Succession (2018–…): Season 2, Episode 2 - Vaulter - full transcript

Roman and Kendall do a "routine health check" of a new media brand to help Vaulter determine the future of the company; Tom tasks Greg with sniffing out waste at ATN; Connor and Willa host a soiree to mark their return to New York.

I'm not letting you Neanderthals
in to rape my company.

This is a deal so fucking
good, you have to take it,

or we'll see you in court.



LOGAN ROY: We need to discuss
this bear hug: stick or settle?

I think you should fight.

- You're the one who built it all.
- Oh, that was adorable.

You're always looking
out for Pops, aren't you?

I'd like to formally ask you to come in

to be the next chief
executive of this company.

You're the one.

SHIV ROY: For now we need to
keep this between us,

- everything about Tom, Gil.
- LOGAN: Of course.

TOM WAMSGANS: What did he say?
Where am I going?

What have you fucking
landed me? Is it huge?

Chair of global broadcast news.



ATN, baby.

Kendall and Roman will act as
co-chief operating officers.

Did you just say co-chief?

No, he's coming back?

STEWY HOUSSEINI:
Look what the cat dragged in.

He wanted me to tell you
you're going to bleed cash,

he's going to bleed cash,

and maybe you'll kill him,
but if you don't, he aims to kill you.

We're going to be the number one

media conglomerate in the world.

Hear, hear.

[TV STATIC]

[BRIGHT MUSIC]

♪ (MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

- (CROWD MUTTERING)
- WOMAN: Can we get in? What's going on?

HEAD OF GUEST RELATIONS: Let's go.

Let's see if he's still awake.

BOY: Is that him?

HEAD OF GUEST RELATIONS:
Okay. Can we yell,

"Wake up, Snow Joe!"

(CHILDREN GIGGLING)

BOTH: Wake up, Snow Joe!

ROMAN ROY: There he is.

What's poppin', cum-dump?

Yeah, just enjoying my
daughter's birthday, so...

Daddy, uh, we've tried everything.

Can they make the wagon train go faster?

Let's... Let's ask, yeah?

Can the wagon train go any faster?

Uh, up to a point.

Yeah, great. Let's take it
up to that point. Thanks.

SOPHIE ROY: Thanks, Daddy.

The signage is for shit.

You know, still, some
other sucker's problem now.

Three months ago, I was at a
meeting about how to stop kids

giving each other handy jobs
on the runaway ghost train.

And now, I'm about to start managing

a billion-dollar news
budget, so... It's all good.

I gave my first hand
job on the ghost train.

GREG HIRSCH: I have a shitty
roommate right now, so I'm...

trying to move on from that.

My friend has an open
room in her apartment.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah, I mean,

she has an issue with spores from mold,

but I don't know. I don't know
how your lungs are with spores.

GREG: You know, I did see one place,

uh, 600 square feet.

But it was out in Staten Island.

- What?
- I dunno if...

Cousin Greg is moving to Staten Island?

No, no. I dunno.

(LAUGHING) Oh my God, did you hear this?

I'm just looking at a place out there.

Greg is getting the ferry to work?

Check out Bryan Ferry.

Dude, why stop at the ferry?

Just come in from
Cleveland on the Greyhound.

- (TOM WAMBSGANS LAUGHS)
- Have you considered a hotel?

Oh, wh... As, like, nightly, or... ?

Logan's requested your
presence in meeting room 4.

- Which?
- Both of you.

Oh. That'll be fun.

Beavis and Crackhead.

Um, Logan also asked
for you to join, too.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

Oh. Okay.

- You wanna take this?
- No.

Off they all go again,
marching off to Daddy.

Like Russians joining
the Brusilov Offensive.

World War I.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right.

My focus is bringing Waystar Royco

to its full earning potential.

- So, uh, Waystar refused to play ball?
- Mm-hmm.

STEVE COX: I'm assuming they waved

a poison pill in your face

and now you're launching a proxy battle

to replace the board.

This guy, fuckin' dildo
dipped in beard trimmings.

He's fuckin' us on TV.

And of course Pierce put him on.

STEWY HOSSEINI: Yes, we're
launching into a proxy battle

LOGAN ROY: Self-righteous
fuckin' butter-wouldn't-melt,

disingenuous Pulitzer pricks.

Is Logan Roy fit

to run a 21st-century
media organization?

You recognize any of this, son?

It's from the playbook, Dad.

LOGAN: Oh, yes, of course, the playbook.

Sure.

STEWY: Let me just make it very clear.

Kendall Roy is no longer relevant.

Now, with regards to Sandy Furness...

LOGAN: So...

GERRI KELLMAN: We keep
our counsel. Dismissive.

Just lay it all out
in our proxy statement.

A hurried public response
makes us look rattled.

So let Stewy sway all
the shareholders first

while Dad sits there (LAUGHS)
with his thumb up his ass?

That's a great plan.

- Hey, Shiv.
- GERRI: Respectfully, we just take a beat.

Let me, uh, put a solid pack together.

We fire back when we have the ammo.

By which point all the shooting's over.

No, get out now with a salty re-frame.

This is your standard-issue
basic-bitch corporate raider

versus a fuckin'
legendary force of nature,

Hurricane Logan.

STEWY: He had a fastball once, but...

Now. Today.

Karolina runs the words past Shiv.

STEWY: Yeah, Vaulter.

- STEVE: Yeah. Okay.
- Vaulter. He paid too big...

- Right.
- Huge disappoi...

It's a huge disappointment.

Do you think they suckered us?

- KENDALL: Who, Vaulter?
- Uh-huh.

No, we went deep on that. We... We...

kicked the tires good.

I think we got chiseled.

Revenue projections down and down.

I think we got screwed.

Yeah, me too. Massive
fuck-up, Ken. Huge.

Unforgivable.

Right, I want the response out today.

I need Vaulter fixed.

All right?

So I have something to say in
my fucking investor meetings.

- Go.
- Okay. Me?

Both of you. One who fixes it...

gets a cookie.

You got it. Sure thing, Dad.

I... I just wanted to
say thank you for, um...

closing down the park for us.

Sophie...

she's having a great birthday.
She got to meet Snow Joe and...

