Superwog (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Breaking Dad - full transcript

(ALL LAUGH)

Oh, my God.

(LAUGH)

(LAUGHS)

(ALARM BLARES)

Get up.

Good boy.

Why did you lock the door?

Open it.

(COUGHS) I'm sick.

No, you're not. You will be late, boy.



- I can't go today.
- Why not?

It's swimming carnival
day. There's no point.

Boy, I don't pay for you
to sleep in your room.

Shut up.

Open the doors.

Open the doors, Theodore.

No, get lost.

(BANGS) Open the door!

Listen, there's no way I'm
going to school today.

I'm sick. So, shut your mouth
or walk away, alright?

Open it.

(SCREAMS)

(SHOUTS) Stop! Stop!

What the fuck? Again? Again, Dad?



Please, Dad, I'm begging
you, don't make me go today.

- I'll do anything.
- You will go to school today.

- You will get me a new door.
- What? But you broke it.

You're the one who bashed it, not me.

- Yes, but you locked it on me.
- So?

You can't just walk through a door, Dad.

Yes, I can.

I can walk through 1,000
doors if I want to.

No, you can't.

I am your father. You have
to listen to what I say.

- No, I don't.
- I am your father.

I created you with my penis

and I can destroy you with my penis.

(SHOUTS) I will destroy
you with my penis!

OK, Dad. OK.

Theo, are you OK?

Is there something you need to tell me?

Oh, Lord.

What happened to you?

Did someone do this to you?

Right. Come with me.

My name is Jane. I'm from the
Department of Community Services.

So, your father, he walked through
a door so that he could beat you.

- Yes.
- For no reason?

No reason. He's an animal. He
will walk through anything.

He's basically a human bobcat.

So, how long's this been going on?

Months upon months.

I'm just lucky he didn't use the
cricket bat on me this time.

- He hits you with a cricket bat?
- Yeah. And he's not mucking around.

He's hitting sixes with my head.

OK. We're going to need you
to tell us everything.

I'll talk, but I want protection.

I don't know what that
man is capable of.

OK, for us to do that, we need to know,

did he threaten you?

Yes.

And what did he say he
was going to do to you?

He said if I don't get
him a replacement door

he's going to destroy me with his penis.

(GRUNTS)

What were you thinking?
Do you even think?

- You're a donkey.
- You ignorant woman.

If you had even half the
mentality of a donkey,

then maybe I would consider
responding to you.

We don't have any more doors,
you can't keep destroying them.

I don not pay for him to
sleep in his room all day.

You know why he's like that?
Because you are violent.

He is like that

because he takes after your
idiotic, psychotic family.

You idiot. You idiot.

- Yes.
- Is this 7 Mona Rd?

I wasn't there. I have alibi.
Ask her. Ask my uncle.

I thought they were display nuts.

Display nuts?

We're here for the father of Theo.

Yes, that's him right there.

Get him. Arrest him now.

Mate, you're going to
have to come with us.

Me? What did I do?

Mate, we're here on a
possible abuse charge.

- Abuse?
- Yes. You're under arrest.

Now please don't make this a scene.

Who reported me?

It was the boy, wasn't it?

OK. Fair enough.

(SCREAMS)

Get him! Beat him!

(SCREAMS)

- Get him. Beat him.
- Get off me!

Beat him. (SCREAMS)

This is your new foster family.

You'll be staying with them while
we continue our investigation.

Go on.

Welcome to the family, mate.

Thanks. I'm Superwog, bro.

Oh, we were told your name was Theo.

Nah, Superwog's my real name, bro.

Oh, well, I think Superwog
is a lovely name.

Jack, go on, introduce yourself.

- Hi, I'm Jack.
- Nice to meet you, mate.

Fuck! Youse all stand so stiff.

Loosen up. Youse look like a
bunch of Home And Away cunts.

Were you on that show?

No... No, I wasn't.

Come on... Come on inside.

Are you ready to come inside now?

What are you staring at, bro?

You want some of this?

Huh?! Get back inside, granny.

- Come on, mate, let's get you inside.
- (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

How long will you keep
my baby away from us?

It depends on the result
of this investigation.

If we find that he's at
risk of danger at home,

then it could be anywhere
between six to 12 months.

OK. Can we extend it to five years?

