Stormester (2018–…): Season 5, Episode 2 - Pepe - full transcript
I can't multitask!
- Take care, Mark.
- Lasse.
- How tight are those pants!
- Eww, how disgusting.
- Why?!
- I can't any more!
- It's damn draft beer.
- Sure.
Welcome to Stormester.
My name is Lasse Rimmer.
I'm the greatest of champions,
and every week I let five celebrities -
- amuse me with their
imaginative attempts to impress.
Who solves my tasks with flair and talent?
Who is terribly wrong?
We get the answer from Linda P!
Simon Talbot!
Sofie Jo Kaufmanas!
Jonas Mogensen.
Tobias Rahim!
I can say about my faithful squire,
Mark le Fêvre, that ...
I notice ...
You've decided not to have lasagna tonight.
What's with the white suit?
I would like us to pack up Mark le Fêvre -
- and get in the process of calling me Pepe.
- Why are you laughing?
- You want to be called ...
- You want to be called Pepe.
- Yes.
Is that your own hair on the chest,
or have you had it glued ...
I'm just saying -
- I hope you enjoyed having Mark le Fêvre -
- as an assistant, because it
might be on borrowed time.
The only thing I hear in
that sentence is "might be".
So all right, we're vying all season
to win the Golden Trophy -
- but there is also something at stake
in each program. Who brought the prize?
- None other than Simon Talbot.
- Yes. Oh! Yes...
If you demand I call you Gonzales,
I'm going to be annoyed.
No, no. That Pepe look, though. It looks
like you're selling drugs on Wish.
I've brought something that
means a lot to me -
- namely the first joke I was paid for.
I won Joke of the Week in an Anders And
[Donald Duck] magazine when I was 11.
- And it's the right copy.
- Is it from last week?
"Dear Donald. Pepe sounds like
someone selling drugs on Wish."
Pepe wants to hear the real joke.
I won't make too much out of it.
Ladies and gentlemen: Simon Talbot!
Fun story. Here the other day an animal
court case is taking place. What happens ...
- An animal court case!
- The premise is better than the punchline.
The monkey has been accused
of bullying the snake.
The snake says, "Stop bullying me
with how I look."
Then the monkey says, "Okay, I promise.
Let’s seal the deal with a handshake?"
And that is ...
Impressive. You have made a
lot of worse ones afterwards.
It's the evidence documenting Simon's debut
as a joke-writer that's at stake tonight.
A Donald Duck magazine from 1997.
Shall we get started, Pepe?
We're going to a world Pepe knows inside and out.
Mark le Fêvre, not so much.
It's about champagne and money.
Hi, Mark le Fêstabe [party monkey].
Nice.
- Pagne and currency.
- That’s some familiar stuff.
- Do you drink much champagne?
- No, I drink no champagne.
One, two, three, four, five, six,
seven, eight, nine. Yes, damn good.
- What do you count?
- I always count glasses when I see glasses.
Old housewife advice.
I have to pull the money out, right?
- "Move the most money ...
- ... from the champagne tower ...
... to Mark's inside pocket."
"Do not touch the glasses."
"Largest amount in Danish kroner wins."
"You have ten minutes,
or until you spill the first drop."
Drop, okay. Nazi!
"Time starts now."
The largest amount in Danish kroner wins,
but there are no Danish.
What the hell are we going to do here?
Wait, is this a Danish thousand?
- I do not know where to start.
- Okay.
Now is the moment.
There's one question I always ask, and then
there's one I would like to follow up with.
Can we just repeat the rules
so everyone is in on them?
You see a champagne tower -
- on which are placed
a lot of foreign banknotes -
- that should be moved from the
champagne tower to my pocket.
You must not touch the glasses
and you have ten minutes to do so -
- or until you spill the first drop.
You will not be disqualified, but time will stop.
And then my follow up question. I saw four
participants, where’s Simon in this whole affair?
This was the first task the participants
encountered in the Stormester's House.
So, what we are about to see is
Simon Talbot's very first seconds -
- in the Stormester Universe.
Here comes Simon Talbot, the stupid dog.
Calm down, boy! For hell's sake.
Not all that energy!
As if it wasn’t enough of a pity
for you, that with the ears.
Back to reality. He's disqualified, right?
I think it's the most dramatic
debut so far in Stormester.
I was ashamed of myself. I've been
afraid of seeing that task ever since.
You should still be ashamed.
I'm going to record your result.
I actually ... We have a clip with you -
- because Simon is not the type to
give up, even though it all looks … -
- really bleak. Let us take a look?
It may be that he can save something.
Wait a minute. "You have ten minutes,
or until you spill the first drop."
"Time starts now."
I'm making a new champagne tower.
What's a Champagne Tower, really?
It's about having fun with friends.
I touch the glasses.
Okay, production team. All your debit cards.
Yes, perfect.
Oh, my God, he's back again!
I would like to say that maybe I spill a little
when I open the champagne bottle -
- and shouts woooh!
I'll own up to that. Otherwise, I'm a genius.
Simon, I note you for a round zero.
Where are we going now?
We are going to Tobias and Sofie, who have in
common thinking they have a super smart solution.
They also have in common being super wrong.
One could look at what is the best currency.
I must not touch the glasses ...
Yes! I will need some straws.
I'm starting down here.
It seems too easy.
- It’s going surprisingly well.
- Yes ...
It foams a lot.
Shut up, I'm a genius!
No, wait ... There was something with drops.
Well, fuck! I wasn't allowed to touch the glasses.
Fuck!
It was a damn good effort otherwise.
Except it was bad.
Yeah, sorry about that.
I grabbed a note from Israel,
and then all the shit collapsed.
Welcome to The Debate on DR2.
And then Sofie, who thinks:
"You cannot spill a drop if
there isn’t one in the glass."
You do discover along the way that a little
runs out of the corners of your mouth?
Well, yes. In the moment I said "fuck",
I just might have noticed it.
But well done for noticing too, Lasse.
Normally that kind of behavior would subtract,
but one cannot get below zero points ...
We are missing Jonas and Linda.
Who are we going to see?
Both at the same time.
"You may not touch the glasses."
Can you remove the first glass?
Just put it over there.
Top glass. Wait!
What the hell are we going to do? I'll go
get something to grab them with. Potholders?
- Yeah ... - Do you have cash?
"You may not touch the glasses."
"Until you spill the first drop."
Mark, come on, move it already.
But it has nothing to do with me.
The task says, "you spill". "You" is me.
Have you not attended school?
Inner pocket?
- And this one too.
- A debit card?
- The code is 3056 ...
- 73.
Like that. I hope it isn’t an expensive suit.
That's probably not the case, I've seen your jokes.
That's it. Then you take the next two.
And preferably a little fast, Mark.
You still have two minutes and 40 seconds.
You don’t have to do it like a child.
You're being such a baby now.
Oh well!
Who has cash on them?
Thank you.
- How much...? Well, okay.
- You don't have any more on you?
- Are you lending a helping hand with the cleanup?
- No.
- How has Jonas fared?
- There are different currencies.
In total, DKK 198.50 was collected.
- 198 is not a bad result.
- Excellent.
- Then there was Linda.
- Yes!
You used Mark as a tool.
I always do. Even when we are not filming.
- How many banknotes did she move?
- All banknotes.
It brings in as much as DKK 641.
But ... there's one tiny thing you should see.
What?!
- The well known movement ...
- I'm acting like a rapper, showing off cash.
It's not really a movement used on dry notes.
Perhaps if you had talked nicely to Mark,
he would have made more of an effort.
I'd rather have zero points
than speak nicely to Mark.
