Tall Tales & Legends (1985–1988): Season 1, Episode 2 - Pecos Bill - full transcript
In 19th century Texas, a man raised by coyotes turns an uptight settlement town upside down and teaches them the Cowboy way of life.
[COYOTE HOWLS]
[THEME MUSIC]
When I was a kid
growing up in Texas,
cowboys weren't
only on the screen.
I was surrounded by them.
Why my grandfather was a cowboy.
And shoot.
I even had a cowgirl
outfit of my own.
Kind of like this one.
I also had my
favorite cowboy story.
And this is it.
Pecos Bill, King of the cowboys.
Yee-ha!
[THEME MUSIC]
Here you go.
Here's a couple of spots
got our names on them.
Hi gents.
What can I get for y'all?
Well, we need food, and
directions to Abilene.
Grandpa's taking me to a rodeo.
Is that right?
Kevin here lives in Vermont.
I'm going to show him a
little piece of Texas.
Well, in that case, I'd
take the scenic route.
Just take the black
top out front here.
Straight as the crow flies.
Then you hang a left
on tombstone road.
But you take it slow, cause
there's potholes so deep you
can hear the singing in China.
Keep your eyes open.
Some folks claim they've seen
snakes long as a fire hose.
And prairie dogs
big as a grizzly.
Thanks.
I'll be back in a shake
and get your order.
Grandpa, is that true?
Well, if he said be right
back, I'm sure he will.
No, I mean all that stuff about
the snakes, and the grizzlies,
and the potholes.
Not exactly.
Us Texans do have a habit of
exaggerating a little bit.
Why?
You could say it's tradition.
And it's one of the
things that makes
Texans so gall-darned special.
And they owe it all
to a man by the name
of Pecos Bill, who was
known throughout Texas
as, the King of the cowboys.
You see, Texas used to
be downright boring.
The only town in
the frontier then
was quiet little Petunia city.
And quiet was just
the way governor
Ambrose Peasley like it.
Citizens of Texas,
let the games begin.
In fact, the rowdiest
event of the year
was the annual checkers rodeo.
The governor, a
widower, wanted to keep
Texas a nice quiet place to
raise his three daughters.
Pansy, Posy, and Rose, who
found this lifestyle as dull
as a long winded preacher.
That Rose snuck
gum in here again.
All right, let's
have it, young lady.
And sit up straight.
And try and pay attention.
I hate checkers.
Why, it's the finest game in
Texas, and don't you forget it!
And these two fellas play
it with reckless abandon.
Daddy!
Look, it happened again.
NARRATOR: The
unfortunate contestant
had succumbed to the
only cause of death
in Petunia city, boredom.
I'll take care of everything
as usual, governor.
no raucous eulogy.
No--
I appreciate that, Reverend.
Thank you, Reverend.
We all thank you, Reverend.
And congratulations Bob.
Boy, this makes
six years in a row.
NARRATOR: his way back
to his farm, checkers
champion Bob Watkins stopped
for a drink at the Pecos River.
Little did he know that
this moment would change
the face of Texas forever!
PECOS BILL: [HOWLING]
NARRATOR: Bob almost died
of fright, which would have
been a first for Petunia city.
He Turned to see
the mangiest varmint
he had ever laid eyes on.
-Who-- who are you?
-I'm a coyote.
And I'm looking for dinner.
You ain't no coyote.
I am too a coyote.
I got fleas, and I
howl at the moon.
Well I know plenty
of people who do that.
Wait, wait, wait a minute.
If, uh-- if you was a
coyote, you'd have a tail.
I got a tail.
Oh, yeah?
Well, where?
Right back here.
[PANICKED NOISES]
NARRATOR: The creature had
never really looked before.
Well maybe it got
chewed off by something.
NARRATOR: When he was a baby,
and his family was moving west,
he'd fallen out of
a covered wagon.
The coyotes found
him, and raised him.
So he never knew he was human,
til Bob straightened him out.
So I'm a man, huh?
That's the darnedest
thing, you'd think
someone would have told me.
Would you like to
meet some other men?
There's others?
Sure.
Course, you need a
couple things, first.
Like a name.
You know, something that
somebody can call you.
Hmm.
Bill.
You like Bill?
Bill.
Howdy Bill.
Nice to meet you Bill.
[LAUGHS]
But it needs something else.
Hey.
What's this here river called?
The Pecos river.
Then I'll be Pecos Bill.
Now what else do I need?
Well, you going to
need some clothes.
And a hat for drinking out of.
-Oh.
Well, it better be able
to hold ten gallons,
because I got a mighty
powerful thirst!
[LAUGHING]
Boys, there's somebody
here I'd like you to meet.
This here is Pecos Bill.
Howdy, boys!
Bill, these are my hands.
tom, Don, and Juan.
Howdy, Juan.
Howdy, Don.
Hey, howdy, Tom.
It's nice to meet you, men!
I'm a man too, you know.
Where'd he get them
ridiculous clothes?
He picked them out hisself.
NARRATOR: The next
day, Bob and his hands
took Pecos Bill out to
show him how they made
their living as cow farmers.
Exactly how long do you
usually wait like this?
As long as it takes for that
cow to step into the snare.
Sometimes we wait
for a couple of days.
It's worth the wait
when you bag one.
[HORSE NEIGHS]
Aw, heck.
That's that darn wild horse.
He's going to
scare away our cow.
Ya-hoo!
By golly, that is one
fine looking animal!
ay, que diablo!
Shoot, that the fourth time
he's done that this week!
Well, we might as
well just pack it in.
You mind if I
make a suggestion?
If you can't get
the cow to the rope,
why don't you just bring
the rope to the cow?
Well I appreciate
that suggestion, Bill.
But we've been doing
it this way for years.
--[LAUGHS] Well can
I try something?
I learned this catching
panthers with rattlesnakes.
Yah!
Ha!
Yah!
Well if that don't beat all!
-Yeah, you s--
-Bill.
Hey Bill!
NARRATOR: From that day on,
they looked to Pecos Bill
to teach them how to be cowboys.
Yeah, that's it boys!
Keep your slipknots
loose, and remember!
it's all in the wrist.
We're mighty grateful.
We hauled in 46 cows today.
But you know, Bill.
A lot of folks in these
parts are going to be mighty
jealous we got all these cows.
What if they come and
try to steal them?
Well, we'll have to mark
them so we know their ours!
I know, we can put a
ribbon on their tails.
Or a collar around their
necks, with a name tag.
I got a better idea.
Start a fire.
-Oh, I get it.
We'll cook them, and we'll
eat them before anybody
can steal them. [LAUGHS]
NARRATOR: Bill could see it was
up to him to do the thinking.
So he invented the cattle
brand, and lots of other things.
You see I call this chili,
because it's anything but.
And I left out some
of the strong stuff,
because you got
to work up to it!
How do you know
when it's done, Bill?
[LAUGHS]
Come here, give her a try.
Needs more red pepper.
You shouldn't be able to
land on your feet that way.
Hmm.
NARRATOR: Meanwhile
in Petunia City,
Governor Peasley had his hands
full with his free spirited
youngest daughter, Rose.
Rose, I don't
understand your behavior.
And you know I don't allow
whittling in my office!
And get your feet off my desk!
Honestly, young lady. where
do you get the temerity?
She probably steals it.
[LAUGHS]
-Rose.
Reliable sources
have told me that you
were out running and
climbing trees this morning.
Is that any way for a
young lady to behave?
Found a salamander!
[SCREAMS]
GOVERNOR PEASLEY: Rose!
Rose, put that
disgusting thing away.
Oh he's just a harmless
critter, carn-sarnit!
Carn-sarnit?
Well the language
we use, little miss.
You've got the mouth
of an old prospector.
You always say I have
my mother's mouth.
And she would be
rolling over in her grave
if she saw you now.
You're wearing pants!
You're getting dirty!
Let's not forget that this
is Texas, the tidy state.
