getting
on my nerves.
I've-- I've never really
liked guns, especially
when they're pointing at me.
Ha.
Oh.
If you'll excuse me.
Hi, Johnny.
Hi, Betty.
Don't tell me I fell asleep.
Don't worry, Johnny.
You're awake.
You see, variety is the
spice of Mother Nature.
Sometimes, I appear in a dream.
Sometimes, I appear
in the real world.
And most of the time
I don't even appear.
Well, I don't mean to be rude,
Betty, but I'm in a big hurry.
-Johnny.
-Yes.
What are you doing?
Well, I'm running to the river
to get water for the orchards.
-The river is 50 miles away.
-I know.
That's why I'm in a big hurry.
Oh, Johnny,
sweetheart, I love you.
And you're doing a terrific
job with your apples,
but you're like-- you're like
a snowstorm on the North Pole.
A lot of activity,
but no effect.
Well, what else can I do?
The river's the only
source of water left.
That is unless you'd like to put
an end to this silly drought.
Mother Nature can't
be that convenient.
Besides, I can't save your hide
every time you get into a jam.
It's not natural.
-Oh.
And you think letting the crops
die and watching people die
is natural, because if you do--
Don't argue with Mother Nature.
Use your head.
There's always a
solution to a problem.
What can I do?
Why should I care?
I mean it's-- it's their town,
so it's their problem, right?
I'm just
passing through.
A vagabond, a drifter
with dirt path fever.
That's why I'm just
going to vamoose.
Hit the road.
Make like the wind and blow.
Oh, I can't do that.
I can't desert them.
Wait a second.
This is good.
This is intelligent.
Here I am sitting with
a beaver, and you're
the one who can help.
Because, because, like,
you're the head beaver, right?
And you make dams.
Right.
And so, for you, it's
not so much like work,
but a way of life, right?
Right.
So.
So.
So considering
that, how would you
feel about making some dams?
You will?
Oh, that is great.
Thank you so much.
Bert, you are one great beaver.
You really are.
Oh, and tell the other
beavers, they're great too.
Oh, this is so exciting.
I think I have to dance for joy.
This will plant
Appleseed six feet under.
What did you do that for boss?
You'll find out soon enough.
Why bother?
There's no water.
Why don't we just let
my crops die in peace?
Just don't worry.
I've taken care of
the water situation.
You get a new horse?
-No.
This is Larry's horse.
How do you know?
That's his brand.
Oh.
Well, come on, boy.
I'm taking you back to Larry.
I bet he's sick with worry.
He's not the smartest
horse in the world,
but I'm sure that Larry will
be glad I brought him in.
Johnny, you're so thoughtful.
Larry, is this your horse?
Yup.
That's my brand, Larry.
And why is it that Mr.
Appleseed now has your horse?
I don't know.
He stole it.
I see.
Mr. Appleseed, you are now
under arrest for horse stealing.
Uncle Jack--
You stay out of this.
When I get through with you,
you won't have a pot to put on.
Come on.
Let's go.
Folks.
What's he got
Johnny by the neck for?
Folks.
It is my unfortunate
duty to inform you
that our beloved Johnny
Appleseed is nothing
more than a common horse thief.
What?
No.
I know.
I know.
I know it's hard to
believe, but I have
a very reliable eye witness.
Larry.
-What?
Oh, that's right.
He stole my horse.
This is absurd.
I didn't--
I don't think that these people
are interested in listening
to a horse thief.
Friends, I don't like to be
the one to say I told you so.
But I told you so.
The day that this
dirty, smelly creature
staggered into our town
mumbling to himself,
I told you he was bad news.
And when he started
filling your heads
with his crazy notions of
farming and growing things,
I told you to ignore him.
He promised you rich rewards,
and you morons believed him.
Now, thanks to him,
your crops are wilting,
and your orchards are drying.
You see, this is
when the expression
I told you so comes into play.
You didn't tell us that
the rains would stop.
Yeah, and there
wouldn't be enough water.
I promise you.
There is going to
be enough water.
I talked to the
beavers, and they
have agreed to reroute the
river so it will flow past here.
You talked to the beavers?
Yes.
I spoke to them.
And--
Let's be serious.
This man is nothing
more than a con artist,
a horse thief, and a nut.
String him up.
Get rid of him.
Let's hang him
straight up in that tree.
I don't think they like you.
You have to think
of her feelings.
I mean when she's home with the
puppies all day, you're out--
Hi, Johnny.
Jenny, what are you doing here?
You're going to get in trouble.
Visiting hours are over.
I know, but I have
to talk to you.
Do you have a minute?
That's a really stupid question.
Well, the thing is I saw my
Uncle Jack today for what
he really is, a disgusting,
evil, manipulative, slimy dirt
bag.
You mean rotten to the core.
Yes.
And I think the only way
you can get out of this mess
is just to kiss his boots,
beg for his forgiveness,
and admit that you were
wrong and he was right.
