Superwog (2017–…): Season 2, Episode 1 - The P Plates - full transcript
[theme music playing]
[slurping]
Ah!
Okay, I'm ready. Let's go.
Dad? I want to drive.
Okay, tomorrow.
-No, you said that yesterday.
-What did I say?
You said, "Tomorrow,
I'll take you for a drive."
-Is today tomorrow or today?
-It's today!
Okay, tomorrow, I'll take you for a drive.
No, take me now!
-I cannot move the car, you idiot!
-Why not?
The neighbor will take the spot.
-So?
-Last time he left it there
for three weeks and blocked my view.
View of what? There's nothing
to look at. You have a driveway.
Just park there.
The spot in front of my house
is for me and nobody else!
So you're not using the car now?
You're gonna sit here, trapped.
No, I'm free to use
the car whenever I want.
I just have to wait
until he comes home first.
So when he comes home, can you take me?
-No!
-Why not?
Because today is Tuesday.
And he normally takes the car
to the gym at around 10:00.
Dad, snap out of it!
Take me for a drive.
The car will not move one centimeter.
I will have a shower.
Now go back to sleep, you idiot.
Ah!
[Dad yelling in pain]
[laughs]
Huh? Oh!
[sighs in relief]
[Dad screaming]
[laughs]
[chuckles]
Theo!
I just want to have a friendly chat.
[door closes]
[engine starts]
What's up?
I'm gonna get my Ps today. Get in the car.
Why can't your dad take you?
He never wants to move
the car out of his spot.
So I had to steal it.
Are you ready for the Ps test?
Not really, but I'll take my chances.
Have you practiced everything?
Yes, pretty much.
Except for the reverse park.
The reverse park is the Ps test.
What are you talking about?
-Shut up! Just get in the car!
-What do you need me for?
I'm on my Ls, so I need
a supervising driver.
You got all the documents ready?
Yeah, logbook's filled.
What about the license application form?
I'll fill one out when I get there.
You can't turn up unprepared
to the roads office.
That's like driving with no seatbelt.
One wrong move and you're dead.
They will break you.
They will break your will to drive!
Why the fuck do you think
I walk everywhere?
No! Fuck off!
Fuck off!
[car locks chirp]
Why you park in front of my house
when you already have free spot?
I want a clear view.
So do I. We come to agreement.
You park in front of your house,
I park in front of my house, this is fair.
No.
Why not, you scumbag?
Because, I can park anywhere I want, okay?
All of this here is council road, mate.
Council road.
Do not ever try to park here again.
You understand me?
-You don't own the street, mate.
-Try me.
Just try me!
You can't stand there forever.
Argh!
[grunting]
Ah!
Ah! [laughs]
[music plays on TV]
[baby crying]
What is it about the roads office that
attracts every weirdo within 5 kilometers?
-[machine beeps]
-[electronic voice] Ticket number five.
Oh, man, let's get a seat.
-Fuck!
-[grunting]
[grunts]
You fuckhead! Piss off!
Why you shaking your head for? Huh? Why?
Give me the logbook.
-[machine beeps]
-[electronic voice] Ticket number 34.
Hey, that's me!
How can I help you today?
Hi, I'd like to do my Ps test.
-Oh, you must be so excited.
-Yep.
Have you got your learner driver's
license and logbook?
Yep.
Logbook.
Form.
We can get you an appointment
in the next ten minutes.
-Really?
-Yeah.
Wow. Thank you so much.
You're Filo, eh? That accent.
-I love that accent.
-Wow.
How did you guess? Have you been?
Nah, but I've spent hours
on the phone to Telstra technical support.
I mean, I'd love to go to the Philippines.
They must have nice buildings.
Not for call centers… There.
Are there are call center tours
that I can go on?
That came out wrong!
[inaudible]
[gruffly] What do you want?
That kind lady was just
getting me a Ps appointment.
-Nah. Fill it out again.
-Why?
You can't use pencil to fill out a form.
Use a pen.
But she already got me an appointment!
I don't care, fill it out again!
Can I fill it out here
so I don't lose my place?
-No.
-Can I… Can I get a pen?
Pen bay over there.
[shouts] Next!
Fuck!
Woman! Where are you?
I'm in the backyard! Why you screaming?
Get me sunscreen! 50-plus!
-What?
