Supernatural (2005–…): Season 5, Episode 8 - Changing Channels - full transcript

sam: lilith was
the final seal.

I killed her,
and i set lucifer free.

You sons of bitches
jump-started judgment day!

It's apocalypse now.

Raphael,
where is he?

God?
he's dead, castiel.

Nick: you know who i am.
sam: lucifer.

You're the one, sam.
you're my true vessel.
that'll never happen.

you're
the michael sword.

What do you mean,
i'm the sword?
you're
michael's weapon.

i'm a vessel?
you're the vessel.



Aaah!

Bobby: you got a trickster
on your hands.

So, what is it --
spirit, demon?

More like demigod.

They're immortal,

And they can create things
out of thin air,

Usually with a sense of humor --
deadly pranks.

Okay, another thing
bobby mentioned

Was that these suckers
have a real sweet tooth.

Sam:
so this is fun for you?

Killing dean
over and over again?

Sam, there's a lesson here.

What lesson?
dean's your weakness.

The bad guys know it, too.



He's gonna be the death
of you, sam.

dean: "supernatural" is filmed
before a live studio audience.

[ cheers and applause ]

I'm gonna need
a bigger mouth.

[ canned laughter ]

[ cheers and applause ]

Hey, there, sam.
what's happening?

Oh, nothing.

Um...
just the end of the world.

[ canned laughter ]

You're gonna need
a bigger mouth.

[ canned laughter ]

Hey, uh...have you done
your research yet?

Oh, yeah.

All kinds of research.
all night.

Yeah? huh.

[ audience oohs, wolf-whistles ]

Oh, dean...

...we have some more "research"
to do.

[ audience oohs ]

Dean...

[ canned laughter ]

Son of a bitch!

[ cheers and applause ]

[ mid-tempo piano music plays ]

?town to town ?

?two-lane roads ?

?the family biz ?

?two huntin' bros ?

?livin' the lie ?

?just to get by-y-y-y ?

?as long
as we're movin' forward ?

?there's nothin' we can't do ?

?together, we'll face the day ?

?you and i won't run away ?

?when the demons
come out to pla-a-y ?

?together, we'll face the day ?

[ anya marina's
"move you" plays ]

[ elevator bell dings,
doors open ]

?bending spoons with my mind ?

?manifesting men of all kinds ?

?in my spare time ?

?but, oh,
how i struggled... ?

[ breathing heavily ]

dr. piccolo: doctor...

What are you watching?

It's a hospital show.

"dr. sexy, m.d."
i think it's based on a book.

[ chuckles ]
when did you hit menopause?

It's called
channel-surfing.

You ready?

Are you?

One more time --
the f.b.i. is here why, exactly?

Well, it might have
something to do

With one of your locals
getting his head ripped off.

Bill randolph died
from a bear attack.

How sure are you
that it was a bear?

What else would it be?

Well, whatever it was,

It chased mr. randolph
through the woods,

Smashed through his front door,
followed him up the stairs,

And killed him
in his bedroom.

Is that common --
a bear doing all that?

Depends how pissed off it is,
i guess.

Look, the randolphs lived
way up in high country.

You got trout runs
that'll make a grown man weep...

And bears.

Right.
now, what about mrs. randolph?

The file says
she saw the whole thing.

Yes, she did. my heart goes out
to that poor woman.

She said bear?

Kathy randolph went through
a hell of a trauma.

She's confused.

What did she say?

Kathy: no.
i-it must have been a bear.

I-i mean,
what else could it have been?

Mrs. randolph...

What did you think it was?

[ sighs ]

No.
i-i remember clearly now.

It was definitely
a bear.

We're sure it was.

But see, it -- it helps us
to hear, uh, every angle.

So, just tell us
what you thought you saw.

Well, it's impossible,
but...

...i could have sworn
i saw...

...the incredible hulk.

The incredible hulk.

I told you.
it's crazy.

You, um...

Bana or norton?

Oh, no.
those movies were terrible.

The tv hulk.

Lou ferrigno?

Yes.

Spiky-hair
lou ferrigno?
yes.