You know what? I cannot hear
such a wish without giving it to you.
- Zero points.
- No!
If it can help you, just think of how you'll
also be bad in the other programs.
It's just ... Try to get used to it?
It's a lot funnier when I’m the mean one.
I can't deal with other people being mean.
Four participants are listed for zero.
That should mean a split second place -
- but you cannot move banknotes to
a value of zero and expect points.
Five points for anyone who
manages to move banknotes -
- before a drop is spilled.
That is Jonas Mogensen.
Over time we have made our fair
share of programs together, Mark.
I don’t do much other than
think of tasks and judge people.
- You do all the hard work.
- Yes, the thought has also crossed my mind.
But we can easily change it up.
No, no, I just wanted to tell you
that I've been thinking about it.
What I'm thinking now is that
I would like to see a new task.
Well so gladly.
Hey, Mark le Fêtish.
- Is it a tablecloth?
- Where is the task?
I'm guessing I'll roll this. I can just roll with ...
Just cut another participant in.
"Make a movie." It’s a bit much?
It usually takes some 3 years.
- "Make a movie ...
- ... that gives fabric for reflection" [food for thought]
"The film that gives the Stormester
the most fabric for reflection wins."
"You have one hour."
"Time starts now." Oh God.
Okay. Well ... Some material for Lasse's reflection.
I need to make him think, but it’s difficult
when he has already thought so much.
Should we go down into the Freudian?
That could be pretty interesting.
It has to be something with some action.
A little psychology could be interesting.
This could be the moment where I make
my film about a reshuffle in show business.
He should not think, "Oh, how sad I am."
He should see it and think,
"Could I have been better?"
The presenter of "Grand Maestro"!
Do you want a role, Mark?
And his companion, Pepe! You're Pepe.
That's damn good. Cool. Damn good.
It has to be an action movie.
It will at least be an action movie.
Tobias, you're the one that have put fads
in the head of my innocent youngster.
Pepe!
Which filmmaker should first
enchant me with reflections?
Such a film says a lot about the creator.
Talbot, action. Linda works with the subconscious.
We start with Jonas Mogensen,
and there I must say ...
No, it's just slightly different issues he grapples with.
- Here, here, here!
- It's up here, I think.
- Yes, this is it!
- Yes, yes, yes.
- That's why we do this.
- Snap!
- Hold, hold, hold! Stop, stop!
- What?
Lasse's property tax bill. He pays
over 50,000 in property taxes.
He fucking does. 50!
I could be wide of the mark by asking this,
but is the land debt not rising soon?
- Maybe not in this municipality.
- I think damn, it's rising here.
I do not dare to think of how much he spends on the
descaler. The water is damn hard in these urban areas.
- And those clinkers won’t withstand limescale removal.
- No, they're worn out in five years.
There was a crack as well next to the
window where we came in. Did you see it?
Right from the bottom. Foundation damage. This isn’t right.
- It is not.
- We do not rob anyone who’s already lying down.
- What the hell?!
- You've talked about those running shoes a lot.
- I have hardly talked about anything else.
- Take them. He does not notice.
- He does not notice.
- Then I'll just take these.
Isn't it as if this whole thing is in a hole?
I hope he has a proper perimeter drain.
- People say he's smart. Something suggests he's a little stupid.
- He bought the cat in the bag.
How would you sell this? "Houseboat in Gentofte".
Lasse, Lasse, Lasse ...
Yes, yes, I just thought we should
bring the young crowd with us.
- How long have you been a homeowner?
- Shortly.
- So, welcome!
- Yes, it's a hassle.
Even if you don't want to rob someone lying
down, you do get some loot to take home.
We just got your running shoes.
Have you noticed they are gone?
- No.
- No? Well, then you can think about that.
- Mark, what are we going to see now?
- Sofie's film.
You could prick up your ears a little.
Hello. What I'm about to tell you isn’t pleasant to hear.
But if you have two minutes to check
your mobile, then you’re able to listen to this.
Bullying is a growing problem in the workplace.
Bullying can consist of humiliation ...
- I think le Fêvre means blacksmith.
- No, it means the fever.
Fever is caused by an infection
or a virus … It suits you well.
Lack of trust.
Mark is never the winner.
Not under any circumstances.
Excessive control.
What do I always say to you?
You're on the verge of being fired.
Lasse ... Why do you have to be so mean?
But there is something you can do.
If you are a leader, you can think
about giving the correct points -
- to those who deserve points, supposing
that’s something someone were to get.
One can also give a fair rating to someone who
has made a pretty good movie, for example.
One can also make sure that this person gets
top marks in future assignments, for example.
This is how to stop bullying.
Think about it.
- It has set my thoughts in motion.
- Understandably!
It is a great message to be against
bullying in the workplace.
But you have edited in a separate
movie that tributes our fellowship?
I can't fathom what one film
has to do with the other.
That's fine. Super. Super fine.
If this is how you want to play the
game, then we'll play that game.
If you're suggesting that Mark
should feel bullied by me -
- then you can ask Mark:
"Do you feel bullied by me?"
- Then Mark answers, he does not.
- Sure, Lasse. Well, that was my contribution.
- You made me think.
- Super good.
Who's going to make me think now?
Linda P with literal fabric for reflection.
My first thought is that it seems hard on
Mark's loins, holding that broom all by himself.
- You could have balanced it.
- Pepe needs to work out some more.
That’s what I was thinking.
What should I be thinking about?
Many things. I dive into different parts of society.
Shrimp cocktails and the 80s and ...
So the idea was that you should think about
the things you have not thought about that often.
Have you seen those kind of theater plays
where the content may not be so good -
- but then there's nice dancing. I'm just saying...
Based on that logic, I would have
liked five points in my first task.
- Who now gives food for thought?
- We can easily jump to Simon.
Do you want to say "action" yourself?
- Yes. Action!
What the fuck, are you grilling?
Are you standing there grilling?
Don't you know that it's bad for the environment?
Are you grilling? Don't you know
it’s bad for the environment?
Have you made sure to buy organic? Have you?!
I've seen what you like.
You like pineapple on pizza!
- You!
- I've heard that ...
... you listen to Rasmus Seebach! [pop musician]
See you!
- Caps lock.
- SHIT MUSIC!
I have seen that you like sports. That's idiotic!
You're a big idi ... idio ... idoi!
- Idio ... - Idi ...
- Idijo ... - Idjojo.
You are annoying!!
- I’ll just write this as well.
- Now you agree that dark chocolate is better than white!
- What color is the dress?
- What color is the dress?
- What color is it?
- Gold.
Wrong! There is no right answer.
- Well, but do you know what you can get?
- You all get a dislike!
A dislike.
My little ducky, dinner's ready!
- Mom, I'm dealing with something important here.
- There's lasagna, darling sweetheart.
Well, there are people being wrong online.
The obvious message is ...
... that Mark is cuter with hair.
If you have to explain the message of
the film, what is it I should think about?
You, and the viewers, need to think
about that what we write online -
- seems violent out in the real world.
If any of you young people are being bullied,
remember that even though words are harsh -
- that behind them it's often just a small, sad man.
- Mark, we're missing Tobias.
- Yes.
I have a feeling why you're in a white suit -
- with a nice mustache. Will the film elaborate on it?
I present "Grand Maestro"
with Tobias Rahim and Pepe.
Stormester has been running for five seasons.
The format desperately needs a change.
Maybe a breath of fresh air from the tropics,
and a new face to the range of TV programs.
Let me introduce "Grand Maestro".