-Sunscreen! 50-plus!
Get it yourself.
I told you, no screaming across the house.
[groaning]
Sunscreen…
[man 1] Don't be too fussy,
just chuck it in.
-[man 2] Yeah.
-Chuck it in.
Hey, hey!
Stop, you idiot!
What the fuck do you think you're doing?
Where are my belongings?
-Didn't you call us?
-No!
So, this is your stuff?
Yes, it is fucking my stuff.
Okay. This is for you.
What is this?
It's a fine for illegal dumping.
$1,000? Who the fuck are you?
We're from the council.
But these are my belongings.
-Yes, but you dumped them illegally.
-But that is my house.
Yes, but this is council road.
Did he call you?
Hey, look, I can't reveal that. Okay?
But you can pick up your stuff
from the council dump, all right?
Do you guys need any more help or…
-No, we're all good, thanks, mate.
-Lovely.
[both grunting]
Hey, hey! I will kill you!
All on camera, mate. All on camera.
You will not get the spot.
You will not get the spot!
[snores]
[baby crying]
Hey, man, step back.
You're fucking too close to me, you freak!
I can feel your breath on my neck.
Oh, my God!
Hey, hurry up, mate.
My pen isn't working, you fuckwit!
Whoa. What the hell are you doing?
-I'm next.
-No, you're not!
[all] Yeah, yeah, he's next, mate.
But my pen isn't working.
You chose to go to that bay.
You could have gone to any of them.
-But it's not working?
-Bad luck.
[all] Yeah, try again, mate. Try again.
Man, fuck you all!
I don't have to listen
to you, you peasants.
Let go!
Why are you siding with him? Huh? Why?
[all] Because you've got no respect!
[men grunting]
[man 1] Get to the back of the line.
Okay. Don't fucking touch me!
[all] Get to the back of the line!
[man 2] Back of the line!
Congratulations. You got full marks.
Hey, brah, how was it?
Did he make you do a reverse park?
-Yeah, of course he did.
-And, how did it go?
I got a high distinction.
I'm in the top 1% in the state.
What? How'd you do it? I need advice.
I used Euclidean geometry to calculate
a perfect parabolic vector.
Once the car and the gutter
are equidistant to the base
of the gutter, I used the--
Shut up! This isn't fucking helping!
Look, just make sure you get this guy.
He's handing out P-plates like popcorn.
I fucking hit the car
and he still passed me.
[baby crying]
Are you almost finished yet?
No! Stay there!
[groans]
[phone ringing]
Don't get it! Don't get it!
But what if it's my baby?
What if he's in danger?
I'm not finished yet! Stay there!
-Stay there! Do not move!
-[ringing continues]
No. I have to.
[tires screech]
No, no!
[car locks chirp]
Move the car! Move it!
No.
But how long will you be?
Hmm, um, not sure.
I'll see how I go.
Don't worry, honey,
it was just a marketing call.
Oh, no! Somebody parked there.
Do you still need me to stand?
[growls]
Theo, your examiner is ready!
It's okay, baby. Wake up. Wake up.
Theo, your examiner is ready!
Aw, you had a big sleep there, didn't you?
What the fuck? Don't touch me.
Am I getting the easy bloke, huh?
Follow me, please.
-Yes!
-Hello.
-Please take me to your car.
-Okay.
Excuse me?
Didn't you finish three minutes ago?
Yes, but I was running behind
and wanted to do this last test.
It's okay. I'll take this one. You can go.
-No. It's fine.
-Yeah, it's honestly fine.
Knock off!
Take me to your car, mate.
Please, please, please, please.
[seatbelt clicks]
Okay.
[engine starts]
How are you?
-Good.
-That's good.
Okay.
Now I check behind me before I drive.
I'm not responding to you.
Just do the test.
Okay. How are you anyway? You good?
You've already asked me that, imbecile.
I'm not having any discussion with you!
Okay.
[engine stalls]
[engine starts]
[Charlene clears throat]
Can you ignore that one?
[shouting] Can you just put it in reverse
and get the hell out of here?
I'm doing good, yeah?
I'm not saying anything.
Now, do a reverse park.
-Reverse park?
-Yes.
Shouldn't we do, like,
a lane change or something?
-You know, warm up?
-Reverse park!
Okay, fine. Which type?