Huh.

Oh, you think
i'm crazy.

No.
uh...

No, i-it's just --
is --

Is there, uh...

Would there be any reason

That lou ferrigno,
the incredible hulk,

Um, would have a grudge
against your husband?

No.

No.

[ door opens ]

Hey.

Find anything?

Well, uh,
i saw the house.

And?

And there is
a giant 8-foot-wide hole

Where the front door
used to be.

Almost like...
a hulk-sized hole.

Maybe.
what do you got?

Well, it turns out
that bill randolph
had quite the temper.

Uh, he's got two counts
of spousal battery, bar brawls,

And court-ordered
anger-management sessions.

You might say you wouldn't
like him when he's angry.

[ chuckles ]

So, a hothead getting killed
by tv's greatest hothead.

Kind of sounds like
just deserts, doesn't it?
[ chuckles ]

[ chuckles ]
it's all starting to make sense.

How is it
starting to make sense?

Well, i found something else
at the crime scene.

Candy wrappers.

Lots of 'em.

Just deserts,
sweet tooth,

Screwing with people
before you kill them.

We're dealing with
the trickster, aren't we?

Sure looks like.

Good.

Been wanting to gank that mother
since mystery spot.

You sure?

Yeah, i'm sure.

No, i mean, are you sure
you want to kill him?

Son of a bitch didn't
think twice about icing me --

A thousand times.
no. i know.

I-i mean,
i'm just saying.
what are you saying?

If you don't want to kill him,
then what?

Talk to him.
what?

Look,
think about it, dean.

He's one of the most powerful
creatures we've ever met.

Maybe we can use him.

For what?

Okay, trickster's like a --
like a hugh hefner type, right?

Wine, women, song.

Maybe he doesn't want
the party to end.

I mean, maybe he hates
this "angels and demons"
stuff as much as we do.

Maybe he'll help us.

You're serious?
yeah.

Ally with the trickster?

Yeah.

A bloody,
violent monster...

And you want to be
facebook friends with him?

Nice, sammy.

The world is gonna end,
dean.

We don't have the luxury
of a moral stand.

I'm just saying,
it's worth a shot. that's all.

If it doesn't work...
we'll kill him.

[ sighs ]

How we gonna find the guy,
anyway?

Well, he never takes
just one victim, right?

He'll show.

[ feedback ]

man: uh, dispatch?
i got a possible 187

out here at the old paper mill
on route 6.

Sam: hey.

walt: roger that.

what are you looking at,
son?

honestly, walt,
i wouldn't even know

how to begin to describe
what i'm seeing.

just, um,
send everybody.

Alright, stay calm, stay by your car.

Help's on your way.

That sounds weird.

Weird enough
to be our guy?

There was
a murder here...

And there's no police cars --
there's nobody.

How does that look
to you?

Crappy.

[ anya marina's
"not a through street" plays ]

What the hell?

Doctor.

Doctor.

"doctor"?

?...of those years ?

?kind of strange ?

?kind of sad, considering... ?

[ breathes deeply ]

?...the tears... ?

Doctor.

Ow!

Seriously?
what?

Seriously, you're brilliant,
you know that?

And a coward.
you're a brilliant coward.

Uh, what are you
talking about?

As if you don't know.

I don't believe this.

What?

That was dr. piccolo.

Who?

Dr. ellen piccolo.

The sexy-yet-earnest doctor
at...

...seattle mercy hospital.

Uh, dean...

What the hell
are you talking about?

The doctor getups.
the -- the -- the sexy interns.

The "seriouslys."
it all makes sense.

What makes sense?
what's going on?

We're in
"dr. sexy, m.d."

Dude,
what the hell?
i don't know.

No, seriously.
what the hell?
i don't know.

One theory.
any theory.

Uh, the trickster trapped us
in tv land.

That's your theory?
that's stupid.

You're the one who said
we're on "dr. sexy, m.d."

Yeah, but tv land
isn't tv land.

I mean, there's actors
a-and lights and crew members.

You know?
this looks real.
it can't be.

Dean, how can this
possibly be real?

I don't know.
all right?