So thank you.

Look at you, broken robot.

Can't even hug your own kids.

Yeah, I saw that, you freak.

LOGAN: Pinkie.

Happy?

SHIV ROY: Yeah. Smart.

Uh, let me know if you need anything.

♪ (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

♪ Succession 2x02 ♪
Vaulter

Bye, Marilyn.

Bye, Mondale.

You know what? I don't care.

This empty wall.

Here. I don't care if
it's incredibly gauche,

but can we not just have a
big, beautiful portrait of us

up there?

- Shiv.
- Mm?

- Too Saddam?
- Mm.

- Too Assady?
- Mm.

Okay.

(SNAPPING FINGERS RESTLESSLY)

(SIGHS)

- You good?
- Am I good? I am great!

I am great. I'm good.
I slept well and, uh...

Yeah, you know your thing
about us? Uh... (SIGHS)

I think I've contextualized it...

- It's not really a thing.
- No, no, no, sure.

I just feel like, "Okay, you know,

if I'm the king and you're the queen,

maybe it's fine to...

fuck the odd peasant."

- Right. Yeah.
- Because... Because...

Big picture: our plan is right on track.

- You know?
- SHIV: Uh-huh.

And you've... you've
seen Gil's numbers, right?

And... And as of today,
I'm right in at ATN.

You know, belly of the beast.

So...

- Hey.
- Yeah?

You wanna bang? Right now?

Cheeky little breakfast bang.

- Oh... I'm...
- Wanna?

I'm just such in a
different mental place...

- Okay.
- ... than you right now.

- (CHUCKLES)
- No, sure.

I just feel so incredibly potent.

- Mm.
- You know?

I think it's the new place.

- Yeah.
- You know?

- I feel God-like and horny.
- SHIV: Oof!

Everybody looks, like,
two feet tall to me.

(BOTH LAUGH)

SHIV: Well, you know what? Maybe...

Maybe we should split
from the thing early

tonight and, you know, we can...

- talk, and...
- TOM: Mm-hmm.

- ... everything.
- TOM: Okay!

Okay! My fave. Strategy and a fuck.

(CHUCKLES)

- Okay, bye.
- Have a good one.

Bye, honey.

♪ (MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

So cool. You know they have
their own beehive upstairs?

What is that? Is that, like,
the fucking business model?

Conflict porn and hipster honey.

Ugh.

Oh, shh.

The pretend journalists
are pretend working.

KENDALL: All right, Rome, just cool it.

Let's move nice and slow here. Yeah?

- Mm-hmm.
- Just keep it small and general.

We don't wanna spook him.

ROMAN: Yeah, okay. You
got it. You are in charge.

I follow your lead, fucker.

Larry Yee, King of New York!

What the fuck?

Thanks for making space, man.
I know it was last minute.

LAWRENCE YEE: Ah, dude. Anytime.

Hey, Lawrence.

I heard you were drying
out in a Schloss,

doing shitty yoga with hausfrau?

- KENDALL: Right. right.
- (ROMAN LAUGHS)

Nope.

He is back. He is back,
like a pedo on parole.

KENDALL: Yeah, man, we're
just here for a catch-up.

You know? Super casual, feet
on the table, whatever the fuck.

Just, uh, just help you out.

LAWRENCE: O... Obviously,
I'm always pleased

to get your insights,

but, like, who am I talking to?

Co...

COOs.

Who's in charge here?

My brother and I have
a joint responsibility.

You know, we're sharing duties,

but we're on the same page
operationally. Right, Rome?

I don't know what the
fuck he's talking about.

KENDALL: There's just, uh,

a lot of, uh, crackle
in the air right now.

External pressures
with the proxy battle,

- that whole...
- LAWRENCE: Yeah.

So you're defusing the bomb you planted.

(ROMAN LAUGHS)

Yes, precisely. See,
he gets it. He sees.

We're just here for a
routine health check.

That's all this is.

Where's this coming from?

- It's coming from us.
- ROMAN: It's coming from Dad.

No. What, why are we
dancing around this?

It's coming from Dad.
Dad's worried about you.

Okay.

ROMAN: I mean, come
on, you know how he is.

He doesn't get it. He still has
a plant out in the Philippines

manufacturing Xerox machines.

But he's fucking shrewd.

And, right now...

right now, his giant cyclops eye

is looking in this direction,
and he's feeling like

maybe he bought a
giant pile of bullshit.

So now here I am

to enquire in the
politest terms possible

what the fuck is going on.

Dad thinks maybe you fucked him.

Our numbers were solid
when you bought us,

and they're solid now.

ROMAN: Dude, really,
don't take it personally.

Dad thinks everyone's fucking him.

KENDALL: I know you're on the level.

Help me make him see that.

What do you need?

I need metrics, I need KPIs,

and, uh, I need an office.

ROMAN: Me too, I need an office as well.

Separate from his. Nicer.

It's on, me versus the Peach.

Okay, I'm gonna s...

I'm gonna swing the old meat mallet.

I'm gonna sit on her
right out of the box.

Okay, so I could be calling

for a little bit of
the old punch-bagging,

okay, buddy?

- GREG: Uh-huh.
- Ready to play the bag?

- Y... Yeah, yeah. Give it to me.
- Okay.

What?

What is it, Greg?

Being in at ATN, you
know, it's kinda like

the one thing I didn't wanna do.

Oh, okay. So, what...

Should I have left you at Parks to sink?

I mean, it's...

it's ATN, man. It's the fuckin' news.

- I know.
- It's Logan's G-spot.

I can finger-bang him all night long.

I'm a direct direct report. What?

Sure, just...

ATN?

It's... It's like...

- kind of against my principles.
- Your principles?

Greg, don't be an asshole.
You don't have principles.

Dude, ATN is a very toxic
element in the culture.

Oh, seriously? Okay, name me
one principle that you have.

I don't know, like, I'm against racism.

Bullshit. I'm against racism.
Everybody's against racism.

What else?

- Like, don't lie.
- Fuck off.

- Like, if you're the news, you...
- Fuck off!

- That's your principle?
- Yeah, dude.

