Succession (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Shit Show at the Fuck Factory - full transcript

While Roy is in the hospital, tensions rise when backup plans should be made by the family.

Rava. Hey.

Uh, my dad's...
My dad's in the hospital.

Yeah, he had, Idon't know...
I don't know what.

But, uh...

Yeah, I don't know
if he's gonna be okay.

It's... Yeah.

So...

I don't know. I'm here with Jess.

We're just trying to get there.
What the...

Can we just find a way
around the traffic, man?

Just figure it out. Please!



Where's the ICU?

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(HEART MONITOR BEEPING)

What's the situation? Can somebody...

Excuse me.

They're working on him.

What is this part of the hospital?
I mean, is this the best section?

Uh, excuse me? Doctor, is this
the best part of the hospital?

Sorry. You know, we just,
we need to know.

The ICU is the ICU.
This is the best place for him.

Is this where
you would take your father?

I'm sorry. Can the team
have some space? Please?

Hey, here's an idea. Why don't you
worry about the medicine,

not the fucking feng shui?



Let's let the gentleman do his job.

-DOCTOR: Thank you.
-Come on.

-Let's do this for Dad. Come on.
-Thank you.

Sorry.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Do they know who we are?

-I don't know.
-Are they sandbagging us?

-Do they know who he is?
-I don't know.

-Shall we call Mom?
-SHIV: What?

No. There's like
a million people to call.

She'd probablyjust make it
about herself, anyway.

Oh, come on. Your mom's a maniac,
she's not a monster.

Folks, we need you
to wait through there, please.

Yes. Hi. I'm sorry.
We're getting mixed messages here.

We have no clue what's going on.

We will be with you
as soon as we have an assessment.

Okay, well, that's not good enough.
We need to know what's happening. Now.

The socio-economic health
of multiple continents

is dependent on his well-being.

"The socio-economic health
of multiple continents"?

(DOOR OPENS)

Kendall. Everyone.
We have an area we can go to.

They'll keep us posted.

(KENDALL GROANS)

KENDALL: So, look, take me through
what happened exactly.

Uh, I don't know, exactly.
It was weird.

It happened fast,
we were just sitting there...

SHIV: We were just talking.

...we were talking,
Shiv kind of started

-hard-balling Dad...
-I wasn't hard-balling him.

A brain hemorrhage doesn't come
from some chit-chat, asshole.

So it's definitely a brain hemorrhage?
Is that what they said?

ROMAN: Somebody said that,
right?

-Somebody said hemorrhage?
-Or stroke? I...

-ROMAN: The ambulance...
-A stroke is a hemorrhage.

-It is?
-Yes.

Did someone say "hemorrhage,"
or is itjust us who said it?

It could be an aneurysm.

Why aren't we chasing this?

chhase.

CONNOR: Hey, uh, is there any...

Did Dad ever talk to any of you guys
about cryogenics?

You're insane.

Look, I don't want to be given
the runaround

by Dr. fucking
SUNY Purchase Medical School here.

We need to know
who the top players are, okay?

Who's the top dog in this hospital?
Have you talked to Dad's neurologist?

Kendall, stop acting like
the king of the hospital.

We're all trying to do our best,
so just fuck off.

I'm on it. Okay?

According to this,
it sounds like a stroke,

but it could be
an acute subdural hematoma.

Great. Get in there
and operate, Dr. Google.

CONNOR: He once talked
to me about cryogenics.

What? Wouldn't thatjust be typical?

All the other billionaires
are strolling around in new bodies,

but not Dad, because we were

too embarrassed
to actually discuss it.

KENDALL: He didn't talk to you
about cryogenics.

-Yes, he did, Kenny.
-You talked to him about cryogenics

because you're obsessed
with cryogenics.

-I'm not really, Kendall.
-And what he didn't tell you,

-and what I'm telling you now...
-Yes?

...is that you are an idiot.

Sticks and stones, Kenny.

Yeah, I know. And on
his birthday, too? It's so shitty.

MARIANNE: (ON PHONE)
So, what’s happening now?

Are you staying at the hospital?

I guess.

I mean, I think I've got a job,
but I don't know.

Logan said I did, but Marcia
was the only one to hear it, so...

And then he tragically,
you know, like, whatever.

Well, what sort of job?
Is it a good job?

I don't know. Like, could be anything.

And I have, like, 20 bucks left.

The world is so fucked up.

I am not sending you
any more money, Greg.

-Step up.
-I'm not asking you to send me...

Look, just make sure about the job.
All right?

-Hey.
-Yeah, I know.

Hey, do you have cash?

Oh.

Yeah, uh...

-No, just my last $20.
-That's fine. Thanks.

Um...

-I just got mugged by Shiv.
-(VENDING MACHINE WHIRRING)

NARRATOR: (ON VIDEO) Born in humble
circumstances in Dundee, Scotland,

shortly before the outbreak
of the Second World War,

Logan Roy grew up in poverty,

but died one of the richest
and most powerful men in America.

