Stromberg (2004–2012): Season 4, Episode 5 - Pärchenabend - full transcript

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
[Achim] Crass... isn't that
your old department, here?

[Stromberg] Hm.

Tanja Seifert, do you know her?


"Prize for initiative
and Innovation"...

3000 Ocken...
uh, not bad...

She has developed an interdepartmental
Billing system developed,

In which the data is processed with..........................

Are you employed here as a radio?

Isn't this your old department?

3000 Ocken... not bad...

[Magda] Well, I know Mrs. Seifer,
has already called here.

[Achim] The recently
awarded Tanja Seifert,

who deservedly
with a small smile

received the certificate,
made after the...

[Stromberg] Tanja Seifert.
The... which is for me n' seal,

The one in the circus.

a ball
on the snout!

That's when everyone says "doll" too.

Yeah sure doll, for'n seal!

But behind it
is the tamer,

who taught the fucking cattle to do that...
with whip and fish.

No? Only, the Dom...

Meal time!

The tamer must of course
expect no applause!

He hangs here somewhere
at the ass of the heath,

and seal Seifert
is celebrated!

[Achim] We want to have a look
look at an apartment.

What, now? And the vacation application,
I'll make it out of bread, or what?

I'll be gone for half an hour at the most.

We want to get married in summer,
the Annika and me.

We don't want to start looking
We don't want to start looking at the last minute.

I'll do it longer today, or so...

There are... there are days...
one has so'n inner November...

I even understand Ernie!

That you don't see any sense anymore...

[Becker] We try the system
here in the house for the time being

parallel to the established one.

[Tanja] This is also so far
only a beta version,

where still a lot
still needs to be done.

[Sartorius] Our IT department.
also has improvements to make,

So I can imagine that we will have that
go nationwide in 1-2 years.

- That would be, of course...
- Yes, we would be very happy about that!

I would love to do that with my colleagues.
soon like to take a look at it myself.

Well, what horny chick is up for...?
Oh, Mr. Becker!

Please? I understood you badly.

[Becker] We had here only `ne small
disturbance. Just keep talking.

[Ulf] So ne Ehe nummer,
You do it because you somehow.

wants to be closer together...

Or not?

Yes just, and we actually see each other

at all, since she...
and by see I also mean...

whereby, that's what it's all about for me
not at all in the first place...

But with my buddy Spritti I had more fun lately
more fun than with her lately...

She makes a full
on queen important!

And because of her new super system
I have even more work now...

[Tanja] I told you,
we can go now.

[Ulf] Yes, but now I am not
not hungry anymore.

I can't
on a conference call

with the head office, according to that,
when you want to go to the canteen...

[Ulf] Xena, the war princess
tells us where to go!

Ulf is just such
a little doofus warrior,

who is on call!
But you can hook that, Xena.

Little pre-marital mood swing?

Ah, somehow... we see each other
hardly at the moment and

if, then... yes...
you've heard...

I am glad that men
are not an issue for me right now.

Does Stromberg know that?

May I?

Ha ha...

He called me this morning
supposedly to congratulate me,

about the price for my system,

but actually he just wanted to
just to sound me out about you.

Should you ask me now
whether I want to go with him or what?

With something like this men
just stay twelve forever...

Yes... Then I'm really screwed.

My only admirer
is a twelve year old caught

in the body of a 45 year old
Insurance branch manager...


Well... well...

Two hours ago it was said
"maximum half an hour"...

[Achim] She thought the apartment was too small.

[Stromberg] At that age the women find
everything too small.

Apartment, car, dick...

With the young things you can
only at my age.

Is still no reason to
to take half a day off.

[Magda] Is young happiness,
needs a little time, a little space.

I can do both
both, job and women.

[Achim] I thought, with you it's just work.
only work, because with the women...

I just did not! She has written to me
because she wrote to me. Look.

- Ok... I'm going to do it...
- Look, I said!

"By the way, you can ask me
ask me how I am doing.

You don't have to
about Tanja..."

No here, "otherwise everything is ok
with Helge and the school went ok."

Because she has
a little son, Jennifer.

Yes, here... nothing is going on...

[Is girlfriend?

Yeah sure, it says here...

Between the lines!

Women always write
between the lines!

