Step by Step (1991–1998): Season 5, Episode 5 - Maid to Order - full transcript

Wildcats, Wildcats,
hold that line.

They can't score
'cause you're so fine.

Wildcats, Wildcats,
you're the tough.

Run that ball and never stop.

Go, Wildcats!

Go, Wildcats!

So, what do you think?

You are just jealous
because I have a chance

to become head cheerleader.

Karen, I know you're into
this whole school-spirit stuff

but I just don't see
why anyone would want
to be a cheerleader



unless they were
a empty-headed teenybopper.

Go, Wildcats!

Wildcats, Wildcats,
it's your ball.

Take that ball
and score, score, score!

Go, Wildcats!

Carol, you're not trying out
for head cheerleader too,
are you?

Of course not.

But they chose
Becky Ann Frasier.

The tramp.

Anyway, that's all
in the past, isn't it?

Ready, go.

Wildcats, Wildcats,
it's your show.

Take that ball and go, go, go.

Go, Wildcats!



So, Ms. Butkus,
how would you describe

your approach to housekeeping?

Discipline.

I believe in obedience, order

and a strict adherence
to the rules.

Such as no sitting
on the arm of the couch.

And no putting your feet
on the coffee table.

Well, I'll tell you what.

We'll get back to you
real soon

about the housekeeping job.

Thank you, Mr. Lambert.

Wipe that smirk off your face.

She was scary.

Yeah, well, I got one more
interview left.

But she's running
a little late.

But, Dad, we gotta go.

Yeah, I know.
J.T., listen.

Carol's still at
the pediatrician
with the baby.

So, if this last one shows up
and she doesn't scare you

just get her number
and I'll call her back, okay?

-Sure, no problem.
-Okay, come on, son.

Truck's out back.

Hi, I'm Carrie Clark,
I'm here to apply

for the housekeeping position.

I apologize for being late.

No problem. No problem at all.
Please, please, sit down.

Sit down. Ha-ha.

Can I get you something
to drink?

Water? Juice?
Dry Chardonnay?

No, I'm fine, thanks.

So, I have to be
honest with you,

I've never been
a housekeeper before.

You see, I need to
do something to pay the bills
till I make it as model.

Model?

Is that your,
model picture thingy there?

Portfolio? Yes, I just
came from an audition.

Do you mind if I,
have a look?

Sure, go ahead.

Swimsuit.

Lingerie.

You're hired! You are.

- Hey, Cody.
- Hey.

Brendan said you needed
my boom box. What's up?

Man. I'm teaching
aerobics class in the backyard.

Got some major
babes out there.

They need some
music that's funky

'cause they don't
wanna be chunky.

- Major babes?
- Yeah.

Mind if I audit your class?

Audit away, boy wonder.

Thank you, thank you,
thank you.

-Hey, Codeman.
-Hey.

Cody...

I thought you said
you were teaching
some major babes.

Dude, these ladies
are all over 70.

If you get any more
major than that, dude,

you're in the ground.

Come on, Codeman,
the sooner we start movin'

the sooner me and the hubby
can start groovin'.

You got it.

Cody,
what is she talking about?

Well, hey.

The other day I was over
at Carol's beauty salon,

you know,
fixing the sink and,

I overheard
these ladies talking about how

their love life had gone
from hot-hot-hot

to, not-not-not.

You know what I mean.

Well, Cody,
they're in their seventies.

Isn't that kind of natural?

Au contraire, mi petitdude.

I mean, look, the body,
it's kind of like
an automobile engine, okay?

If you keep it finely tuned

you can expect a certain
high level of performance,

if you know what I mean?

Come on. There we go.

Alright, ladies.
Let's get lined up here now.

Loosen those legs?
Come on.

This ain't bingo night,
you know?

All right, here we go.

And one, up the steps.

And two, all the way down.

And up, and up.

Boy, heads will be turnin'
at the Sizzler tonight?

They can't score
'cause you're so fine.

Wildcats, Wildcats,
you're the top.

Run that ball and never stop.

Go, Wildcats!

That was just great,
everybody.

Now, I know
you all know that tomorrow

is tryouts
for head cheerleader.