Greg, this is not fucking
Charles Dickens world, okay?

You don't go around
talking about principles.

We're all trying to do the right thing,

of course we are.

But come on, man!

Man the fuck up!

(MUTTERING) Okay, I am manned, man.

Here comes Cyd.

Hey, Cyd! The Peach!

The legend!

Oh, Tom!

- Tom!
- Hey!

It's great to have you aboard.

I know that this is gonna be

a really productive collaboration.

I just hope

that there's no... weirdness

with our fuzzy boundaries, right?

Are you kidding? If you...
If you wanna go fast,

go alone. If you wanna
go far, go together.

- Right?
- Exactly.

Yeah.

- Come meet the team.
- Amazing!

You wanna lead in there?

Oh, fuck no.

- You lead, Tommy.
- Okay.

You mind if I big-ball the first one?

Do it! Your funeral, buddy.

- (APPLAUSE)
- SPEAKER: Thank you, thank you.

So did he actually even see my draft?

Uh... no.

In the end, I just thought
the draft Kelly and I did

had more, uh, goodness.

As in... ?

As in it had the quality of being good

rather than the
attributes of being shitty.

NATE: Um, just also re
Kelly, little sidebar.

Can you not tell people about us?

Oh, but there is no us.

Right. but there was an
us, and the problem is,

my wife doesn't know about it.

Oh, but my husband
absolutely does know about it,

so I guess that's,
what, it's your problem?

We had the affair.

We didn't have the conversation

about telling people we had the affair.

I'm sorry, Nate, did you
want a conference call

to discuss how to tell
your wife we fucked?

- (APPLAUSE)
- GIL EAVIS: Thank you, everyone.

Great event. Great event.

Thank you, everyone, so much.

And the polling!

My God! I mean, nobody's
getting carried away,

just one set of numbers,

one pretty big set of
numbers. (CHUCKLES) Right?

Right, so thank you. And
testament to your faith.

Thank you. Please,

indulge yourselves in some, uh,

gluten and melted cheese. Why not?

- (LAUGHTER)
- Thank you, thank you.

- (APPLAUSE)
- GIL: Mm.

Hey, uh, how was the call?

Great. They're eating
out of my ass crack.

Offered me use of the
fucking jet on the weekend.

Uh, yeah, I mean, the legals are wonky

and the optics are shitty,
but (CHUCKLES) go ahead.

Look.

You don't look a gift
Boeing in the teeth.

Right? Right?

- No.
- I'll be so much fresher.

Excuse us for a second. I just wanna...

Ma'am, listen.

Long road to travel and all of that,

but the compass points
to Pennsylvania Avenue.

I have to start thinking
about appointments.

I'm thinking about Chief of Staff.

Uh... Oh, wow.

- Yeah.
- (CHUCKLES)

I mean, can you imagine the look of fear

in their eyes when they
see you coming at them?

Those corpulent old white fucks.

- (CHUCKLES)
- Huh?

How's that for a carrot?

Hm?

So that's where we shape the debate.

Ooh, cool shit.

And I love the way the
debate keeps on getting shaped

like a burning cross. (LAUGHS)

You don't share our news values.

Oh, I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. I get it.
I'm from the Midwest.

You know, my mom's friend,
Deb, weighs, like, 300 pounds,

and she's pissed as fuck
about practically everything,

so, you know, trust me,

I'm down. I get it.

Besides, what Logan
wants, Logan gets, right?

Logan doesn't set our news agenda.

Oh. (LAUGHS) No, of course he doesn't.

I know, it's so weird, huh?

He happens to own a news company

and they say exactly what he thinks.

If Logan had to tell me

or any of my news editors

what to run or what the angle was,

we would be fucked.
That is not how it works.

This isn't mind control.

We hire people who want to work here.

and we serve a demographic

of highly, highly intelligent viewers,

who are really tired

of being patronized elsewhere

by latte-sipping douchebags

with hundred-dollar haircuts.

You've got the cool job title,

you've got freedom of movement.

Why don't you take a
look somewhere more comfy?

Entertainment?

'Cause this is where the action is.

This is the profit center.

The median age of our audience is 68.

The ads are all adult
diapers and shit pills.

Our lead in the news demo has halved.

You know, maybe I can

lend a hand to take a
look at some of that.

You know,

he sends me one of you every four years.

- That train is never late.
- Interesting.

And tell me, these others that he sends,

were they his son-in-law too?

I'm curious.

Efficiencies, Cyd! I'm
here to trim the flab.

Have you told Logan this?

I spy savings, Cyd.

Oh, good, Tom.

That's very good.

Because I run a pretty tight ship.

So...

good luck to you.

I'm sure you've got
him very, very excited.

I hope you can deliver.

Well... (CLEARS THROAT)

Thank you very much.

And, uh, fuck you.

And, uh, I'll catch up with you later.

Not on your dying day, baby.

Greg, I need you on the ground.

- Oh.
- Okay?

I need you to be my
representative on earth.

I want you to... I want you
to go on a mission for me

and body-shame ATN,

find the fat and point it out.

Yeah, like, how?

Like, find the excess, okay?

Find the extraneous Danish,
the surfeit of stationary,

the... the lazy cleaner,
the mail guy who walks slow.

Okay? Snuffle out waste, pig man.

Okay, I'll do the penthouse,
you do the basement.

- All right?
- Yeah, yeah, you got it.

Wait, uh, which are these?

You know what? I'm not sure.

Let me go check.

Keep it coming. Fuckin'
drown him in paper.

Good night, Kendall.

Night, dude.

What's he doing?

ADVISOR: I dunno. Reading?

Thanks, useless.

Drink your smoothie and shut up.

Actually drinking the smoothie...

I can give you 52 seconds.

ROMAN: Well, I'm in at Vaulter.

Yeah, so?

Yeah, so, let's fucking game this out.

Roman, we are in a proxy war.

The plane has just been hijacked,

all the engines have
fallen into the sea,

and the pilot's hair is on fire.

Gerri, come on, I need something.

Kendall's doing shit.

Okay, how about this: you do shit.

What have you got?

One idea: pivot to video?

Yeah, they tried that already.

Can you just come over?
I want you in the room.