Uh-huh.
Or you could help me escape.
Johnny, one of the
things that I always
loved about you is that
you march to the beat
of a different drummer.
But please, just for this
once, can't you play the game?
I'm sorry.
I-- I don't even know the game.
But if we can get
away from Smithville,
we can build our
own life together.
You know, we can get
married, and settle down,
and have a place of our own.
Jenny, I'm a rambling man.
I've still got apples to
plant, roads to travel,
animals to talk to.
But Johnny, I love you.
Doesn't that mean anything?
Look.
I don't know much about love.
But I do know that you
shouldn't love a man like me.
Fine.
Goodbye, Johnny.
Bye, Jenny.
The trial of Johnny Appleseed
will now come to order.
Hang him.
Now, now, now, now.
As long as I'm judge, this
man will receive a fair trial.
Johnny Appleseed, you're
accused of the despicable crime
of horse stealing as well
as vagrancy, jaywalking,
littering, not to mention
being the weirdest walnut
we've seen in these
parts in many a moon.
How do you plead?
Not guilty.
All right.
You're going to
make this difficult.
I'll call my first witness.
Larry.
What?
Will you take the stand?
Do you promise to tell the
truth, the whole truth, nothing
but the truth, so help you God?
You do.
Now, Larry.
What?
In your own words, state
exactly what happened.
He
stole your horse.
He stole your horse.
He
stole your horse.
He stole your horse.
Moron, he stole your horse,
your horse, your horse.
He stole your horse.
Thank you, Larry, for
that expert testimony.
You may step down.
Well, the court has
heard all the evidence.
I will now pronounce a verdict.
Don't I get to speak?
All right.
All right.
But make it snappy.
We've got a hanging to do here.
I-- I just want to say,
have you all gone crazy?
Talk about the pothead
calling the kettle black.
You people know I didn't
steal Larry's horse.
I've never stole
anything in my life.
If I'm guilty of anything,
it's of being different.
I-- I mean I admit I'm
not like everybody else.
I'm an individual, and
I-- I refuse to answer
to anybody but myself.
But is that a crime?
It is to Jack Smith,
because he can't tolerate
anything that he can't control.
When you folks
learned about farming
and started to be
self-sufficient,
Jack Smith lost
control over you.
Yeah.
He's right.
And if I in any way am
responsible for that, then
at least I can die a proud man.
-People.
People.
People, come on now.
You're listening to a
man who talks to beavers.
Now, let's wrap this up.
I find you guilty.
You'll hang by your
neck till you're dead.
Knock the stool
out from under him.
Let's see some twitching here.
Good shooting, Jenny.
Jenny, you don't know how
great it is to see you.
Yeah.
It'll give you the
opportunity of saying goodbye.
You say goodbye.
I say hello.
What's this doing here?
I thought you might like to
see some of your old friends.
-What in blazes is that?
-The river.
The creek bed's full.
We're saved.
Thanks, Johnny.
Don't thank me.
Thank the beavers.
So thanks to Bert
the Beaver and all his furry,
flat-tailed friends, Johnny was
able to save the settlement.
And thanks to Jenny,
Johnny was saved.
Well, Johnny, I'm
glad you decided
to stay a little longer.
I'm glad I got to
live a little longer.
Are you hungry?
Starving.
What did you bring?
Apples.
Oh.
After you.
Well, my dearest rambling
man, I'll be sad to see you go.
Well, I-- I've been
thinking about what you said.
And maybe I should plant
my roots and settle down.
You know, we could get
married and build a house,
and watch our trees grow.
I could get involved
in community affairs.
Sounds wonderful,
Johnny, but not for you.
You've got your two feet,
and I can't scratch them.
But I-- I just can't
bear the thought
of you sitting under the apple
tree with anybody else but me.
You've got a mission, Johnny.
And you can't let me or
anybody else stop you.
You're right, Jenny.
But at least, allow me
to plant a special apple
orchard in memory
of us, and that way,
you'll always remember me.
I'll always
remember you, Johnny.
And this is that
very same orchard
that Johnny planted for Jenny.
Who, by the way, just happens to
be my great great grandmother,
Granny Smith.
As for her Uncle Jack, he was
tarred and furred, and forced
to spend the rest of his
days in an unventilated room
with Larry.
Anyway, thanks to Johnny and
the beavers moving the river,
the settlement
grew and prospered.
Mac Macintosh became famous
for his breed of apple,
not to mention Granny Smiths.
And Smithville became known as
the Apple capital of the world.
What do you mean so what?
Listen, you city slicker.
If you can't understand
that these here trees
may be the last living memorial
to the great Johnny Appleseed,
then you got no business
owning this land.
And come to think of it, I
got no business selling it.
Now, go on.
Get out of my orchard.
You're stinking up the place.
What?
No way.