Oh daddy.
GOVERNOR PEASLEY: What?
Rose missed her
waltzing lesson again.
Oh daddy?
GOVERNOR PEASLEY: What?
Rose let her terrarium die.
Rose.
How are you ever going
to catch a man if you
don't start acting like a lady?
NARRATOR: Back at the ranch,
Bill was finding more ways
to give the cowboys
a special sense
of pride in who they were.
OK.
Bob?
That makes you Laredo.
And Don?
You're Galveston!
Tom?
You're Amarillo.
And Juan?
You're El Dorado!
Yee-ha!
I'm going to put my name
on the back of my burro.
[HORSE NEIGHS]
Carn-sarnit, it's
that wild horse again.
Shoot.
He's going to rile up the
cattle, and make them stampede.
Well it's time we
tame this critter.
I could use a good
riding horse, anyway.
And this one looks
just my style.
NARRATOR: What followed
was a battle so fierce,
it lasted three days.
PECOS BILL: Why you
stubborn pile of horse meat!
NARRATOR: The men feared neither
horse nor man would survive.
PECOS BILL: Ain't a
beast alive I can't ride!
He'll never make it.
[HORSE NEIGHS]
PECOS BILL: Yee-ha!
Go ahead and buck.
I ain't even worked
up a sweat yet.
[HORSE NEIGHS]
He'll never make it.
PECOS BILL: Whoa.
Whoa, you can kick all you
want, you lily-livered mule.
I ain't letting go!
He'll never make it.
[HORSE NEIGHS]
NARRATOR: Just about the time
the boys had given up hope,
Bill rode up on the grandest
horse the men had ever seen.
Howdy, boys.
When's breakfast?
Well if that don't beat all.
I warn you men not
to ride this horse.
He's a widowmaker.
Hey!
In fact, I think that's
what I'll call him!
You like that, Widowmaker?
POSY: Ooh Pansy, our daddy's
going to love these flowers.
Oh, Posy, look!
Sweetpeas!
Mmm, I love sweatpeas!
Oh Rose.
If you don't pick
any flowers, what
are you going to do
when it's your turn
to make the centerpiece?
I'll use my cactus again.
Oh Rose.
A cactus isn't a flower.
I know a cactus isn't a flower.
But it takes care of itself, and
it don't wilt and die, neither.
Oh, gross.
Girls.
Let me ask you something.
Don't you ever want for
something more exciting
than picking flowers,
or crocheting dollies?
Or having tea?
-No.
Why?
Sometimes I feel so
cooped up, and restless.
Like there's something
out there I'm missing.
Well.
Maybe you should keep a diary.
Or talk to the Minister.
Forget it.
[HORSE NEIGHS]
-Oh, Pansy!
It's an earthquake!
We'll be killed, and our
flowers will be crushed.
PECOS BILL: Yee-ha!
Wow!
To think there's a man
like that in Texas!
Yee-ha!
[MEN GROANING]
NARRATOR: That night, Pecos
served up some more chili.
And another lesson
on being a cowboy.
Anybody want more chili?
MEN: No.
I just got my eyesight
back from the last bowl.
Well all right, I'll
put the lid back on.
It's even better the second day.
[MEN GROANING]
Oh, I know what you boys need.
It's a trick I learned from the
coyotes to help aid digestion.
You see, whenever we ate
too many prairie dogs,
or come across a mealy
piece of skunk meat,
we'd just howl at the
moon til things settled.
We'll try anything.
Let's try howling.
OK?
Howl!
[MEN HOWLING]
PECOS BILL: Hold it!
Boys, boys, boys, hold it!
I forgot!
You haven't had the advantage
of a coyote upbringing.
Excuse Me.
Now I don't mean to
offend you gentlemen,
but you just don't have
the instinct for howling.
So, I figured out a way
to organize it all so
it sounds a little better.
On three.
One, Two, Three.
MEN SINGING IN
HARMONY: Oh give me
a home, where the buffalo roam.
And the deer and
the antelope play.
Where seldom is heard a
discouraging word, and the
skies are not cloudy all day.
Home, home on the range.
Where the deer, and
the antelope play.
Where seldom is heard, a
discouraging word, and the
skies are not cloudy all day.
NARRATOR: Yes, Pecos
Bill had penned
the first Texas trail
song, and taught
the cowboys how to sing it.
It worked to settle
the boy stomachs,
but it set someone
else's a jumping.
Rose was sure she'd never
heard anything so beautiful
in all her life.
The next day, Bill
and the boys started
another Texas tradition.
They rode into town.
It was the first time
anyone in Petunia
City had ever seen a cowboy.
What are they all staring at?
Oh, probably me.
I'm a six time checker champion.
Oh, right, right.
Howdy, folks!
We're just here for some chow,
and maybe to do some singing!
Bob?
What has happened to you?
I've become a cowboy.
Is that good?
Good?
It's better than a triple
jump on a checkerboard.
We're the wave of the future.
You watch and see.
Cowboys are going to change
the whole face of Texas.
I see.
Shouldn't that be in
your pocket, though?
Nope.
Closer to your nose this way.
Hey, Bob!
Well, gentlemen.
We have several
luncheon specials.
All of our food is
prepared locally,
and uh, our fresh catch
of the day is coyote.
[GROWLING]
[GUNSHOTS]
Reliable sources tell me
that you dragged yourself
in here at 3:00 in the morning!
What exactly were you doing?
Rose?
Looking for morning glories?
Don't get smart with me
young lady, and park your gum.
Daddy.
I was listening to the
purtiest music I ever heard.
Oh I knew it.
She's hanging out
with musicians.
I feel asleep, and when I
woke up I came straight home.
I'm sorry, daddy.
I promise you, it will
never happen again.
Oh, you're darn right it won't.
Rose, I've had to make a
very difficult decision.
I realize that I
cannot handle you!
I'm sorry, but I'm sending
you back east to live
with your Aunt Cornelia.
no, pop, please!
She ain't left that dark,
dank house in 30 years!
Your Aunt is a fine,
god fearing woman.
She will treat you well,
and raise you right.
And you'll be on the next stage.
No!
Daddy, daddy, come quick!
There's a bunch of
men in big goofy hats,
tearing up the Rusty Tulip!
What?
Daddy, daddy, come quick!
There's a bunch of
men in big goofy hats,
tearing up the Rusty Tulip!
Big hats!
Well I'll put a stop to this!
Ha ha!
This is more fun than checkers!
They're breaking the furniture!
Try it again, you missed!
Hit me there, I dare you.
Hey wait a minute,
friends shake!
Oh, you're a woman!
Come up here.
I'll keep you out of trouble.
Hey.
Good one, Tom.
All right, who's next?
Hold it. didn't you
already go before?
-Only once.
-Oh, all right.
Um, afternoon, Governor.
Just what is going on here?
And who is responsible
for this despicable mess?
I am, sir.
And I'd be happy to pay
for all the damages,
if you just take
coyote off the menu.
I like coyote.
[GROWLS]
Oh Bill, Bill.
Not here, and not now.
This is Governor Peasley.
That's right.
And as long as I am Governor
of Texas, this kind of behavior
will not be tolerated.
That goes for everybody!
[CROWD MOANS]
No you, big boy.
Get your rowdy
bunch out of town,
and make sure you
never come back again!
Let's go, boys.
This ain't no place
for real cowboys.
Daddy.
You're making a big mistake.
Don't you have
some packing to do?
And I want this place
cleaned up, and made
ready for the dinner crowd.
NARRATOR: Bill was plenty
steamed about his run
in with the Governor.
So he and his men turned
to outlawing for a while.
They never meant any harm,
they was just having fun.
As luck would have
it, Bill and his men
held up the very stage that
was taking Rose back east.
PECOS BILL: Hold it right there!
Wow.
PECOS BILL: All right.
Everybody out!
This is a stick up.