Can I come over?

Yeah. Could... Yeah...

Fuck you!

Fuck you.

ROMAN: Excuse me, folks, um,
could I maybe interest you all

in going for one of those fuckin'...

IPAs that looks like
run-off at the carwash?

Is he in the chair?

(TV PLAYING)

Hey, Dad?

(TV MUTED)

I need three independent
women. Know any?

Uh-huh.

The board?

Be great if one was in
a fucking wheelchair.

(SHIV CHUCKLES)

Black, white, green, pink.

A Cambodian landmine
victim, if you know any.

Yeah, be the change you
wanna see in the world.

You're a real beacon of hope, Dad.

LOGAN: Mm.

What do you think about Pierce?

Buying? PGM as a defense?

I... Honestly, I think that's
chasing the white whale.

Again.

It's never gonna work,
it's not a good fit.

Uh-huh.

SHIV: Dad, I was wondering
whether we should...

talk.

You know, about...

It wasn't a dream, right?

Are you kidding? I'm excited!

(GROANS)

So, let's talk.

Should you go, or shall I?

Uh, well, I have some ideas that I...

Siobhan? What a surprise. He never said.

- SHIV: Hi.
- MARCIA: Hi.

LOGAN: Just a pop-in.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Pinkie was telling me how, um...

Connor's moved into a hotel in the city.

I saw.

He sent out his email bulletin
with all the photographs.

He rents a room, he rents a girl.

Can you check if Richard's
turned off that fuckin' Alexa?

Not just off, unplugged.

I've got enough spies after
me without Bezos in here too.

Okay?

Right.

(FOOTSTEPS MOVING AWAY)

LOGAN: So...

here's how I see it.

Come in.

Six months with Gerri,
six months with Karl.

Hong Kong for, say, another 12.

Uh, Berlin, or London.

Management training program for six.

Come back, spend 12 months alongside me.

And when you're ready, I'll step aside.

Wow, Dad, that's a lot of months.

It's an appropriate amount of months.

Also, management training program?

Roman's COO.

You have a toddler with a hard-on

for chief operating officer,

and I'm going through a
management training program?

You're a young woman with no experience.

A woman. That's a minus.

Well, of course it's a fucking minus!

I didn't make the world!

SHIV: You make a small part of it.

If that doesn't work for you, what does?

That's a fucking... That's
a three-year timeline.

Okay.

So why don't you come in tomorrow

and spend the day with me?

Oh, Jesus Christ, Dad.

What?

I need time, I... I
haven't even told Tom yet.

- Tell him.
- And there's Gil.

I have a job, I can't
just come running to you.

What is it, Siobhan,
too slow or too fast?

Because I'm fucking confused.

Dad, I want this.

It's just about the process.

Okay.

SHIV: Okay?

So... you wanna get into it?

Not now.

I'm busy. Proxy statement.

You didn't give me any warning.

- All right.
- I mean, you know,

tomorrow night could work?

- That... Yeah.
- Tomorrow?

Uh... (BLOWS RASPBERRY)
Yeah, let me take a look.

Oh, is that no good for you?

I'm around.

- I'm excited.
- Mm-hmm.

Me too.

I'll get back to you tomorrow...

- on the names for the board.
- Mm-hmm.

- Love you.
- I love you. Goodnight.

All right.

I haven't got all day.

GERRI: Agenda is Vaulter.

We need a way forward
on the Vaulter problem

ahead of investor
meetings in two days' time.

Do you want to present jointly or... ?

Ken?

Yeah, I'll take it.

Um, so, I've spent the last 36 hours

on a deep dive into the
drivers of the business.

Headline is, it's a body pit.

Uh, they have mass of
data with no analytics.

There's no way of telling
what's a hand and what's a foot.

But it's still a killer business.

The platform, the brands.

Uh, ethos and culture are leading edge.

And, um, in my view, it's fixable.

It's funny how these fuck-ups

always make the bottom line look fatter.

All they need is adults in the room.

Accounting team, analytics team,

and, uh, investment.

We burn 50 million for a few years,

we... make it the best
thing in the world.

Oh, is that all?

Well, you always say
"Gotta burn to turn."

Romulus, what's your read?

You know, it's interesting, Dad,

because I hear everything
that he's saying,

and it actually... It almost
sounds like a good pitch.

But... I call bullshit.

I spent some time down there,
and I'm just not seeing it.

Now, I don't know exactly
what they're doing,

but they're fakes.

Fucking beehives, almond milk, and...

"Take another week on
that report, Matilda."

It smells wrong,

and they're hiding shit.

Speaking of hiding shit,

I took a couple of their staffers out,

I got them shitfaced,

and apparently,

they're looking to unionize,

and fucking soon.

Oh, yeah?

ROMAN: Pay transparency,

bargaining rights.

Just nasty, tangly shit.

And it's not a body pit,

whatever the fuck a body pit is.

It's a fucking muesli pit,

and doesn't fit with
our core, you know...

values.

So now I'm thinking we
just shutter the fucker.

Close it? That's chunky.

Come... I mean... He doesn't
know what he's talking about.

That's just insane.

The write-down on that would
be what? It's a bitter pill.

Come on, I mean, i... i...
in the middle of a proxy fight

when we've got Stewy and
Sandy taking out full-page ads

in the Journal attacking
us for pissing capital up the wall?

It... It... I mean,
it makes us look weak.

No, it makes us look ruthless.

And actually, I do know what
I'm fucking talking about.

Dad, what the fuck are we doing?

Show me the bloat anywhere
else in this company.

Where is it? You show me.

Show me the waste

that we're letting these
fuckers get away with.

Fine, so we restructure
them and we grow them...

ROMAN: I think if we don't
shutter it, then we gut it.

We carve that shit like a pumpkin.

How?

You hive off the profit center,

you keep the domain name, the archive,

um...

Gut level, Dad,

this thing is not coming back.
They're fuckin' assholes.

Dad.

Vaulter can be our lodestar.

Th... This is... This
isn't the time to retreat.

Your brother's right. Gut it.

Okay.

LOGAN: Roman,

I want you on the
proxy battle with Gerri.

Kendall,

you think you can gut Vaulter for me?