Oh, but there goes
dr. wang,

The sexy-but-arrogant
heart surgeon.

And there's johnny drake.

Oh, he's not even alive.
he's a ghost in the mind of...

...of her, the sexy-but-neurotic
doctor over there.

so, this show has ghosts?
[ scoffs ] why?

i don't know.
it is compelling.

I thought you said
you aren't a fan.

i'm not.
i'm not.

Oh, boy.

What?

It's him.
who?

It's him.
it's dr. sexy.

Doctor.

Doctor.

Doctor.

woman on p.a.:
paging dr. stateman.

dr. stateman, please.

Doctor.

You want to give me
one good reason

Why you defied
my direct order

To do the experimental
face transplant on mrs. beale?

One reason?

Hmm?

Sure.
[ clears throat ]

You're not dr. sexy.

You're crazy.

Really?

'cause i swore
part of what makes dr. sexy sexy

Is the fact
that he wears cowboys boots...

Not tennis shoes.

Yeah, you're not a fan.

It's a guilty pleasure.

Call security.

Yeah, go ahead, pal.
see, we know what you are.

You guys
are getting better.

Get us
the hell out of here.

Or what?

Don't see your wooden stakes,
big guy.

That was you on the police
scanner, right? this is a trick.

Hello-o-o?

Trickster?

Come on! i heard
you two yahoos were in town.

How could i resist?
where the hell are we?

You like it?
it's all homemade.

My own sets,
my own actors.

Call it
my own little idiot box.

How do we get out?

That, my friend,
is the $64 question.

Sam: whatever.
we just --

We need to talk to you.
we need your help.

Hmm.

Let me guess.

You two muttonheads
broke the world,

And you want me
to sweep up your mess?

Please.

Just five minutes.
hear us out.

Sure.
tell you what.

Survive the 24 next hours,
we'll talk.

Survive what?

The game.

What game?

You're in it.

How do we play?

You're playing it.

What are the rules?

Oh, son of a bitch.

Dr. sexy?

Dr. sexy?

[ sighs ]

[ beep ]

paging dr. sexy.
report to the e.r.

Oh, by the way --
talking with monsters?

Hell of a plan.

Just...
what do we do now?

You know what i'm doing?
leaving.

Lady...
what the hell?

You are
a brilliant, brilliant --

Yeah, a coward.
you already said that.

But i got news for you.

I am not a doctor.

[ renee stahl's
"something real" plays ]

Don't say that.

You are the finest
cerebrovascular neurosurgeon

I have ever met...
and i have met plenty.

So that girl died
on your table.

It wasn't your fault.
it wasn't anybody's fault.

Sometimes people just die.

I have no idea
what you're saying to me.

You're afraid.

You're afraid to operate again,
and you're afraid to love.

?...you hear me calling? ?

Yeah,
we're getting out of here.

Hey, doctor.

Yes?

My wife needs
that face transplant.

Okay.
you know what, pal?

None of this is real,
okay?

And your wife
doesn't need jack squat.

Okay?

?...thought i
could almost see... ?

Hey, doctor.

Ugh!

?...something real... ?

Real!
it's real!

No, no, no.
ohh!

No, no, no, no, no!
hey! we need a doctor!

?...real ?

[ monitor beeps ]

?disappears before
you see the signs ?

?the end is... ?

B.p. is 80 over 50...
and dropping.

Doctor?

What?

?...disappears before
i saw the sign... ?

Sam, do something.
come on.

I don't know how to use
any of this crap.

Figure it out!

Sam!
come on. i'm waiting.

Okay, um, i need a...

Penknife,
some dental floss,

A sewing needle,
and a fifth of whiskey.

[ r&b music plays ]

Stat!

?i'm livin' my life
for somethin' worthy... ?

We okay?
how's it looking?

Yep. you'll be fine.

?...to me ?

?i love to see you happy ?

?you embrace ?

?the essence ?

?of a soul
that must have been sent here ?

?straight from heaven ?

?you ?

?taught me... ?