His widowed mother
took the decision...

KENDALL: It's an ATN obituary.

They want us to okay it
in case they have to run it.

Is it nice?

I mean, it's made by
his own news division.

Doesn't say he was a prick.

CONNOR: I know you're busy. I know.

-You want to watch it?
-No.

(CONNOR SIGHS)

I would really love to see you.

Yes, it's appropriate.
It could hardly be more appropriate.

Okay?

Yeah, okay. Okay, good.

-Hey, Jess?
-Mmm-hmm?

There's nothing in here about our mom.
Or Connor's. They need to be included.

Yeah.

Um, PJ says Aziz Kahn at Mayo Clinic
is the best there is.

Sarah says Ann Wieman at NYU.

Ann Wieman? Is that...
That's not who I have.

Well, it's the name I have.

Can you tell Sarah to give her a call?

Sure.

-SHIV: Hey, Roman.
-Uh, do you have regular?

SHIV: No, I've got...

Now I'm strapped.
Was there any change at all?

CONNOR: Oh, hey, you guys.
SHIV: What?

Could I have the change?

What is this? Already?
People are sending shit already?

It's from Lawrence Yee at Vaulter.

Call him and tell him
that is not fucking appreciated.

JESS: Mmm-hmm.

-Kendall, I'm so sorry.
-Thank you, Gerri.

Can you give me five? We need to talk.

Over here, okay?

Obviously the nominating committee,
the board, has a plan

in the event
of Logan's incapacitation.

Sorry, do I need to
hear this right now?

You do. In the event that we, uh,

continue on our trajectory
of his current consciousness,

we're gonna need to announce a plan

by around 6:30,
before the markets open,

in order to avoid
a lot of funky chowder.

Did you say "funky chowder"?

-We've set up down here.
-What have you set up?

Well, you're gonna want a place
to just be, and chill, you know.

Um, we talked to some of the trustees
of the hospital,

so everybody knows who's who.

Yeah. It's not a war room yet, but...

-But if we need one, it's available.
-Yeah.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

KENDALL: Jesus.

Uh, so, there's a bathroom
through there.

-Hi, Karolina.
-Hi.

Thank you, guys.

So, I have Dewi and Asha from
the nominating committee on the line.

Kendall's here,
and you're on speaker, guys.

DEWI: So sorry to hear about the news.
ASHA: Likewise.

As you know, our standing plan

in the event of Logan's absence,
(CLEARS THROAT)

is to separate his CEO
and chairman roles.

DEWI: You'll become acting CEO,

Frank stays on as COO.

We’ll need to act fast.
Stabilize the stock price.

Dewi? Dewi?

I'm sorry.

My dad is my focus right now, okay?

GERRI: Of course, it'sjust that, um,
there's a problem

in terms of the optics

if what happened earlier today
between you two gets out.

I'm sorry, I don't know
what you're talking about.

Sure. Well...

DEWI: And then, there's
the problem with Frank.

As in?

Logan fired him and promoted Roman.

Roman?

(SIGHS) Jesus.

Look, I'm sorry, (STUTTERS)
I can't get into this right now, guys.

No, no, of course.
You are in no fit state.

But here's my take, okay?

My dad got sick today, right?

I don't know, I mean, nobody knows

when he started
acting out of character,

but, like, he didn't seem great
from the morning on,

and there's no paper
on any of the moves made today.

Right, Gerri?

Uh...

Nothing meaningful.

KENDALL: Yeah, it was words.
Words are just, what?

Nothing. Complicated air flow.

So...

I mean, if I was saying
what actually happened today,

it would be nothing.

Well, that certainly makes things
simpler from our point of view.

Do you think you can get
the family behind it?

Yes.

And Frank?

Sure.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Dude, can't wejust talk here?

ROMAN: You know Connor's
invited Willa down?

Ugh. What? Here?
What's the deal with their deal?

Uh... Unlike me, he has
no sense of boundaries.

-SHIV: What the fuck?
-It's stale, but it's empty, I think.

-Hello?
-You wanna do a play?

No, um, Ijust wanted to...

I've been thinking
that maybe this might be

really tough on Marcia.

Yeah, you're thinking that?

What, will she put all her inheritance
into gold or oil?

No, Ijust... No, |... (SIGHS)

Look, I know that, like,
the trust only comes into play

if certain things happen.

SHIV: (CLEARS THROAT) Yeah, he's dead,
or brain dead.

Yeah, but I was thinking, like...

Wouldn't it be nice for Dad to wake up

and for all of us to have signed,
like he wanted?

You know, like a nice gesture?

And if he doesn't wake up,

we've basically signed over to Marcia
the power to choose the new dad.

So...

Okay. SO, for the record,

you are declining to sign
on the change of trust?

-For the record?
-Yeah.

What the fuck is this, McCarthyism?

I'm not declining, I'm just not...

I'm not "clining." What the...