You can walk back, Jack.
You heard what Jimbo said.
Get out of this orchard.
And you better make it quick.
Otherwise, I just
might throw the biggest
thunderstorm you ever saw.
interesting heroes
to spring from our
country's folklore
is a man by the name of
Jonathan Chapman, better
known as Johnny Appleseed.
Now, some say
Johnny was a saint.
Others say he was nothing but
an apple-headed loony bird.
But all agree he left a living
legacy of apple orchards
across America's heartland
nearly 200 years ago,
orchards just like this one.
Here we are.
Sometimes, that
handle gets stuck.
Well, there she
is, all 40 acres.
To tell the truth,
I hate to sell.
But times are tough.
This ain't exactly the
golden age of farming.
Now, what was it you
wanted to put up here?
100 condos.
Gee.
I don't know.
Seems like a shame to waste
something so dang beautiful.
Well, they're apple trees.
See.
This is an apple, and
it grows on trees.
Doesn't grow in plastic
bags in a supermarket
as you might think.
Yes.
It is.
Pretty amazing.
Yep.
This old orchard
has quite a history.
It was planted by Mr.
Johnny Appleseed himself.
What?
You never heard of
Johnny Appleseed.
Where is it you
say you come from?
Venus?
You better sit right
down here, and I'm
going to tell you the
story of old Johnny,
because if you're going
to dig up all these trees
and put in a bunch of
Jacuzzis, you ought to know
the history of the place.
No.
I ain't got a pillow
for your rear end.
Just sit on the ground.
Now, the day Johnny
Chapman was born,
it was raining cats and dogs.
But the second he
came into this world.
The rain just stopped,
and a beautiful rainbow
arched across the sky and ran
smack into an apple tree right
outside of the bedroom window.
And I guess maybe that was
a sign of things to come,
'cause from that day
on, little Johnny
was just crazy about apples.
He'd only drink apple
juice from his baby bottle,
and he wouldn't even
go to sleep lest he
was lying under an apple tree.
And Johnny took on a few
more peculiar habits,
like refusing to
sleep or eat indoors.
Don't encourage him, Martha.
The kids
in town thought
Johnny had a loose marble,
so his only friends
were the animals.
And while other kids
had lemonade stands,
Johnny was operating a
roadside pet hospital.
I wouldn't worry, Lou.
It's just a little heartburn.
Nah.
No charge.
Next.
When Johnny
got to be about 18,
he decided to set out to
seek his fame and fortune.
Son.
I've packed you some apple
cookies, a little strudel,
and some dried apple slices
for you to nibble on.
Thanks, ma.
I forgot all about food.
You're throwing
away your future.
I know, Dad.
A bum.
Is that what you want
to do with your life?
Be a bum?
Dad, I just need to find
a place where I fit in.
Why can't you
fit in at Harvard?
Pull some strings.
Get you an interview.
But no.
You want to go traipsing
around looking for-- what
are you looking for anyway?
Well, I-- I guess I'm
just looking for me.
I'll save you a trip.
You're right here
in your front yard.
Oh, Warren.
It's just a phase.
He'll grow out of it.
Into what?
A full grown nut?
Goodbye, mom.
Bye, dad.
Get out of here, you
apple-headed loony bird.
Bye, dad.
But before
Johnny hit the road,
he stopped by the
general store to load
up on traveling supplies.
Hello, Mr. Goodwin.
Johnny.
Congratulations on Harvard.
-Oh no.
I'm not going to Harvard.
Instead, I'm-- I'm just going
to walk around the country,
and look at the trees,
and talk to the animals.
And maybe figure out my purpose
in this funny old world.
Your dad must be thrilled.
But first, I'm going to
need some traveling clothes.
Fine.
I have shirts, shoes, trousers.
Hey, this looks good.
That's a sack of
potatoes, Johnny.
Yeah.
I know, but-- but
look, Mr. Goodwin.
If-- if we cut a hole
in a sack for the head
and a couple more holes for
the arms this could be great.
You want to wear a burlap sack?
Sure.
Oh, and I'll need a hat
and a pot for cooking.
Here's a pot.
Now--
Wait a second.
Wait.
Mr. Good-- wait a second.
This-- this is a great idea.
This could be a pot and a hat.
How's it look?
Frankly, Johnny,
it looks stupid.
But very functional though,
because it saves me the trouble
of carrying around a pot.
Forget the hat.
I'm wearing the pot.
Fine.
Anything else?
Boots?
A canteen?
Blanket?
Potholders?
No.
No.
I think the pot and
the sack will do it.
Do you mind if I pay
you with apple seeds?
Oh, no need, Johnny.
It's on me.
Oh, thank you, Mr. Goodwin.
Well, I'm off.
Yes.
He's off all right.
Well, here I am cooking dinner.
And then, I'll eat it.
And then, I'll maybe
have some dessert.
Maybe another apple.