[ clanging, indistinct voices,
music fades ]

[ indistinct conversations
in japanese ]

[ cheers and applause ]

[ cheers and applause
intensify ]

[ speaking japanese ]

Let's play "nut-cracker"!

[ applause ]

[ speaking japanese ]

Sam winchester...

[ speaking japanese ]

Countdown.

What?

Uh...

what am i
supposed to say?
you think i know?

Uh, i-i don't -- i don't
understand, uh, japanese.

[ speaking japanese ]

[ chuckles ]
is he screwing with me?

I-i-i-i-i can't speak
japane--

[ alarm sounds ]

[ groans ]

[ speaking japanese ]

Ruby.

[ audience groans ]

I'm sorry, sam winchester.

Sorry?
sorry for what?

[ laughter ]
dean.

Ohhh!

Whoa!
"nut-cracker"!

[ groaning ]

Whoa!
"nut-cracker"!

[ groans ]

Sam?

[ groaning ]
yeah?!

Hello, chikato-san?

Hai?

[ speaking japanese ]

[ speaking japanese ]

You okay?

[ banging ]

Now what?

Cass?

[ grunts ]

Is this
another trick?

It's me.
uh, what are you doing here?

us?
what are you doing here?

Looking for you.
you've been missing for days.

Get us the hell out of here,
then.

[ audience groans ]
let's go.

Cass.

No, no, no, no.

Mr. trickster does not like
pretty-boy angels.

[ speaking japanese ]

Hmm?

[ speaking japanese ]

Dean winchester...

[ speaking japanese ]

Countdown.

What do i do? what do i do?
i don't want to get hit
in the nuts.

I-i know.
uh, uh...

J-just, um...
wait.
what?!

I played a doctor.
what?!

In -- in "dr. sexy."
i played a doctor. i operated.
so?

So, i played the role
the trickster wanted me to play.

M-maybe we just
have to go along with it.

Go along with what?
with the game. i mean,
we're on a game show, right?

So, just answer
the question.

In japanese?
yeah.

I don't know japanese!
try!

Damn it!
[ siren blares ]

[ applause ]

[ speaking japanese ]

[ audience murmurs ]

[ speaking japanese ]

[ speaking japanese ]

[ shouting in japanese ]

Dean winchester --
"nut-cracker" champion!

How did you do that!

I have no idea.

So, that's it.

We play our roles,
we survive.

Yeah. play our roles
for how long?

Good question.

[ soothing music plays ]

I've got genital herpes.

I've got genital herpes.

Seriously?

Hey, you're the one
who said play our roles.

So, uh...
yeah. right.

[ haltingly ]
i've got genital herpes.

I tried to be responsible.

Did i try.

But now i take
twice-daily herpexia

To reduce my chances
of passing it on.

Ask your doctor
about using herpexia.

dean: patients should always
consult with a physician

before using herpexia.

possible side effects include

headache, diarrhea,
permanent erectile dysfunction,

thoughts of suicide,
and nausea.

I am doing all i can

To slightly lessen
the spread of --

Of...genital herpes.

And that's a good thing.

We now return to Supernatural.

son of a bitch!

[ canned laughter ]

I am really, really
very sorry,

But...
[ clears throat ]

...we've got
some work to do.

but we
did do work....

In depth.

[ audience cheers, shouts ]

[ canned laughter ]

[ cheers and applause ]

How long do we
have to keep doing this?

I don't know.

[ cheers and applause
continue ]

Maybe forever?

[ canned laughter ]

We might die in here.

[ canned laughter ]

How is that funny?

Vultures.

[ cheers and applause ]
you okay?

I don't have
much time.
what happened?

I got out.
from where?

Listen to me.
something is not right.

This thing is much more powerful
than it should be.

What thing --
the trickster?
if it is
a trickster.

What do you mean?

[ audience gasps ]

Hello!

[ cheers and applause ]
thank you!

Thank you.

Stop.

[ applause stops ]

Hi, castiel.

You know him?
where did you
just send him?

Relax.
he'll live.

Maybe.

[ canned laughter ]

I'm done with the monkey dance,
okay? we get it.

Yeah?
get what, hotshot?