Now there's nothing to
be afraid of, folks.
Don't worry.
We're just on a little
scavenger hunt here.
OK.
Now we need a thimble.
We need a matchbox, and an
uncirculated 1815 buffalo head
nickel.
This guy's got
the nickel, Bill!
And here's the matchbox!
Come on lady, I know you
got a thimble in there.
Every woman carries a
thimble in her purse.
Not this one!
NARRATOR: With that
one mighty blow,
Rose had stolen Bill's heart.
Howdy, ma'am.
Hi.
See you, boys.
[COYOTE HOWLS]
That girl looks
mighty familiar.
Bill?
These last three days
with you have been
the best three days of my life.
I never knew life in Texas
could be so exciting.
Well, you only get one go
around this big tumbleweed.
If you can't live
it as a coyote,
you might as well
live it as a cowboy.
No matter what that
weasel of a Governor says.
What's his name?
-Oh.
Uh, uh, Peasley?
You know him?
I've seen him.
Well then enough said.
Say!
Where are my manners?
I've been calling you
my pretty little coyote,
and I never even
asked your real name.
Oh, well.
Uh.
It's uh, it's uh,
kind of a tricky name.
It's uh, Sue.
Just plain Sue?
No, that would be
dull, wouldn't it?
Slew Foot Sue!
I was named after an Aunt.
Slew Foot Sue!
I like that.
I'm glad.
Cause I like you.
Oh, I like you.
Oh my.
It is warm today.
Uh-huh.
I think I'll go
for a little swim.
Uh-huh.
You, uh, want, want-- uh.
You want to join me?
Uh, no thanks.
I think I'll just let
this barb-wire pie settle.
NARRATOR: Bill was mighty
sweet on Slew Foot Sue already,
but then he saw something
that locked her in his heart
forever!
There In the middle
of the Pecos River
sat Sue, astride the biggest,
wildest catfish ever!
And she was having a
whale of a good time!
That a girl, Sue!
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, in Petunia
City, Pecos Bill's visit
had left its mark
on the townspeople.
They admired Bill's
guts, and did everything
to copy his two fisted style.
This riled Governor
Peasley no end.
People.
People!
People, please try
and act like people!
Shut up!
Thank you, angels.
Citizens of Petunia City, we
are faced with a grave threat
to the integrity of our
great state of Texas.
One man seeks to
undermine the very fiber
of our peaceful existence.
This man.
Pecos Bill.
[CROWD CHEERS]
People!
This desperado has
kidnapped my daughter!
And encouraged an
insidious disregard
for manners in our community.
I want him caught.
Dead or alive.
Good day.
We designed these
posters ourselves.
We thought that
the simple word,
wanted, above the picture,
was a succinct way
of stating our message.
Hang these in your
businesses and homes,
as a constant reminder
of the threat among us.
NARRATOR: And so, one
could say, Pecos Bill
inspired the first
wanted poster in Texas.
Governor Peasley
wanted to remove
any memory of Pecos Bill.
He enacted new laws against
wearing cowboy clothes,
and behaving like a rowdy.
There'd be no card
playing, no calf
roping, no singing,
no hollering,
no wearing of leather.
He even went so far
as to outlaw rope!
Unfortunately, when
Peasley got rid
of the last traces
of Bill's influence,
it took all the life
out of Petunia City.
Well here's a toast, to the
most wanted man in Texas.
Pecos Bill and his new
bride, Slew Foot Sue.
Slew Foot Sue!
Here!
Aw shucks, fellas.
I swear I know that
girl from somewheres.
Darling?
I'd like to give you a present
I threw together myself.
Uh-oh.
Another canteen cover.
[LAUGHING]
No, darling.
It's better.
It's a song I wrote
especially for you.
Boys?
SONG: She's the sweetest little
flower, I ever, ever, knew!
Her eyes are bright as diamonds.
They sparkle like the dew.
You may talk about your Daisy
Mae, and sing of Rosalie,
but the Slew Foot Sue of
Texas, is the only gal for me!
Ya-hoo!
Bill, that's so purty!
Oh, darling.
You know, there's only
more thing that would
make this day perfect for me.
Oh, you, you name it honey!
I'd give you the
world if I could.
I'd like to ride Widowmaker.
No!
No, no, that's entirely
out of the question.
This horse is too ornery.
I can handle him!
You saw me ride that catfish!
A cat-- that's an
entirely different critter!
Entirely different temperament.
Well Bill!
No, and I am not
changing my mind.
Darling, let's not be
scrapping like polecats
on our wedding day.
Hey Bill!
How about a piece
of gunpowder cake?
I don't mind if I do.
Now darling, you
look real pretty.
NARRATOR: Sue had thought Bill
was just being overprotective.
She soon found out
that horse wouldn't
stand for anyone but Bill.
Giddyup!
[HORSE NEIGHS]
-Carn-sarnit!
I told that girl not
to ride that horse!
NARRATOR: And with
one big mighty buck,
he sent Sue a flying in the air.
And when she down, that
big hoop skirt of hers
just sent her right
back up again.
This went on for several days.
Bill.
Don't you think you ought to
do something to get Sue down?
Help!
Bill!
Are you going to make
your bet, or what?
Bill, she's gaining
altitude with every bounce.
I'll call you,
and raise you five.
SUE: Bill!
Bill, come on.
Be sensible.
She can't go on
like that forever.
Carn-sarnit.
I told that woman not
to mess with Widowmaker.
Now she'll have to
learn her lesson.
What do you got?
Four Kings.
That beats me.
Aw, shoot.
Ain't won a hand yet.
Well think about it.
Where you ever going to meet
another gal like Slew Foot Sue?
Oh, all right.
Somebody get me
seven miles of rope.
NARRATOR: By the time
Bill and the boys
had gathered enough rope,
Sue was bouncing eye to eye
with the man in the moon.
Howdy.
Ha ha!
Hold on, honey.
NARRATOR: It took a mighty heave
of that lariat for Pecos Bill
to lasso his bride.
But bill brought Sue back to
Earth before she had to set up
housekeeping in the Milky Way.
That does it.
It's the last time I'm
ever wearing a dress.
Well.
Then maybe next time
you'll believe me.
When I tell you to stay
off that horse, darlin,
it's for your own good.
Pipe down, Bill.
We got bigger troubles.
On my last trip up, I spotted
1,000 men on horseback
headed this way.
And they look mighty mean.
By God.
You're right.
And they're about a mile off.
And they're packing
extra gun powder.
Oh my good god, they
want to kill you!
What an honor!
The first posse, and
they're after me!
Oh Bill, Honey, what
are you going to do?
Well.
If it wasn't our honeymoon,
I'd stay and fight them.
But we got prior plans.
Widowmaker!
Come on, darling.
NARRATOR: It was the first time,
but certainly not the last,
that a man running from
the law would hightail
it across the Mexican border.
And just to make sure
that posse would follow,
Pecos Bill dug the Rio Grande.
Which still divides
Texas and Mexico today!
[HOWLING]
Ole!
Ole.
Ole.
Ole.
Bill.
Bill.
Bill!
Oh, I'm sorry, darling.
Gracias, Julio!
Honey!
You haven't even touched
your fried tarantulas yet!
Yeah well, uh, I guess
I'm not hungry, Bill.
Mm.
I miss Texas.
Carn-sarnit, darling.
we've been through this before.
I miss Texas more than anybody.
The smell of mesquite.
The music of a coyote choir.
The sight of sagebrush
blooming in the spring.
Below one of those
dewy eyed doggies.
Oh.
But darling, we can't go back.
That Governor Peasley,
he'd throw me in jail!
Or worse.
Well, maybe if I
talked to him, he'd
see that you weren't such a bad
guy, and he'd let us come back!
Oh darling, that's
real sweet of you.
But why would he listen to you?
On account of,
I'm his daughter.
Carn-sarnit!
[LAUGHS]
NARRATOR: Well things in Petunia
City were downright awful.
