Superstore (2015–…): Season 6, Episode 11 - Deep Cleaning - full transcript

Again,
we're only open

for curbside pickup
today.

There won't be any customers
in this store,

so we get to go nuts.

Deep cleaning! Yay!

Think about it like
it's a storewide cavity search.

It's store 1217's turn
to spread its cheeks.

Or think of it
as a deep cleaning.

- Pretty clear, really.
- So what?

Now we have to do a deep clean,
like, every year?

Yeah, one deep clean a year
during a pandemic



does sound
a little excessive.

- Wow.
- How has it been a year already?

But also, how has it
only been a year?

A whole year wasted.

Jerry and I never even got
to go on our honeymoon.

I had to freeze
my edible lingerie.

- Mom, that's gross.
- Oh, sorry.

It's like our whole lives
are just on hold.

Welcome to my world.

Try waiting around to see

if you're gonna get
kicked out of the country.

But I do miss brunch.

Remember ordering a pancake
for the table?

[murmurs of agreement]



You guys aren't
gonna believe this,

but I was almost sad

that we didn't have
our staff Christmas party.

- Aw!
- But I guess we're all used

to stuff getting canceled
by now.

[murmurs of agreement]

Wait, not everything has
to be canceled.

We're gonna have
that Christmas party today!

I do have a little
leftover eggnog in my locker.

You keep it,
'cause Garrett and I

are gonna take care
of everything.

- What... what am I doing?
- Oh.

I just assumed
you'd want to help

because you missed
the Christmas party so much.

Oh, unless you had your heart
set on cleaning?

Neither of those
sound appealing,

but I'll go with the one
with a lower chance

of finding another
severed foot.

Okay, so you...

- The party.
- I'll help plan the party.

Whoo-hoo!

[upbeat music]

*SUPERSTORE*
Season 06 Episode 11

Episode Title: "Deep Cleaning"
Aired on: March 04, 2021

[dramatic music]

♪

- You know what?
- This is nice.

- Uh, what's nice?
- Just us.

Back to
being platonic friends.

Brian and I back to being
a traditional one-on-one.

Well, not completely
traditional.

We're going through batteries
like crazy.

Mm-hmm.

I just love how not awkward
this all is.

Mm-hmm. You know what really
makes it not awkward?

- Saying that.
- Totally.

Yeah, same page.
Same page.

Well, I will see you
at our next interaction, friend-o!

So who is she?

You have a very obvious
flirty texting face.

Okay.

Keep it on the down low,

but, uh, Carol's lawyer,
Hannah,

followed me on Instagram
last week,

and we've been
kind of DMing.

Oh, my God, you're dating
outside the store?

I'm so proud of you.

Well, nothing has
actually happened yet,

but she said
that she has to come in

to get Carol's signature
on something,

so I'm thinking
I might ask her out.

Aw!

Go... get 'em, tiger.

[both laugh]
I don't know.

- What do straight boys say?
- [phone chimes]

- No, I mean, you nailed it.
- That's exactly what we say.

Aw, shoot.

An order just came in
for Ron and Connie Sosa.

I mean, they didn't
even really like me

when we were together, so this
is gonna be really awkward.

Well, then,
let me do it.

- Really?
- Yeah.

You know,
I barely met them.

Eric introduced me
on a family Zoom once,

but then his uncle revealed
he had a secret family,

so it just went off the rails.

- What?
- Yeah.

But now, I can give them
the best customer service

of their lives,
and they'll love me forever.

- Yeah, sure.
- Then go for it.

Keep an eye out
for a red Prius.

It smells
like cough drops inside,

but I don't think
you'll need to know that.

Oh, Garrett.

You've got quite the gift
for snowflake placement.

Thank you.
I think my secret is,

I don't care.

This is gonna be
so nice.

It almost makes me wish
we could celebrate

the other holidays
we missed too.

Yeah, like Halloween.

I was dressed in full
head-to-toe Shrek makeup,

in my living room,
for no one.

St. Patrick's Day,
Fourth of July...

my first Mother's Day.

I had always dreamed
of going to Sweet Tomatoes,

and hitting that salad bar,
soups,

serve-yourself froyo...

[shakily]
I don't wanna talk about it.

- Well, you know what?
- Maybe we can celebrate

all the holidays.

You know,

have an All-iday Party!