No, don't listen to him.

Before we start, do you think
it is possible to abort my son?

I wasn't sure before, but now I am.

No.

Putting holes through
walls with your fists

sets a very bad example for him.

I do not put my fists through the wall,

I put his head through it.

No, he doesn't. He is lying.

Yes, I do. I put his head through
10 millimetre of Gyprock.

Why would you do that?

Because five millimetre
Gyprock too thin.

10 millimetre, the boy learn his lesson.

My son is not normal.

The foster family do not know
what they are dealing with.

- Take him. Take him.
- Stop it.

That is completely unacceptable.

Why?

This is no worse than what my
own father used to do to me.

And what did he used to do to you?

He put my head in a concrete mixer.

Look at me. (SHOUTS) Look
how good I turned out.

I didn't breastfeed my
baby. Is that a problem?

I tested her breast
milk and it was poison.

I did not let her breastfeed my son.

Wow. This door, oh, my God.

I've never seen such
a strong front door.

- Is that aircon?
- Yep, sure is.

Whoa! You have everything.

Here. Have some.

Whoa! No way. Is that fairy bread?

It is.

I've heard about fairy bread all my life

and now I finally get to try some.

- Oh!
- What's wrong?

I was just getting you a tissue, mate.

Why did you do that?

'Cause in my family my dad bashes
anyone who grabs food before him.

I see you are admiring the Statesman.

Yeah! Is that the one with a 5.7 litre?

Yeah! Only 20,000 clicks on it.

She's my pride and joy.

That is, after my wife.

Hur-hur.

Reminds me, there are only
two rules in this house.

No swearing and no entry
into my man shed.

Man shed? What's that?

It's my special area.

Yeah, that's fine, but you don't go
anywhere near my man shed either,

you got it?

It's OK. Here, have
some more fairy bread.

It's OK, go on.

What is happening? Why are
you doing this to me?

This is a polygraph test.

I'm just trying to verify some of
the statements you made earlier.

This is just procedure, you've
got nothing to worry about.

Does it test him for diseases?

You not need to test
me, I will tell you.

I have haemorrhoids in my ass.

No, no! It's not a medical test. OK?

We're going to start with
some simple questions.

All you need to do is answer.

Do you live in Sydney?

Uh...

Do...

..I live... in Sydney?

This is not a trick question.
It's very straightforward.

You live in Sydney, is that correct?

Ah, OK.

I live in Sydney.

No. I'm not telling you.

You say yes if it's true.

OK. Yes, if it's true.

Just say yes.

- Yes.
- (BEEP!)

Great. Do you own a car?

Yes, if it's true.

Please let your husband answer.

Do you only have one son?

Yes, I do.

Stop answering for him, please.

Otherwise, I'm going to have
to ask you to leave the room.

- Do you understand?
- Yes, I do.

- (BUZZ!)
- (SIGHS) Dear Lord.

- That's much better, isn't it?
- These are mine?

Yes, and you can wear
them to bed tonight.

Wow. I thought PJs were
only for the movies.

These are mad. I am finally
part of a normal Aussie family.

I never knew they even existed.

Look at me. I'm going to
have a nap in my Aussie PJs.

Don't your parents wear PJs?

No, man. My dad just wraps
himself in a bedsheet.

We got you something else.

Go on.

We've been waiting for a
new son to give these to.

No, I'm good, thank you.

They've got the family
crest on the back too.

I hope you like pools because
we're a family of swimmers.

- Put them on.
- No.

- Go on, this is good for you.
- No.

I don't like pools and
I don't like Speedos.

Why not, mate? These are great.

We thought maybe we could all
wear our matching Speedos

and do laps in the pool this afternoon.

What the fuck?

I'm not wearing that
shit. You got it, bro?

Not the cricket bat!

Only the back, not the head.

- Mate, I'm not going to hit you.
- Not the head!

I thought maybe we could play
cricket instead of swimming.

Listen.

We heard about what you went through
and I just want you to know

that you are completely safe here.

No-one will abuse you.

You have nothing to worry about.

And you can certainly bet
that no-one will beat you

with a cricket bat.

Yeah... OK.

You're in a safe space now.

Mummy and Daddy are
here to keep you safe.

Yeah, yeah. Mummy.

And you can talk to us
about anything you want.