Or you need help?

I'll take care of it, Dad.

♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

(TOILET FLUSHES)

(CHUCKLES)

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

CONNOR ROY: Uh, you
know, when Willa told me

about moving to New York for her play,

I thought, "Ah, I don't
want to move to the city."

(WILLA CHUCKLES)

CONNOR: "I wanna stay on the ranch.

Maybe I'll get me a new girlfriend."

- (LAUGHTER)
- CONNOR: I'm kidding.

(WILLA CHUCKLES)

WILLA: No, I mean, it's true.

It was pretty hard to wheedle
the old man out of the dessert.

(LAUGHTER)

But, um, we're here now

in our, um, not-so-humble home...

hotel. Um.

But, uh, friends, family, please,

you know, feel free to drop in anytime,

and, um, don't worry about all this,

'cause it's on our tab. (LAUGHS) So...

Okay. Great.

Cheers! (CHUCKLES)

Okay. (CHUCKLES)

Hey, Con, thank you so much

for taking care of the
sliders and all this shit.

Yeah, and the champagne.
It's very big of you.

And I love what you haven't
done with the place as well.

Yeah, well, you know we
got a really good deal.

And rehearsals are
right around the corner.

Plus, I needed a place in the city

'cause I'm gonna start ramping up soon.

So I needed campaign headquarters.

(COUGHING) Wait.

- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

- Are you still doing that?
- Very funny. Yes.

I'm still applying for the job

of President of the United States.

WILLA: Oh, good for you.

Yeah. Do you...

Do you think that that's
like a natural progression

from "never done nothing, never,"

to "most important job in the world?"

- CONNOR: Well...
- Like, could you maybe

get a little experience at,
like at a CVS, something, first?

Yeah, yeah, or just, like,
nickel hand jobs under a bridge.

- Start small.
- You guys have big plans for me.

Place is a time machine.

It's like 45 minutes every
time they need file tape,

all the way to some warehouse in Queens.

Okay, so?

So, I don't know. I mean...

How come it isn't digitized?

The whole of ATN, it's
totally analog, Tom.

So I could fire people?

Correct? If we did
this? If we digitized?

I... (SIGHS) I mean,
you'd be removing, like,

two links from the production
chain of every show.

- But would it be...
- Okay, okay, okay.

But... but in terms of skulls,

how many skulls, do you think?

- That we can lose?
- Yeah.

I dunno. I... I guess, like, 30 or 50?

Fifty skulls?

I'm slavering, pig man!

Fifty skulls is a lot of skulls!

Yeah.

I know, it's goo... It's... tons.

Oh, look at this fuckin' prick.

Yikes, I almost feel sorry for him.

SHIV: Oh yeah? Why?

ROMAN: Just emptied the
contents of his scrotum

at Dad's feet.

We're gutting Vaulter.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

Is that a good idea?

Fucking great idea.

It's Kendall's baby, and
now we're gonna burn it.

(SNICKERS)

Hey, um... So, we we're thinking, uh...

me and, uh, Tabitha and I,

uh, that we'd like to have
you and Tom over for dinner.

Uh... sorry, what? Do you...

Roman Roy, did you just
invite us to dinner?

Oh, fuck you. All right, shut up.

Yes, I did. Metro poser bullshit.

(HIGH VOICE) Napkins and chitchat.

Ooh, race relations. Kale.

Hey.

Hey.

Do you reckon if I called room service

and asked them to poke
me in the eye, they would?

It's pretty unbearable in there.

Can I get a drag?

Yeah.

I hear Dad's got Vaulter in a crosshair.

Roman?

(SCOFFS)

He shouldn't be talking
to you about that.

Just seems like a bad move to me.

I'm just saying, I always liked it.

Yeah, well.

Dad's right.

Are you with him on this?

He sees everything, Shiv.

You have a hard time
finding a happy medium

between worshipping him
and wanting to kill him.

Huh?

(SHIV LAUGHS)

(GLASSES CLINK)

- The Vaulter thing.
- TABITHA: Mm.

Gutting it.

What if it's the wrong thing?

I thought your dad agreed with you?

Uh, yeah, he did. And
now they're doing it.

They're actually doing
the thing that I said.

TABITHA: Fuck.

Think maybe you just did your job.

Shall we get some more champagne?

I mean...

It could be right. It might
not be, but it could be.

Maybe I'm smart.

Sure.

Maybe.

You did a thing.

Mazel tov.

You know, I'm gonna...

I'm gonna schedule
some time with your dad,

and take him out for dinner
and wine him and dine him

and make love to him
with my ideas, you know?

This could be huge, Shiv.

SHIV: Tom, I think...

I think we should talk.

Uh...

You wanna get out of here?

Okay.

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

TOM: Is this about ATN?

Hey, you... you want something?

I'll get you something.

(CORK POPS)

(GLASS CLINKS)

TOM: Ooh, that's a biggie.

Is this about the arrangement?

Look, Tom, it's...

no, it's Waystar.

This is never gonna happen,

and I don't even trust
him, and even if I did,

I'm not even sure that I would want it.

But, uh...

he offered it to me.

To be next.

Dad.

Oh.

- Oh my...
- Mm.

Shiv... when?

SHIV: Uh, the Hamptons.

TOM: The Hamptons?

Oh, my God, Shiv, that's...

- That's like a week ago.
- (SHIV SIGHS)

Congratulations! What the fuck!

SHIV: (LAUGHING) I know!

I mean, I... I... I
don't know what to think.

Holy shit! I mean,

this is... huge!

S...

- So, I mean, do you...
- Want it? No!

And I don't even trust him, so I...

Because I thought that it was something

that we wanted for me...

- We do.
- ... to have it?

- We do!
- That was... I mean,

that was just the plan.

That's st... still the plan.

Me is just a modification of the plan.

TOM: No, sure.

It's q... quite a big modification.

But d... d... so, did...

d... did he...

We... Uh, paint the
picture for me. What'd he...

He asked me, and I said yes.

But only as a play.

TOM: Totally.

So what was the play?

SHIV: Well, he's asked
before, obviously,

and this time was real...

so...