In a sumptuous villa on a Caribbean island,
we meet Tobias Rahim and Pepe.
They have a joint economy. The program is
based on an equal relationship between the hosts.
Mutual respect and financial transparency.
Suddenly Tobias Rahim thought of Lasse.
Had he made a coup on Lasse's program?
And how was Lasse faring?
From this feeling of emptiness and
guilt, Tobias Rahim develops ...
"Wild with cat" [crazy about cats]
A program about the fascination of the
domestic cat with Lasse Rimmer as host.
It examines how the domestic cat has
been able to live side by side with us -
- for thousands of years but remain a wild animal.
The cat is the quiet rebel that
humans have surrendered to -
- and now services without any
mutual expectation for the cat -
- other than being a cat.
Cat fighting. Miav miav.
What is "Grand Maestro" about?
If Pepe and I were to go to a Caribbean island -
- and brought various celebrities from Denmark,
who were to commit crimes on the island.
It's an island of vigilantism. There are no police.
If you have stolen a scooter, then you
might end up in a fight with the locals.
- Pepe would not endure something like that.
- Oh ...
Me and Pepe were good together. But this was before
I met Lasse, now I see it's harsh to take your program ...
- But you're giving me a new program.
- Yes, and that is "Wild with cat".
"Wild With Cats". "Loco con Gatos".
"Loco Con Gatos"!
Oh no ...
- Oh, the two of us live different lives.
- I'm ready to deliberate.
I've come to the conclusion that ...
Linda, you're getting one point.
I'm not sure what your movie
was about. I forgot it already.
Then there's the theme of speaking nicely.
Two points for Simon and three for Sofie.
Then there's a completed gimmick from Jonas.
Those shoes? Ha! Four points.
Tobias, I'm not entirely sure what
happened, but you get five points.
Nice to see all five participants on the board.
Let's move on from a task that
requires reflection to a task -
- where you don't have to think too much.
I have one with a box of water and a
bathtub. That should be quite simple.
Unless there's a little trick-piss to it.
- Oh ...
- La la la la la la le Fêvre.
- Mark le Fêgtekamp. [fence match]
- Hey, cutie Mark.
I thought we should start with ...
Just say no if you don't feel like it.
- A bathtub.
- Umbrella!
- I do not like this, Mark.
- Cheers.
- "Fill the bathtub ...
- ... with water from the box."
"Do not move or change the box or tub."
Box, bathtub. Do not move, do not move.
- "The water is switched on ...
- ... for 100 seconds ...
... in ten minutes."
Fun.
- "Most water moved from the box ...
- ... into the bathtub wins."
"Time starts now."
There's water for 100 seconds in ten minutes,
so I have ten minutes to get ready.
And it comes out of that one.
There's some trick-piss about this.
There's a catch to this. I just know there is.
Only I didn't think: "There's a sly fox in this setup".
That's why I went berserk when it happened
But by lurking it, you have ten minutes
to get yourself worked up about it.
"Why? What is this?" I'm still mad.
I do not remember this task.
It hasn't affected me at all.
I do not understand the anger and distrust.
There can be no trick-piss involved, can there?
Here comes Linda, Sofie and Tobias.
I guess it's just finding a garden hose.
Then I can take a sack.
What is it about this?
Where's a garden hose?
Not long enough. Where’s another hose, Mark?
I'm a neighbor. Could I borrow a garden hose?
Water, water, water ... huge.
Pour it in.
It's uphill.
Good neighbor.
Cheers.
- Then we can stand here and wait.
- I'm ready.
Five, four, three, two and one.
No! I knew it!
Oh yeah.
Can you take that hose? Hurry up!
Yes, like that. You're so good, Mark. Way to go!
That's so good, Mark.
Sofi — Sofi — Sofi ... Sofie!
And the water has stopped.
- So.
- That was quite a lot of water.
I'm just running over with this.
No, how fabulous that was. Bye Bye.
You have cut it nicely. I was so mad!
So mad and so condescending.
"Ha, ha, Stormester humor!
Fuck, how ridiculous."
I was angry because I had thought,
"Check - check right away, done, —
- top marks and the very best
in the program and no, no."
Tobias, it seems that a moment passes
before you register what's going on.
I drank wine along the way. Quite a lot of wine.
So I stood there thinking, "Have I lost?"
Then I might as well leave it at that.
But then: "I'll give it a try."
I personally think I won this one.
It depends on how much water the three got moved.
These are three pretty sensible results.
Linda gets 6.75 liters moved.
While cursing and swearing nonstop at me.
Sofie's black bag gets a total of 10.6 liters.
Not stupid.
But, but, but, but ...
Tobias, the quick-thinking ...
13 liters.
Who are we going to see now?
Talbot. The man who initially senses
that there is a little trick-piss going on.
Oh, you are a cheating fur! You are a prankster.
So I should just make such a …
Well, okay then, I will do as you please!
Dance, monkey! Well, then I’ll do it.
I'll make something from here over in the tub.
In nine minutes you say, "Oh, the box? I meant “one on
the box” [a knock on the head], and now I'm spitting."
Then that’s where the water came from.
I’m doing it! I'm building something.
Rubber boots, yes, yes. Bucket.
The helmet can also contain water.
Tube.
What about the barrel over there?
Here I come!
If it isn’t this box, Mark ...
Five, four, three, two, one and water.
No! I knew it!
You son of a bitch! Oh, you bitch!
You motherfuck! I hate everything about you.
- How are you?
- I don't want to do this anymore.
Then the 100 seconds have passed.
There is a hole, there.
You can actually see the hose.
- Rubbish task.
- I was so mad!
This is a man that has smelled the fuse [sensed
something is afoot], but doesn’t quite know what a bomb is.
I'm excited about where Simon ended up.
What is the number for him?
What, Sneak?
0.8 liters.
So much effort!
You have spilled more champagne than
you have collected water in this program.
- Is it fair to say so?
- Oh, my God, he's back again.
If there's anyone who's a "fuse smeller" -
- then maybe it's Jonas Mogensen.
Mogensen sees through the trick-piss.
But ask if that’s to his advantage.
- Is it an advantage that he knows?
- No.
It's probably not going to come out there.
There's something wet here.
There are pipes. For fuck's sake!
The water is running now.
Jonas — Jonas — Jonas — Jonas!
Jo — Jo — Jonas!
It's heavier than you might think.
- It's so annoying!
- You got mad too.
- You were furious. - Yes, many of my friends are
craftsmen, and I don't know how to use duct tape.
The construction you use to
direct the water forward with -
- is a water trap that must prevent
water from moving further.
- I was under time pressure.
- You do get some water collected.
You get an advantage when you discover
the water is coming out somewhere else.
- But you kind of spoil it.
- I agree.
Although it appears silly, it turns into ... 5.35 liters.
- It's almost half of yours.
- Great.
Mark, you have the data you need to distribute points.
- One point for Simon.
- Thanks.
Two points for Jonas.
Three points for Linda.
Four points for Sofie and thus
five points for Tobias Rahim.
We are getting to know our five participants.
Will we learn more about them from the next task?
Yes ... it's more another person who
is going to learn something from them.
- Oh no.
- Oh no.
No, not that one.
Hi, Mark le Fêrdselstavle [road sign].
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hello there.
- My name is Linda. What's your name?
- Esther.
- Are you as excited as me?
- Yes.
- I’ll have a look at the task, okay?
- Why ... who ...
- Wow, there's candy!
- It is scary. A horror movie.
- How are you with children?
- Love them. And they love me.
- Right?
- Yes.
Easy.
- "Teach this child ...
- ... something remarkable."