Playing our roles, right?
that's your game?

That's half the game.
what's the other half?

Play your roles
out there.

What's that
supposed to mean?

You know --
sam, starring as lucifer.

Dean,
starring as michael.

Your celebrity deathmatch.
play your roles.

You want us to say yes
to those sons of bitches?

Hells, yeah.
let's light this candle!

We do that,
the world will end.

Yeah?
and whose fault is that?

Who popped lucifer
out of the box, hmm?

Look, it's started.
you started it.

It can't be stopped.
so, let's get it over with.

Heaven or hell --
which side you on?

I'm not on either side.

Yeah, right.

You're grabbing ankle
for michael or lucifer.

Which one is it?

You listen to me,
you arrogant dick.

I don't work for either
of those s.o.b.s, believe me.

Hmm.
oh, you're somebody's bitch.

Don't you ever, ever presume
to know what i am.

Now, listen very closely.

Here's what's gonna happen.

You're gonna suck it up,
accept your responsibilities,

And play the roles that
destiny has chosen for you.

And if we don't?

Then you'll stay here
in tv land...

Forever.

300 channels and, uh,
nothing's on.

[ camera shutter clicking ]

[ indistinct radio chatter,
indistinct talking ]

[ dramatic music plays ]

[ siren wails in distance ]

Oh, come on.

What do you think?

What do i think?

I think go screw yourself,
that's what i think.

Uh, can you give us a sec,
please?

Thanks.

You got to calm down.
calm down?

I am wearing sunglasses
at night.

You know who does that?
no-talent douche bags.

I hate this game.

I hate that
we're in a procedural cop show.

And you want to know why?

Because i hate
procedural cop shows!

There's like 300 of them
on television. they're
all the freakin' same.

It's, "ooh, a plane
crashed here." oh, shut up!

Hey.
what?

Check out sweet tooth
over there.

Think that's him?

Just, uh,
follow my lead.

[ the who's
"won't get fooled again" plays ]

?yeah! ?

You, uh, you okay?

[ gravelly voice ]
yeah.

What do we got?

Well, aside from the ligature
marks around his neck,

He has what appears to be

A roll of quarters
jammed down his throat.

[ gravelly voice ]
well, i say...

Jackpot.

Hmm.

Also...

There was a stab wound
to the lower abdomen there.

[ indistinct radio chatter ]

Well, i say...

...no guts, no glory.

[ chuckles ]

Get that guy a...

Tums.

[ chuckles ]

Gutter ball.

[ laughs ]

That's a good one, guys.

[ groans ]

[ gags ]

[ man laughs ]

Ha ha!

You got the wrong guy,
idiot.

Did we?

I'm worried, man --

What that s.o.b. did to cass.

You know, where is he?

Sam?

Where are you?

It's sam.
leave me a message.

[ beep ]
sam, it's me.

Where the hell did you go?

sam: dean?

Sam?

Where are you?

i don't know.

oh, crap.

i don't think we killed
the trickster.

[ "knight rider" theme plays ]

[ music stops ]

Okay, stake didn't work.

so, what?
this another trick?
i don't know.

maybe the stake didn't work
because it's not a trickster.

what do you mean?
i mean, you heard cass.

he said this thing was
too powerful to be a trickster.

Yeah, and did you notice
the way he looked at cass?

Almost like he knew him.

and how pissed he got

when you brought up
michael and lucifer.

son of a bitch.
what?

I think i know
what we're dealing with.

[ "knight rider" theme resumes ]

[ music stops ]

dean?
what?

that, um,
feels really uncomfortable.

ow.

you sure this is gonna work?

No, but i have no other ideas.

All right, you son of a bitch!

Uncle!

We'll do it!

should i honk?

Wow.

Sam, get a load
of the rims on you.

eat me.

Okay, boys,
ready to go quietly?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
not so fast.

Nobody's going anywhere
until sam has opposable thumbs.

What's the difference?

Satan's gonna ride his ass
one way or another.

Happy?
[ car door closes ]

Tell me one thing.
why didn't the stake kill you?

i am the trickster.

[ lighter clicks ]
but maybe you're not.