The town had lost its spirit.
Even the rain gave up.
I had such plans for Texas.
I really wanted to
make an imprint here.
I wanted people to remember
these as the Peasley years.
The golden age of Texas.
And they're going to
remember all right.
They're going to blame me as the
man who let Texas just dry up
and blow away.
But it's not my fault, Clarice.
You must believe me!
I am the victim of
vile circumstances!
-Dad.
-What, Rose?
Rose?
Rose!
Rose, you're back!
Oh, it's a sign, it must be.
Daddy, you look tired.
Well you know, a governor's
work is never done, honey.
I was just telling your
mother here all about that.
She was always such
a wonderful listener.
Daddy, I barely
recognize Petunia city.
There's hardly a soul around!
Well, It's quiet.
It's dead!
Well, dead is quiet.
Daddy.
I can only stay
on one condition.
That you can keep
your salamander.
Which is fine with me, as
long as it stays in a cage.
You gotta let Pecos
Bill come back.
Oh, that's impossible.
The man is an outlaw.
He's a renegade,
and he's a thief!
He is not!
He is too!
He cleaned a stagecoach out
of a matchbox and a nickel!
He did it for fun.
Bill is the spirit
of Texas, daddy!
Sure it may get a little
rough and rowdy sometimes,
but we got room for that here.
We got room for people to
grab life by the horns,
get down in the dirt
and wrestle with it!
-You are shouting, Rose!
-Why not?
This ain't Connecticut!
How can you defend a
man that kidnapped you?
He never kidnapped me.
He married me.
What?
We got hitched.
Oh, this would
kill your mother.
If she weren't already gone.
I love him very much, daddy.
And you would too, if you'd
only give him a chance!
He already had a chance,
and look what happened.
He ruined a perfectly
good restaurant.
Pecos Bill will never
be welcome in Texas.
The sorriest thing is
how everything is dying.
Cactus are drooping.
Cattle are moping.
Coyotes ain't even
howling anymore.
Sue.
This pains me deeply.
Here I am fretting about
my own hide, when the state
I love has been going to ruin.
I went by Bob's ranch.
They've gone back to
roping cows the old way.
Said it doesn't matter.
Ain't enough water for more
than a couple of cows, anyway.
That's it.
It's time to put a
stop to all this.
Well what are you going to do?
End the drought yourself?
Yup.
I'll drain the Gulf
of Mexico if need be.
I'll take-- Of
course, that might
rile up mi amigos down here.
Or!
I could reroute the Mississippi!
Right through the
middle of Petunia City!
Or.
I could find me a cyclone.
Ride her into Texas, and make
me a big beautiful rainstorm!
Oh Bill, darling,
you're such a dreamer.
NARRATOR: She had
forgotten that when
Bill set his mind to something,
there was no stopping him.
He traveled all over
the west, looking
for just the right twister.
And when he found her, a
blowing and a cussing up yonder,
he set about to rope and
ride her back to Texas.
Meanwhile, Petunia City
was well on its way
to becoming the world's
first ghost town.
Oh come on, folks.
Reconsider!
You're going to miss
the flower fair!
Reverend?
Won't you change
your mind and stay?
Nope.
I've accepted a position in an
area with a brighter future.
We're off to Death Valley.
Good riddance to bad rubbish.
Posy, please.
Maybe these people are right.
We may as well pack it up too.
SUE: No daddy, wait.
Rose?
Oof.
What is she riding?
-Waiter.
Will you see my catfish
gets some water quick?
Uh.
We ain't got any.
No problem.
It's going to rain soon anyhow.
Then can I keep this?
-Sure.
Souvenir of the day
Pecos Bill saved Texas.
What are you
talking about, Rose?
That!
PECOS BILL: Yee-hoo!
Yee-ha!
Wa-hoo!
Yee-ha!
Come on you old
blow hard, give up!
I ain't letting go
until you start raining!
[THUNDER BOOMS]
GOVERNOR PEASLEY: I
don't believe my eyes!
-Ya-hoo, That a boy, Bill!
-Rain!
Blessed rain, my
career is saved!
It's a miracle!
I know God works
in mysterious ways,
but this is a new one on me!
-Ya-hoo!
Did you hear that?
I just ya-hood, dangit!
Oh daddy.
And I'm starting
to talk funny, too!
This feels good!
Ya-hoo!
Daddy, please have
a little decorum!
Oh put a cork in it,
Pansy, I'm having fun!
Look!
A puddle!
This is the worst
day of my life!
NARRATOR: Sure as little
boys hate grandma's kisses,
Pecos Bill had brought
life back to Petunia City.
[SINGING HAPPILY]
NARRATOR: One by one,
the people returned.
Their grateful governor was
happier than a pig in mud.
He even lifted his ban
on wearing cowboy hats.
Hey everybody!
He's here!
It's Pecos Bill!
[CROWD CHEERS]
-Hip, hip!
-Hooray!
-Hip, hip!
Hooray!
Hip, hip!
Hooray!
Thank you kindly,
Thank you kindly.
Now put me down, boys!
I'm a mite saddle sore.
-Mr. Bill?
-Call me Pecos.
I appreciate that, Pecos.
I have to admit, I
was wrong about you.
I think when all of us here
were ready to give up on Texas,
you were the one that came in
and showed us how to-- right.
Grab life by the horns,
and get down in the dirt
and wrassle with it?
That's it!
I myself played
in a puddle today!
Wait to go, Governor!
What about this?
Is Bill still going
to be a wanted man?
You bet!
I want him taken to
the jail immediately!
[CROWD MOANS]
And sworn in, as
the new Sheriff.
Of this town, which I
hereby rename Pecos, Texas.
Yee-hoo!
Now hold on, that is
if you and Rose would
consider settling down here.
Well now, I'm sure this
Rose is a fine woman, sir.
But I'm already married!
To Slew Foot Sue.
Slew Foot Sue?
I'll explain later, daddy.
That's who that is!
She's the governor's daughter.
I knew I knew that face.
Didn't I say I knew I knew her?
What do you say, Pecos?
Be a great place
to raise our kids.
Well why not?
It's already got my name on it.
All right!
Move over, Beethoven.
(SINGING) She's the
sweetest little flower,
I ever, ever, knew.
Her eyes are bright as diamonds.
They sparkle like the dew.
NARRATOR: Soon
after, the Governor
got Bill to change
the name of the song
to, the Yellow Rose of Texas.
After Rose's given name.
And Texans still sing
it to this very day.
Now then.
We're going to have to legalize
spitting, social cussing,
and card playing.
Well.
Carn-sarnit, I've got me
a fresh deck right here.
Wa-hoo!
And shouting aloud,
except for Sunday morning.
No problem there.
All right.
Now then, sir.
We're going to have to
drive cattle down Main
Street from time to time.
Now you ain't a
thinking during church?
No.
All right then.
NARRATOR: Course, the new Texas
lifestyle wasn't for everybody.
But where will we go?
We'll take the midnight
stage to San Francisco,
and open that doily
shop we always wanted!
But Pansy, there's
earthquakes there!
Shut up!
NARRATOR: The celebrating
went on into the night.
The cowboys shot so
many bullets in the air,
they knocked out all of
the stars in the sky.
Except one.
And that's why they call
it the Lone Star state.
[LAUGHING]
So you see, Kevin.
Texas wouldn't be
what it is today,
if it wasn't for Pecos Bill.
But I still don't understand
why Texans exaggerate so much.
Well, it's really very simple.
You see, people admired
Pecos Bill so much,
that them that couldn't
do what he could,
they figured to make up
for it by talking big.
And it just kind of stuck.
Can I get you two
buckaroos some dessert?
Sure what you got?
Well we got deep
dish cherry pie.
So deep you'd need a shovel
to get the bottom of it!
And hot fudge sundae so
high you can skate on it.
And apple cobbler so fresh it
was baked right on the tree.