Do you get it?
All the holidays?

- I get it.
- Yeah. Yeah, that's genius.

Yeah, but I just think that
maybe we got our hands full

with one holiday.

Don't forget
about Thanksgiving, man.

You know, the one with
the pilgrims and the turkey?

Yeah, no, I know
what Thanksgiving is,

but... all right, sure.

Yes, we'll all have
Thanksgiving dinner too.

- Okay?
- That's cool.

Wow, this party
is gonna be... great

once it all comes together,
eventually.

Are you kidding me, Glenn?
Cooking Thanksgiving dinner?

- Well...
- That's too much work!

Yeah, but not after the tough
year that they've all had.

I mean,
look at poor Nia.

She's never gotten to celebrate
any of the holidays with us.

It's okay.

I do those
with family and friends.

Well, you're gonna forget
all about them

once you've partied with us
at work.

All-iday!

Hey, are the floor cleaners
almost ready?

We're just pushing that g...
[sniffs]

Whoa, it reeks of chemicals
in here.

We should air this out.

- Oh, yeah.
- Good idea.

[sighs in relief]

That fresh air feels nice
on my face and eyebrows.

Dina, are you okay?

- [sniffs]
- Hmm?

Oh, I just feel
a little lightheaded.

I should probably sit down.

You're already sitting.

What?

Oh.

I think maybe you got
a little high from the fumes.

Wait, could you repeat that,
but slower?

I think I might be a little...

oh, no.

Drive safe.

Oh, there they are.
Red Prius.

Okay, watch, I'm gonna get rid
of these other cars

so they don't have
to wait in line.

- VIP treatment.
- Cool.

I'm gonna go... hide.

I mean, not hide,
but...

yeah, I'm gonna go hide.

Okay.

Sorry, your order's not ready.

Uh, don't you need
my order number?

- Nope! Don't need it.
- It's not ready. Take a lap.

Come on. Take a lap.
Keep going.

Come on.
Keep going.

Take a lap.
Thank you. Thank you.

All right.
Time to shine.

- [car honking]
- Keep going.

- Take...
- [car honks]

Excuse me, I said take
a ♪♪♪♪ lap, okay?

Mateo!

We just honked
to say hi.

- Connie. Ron.
- [chuckles nervously]

Oh, my God, guys.

Hi...
[exhales shakily]

So you didn't give them
their order?

Well, I couldn't let them
drive away thinking

I'm some sort of yelling,
foul-mouthed dockworker!

I'm so sorry.

I guess they got a new car.
Doesn't matter.

Look, it was an accident, okay?
I'm sure they'll forgive you.

Like they forgave you
for taking a dump

all over Emma's quinceañera?

I mean, I wouldn't say...

I mean, that...

they were really different
after that.

Just help me
make it up to them.

Like, what's some stuff
they would like?

- Um, okay.
- Let's see.

I know Connie collects those

little porcelain
child figurines.

Something in the store I can
put in their order, please!

- Right, yes.
- Oh, they both love the...

Those fancy kettle chips.

You know, the sea salt
and cracked pepper?

Okay. It's worth a try.

I mean, I've gotta
do something.

Eric is the best, and I do not
want to mess things up.

Yeah! Eric is the best.

He's so, like, comfortable
in his own skin

and, like, cool
without even trying.

Okay, calm down,
because he's taken.

♪ Like you want me to

♪ And I'll hold you tight

♪ Baby,
all through the night ♪

So it turns out that pumpkins
are definitely not in season,

so I thought maybe
we could carve these

into jack-o'-lanterns.

I don't think
you can carve oranges,

but I just put a hand turkey
on a menorah,

so I guess
anything's on the table.

Hey, guys!

We just wanted to take
a sneak peek, if that's okay.

- Yeah.
- I don't know

what you guys were planning,

but for St. Patrick's Day,

my aunt makes this
amazing Irish soda bread.

Kind of thought
this covered it.

Oh. Okay.

It's just, I was missing
that soda bread this year.

That, and my aunt's hot son.

Aye-oh!

Well, I've never actually
made soda bread before,

but I could take a shot at it.

Since you guys are
taking suggestions...

- We're not...
- My girlfriend and I

were gonna paint mugs for
each other for Valentine's Day.

I was gonna do a raptor
on hers.

It would've been sick.