Okay. No.
Okay, just, you know, thatjust seems

very shitty under the circumstances.

What circumstances?

Well, you did make
her husband's brain explode.

-Fuck you, man!
-Ow!

-(GASPS) Fuck you...
-Wait, stop it!

-Stop it!
-You shit!

ROMAN: What, are you fucking insane?

(BOTH GRUNTING)

-No!No!
-(SHIV SHRIEKING)

SHIV: Get off!

He...

He doesn't deserve this.

It's just so unfair.

He's a great man.

He, like, let me
come to his birthday lunch.

And he offered me a job.

Right?

He doesn't deserve this.

And so, if there's anything
that I can do, let me know.

-Actually, there is something.
-Okay.

Can you go to the apartment
and get his bed things and slippers?

The ones with the dark checks.

You don't mind?

No, no. I'd be

respectfully, uh, somberly willing.

Thank you.

-Now?
-Please.

Okay. All right.

Marcia, we can get Colin or the driver
to go and get his things.

(WHISPERS) I don't need this fly
buzzing in my face.

Slippers, slippers, slippers,
slippers, slippers.

(SOFTLY) Yeah, don't fuck it up.

Fucking long legs. Greg!

-Hey, I need a favor from you.
-What's up?

Um, Dad had some papers
he wanted us to sign,

and they're in some envelopes.

Just pick them up at the house,
and bring them.

-Yeah. Um, where are the papers?
-Yeah.

They're in the house somewhere.
They're just in envelopes.

They're just in the house. You got it?

-Okay. Iwas imagining...
-You're fucking tall.

This is hurting my goddamn neck.
I have to go, okay?

Just find the papers,
and bring them back.

Papers, and...
They're gonna be just...

I am so done with this conversation.

-Just handle it, okay?
-All right. Yeah.

DOCTOR: Better not fuck this one up.

I don't want Logan Roy's newspapers
going through my trash cans.

(MACHINE WHIRRING)

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

(SCREAMING ON VIDEO)

-Oh, my God! We've killed...
-MAN: Logan.

We 're bastards!

Turn that off.

Roman, no. Turn it off.

-Oh, my God! We've killed...
-Logan.

We 're. ..

What are they saying?

Just rumors, you know.

He was taken to the hospital,
some of Twitter says he's dead,

and also a good deal

of rejoicing
at our father's potential demise.

Can we find out who these fuckers are
and, like, report them?

Orjust, like, screen grab their shit.

-Okay.
-So we know? Yeah?

CONNOR: So, I don't know
where Kendall is, but...

Hi. Really sorry, you guys.

Thanks, Willa.

Why don't we sit over here.
There's Ken.

That's gross.

ROMAN: Hey.

News is out.

KENDALL: Okay, right. Well...

So, um, listen.

I don't even want to think about this,

but I just spoke
to the nominating committee, and...

The thing is that the plan is
to announce that I take over from Dad.

-Well, no.
-Excuse me?

-What do you mean?
-I mean

we're waiting for the results
of the scan.

It's a pointless conversation.

Okay, well, let's talk about it.

I can't talk about it. I'm upset.

Hey! I'm upset too.

Not too upset to go and fucking plot
with the suits.

Fuck you! Okay?

I could hardly hear them
for the blood rushing in my ears.

SHIV: Isn't there
a plan anyways? Like...

Yes, there's a plan.
That's what I'm fucking telling you.

The plan is that Frank and I
will take over...

-Frank was fired, so...
-SHIV: Yeah.

(STAMMERS)

Okay. Well, I mean, let's discuss,
and just see where we are, right?

I'm not doing this.

If Dad dies,

I don't want to be talking
about this shit when he dies.

He won't die.

GREG: Yeah, this is great. Thank you.

Hey, man.

Uh, sorry, I'm really sorry,

but I don't have any money
for the cab.

I'm sorry, sir. Do I know you?

Yeah, I was here a little earlier.
I got assaulted a little in there.

Um, so can you pay
for the cab, please?

She was supposed to call,

but maybe she didn't because
there's an emergency happening.

Sir, I'm sorry,
I don't know who you are.

Um...

Okay, so he's not gonna
lend me the money.

So I don't know, um...

You know, pretty much,
he owes you your money.

DRIVER: He owes me the...

You better give me the money, dude.

You guys need to
work this out for yourselves,

because basically one of you guys
hasn't got $14, okay?

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Yes, ma'am. Hello, Mrs. Roy?

(SOFTLY) Knock-knock.

Thank you.

(EXHALES)

I'm so sorry.

It's so weird.

I actually like hospitals.

Lots of people don't,
but they're safe.

The weird thing for me
is that I was, well...

I'd been intending to talk to Logan,

you know, and make a proposal,

a very decent proposal, to Shiv.

Actually been meaning
to ask for his blessing for a while,

but now, it's very difficult.

You need to find the right time
for these conversations.

Right.

The weird thing I'm thinking now is,

do you think Logan
would still like to be asked?