[LAUGHING]
[LAUGHING]
PECOS BILL: Wa-hoo!
[THEME MUSIC]
[THEME MUSIC]
When I was a kid
growing up in Texas,
cowboys weren't
only on the screen.
I was surrounded by them.
Why my grandfather was a cowboy.
And shoot.
I even had a cowgirl
outfit of my own.
Kind of like this one.
I also had my
favorite cowboy story.
And this is it.
Pecos Bill, King of the cowboys.
Yee-ha!
[THEME MUSIC]
Here you go.
Here's a couple of spots
got our names on them.
Hi gents.
What can I get for y'all?
Well, we need food, and
directions to Abilene.
Grandpa's taking me to a rodeo.
Is that right?
Kevin here lives in Vermont.
I'm going to show him a
little piece of Texas.
Well, in that case, I'd
take the scenic route.
Just take the black
top out front here.
Straight as the crow flies.
Then you hang a left
on tombstone road.
But you take it slow, cause
there's potholes so deep you
can hear the singing in China.
Keep your eyes open.
Some folks claim they've seen
snakes long as a fire hose.
And prairie dogs
big as a grizzly.
Thanks.
I'll be back in a shake
and get your order.
Grandpa, is that true?
Well, if he said be right
back, I'm sure he will.
No, I mean all that stuff about
the snakes, and the grizzlies,
and the potholes.
Not exactly.
Us Texans do have a habit of
exaggerating a little bit.
Why?
You could say it's tradition.
And it's one of the
things that makes
Texans so gall-darned special.
And they owe it all
to a man by the name
of Pecos Bill, who was
known throughout Texas
as, the King of the cowboys.
You see, Texas used to
be downright boring.
The only town in
the frontier then
was quiet little Petunia city.
And quiet was just
the way governor
Ambrose Peasley like it.
Citizens of Texas,
let the games begin.
In fact, the rowdiest
event of the year
was the annual checkers rodeo.
The governor, a
widower, wanted to keep
Texas a nice quiet place to
raise his three daughters.
Pansy, Posy, and Rose, who
found this lifestyle as dull
as a long winded preacher.
That Rose snuck
gum in here again.
All right, let's
have it, young lady.
And sit up straight.
And try and pay attention.
I hate checkers.
Why, it's the finest game in
Texas, and don't you forget it!
And these two fellas play
it with reckless abandon.
Daddy!
Look, it happened again.
NARRATOR: The
unfortunate contestant
had succumbed to the
only cause of death
in Petunia city, boredom.
I'll take care of everything
as usual, governor.
no raucous eulogy.
No--
I appreciate that, Reverend.
Thank you, Reverend.
We all thank you, Reverend.
And congratulations Bob.
Boy, this makes
six years in a row.
NARRATOR: his way back
to his farm, checkers
champion Bob Watkins stopped
for a drink at the Pecos River.
Little did he know that
this moment would change
the face of Texas forever!
PECOS BILL: [HOWLING]
NARRATOR: Bob almost died
of fright, which would have
been a first for Petunia city.
He Turned to see
the mangiest varmint
he had ever laid eyes on.
-Who-- who are you?
-I'm a coyote.
And I'm looking for dinner.
You ain't no coyote.
I am too a coyote.
I got fleas, and I
howl at the moon.
Well I know plenty
of people who do that.
Wait, wait, wait a minute.
If, uh-- if you was a
coyote, you'd have a tail.
I got a tail.
Oh, yeah?
Well, where?
Right back here.
[PANICKED NOISES]
NARRATOR: The creature had
never really looked before.
Well maybe it got
chewed off by something.
NARRATOR: When he was a baby,
and his family was moving west,
he'd fallen out of
a covered wagon.
The coyotes found
him, and raised him.
So he never knew he was human,
til Bob straightened him out.
So I'm a man, huh?
That's the darnedest
thing, you'd think
someone would have told me.
Would you like to
meet some other men?
There's others?
Sure.
Course, you need a
couple things, first.
Like a name.
You know, something that
somebody can call you.
Hmm.
Bill.
You like Bill?
Bill.
Howdy Bill.
Nice to meet you Bill.
[LAUGHS]
But it needs something else.
Hey.
What's this here river called?
The Pecos river.
Then I'll be Pecos Bill.
Now what else do I need?
Well, you going to
need some clothes.
And a hat for drinking out of.
-Oh.
Well, it better be able
to hold ten gallons,
because I got a mighty
powerful thirst!
[LAUGHING]
Boys, there's somebody
here I'd like you to meet.
This here is Pecos Bill.
Howdy, boys!
Bill, these are my hands.
tom, Don, and Juan.
Howdy, Juan.
Howdy, Don.
Hey, howdy, Tom.
It's nice to meet you, men!
I'm a man too, you know.
Where'd he get them
ridiculous clothes?
He picked them out hisself.
NARRATOR: The next
day, Bob and his hands
took Pecos Bill out to
show him how they made
their living as cow farmers.
Exactly how long do you
usually wait like this?
As long as it takes for that
cow to step into the snare.
Sometimes we wait
for a couple of days.
It's worth the wait
when you bag one.
[HORSE NEIGHS]
Aw, heck.
That's that darn wild horse.
He's going to
scare away our cow.
Ya-hoo!
By golly, that is one
fine looking animal!
ay, que diablo!
Shoot, that the fourth time
he's done that this week!
Well, we might as
well just pack it in.
You mind if I
make a suggestion?
If you can't get
the cow to the rope,
why don't you just bring
the rope to the cow?
Well I appreciate
that suggestion, Bill.
But we've been doing
it this way for years.
--[LAUGHS] Well can
I try something?
I learned this catching
panthers with rattlesnakes.
Yah!
Ha!
Yah!
Well if that don't beat all!
-Yeah, you s--
-Bill.
Hey Bill!
NARRATOR: From that day on,
they looked to Pecos Bill
to teach them how to be cowboys.
Yeah, that's it boys!
Keep your slipknots
loose, and remember!
it's all in the wrist.
We're mighty grateful.
We hauled in 46 cows today.
But you know, Bill.
A lot of folks in these
parts are going to be mighty
jealous we got all these cows.
What if they come and
try to steal them?
Well, we'll have to mark
them so we know their ours!
I know, we can put a
ribbon on their tails.
Or a collar around their
necks, with a name tag.
I got a better idea.
Start a fire.
-Oh, I get it.
We'll cook them, and we'll
eat them before anybody
can steal them. [LAUGHS]
NARRATOR: Bill could see it was
up to him to do the thinking.
So he invented the cattle
brand, and lots of other things.
You see I call this chili,
because it's anything but.
And I left out some
of the strong stuff,
because you got
to work up to it!
How do you know
when it's done, Bill?
[LAUGHS]
Come here, give her a try.
Needs more red pepper.
You shouldn't be able to
land on your feet that way.
Hmm.
NARRATOR: Meanwhile
in Petunia City,
Governor Peasley had his hands
full with his free spirited
youngest daughter, Rose.
Rose, I don't
understand your behavior.
And you know I don't allow
whittling in my office!
And get your feet off my desk!
Honestly, young lady. where
do you get the temerity?
She probably steals it.
[LAUGHS]
-Rose.
Reliable sources
have told me that you
were out running and
climbing trees this morning.
Is that any way for a
young lady to behave?
Found a salamander!
[SCREAMS]
GOVERNOR PEASLEY: Rose!
Rose, put that
disgusting thing away.
Oh he's just a harmless
critter, carn-sarnit!
Carn-sarnit?
Well the language
we use, little miss.
You've got the mouth
of an old prospector.
You always say I have
my mother's mouth.
And she would be
rolling over in her grave
if she saw you now.
You're wearing pants!
You're getting dirty!
Let's not forget that this
is Texas, the tidy state.
Oh daddy.
GOVERNOR PEASLEY: What?
Rose missed her
waltzing lesson again.