Okay, so you're saying
that you want us to set up

a mug painting station?

No, no. Garrett, it's okay.

I just need a pen
and a piece of paper

to write all these
great ideas down.

- Yeah, they're great.
- Hey, uh, Glenn?

You don't need
to kill yourself.

Yeah, but come on.

You see how badly
they need this.

- [sighs]
- Okay!

So who's got requests?
Let me hear it.

My mom makes this menudo
for Nochebuena.

[sighs]
Next level.

I don't know.

I don't think you should
eat anything back here.

It smells like garbage
and raccoon pee.

- It's not pee.
- It's placenta.

They keep nesting
in here.

I just need to find these
salt and vinegar cookies.

I know we stuck some back here
after they were recalled.

[phone buzzes]

[gasps]
It's Brian.

- I can't talk to him like this.
- Why not?

Bo and I always help each other
if we're high.

I mean, this one time,
I got scared of hair,

so he shaved all the dogs
for us.

It was really sweet.

No, I just don't want Brian
to know.

I don't want anyone to know.
It's embarrassing.

Look at me!
I just invaded

a raccoon's nest
looking for cookies

that will definitely
make me sick.

Oh! Thank God!
Here they are.

And we saw
your special request,

and warmed up
that cottage cheese for you.

So good luck.

- [clears throat]
- Hey, Jonah!

You're not gonna say hi?

[stammers]
Ron! Hey, Connie.

What are you...

I didn't even recognize
you guys with the masks.

Hi!

Could you tell us
what's going on with our order?

Oh, yeah.

I'm sure
it'll be out soon.

I think, Mateo's doing
everything he can

to make it perfect
for you.

Well, I told
my online poker room "BRB,"

so he's kind of making me
look like a liar.

Yeah...

look, Mateo just kind of wants
to get off on the right foot

with you guys,
you know what I mean?

Between us,

he's not even supposed
to be working curbside.

He just saw this
as an opportunity

to, you know,
win your approval,

you know, for his future
with Eric.

- Our approval?
- Like, our blessing?

Yeah, I mean, you know,

whatever you want to call it,
so...

- Our baby's getting married!
- Oh! Oh, no!

- No, no, no. That's not what I...
- It's okay.

We won't tell Mateo
you told us.

Connie's really good
at acting surprised.

- Oh, yeah.
- Cool.

Just to be clear, though...

- Hey, guys!
- So sorry for the delay.

I threw in a couple
of extra kettle chips

to make it up to you.

Ay, Dios mío.

[gasps]
I'm so surprised.

- [giggles]
- Our son is lucky to have you.

Wow, you really love
kettle chips.

Mateo, by the way,
if you want to talk to us,

maybe we can go inside.

Somewhere a little
more comfortable?

Sure! Absolutely!

Uh, right now?

What about your poker game,
Ron?

Hey, some things
are more important.

- Ah.
- Come on.

Jonah.

- Park the car.
- Oh.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Happy to help.

It's so nice to be able
to sit down in person.

I bet you thought
I was just shoulders

with a head.
[both laugh]

We did!
That's funny, huh?

So funny.

[all laugh]

Hey, uh, Mateo, can I talk
to you for a minute?

Uh, there's
a curbside emergency.

Uh-huh. Sure.

Oh, look.
I even got legs.

[both laugh]

Uh, so Ron and Connie are

kind of expecting you
to ask their blessing

to... marry Eric.

What? Why?

Do kettle chips mean something
in Honduran culture

that I'm not aware of?

I told them that you wanted
to make a good impression,

and they made some
leaps.

To marriage?

Eric and I aren't even
talking about that!

Look, just say
that you're not ready.

You know,
that's reasonable.

You can even say
that it's my fault.

It was your fault,
but now they like me,

and I'm not gonna
screw that up.

You have to come back with me.

- Oh, no. I can't.
- Please, Jonah.

They're not gonna expect me
to ask if you're there.

- Mateo, I'm not...
- So I can be the blameless angel,

and you can just be...
the weirdo

who likes to hang out
with his ex's parents.

I feel like there has to be
a better way.

- Connie, Ron!
- Jonah's gonna join us.

[whispers loudly]
He misses you guys.

[microwave beeps]

- Ow! Hot, hot!
- Hot, hot, hot! Ow!