You know?
I mean, I know he can't reply,

but would he appreciate the gesture
if he was told about it later?

Or even in the case...

In the case of the worst case,

would it have been nice
to have asked his body?

REPORTER: (ON VIDEO) Rumors continue
to circulate about the health of...

Hey, hey. Uh, they're ready.

They have the results.

Okay. Fuck.

Is he okay?

Yeah. Yeah. He'll be fine.

He's probably in there
eating a fucking chicken bucket

and yelling at someone.

He's had a hemorrhagic stroke,

a bleed in the deep right hemisphere

that put pressure on the thalamus
and the brain stem,

and that's what caused
a loss of consciousness.

So, what, do you operate?

We don't do that with deep bleeds,
especially in older patients.

-He's not an older patient.
-Dude, hejust turned 80.

But physically, he's, like, still
in his 70s, and he's in great shape.

The evidence is that
operating in situations like these

isn't worthwhile.

So, then, what do you do?

You can't do nothing.

Well, we will carry out
regular observations,

and hopefully
we'll see some improvement soon.

That's not good enough.

Right, Dr. Judith? That's...

It's an excellent department.

Well, thank you for your input,

but you'll understand
if we check out our options.

My assistant's been in touch
with Ann Wieman at NYU,

and we might move Dad there.

No. He stays here.

He gets better here.

Well, we can discuss.

-We'll discuss and get back to you.
-No. No discussion.

I am his next of kin. I am his proxy.

I am in charge. Thank you.

Good. Well, we'll move Logan
to a suite in Greenberg.

I'll show you the way.

I'm sure you have some questions.
Feel free to ask me on the way up.

(SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE)

-l'm sorry, Ken.
-Thanks for coming over.

Okay, so look.

We don't know what's going on.

He could be fine, he could not.

Either way, he's not gonna
be back tomorrow,

so long story short,

will you carry on as COO,
step up on the board...

-Become acting chairman.
-Yes.

-No.
-What?

(SCOFFS) He fired me, Ken.

He... I...

Look, I don't know
if he even knew what he was saying.

-If his brain was working.
-His brain was working fine.

Well, whatever else,
there's no proof, legally,

-that yesterday even happened.
-That's not the problem.

-So what's the problem?
-I don't want to be chairman.

I am just an attendant lord,
here to swell a scene or two.

What the fuck does that mean?

Come on, don't do that.

We could do great things together.

FRANK: Mmm-hmm.

So what do you need, Frank?

(CHUCKLES) A jazillion dollars
in unmarked bitcoin.

I don't have a price, Ken.

-Frank, I don't understand.
-We'll talk.

There's a lot of mess
to be cleaned up, Kendall,

but you can do it, son.

You can.

And there's nothing I can say
to change your mind?

(SIGHS)

I'm sorry about your father.

And good luck, Kenny.

(ENGINE STARTS)

(DOOR OPENS)

I told Greg to bring
the change of trust.

-What?
-And when he does,

I think we should sign it.

I'm not doing anything
without my lawyer present.

Okay. Well, I'm going to sign it,
I'm getting Connor to sign it.

It's gonna make you look
pretty fucking heartless

when you don't.

Don't give me a fucking scary look.
You hit me, Iwill fuck you up.

(THUDS)
-Ah.

-Fuck.
-Yeah.

God, you're so annoying.

Shut up.

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

(LINE RINGING)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

-Hello?
-SHIV: Greg.

Hey. Did you find those contracts
Roman asked for?

Uh, I... Yes, Igot them.

-Oh, I think you have the wrong ones.
-Uh, okay.

Um...

Right. What...

What Shall I do?

(CHUCKLES) Look,
there's a lot of confusion.

'Cause if you have any doubt,
maybe you can't find them,

and that might be simplest.

But if I do, 'cause

I think I have the right ones here.
They have...

Don't bring them in.

Did he change his mind?

No. I'm just telling you.
Don't bring them in.

Okay. Okay. All right, I get it.

So, who’s the...

Like, what's
the chain of command here?

Are you the more senior sibling?

Greg, it's simple.

This is a favor
I'd like you to do for me,

and I'd like you to be discreet.

You stay for a while,
you can't find them,

you come back. Okay?

-Okay.
-Thank you.

This is better.

KENDALL: Uh...

Look, so, I know you don't want
to talk about this.

I'm just informing you,
Roman as a board member

and Shiv as a shareholder,

I'll be taking temporary charge
as CEO and chairman.

Frank is not interested
in the position at present.

No. I'm sorry, but even if
we were talking about this,

which we are not,
it wouldn't necessarily be you.

I'm sorry, then
who the fuck would it be?

I don't know. Anyone. It could be me.

(KENDALL CHUCKLES)

Are you insane?

Dad made me COO.

Uh, I don't think so, dude.
Dad wasn't thinking straight.

I think he was.

-You? The Chief Operating Officer?
-Yup.

I mean, if that wasn't a Sign
he was loco in the coco,

I don't know what is.