So, I want you to get
plenty of rest, okay?

Okay.

My God. I'm so nervous.

Hi, honey. Hi.

Mom, what are you doin' here?

so I thought
I'd give you a ride home.

Mom, it's two blocks.

Well, I had
a little extra time.

Hi, I'm Carol Lambert,
class of '72.

I'm Karen's mother.

Karen's one
of our best cheerleaders.

Well, I guess it kind
of runs in the family.

I was a cheerleader myself.

Go, Wildcats.

Yeah.

No, that's...

Can still get up there.

That's great.

Actually, I was supposed
to be head cheerleader

my senior year,
but they gave it
to Becky Ann Frasier.

That tramp.

Well, it's been just great
talking to you

and hearing all about
your cheerleading career.

Buh-bye.

-Can we go, Mom?
-No, no, no.

We have a lot of work to do.

Well, honey, I was watching
the entire practice

through that little window
over there and, really,

your high kick
has no extension at all.

We have to work
on your hamstrings.

But, Mom,
I have algebra homework.

Right. And when is algebra
gonna help you in real life?

Come on, come on, come on.

Okay, get that ankle up
and over your head

like that Becky Ann Frasier,
that tramp.

Come on, come on, come on,
higher, come on.

One, and kick,
and two, and kick.

Higher! Higher!

Higher! Higher!

J.T., I just cannot believe

that you hired a housekeeper
without my approval.

Dad, I just didn't want
to take a chance

on somebody else hiring her.

Well, she had better be good.

She's way past good.

-Hi, J.T.
-Hi, come on in.

Dad, I want you
to meet our new housekeeper,

Miss Carrie Clark.

Hi. Hi.

I really appreciate J.T.
giving me this chance.

I mean, especially since
I've never done
any housekeeping before.

Really?

Well, the...

out of the living room here.

- Walk with me?
- Sure.

Just,
make yourself at home.

Not bad?

Yeah. Hand me
that cushion, son, would you?

Are you out of your mind?

You hired a housekeeper with
absolutely no qualifications.

What? No qualifications?

Did you see those legs?

What?

Let me
help you with those.

I'm Carrie Clark,
the new housekeeper.

Isn't that nice?

Excuse me. Frank...

Frank.
I just met the new maid.

Pack your bags,
you're moving out.

Now, wait a minute,
this is not my fault.

J.T. hired her
without my approval.

Fine, you can stay.
J.T., you're out.

Well, Carol, I am just shocked
at your sexist attitude.

I mean, just because Carrie
has the most sensuous body,

pouty lips,

and legs that just go on
and on and on...

Where was I going with this?

-J.T.--
-Dad, just 48 hours.

That's all I'm asking okay?

Okay, okay, 48 hours.

But she had better
do a good job.

I think your garbage
disposal's broken.

Well, it was fine
this morning.
What happened?

I kind of dropped
your car keys in it.

Twenty-four hours.

Wow, Carrie,
you are doing such a good job.

You mind if I,
take a picture

to see
if my new camera works?

-Sure.
-All right. Smile.

-Yup, it works.
-I'll be right back.

I'm gonna go dump these
in the washing machine.

Smile.

-Hey.
-Hey.

Who's that?

That's the new maid.

Get out of town.

It's true. J.T. hired her
based on her

extensive experience
as a lingerie model.

You gotta get out more.

Man. Hires Jessica Rabbit
to be the new maid.

Lame.

Hey, Dana,
do you mind if I vacuum?

-Well--
-Well, no, she doesn't.

Vacuum away.

What happened?

Heh, well,

either J.T. shook out
his gym socks

or somebody forgot
to put in a vacuum bag.

J.T., you must hate me.

No, no, no, I love you.

I mean I love your willingness
to admit a mistake.

It shows real growth
as a housekeeper.

In fact,
maybe I should capture
this moment on film?

What do you say?
Smile.

I'll just go grab
a new bag out of the garage.

You are such a pig.

You are like
a disgusting old pervert,

running around,
taking pictures
of this sex kitten.

Hey, hey, hey, I will not

have you talking
about Carrie like that, okay?