Or? Well... Lirum larum. In any case
I go to Jennifer now times

buy a present.

And I guarantee
they will not find it too small.

I am...
back in an hour, at least.

[he laughs]



You have to mark the claims
mark them first. Here.

Man! What are you doing!

I just want to help! Tanja
said, we should do the accounts

in both systems now
and... oh... That's ever...

- Ewww! What the hell is this?
- That's soured milk.

- Soured milk...
- Yes, it's good for digestion....

Great, Ernie...

Well, I find that
really good,

what Tanja has
has thought up...

I have not yet
really understood.

Yes, I do... and so is wrong....

I think this is for you....

It was delivered earlier, the Sybille
opened it by mistake... Here.

This was also there...

"Touch of Love"...

Wait, there was another card somewhere.

"Invitation for a romantic
Wellness weekend, your Bernd".

Oh, that's from Stromberg!

That was also in there.

[Lehnhoff] Uh... XS...



Ah, the Ulf!

I'm looking for Jennifer...
Not seen?

She should be here somewhere
floating around on wings like this.

Because I gave her some!

You are in a mood like a car shit,
what's the matter?

"After work once again to the Becker".

- She is really crazy!
- But totally... well.

Is your owner acting up again?

Here she is chief and at home
then chief dead skirt, ne?

Yes, does not stay out...

Believe what I am glad that I am
the responsibility here again!

When I was still the boss here,

I was idle in terms of women
like the man in the moon, I say.

Now it runs again!

If you calculate that down
to a woman, and then Tanja,

there the hand machine celebrates
but n' huge comeback, right?

[Stromberg laughs]

- [Ulf] Ey!
- Yeah, ey!

Erotic massage oil...

But just so massage... as wellness...
not as fucking...

Yes very romantic!

That's what everyone is doing now...

But not in a bikini
for a Barbie doll!

Yes, excuse me. Do you think
in Finsdorf there is a bikini wholesale?

with 4000 different models?

By a hair I would have given you
instead of the massage oil

I would have had to send you milking grease.

[he laughs]

What was more wrong,
the bikini or the oil?

Oh, Bernd... that was
both not "wrong",

that was only altogether
just a bit...

What is that supposed to be
with us? Now really...

Yes, what should become?
From a man and a woman?

N' piece of cake!


Or. a relationship.

Maybe. So... that's what they call it
nowadays, relationship.

But look,
if you're honest... I mean...

- You and I fit together like...
- Yes! Like...

[he stammers]

I don't know. Like something that
doesn't fit together in any case...

We have nothing in common at all.
Now not even the work.

[Stromberg] Hm...

We have
no common hobbies or...

common interests,

we do not even have
common friends or acquaintances.

[Stromberg] Hm...

That is altogether a little bit little.

[Stormberg] Hm...

Don't you think so?

[Stromberg] Hmmm.


[she sighs]


- I'm going to go up again...
- Yes... yes.

[Stromberg]At Prince Charles
And Lady, um... Di, there... yes?

There would have been at that time.
at first thought also not,

that the two would go together...

Or with Romeo

and. of his Juliet, there!

But that's exactly the point!

That's why he wrote about
who... the... the thing.

About two like pot and lid
there are no plays.


"Heinz and Inge! Nobody wants to see that
see... nobody goes in there.

But: no similarities at all,
completely different,

completely off... that fits!

And that's what people want to see!

And... um...
No mutual friends...

You dear... I mean,
something like that has to happen.

Like Lady Di later with the...
with the... with this Elton John...

[Tanja] What are you doing here?

Oh the... Dings asked me,
if I could do it for her,

with your new system.

- And where is the Anna now?
- Huh?

Ernie, you can't do the work
the work of the others!

I really enjoy your system.
When you work with the tables and...

If you then know from which head
that came out of,

that is really beautiful!

Oh, now I put soured milk
on you.

- What?
- Nah, here...

Ah, wait a minute...


Och, this is now...

Even worse...

I have to continue here
to continue here again...

The sense had been gone... Of everything...

Whether I sit here now, or in the basement.
the shovel falls over...

I thought...
But now,

with the program of Tanja,

that is like...

Well, as a child I also had
phases when I was not so happy,

and then the mummy gave me once
a rosette guinea pig as a gift,

the bimbo.