Well, I don't see it that way.

Come on.
It was a negotiating position, Rome.

He was fucking playing you

to get you to sign
the change of trust.

Do you even know
what it fucking involves?

I mean, he conked out mid-game.

Are you calling me a dipshit?

No. I love you, man,
but you're not a serious person.

All right, fuck you. He's alive,
you're not the fucking boss.

All right! Come on.
Let's not throw shit around.

Look, we're in the middle,
so let's just sit tight.

No sudden moves.

Well, we need to move.

The markets are gonna want to know
who's behind the wheel.

We need to control the narrative.

"Control the narrative."
You probably yell that when you cum.

"Oh, control the narrative!
Oh, control it.

"Control the narrative!" (GROANS)

Fuck you. We're in a hospital.
Everyone knows.

We have to say something.

No. Actually, we don't.
'Cause no one knows how serious it is.

So we don't have to say anything.

Actually, we do. The SEC.
There are rules, there are laws.

Oh, no! The law!
Well, we can't break the law.

SHIV: Hey, Karolina?

Has a CEO ever been out of action
and people haven't been told?

Um...

Not that I can think of.

-There was Apple, but that...
-Right, but if we

wanted to drag our feet on this,
until we figure the moves.

Well, once we do know,

there's a duty to shareholders
to let people...

Yeah, but I don't know what we know.

I mean, this could be
an allergic reaction.

-It could be the flu. It could be...
-Oh, come on.

Look at the fucking orchids.
This is out there.

It's like we're being held hostage
in the Honolulu airport.

But if we wanted to say something,
you know, other than...

It's called a lie, Shiv.

When you say the thing that's not,
that's a lie.

We'll need to make
a holding statement.

Of course, I'm open
to your suggestions

on how to finesse it.

Perfect. We'll make a decision
and get back to you shortly.

Okay.

(DOOR CLOSES)

REPORTER: (ON TV) Logan Roy, CEO
and chairman of Waystar Corporation...

(SIGHS) So, what do you think I do?

Well, I don't know. What did she say?

Roman said bring in the papers,
Shiv said don't bring in the papers.

Well, I guess you need to decide
which one of them is more important.

I guess Roman's in the company,

but Shiv seems like,
I don't know, more bossy.

All right. Well, can you just take
some of the papers?

Plus, I don't know
about these slippers.

Like, they're all plaid.

Does "checked" mean plaid?

'Cause then there's gingham,
there's tartan.

It's like a crisscrossed
fucking minefield.

MARIANNE: Oh, fuck the slippers, Greg.

You have to strategize.

I'm trying to strategize, Mom,
with you.

But you won't strategize.

(CELL PHONE BUZZING)

(GRUNTS)

Hey. What's up, Kendall?
You mix me up with your sponsor?

Listen, I'm just calling
to issue a reminder.

Your pecker's in my pocket, okay,
Dickless Dickleby?

You do what I say.

Let others say what they want,
but we stay dark.

You get me? No reporting
on what went down yesterday,

the turmoil.

Well, I can do whatever I want,

because Vaulter
and our satellite sites

have editorial independence.

As set out in that piece of paper
you signed.

You know what that piece of paper
is to me?

Nothing. Okay?

I'd jerk off on that paper
and send it to you as a greeting card.

Simon says, "Mum's the word. "

Motherfucker.

Hey. Sorry to bother you so late.

Hey, let's put something together
about the Roy family shitshow.

SHIV: So, and I don't want
to get into this,

but maybe we should just cut off
the whole Kendall CEO thing

so that it doesn't get painful.

Well, I mean, I'm not looking for it,
but I guess I'm already COO,

so one more step...

It's not gonna be you.

-Because?
-Come on.

-I don't know what that means.
-Yes, you do.

Well, it doesn't matter who does it.

It's just temporary,
so anyone will do.

Yeah, sure. Anyone.

-Tom.
-Tom?

(LAUGHS)

Okay, fine.

Karl.

(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)

ROMAN: Prick.

-Eva?
-Mmm. Cunt.

Okay. SO, who?

Someone Dad trusts.

But Dad doesn't trust anyone,
except Frank,

and he fired Frank
for shits and giggles.

-Gerri?
-(EXCLAIMS)

I don't love Gerri.

-But I don't hate Gerri.
-So, Gerri.

I'll talk to her.

(GERRI EXHALES)

So, Gerri. How you doing?

Oh, I'm fine.

This is where they brought Baird,
so it's a little...

Bahd?

Yeah, Baird. My husband.
Shiv's godfather?

Oh, does he, um...
With the tortoise?

-Yeah.
-Fuck, yeah, of course.

-How is he?
-He's dead.

I know. I know. I remember.

You...

So, Gerri,

just wanted to say thanks for
captaining us through this shitstorm.

Um...

You do a good job, Gerri, you, uh...

You're, um, a real good job-doer.

I suck at the whole
corporate flirt thing.