"You have 20 minutes to teach the child something."
- "Then the child has a minute ...
- ... to show what she has learned."
- "Most notable learning ...
- ... wins."
- Shit!
- "Time starts now."
- What can I teach you?
- I have no talents.
- What can you already do?
- I can play tennis and dance.
- I can not teach you anything.
- And I can climb.
- I know none of those things.
- We're going to have a blast.
I have nothing to pass on. It will be
a disappointment for you, I'm sorry.
I try to offer you a versatile range of tasks.
Sometimes the water comes out
somewhere you didn't expect.
Other times it's what Jonas senses -
- tasks designed to shake you and
your entire existential foundation:
What can I do that is worth teaching, really?
I did not ask that question.
I just noted that I have nothing to offer.
I'm a flat cola. You might as well don't shake me.
They were given 20 minutes to teach
eight-year-old Esther something remarkable.
It's uphill if you're a flat cola, Jonas.
Let's see how it went.
I can teach you something useful instead.
I know one useful thing.
Imagine, you're in some dormitory and
you have made meat sauce for ten.
It should last for the rest of the week.
Then you need to freeze it.
This is based on harsh experience.
- I took such a bag here.
- Yes?
And then I threw all of this crap down
in the bag and threw it in the freezer.
Then you take the bag out on the
second day and have to eat it all.
The whole trick, it's ...
When freezing, small portions.
So we take the first bag.
Tie and knot. Then you write a number on it.
Then it's up to you to show that you can do it.
- Are you ready for it?
- Yes.
Now you need to assess how
much you can eat tomorrow.
I can not.
Perfect.
Well, that was it.
- Jonas, how old are you?
- 35.
Three and a half decades on earth, and the most
important thing you can teach an 8-year-old -
- is: How about portion-frozen meat sauce?
It is not me who has put me here.
You don't even teach her to pour into a bag.
- She says it herself: "I can not."
- One shouldn't be a curling dad [helicopter parent].
Teach her something remarkable.
You make meat sauce, and your niece says,
"Remember to freeze it in small bags."
- That would be remarkable.
- Well noticed.
Who is going to teach 8-year-old Esther
something remarkable now?
We're going to Linda P and to the ...
slightly annoying world of music.
- It's English and says "shiny".
- What does that mean?
It means "pate".
Well. I've taught Esther to be a pop star.
That's pretty remarkable.
We've written a little song for you.
You have to take so many blows that you
deserve a song. One, two, three, now ...
See Mark le Fêvre, he is as ugly as the stork.
Everything I look at is ugly about him.
It's because his pate, it is shiny -
- and because he is so piss-whiny.
Then we bow.
- See you.
- I hope ...
... not.
I was even better than I remembered.
I can tell it is the best feature,
and I haven't even seen all of them.
Nothing charms me like seeing someone
go in for a tickling of Mark's self-esteem.
- I want to see Esther learn more.
- Problematic, because we’re about to see Simon.
It has to be something that people notice.
Can I teach you how to "bottom"? [chug a drink]
It will be delicious.
Hapser-schnappser.
Grab your drink.
If it tastes bad, just stick to the nose.
- How old did you say you were?
- Eight years.
Let's go, Esther!
“What a life” [song from the film Another Round]
- Whooo! Down with it!
- No.
That's it. Oh!
- It was remarkable then.
- I'm not the only flat cola.
Alcohol for an 8-year-old, what's remarkable?
- What should she drink?
- Alcohol.
This was filmed and documented in a room
filled with sober, responsible adults—
- and the only one who says no is Esther,
who is eight years old.
Mark, you are also present.
What Simon is doing is illegal.
We have to move on to ... Tobias Rahim.
We almost have to see that.
- Do you want to go outside maybe?
- Okay.
I want you to always remember -
- that it's just about following the flow.
The flow inside yourself.
There will always be someone;
teachers, educators and parents -
- employers and record companies,
all sorts of people trying to change you.
Just keep in mind ...
Follow your flow.
Okay.
Follow your flow, because you can
always feel where you want to go.
Notice when it feels right or wrong.
- Uh, I don't quite understand.
- No.
I too have only just begun to understand it.
So I understand why you wouldn't
understand it. But ...
Yes?
Yes.
Tobias, what you want to do for Esther is -
- what I'm struggling to do with
my almost grown daughters.
You want to teach her to be an authentic
human being, and that is commendable ...
- Esther is eight years old.
- She was so sweet.
I wanted to give her something. It didn’t work.
- It was a really sweet thought, though.
- Many viewers get something out of it, Tobias.
But I do not think it gives points.
What a wild course of learning for Esther.
Can you show us a bit where she learns
something tangible she can use on a daily basis?
- Yes. Sofie, you can speak "robber language".
- Joja.
I can speak robber language.
- I could teach you that.
- Yes.
- Can you spell?
- Yes.
Dear Lasse, dear audience,
here’s my remarkable child.
Kokærore Lolasossose.
Jojegog hohåboberor -
- Sosofofie -
- vovinondoderor -
- Sostotorormomesostoteror.
Thank you for coming.
That’s the press conference I’ve seen
that has made the most sense.
I'm fairly versed in robber language,
but will you tell what's being said?
She chooses to say:
"Dear Lasse. I hope Sofie wins Stormester."
Five attempts to teach Esther something
remarkable. Now to the points.
Nothing is being taught and it's
irresponsible. One point, Simon.
It is dangerous!
It's an ambitious attempt,
but of the mark age-wise.
Tobias, two points for you.
The song is not remarkable, Linda,
but she learns it. Three points.
Then the question is: Who's superior?
There are probably more meat sauce leftovers
on her hands than in the freezer -
- but it's something she can use
later on, so four points for Jonas.
You actually managed to teach
Esther something she can use.
- A whole new language. Five points.
- Thanks.
Simon put his Donald Duck magazine at stake.
He will clearly not win it himself, so who will?
We are going to find out when we have
completed the final task here on stage.
Tonight’s prize is a Donald Duck magazine
of great personal value to Simon.
Let's see what the task is about. Who reads?
- Sofie.
- Okay.
- I can not learn and read at the same time.
- Great!
"Anchor the balloons using only bread."
"The person with the most inflated
and bread-anchored balloons on the mat -
- after 100 seconds wins."
- I don't get it. Did you understand it?
- I got it! Come on! Let's go!
In the baskets behind you are
helium-inflated balloons.
Make sure the balloons stay on the ground -
- only by using toast.
- Most balloons win.
- Time starts now.
Simon, are your balloons the red ones?
- What? Yes?
- The ones up there?
Whoops, that's theft!
Did you lose yours?
Done!
Hand me that one!
Five, four, three, two, one.
Time’s up!
During the first two programs, Tobias has
been a master at figuring out the task rules -
- and it is an ingenious solution, Linda,
but of a different task than the one posed.
It's clearly stated that the one with
the most inflated balloons wins.
- Most inflated.
- Yes!
- It makes it easier to count.
- I heard: The one who's the most out of breath.
The points are distributed as follows:
Five points for Jonas, four
for Simon, three for Sofie -
- and zero points for Linda and Tobias.
Who won tonight's program?
The program's big winner and the winner
of a delightful Donald Duck magazine:
- Jonas Mogensen!
- Sneak up there and get your magazine.
Jonas Mogensen has gone on the balcony
to conquer Donald Duck — the magazine -
- which documents an early debut for
an excellent comedian, Simon Talbot.
I only have the words left for you -
- that a turtle seller from Andalusia
once whispered in my ear -
- on a drunken evening in Bilbao:
Thank you for tonight.