And then, I'll go to sleep.
And tomorrow, I'll
start walking some more.
Of course, I-- I
walked a lot today,
but I only got as far as here.
Maybe what I need
is-- is some kind
of reason for being out here.
I tell you, Johnny,
starting a hurricane
is murder on the hair.
-Who are you?
-Betty.
Betty Nature.
You probably know
me me as Mother.
You're Mother Nature?
Johnny, I see you out here in
my territory, wandering about.
And as far as I can tell,
you're just taking up space.
Yeah.
I know.
I was just thinking about that.
Look, Johnny.
Let me come right to the point.
I got a job for you.
You like apples, right?
I sure do.
Me too.
And at the moment, I have
a shortage of apple trees.
So what I want you to do
is go to the cider mills
and pick up as many apple
seeds as you can carry.
Then, I want you to
travel around the country
and plant apple orchards.
Really?
What a great job.
Why didn't I think of that?
I got to start
right this second.
Uh, Johnny, this is a dream.
Wait until you wake up.
Oh yeah.
Right.
And one more thing.
You're no longer Johnny Chapman.
From now on, you will
be Johnny Appleseed.
Johnny Appleseed.
That's nice.
I-- I like the way it
kinda rolls off the tongue.
Thank you, Mother Nature.
Betty.
Now, go on out
and make me proud.
Johnny Appleseed.
And so Johnny now
had his mission in life.
And he started planting
apples all over the country
like there was no tomorrow.
He traveled like the wind,
planting here, planting there.
Stopping only to take a quick
snooze or heal a sick animal.
Johnny even devised
his own original method
of planting, something
he called the apple
seed heel and toe hop.
Naturally, all this traveling
and hopping occasionally
brought him smack dab into
the middle of a settlement.
Gentlemen.
Gentlemen, I'm not pleased
with the quality of furs
that you're bringing to me.
But Mr. Smith, we're doing
the best we know how to.
Jed, did I give you
permission to speak?
I don't think so.
Now, where was I?
Oh yes.
Unless I see a dramatic
improvement, and I mean soon,
I will be forced to cut off
all your credit at my training
post, which means that
you and your homely
wives and disgusting little
children will starve.
But that would break my heart.
Gentleman, all I'm
asking for is a couple
thousand hides of
beaver, fox, and mink.
Is that so difficult?
Mink furs?
There ain't no
mink in these parts.
I know.
That's why they're so valuable.
Oh.
Now, get trapping.
Move it!
Pardon me, friends.
Could you direct me to
the local training post?
We ain't your friends.
Fine.
I can live with that.
You see, I'm in need of
some farming supplies.
We don't do
no farming around here.
Mr. Smith says
that's sissy work.
We're hunters and trappers.
We live off the
meat of the land.
Anybody home?
That's good.
Well, thank you for
your help, gentlemen.
That's one strange potato, Joe.
Cuckoo, Butch.
He's cuckoo.
Can I help?
--You shouldn't creep
up behind a fella like that.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to creep.
Oh no.
No.
I'm-- I'm sorry.
I overreacted.
I'm just not that
used to people.
Is that a pan on your head?
Oh no.
Actually, it's a pot.
I know it looks sort
of funny, but it's
actually very practical.
I like your burlap shirt.
I mean, pants.
Outfit.
I like it.
Well, it's just something
I threw together.
Oh, I'm Jenny Smith.
I work here.
My uncle owns this trading post.
Oh, Johnny Appleseed.
I like to plant.
-Gee.
I never met a man who planted.
Yeah, well.
I'm looking for mulch.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Mulch died about six months ago.
No.
I mean like manure.
May I help you?
Oh, hi, Uncle Jack.
Jenny, I don't recall
giving you permission
to talk to strangers.
Well, this is Johnny Appleseed.
My Uncle Jack.
Well, I'm going to go
look for some manure.
Pardon me if I don't
shake your hand,
but I want you out
of my training post.
Any particular reason?
Yes.
You're ugly.
You're dirty.
And you smell like bad meat.
I don't want my niece
contaminated by you.
Any further questions?
-Yes.
Do you carry any of those
little short shovels?
-Out.
-With the little handles.
-Out.
-And the deep base.
Out!
Ohh!
Ugh.
That's the way out of
town if you don't mind.
The Indians will
take care of him.
Hello.
I assume you're the chief.
Mhm.
Appleseed.
Johnny Appleseed.
At your service, sir.
You're not from
Smithville are you?
No.
No.
I'm not.
-Good.
Good.
See.
I'm convinced that Smithville
is the breeding ground
for all stupid white men.
Maybe it's their diet.
What's that on your head.
Oh, it's-- it's a hat.
Well, it's pot.
A pot hat.
Pot and a hat.
I like it.
Oh, thank you.
Well, it-- it comes in handy.
I mean can you cook in that?
-No.