Are there any problems
you want to talk about?

Yeah, yeah. Does Mummy have
milk? I wasn't breastfed.

Sorry?

Nothing.

No-one, and I mean
no-one, will touch you.

You can touch me. Can I touch you?

You, you don't touch me.

But you, fuck, do
whatever you want to me.

I won't complain to
no-one, I swear to God.

- Mate, that is way out of line.
- What?

That is a really rude and
inappropriate thing to say.

I wasn't breastfed. She said
I could talk about anything.

- You watch your mouth, son.
- Darling!

Watch my mouth? How do I do that?

- Like this?
- (LAUGHS)

Like that?

(LAUGHS)

Do you think your son is idiotic?

Not at all. I think he
is very intelligent.

(BUZZ!)

Do you love your son?

(SHOUTS) Yes, I love my son very much.

(BUZZ!)

- I like my son.
- (BUZZ!)

- I think my son is OK.
- (BUZZ!)

- For an idiot.
- (BEEP!)

Will you put your son's
head through a wall again?

- No, I will not.
- (BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ!)

Why is it beeping? Are
you calling me a liar?

No-one is calling you anything.

(SCREAMS)

Stupid, fucking beep machine.

Where is the boy? Where is the boy?

He's not normally like this.
They have a great relationship.

Get me the boy.

Get me the boy. I will kill him.

I think he's just in a
bad mood, honestly.

His haemorrhoids are very uncomfortable.

- Am I a cricket player?
- Yes.

- Am I Shane Warne?
- Yes.

(CHEERS)

Am I Paris Hilton?

No.

Do I have blonde hair?

No.

- Uh...
- Oh, my God.

Here's a clue, she sucked
off that black guy,

what's-his-name, in that sex tape.

What?

What did I say to you
about swearing, mate?

What, 'sucked off' isn't
a swear word, you gronk.

I am just telling you
what happened, bro.

Oh, no. It's OK, honey. It's OK.

Maybe we should do something else.

We don't watch sex tapes in this house,

but we do listen to music.

Yes, go on. Why don't you
put something on you like?

- (SLOW R&B SONG PLAYS)
- WOMAN: ♪ My baby left me... ♪

Ooh, yeah.

- ♪ Left me sad and blue... ♪
- Nice.

Oh, is this Aretha Franklin?

- ♪ I didn't know what to do... ♪
- Nuh.

♪ Without my baby, baby, baby... ♪

- Like it?
- Mm.

Oh, yeah, I do.

♪ And then I met his best friend... ♪

I bet you didn't know I used to
listen to R&B, hey, darling?

Well, actually, I used to listen to
a bit of R&B back in the heyday.

Your parents are whackjobs, bro.

♪ I said... ♪

Yeah, turn it up.

♪ Yeah, I said... ♪

Yeah, let me tell you what I said.

♪ Put it in my mouth ♪

RAPPER: She said put it in her mouth

- Oh!
- ♪ I said my motherfucking mouth... ♪

Switch it off.

- ♪ Put it in my mouth... ♪
- Switch that music off!

Jack, put your arm...

Switch it off!

- ♪ Put it in my mouth... ♪
- Darling, are you OK?

Breathe, breathe!

What? What? You don't like it? It's
just a fucking song, bro. Relax.

Right! That's it.

Time out! Time out for the both of you!

What is this test?

Since your husband said

that he would destroy
your son with his penis,

which is an extremely hostile statement,

we need to see if that reflects
in his behaviour towards him.

Believe me, his penis couldn't
destroy anything, not even a fly.

Can I leave now?

No.

Who is this? He is annoying me.

I would like you to pretend
to have a conversation

with your son about his homework.

OK, now?

Yes.

I love you.

And I respect you.

Good.

And you are a good boy because
you do your homework.

What did you say?

But I told you twice already.
Don't talk to me like that!

What did you call me? You fucking idiot.

He just needs food, honestly.

Food and sex, that's all he needs.

POLICEMAN: Hey, settle down.
Alright? Settle down.

(LOUD BANG)

Do you have any other dolls?

I really think you should
give him a different one.

So, when you do something
wrong, you do chores?

Yeah, my dad's motto is,

break the family laws and
you'll do the chores.

What a sad cunt.

Chores like what? Cleaning the bathroom?