And then I had to
to take care of it and that... that was nice,

because then I knew
what I am there for and everything...

Yeah, and...

Yes, then the bimbo
fell down very stupidly...

on the tiles...
That was not so nice.

But the way it was before,

so, that's how it is now
with the program of Tanja.

[Tanja] ... when Mr. Becker and I
were in the conference call.

They want to use my system
probably nationwide.

Imagine that!

[Ulf] Hm. You know what I would
I would like to use again?

And this year if possible?

Oh, Wusel,
this is a real chance for me,

That I can somehow get the...

Ne, Wusel on the ass!

And Chance also my ass!

No, come on,
go to your Becker, ey!


[he laughs]
"Wusel my ass!"

Loaded like a shotgun, the Ulf, huh?

Did you eavesdrop,
or what?

Huh? No! I have
just listened carefully, ne!

And Ulf,
he is dissatisfied, Tanja...

I don't think
that this concerns you.

- Come here!
- What are you doing?

What do you think
if tomorrow evening we

have a nice dinner together?

Yes, a little couples evening,
just Jenni, me and you two.


Just do something
with common friends!

That is the basic requirement
for a relationship.

And Jennifer would be
totally happy about it.

She thinks the WHOLE world
on you.

- Jennifer?
- Yeah, sure...

Yeah, nah... so honestly....

- I don't think that...
- Uhhh!

Do you know what Ulf
has just told me in the canteen?

Ulf is thoroughly

A couples' evening?

[Tanja] Yeah, I was just thinking....

With... with Stromberg?

Actually it was
Jennifer had the idea...

[Ulf] Hm?

Who else is coming?
Florian Silbereisen and your father?

We don't have to...

But this morning you were
still grumbled,

that we don't do anything together anymore.

And in the "offside" there is a kicker,
there you have beer, soccer and a woman.

Practically all your hobbies
under one roof.

And maybe it's really good for us
quite good if we get out of here.

A couple's night out...

With Stromberg!

Yeah, sure...

With Tanja and Ulf?

Boa... yes!

A couples' night?

You said,
we had no mutual friends,

and that is not true!

Tanja for example,
she finds you... great!


Yes... I find you of course... um...

I find' you of course more pointed.

That's clear...yes...

If we had for example
already one thing in common.

They just want to
with us.

And in the store there is even n' kicker!

Because you had said,
you wanted to kick again, here.

You remembered that?

But that was weeks ago,
that I told you that.

Yes... you can see, right?

That is why I am recommended
recommended by leading sex bombs, right?

Because I can also listen...


[both laugh]

Marriage is like riding a motorcycle.

You're going in the same direction,

but one has to steer
and the other must cling.

And who steers here in the bang,
that's obvious...

And I will steer in the pub
at table football or what?

Well, boy, many a motorcycle
started as a moped...

Here, came in today,
from the revision.

I am allowed to do all this now
until Friday

into their new great system
into their new great system.


With this I can spend the next evenings
in my hair anyway.

Yes well, but... a motorcycle
you can also do hair...


I said, motorcycle can be
also... [Ulf] I'll do it...

The Ulf, he is stupid

like 3 pounds of stones,
that's clear!


Because you have got it all,
that's what everybody says here.

- Really?
- Yeah, sure...

And especially Tanja. But she finds
you totally super anyway...

No, Ulf...

[Stromberg] I'll give him two more years,
then it will be over.

- [Ernie] Really?
- Yeah, sure!

Sorry, but broken marriages
I can recognize at five hundred meters.

Yes, that's right.

And Tanja, I tell you,
in 2 years, she's back on the market.

And then she knows
who has helped her...

- To Ulf...
- Yes... ne!


Actually yes to Tanja...

and in the end just...


Do you understand?

[Stromberg] Like this!


Yes, nicer than in the ox here.

Oh, there they are already
the two party animals...

[Stromberg laughs]

[he stumbles]


Yes, tonight we will do


I always say : better a foursome in bed,
than a foursome in the lottery, right?

[he laughs]

Come, sit down...

[they feel funny]

Yes, um... also n' champagne, right?

- I'll have an apple spritzer.
- [Jennifer] Me too.

