Steven Universe (2013–…): Season 1, Episode 16 - Steven the Sword Fighter - full transcript
Pearl tries to teach Steven the art of sword-fighting using a holographic version of himself.
.
.
Oh, Lonely Blade, you so lonely.
.
.
What?! The janitor is
the evil samurai president?!
- That's bananas.
- Oh, come on. It was so obvious.
He's been mopping in the
background of every fight scene.
Look. Here he is on
the cover of the box.
Oh, yeah!
.
.
.
Go, Lonely, go!
- Do the boomerang blade again!
- Oh, come on.
This is ridiculous.
Just look at their form.
This is nothing like real
sword-fighting.
Shh!
It's just a movie, Pearl.
Well, if you ever want
to see a demonstration of proper
sword techniques,
I'd be happy to show you.
Now?
All right.
In order to give a proper
demonstration, I'm going
to need a sparring partner.
Luckily, I have the perfect
candidate right here.
- Cool! Hologram Pearl!
- Ah, geez.
Do you wish to engage in combat?
Let this be the perfect battle.
You've already made a mistake
by challenging me.
We shall let our swords decide.
Nerd!
- Shh!
- Shh!
Commencing duel.
Defense rank "S."
Zero openings detected.
- Go, Pearl, go!
- Go, Holo-Pearl!
Opening detected.
Hah!
Match. Set.
Challenger wins!
Whoo-hoo!
Yay, Pearl!
Do you wish to battle again?
Pearl! That was amazing!
You were so cool!
Oh, well.
One does try their best.
Will you teach me to
sword-fight like you?
All right, but
we should start with the basics.
Initiate training mode.
Training mode initiated.
Level 1. begin!
I want you to stand back,
Steven, and watch me carefully, okay?
Parry! Parry! Thrust!
Parry! Parry! Thrust!
Do you see what I'm
doing with my feet, Steven?
Parry! Parry! Thrust!
Notice where I keep my
center of gravity.
Aww.
Can you show me something cool,
like the boomerang blade?
Steven, you know that's
not a real sword technique.
Boomerang blade!
Boomerang blade!
- Boomerang blade!
- Steven, these are real
sword techniques, not those
silly things from your movie.
It's about waiting carefully for
the perfect moment to ...
Thrust!
- Whoa.
- Oh, no.
- Pearl?
- Whoopsy-daisy.
Steven, it's okay.
I'm gonna be just ...
No!
Pearl? Pearl!
Challenger defeated!
Level 1 failed.
- Steven!
- Steven!
I-I was just ... and ...
and she was trying to ...
Steven, it's okay.
Pearl's gonna be just fine.
- What do you mean?
- Sometimes if our
bodies are badly damaged, we
release our physical forms
and retreat to our gems to regenerate.
- So, she's gonna be okay?
- Don't worry, bud.
This kind of thing just happens
sometimes ... usually to me.
- Always to you.
- Hey, I'm scrappy.
What do you want?
So, how long will it take her to
regenerate ... 5 minutes, 10 minutes?
- What's taking so long?
- What up?
- He-e-ey.
- She's still not done?
Man, she's really taking her
time with this one.
Got to tell you, though, love
what you've done with the place.
- Pearl usually helps me tidy up.
- Ah, I say leave it.
Hey, if real Pearl can't be
here, there's always the next best thing!
Do you wish to engage in combat?
Steven, cover that
thing back up.
But it's like Pearl!
Look at it!
Ye-e-e-ah.
That ain't Pearl.
Well, maybe I can get
it to act like her.
Here we have... a mess.
Organizing messes is one of
Pearl's favorite hobbies.
Here. Pearl likes to organize
them by type ... animal,
humanoid, miscellaneous.
Now you try.
- You've drawn your sword in vain!
- What?! Aah!
Challenger defeated!
Maybe we need to try something else.
- I'm gonna do it.
- Go on, then.
Pearl always likes to tease
Amethyst when she does funny
stuff like this.
- I won't go easy on you this time!
- That's the spirit!
What are you rascals doing over here?
Draw your weapon, challenger!
Ugh. Steven, why are you
still hanging out with that thing?
It's gross.
I just really miss
spending time with Pearl.
Pearl will come back to
us in time, Steven. Have patience.
And stop hanging out with
that thing. It's creepy.
- Wh-o-o-o-o-oa!
- Hmm.
You had fun at the
boardwalk, right?
- Parry!
- Aw, come on.
You got to work with me here.
This is Pearl's favorite tree.
Don't you recognize it?
What's on your mind?
Come on. Don't hold back.
Challenge accepted!
What?!