What do you mean, which type?
There is only one type.
No, I know, it's driving humor.
Don't you know humor?
Shouldn't you know that?
-Here?
-Yes, here.
No, no, no, no. Reverse park.
Reverse park!
Back there!
[softly] Please, please…
Check it out.
He's going for a reverse park.
-Yeah, that wasn't too bad.
-[all agreeing]
-Yes, yes! Oh, my God! Yes!
-Keep going.
-What do you want us to do?
-Move it!
What for?
Because he has free spot
in front of his house,
but parks in front of my house.
Park in front of his house, then.
No. I want my car to be
in front of my house.
Look! He put his finger up at me!
I know it's very frustrating,
but unfortunately, we can't do
anything unless the car
is illegally parked.
Really?
Only then can we do something about it.
Like what?
We'll tow it away.
[whistles]
[grunting]
I am a collector.
[grunts]
Hello, police?
Congratulations, mate.
You failed.
What? But you were ticking.
I saw you ticking.
I know I was.
But you still failed.
But that reverse park
was fucking flawless.
Can you at least tell me why?
You used your horn illegally.
That's an automatic fail.
-When?
-Darling Street.
Better luck next time, champ.
[cackles]
I beeped because he deserved it.
You used your horn illegally.
Why did he do it, though?
A Yaris legally changed
into his lane, then he beeped.
Yeah, because I let him in and he didn't
give me the thank-you wave.
Oh, that's bullshit!
Not even a quick hand gesture?
-Nothing!
-It doesn't matter.
A thank-you wave isn't a real road rule.
What the fuck?
Not real?
Are you joking me?
When someone lets you in,
goes out of their way,
out of their daily life,
to slow themselves down,
just to let in another car,
then they deserve a thank-you wave.
Am I right?
Huh? Okay. Let me ask these guys.
If you let someone in,
and they don't give you
the thank-you wave, what would you do?
I'd beep him!
I'd beep him, and then I'd cut him off!
I'd fucking bash the cunt!
[all agreeing angrily]
-Drop him!
-[man] Stomp on the cunt!
Now, it might not be legal and it might
not be in your little book of rules,
Charlene, but I sure as hell know
it's in my right as an Aussie
to expect a fucking thank-you wave.
-Licence. Give him a license!
-[all angrily agreeing]
I'm gonna have to agree
with him, Charlene.
Give the man his license!
[all cheering]
[mouthing]
[camera clicks]
[dance music playing on stereo]
Hey, brah. Wanna race?
How many kilowatts you got off the wheel?
I'll race you for the stop sign.
[engine revs]
[engine sputters]
[engine stalls]
[engine starts]
So, I got my Ps and we can do
whatever we want.
Yeah.
We can go anywhere now.
Anywhere, and do whatever
we want, when we want.
So, what are we gonna do?
-Let's just go to Macca's.
-Yeah.
We can do laps around the car park
in front of everyone for no reason.
-Yeah, good idea.
-I'll pick you up later tonight.
Dad! I got my Ps!
-Dad?
-Where did you park it? Outside?
Yeah, I parked it in the spot.
Where is everything?
Hey! No, no, no. What are you doing?
I'm writing up a fine, mate.
What does it look like?
You're in a no standing zone.
You do not understand.
This sign is not real.
Really? Looks real to me.
But it wasn't here before.
Your neighbor was kind enough
to report the sign as damaged.
So the council has
permanently reinstated it.
No! [grunting]
No! [grunting]
[theme music playing]
Why you shaking it for?
Why are you shaking it? Stop it.
-You're ma--
-[laughing]
-It's okay. Go.
-He said he doesn't want to.
-It's all right.
-Clock off!
[laughs]
I'll fucking go all of youse, you dogs!
Especially you, you gronk!
-Get back.
-[laughter]
[Charlene] Clock off!
[laughs]
[Charlene] Next!
[laughs]
[laughter]
Hey, mate, you gonna pay for that?
I have a right to try
before I buy, you idiot!
Theo? It's me, Lilly!
You want to take one of the biggest
supermarkets in the country to court?
To the High Court!
Would you guys care
for a complimentary Chiko Roll?
Yeah, okay!
[mouth full] Man,
it's like a huge spring roll!
-[farts]
-[groans]
It was the worst apple
I have ever had in my life!