Maybe you've always been
an angel.

[ laughs ]

A what?!

Somebody slip a mickey
in your power shake, kid?

I'll tell you what.

You just jump out
of the holy fire,

And we'll call it
our mistake.

[ chuckles ]

Well played, boys.
well played.

Where'd you get
the holy oil?

Oh, you might say
we pulled it out of sam's ass.

Where'd i screw up?

You didn't.

But nobody gets the jump on cass
like you did.

Mostly, it was the way
you talked about armageddon.

Meaning?

Well, call it
personal experience.

Nobody gets that angry

Unless they're talking
about their own family.

So, which one are you?
grumpy, sneezy, or douchey?

Gabriel, okay?

They call me gabriel.

Gabriel?
the archangel?

Guilty.

Okay, gabriel. how does
an archangel become a trickster?

My own private
witness protection.

I skipped out of heaven,
had a face transplant,

Carved out my own little corner
of the world...

Till you two
screwed it all up.

And what did daddy say
when you ran off and
joined the pagans?

Daddy doesn't say anything
about anything.

Then what happened?
why'd you ditch?

Well, do you blame him?

I mean, his brothers
are heavyweight douche-nozzles.

Shut your cake hole.

You don't know anything
about my family.

I loved my father,
my brothers -- loved them.

But watching them
turn on each other?

Tear at
each other's throats?

I couldn't bear it,
okay?!

So i left.

And now it's happening
all over again.

Then help us stop it.

It can't be stopped.

You want to see
the end of the world?

I want it to be over!

I have to sit back

And watch my own brothers kill
each other, thanks to you two!

Heaven, hell --
i don't care who wins!

I just want it to be over!

Well, it doesn't
have to be like that.

There has to be some way
to -- to pull the plug.

[ laughs ]

Oh, you do not know
my family.

What you guys
call the apocalypse

I used to call
sunday dinner.

That's why
there's no stopping this --

Because this
isn't about a war.

It's about two brothers
that loved each other

And betrayed each other.

You think
you'd be able to relate.

What are you
talking about?

[ clicks tongue ]

[ whistles ]

You sorry sons of bitches.

Why do you think
you two are the vessels?

Think about it.

Michael --
the big brother,

Loyal
to an absent father.

And lucifer --
the little brother,

Rebellious
of daddy's plan.

You were born to this, boys.

It's your destiny!

It was always you!

As it is
in heaven...

So it must be
on earth.

One brother
has to kill the other.

What the hell
are you saying?

Why do you think i've always
taken such an interest in you?

Because from the moment

Dad flipped on the lights
around here,

We knew it was all
gonna end with you.

Always.

No.

That's not gonna happen.

I'm sorry...

But it is.

Guys, i wish
this were a tv show.

Easy answers,
endings wrapped up in a bow.

But this is real.

And it's gonna end bloody
for all of us.

That's just
how it's got to be.

Gabriel:
so, boys...

Now what?

Stare at each other
for the rest of eternity?

Dean:
well, first of all,

You're gonna bring cass back
from wherever you stashed him.

Oh, am i?

Yeah.

Or we're going to dunk you
in some holy oil

And deep-fry ourselves
an archangel.

[ panting ]

Cass, you okay?

I'm fine.

Hello, gabriel.

Hey, bro.

How's the search for daddy
going?

Let me guess.
awful.

Okay,
we're out of here.

Come on, sam.

Okay.

Hey -- guys?

So -- so, what?

Huh?

You're just gonna -- you're
gonna leave me here forever?

No.
we're not.

'cause we don't screw
with people the way you do.

And for
the record...

This isn't about some prizefight
between your brothers

Or some destiny
that can't be stopped!

This is about you

Being too afraid
to stand up to your family!

[ alarm ringing ]

Don't say
i never did anything for you.

All that stuff
he was spouting in there --

You think
he was telling the truth?

i think
he believes it.

So, what do we do?

I don't know.

I'll tell you one thing.

Right about now, i wish
i was back on a tv show.

[ chuckles softly ]

Yeah, me too.

[ car doors open ]