You know, Ijust...
I like to lube up and fuck, you know.

-Okay.
-Okay.

So, um...

For me and Shiv,
the whole Kendall thing doesn't work.

So we were thinking, general counsel,

you know where the bodies are buried.

You probably buried them yourself.
(GIGGLES)

So,

you would have the family's support
to step in and take the reins.

Oh, that's a very generous offer,
but I'm going to have to decline.

Um...

Okay. Can I ask why?

Why I don't want the job
that makes your brain explode?

Okay, but, um...

Uh... (CHUCKLES)

Gerri, excuse me,
but I've always thought of you,

and I mean this
in the best possible way,

as a stone-cold killer bitch.

Who says you don't know how to flirt?

(TEXT MESSGAE CHIMES)

Okay.

Hey.

Can I get a moment alone with you,
do you think?

-l...
-Hey, have you seen this?

I'm so sorry about your father.

Thank you. Would you give us a minute?

Yeah.

-Thanks, Willa.
-Mmm-hmm.

Tom, would you mind?

Come on. I'm not the same as her.

Ken.

(SIGHS)

Vaulter's running a story
about how the company's in turmoil.

Don't we own him?

(SCOFFS)
"Shit Show at the Fuck Factory"?

Yeah. Uncertainty, discord.
That is not a good story.

"Family gets behind
other member of family,"

that's a good story.

Oh, fuck them.

I mean, when Jobs was dying,
Apple didn't say anything.

We're in a hospital, Shiv.
Everyone knows.

We can'tjust prop him up
and wave his hand

and say he's fine
like they did in the Politburo

or Weekend at fucking Bernie 's.

I like the sound of that, though.

(SIGHS) Look, you can't put a value
on a human life,

except in our case,
you rather precisely can,

because when trading opens tomorrow,
we're gonna drop like a stone.

The only question is,
what's the bottom?

I think I'm the best option.

I just want to say
that if you need me to

go get sandwiches or coffee,

or step up from Regional Parks

and run North America,
I can and I will.

And that's just an offer
on the table...

-Fuck off, Tom.
-Fuck you, Kendall.

-Don't talk to Tom like that.
-It's okay. It's fine.

I was about to be announced.

I mean, how can I
not be the logical choice?

Because you were
about to be announced, Ken,

and then you weren't.

I mean, the only thing
we know for certain,

like, for absolute certain, tonight,

is that Dad didn't want you
running the company.

So if there was a list
of seven billion people on this planet

that Dad would choose to be boss,
we know you would be last.

Dad fired you, man.

No, he did not fire me.

He said it was just gonna
take a little longer.

But he said that to be nice.

What I think he meant to say

was that he wished that
Mom gave birth to a can opener,

because at least then
it would be useful.

You're a dick.

-That's. ..
-Too far?

Look, the board
are offering this to me.

I don't actually need your backing.

CONNOR: Yeah.

-You actually really, totally do.
-I think you do.

Yeah.

Without it, after what Dad did to you,

I mean, we could probably
take any appointment to court.

Jesus, Shiv, we're talking
about court now?

Fuck you!

I didn't even want to
talk about this, remember?

Look, what do you have against me?

-Nothing.
-Nothing?

Oh, you want me to actually say?

Yes, I do.

You lack killer instinct,
you're wet, you're green,

-you're intellectually insecure...
-Bullshit.

...you're not emotionally
strong enough,

-you have addiction issues...
-That's enough!

I don't think all that,
I'm just trying to be Dad's voice.

Bravo. It was an excellent impression.

I just want to say
I'm not getting involved.

-KENDALL: Good.
-But Shiv's right.

I'm not saying Iwould make
a better CEO, that's unsaid.

It's not unsaid when you say it.

No, I'm saying I'm not saying it,
so, in fact, it is unsaid.

Hey, pal, why don't you go
help Willa with her homework?

Ouch. Asshole.

Listen, why don't you
decide everything?

I don't care. I just observe.
I'm a UN white helmet. All right?

Guys, who else are you gonna get?

I think Shiv would be great.

That's what I think.

(CHUCKLES) Thanks, honey, but...

No way.

I mean, she doesn't work
in the company,

and has no experience of the company,

and the markets would freak,
but apart from that, I agree with you.

I mean, we have options.

Sure. You could all ask for morphine

so you can stay in your
painless fucking fantasy world

where the orchids dance

and the company is run
by a magical fucking unicorn!

Fuck your options.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

-Hello, this is Greg on Greg's phone.
-Greg. How you doing?

Yeah, I'mjust... Not dawdling.

You're still at the fucking apartment?
You've been there forever.

Uh, just...

I know you're picking up
PJs and all that shit.

Just grab a sweater, maybe, also.
My dad's, okay?

-Okay. Which, uh, sweater?
-It doesn’t matter.

Not something washed.
Something that he's worn, maybe.

-If you find one.
-Okay, yeah.

If he's worn it, if...
How am I gonna know if it's worn?