Texts:Helle Schou Kristiansen
Danish Video Text
- Take care, Mark.
- Lasse.
- How tight are those pants!
- Eww, how disgusting.
- Why?!
- I can't any more!
- It's damn draft beer.
- Sure.
Welcome to Stormester.
My name is Lasse Rimmer.
I'm the greatest of champions,
and every week I let five celebrities -
- amuse me with their
imaginative attempts to impress.
Who solves my tasks with flair and talent?
Who is terribly wrong?
We get the answer from Linda P!
Simon Talbot!
Sofie Jo Kaufmanas!
Jonas Mogensen.
Tobias Rahim!
I can say about my faithful squire,
Mark le Fêvre, that ...
I notice ...
You've decided not to have lasagna tonight.
What's with the white suit?
I would like us to pack up Mark le Fêvre -
- and get in the process of calling me Pepe.
- Why are you laughing?
- You want to be called ...
- You want to be called Pepe.
- Yes.
Is that your own hair on the chest,
or have you had it glued ...
I'm just saying -
- I hope you enjoyed having Mark le Fêvre -
- as an assistant, because it
might be on borrowed time.
The only thing I hear in
that sentence is "might be".
So all right, we're vying all season
to win the Golden Trophy -
- but there is also something at stake
in each program. Who brought the prize?
- None other than Simon Talbot.
- Yes. Oh! Yes...
If you demand I call you Gonzales,
I'm going to be annoyed.
No, no. That Pepe look, though. It looks
like you're selling drugs on Wish.
I've brought something that
means a lot to me -
- namely the first joke I was paid for.
I won Joke of the Week in an Anders And
[Donald Duck] magazine when I was 11.
- And it's the right copy.
- Is it from last week?
"Dear Donald. Pepe sounds like
someone selling drugs on Wish."
Pepe wants to hear the real joke.
I won't make too much out of it.
Ladies and gentlemen: Simon Talbot!
Fun story. Here the other day an animal
court case is taking place. What happens ...
- An animal court case!
- The premise is better than the punchline.
The monkey has been accused
of bullying the snake.
The snake says, "Stop bullying me
with how I look."
Then the monkey says, "Okay, I promise.
Let’s seal the deal with a handshake?"
And that is ...
Impressive. You have made a
lot of worse ones afterwards.
It's the evidence documenting Simon's debut
as a joke-writer that's at stake tonight.
A Donald Duck magazine from 1997.
Shall we get started, Pepe?
We're going to a world Pepe knows inside and out.
Mark le Fêvre, not so much.
It's about champagne and money.
Hi, Mark le Fêstabe [party monkey].
Nice.
- Pagne and currency.
- That’s some familiar stuff.
- Do you drink much champagne?
- No, I drink no champagne.
One, two, three, four, five, six,
seven, eight, nine. Yes, damn good.
- What do you count?
- I always count glasses when I see glasses.
Old housewife advice.
I have to pull the money out, right?
- "Move the most money ...
- ... from the champagne tower ...
... to Mark's inside pocket."
"Do not touch the glasses."
"Largest amount in Danish kroner wins."
"You have ten minutes,
or until you spill the first drop."
Drop, okay. Nazi!
"Time starts now."
The largest amount in Danish kroner wins,
but there are no Danish.
What the hell are we going to do here?
Wait, is this a Danish thousand?
- I do not know where to start.
- Okay.
Now is the moment.
There's one question I always ask, and then
there's one I would like to follow up with.
Can we just repeat the rules
so everyone is in on them?
You see a champagne tower -
- on which are placed
a lot of foreign banknotes -
- that should be moved from the
champagne tower to my pocket.
You must not touch the glasses
and you have ten minutes to do so -
- or until you spill the first drop.
You will not be disqualified, but time will stop.
And then my follow up question. I saw four
participants, where’s Simon in this whole affair?
This was the first task the participants
encountered in the Stormester's House.
So, what we are about to see is
Simon Talbot's very first seconds -
- in the Stormester Universe.
Here comes Simon Talbot, the stupid dog.
Calm down, boy! For hell's sake.
Not all that energy!
As if it wasn’t enough of a pity
for you, that with the ears.
Back to reality. He's disqualified, right?
I think it's the most dramatic
debut so far in Stormester.
I was ashamed of myself. I've been
afraid of seeing that task ever since.
You should still be ashamed.
I'm going to record your result.
I actually ... We have a clip with you -
- because Simon is not the type to
give up, even though it all looks … -
- really bleak. Let us take a look?
It may be that he can save something.
Wait a minute. "You have ten minutes,
or until you spill the first drop."
"Time starts now."
I'm making a new champagne tower.
What's a Champagne Tower, really?
It's about having fun with friends.
I touch the glasses.
Okay, production team. All your debit cards.
Yes, perfect.
Oh, my God, he's back again!
I would like to say that maybe I spill a little
when I open the champagne bottle -
- and shouts woooh!
I'll own up to that. Otherwise, I'm a genius.
Simon, I note you for a round zero.
Where are we going now?
We are going to Tobias and Sofie, who have in
common thinking they have a super smart solution.
They also have in common being super wrong.
One could look at what is the best currency.
I must not touch the glasses ...
Yes! I will need some straws.
I'm starting down here.
It seems too easy.
- It’s going surprisingly well.
- Yes ...
It foams a lot.
Shut up, I'm a genius!
No, wait ... There was something with drops.
Well, fuck! I wasn't allowed to touch the glasses.
Fuck!
It was a damn good effort otherwise.
Except it was bad.
Yeah, sorry about that.
I grabbed a note from Israel,
and then all the shit collapsed.
Welcome to The Debate on DR2.
And then Sofie, who thinks:
"You cannot spill a drop if
there isn’t one in the glass."
You do discover along the way that a little
runs out of the corners of your mouth?
Well, yes. In the moment I said "fuck",
I just might have noticed it.
But well done for noticing too, Lasse.
Normally that kind of behavior would subtract,
but one cannot get below zero points ...
We are missing Jonas and Linda.
Who are we going to see?
Both at the same time.
"You may not touch the glasses."
Can you remove the first glass?
Just put it over there.
Top glass. Wait!
What the hell are we going to do? I'll go
get something to grab them with. Potholders?
- Yeah ... - Do you have cash?
"You may not touch the glasses."
"Until you spill the first drop."
Mark, come on, move it already.
But it has nothing to do with me.
The task says, "you spill". "You" is me.
Have you not attended school?
Inner pocket?
- And this one too.
- A debit card?
- The code is 3056 ...
- 73.
Like that. I hope it isn’t an expensive suit.
That's probably not the case, I've seen your jokes.
That's it. Then you take the next two.
And preferably a little fast, Mark.
You still have two minutes and 40 seconds.
You don’t have to do it like a child.
You're being such a baby now.
Oh well!
Who has cash on them?
Thank you.
- How much...? Well, okay.
- You don't have any more on you?
- Are you lending a helping hand with the cleanup?
- No.
- How has Jonas fared?
- There are different currencies.
In total, DKK 198.50 was collected.
- 198 is not a bad result.
- Excellent.
- Then there was Linda.
- Yes!
You used Mark as a tool.
I always do. Even when we are not filming.
- How many banknotes did she move?
- All banknotes.
It brings in as much as DKK 641.
But ... there's one tiny thing you should see.
What?!
- The well known movement ...
- I'm acting like a rapper, showing off cash.
It's not really a movement used on dry notes.
Perhaps if you had talked nicely to Mark,
he would have made more of an effort.
I'd rather have zero points
than speak nicely to Mark.