Hello, Grandma.
[shrieking] Let go of me!
[slurping]
Ah!
Okay, I'm ready. Let's go.
Dad? I want to drive.
Okay, tomorrow.
-No, you said that yesterday.
-What did I say?
You said, "Tomorrow,
I'll take you for a drive."
-Is today tomorrow or today?
-It's today!
Okay, tomorrow, I'll take you for a drive.
No, take me now!
-I cannot move the car, you idiot!
-Why not?
The neighbor will take the spot.
-So?
-Last time he left it there
for three weeks and blocked my view.
View of what? There's nothing
to look at. You have a driveway.
Just park there.
The spot in front of my house
is for me and nobody else!
So you're not using the car now?
You're gonna sit here, trapped.
No, I'm free to use
the car whenever I want.
I just have to wait
until he comes home first.
So when he comes home, can you take me?
-No!
-Why not?
Because today is Tuesday.
And he normally takes the car
to the gym at around 10:00.
Dad, snap out of it!
Take me for a drive.
The car will not move one centimeter.
I will have a shower.
Now go back to sleep, you idiot.
Ah!
[Dad yelling in pain]
[laughs]
Huh? Oh!
[sighs in relief]
[Dad screaming]
[laughs]
[chuckles]
Theo!
I just want to have a friendly chat.
[door closes]
[engine starts]
What's up?
I'm gonna get my Ps today. Get in the car.
Why can't your dad take you?
He never wants to move
the car out of his spot.
So I had to steal it.
Are you ready for the Ps test?
Not really, but I'll take my chances.
Have you practiced everything?
Yes, pretty much.
Except for the reverse park.
The reverse park is the Ps test.
What are you talking about?
-Shut up! Just get in the car!
-What do you need me for?
I'm on my Ls, so I need
a supervising driver.
You got all the documents ready?
Yeah, logbook's filled.
What about the license application form?
I'll fill one out when I get there.
You can't turn up unprepared
to the roads office.
That's like driving with no seatbelt.
One wrong move and you're dead.
They will break you.
They will break your will to drive!
Why the fuck do you think
I walk everywhere?
No! Fuck off!
Fuck off!
[car locks chirp]
Why you park in front of my house
when you already have free spot?
I want a clear view.
So do I. We come to agreement.
You park in front of your house,
I park in front of my house, this is fair.
No.
Why not, you scumbag?
Because, I can park anywhere I want, okay?
All of this here is council road, mate.
Council road.
Do not ever try to park here again.
You understand me?
-You don't own the street, mate.
-Try me.
Just try me!
You can't stand there forever.
Argh!
[grunting]
Ah!
Ah! [laughs]
[music plays on TV]
[baby crying]
What is it about the roads office that
attracts every weirdo within 5 kilometers?
-[machine beeps]
-[electronic voice] Ticket number five.
Oh, man, let's get a seat.
-Fuck!
-[grunting]
[grunts]
You fuckhead! Piss off!
Why you shaking your head for? Huh? Why?
Give me the logbook.
-[machine beeps]
-[electronic voice] Ticket number 34.
Hey, that's me!
How can I help you today?
Hi, I'd like to do my Ps test.
-Oh, you must be so excited.
-Yep.
Have you got your learner driver's
license and logbook?
Yep.
Logbook.
Form.
We can get you an appointment
in the next ten minutes.
-Really?
-Yeah.
Wow. Thank you so much.
You're Filo, eh? That accent.
-I love that accent.
-Wow.
How did you guess? Have you been?
Nah, but I've spent hours
on the phone to Telstra technical support.
I mean, I'd love to go to the Philippines.
They must have nice buildings.
Not for call centers… There.
Are there are call center tours
that I can go on?
That came out wrong!
[inaudible]
[gruffly] What do you want?
That kind lady was just
getting me a Ps appointment.
-Nah. Fill it out again.
-Why?
You can't use pencil to fill out a form.
Use a pen.
But she already got me an appointment!
I don't care, fill it out again!
Can I fill it out here
so I don't lose my place?
-No.
-Can I… Can I get a pen?
Pen bay over there.
[shouts] Next!
Fuck!
Woman! Where are you?
I'm in the backyard! Why you screaming?
Get me sunscreen! 50-plus!
-What?
-Sunscreen! 50-plus!
Get it yourself.