Just smell it. Okay?

Jesus! I just want something
that smells like him, okay?

| just want that.
Is that enough for you?

Dude, that’s really nice.

I would want that
if this was my situation, too.

So, um,
I'll sniff some stuff for you...

Just... Whatever.
And if you tell anyone about this,

I will cut your dick off.

And don't forget those papers
I told you to bring.

And, uh, thank you. Fuck off.

(CELL PHONE BEEPS)

(BELL TOLLING)

(CLATTERING)

(DOOR OPENS)

I apologize if my bell summoned you.

(ELEVATOR DOOR OPENS)

Hey.

Hey.

-lt's like 4:00 am.
-Yeah, I couldn't sleep.

Put the kids to bed and thought
I was missing all the fun, so...

How are they doing?

-The kids?
-Yeah.

Um...

They're okay.

Maybe you could
bring them by tomorrow.

So they can say their, you know,
say their hellos.

-Yeah.
-Okay.

How are you feeling?

Good. Yeah.

Yeah. (CHUCKLES) How am I feeling?

Fuck. Ask me another?

-Jesus, what a day for you.
-Yeah.

The nominating committee
want me to be the big boss.

Really?

But Shiv and Roman won't back me
because of what Dad said at lunch.

(CHUCKLES)

Jesus.

Yeah.

Oh, your family is so fucked.

I'm sorry, but... Wow.

I'm sorry.

Um...

Ken, I...

(CHUCKLES)

What can I say? It's... I don't know.

Adrenaline.

-It's just my body.
-Mmm-hmm.

(SNIFFLES)

Hey. I'm glad you're here.

Yeah. I can tell.

(WATER RUNNING)

(EXHALES)

-Hey. Look. Stop. Stop.
-Not now. I'm not in the mood.

There's something
I have to say to you.

-What?
-Siobhan Roy...

Oh, my God.

...will you marry me?

What the fuck? Seriously?

I love you.

And I wanted to do something
to make all this better.

And I thought,
while your dad's still with us,

wouldn't that be a nice thing?

We can get a quick wedding.

What is it about my dad dying
in a sterile environment

that screams
"big romantic gesture" to you?

Well, it's a horrible day,
I thought it would be a nice thing.

Tom, you can't
balance it out like that.

I'm not gonna give you a blowjob
when your dog dies. Right?

TOM: Yeah. Okay.

It's fine. I misjudged it. I get it.

No, I'm sorry. Honey, I'm sorry.

I'm... This is...

Let's just not have this
as the moment.

Why don't you do this again
properly another time?

No! Exactly. This is not the moment.

This didn't happen.
Abort. Abort, abort.

Good. Okay.

But so you know...

Uh...

Yeah, whatever.

-Yes?
-Yeah.

-Yes?
-When it happens, yes.

Yes! (EXCLAIMS)

(SHIV GIGGLES)

-Really?
-Yeah. I...

Yeah.

-It's such a shitshow.
-What is?

My family.

Our family.

-Our family.
-Yeah.

Hey, hey, hey.

-(WHISPERS) So, I got the slippers.
-Thank you.

Yeah, I finally found them.

Can you put them in there, please?

Yeah.

So, you got the slippers.

GREG: Uh-huh.

I guess that makes you
Prince Charming.

I guess so.

You saying you want to fuck Marcia?

What? No. (STAMMERS)
Why would you say that?

-That's what you just said.
-No, it isn't.

You said you were Prince Charming.

-No, you just said that.
-I'm kidding.

I'm kidding.

(CHUCKLES)

Okay.

Do you know that, uh...

Do you know that he gave me a job?

-What job?
-I don't know.

Okay.

-Do you know when I start?
-No. Obviously I don't know.

-Why would I know?
-I don't know.

I thought you might know
'cause I thought everybody's talking,

and, like, might be talking about me?

Yeah. No, everybody was talking
about you this whole time.

Everyone was only talking about you,
Cousin Greg.

I get it.

Ha-ha.

Hey. Hey.

(SIGHS) When you figure all this out,
come in and see me. Okay?

And I'll look after you.

All right?

I'm serious. Iwill.

-Sure.
-Thanks, man.

That's okay.

All right, later.

Take it easy, Greg.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Yo, come here for a second.

(CLEARS THROAT)

So, listen. I've been thinking,

and this is my vision.
We go for it, me and you.

CEO and COO.

-Oh.
-Me and my homey Romey.

I thought I was a fuckhead.

Uh, dipshit, and you said that.

-You said I wasn't serious.
-(SIGHS)

-Sorry. It's been a long day.
-Yeah.

But, dude, seriously.

Me and you, bro.

Like, I could teach you.

And you could, you know, teach me.

And Shiv?

I mean, you know what Shiv's like.

Ultimately She's a daddy's girl.
Right?

I mean, she wants to play it safe.

We're the ones with the nuts
to fucking revolutionize.

Okay, I'm not uninterested.