You know what? I cannot hear
such a wish without giving it to you.
- Zero points.
- No!
If it can help you, just think of how you'll
also be bad in the other programs.
It's just ... Try to get used to it?
It's a lot funnier when I’m the mean one.
I can't deal with other people being mean.
Four participants are listed for zero.
That should mean a split second place -
- but you cannot move banknotes to
a value of zero and expect points.
Five points for anyone who
manages to move banknotes -
- before a drop is spilled.
That is Jonas Mogensen.
Over time we have made our fair
share of programs together, Mark.
I don’t do much other than
think of tasks and judge people.
- You do all the hard work.
- Yes, the thought has also crossed my mind.
But we can easily change it up.
No, no, I just wanted to tell you
that I've been thinking about it.
What I'm thinking now is that
I would like to see a new task.
Well so gladly.
Hey, Mark le Fêtish.
- Is it a tablecloth?
- Where is the task?
I'm guessing I'll roll this. I can just roll with ...
Just cut another participant in.
"Make a movie." It’s a bit much?
It usually takes some 3 years.
- "Make a movie ...
- ... that gives fabric for reflection" [food for thought]
"The film that gives the Stormester
the most fabric for reflection wins."
"You have one hour."
"Time starts now." Oh God.
Okay. Well ... Some material for Lasse's reflection.
I need to make him think, but it’s difficult
when he has already thought so much.
Should we go down into the Freudian?
That could be pretty interesting.
It has to be something with some action.
A little psychology could be interesting.
This could be the moment where I make
my film about a reshuffle in show business.
He should not think, "Oh, how sad I am."
He should see it and think,
"Could I have been better?"
The presenter of "Grand Maestro"!
Do you want a role, Mark?
And his companion, Pepe! You're Pepe.
That's damn good. Cool. Damn good.
It has to be an action movie.
It will at least be an action movie.
Tobias, you're the one that have put fads
in the head of my innocent youngster.
Pepe!
Which filmmaker should first
enchant me with reflections?
Such a film says a lot about the creator.
Talbot, action. Linda works with the subconscious.
We start with Jonas Mogensen,
and there I must say ...
No, it's just slightly different issues he grapples with.
- Here, here, here!
- It's up here, I think.
- Yes, this is it!
- Yes, yes, yes.
- That's why we do this.
- Snap!
- Hold, hold, hold! Stop, stop!
- What?
Lasse's property tax bill. He pays
over 50,000 in property taxes.
He fucking does. 50!
I could be wide of the mark by asking this,
but is the land debt not rising soon?
- Maybe not in this municipality.
- I think damn, it's rising here.
I do not dare to think of how much he spends on the
descaler. The water is damn hard in these urban areas.
- And those clinkers won’t withstand limescale removal.
- No, they're worn out in five years.
There was a crack as well next to the
window where we came in. Did you see it?
Right from the bottom. Foundation damage. This isn’t right.
- It is not.
- We do not rob anyone who’s already lying down.
- What the hell?!
- You've talked about those running shoes a lot.
- I have hardly talked about anything else.
- Take them. He does not notice.
- He does not notice.
- Then I'll just take these.
Isn't it as if this whole thing is in a hole?
I hope he has a proper perimeter drain.
- People say he's smart. Something suggests he's a little stupid.
- He bought the cat in the bag.
How would you sell this? "Houseboat in Gentofte".
Lasse, Lasse, Lasse ...
Yes, yes, I just thought we should
bring the young crowd with us.
- How long have you been a homeowner?
- Shortly.
- So, welcome!
- Yes, it's a hassle.
Even if you don't want to rob someone lying
down, you do get some loot to take home.
We just got your running shoes.
Have you noticed they are gone?
- No.
- No? Well, then you can think about that.
- Mark, what are we going to see now?
- Sofie's film.
You could prick up your ears a little.
Hello. What I'm about to tell you isn’t pleasant to hear.
But if you have two minutes to check
your mobile, then you’re able to listen to this.
Bullying is a growing problem in the workplace.
Bullying can consist of humiliation ...
- I think le Fêvre means blacksmith.
- No, it means the fever.
Fever is caused by an infection
or a virus … It suits you well.
Lack of trust.
Mark is never the winner.
Not under any circumstances.
Excessive control.
What do I always say to you?
You're on the verge of being fired.
Lasse ... Why do you have to be so mean?
But there is something you can do.
If you are a leader, you can think
about giving the correct points -
- to those who deserve points, supposing
that’s something someone were to get.
One can also give a fair rating to someone who
has made a pretty good movie, for example.
One can also make sure that this person gets
top marks in future assignments, for example.
This is how to stop bullying.
Think about it.
- It has set my thoughts in motion.
- Understandably!
It is a great message to be against
bullying in the workplace.
But you have edited in a separate
movie that tributes our fellowship?
I can't fathom what one film
has to do with the other.
That's fine. Super. Super fine.
If this is how you want to play the
game, then we'll play that game.
If you're suggesting that Mark
should feel bullied by me -
- then you can ask Mark:
"Do you feel bullied by me?"
- Then Mark answers, he does not.
- Sure, Lasse. Well, that was my contribution.
- You made me think.
- Super good.
Who's going to make me think now?
Linda P with literal fabric for reflection.
My first thought is that it seems hard on
Mark's loins, holding that broom all by himself.
- You could have balanced it.
- Pepe needs to work out some more.
That’s what I was thinking.
What should I be thinking about?
Many things. I dive into different parts of society.
Shrimp cocktails and the 80s and ...
So the idea was that you should think about
the things you have not thought about that often.
Have you seen those kind of theater plays
where the content may not be so good -
- but then there's nice dancing. I'm just saying...
Based on that logic, I would have
liked five points in my first task.
- Who now gives food for thought?
- We can easily jump to Simon.
Do you want to say "action" yourself?
- Yes. Action!
What the fuck, are you grilling?
Are you standing there grilling?
Don't you know that it's bad for the environment?
Are you grilling? Don't you know
it’s bad for the environment?
Have you made sure to buy organic? Have you?!
I've seen what you like.
You like pineapple on pizza!
- You!
- I've heard that ...
... you listen to Rasmus Seebach! [pop musician]
See you!
- Caps lock.
- SHIT MUSIC!
I have seen that you like sports. That's idiotic!
You're a big idi ... idio ... idoi!
- Idio ... - Idi ...
- Idijo ... - Idjojo.
You are annoying!!
- I’ll just write this as well.
- Now you agree that dark chocolate is better than white!
- What color is the dress?
- What color is the dress?
- What color is it?
- Gold.
Wrong! There is no right answer.
- Well, but do you know what you can get?
- You all get a dislike!
A dislike.
My little ducky, dinner's ready!
- Mom, I'm dealing with something important here.
- There's lasagna, darling sweetheart.
Well, there are people being wrong online.
The obvious message is ...
... that Mark is cuter with hair.
If you have to explain the message of
the film, what is it I should think about?
You, and the viewers, need to think
about that what we write online -
- seems violent out in the real world.
If any of you young people are being bullied,
remember that even though words are harsh -
- that behind them it's often just a small, sad man.
- Mark, we're missing Tobias.
- Yes.
I have a feeling why you're in a white suit -
- with a nice mustache. Will the film elaborate on it?
I present "Grand Maestro"
with Tobias Rahim and Pepe.
Stormester has been running for five seasons.
The format desperately needs a change.
Maybe a breath of fresh air from the tropics,
and a new face to the range of TV programs.
Let me introduce "Grand Maestro".
In a sumptuous villa on a Caribbean island,
we meet Tobias Rahim and Pepe.