Oh, no! The tree!
Challenger defeated!
Real Pearl would
never do that!
Rah! You're hopeless!
Get away from me!
It's too bad you're still not
back, Pearl, because I just
found a copy of the fifth
"Lonely Blade" movie!
How long are you gonna
make me wait, Pearl?
Oh, the popcorn's done.
Stay right there.
Do you wish to test your
skills against me in a duel?!
No!
No sword-fighting!
Draw your sword and fulfill
your destiny!
Huh? No!
Leave real Pearl and me alone!
Go back under your sheet.
- Brother, is that you?
- Yes, it's me ...
your...brother.
Your technique is...
Whoa!
This dub is really good.
- What do you think, Pearl?
- Parry!
- Brother!
- Just wait a minute.
You're not my real brother!
Aah!
Boomerang blade!
Your technique is impressive.
But it won't be enough.
It's about waiting carefully
for the perfect moment to ...
- Thrust!
The TV!
Why must you destroy the things I love?!
Challenger defeated!
Continue?
I hate you!
I hate you!
You're nothing like Pearl!
Pearl is smart, and she always
wants to protect me from danger!
All you want to do is fight me!
Challenge accepted!
All right, fine!
Basic attack mode initiated.
Parry! Parry! Thrust!
- Parry...
- Don't say that!
Parry! Parry! Thrust!
Basic attack mode defeated!
Now initiating advanced mode!
Walrus shield.
Snacks, pillow,
fuzzy flower, boomerang?
Boomerang!
Aah! Pearl!
I should have just waited for
you to come back!
I should have waited for...
...the perfect moment!
Boomerang blade!
Challenger wins!
Do you wish to duel again?
N-o-o-o-o-o!
- Steven, we heard fighting.
- Ow!
Are you all right?
What's going on?
Oh, just mopping.
Die!
You know, I might miss Pearl a
whole lot, but sometimes you
just have to accept things the
way they are before you ...
Never mind! Pearl's back!
That's much better.
- Ohh! Hey! Miss me much?
- Oh, man!
I had this whole thing planned
out for when you came back!
Uh, Steven, what
happened to your room?
I don't even want to know what
happened to you.
- I got hit by a airplane!
- Pearl's back!
Pearl's back!
- Steven, what are you doing?
- Pearl's back! Pearl's back!
Pearl's back!
Ugh. I can't leave you
guys alone for a second.
Pearl's back!
.
Oh, Lonely Blade, you so lonely.
.
.
What?! The janitor is
the evil samurai president?!
- That's bananas.
- Oh, come on. It was so obvious.
He's been mopping in the
background of every fight scene.
Look. Here he is on
the cover of the box.
Oh, yeah!
.
.
.
Go, Lonely, go!
- Do the boomerang blade again!
- Oh, come on.
This is ridiculous.
Just look at their form.
This is nothing like real
sword-fighting.
Shh!
It's just a movie, Pearl.
Well, if you ever want
to see a demonstration of proper
sword techniques,
I'd be happy to show you.
Now?
All right.
In order to give a proper
demonstration, I'm going
to need a sparring partner.
Luckily, I have the perfect
candidate right here.
- Cool! Hologram Pearl!
- Ah, geez.
Do you wish to engage in combat?
Let this be the perfect battle.
You've already made a mistake
by challenging me.
We shall let our swords decide.
Nerd!
- Shh!
- Shh!
Commencing duel.
Defense rank "S."
Zero openings detected.
- Go, Pearl, go!
- Go, Holo-Pearl!
Opening detected.
Hah!
Match. Set.
Challenger wins!
Whoo-hoo!
Yay, Pearl!
Do you wish to battle again?
Pearl! That was amazing!
You were so cool!
Oh, well.
One does try their best.
Will you teach me to
sword-fight like you?
All right, but
we should start with the basics.
Initiate training mode.
Training mode initiated.
Level 1. begin!
I want you to stand back,
Steven, and watch me carefully, okay?
Parry! Parry! Thrust!
Parry! Parry! Thrust!
Do you see what I'm
doing with my feet, Steven?
Parry! Parry! Thrust!
Notice where I keep my
center of gravity.
Aww.
Can you show me something cool,
like the boomerang blade?
Steven, you know that's
not a real sword technique.
Boomerang blade!
Boomerang blade!
- Boomerang blade!
- Steven, these are real
sword techniques, not those
silly things from your movie.
It's about waiting carefully for
the perfect moment to ...
Thrust!
- Whoa.
- Oh, no.
- Pearl?
- Whoopsy-daisy.
Steven, it's okay.
I'm gonna be just ...