I told you, no screaming across the house.
[groaning]
Sunscreen…
[man 1] Don't be too fussy,
just chuck it in.
-[man 2] Yeah.
-Chuck it in.
Hey, hey!
Stop, you idiot!
What the fuck do you think you're doing?
Where are my belongings?
-Didn't you call us?
-No!
So, this is your stuff?
Yes, it is fucking my stuff.
Okay. This is for you.
What is this?
It's a fine for illegal dumping.
$1,000? Who the fuck are you?
We're from the council.
But these are my belongings.
-Yes, but you dumped them illegally.
-But that is my house.
Yes, but this is council road.
Did he call you?
Hey, look, I can't reveal that. Okay?
But you can pick up your stuff
from the council dump, all right?
Do you guys need any more help or…
-No, we're all good, thanks, mate.
-Lovely.
[both grunting]
Hey, hey! I will kill you!
All on camera, mate. All on camera.
You will not get the spot.
You will not get the spot!
[snores]
[baby crying]
Hey, man, step back.
You're fucking too close to me, you freak!
I can feel your breath on my neck.
Oh, my God!
Hey, hurry up, mate.
My pen isn't working, you fuckwit!
Whoa. What the hell are you doing?
-I'm next.
-No, you're not!
[all] Yeah, yeah, he's next, mate.
But my pen isn't working.
You chose to go to that bay.
You could have gone to any of them.
-But it's not working?
-Bad luck.
[all] Yeah, try again, mate. Try again.
Man, fuck you all!
I don't have to listen
to you, you peasants.
Let go!
Why are you siding with him? Huh? Why?
[all] Because you've got no respect!
[men grunting]
[man 1] Get to the back of the line.
Okay. Don't fucking touch me!
[all] Get to the back of the line!
[man 2] Back of the line!
Congratulations. You got full marks.
Hey, brah, how was it?
Did he make you do a reverse park?
-Yeah, of course he did.
-And, how did it go?
I got a high distinction.
I'm in the top 1% in the state.
What? How'd you do it? I need advice.
I used Euclidean geometry to calculate
a perfect parabolic vector.
Once the car and the gutter
are equidistant to the base
of the gutter, I used the--
Shut up! This isn't fucking helping!
Look, just make sure you get this guy.
He's handing out P-plates like popcorn.
I fucking hit the car
and he still passed me.
[baby crying]
Are you almost finished yet?
No! Stay there!
[groans]
[phone ringing]
Don't get it! Don't get it!
But what if it's my baby?
What if he's in danger?
I'm not finished yet! Stay there!
-Stay there! Do not move!
-[ringing continues]
No. I have to.
[tires screech]
No, no!
[car locks chirp]
Move the car! Move it!
No.
But how long will you be?
Hmm, um, not sure.
I'll see how I go.
Don't worry, honey,
it was just a marketing call.
Oh, no! Somebody parked there.
Do you still need me to stand?
[growls]
Theo, your examiner is ready!
It's okay, baby. Wake up. Wake up.
Theo, your examiner is ready!
Aw, you had a big sleep there, didn't you?
What the fuck? Don't touch me.
Am I getting the easy bloke, huh?
Follow me, please.
-Yes!
-Hello.
-Please take me to your car.
-Okay.
Excuse me?
Didn't you finish three minutes ago?
Yes, but I was running behind
and wanted to do this last test.
It's okay. I'll take this one. You can go.
-No. It's fine.
-Yeah, it's honestly fine.
Knock off!
Take me to your car, mate.
Please, please, please, please.
[seatbelt clicks]
Okay.
[engine starts]
How are you?
-Good.
-That's good.
Okay.
Now I check behind me before I drive.
I'm not responding to you.
Just do the test.
Okay. How are you anyway? You good?
You've already asked me that, imbecile.
I'm not having any discussion with you!
Okay.
[engine stalls]
[engine starts]
[Charlene clears throat]
Can you ignore that one?
[shouting] Can you just put it in reverse
and get the hell out of here?
I'm doing good, yeah?
I'm not saying anything.
Now, do a reverse park.
-Reverse park?
-Yes.
Shouldn't we do, like,
a lane change or something?
-You know, warm up?
-Reverse park!
Okay, fine. Which type?
What do you mean, which type?
There is only one type.