They have a joint economy. The program is
based on an equal relationship between the hosts.
Mutual respect and financial transparency.
Suddenly Tobias Rahim thought of Lasse.
Had he made a coup on Lasse's program?
And how was Lasse faring?
From this feeling of emptiness and
guilt, Tobias Rahim develops ...
"Wild with cat" [crazy about cats]
A program about the fascination of the
domestic cat with Lasse Rimmer as host.
It examines how the domestic cat has
been able to live side by side with us -
- for thousands of years but remain a wild animal.
The cat is the quiet rebel that
humans have surrendered to -
- and now services without any
mutual expectation for the cat -
- other than being a cat.
Cat fighting. Miav miav.
What is "Grand Maestro" about?
If Pepe and I were to go to a Caribbean island -
- and brought various celebrities from Denmark,
who were to commit crimes on the island.
It's an island of vigilantism. There are no police.
If you have stolen a scooter, then you
might end up in a fight with the locals.
- Pepe would not endure something like that.
- Oh ...
Me and Pepe were good together. But this was before
I met Lasse, now I see it's harsh to take your program ...
- But you're giving me a new program.
- Yes, and that is "Wild with cat".
"Wild With Cats". "Loco con Gatos".
"Loco Con Gatos"!
Oh no ...
- Oh, the two of us live different lives.
- I'm ready to deliberate.
I've come to the conclusion that ...
Linda, you're getting one point.
I'm not sure what your movie
was about. I forgot it already.
Then there's the theme of speaking nicely.
Two points for Simon and three for Sofie.
Then there's a completed gimmick from Jonas.
Those shoes? Ha! Four points.
Tobias, I'm not entirely sure what
happened, but you get five points.
Nice to see all five participants on the board.
Let's move on from a task that
requires reflection to a task -
- where you don't have to think too much.
I have one with a box of water and a
bathtub. That should be quite simple.
Unless there's a little trick-piss to it.
- Oh ...
- La la la la la la le Fêvre.
- Mark le Fêgtekamp. [fence match]
- Hey, cutie Mark.
I thought we should start with ...
Just say no if you don't feel like it.
- A bathtub.
- Umbrella!
- I do not like this, Mark.
- Cheers.
- "Fill the bathtub ...
- ... with water from the box."
"Do not move or change the box or tub."
Box, bathtub. Do not move, do not move.
- "The water is switched on ...
- ... for 100 seconds ...
... in ten minutes."
Fun.
- "Most water moved from the box ...
- ... into the bathtub wins."
"Time starts now."
There's water for 100 seconds in ten minutes,
so I have ten minutes to get ready.
And it comes out of that one.
There's some trick-piss about this.
There's a catch to this. I just know there is.
Only I didn't think: "There's a sly fox in this setup".
That's why I went berserk when it happened
But by lurking it, you have ten minutes
to get yourself worked up about it.
"Why? What is this?" I'm still mad.
I do not remember this task.
It hasn't affected me at all.
I do not understand the anger and distrust.
There can be no trick-piss involved, can there?
Here comes Linda, Sofie and Tobias.
I guess it's just finding a garden hose.
Then I can take a sack.
What is it about this?
Where's a garden hose?
Not long enough. Where’s another hose, Mark?
I'm a neighbor. Could I borrow a garden hose?
Water, water, water ... huge.
Pour it in.
It's uphill.
Good neighbor.
Cheers.
- Then we can stand here and wait.
- I'm ready.
Five, four, three, two and one.
No! I knew it!
Oh yeah.
Can you take that hose? Hurry up!
Yes, like that. You're so good, Mark. Way to go!
That's so good, Mark.
Sofi — Sofi — Sofi ... Sofie!
And the water has stopped.
- So.
- That was quite a lot of water.
I'm just running over with this.
No, how fabulous that was. Bye Bye.
You have cut it nicely. I was so mad!
So mad and so condescending.
"Ha, ha, Stormester humor!
Fuck, how ridiculous."
I was angry because I had thought,
"Check - check right away, done, —
- top marks and the very best
in the program and no, no."
Tobias, it seems that a moment passes
before you register what's going on.
I drank wine along the way. Quite a lot of wine.
So I stood there thinking, "Have I lost?"
Then I might as well leave it at that.
But then: "I'll give it a try."
I personally think I won this one.
It depends on how much water the three got moved.
These are three pretty sensible results.
Linda gets 6.75 liters moved.
While cursing and swearing nonstop at me.
Sofie's black bag gets a total of 10.6 liters.
Not stupid.
But, but, but, but ...
Tobias, the quick-thinking ...
13 liters.
Who are we going to see now?
Talbot. The man who initially senses
that there is a little trick-piss going on.
Oh, you are a cheating fur! You are a prankster.
So I should just make such a …
Well, okay then, I will do as you please!
Dance, monkey! Well, then I’ll do it.
I'll make something from here over in the tub.
In nine minutes you say, "Oh, the box? I meant “one on
the box” [a knock on the head], and now I'm spitting."
Then that’s where the water came from.
I’m doing it! I'm building something.
Rubber boots, yes, yes. Bucket.
The helmet can also contain water.
Tube.
What about the barrel over there?
Here I come!
If it isn’t this box, Mark ...
Five, four, three, two, one and water.
No! I knew it!
You son of a bitch! Oh, you bitch!
You motherfuck! I hate everything about you.
- How are you?
- I don't want to do this anymore.
Then the 100 seconds have passed.
There is a hole, there.
You can actually see the hose.
- Rubbish task.
- I was so mad!
This is a man that has smelled the fuse [sensed
something is afoot], but doesn’t quite know what a bomb is.
I'm excited about where Simon ended up.
What is the number for him?
What, Sneak?
0.8 liters.
So much effort!
You have spilled more champagne than
you have collected water in this program.
- Is it fair to say so?
- Oh, my God, he's back again.
If there's anyone who's a "fuse smeller" -
- then maybe it's Jonas Mogensen.
Mogensen sees through the trick-piss.
But ask if that’s to his advantage.
- Is it an advantage that he knows?
- No.
It's probably not going to come out there.
There's something wet here.
There are pipes. For fuck's sake!
The water is running now.
Jonas — Jonas — Jonas — Jonas!
Jo — Jo — Jonas!
It's heavier than you might think.
- It's so annoying!
- You got mad too.
- You were furious. - Yes, many of my friends are
craftsmen, and I don't know how to use duct tape.
The construction you use to
direct the water forward with -
- is a water trap that must prevent
water from moving further.
- I was under time pressure.
- You do get some water collected.
You get an advantage when you discover
the water is coming out somewhere else.
- But you kind of spoil it.
- I agree.
Although it appears silly, it turns into ... 5.35 liters.
- It's almost half of yours.
- Great.
Mark, you have the data you need to distribute points.
- One point for Simon.
- Thanks.
Two points for Jonas.
Three points for Linda.
Four points for Sofie and thus
five points for Tobias Rahim.
We are getting to know our five participants.
Will we learn more about them from the next task?
Yes ... it's more another person who
is going to learn something from them.
- Oh no.
- Oh no.
No, not that one.
Hi, Mark le Fêrdselstavle [road sign].
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hello there.
- My name is Linda. What's your name?
- Esther.
- Are you as excited as me?
- Yes.
- I’ll have a look at the task, okay?
- Why ... who ...
- Wow, there's candy!
- It is scary. A horror movie.
- How are you with children?
- Love them. And they love me.
- Right?
- Yes.
Easy.
- "Teach this child ...
- ... something remarkable."
"You have 20 minutes to teach the child something."
- "Then the child has a minute ...