It's very impractical
to cook in feathers.
Ah, corn.
Good.
I hate corn.
It's all we ever eat.
Cream of corn, corn on
the cob, corn pancakes.
Oh, have you ever
had one of these?
What is this?
It's called an apple.
Apple.
Apple.
-I can hear you.
-Oh.
I'm sorry.
-Why are you talking like that?
I don't know.
Mm.
That's what I call food.
-Yeah.
Isn't it good?
It's crunchy.
-Yeah.
-Tasty.
And it's sweet.
I'm going to have one too.
Oh, you've got more in there.
Oh, I got a whole bag.
Mm.
And so, after teaching
the chief and his people
how to plant and
care for apples,
Johnny finally got around
to saying his goodbyes.
Thanks for everything, Johnny.
And that cobbler was
out of this world.
Ah, you like it?
I'm glad.
Uh, did I tell you
I liked your pot?
Only about five times.
Oh.
Look.
I just happen to
have a spare one.
Would you like to try it on?
It's you, Chief.
And here's a gift for you.
This pouch contains
magical healing herbs.
Oh, thank you.
Take care.
-I will.
-Bye bye.
-Bye bye.
-Bye.
Bye, Johnny.
Anything?
I'm sorry, honey.
I'm just not a
very good trapper.
How's Little Mac?
He's worse.
I don't know what
else to do for him.
Once.
Just once, I wish a little
luck would come my way.
This is not what I had in mind.
-Morning, neighbor.
Name's Johnny Appleseed.
The name fits.
You look like a fruit.
Actually, I don't.
A fruit is much smaller,
and they rarely talk.
Friend, I'm here to
change your life.
Johnny's the name, and
apples are my game.
And I'm here to offer you the
opportunity of a lifetime.
All I ask is you
allow me to plant
an apple orchard on your land.
I'll provide the seeds,
labor, and the knowledge.
Then, with a minimum
of effort on your part,
you'll become a prosperous man.
-Uh-huh.
And what do you get out of it?
Oh, the simple joy
of seeing those sad
hound dog eyes of yours
twinkle with delight.
So what do you think?
I think your
pot's on too tight.
Little Mac's getting worse.
I wish I knew what to do, Edna.
Maybe I can help.
Here, Johnny.
I brewed those herbs
just like you said.
Here, Little Mac.
Drink this.
That's it.
Drink it all up.
That a boy.
An apple a day keeps
the doctor away.
If my boy dies, I'll wrap
that pot around your head.
Did I mention I don't like you?
The fever's broke.
It worked.
Oh, Johnny.
I love you.
Could you love me a
little bit less, Mac?
I've got fragile ribs.
We'd be mighty honored if you
spent the night, Mr. Appleseed.
I'd appreciate that, ma'am.
Yes.
I can see their point.
If I were they, I'd
do the same thing.
Johnny, you know you can
sleep in the cabin if you want.
Oh, that's OK, Mac.
I-- I prefer the outdoors.
Who were you
talking to out here?
Oh, I-- I was-- I was just
chatting with your dog.
He was telling me that
most of the animals
are leaving the area.
Apparently, they
are tired of being
killed by all the trappers.
Johnny, you don't really
talk to the animals.
Do you?
Oh yeah, yeah.
Of course, you can't talk
to each animal the same way.
You have to talk to
each one individually.
You know, for example, a
dog is-- is very smart,
so you can talk almost
normally to them.
But, uh, squirrels
or raccoons, you
have to talk very slowly
so they won't get confused.
And birds--
Don't get me started on birds.
Johnny, I just wanted
to say that if you'd
like to plant some
apple trees on my land,
it's all right with me.
Ah, thank you, Mac.
That's-- that's wonderful.
I'll get started in the morning.
But I got to warn you that Mr.
Smith ain't going to like it.
Of course, he doesn't
like me much anyway.
See I don't do
things Smith's ways,
so I'm sort of an outcast.
We're just barely
scraping by here.
And believe me, Smith is
not going to pay me money
for a load of apple hides.
Peels.
Yeah.
Whatever.
Well, good night to you.
-Good night.
Thanks again, Johnny.
Oh.
Thank you.
But anyway, um, can
you talk to them?
Or is it-- do you know
where they're going?
Don't get me wrong.
I-- I really like the guy.
But I truly think he might
be from a different planet.
Did you two take care of
that matter as I requested?
Oh.
We fixed his wagon good.
Good.
Good.
And you made sure
his apples won't grow.
I mean it's not that
I don't trust you.
It's just that I
don't trust you.
How did you do it?
We spread manure
all over his field.
Everywhere.
Those seeds don't have a chance.
You two bring new meaning
to the word "moron."
Would you kindly hand
me that club over there?
Why I ought to--
I still can't believe it.
It just grew right
out of the ground.
And it's really
going to be a tree?
With your help, Mack.
Oh, you bet.