Okay, so now,
all I gotta do is

pick out the mushrooms
from the cream of mushroom,

the way that
Don's gam-gam does it,

and I think we'll pretty much
be all done!

What the hell is that?

Oh! That's Garfield.

I made him 'cause Sandra
was really missing seeing him

in the Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Oh, well, now she'll see him
every time she closes her eyes.

- Oh!
- Come on, Garrett.

It's just Garfield.

- No, no, no, no.
- Glenn, turn around.

But slowly.

No!

Come on, guys.
That food's for us!

[raccoons chittering]
No, I mean it! Seriously!

Guys. Guys.

Guys!

- Oh, God.
- Hey, real quick.

How do you talk
to people again?

- Oh, just act normal.
- No one's even gonna know.

- Right. Normal.
- Dina.

Can you help us with this?

We can't figure out
how to use it.

It's okay.

Okay, first of all,
I would like

to thank you for starting
a conversation with me.

Um, you asked me a question,
which means now...

it's my turn to answer it,
so...

you just grip it firmly,

almost as though the scrubber
is an extension of your arms.

Kind of like you got two long,
industrial cleaning arms.

[chuckles]

Not that I think
that those are my actual arms.

I know I have normal arms.

Just a couple of flesh tubes,

filled with blood.

Yo, are you high right now?

What did you just say
to me?

Uh, so you guys know
the arm thing now,

and you can take it
from here.

We gotta go.

I think I'm starting
to hallucinate.

No, it's...

Dina.

And yet he ended up getting
the answer right anyway,

and wins the game.

Okay, thank you for
walking us through the plot

of "Slumdog Millionaire,"
a movie that we said

we've all seen.

Uh-huh, yeah.
No problem.

Jonah, don't let us keep you
if you have to go back to work.

I am sure Mateo would love
some alone time with us anyway.

- [chuckles nervously]
- Yeah, Jonah.

Kind of awkward
you're just sticking around.

Well, uh, I am on the clock.

- [whimpers]
- But, no. No!

I am not going anywhere.
No.

We've got some catching up
to do.

So is that recipe
you sent me a joke,

or would I be making
the vegan bacon for my enemies?

Hey, it's... you!

- [laughs]
- Hi. I'm Hannah.

Hannah!

These are my friends,
Ron and Connie.

- He used to date our daughter.
- Till he dumped her.

- Oh.
- Ah, that's not true.

I didn't even want
to break up.

I mean, I'm glad I did,

because it made me
a better person.

Not that Amy made me
a bad person!

Uh, anyway,

Carol's here somewhere,
so you should go...

to... to her.

Cool.

[sighs]

Jonah, don't be rude.

Tell us all
the vegan bacon recipe!

Yes! Uh...

Okay, enough.

Jonah's not picking up
on social cues, as usual,

so I'll just ask the question:

Mateo, do you want our blessing
to marry our son?

Mm-hmm. Yep.

- That I do.
- [gasps]

Oh, I'm so surprised!

Okay, I think
we can make this work.

You know, we'll just
pick the fur out,

and, you know... and then
sort of smush it back together,

and then let
the good times roll.

Come on, Glenn.
It's fine.

We'll just tell people
the party's off.

- No!
- People deserve a good time.

Come on.
We can fix this.

Garrett, why aren't you
picking and smushing?

'Cause I'm not
gonna do that, dude!

Just get over it.

There's nothing you can do
to make people happy.

That's just the way it is.

The pandemic happened,

and everybody had
a ♪♪♪♪ year.

You don't think I know that?

Look, I gotta try
to give them something!

I mean, people have been
working nonstop

for so long,
risking their health, you know,

and then we didn't even
get Christmas.

You know,
we had to stay at home

eating baloney
sandwiches

and watching church
on Facebook Live!

I-I... people have missed out
on so much.

And I just wanna
give them, like,

one little ray of sunshine,
but I guess not!

Not in this...
piece of crap year!

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah, I'm eating raccoon fur.

And I don't care!

So that's all I need
from you.

I'll give you a call
if there's any updates.

Great. And did you get my
text about which employees here

I think are circumcised?

I did. Yes.

I'm sorry.
How do you think that helps?

You're the lawyer.

Hey.

So, um,

look, I'm sorry about before.

I didn't mean to blow you off
or anything.

It was just, like,
a little awkward...