- ... to show what she has learned."
- "Most notable learning ...
- ... wins."
- Shit!
- "Time starts now."
- What can I teach you?
- I have no talents.
- What can you already do?
- I can play tennis and dance.
- I can not teach you anything.
- And I can climb.
- I know none of those things.
- We're going to have a blast.
I have nothing to pass on. It will be
a disappointment for you, I'm sorry.
I try to offer you a versatile range of tasks.
Sometimes the water comes out
somewhere you didn't expect.
Other times it's what Jonas senses -
- tasks designed to shake you and
your entire existential foundation:
What can I do that is worth teaching, really?
I did not ask that question.
I just noted that I have nothing to offer.
I'm a flat cola. You might as well don't shake me.
They were given 20 minutes to teach
eight-year-old Esther something remarkable.
It's uphill if you're a flat cola, Jonas.
Let's see how it went.
I can teach you something useful instead.
I know one useful thing.
Imagine, you're in some dormitory and
you have made meat sauce for ten.
It should last for the rest of the week.
Then you need to freeze it.
This is based on harsh experience.
- I took such a bag here.
- Yes?
And then I threw all of this crap down
in the bag and threw it in the freezer.
Then you take the bag out on the
second day and have to eat it all.
The whole trick, it's ...
When freezing, small portions.
So we take the first bag.
Tie and knot. Then you write a number on it.
Then it's up to you to show that you can do it.
- Are you ready for it?
- Yes.
Now you need to assess how
much you can eat tomorrow.
I can not.
Perfect.
Well, that was it.
- Jonas, how old are you?
- 35.
Three and a half decades on earth, and the most
important thing you can teach an 8-year-old -
- is: How about portion-frozen meat sauce?
It is not me who has put me here.
You don't even teach her to pour into a bag.
- She says it herself: "I can not."
- One shouldn't be a curling dad [helicopter parent].
Teach her something remarkable.
You make meat sauce, and your niece says,
"Remember to freeze it in small bags."
- That would be remarkable.
- Well noticed.
Who is going to teach 8-year-old Esther
something remarkable now?
We're going to Linda P and to the ...
slightly annoying world of music.
- It's English and says "shiny".
- What does that mean?
It means "pate".
Well. I've taught Esther to be a pop star.
That's pretty remarkable.
We've written a little song for you.
You have to take so many blows that you
deserve a song. One, two, three, now ...
See Mark le Fêvre, he is as ugly as the stork.
Everything I look at is ugly about him.
It's because his pate, it is shiny -
- and because he is so piss-whiny.
Then we bow.
- See you.
- I hope ...
... not.
I was even better than I remembered.
I can tell it is the best feature,
and I haven't even seen all of them.
Nothing charms me like seeing someone
go in for a tickling of Mark's self-esteem.
- I want to see Esther learn more.
- Problematic, because we’re about to see Simon.
It has to be something that people notice.
Can I teach you how to "bottom"? [chug a drink]
It will be delicious.
Hapser-schnappser.
Grab your drink.
If it tastes bad, just stick to the nose.
- How old did you say you were?
- Eight years.
Let's go, Esther!
“What a life” [song from the film Another Round]
- Whooo! Down with it!
- No.
That's it. Oh!
- It was remarkable then.
- I'm not the only flat cola.
Alcohol for an 8-year-old, what's remarkable?
- What should she drink?
- Alcohol.
This was filmed and documented in a room
filled with sober, responsible adults—
- and the only one who says no is Esther,
who is eight years old.
Mark, you are also present.
What Simon is doing is illegal.
We have to move on to ... Tobias Rahim.
We almost have to see that.
- Do you want to go outside maybe?
- Okay.
I want you to always remember -
- that it's just about following the flow.
The flow inside yourself.
There will always be someone;
teachers, educators and parents -
- employers and record companies,
all sorts of people trying to change you.
Just keep in mind ...
Follow your flow.
Okay.
Follow your flow, because you can
always feel where you want to go.
Notice when it feels right or wrong.
- Uh, I don't quite understand.
- No.
I too have only just begun to understand it.
So I understand why you wouldn't
understand it. But ...
Yes?
Yes.
Tobias, what you want to do for Esther is -
- what I'm struggling to do with
my almost grown daughters.
You want to teach her to be an authentic
human being, and that is commendable ...
- Esther is eight years old.
- She was so sweet.
I wanted to give her something. It didn’t work.
- It was a really sweet thought, though.
- Many viewers get something out of it, Tobias.
But I do not think it gives points.
What a wild course of learning for Esther.
Can you show us a bit where she learns
something tangible she can use on a daily basis?
- Yes. Sofie, you can speak "robber language".
- Joja.
I can speak robber language.
- I could teach you that.
- Yes.
- Can you spell?
- Yes.
Dear Lasse, dear audience,
here’s my remarkable child.
Kokærore Lolasossose.
Jojegog hohåboberor -
- Sosofofie -
- vovinondoderor -
- Sostotorormomesostoteror.
Thank you for coming.
That’s the press conference I’ve seen
that has made the most sense.
I'm fairly versed in robber language,
but will you tell what's being said?
She chooses to say:
"Dear Lasse. I hope Sofie wins Stormester."
Five attempts to teach Esther something
remarkable. Now to the points.
Nothing is being taught and it's
irresponsible. One point, Simon.
It is dangerous!
It's an ambitious attempt,
but of the mark age-wise.
Tobias, two points for you.
The song is not remarkable, Linda,
but she learns it. Three points.
Then the question is: Who's superior?
There are probably more meat sauce leftovers
on her hands than in the freezer -
- but it's something she can use
later on, so four points for Jonas.
You actually managed to teach
Esther something she can use.
- A whole new language. Five points.
- Thanks.
Simon put his Donald Duck magazine at stake.
He will clearly not win it himself, so who will?
We are going to find out when we have
completed the final task here on stage.
Tonight’s prize is a Donald Duck magazine
of great personal value to Simon.
Let's see what the task is about. Who reads?
- Sofie.
- Okay.
- I can not learn and read at the same time.
- Great!
"Anchor the balloons using only bread."
"The person with the most inflated
and bread-anchored balloons on the mat -
- after 100 seconds wins."
- I don't get it. Did you understand it?
- I got it! Come on! Let's go!
In the baskets behind you are
helium-inflated balloons.
Make sure the balloons stay on the ground -
- only by using toast.
- Most balloons win.
- Time starts now.
Simon, are your balloons the red ones?
- What? Yes?
- The ones up there?
Whoops, that's theft!
Did you lose yours?
Done!
Hand me that one!
Five, four, three, two, one.
Time’s up!
During the first two programs, Tobias has
been a master at figuring out the task rules -
- and it is an ingenious solution, Linda,
but of a different task than the one posed.
It's clearly stated that the one with
the most inflated balloons wins.
- Most inflated.
- Yes!
- It makes it easier to count.
- I heard: The one who's the most out of breath.
The points are distributed as follows:
Five points for Jonas, four
for Simon, three for Sofie -
- and zero points for Linda and Tobias.
Who won tonight's program?
The program's big winner and the winner
of a delightful Donald Duck magazine:
- Jonas Mogensen!
- Sneak up there and get your magazine.
Jonas Mogensen has gone on the balcony
to conquer Donald Duck — the magazine -
- which documents an early debut for
an excellent comedian, Simon Talbot.
I only have the words left for you -
- that a turtle seller from Andalusia
once whispered in my ear -
- on a drunken evening in Bilbao:
Thank you for tonight.
Texts:Helle Schou Kristiansen
Danish Video Text