I'm not going to let
my little babies die.
Well, then, here's
what you have to do.
You have to make sure--
Johnny taught Mack
how to care for the newly
planted orchard and
once again hit the road,
planting more orchards.
And of course, talking
with various animals.
Sure, he might have
lost a couple of times,
but he finally made his
way back to Smithville,
stopping first to check in
on the Macintosh family.
You did a great job, Mac.
These are beautiful.
Well, I had a good teacher.
You know there's a guy back
East who will buy every bushel
I can send him.
-Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Boy, it sounds like
you're doing real good.
Yeah.
But uh, I'm the only one.
You were right about
all the animals leaving.
The rest of the folks
are nearly starving.
And Smith ain't no help.
Well, Mac, remember
one bad apple does
not spoil the whole barrel.
Well, it looks like you
had some luck today, Jed.
Oh yeah.
Well, I came up with these.
Um.
What are they?
Mice furs.
Mice furs.
Imagine this guy coming
in with mice furs.
Thank you, Miss Jenny.
Well, what do you have, Zeke?
Gophers and hamsters.
Thank you.
Johnny, you're back.
I missed you so much.
You left without
even saying goodbye.
Uh.
I said goodbye.
You just didn't hear me.
I was two miles
away when I said it.
I forgive you.
You look more beautiful
than ever, Jenny.
Oh, I bet you say
that to all the girls.
I-- I don't know
any other girls.
Did you miss me?
Miss you?
Oh, sure.
Well, I guess I missed you.
You sure know how
to flatter a girl.
You're not like any other
person I've ever met.
Johnny old pal.
Heard you were back in town.
Old pal?
And you're looking
very healthy.
New pot?
I love it.
Looks very smart.
Precious, could you
excuse us for just
a teeny tiny little moment?
Thank you, dear.
Listen, you stinking
bag of rotten fruit.
You stay away from my niece,
and you get out of my town.
If you're still
here in 30 seconds,
I'm going to play William
Tell with your head.
A pleasure to see
you again, Jack.
I-- I'd love to stay,
but I do have to run.
Anyway, best to the family.
Psst.
Johnny.
-Oh.
Hi, fellas.
What can I do for you?
We was wondering if you could
teach us some of this farming
and planting stuff.
Yeah. 'Cause there ain't
no more furs, and Mr. Smith,
he's squeezing us dry.
And after we seen what
you done for Macintosh--
Yeah.
We says to ourselves,
this is the life for us.
Oh, you big galoots.
Well, this-- this is
what you have to do.
You have to get some seeds.
And so, Johnny
began teaching the men
all about farming, starting with
his own unique planting method.
He taught them how to care
for the young seedling,
how to feed them, and
how to make them strong.
And then, he taught them
how to grow other things
besides apples, so
that they could learn
to be totally self-sufficient.
After that, Johnny
taught the settlers
the basics of animal husbandry.
And that, students, is
the story of the egg.
I see our time is up.
So tonight's
homework is to write
a report on the difference
between a cow and a bull.
That's enough out
of you, Jeremiah.
Gosh.
An apple for the teacher.
What an original gift.
Johnny, I'm so proud of you.
Thanks to you the whole
settlement is filled with hope.
Um.
I'm nothing but a simple
guy in a burlap bag.
I think you're wonderful.
Gee.
I guess there are
some advantages
to being nothing but a
simple guy in a burlap bag.
Gentleman, I am deeply troubled
by the recent turn of events.
As you well know, I have
always held the reins of power
in our humble settlement.
I guess you could say that
I've been like a father
to the people.
In fact, I've been
more like a god.
Amen.
But things have changed.
As we speak, Mr.
Appleseed is teaching
my people to be self-sufficient,
and they're liking it.
How dare he think that
he can help my people.
You know what I'd like to do?
I'd like to take that skinny
little pothead by the throat.
And choke him until
he's gasping for air.
Then, I'd like to take his
nose, and twist it off his face.
Then, I'd like to take his
ears and shake his head back
and forth, back and forth till
I rattle every single seed out
of his head.
Now, I'd like some
feedback on my proposal.
But before Smith
could make good on his threats,
the rains suddenly stopped.
And the entire area was plunged
into a terrible drought.
And the newly planted crops
started to wither and die.
You call this corn?
I call this dead.
May I ask what it
is you're doing?
Oh, you certainly may.
I'm getting water for the crops.
-No you're not.
Yes.
I'm positive that's
what I'm doing.
You see, there's a
drought going on.
No.
No.
No.
This is my well.
Therefore, it is my water.
Oh, well, in that case,
it is very generous of you
to share some of the water
with us, because we--
boy, that's refreshing.
Albeit a bit wasteful.
Boys, he's getting
on my nerves.
I've-- I've never really
liked guns, especially
when they're pointing at me.
Ha.
Oh.
If you'll excuse me.
Hi, Johnny.