I thought I would be
deleveraging power if I said no.

Exactly. Yes.

Tom, this is 100 percent
not going to happen.

But it's smart to say yes, right?

I am so...

excited for you!

- Thank you.
- For us!

I am.

And you know, it's okay for
you to say that you want it.

I'd support you.

SHIV: Well, look, I mean...

Say I did want it,
w... and I... I don't,

you know, you...

if I was CEO of Waystar, I mean...

(BOTH LAUGH)

I mean, you, honey, are
gonna be something huge.

Yeah.

Sure. Like what?

I... I don't know.

But we'll figure it out.

Yeah, that's for later
on down... down the road.

- Whenever. Just whenever.
- (SHIV EXHALES) Wow.

(SHIV LAUGHS)

(SIGHS)

I mean, it's hilarious, right?

Oh, yes!

- It's fucking funny!
- (SHIV LAUGHS)

BOTH: Yeah...

- Hey, come here.
- Hey.

- Mm.
- Hey.

Oh. Oh, now?

- Mm. Why not?
- Well, let me just...

Hang on. Let me just
go and brush my teeth.

No.

- No, come here.
- Okay.

I... I hear your brother's
running for president.

Maybe we should get him here.

He seems like the... the serious one.

Right. Lawrence, we have a problem.

- (LAWRENCE CLEARS THROAT)
- Okay?

My dad wants to shut you down.

- What are you talking about?
- Yeah.

But I don't want you
to worry about my dad.

Okay? I can handle my dad.

The fuck you talking about?

I know what's going on here.

Right? It's a... It's a...
It's a Potemkin village.

I mean, the engagement and bounce rate

have been inflated and
fucked around so much

they're impossible to verify.

your share stats, the... the churn,

the SEO traffic KPIs are all bullshit.

I mean, you suckered me
in, and, uh, I bought it.

We had a couple shitty traffic months...

Uh, Facebook changed their algorithm.

Uh-huh.

- We got face-fucked, okay?
- All right.

We're turning the corner now.

Okay.

O... Okay.

What? Yeah, o... okay.
Is... Is that real?

- From Logan?
- Look, I can fix this.

Okay? But no more obfuscation.

No more shitty data.

I need the full, fiber-optic,
clear-channel shit.

CT scan the whole
place, and we move fast.

Okay.

Do you like double-crossing your dad?

Oh, that's your favorite.

Isn't it?

I'm of the opinion he can be
persuaded he's making a mistake.

- Okay?
- Okay.

Oh yeah, w... Uh, one more thing.

I... I... I need everyone
to cool it on unionizing.

Okay, they're not gonna do that.

Half of them are about
to sign union cards.

Let me speak to them.

Everyone here fucking hates you.

(TOM CHUCKLES)

I think I can take it.

Hey, everyone. Thanks for...

Thanks for gathering.
This'll just be a minute.

Can you... Can you guys
hear me in the back?

- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- Yeah?

Uh...

Vaulter.

Hey, um... Okay.

Look, some of you might
have noticed this already,

but, uh, just so you're
getting it direct from me,

uh, Waystar management has been
taking a look at the business

over the last week.

But I just wanna say
this to you in person...

I believe Vaulter is the
future of this company.

WOMAN: Sure.

I'm Se... I'm fuckin' s... dead serious.

Just... You can't question my belief

in what you've all built here.

You know, in... in... in
what Lawrence has built.

But if we're gonna come through here,

we need to be light on our feet.

That's why I personally think

it would be a mistake
for you to unionize.

(STAFF MUTTERING)

Just... Just hear me out.

Okay, we will get you

a really punchy independent
arbitration panel,

we'll get you a pay bump.

I know a lot of you are
flirting with the guild,

and I'm just asking you to consider

putting that on ice.

And let's try and
figure this out inside.

We keep it in the...

fuckin' super cheesy,
but in the Waystar family.

'Cause we do not want an
adversarial situation here.

Okay, we want communication,

we want engagement.

So let's all pull together

and go back to your desks

and generate me five, ten, 100 ideas

and hit me and my man here up.

Okay?

Thank you.

Yeah, I don't know, Stanley.

I... I just don't know if I could ever

practically make use of this area.

That's just a mezzanine.
You know, it's just a bonus.

you have a... a living room
with under-stair storage.

GREG: Sure. It's just...

the thing I need storage for
most urgently of all, Stanley,

is me.

You know? I'm... I need...

I need storage for myself.

- Dude, it's just a bed.
- (PHONE BUZZING)

You're overthinking it.

Kendall?

Totally.

Yep, on my way.

So?

It's a maybe.

Hey, Ken?

KENDALL: Yo.

Hey.

GREG: I got the stuff.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

So, what do you think?

Uh, of this? I think...

it's...

huge. It's, um, it's a very large space.

What's the... what's the footage?

Uh, I don't know.

Developers overestimated demand,

so I bought all five units
and my guy's gonna flip 'em.

Yeah, 'cause i... it's...

an abundance of footage.

An embarrassment of... of footage.

Yeah.

It's yours.

I... I mean, until the
market starts to move,

- but...
- Until it starts to move.

No, I'm serious.

- Yeah.
- Like...

Yeah, you live here now, Greg.

(SNICKERING) Okay.

Uh, cool. Yeah.

I can take a lot in terms
of psychological pain, so...

Yeah. Sweet, I live here! Nice.

I'm totally serious.

Yeah, I know. I needed
a place to live, so...

Now, uh, now I got it!

Uh, here's your key.

Until I get a doorman downstairs.

I'm not fuckin' around.

Like, it's just gonna be empty.

- It's not a big deal.
- Kendall.

What, dude?

This is fuck... Th... this is...

Dude, thank you.

So much, man.

Wow. I mean...

- Look at these ceilings.
- Yeah.

Nice height, you got big windows,

- a lot of light.
- (GREG WHOOPING)

Yeah. Have you ever had your own place?

GREG: Fuck yeah.

I was thinking we
could hang out tonight.

- Yeah.
- Like, in here.

- Sure.
- Have a little party.

Sweet.

- (ELEVATOR DINGS)
- ROMAN: Hi!

- ALL: Hi!
- Tom Wambsgans.