Oh, no.
That's fine.

I think it's totally cool
that you're friends

with your
ex-girlfriend's parents.

But I'm really not.

- Oh, good.
- Because that was weird.

It was, like,
a massive red flag.

[both laugh]

Uh, look,

this might violate
some professional ethics

or something,
and I know you just came

to get Carol's signature...

Well, I usually have
my clients e-sign.

- Oh.
- Uh, okay.

Well then, would you maybe want
to get dinner this weekend?

- Yeah, I would.
- All right.

Now, my dad
only eats Italian,

and my mom is gonna want it
early, like 5:00-ish.

- Oh, okay. Yeah. No.
- I figured. I figured as much.

I mean, it wouldn't be a date
without, um...

I wanna say Barb and Mitch?

Sure, let's say
Barb and Mitch.

- Great. Yeah, no.
- I think the four of us are

gonna have a great time
together.

- [laughs]
- Okay.

[overlapping chatter]

[overlapping chatter fades]

So where do we
paint the mugs?

You don't.

What about
the Irish soda bread?

- The raccoons ate it.
- [sighs]

[overlapping chatter]

- All right. Look.
- Okay, guys, you know what?

Sure, this party looks like

"A Charlie Brown
Hoarders Special,"

but for once, you guys have
to do the people-pleasing

because Glenn has been
doing it all day, all year.

You know what?
He's been doing it

since he started working here.

So here's what's gonna happen:
You guys are gonna enjoy

this weird-ass little party
'cause that's what Glenn wants.

Got it?

I'll put vodka in the punch.

Now that's what
I'm talking about.

[murmurs of agreement]

Hey, fiancé.

- Oh, God.
- What parts did you hear?

Not much, since my mom was
crying a lot,

but I was able to catch
that we're getting married?

Okay, I swear this is
all Jonah's fault...

It's fine.

I'm sure Parker will get
a new tooth soon

and they'll forget that
we promised them a big wedding.

- [sighs in relief]
- Yeah.

Although...

That's a pretty big
"although" to leave hanging.

- [sighs]
- I don't know.

I've been trying not
to think about my future

just 'cause it's so up
in the air with my status,

and, you know,
everything being hell,

but...

I'm just sick of putting
everything on hold.

So... yeah.

I want to marry you someday.

I mean, not that I even know
if that's something you want...

But it is.

Really?

We should start
talking about it.

[sighs in relief]

I just would've preferred
we talk about it

before my mom started
sending me photos

of matching white tuxes.

- [laughs]
- Oh.

[uplifting music]

♪

We would never do matching
white tuxes, by the way.

Never!

I don't know, Jerusha.

I don't think I need a
pepperoni casserole right now.

I need a time machine.

Will Glenn Sturgis please
report to the warehouse?

Glenn. Sturgis. Warehouse.

Uh, I gotta go.

♪ Deck the halls

- ♪ Deck the halls
- [excited chatter]

♪ Deck the halls

♪ Deck the halls

♪ See the blazing yule

♪ Before us

♪ Fa la la la la

Wow! This is wonderful.

Yeah, I gotta say, Glenn,
I was wrong.

People seem
to really like the party.

Yeah, I know!

Look at the look
of childlike wonder

on Brett's face.

♪ Deck the halls

Aw!

- Oh!
- Hey!

- [grunts]
- [cheering]

[laughs]

Wait, are those potatoes?

Do people know
they have candy in Ireland?

Shh, we're not
questioning it.

- Great party, Glenn!
- Oh!

- [laughs]
- Hey, friend-o!

How was the deep clean?

Did you guys find any
vintage COVID from April?

- Oh, uh, yeah.
- Everything was great.

Dina was especially normal.

- It's okay.
- It's Garrett.

- I was high today.
- What?

Are you serious?
Well, I wanna know everything.

Context,
embarrassing anecdotes,

- the whole nine yards.
- Okay.

So it all started first thing
in the morning, right?

♪ Mistletoeing,
and hearts will be glowing ♪

♪ When loved ones are near

- Hey, everybody!
It's snowing!

It's an All-iday miracle!

♪ Oh, the most
wonderful time ♪

♪ Of the year

[all grunting]

Oh. Yeah.

It's been snowing for months.

Close the door!
Jesus, Glenn!

Subtitles
Synchronized by srjanapala