No!
Pearl? Pearl!
Challenger defeated!
Level 1 failed.
- Steven!
- Steven!
I-I was just ... and ...
and she was trying to ...
Steven, it's okay.
Pearl's gonna be just fine.
- What do you mean?
- Sometimes if our
bodies are badly damaged, we
release our physical forms
and retreat to our gems to regenerate.
- So, she's gonna be okay?
- Don't worry, bud.
This kind of thing just happens
sometimes ... usually to me.
- Always to you.
- Hey, I'm scrappy.
What do you want?
So, how long will it take her to
regenerate ... 5 minutes, 10 minutes?
- What's taking so long?
- What up?
- He-e-ey.
- She's still not done?
Man, she's really taking her
time with this one.
Got to tell you, though, love
what you've done with the place.
- Pearl usually helps me tidy up.
- Ah, I say leave it.
Hey, if real Pearl can't be
here, there's always the next best thing!
Do you wish to engage in combat?
Steven, cover that
thing back up.
But it's like Pearl!
Look at it!
Ye-e-e-ah.
That ain't Pearl.
Well, maybe I can get
it to act like her.
Here we have... a mess.
Organizing messes is one of
Pearl's favorite hobbies.
Here. Pearl likes to organize
them by type ... animal,
humanoid, miscellaneous.
Now you try.
- You've drawn your sword in vain!
- What?! Aah!
Challenger defeated!
Maybe we need to try something else.
- I'm gonna do it.
- Go on, then.
Pearl always likes to tease
Amethyst when she does funny
stuff like this.
- I won't go easy on you this time!
- That's the spirit!
What are you rascals doing over here?
Draw your weapon, challenger!
Ugh. Steven, why are you
still hanging out with that thing?
It's gross.
I just really miss
spending time with Pearl.
Pearl will come back to
us in time, Steven. Have patience.
And stop hanging out with
that thing. It's creepy.
- Wh-o-o-o-o-oa!
- Hmm.
You had fun at the
boardwalk, right?
- Parry!
- Aw, come on.
You got to work with me here.
This is Pearl's favorite tree.
Don't you recognize it?
What's on your mind?
Come on. Don't hold back.
Challenge accepted!
What?!
Oh, no! The tree!
Challenger defeated!
Real Pearl would
never do that!
Rah! You're hopeless!
Get away from me!
It's too bad you're still not
back, Pearl, because I just
found a copy of the fifth
"Lonely Blade" movie!
How long are you gonna
make me wait, Pearl?
Oh, the popcorn's done.
Stay right there.
Do you wish to test your
skills against me in a duel?!
No!
No sword-fighting!
Draw your sword and fulfill
your destiny!
Huh? No!
Leave real Pearl and me alone!
Go back under your sheet.
- Brother, is that you?
- Yes, it's me ...
your...brother.
Your technique is...
Whoa!
This dub is really good.
- What do you think, Pearl?
- Parry!
- Brother!
- Just wait a minute.
You're not my real brother!
Aah!
Boomerang blade!
Your technique is impressive.
But it won't be enough.
It's about waiting carefully
for the perfect moment to ...
- Thrust!
The TV!
Why must you destroy the things I love?!
Challenger defeated!
Continue?
I hate you!
I hate you!
You're nothing like Pearl!
Pearl is smart, and she always
wants to protect me from danger!
All you want to do is fight me!
Challenge accepted!
All right, fine!
Basic attack mode initiated.
Parry! Parry! Thrust!
- Parry...
- Don't say that!
Parry! Parry! Thrust!
Basic attack mode defeated!
Now initiating advanced mode!
Walrus shield.
Snacks, pillow,
fuzzy flower, boomerang?
Boomerang!
Aah! Pearl!
I should have just waited for
you to come back!
I should have waited for...
...the perfect moment!
Boomerang blade!
Challenger wins!
Do you wish to duel again?
N-o-o-o-o-o!
- Steven, we heard fighting.
- Ow!
Are you all right?
What's going on?
Oh, just mopping.
Die!
You know, I might miss Pearl a
whole lot, but sometimes you
just have to accept things the
way they are before you ...
Never mind! Pearl's back!
That's much better.
- Ohh! Hey! Miss me much?
- Oh, man!
I had this whole thing planned
out for when you came back!
Uh, Steven, what
happened to your room?
I don't even want to know what
happened to you.
- I got hit by a airplane!
- Pearl's back!
Pearl's back!
- Steven, what are you doing?
- Pearl's back! Pearl's back!
Pearl's back!
Ugh. I can't leave you
guys alone for a second.
Pearl's back!