-All right, then, let's fucking do it.
-Well, here's the thing.

Gerri just turned down the top job.

So does that mean something?

-Are you fucking with me?
-Nope.

Who asked Gerri?

It was broached.

-It was broached?
-Yeah.

By who? Did you broach?

-You broached it, didn't you?
-(SIGHS) Don't pin the broach on me.

Okay? Everyone was broaching.

Just want to make sure
we trust each other.

Everything up front, okay?

-All right.
-Okay.

Shake on it or something?

Ofida?

Oh.

Okay.

(SIGHS)

Hi.

Oh, come on.

Hey. Hey, knock it off.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Thank you, Willa.

So, listen, I've asked Roman
to be acting COO...

-ROMAN: Actual COO.
-...to my acting CEO.

-And you said?
-ROMAN: I said, "Why not?"

-Snake.
-Oh, Sis, please.

I'm trying to bring everyone
together here. I'm mediating.

-Well, I'm saying no.
-Me, too.

I thought you were
a fucking white helmet.

Sometimes a peacekeeper has to go
shoot a maniac on the perimeter, okay?

What the fuck? Why would you
say no to this, and yes to Gerri?

Gerri has been with the company
for 20 years. I know Dad trusts her.

Yeah. She's older. She's wiser.
She's a mature person, such as myself.

Uh-huh.

Well, she doesn't want it.

Okay, so in my opinion,
we should find someone else.

-Temporary.
-Okay, like who?

I don't know, someone neutral.

Eva or American Psycho, what...

-ROMAN: Karl.
-Karl. Yeah.

And what if it isn't temporary?

What if he uses his position
to make it permanent?

Because he wouldn't do that.
He's nice. He brought coffee.

KENDALL: Oh, he brought coffee.

Then we should definitely
let him take control of the company.

Dude, he's not gonna
take control of the company.

Look, it's a gamble.

It's either me and Roman,
and us as a family,

or it's Eva and Karl,

or some fuck-face suit
from the deep state of the company.

They could take the company
out of our hands,

and we'd never get near it again.

If Dad wakes up, and he's frail,
and he's looking at the endgame,

you want to be the one who tells him

his family business
isn't family-run anymore?

I mean, maybe you
could get away with it,

-you know, his favorite.
-Oh, fuck you.

KENDALL: But maybe you wouldn't
stay his favorite

if you gave away the firm.

Look, we need a statement by 6:30.

So you just have to think,

like, bullshit aside,

who do you think, really,
Dad would prefer?

What's up, fam?

(STAMMERING) Oh. Yeah.
Did you get the papers?

-What?
-The. ..

The papers in the envelope?
I called you?

Dude. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

So, no, basically?

I was thinking about your dad,

-I was up there...
-Hey, don't worry about it.

My head was just messed up.

Okay. We're gonna have to announce.
Where are we at?

While Dad is ill, the family proposes
that Kendall run the company

with Roman as COO.

I hereby concur.

Okay. Okay.

Uh, I will let the committee know
the family's position,

and pending board approval,
we can announce.

-Congratulations, Ken.
-Thanks, Gerri.

And, Roman, congratulations.

WOMAN: This is all very exciting.
MAN: Difficult decision.

For the record,

I personally believe this
to be a total fucking disaster.

Okay, good.

Uh, Kendall, um, listen,
we need to talk.

I'm sorry, Ijust need to...

I just need a conversation
with you in private.

-What is this?
-Um...

There'sjust, uh,
a few things you should know.

Um... (SIGHS)

Okay, there's no way
to put this nicely,

so forgive me for stating it baldly,
but, um, there's a huge debt problem.

What are you... No.

-Yes. $3 billion.
-No, there's not.

Fuck Off. I'd know.

No one knows. Well, me and Frank.

What about Dad?

Yeah, your dad. Hence the debt.

Gerri, what the fuck is going on?
Where did the money go?

In 1985, Logan needed cash badly
for the expansion into Parks,

so he took out a loan through
the family holding company.

He knew that besides Frank,

none of the other boards members
could see what was happening.

And then, he added that loan

to the company's
already considerable debt.

Son of a bitch.

Okay.

Okay.

We can deal.

Yeah, but, Kendall, the thing is
it's secured against Waystar's stock,

and when the stock hits 130,
they can pursue repayment in full.

Which, if they decided to do that,
would eviscerate us.

Yeah, but there's
no precedent for that.

They'll never do that.
They'll renegotiate.

Well, that depends.

On what?

Well, you see, the banks know
that the man they invested in

can no longer function,
and as far as they're concerned,

you're just some kid with nice hair.

You're making it
quite fucking difficult

to savor this moment, Gerri.

I'm sorry about that.

Don'tjump.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

DR. LEWIS: We had hoped
to see a response by now,

but what we do know is
that he's stable.

So if you want to grab some sleep,
this is a good time.

(SIGHS IN EXASPERATION)

(KISSES)

Night, Dad.

See you soon.