Oh daddy?
GOVERNOR PEASLEY: What?
Rose let her terrarium die.
Rose.
How are you ever going
to catch a man if you
don't start acting like a lady?
NARRATOR: Back at the ranch,
Bill was finding more ways
to give the cowboys
a special sense
of pride in who they were.
OK.
Bob?
That makes you Laredo.
And Don?
You're Galveston!
Tom?
You're Amarillo.
And Juan?
You're El Dorado!
Yee-ha!
I'm going to put my name
on the back of my burro.
[HORSE NEIGHS]
Carn-sarnit, it's
that wild horse again.
Shoot.
He's going to rile up the
cattle, and make them stampede.
Well it's time we
tame this critter.
I could use a good
riding horse, anyway.
And this one looks
just my style.
NARRATOR: What followed
was a battle so fierce,
it lasted three days.
PECOS BILL: Why you
stubborn pile of horse meat!
NARRATOR: The men feared neither
horse nor man would survive.
PECOS BILL: Ain't a
beast alive I can't ride!
He'll never make it.
[HORSE NEIGHS]
PECOS BILL: Yee-ha!
Go ahead and buck.
I ain't even worked
up a sweat yet.
[HORSE NEIGHS]
He'll never make it.
PECOS BILL: Whoa.
Whoa, you can kick all you
want, you lily-livered mule.
I ain't letting go!
He'll never make it.
[HORSE NEIGHS]
NARRATOR: Just about the time
the boys had given up hope,
Bill rode up on the grandest
horse the men had ever seen.
Howdy, boys.
When's breakfast?
Well if that don't beat all.
I warn you men not
to ride this horse.
He's a widowmaker.
Hey!
In fact, I think that's
what I'll call him!
You like that, Widowmaker?
POSY: Ooh Pansy, our daddy's
going to love these flowers.
Oh, Posy, look!
Sweetpeas!
Mmm, I love sweatpeas!
Oh Rose.
If you don't pick
any flowers, what
are you going to do
when it's your turn
to make the centerpiece?
I'll use my cactus again.
Oh Rose.
A cactus isn't a flower.
I know a cactus isn't a flower.
But it takes care of itself, and
it don't wilt and die, neither.
Oh, gross.
Girls.
Let me ask you something.
Don't you ever want for
something more exciting
than picking flowers,
or crocheting dollies?
Or having tea?
-No.
Why?
Sometimes I feel so
cooped up, and restless.
Like there's something
out there I'm missing.
Well.
Maybe you should keep a diary.
Or talk to the Minister.
Forget it.
[HORSE NEIGHS]
-Oh, Pansy!
It's an earthquake!
We'll be killed, and our
flowers will be crushed.
PECOS BILL: Yee-ha!
Wow!
To think there's a man
like that in Texas!
Yee-ha!
[MEN GROANING]
NARRATOR: That night, Pecos
served up some more chili.
And another lesson
on being a cowboy.
Anybody want more chili?
MEN: No.
I just got my eyesight
back from the last bowl.
Well all right, I'll
put the lid back on.
It's even better the second day.
[MEN GROANING]
Oh, I know what you boys need.
It's a trick I learned from the
coyotes to help aid digestion.
You see, whenever we ate
too many prairie dogs,
or come across a mealy
piece of skunk meat,
we'd just howl at the
moon til things settled.
We'll try anything.
Let's try howling.
OK?
Howl!
[MEN HOWLING]
PECOS BILL: Hold it!
Boys, boys, boys, hold it!
I forgot!
You haven't had the advantage
of a coyote upbringing.
Excuse Me.
Now I don't mean to
offend you gentlemen,
but you just don't have
the instinct for howling.
So, I figured out a way
to organize it all so
it sounds a little better.
On three.
One, Two, Three.
MEN SINGING IN
HARMONY: Oh give me
a home, where the buffalo roam.
And the deer and
the antelope play.
Where seldom is heard a
discouraging word, and the
skies are not cloudy all day.
Home, home on the range.
Where the deer, and
the antelope play.
Where seldom is heard, a
discouraging word, and the
skies are not cloudy all day.
NARRATOR: Yes, Pecos
Bill had penned
the first Texas trail
song, and taught
the cowboys how to sing it.
It worked to settle
the boy stomachs,
but it set someone
else's a jumping.
Rose was sure she'd never
heard anything so beautiful
in all her life.
The next day, Bill
and the boys started
another Texas tradition.
They rode into town.
It was the first time
anyone in Petunia
City had ever seen a cowboy.
What are they all staring at?
Oh, probably me.
I'm a six time checker champion.
Oh, right, right.
Howdy, folks!
We're just here for some chow,
and maybe to do some singing!
Bob?
What has happened to you?
I've become a cowboy.
Is that good?
Good?
It's better than a triple
jump on a checkerboard.
We're the wave of the future.
You watch and see.
Cowboys are going to change
the whole face of Texas.
I see.
Shouldn't that be in
your pocket, though?
Nope.
Closer to your nose this way.
Hey, Bob!
Well, gentlemen.
We have several
luncheon specials.
All of our food is
prepared locally,
and uh, our fresh catch
of the day is coyote.
[GROWLING]
[GUNSHOTS]
Reliable sources tell me
that you dragged yourself
in here at 3:00 in the morning!
What exactly were you doing?
Rose?
Looking for morning glories?
Don't get smart with me
young lady, and park your gum.
Daddy.
I was listening to the
purtiest music I ever heard.
Oh I knew it.
She's hanging out
with musicians.
I feel asleep, and when I
woke up I came straight home.
I'm sorry, daddy.
I promise you, it will
never happen again.
Oh, you're darn right it won't.
Rose, I've had to make a
very difficult decision.
I realize that I
cannot handle you!
I'm sorry, but I'm sending
you back east to live
with your Aunt Cornelia.
no, pop, please!
She ain't left that dark,
dank house in 30 years!
Your Aunt is a fine,
god fearing woman.
She will treat you well,
and raise you right.
And you'll be on the next stage.
No!
Daddy, daddy, come quick!
There's a bunch of
men in big goofy hats,
tearing up the Rusty Tulip!
What?
Daddy, daddy, come quick!
There's a bunch of
men in big goofy hats,
tearing up the Rusty Tulip!
Big hats!
Well I'll put a stop to this!
Ha ha!
This is more fun than checkers!
They're breaking the furniture!
Try it again, you missed!
Hit me there, I dare you.
Hey wait a minute,
friends shake!
Oh, you're a woman!
Come up here.
I'll keep you out of trouble.
Hey.
Good one, Tom.
All right, who's next?
Hold it. didn't you
already go before?
-Only once.
-Oh, all right.
Um, afternoon, Governor.
Just what is going on here?
And who is responsible
for this despicable mess?
I am, sir.
And I'd be happy to pay
for all the damages,
if you just take
coyote off the menu.
I like coyote.
[GROWLS]
Oh Bill, Bill.
Not here, and not now.
This is Governor Peasley.
That's right.
And as long as I am Governor
of Texas, this kind of behavior
will not be tolerated.
That goes for everybody!
[CROWD MOANS]
No you, big boy.
Get your rowdy
bunch out of town,
and make sure you
never come back again!
Let's go, boys.
This ain't no place
for real cowboys.
Daddy.
You're making a big mistake.
Don't you have
some packing to do?
And I want this place
cleaned up, and made
ready for the dinner crowd.
NARRATOR: Bill was plenty
steamed about his run
in with the Governor.
So he and his men turned
to outlawing for a while.
They never meant any harm,
they was just having fun.
As luck would have
it, Bill and his men
held up the very stage that
was taking Rose back east.
PECOS BILL: Hold it right there!
Wow.
PECOS BILL: All right.
Everybody out!
This is a stick up.
Now there's nothing to
be afraid of, folks.
Don't worry.
We're just on a little
scavenger hunt here.
OK.
Now we need a thimble.