SHIV AND TABITHA: Hi!

- ROMAN: Manly handshake.
- TOM: Manly handshake.

(ALL CHIT-CHAT AWKWARDLY)

- SHIV: Uh...
- I have this...

overwhelming urge to either
knee someone in the vagina

or spit on the floor.

Hmm. He's been a little
bit nervous about tonight.

Nervous, come the fuck on.

For din-dins with
firecrotch and normcore?

Please.

TABITHA: Well, come on in!

Have some champagne.

Enjoy our beautiful room.

Could spend your whole life
here. That's how I figure it.

Born on the couch and cremated in here.

Can I get a Diet Coke?

Oh, Tom has a cold,

and he wants everyone to know.

SHIV: Oh.

Well, we could send out for some saline,

we could stand around and
watch you do a nasal wash.

No, no. thank you. I'm good. Thank you.

I'm hearing some stories
about that brother of ours.

Apparently...

You wanna actually drink that?
'Cause I got some stronger shit.

- SHIV: Yeah.
- ROME: Do you like Japanese whiskey?

- SHIV: Yeah.
- ROMAN: I've got this one

that tastes like fucking dragonpiss...

You should try swallowing something.

Like honey.

I'm fine, thank you.

Word is he's on maneuvers again.

Making all kinds of promises
about keeping Vaulter open.

What? Does Dad know?

Uh, hell no, Dad doesn't know.

He's a shenaniganizing piece of shit.

But the thing I keep
turning over in my mind is...

do I tell Dad?

Because if I drop the shoe on Ken now,

he's crushed forever.

Uh... (EXHALES)

If Kendall's going
rogue, then... let him.

Sooner or later, it's
gonna blow up in his face.

I love it when it blows
up in people's faces.

- You do.
- I do. It's my fuckin' favorite.

I like how this is working.

Us. I see a future here.

Yeah. Sure.

- No, me too.
- Yeah.

'Cause, you know, there's an opening.

Yeah, see, no one sees me coming.

But I am right on the shoulder.

If Dad announces
tomorrow, he announces me.

Has to, there's no other option.

I mean, it's fucking insane,
but I am the best he's got.

Yeah.

Unless... There is one other.

Who?

Shiv, should I be worried about Tom?

(SHIV LAUGHING) Tom?

No, you don't need to
be worried about Tom.

Okay.

All right.

How's news, Tom?

Challenging.

Tough row to hoe, but, you know...

think I see a way out.

- It's good, yeah.
- ROMAN: Yeah?

A way out. Good for you, man.

So what is it, this way out?

Oh, it's early days, and I... Yeah.

I haven't even discussed
it with Logan yet, but...

Oh, so it's a secret?

That's fucking exciting.

When are you gonna tell
him, at the sleepover?

Well, um, no.

We're-looking in...
Well, I'm looking into

digitizing ATN.

Like, a total overhaul
of the... of the legacy

analog infrastructure.

Yeah.

Making a lot of
productivity gains as well,

so I think your dad
will be pretty pleased.

Fuckin' A.

Look at the corn-feeder.

Going all synergies and shit.

- Yeah.
- ROMAN: Nice.

Worth a shot.

Thanks, man.

Where do you buy your
suits, by the way, Tom?

Like, maybe that's why

I'm just not moving as fast as you.

I just don't have that,
like, boxy, corporate look.

Right?

I mean, I'm sorry, but, like,

what the fuck? You
look like a Transformer.

Like, wh... what's wrong
with your body, man?

Rome, come on. There's
nothing wrong with his body,

it's just fuckin' suits.

What? Come on, we... we've
laughed about it before.

- ROMAN: You have?
- Yeah.

He's thrifty, and he has
the worst taste in suits.

Totally has terrible Ta...

You look like a divorce
attorney from the Twin Cities.

It's partly the walk.
It's like a real...

- ROMAN: Robot?
- No, agricultural walk.

(ROMAN AND TABITHA LAUGH)

Agricultural walk!

You know, I tried to get,
uh, one of his suits tailored

- by the guy that Dad uses.
- ROMAN: Mm-hmm.

- But he just looked so, like...
- Hey, Shiv? Fuck off.

So, I'm probably just gonna
sleep in the guest room

so I don't keep you awake.

SHIV: Uh, are you kidding me?

What? We'll both sleep better.

SHIV: Tom.

Come on.

We've just... We've gotten...

tangled up, okay?

Honey,

you're the only one I can
talk to about this stuff.

I need you.

- Now, I have a choice...
- TOM: Mm-hmm.

... to make. It's either Gil,

or it's Dad.

And it's a bit of a headfuck.

Okay.

Well, let's break it down.

'Cause here's what I've been thinking.

- TOM: Mm-hmm.
- What if a good person...

ran Waystar?

Yeah, I know. Waystar, it's...

You know, it's the family business.

It's your inheritance.

But, you know, you saw what
your dad did to Kendall.

There's gotta be a chance
he'll do the same to you.

Get bored of you once he's got you.

I dunno. Maybe it's about

keeping your options open, Siobhan.

Oh, yeah. Yes.

Can you not just...

see how it goes and
keep the plates spinning?

Go Dick Morris, run
things from out back?

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

That's the play.

KENDALL: Okay, where
are we on office two?

I wanna be operational by tomorrow.

They're outside right now.

Let's go.

- KENDALL: IT's on their way?
- JESS: Mm-hmm.

They know where it's
going, seventh floor, right?

♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪

We all set?

Three minutes.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Okay, guys.

Everybody, if I could
just have a second.

I just wanted to update you
on a couple of developments.

Uh, some of you may have noticed

servers are down.

And we're setting a
satellite office on seven.

And I'm afraid I have to inform you,

you are all dismissed.

(SCATTERED LAUGHTER)

Yeah. You're... You're all fired.

So, if you can leave your
laptops where they are,

and hand in your passes,

security will be coming around now.

I've been through
everything you've shown me.

Food and weed,

those are the only two verticals

driving revenue, so
we're folding them in

and, uh, yeah, you're all free to leave.

This is a joke.

KENDALL: You have 15 minutes
to gather your belongings

and exit the building.