Hi, Betty.
Don't tell me I fell asleep.
Don't worry, Johnny.
You're awake.
You see, variety is the
spice of Mother Nature.
Sometimes, I appear in a dream.
Sometimes, I appear
in the real world.
And most of the time
I don't even appear.
Well, I don't mean to be rude,
Betty, but I'm in a big hurry.
-Johnny.
-Yes.
What are you doing?
Well, I'm running to the river
to get water for the orchards.
-The river is 50 miles away.
-I know.
That's why I'm in a big hurry.
Oh, Johnny,
sweetheart, I love you.
And you're doing a terrific
job with your apples,
but you're like-- you're like
a snowstorm on the North Pole.
A lot of activity,
but no effect.
Well, what else can I do?
The river's the only
source of water left.
That is unless you'd like to put
an end to this silly drought.
Mother Nature can't
be that convenient.
Besides, I can't save your hide
every time you get into a jam.
It's not natural.
-Oh.
And you think letting the crops
die and watching people die
is natural, because if you do--
Don't argue with Mother Nature.
Use your head.
There's always a
solution to a problem.
What can I do?
Why should I care?
I mean it's-- it's their town,
so it's their problem, right?
I'm just
passing through.
A vagabond, a drifter
with dirt path fever.
That's why I'm just
going to vamoose.
Hit the road.
Make like the wind and blow.
Oh, I can't do that.
I can't desert them.
Wait a second.
This is good.
This is intelligent.
Here I am sitting with
a beaver, and you're
the one who can help.
Because, because, like,
you're the head beaver, right?
And you make dams.
Right.
And so, for you, it's
not so much like work,
but a way of life, right?
Right.
So.
So.
So considering
that, how would you
feel about making some dams?
You will?
Oh, that is great.
Thank you so much.
Bert, you are one great beaver.
You really are.
Oh, and tell the other
beavers, they're great too.
Oh, this is so exciting.
I think I have to dance for joy.
This will plant
Appleseed six feet under.
What did you do that for boss?
You'll find out soon enough.
Why bother?
There's no water.
Why don't we just let
my crops die in peace?
Just don't worry.
I've taken care of
the water situation.
You get a new horse?
-No.
This is Larry's horse.
How do you know?
That's his brand.
Oh.
Well, come on, boy.
I'm taking you back to Larry.
I bet he's sick with worry.
He's not the smartest
horse in the world,
but I'm sure that Larry will
be glad I brought him in.
Johnny, you're so thoughtful.
Larry, is this your horse?
Yup.
That's my brand, Larry.
And why is it that Mr.
Appleseed now has your horse?
I don't know.
He stole it.
I see.
Mr. Appleseed, you are now
under arrest for horse stealing.
Uncle Jack--
You stay out of this.
When I get through with you,
you won't have a pot to put on.
Come on.
Let's go.
Folks.
What's he got
Johnny by the neck for?
Folks.
It is my unfortunate
duty to inform you
that our beloved Johnny
Appleseed is nothing
more than a common horse thief.
What?
No.
I know.
I know.
I know it's hard to
believe, but I have
a very reliable eye witness.
Larry.
-What?
Oh, that's right.
He stole my horse.
This is absurd.
I didn't--
I don't think that these people
are interested in listening
to a horse thief.
Friends, I don't like to be
the one to say I told you so.
But I told you so.
The day that this
dirty, smelly creature
staggered into our town
mumbling to himself,
I told you he was bad news.
And when he started
filling your heads
with his crazy notions of
farming and growing things,
I told you to ignore him.
He promised you rich rewards,
and you morons believed him.
Now, thanks to him,
your crops are wilting,
and your orchards are drying.
You see, this is
when the expression
I told you so comes into play.
You didn't tell us that
the rains would stop.
Yeah, and there
wouldn't be enough water.
I promise you.
There is going to
be enough water.
I talked to the
beavers, and they
have agreed to reroute the
river so it will flow past here.
You talked to the beavers?
Yes.
I spoke to them.
And--
Let's be serious.
This man is nothing
more than a con artist,
a horse thief, and a nut.
String him up.
Get rid of him.
Let's hang him
straight up in that tree.
I don't think they like you.
You have to think
of her feelings.
I mean when she's home with the
puppies all day, you're out--
Hi, Johnny.
Jenny, what are you doing here?
You're going to get in trouble.
Visiting hours are over.
I know, but I have
to talk to you.
Do you have a minute?
That's a really stupid question.
Well, the thing is I saw my
Uncle Jack today for what
he really is, a disgusting,
evil, manipulative, slimy dirt
bag.
You mean rotten to the core.
Yes.
And I think the only way
you can get out of this mess
is just to kiss his boots,
beg for his forgiveness,
and admit that you were
wrong and he was right.
Uh-huh.
Or you could help me escape.
Johnny, one of the
things that I always
loved about you is that
you march to the beat
of a different drummer.