We need a matchbox, and an
uncirculated 1815 buffalo head
nickel.
This guy's got
the nickel, Bill!
And here's the matchbox!
Come on lady, I know you
got a thimble in there.
Every woman carries a
thimble in her purse.
Not this one!
NARRATOR: With that
one mighty blow,
Rose had stolen Bill's heart.
Howdy, ma'am.
Hi.
See you, boys.
[COYOTE HOWLS]
That girl looks
mighty familiar.
Bill?
These last three days
with you have been
the best three days of my life.
I never knew life in Texas
could be so exciting.
Well, you only get one go
around this big tumbleweed.
If you can't live
it as a coyote,
you might as well
live it as a cowboy.
No matter what that
weasel of a Governor says.
What's his name?
-Oh.
Uh, uh, Peasley?
You know him?
I've seen him.
Well then enough said.
Say!
Where are my manners?
I've been calling you
my pretty little coyote,
and I never even
asked your real name.
Oh, well.
Uh.
It's uh, it's uh,
kind of a tricky name.
It's uh, Sue.
Just plain Sue?
No, that would be
dull, wouldn't it?
Slew Foot Sue!
I was named after an Aunt.
Slew Foot Sue!
I like that.
I'm glad.
Cause I like you.
Oh, I like you.
Oh my.
It is warm today.
Uh-huh.
I think I'll go
for a little swim.
Uh-huh.
You, uh, want, want-- uh.
You want to join me?
Uh, no thanks.
I think I'll just let
this barb-wire pie settle.
NARRATOR: Bill was mighty
sweet on Slew Foot Sue already,
but then he saw something
that locked her in his heart
forever!
There In the middle
of the Pecos River
sat Sue, astride the biggest,
wildest catfish ever!
And she was having a
whale of a good time!
That a girl, Sue!
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, in Petunia
City, Pecos Bill's visit
had left its mark
on the townspeople.
They admired Bill's
guts, and did everything
to copy his two fisted style.
This riled Governor
Peasley no end.
People.
People!
People, please try
and act like people!
Shut up!
Thank you, angels.
Citizens of Petunia City, we
are faced with a grave threat
to the integrity of our
great state of Texas.
One man seeks to
undermine the very fiber
of our peaceful existence.
This man.
Pecos Bill.
[CROWD CHEERS]
People!
This desperado has
kidnapped my daughter!
And encouraged an
insidious disregard
for manners in our community.
I want him caught.
Dead or alive.
Good day.
We designed these
posters ourselves.
We thought that
the simple word,
wanted, above the picture,
was a succinct way
of stating our message.
Hang these in your
businesses and homes,
as a constant reminder
of the threat among us.
NARRATOR: And so, one
could say, Pecos Bill
inspired the first
wanted poster in Texas.
Governor Peasley
wanted to remove
any memory of Pecos Bill.
He enacted new laws against
wearing cowboy clothes,
and behaving like a rowdy.
There'd be no card
playing, no calf
roping, no singing,
no hollering,
no wearing of leather.
He even went so far
as to outlaw rope!
Unfortunately, when
Peasley got rid
of the last traces
of Bill's influence,
it took all the life
out of Petunia City.
Well here's a toast, to the
most wanted man in Texas.
Pecos Bill and his new
bride, Slew Foot Sue.
Slew Foot Sue!
Here!
Aw shucks, fellas.
I swear I know that
girl from somewheres.
Darling?
I'd like to give you a present
I threw together myself.
Uh-oh.
Another canteen cover.
[LAUGHING]
No, darling.
It's better.
It's a song I wrote
especially for you.
Boys?
SONG: She's the sweetest little
flower, I ever, ever, knew!
Her eyes are bright as diamonds.
They sparkle like the dew.
You may talk about your Daisy
Mae, and sing of Rosalie,
but the Slew Foot Sue of
Texas, is the only gal for me!
Ya-hoo!
Bill, that's so purty!
Oh, darling.
You know, there's only
more thing that would
make this day perfect for me.
Oh, you, you name it honey!
I'd give you the
world if I could.
I'd like to ride Widowmaker.
No!
No, no, that's entirely
out of the question.
This horse is too ornery.
I can handle him!
You saw me ride that catfish!
A cat-- that's an
entirely different critter!
Entirely different temperament.
Well Bill!
No, and I am not
changing my mind.
Darling, let's not be
scrapping like polecats
on our wedding day.
Hey Bill!
How about a piece
of gunpowder cake?
I don't mind if I do.
Now darling, you
look real pretty.
NARRATOR: Sue had thought Bill
was just being overprotective.
She soon found out
that horse wouldn't
stand for anyone but Bill.
Giddyup!
[HORSE NEIGHS]
-Carn-sarnit!
I told that girl not
to ride that horse!
NARRATOR: And with
one big mighty buck,
he sent Sue a flying in the air.
And when she down, that
big hoop skirt of hers
just sent her right
back up again.
This went on for several days.
Bill.
Don't you think you ought to
do something to get Sue down?
Help!
Bill!
Are you going to make
your bet, or what?
Bill, she's gaining
altitude with every bounce.
I'll call you,
and raise you five.
SUE: Bill!
Bill, come on.
Be sensible.
She can't go on
like that forever.
Carn-sarnit.
I told that woman not
to mess with Widowmaker.
Now she'll have to
learn her lesson.
What do you got?
Four Kings.
That beats me.
Aw, shoot.
Ain't won a hand yet.
Well think about it.
Where you ever going to meet
another gal like Slew Foot Sue?
Oh, all right.
Somebody get me
seven miles of rope.
NARRATOR: By the time
Bill and the boys
had gathered enough rope,
Sue was bouncing eye to eye
with the man in the moon.
Howdy.
Ha ha!
Hold on, honey.
NARRATOR: It took a mighty heave
of that lariat for Pecos Bill
to lasso his bride.
But bill brought Sue back to
Earth before she had to set up
housekeeping in the Milky Way.
That does it.
It's the last time I'm
ever wearing a dress.
Well.
Then maybe next time
you'll believe me.
When I tell you to stay
off that horse, darlin,
it's for your own good.
Pipe down, Bill.
We got bigger troubles.
On my last trip up, I spotted
1,000 men on horseback
headed this way.
And they look mighty mean.
By God.
You're right.
And they're about a mile off.
And they're packing
extra gun powder.
Oh my good god, they
want to kill you!
What an honor!
The first posse, and
they're after me!
Oh Bill, Honey, what
are you going to do?
Well.
If it wasn't our honeymoon,
I'd stay and fight them.
But we got prior plans.
Widowmaker!
Come on, darling.
NARRATOR: It was the first time,
but certainly not the last,
that a man running from
the law would hightail
it across the Mexican border.
And just to make sure
that posse would follow,
Pecos Bill dug the Rio Grande.
Which still divides
Texas and Mexico today!
[HOWLING]
Ole!
Ole.
Ole.
Ole.
Bill.
Bill.
Bill!
Oh, I'm sorry, darling.
Gracias, Julio!
Honey!
You haven't even touched
your fried tarantulas yet!
Yeah well, uh, I guess
I'm not hungry, Bill.
Mm.
I miss Texas.
Carn-sarnit, darling.
we've been through this before.
I miss Texas more than anybody.
The smell of mesquite.
The music of a coyote choir.
The sight of sagebrush
blooming in the spring.
Below one of those
dewy eyed doggies.
Oh.
But darling, we can't go back.
That Governor Peasley,
he'd throw me in jail!
Or worse.
Well, maybe if I
talked to him, he'd
see that you weren't such a bad
guy, and he'd let us come back!
Oh darling, that's
real sweet of you.
But why would he listen to you?
On account of,
I'm his daughter.
Carn-sarnit!
[LAUGHS]
NARRATOR: Well things in Petunia
City were downright awful.
The town had lost its spirit.
Even the rain gave up.
I had such plans for Texas.
