Steven Universe (2013–…): Season 1, Episode 15 - Onion Trade - full transcript

♪ We are the Crystal Gems ♪

♪ we'll always save the day ♪

# and if you think we can't #

# we'll always find a way #

- # that's why the people #
- # of this world #

- # believe in... #
- # Garnet #

- # Amethyst #
- # and Pearl #

♪ And Steven! ♪

1x15 - "Onion Trade"

- Amethyst!
- Outside, dude.

- Have you seen ranger guy?
- Excuse me?



Ranger guy. One of my guys.
You know... Guys?

G.U.Y.S.!
"Guys Under Your Supervision."

There's ninja guy,
construction guy, cop guy,

Eye guy, invisible guy,
jagged guy, cat guy, apple guy,

and my main man ranger guy,
the best of all the guys.

- He's gone missing. Have you seen him?
- What's that I hear?

You can't find your little men
in that super junky room of yours?

It's not that bad.

- How'd that get in there?
- You left your window

- wide open for things to just fly in and out.
- Aww, give him a break, P.

My room's messy, but I always
find what I'm looking for.

- Then why haven't you found my magic ax?
- I haven't looked for it yet.

Amethyst, go and find it right this second.

Hey, feel free to go
look for it yourself.



There's no way I'm going into that dump.

Pearl, all your
nagging's made Steven depressed.

- Is everything okay, Steven?
- Yeah. I'm fine.

Just have to break
the bad news to my dad.

Dad! Dad!

- I'm so sorry!
- Yeah, you're sorry.

Sorry you walked
through that door without

a hose in your hand, ready for battle!

- Wait!
- Man, you look sad and wet.

- What happened to your life, little guy?
- I... lost something.

- Something precious.
- Your innocence?

I lost ranger guy.
One of my guys from our special

day at the beach last summer.

You bought him for me
at the end of the day.

He was one of a kind.
He had a miscolored hat.

- How could you not remember?
- Oh.

Was this the same day we
ate that awesome funnel cake?

- Uh, huh?
- Yeah, man. That funnel cake...

- I even kept the plate. Come on!
- Cool balloons.

U, let's see here. Got
cans, napkins, oh, a yo-yo,

a book about yo-yo tricks, a
sandwich I've been meaning to

catch up on... Ow, my butt!

Wait.
What's your story again?

I lost my special ranger
guy, and I'm quite upset over it.

Huh. Well... here's
a bag full of quarters.

Now you can get all the guys you want.

- Thank you.
- What did you say?

Thank you!

We'll be reunited
soon, ranger guy. Here we go.

- And...
- Dave guy!

- What?!
- Lucky!

Not lucky!
He's, like, the worst guy.

Maybe he comes with
something cool. Taxes?

Come on, Dave guy!
Is this all you have to offer ...

a bunch of paperwork? Answer me!

- Thank goodness I have all these qauarters.
- Dave guy!

- No!
- Dave guy!

- Stop it!
- Dave guy!

Ranger guy!

This machine is out of guys.
Please try again another time.

It's over.

Huh?
Oh. Onion.

What are you doing?

He's got a ranger guy?!

Onion! Wait up!
Let's trade!

Which way did he go? Oh!
I guess he needs a suitcase.

Is he haggling with that guy?
He's a tough customer.

Looks like they worked
something out.

Huh? Did he get that guy's lunch?

I wonder how this is gonna play out.

Oh, man. Hey, good looking.

What the heck is he doing?!

He's not even hungry?!
Not the tomatoes!

Huh?

Hey. Is that Onion's dad?

I guess they don't need words.

Huh? He's leaving so soon?

Does Onion just... sit around
and wait for his dad all day?

Ranger guy! Okay. Let's do this.

Hey, Onion.
How are you?

That's good. That's good.

I couldn't help but notice that
you're a guys fan.

You know, guys?
The little man in your back pocket?

Yeah, ranger guy.
How would you like to trade that

boring old ranger guy
for a brand-spanking-new,

mint-in-box Dave guy!
Pretty nice, right?

Oh. I see where this is going.

You're getting quite the deal here...

with two Dave guys!
Yeah!

What? You want more?
Like... two more?

Five more. 10 more?

20 more.
This whole bag?

All 30 of these Dave guys
for just one ranger guy!

But there aren't any more.
The machine's empty.

I bought them all.
Where are you going?

Hey! Let's work something out.
Ranger guuuuy!

Ugh, stupid Dave guy.

Got no future, your haircut's
gross, you smell bad...

- You talking about Pearl?
- No.

I'm talking about dumb, old Dave guy.

I mean, just look at him.

Does it look like his
life is going anywhere?

Ah, cut him a break.

Maybe this is the year
he gets his life together.

Maybe he'll get a cool internship.

I doubt it. I can't
even trade 30 Dave guys

with Onion to get one ranger guy!

So, you need more of that little man

- to get some other little man.
- Yeah.

And the machine is sold out of them.

- What is that?
- Pearl's replicator wand.

You can use it to make copies of stuff.

You're magic. I'm sure you
can figure out how to use it.

Have you been sitting
here all day with this in your hair?

Nah. I got up to look for Pearl's
dumb ax but found that instead.

Then I replicated a bunch of garbage
and stuffed it all in Pearl's room.

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

Hey, Onion!

That makes 31!

You want more?
How about 32?

33?

34?
35?

36.

37.
38.

39.
40!

Enough!
What is it that you want?!

You mean... you want this?
For ranger guy?

We are on the scene
with ranger guy on beach patrol.

Things are looking just
great out here, Steven.

Yep. Everything is great.

Great.

Were you always this boring, ranger guy?

I used to be a doctor.

Maybe you're just
more fun around other ...

Guys? Dave guy?
I thought I saw the last of ...

Uh. Hey!
What's the big i... dea?

Onion!

This is ridiculous.
How did he get my replicator?

That child should not
be in possession of such an item.

- Aren't these Steven's little men? Oh!
- They're called "Guys!"

Can you please explain this mess?

I traded that
replicator for ranger guy.

Steven, why didn't
you just replicate ranger guy?

- Dang it!
- Let's go before this gets any worse.

Whoa! Uh.
How do you move in this stuff?

- Try and act like a rich duck.
- What does that mean?

Oh, my gosh! I just
wanted some ice cream.

- Hi, Greg.
- What the heck is going on out here?

Uh, you know, just doing our thing.

Hand it over.
It doesn't belong to you.

- This is not a game.
- What did he shoot?

Go under!

- At least it stopped raining toys.
- Ah! Rich duck!

Ooooonion!

Onion, please stop. Let's trade back.

You take ranger guy. He's the best.

He even has a miscolored h...

This is my ranger guy!
You traded me my own guy!

Our trade didn't count.

That didn't work.

I'm never letting
Amethyst borrow anything again.

- Garnet!
- I'm not cleaning up this mess.

I think I understand why
you took my ranger guy, Onion.

I bet you get pretty lonely
waiting for you dad all day.

You were probably really bored, too.

And 'cause you missed your dad,
you took my ranger guy,

which is a symbol of the
relationship I have with my dad.

No? Just the first thing?

Well, here.
You need him more than I do.

Let's go.

So, all the stuff
that got copied turned into nothing?

- Yep.
- Rats.

That was really cool what you
did back there.

- Thanks, Dad.
- But you went through all that trouble for a toy?

It was more about the
memories than the toy.

Now we have new memories ...

- horrible, horrible memories.
- Aww.