But please, just for this
once, can't you play the game?
I'm sorry.
I-- I don't even know the game.
But if we can get
away from Smithville,
we can build our
own life together.
You know, we can get
married, and settle down,
and have a place of our own.
Jenny, I'm a rambling man.
I've still got apples to
plant, roads to travel,
animals to talk to.
But Johnny, I love you.
Doesn't that mean anything?
Look.
I don't know much about love.
But I do know that you
shouldn't love a man like me.
Fine.
Goodbye, Johnny.
Bye, Jenny.
The trial of Johnny Appleseed
will now come to order.
Hang him.
Now, now, now, now.
As long as I'm judge, this
man will receive a fair trial.
Johnny Appleseed, you're
accused of the despicable crime
of horse stealing as well
as vagrancy, jaywalking,
littering, not to mention
being the weirdest walnut
we've seen in these
parts in many a moon.
How do you plead?
Not guilty.
All right.
You're going to
make this difficult.
I'll call my first witness.
Larry.
What?
Will you take the stand?
Do you promise to tell the
truth, the whole truth, nothing
but the truth, so help you God?
You do.
Now, Larry.
What?
In your own words, state
exactly what happened.
He
stole your horse.
He stole your horse.
He
stole your horse.
He stole your horse.
Moron, he stole your horse,
your horse, your horse.
He stole your horse.
Thank you, Larry, for
that expert testimony.
You may step down.
Well, the court has
heard all the evidence.
I will now pronounce a verdict.
Don't I get to speak?
All right.
All right.
But make it snappy.
We've got a hanging to do here.
I-- I just want to say,
have you all gone crazy?
Talk about the pothead
calling the kettle black.
You people know I didn't
steal Larry's horse.
I've never stole
anything in my life.
If I'm guilty of anything,
it's of being different.
I-- I mean I admit I'm
not like everybody else.
I'm an individual, and
I-- I refuse to answer
to anybody but myself.
But is that a crime?
It is to Jack Smith,
because he can't tolerate
anything that he can't control.
When you folks
learned about farming
and started to be
self-sufficient,
Jack Smith lost
control over you.
Yeah.
He's right.
And if I in any way am
responsible for that, then
at least I can die a proud man.
-People.
People.
People, come on now.
You're listening to a
man who talks to beavers.
Now, let's wrap this up.
I find you guilty.
You'll hang by your
neck till you're dead.
Knock the stool
out from under him.
Let's see some twitching here.
Good shooting, Jenny.
Jenny, you don't know how
great it is to see you.
Yeah.
It'll give you the
opportunity of saying goodbye.
You say goodbye.
I say hello.
What's this doing here?
I thought you might like to
see some of your old friends.
-What in blazes is that?
-The river.
The creek bed's full.
We're saved.
Thanks, Johnny.
Don't thank me.
Thank the beavers.
So thanks to Bert
the Beaver and all his furry,
flat-tailed friends, Johnny was
able to save the settlement.
And thanks to Jenny,
Johnny was saved.
Well, Johnny, I'm
glad you decided
to stay a little longer.
I'm glad I got to
live a little longer.
Are you hungry?
Starving.
What did you bring?
Apples.
Oh.
After you.
Well, my dearest rambling
man, I'll be sad to see you go.
Well, I-- I've been
thinking about what you said.
And maybe I should plant
my roots and settle down.
You know, we could get
married and build a house,
and watch our trees grow.
I could get involved
in community affairs.
Sounds wonderful,
Johnny, but not for you.
You've got your two feet,
and I can't scratch them.
But I-- I just can't
bear the thought
of you sitting under the apple
tree with anybody else but me.
You've got a mission, Johnny.
And you can't let me or
anybody else stop you.
You're right, Jenny.
But at least, allow me
to plant a special apple
orchard in memory
of us, and that way,
you'll always remember me.
I'll always
remember you, Johnny.
And this is that
very same orchard
that Johnny planted for Jenny.
Who, by the way, just happens to
be my great great grandmother,
Granny Smith.
As for her Uncle Jack, he was
tarred and furred, and forced
to spend the rest of his
days in an unventilated room
with Larry.
Anyway, thanks to Johnny and
the beavers moving the river,
the settlement
grew and prospered.
Mac Macintosh became famous
for his breed of apple,
not to mention Granny Smiths.
And Smithville became known as
the Apple capital of the world.
What do you mean so what?
Listen, you city slicker.
If you can't understand
that these here trees
may be the last living memorial
to the great Johnny Appleseed,
then you got no business
owning this land.
And come to think of it, I
got no business selling it.
Now, go on.
Get out of my orchard.
You're stinking up the place.
What?
No way.
You can walk back, Jack.
You heard what Jimbo said.
Get out of this orchard.
And you better make it quick.
Otherwise, I just
might throw the biggest
thunderstorm you ever saw.