It can be anything, bro.

- OK, bro.
- (ENGINE REVS)

Oh, he's starting it up.

You know, he's never even
taken me for a ride in it.

What? Are you serious?

Yeah, he doesn't even let me sit in it.

He only drives it by himself.

- What the f...?
- You two, stop talking.

I'm expecting you to finish
this in half an hour.

Yeah, and I'm expecting
you to put on some pants.

Now, once I'm done inside,

you're both coming with me
to do laps in the pool.

- No.
- Don't you argue with me.

We are all going swimming.

Breathe. You're doing well.

We've got to take that
bastard back to DOCS.

OK, OK, just calm down.

Just calm down.

(ENGINE REVS)

(SCREAMS) Jack!

What the hell are you doing?

(REVS ENGINE)

- Yeah, you fucking dogs.
- Yeah, brah.

- The car is ruined.
- Don't worry.

I'm sure he'll only take it
for a drive around the park.

(REVS ENGINE)

(SCREAMS)

Did I pass?

No. You failed.

In fact, your score was
so low that it places you

as the most insanely violent
person we've ever investigated.

Can I redo the test?

- No.
- I want my son. I want to see my son.

Unfortunately, for now,
your son will be staying

with a foster family.

How can I get my son back home?

The only way is if your husband
agrees to leave the family home

and live somewhere else.

Oh, no, we can't do...

I will leave straightaway.

It's OK, you don't have to.

No, I want to.

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

(ENGINE PUTTERS)

Like, I reckon with a bit of work,

this thing will smash it at Summernats.

Oh, are we playing cricket again?

You fucking bastard.
Jack, Jack, come here.

Come here now!

- He doesn't want to.
- You wait till I fucking get to you.

But I had a fucking good time, brah.

- (GASPS)
- Jack.

Come here now or you will regret it.

- On my lap.
- What the fuck?

Don't touch him.

Don't touch him, you fucking
Speedo-wearing freak.

- Right, that's it!
- Greg, no!

Get back.

I should have done this moment he
started talking about your tits.

Go at me, bro. Go at me! Throw
the first punch, you dog.

How do you like that, you dog?

Now, if you need sex, I
will arrange to come over.

OK, who will you bring?

- What?
- Nothing. Call me.

I will. Oh, I almost forgot.

Thank you.

Mum. Dad.

- Oh, my God.
- Dad, over here.

It is responding to me again.

No, honey, look.

I'm sorry.

No, I am sorry.

You are my son.

You're my dad.

I promise I'm going to listen to you

and I'll never make you
run through a door again.

It is OK. Forget it.

I will let you stay home
every swimming day.

- Really?
- Yes.

- You're the best.
- Baby, we missed you so much.

Mum, Dad, I've seen things out
there no child should ever see.

I'll never leave you again.

(ALARM BLARES)

Boy, get up. It is not swimming day.

(LOUD BANGING)

Open it. Open the fucking door.

(LAUGHS)

- (BANGING)
- Open it!

Open it now.

- (BANGING)
- Theodore, open the door!

But I had a fucking good time, brah.

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHTER)

What's wrong, mate? I was just
getting a tissue for you.

(LAUGHS)

- (SPITS)
- (LAUGHS)

That's him right there.
Get him. Arrest him now.

- (PLANE ENGINE ROARS OVER HEAD)
- There is a plane. Stop all of it.

(LAUGHTER)

- Fuck you, Mum.
- (LAUGHS)

Yes, I do.

(LAUGHS)

No, I will not.

(LIE DETECTOR BUZZES CONSTANTLY)

- Why is it...?
- (LAUGHS)

- (GRUNTS)
- (LAUGHS)

- (GRUNTS)
- No.

- (BANGS LOUDLY)
- (LAUGHS)

I can't breathe anymore.

MAN: I have buried my
inherited family jewellery.

The exact location is the Spooners
lookout sign in the Blue Mountains.

Buried four feet underneath.

All you need is a shovel.

- Move!
- (MUMBLES)

(SCREAMS)

Why aren't you telling
me what's happening?

- Tell me what's happening.
- Get in the car. Get in the car.

I thought we were going to the Maldives.

We're not going to Maldives.

What are you doing?

Don't you listen to me
when I'm talking...?

Ahh!

It is mine. It is all mine.