No, I know, it's driving humor.
Don't you know humor?
Shouldn't you know that?
-Here?
-Yes, here.
No, no, no, no. Reverse park.
Reverse park!
Back there!
[softly] Please, please…
Check it out.
He's going for a reverse park.
-Yeah, that wasn't too bad.
-[all agreeing]
-Yes, yes! Oh, my God! Yes!
-Keep going.
-What do you want us to do?
-Move it!
What for?
Because he has free spot
in front of his house,
but parks in front of my house.
Park in front of his house, then.
No. I want my car to be
in front of my house.
Look! He put his finger up at me!
I know it's very frustrating,
but unfortunately, we can't do
anything unless the car
is illegally parked.
Really?
Only then can we do something about it.
Like what?
We'll tow it away.
[whistles]
[grunting]
I am a collector.
[grunts]
Hello, police?
Congratulations, mate.
You failed.
What? But you were ticking.
I saw you ticking.
I know I was.
But you still failed.
But that reverse park
was fucking flawless.
Can you at least tell me why?
You used your horn illegally.
That's an automatic fail.
-When?
-Darling Street.
Better luck next time, champ.
[cackles]
I beeped because he deserved it.
You used your horn illegally.
Why did he do it, though?
A Yaris legally changed
into his lane, then he beeped.
Yeah, because I let him in and he didn't
give me the thank-you wave.
Oh, that's bullshit!
Not even a quick hand gesture?
-Nothing!
-It doesn't matter.
A thank-you wave isn't a real road rule.
What the fuck?
Not real?
Are you joking me?
When someone lets you in,
goes out of their way,
out of their daily life,
to slow themselves down,
just to let in another car,
then they deserve a thank-you wave.
Am I right?
Huh? Okay. Let me ask these guys.
If you let someone in,
and they don't give you
the thank-you wave, what would you do?
I'd beep him!
I'd beep him, and then I'd cut him off!
I'd fucking bash the cunt!
[all agreeing angrily]
-Drop him!
-[man] Stomp on the cunt!
Now, it might not be legal and it might
not be in your little book of rules,
Charlene, but I sure as hell know
it's in my right as an Aussie
to expect a fucking thank-you wave.
-Licence. Give him a license!
-[all angrily agreeing]
I'm gonna have to agree
with him, Charlene.
Give the man his license!
[all cheering]
[mouthing]
[camera clicks]
[dance music playing on stereo]
Hey, brah. Wanna race?
How many kilowatts you got off the wheel?
I'll race you for the stop sign.
[engine revs]
[engine sputters]
[engine stalls]
[engine starts]
So, I got my Ps and we can do
whatever we want.
Yeah.
We can go anywhere now.
Anywhere, and do whatever
we want, when we want.
So, what are we gonna do?
-Let's just go to Macca's.
-Yeah.
We can do laps around the car park
in front of everyone for no reason.
-Yeah, good idea.
-I'll pick you up later tonight.
Dad! I got my Ps!
-Dad?
-Where did you park it? Outside?
Yeah, I parked it in the spot.
Where is everything?
Hey! No, no, no. What are you doing?
I'm writing up a fine, mate.
What does it look like?
You're in a no standing zone.
You do not understand.
This sign is not real.
Really? Looks real to me.
But it wasn't here before.
Your neighbor was kind enough
to report the sign as damaged.
So the council has
permanently reinstated it.
No! [grunting]
No! [grunting]
[theme music playing]
Why you shaking it for?
Why are you shaking it? Stop it.
-You're ma--
-[laughing]
-It's okay. Go.
-He said he doesn't want to.
-It's all right.
-Clock off!
[laughs]
I'll fucking go all of youse, you dogs!
Especially you, you gronk!
-Get back.
-[laughter]
[Charlene] Clock off!
[laughs]
[Charlene] Next!
[laughs]
[laughter]
Hey, mate, you gonna pay for that?
I have a right to try
before I buy, you idiot!
Theo? It's me, Lilly!
You want to take one of the biggest
supermarkets in the country to court?
To the High Court!
Would you guys care
for a complimentary Chiko Roll?
Yeah, okay!
[mouth full] Man,
it's like a huge spring roll!
-[farts]
-[groans]
It was the worst apple
I have ever had in my life!
Hello, Grandma.
[shrieking] Let go of me!