[Ulf] A beer.

[Stromberg] Hmm...


I'm like Jennifer Lopez, right?
I'm best in the back!

Barefoot CAPITOL against Bayern Munich!

[Jennifer] Man, are we bad!
[Ulf] That's not possible.

So far I'm just playing it by ear.
Wait and see when I open my eyes!

So, where is the egg? Watch out!


[Ulf] Wuselpower!

[Jennifer] There we had really
no chance!

[Tanja] We are a really great team!


Oh, that's nice.

[Stromberg] I am rather
so n' inverted peach.

Tough as nails on the outside, but the core
is soft... like butter.

So in terms of women now.

I'm not at that age,
where you could somehow say,

come fuck romance,

lubricate me rather times with the ointment there
my open legs!


I also want
butterflies in my stomach.

And no moths, no caterpillars,
no... Nah, butterflies!

Preferably such Oschis!

When you're right and left
with weddings just too zugesch...

...will shit...

there you ask yourself :
And where do I stay?

Where am I :

[Conversations, laughter]

So kids, here the daddy
brought another slide.

[Thank you!

[Stromberg] Now the right
moment has come.

Jennifer, you're... you're...

you are for me the Michael Schumacher
among the women I know.

- So now...
- Thank you...

Now not from the looks,
or the speed,

but you are simply the best.
So. And since that with both of us.

yes in principle a gedropster....

a dropped is...

- Tanja, I'm in the middle of...
- This comes from the office.

Well, anyway!
I can't work like this....

- [Tanja] Yes?
- [Stromberg] It's...

Something is going on with Ernie.


Ernie, what kind of stuff do you do?

She wanted me to stop
here with typing!

Yes, it is almost ten.

Yes, but...
I wanted to finish this.

and then she comes
and wants the plug...

I mean, she comes from out of town!
She understands nothing!

But Ulf is sitting here!

[Ernie] I don't come to you
to Albania

[Ernie] and say when there is cleaning to be done!

You can not just
just give them a slap!

I didn't table it at all!
I just pushed...

[What are you doing now
on Ulf's place?

I should finish this
because Ulf is too stupid!!

- Has Stromberg said!
- Say ma...

And because you anyway
only 2 years together

and then you still know
who helped you now!

- Tell me...
- He said!

[Stromberg] Tell me, how does it look like?
All clarities removed?

Shall we go back
to our couples evening?

It started so nicely!

[Ernie] You can complain about me now
complain about me now!

Because Tanja is the boss here!

Yes, she doesn't understand that...

[Stromberg] Huh?

[Becker] We have just replaced the service provider
of the cleaning staff.

To have trouble at this point now
is more than inconvenient!

This also hurts me insanely....

More than unfavorable Mrs. Seifert...

Bring the
with Mr. Heisterkamp

as soon as possible
as soon as possible.

You are now responsible
for the department.

[Ernie] Look out!

Okay, who took my sitting ball?


[he whistles]

[he whistles louder]

Hello, umbrella!

- Hello. What are you doing here?
- Yes, I thought I would look...

Now is
quite a lot here...

Tell me, did you really
told Ernie that he...

But now we don't have to
talk about Ernie, right?

Yes, yes. But Tanja
has therefore animal trouble.

Yes, I have
actually already tried yesterday,

but as the
the long jumper always so beautiful,

better is with a run-up!
Therefore now again!

What are you doing now?

Dearest Jennifer...

Anyway, I wanted to ask you...

if you're looking at...

whether you can also imagine
with me in the future through thick and...

Can you please turn that off?

[Stromberg] No...
[he continues playing]

[Tanja] Stand up...

tell me, are you...
are you completely...

Boah ey, that's not possible...

[Stromberg] I even wanted to
actually the guy

with this ship's piano,
yesterday, from the pub...

Because she thought it was so beautiful.

So that she sees
how seriously I mean it.

He wanted to have 150 Euro!

Then I said,
Master, that is...

Jennifer, wait!

Yesterday everything was so beautiful
and now all of a sudden again...

Who can be so stupid?

[Stromberg] I thought,
we could build on yesterday,

and then he wanted 150 euros...

Shall we go home slowly?

I have to finish a report
about Ernie.

Can still take a little while.