Separation agreements will
be handed around shortly.

One week of severance per year served,

with full non-disclosure.

Post your little videos.
You get three days.

What the f...

KENDALL: Unused vacation
days will not be reimbursed.

Health benefits will be terminated

at the end of the month.

That's it.

I'd like to thank you
all for your hard work.

LAURIE: You piece of shit.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- Is that all you got?
- SCOTT: Fuck you.

Fuck you, man!

LAWRENCE: Hey. Hey!

Kendall, what the fuck are you doing?

What the fuck is going on?

Yeah, sorry about the,
uh, cloak and dagger.

I just needed some time
to untangle all your shit,

find the profit centers,

keep the union off our back.

We're already fully
operational on seven.

- Why?
- Because my dad told me to.

LAWRENCE: Because your dad told you to?

Jesus Christ.

Because your dad told you to?

You... You fucked it, bro.

Uh-huh.

Go find some other chicken coop, cunt.

LAWRENCE: What...

Are you fucking kidding me?

Because your dad told you to!

Are you a fucking idiot?

Kendall!

♪ (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

Yo, Ken. Yo, how's it going?

All good, Greg.

Just, you know, looking for
love in all the wrong places.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah.

No, dude, exactly.

Listen, Ken, I was, uh,

super wiped and I... My
legs are just killing me.

And my lower back.

So do you think you could maybe
bring the party up to yours?

- Up to mine?
- Up to your place.

Yeah, I don't think so, Greg.

You know, I'm just, like...

I'm looking for pussy like
a fuckin' techno Gatsby.

Hell yeah! That's...

Hell yeah, man. Um...

There's also... some of
your acquaintances are maybe

humping in my bedroom?

If you c... Or...

Can talk to them...

GIL: I might like to go for a run

sometime tomorrow, if
we can make a space.

I need to test the hamstrings...

But no paps.

I don't need another shot of
me looking like a used dick.

MAN: You're him, right? You're the guy.

So they tell me.

(MAN LAUGHS)

Good to meet you, man! I like you, man.

GIL: I'm nothing
without people like you.

- (MAN LAUGHS)
- GIL: Hey,

you and me, when this work gets done,

we go get a beer. What do you say?

- (LAUGHS) Yeah!
- Okay?

- Yeah. Cool.
- All right.

- Great to meet you. All right.
- MAN: Yeah, yeah.

Hey, you want some gel?

Sorry?

Some Purell, for your hand.

How long's it been since
you touched a prole?

No thank you, Shiv.

Oh, come on. I'm... I'm kidding.

The joke being what, exactly?

That I wanna sanitize my hand

after I meet with a guy in the street?

Thank you. No. I'm good.

Yeah, it's a pretty shitty joke, Shiv.

GIL: I'm just saying

that I think that maybe we need to be

more respectful of the working folk.

Even internally?

- I mean...
- Okay, yeah. I get it Gil.

GIL: I don't want us
to fall into that trap.

No, I... I'm sorry, Shiv,

but I just think that maybe
you like in a kind of a bubble

and this kind of joke is
okay around your family

and friends.

Don't fucking give me that.

Excuse me?

Don't pull a guilt trip on me
'cause you're selling your soul.

I'm sorry, do we have a problem here?

Jesus, Shiv, you need
a banana and a nap?

I think maybe we continue
this conversation in private.

SHIV: Why?

You don't want him to know

you've still got my
dad's cock in your mouth?

I was discussing an
arrangement you recommended.

Oh, yeah, you did. Didn't you just, y...

Certainly discussed it.

GIL: I don't understand.

You're riding me over a
deal you told me to take.

Took it pretty quick though, didn't you?

Rolled over really fucking fast.

And now you're taking
reach-arounds and...

flights on a 787.

Where's this coming from, Siobhan?

I'm sorry, I think
maybe we should just...

reassess.

Perhaps I... Dick Morris things,
operate from the background?

GIL: Uh-huh. Okay. Yeah.

No, you know what I think?
I think you're right.

I think we need to reassess
more comprehensively.

SHIV: Mm-hmm.

I think Nate is right, that your...

connections to Tom, ATN, are...

a distraction.

Oh yeah? Well you know
what? Actually, I'm out.

Actually, I just fired you, Shiv.

If you'd even noticed.

Well, I already fuckin' quit,
if you had any antennae.

KENDALL: Okay, it's done.

Vaulter's dead.

Four-hundred and
seventy-six off the payroll,

full-timers, freelance...

I, uh, negotiated an
early break from the lease

and hired an editor and five interns

for the two remaining verticals.

the rest will be user-generated,

reviews, upload pics, all that stuff.

Also, I harvested a ton of ideas

from the Vaulter staff before they left.

IP and start-up ideas.

Most of it's, you know,
bullshit but... you never know.

We'll say you tried to keep it alive.

Valiant efforts, et cetera.

I'm good. I'll wear it.

(PHONE BUZZING)

I should take this.

- Yeah?
- SHIV: Dad?

I told Gil.

I'm ready. Let's get started.

Start... looping me in.

That's great.

I'll be in touch.

KENDALL: Everything okay?

LOGAN: Oh, yeah. Usual headaches.

Hey. Should I be in this?

LOGAN: Roman,

your brother's gonna be
working in here from now on.

Oh, yeah?

LOGAN: I need him
across the proxy battle.

Can't afford communication slips.

Okay?

What are you waiting for?

A kiss?

Fuck off. Be gone. Bye bye.

Yes? Can I help you?

Fuck you looking at?

You did good, son.

Thank you.

Make yourself at home.

♪ (PIANO MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

LOGAN: Comfortable?

Hey. Can I get a pack of
American Spirit Yellow?

One of these.

(FOOTBALL COMMENTARY
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

♪ (PIANO MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪

GERRI KILLMAN: There
were some doubts as to...

whether an acquisition is
really what we need right now.

It is. The bigger the better.

And I have it.

- ♪ (MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
- SHIV ROY: This is a disaster.

We need to stop him.

Could you sit out the
corporate retreat this year?

Nah. It's a morale-booster.

Someone spiked the deal.

Which one of you boys did it?

Here's news: I... will... win.

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