I really wanted to
make an imprint here.
I wanted people to remember
these as the Peasley years.
The golden age of Texas.
And they're going to
remember all right.
They're going to blame me as the
man who let Texas just dry up
and blow away.
But it's not my fault, Clarice.
You must believe me!
I am the victim of
vile circumstances!
-Dad.
-What, Rose?
Rose?
Rose!
Rose, you're back!
Oh, it's a sign, it must be.
Daddy, you look tired.
Well you know, a governor's
work is never done, honey.
I was just telling your
mother here all about that.
She was always such
a wonderful listener.
Daddy, I barely
recognize Petunia city.
There's hardly a soul around!
Well, It's quiet.
It's dead!
Well, dead is quiet.
Daddy.
I can only stay
on one condition.
That you can keep
your salamander.
Which is fine with me, as
long as it stays in a cage.
You gotta let Pecos
Bill come back.
Oh, that's impossible.
The man is an outlaw.
He's a renegade,
and he's a thief!
He is not!
He is too!
He cleaned a stagecoach out
of a matchbox and a nickel!
He did it for fun.
Bill is the spirit
of Texas, daddy!
Sure it may get a little
rough and rowdy sometimes,
but we got room for that here.
We got room for people to
grab life by the horns,
get down in the dirt
and wrestle with it!
-You are shouting, Rose!
-Why not?
This ain't Connecticut!
How can you defend a
man that kidnapped you?
He never kidnapped me.
He married me.
What?
We got hitched.
Oh, this would
kill your mother.
If she weren't already gone.
I love him very much, daddy.
And you would too, if you'd
only give him a chance!
He already had a chance,
and look what happened.
He ruined a perfectly
good restaurant.
Pecos Bill will never
be welcome in Texas.
The sorriest thing is
how everything is dying.
Cactus are drooping.
Cattle are moping.
Coyotes ain't even
howling anymore.
Sue.
This pains me deeply.
Here I am fretting about
my own hide, when the state
I love has been going to ruin.
I went by Bob's ranch.
They've gone back to
roping cows the old way.
Said it doesn't matter.
Ain't enough water for more
than a couple of cows, anyway.
That's it.
It's time to put a
stop to all this.
Well what are you going to do?
End the drought yourself?
Yup.
I'll drain the Gulf
of Mexico if need be.
I'll take-- Of
course, that might
rile up mi amigos down here.
Or!
I could reroute the Mississippi!
Right through the
middle of Petunia City!
Or.
I could find me a cyclone.
Ride her into Texas, and make
me a big beautiful rainstorm!
Oh Bill, darling,
you're such a dreamer.
NARRATOR: She had
forgotten that when
Bill set his mind to something,
there was no stopping him.
He traveled all over
the west, looking
for just the right twister.
And when he found her, a
blowing and a cussing up yonder,
he set about to rope and
ride her back to Texas.
Meanwhile, Petunia City
was well on its way
to becoming the world's
first ghost town.
Oh come on, folks.
Reconsider!
You're going to miss
the flower fair!
Reverend?
Won't you change
your mind and stay?
Nope.
I've accepted a position in an
area with a brighter future.
We're off to Death Valley.
Good riddance to bad rubbish.
Posy, please.
Maybe these people are right.
We may as well pack it up too.
SUE: No daddy, wait.
Rose?
Oof.
What is she riding?
-Waiter.
Will you see my catfish
gets some water quick?
Uh.
We ain't got any.
No problem.
It's going to rain soon anyhow.
Then can I keep this?
-Sure.
Souvenir of the day
Pecos Bill saved Texas.
What are you
talking about, Rose?
That!
PECOS BILL: Yee-hoo!
Yee-ha!
Wa-hoo!
Yee-ha!
Come on you old
blow hard, give up!
I ain't letting go
until you start raining!
[THUNDER BOOMS]
GOVERNOR PEASLEY: I
don't believe my eyes!
-Ya-hoo, That a boy, Bill!
-Rain!
Blessed rain, my
career is saved!
It's a miracle!
I know God works
in mysterious ways,
but this is a new one on me!
-Ya-hoo!
Did you hear that?
I just ya-hood, dangit!
Oh daddy.
And I'm starting
to talk funny, too!
This feels good!
Ya-hoo!
Daddy, please have
a little decorum!
Oh put a cork in it,
Pansy, I'm having fun!
Look!
A puddle!
This is the worst
day of my life!
NARRATOR: Sure as little
boys hate grandma's kisses,
Pecos Bill had brought
life back to Petunia City.
[SINGING HAPPILY]
NARRATOR: One by one,
the people returned.
Their grateful governor was
happier than a pig in mud.
He even lifted his ban
on wearing cowboy hats.
Hey everybody!
He's here!
It's Pecos Bill!
[CROWD CHEERS]
-Hip, hip!
-Hooray!
-Hip, hip!
Hooray!
Hip, hip!
Hooray!
Thank you kindly,
Thank you kindly.
Now put me down, boys!
I'm a mite saddle sore.
-Mr. Bill?
-Call me Pecos.
I appreciate that, Pecos.
I have to admit, I
was wrong about you.
I think when all of us here
were ready to give up on Texas,
you were the one that came in
and showed us how to-- right.
Grab life by the horns,
and get down in the dirt
and wrassle with it?
That's it!
I myself played
in a puddle today!
Wait to go, Governor!
What about this?
Is Bill still going
to be a wanted man?
You bet!
I want him taken to
the jail immediately!
[CROWD MOANS]
And sworn in, as
the new Sheriff.
Of this town, which I
hereby rename Pecos, Texas.
Yee-hoo!
Now hold on, that is
if you and Rose would
consider settling down here.
Well now, I'm sure this
Rose is a fine woman, sir.
But I'm already married!
To Slew Foot Sue.
Slew Foot Sue?
I'll explain later, daddy.
That's who that is!
She's the governor's daughter.
I knew I knew that face.
Didn't I say I knew I knew her?
What do you say, Pecos?
Be a great place
to raise our kids.
Well why not?
It's already got my name on it.
All right!
Move over, Beethoven.
(SINGING) She's the
sweetest little flower,
I ever, ever, knew.
Her eyes are bright as diamonds.
They sparkle like the dew.
NARRATOR: Soon
after, the Governor
got Bill to change
the name of the song
to, the Yellow Rose of Texas.
After Rose's given name.
And Texans still sing
it to this very day.
Now then.
We're going to have to legalize
spitting, social cussing,
and card playing.
Well.
Carn-sarnit, I've got me
a fresh deck right here.
Wa-hoo!
And shouting aloud,
except for Sunday morning.
No problem there.
All right.
Now then, sir.
We're going to have to
drive cattle down Main
Street from time to time.
Now you ain't a
thinking during church?
No.
All right then.
NARRATOR: Course, the new Texas
lifestyle wasn't for everybody.
But where will we go?
We'll take the midnight
stage to San Francisco,
and open that doily
shop we always wanted!
But Pansy, there's
earthquakes there!
Shut up!
NARRATOR: The celebrating
went on into the night.
The cowboys shot so
many bullets in the air,
they knocked out all of
the stars in the sky.
Except one.
And that's why they call
it the Lone Star state.
[LAUGHING]
So you see, Kevin.
Texas wouldn't be
what it is today,
if it wasn't for Pecos Bill.
But I still don't understand
why Texans exaggerate so much.
Well, it's really very simple.
You see, people admired
Pecos Bill so much,
that them that couldn't
do what he could,
they figured to make up
for it by talking big.
And it just kind of stuck.
Can I get you two
buckaroos some dessert?
Sure what you got?
Well we got deep
dish cherry pie.
So deep you'd need a shovel
to get the bottom of it!
And hot fudge sundae so
high you can skate on it.
And apple cobbler so fresh it
was baked right on the tree.
[LAUGHING]
[LAUGHING]
PECOS BILL: Wa-hoo!
[THEME MUSIC]