She happens to be
a very special
person. All right?

And I could be wrong, but,

I think there is something
happening here between us.

You think that you

I think if Carrie
spends enough time around me,

love could bloom.

Yeah, well,
love better bloom quick.

'Cause she's gonna get fired,
and all you're gonna have left

are your pathetic
little pictures.

Look, Carrie is not
gonna get fired.

This house
is gonna be spotless.

Even if I have
to clean it myself.

You can't even clean
your ears.

Well, that's because
I've never had the proper

motivation before, now, have I?

Now, move your butt,
I got a house to clean.

You did the best tryout.

You're definitely
gonna get head cheerleader.

No way.

You have the best high kick.

Hi, Karen.

Have they announced
the winner yet?

Mother, what are you
doing here?

I am here
to support my daughter.

Where are the other mothers?

They're not here.

They have lives.

And I want you
to know it was very tough

because you all did
a terrific job.

But our new
head cheerleader is...

- Karen...
- Yes!

...Covington.

Come and look
at the schedule with me, okay?

I'm so happy.
You were all so great.
We all should've won.

This is not fair.
You should've been
head cheerleader.

-Mom, it's not a big deal.
-Yes, it is.

We worked
way too hard for this.

We were robbed.

We?

I get it.

This isn't about me.
It's about you.

No. No. It's just that I don't
want you to suffer like I did.

I mean, something like this
could haunt you for years.

You were haunted for years

Wow, and people think
I'm shallow.

Well, okay, maybe, "haunted"
is the wrong word, but...

I deserved
to be head cheerleader.

It really bugged me that
they chose Becky Ann Frasier.

That tramp.

Mom, it's been 25 years.
Let it go.

and you can still fit
into your high school
cheerleading uniform?

Yeah.

And that's after four babies.

-Carol.
-Yes?

Yes, do I know you?

Yeah, we were cheerleaders
together.

I'm Becky Ann Frasier.

Hi!

Actually, it's Covington now.

I just came
to pick up my daughter.

She just made
head cheerleader,
isn't that great?

Super.

Well, I gotta run.
It's so great seeing you.

Great to see you too!

Tramp.

Havin' a good time, son?

Dad. I was just,
you know, working out.

They say that, vacuuming
builds up the pecs, you know?

Son, it's time to say goodbye
to Carrie the Wonder Maid.

-But, Dad...
-No. It's over, pal.

Now, are you gonna tell her
or you want me to?

Carrie.

Can I talk to you
for a minute?

I'm sorry about the dish.

Ha-ha, it's no problem.
They're old anyways.

My great grandmother's.

I'm sorry.

Look...

This is kind of hard
for me to say, but...

I'm not really
working out, am I?

he's kind of
a neat freak, you know.

Come on, J.T.,
let's be honest here.

Look, I stink at this job.

The only reason
you even hired me

was because of the way I look.

Does that make me a pig?

No, it doesn't make you a pig.

All right,
so the camera thing was
getting a little weird, okay?

But basically,
you're a normal guy.

You know, J.T., you hired me
for all the wrong reasons.

But I really appreciate you
giving me a shot.

Sure.

-Bye.
-Bye.

It's so hard
to find good help.

Cody?.

Hey-hey, Agnes, Dottie.
You girls are here early.

It's your fault,
you got us in better shape.

Now, we're walking faster
and feeling frisky.

Is it a bull market
in the boudoir these days?

Well, it would be
except for one thing.

Our husbands
can't keep up with us.

And that's why we need you.

Now, now, ladies.

that student teacher distance
thing happenin', you know?

Dear, relax.
We don't want your bod.

We just want you
to whip our husbands
into shape.

Come on. They're in the back.

Color me relieved.

All right, gentlemen,
how you doin'?

Hey, hey, guys.

-Hi, Cody.
-Hey.

Now, I know it's a sensitive
subject. Ha-ha.

But the ladies have been
telling me that

Well, sounds like some
endurance training to me.

You know, get your wind up.

So, how about
some jumping jacks?

There we go. Come on.
Let's get into it.

Let's get cookin' before those
ladies start lookin'?

Throw your back into it.
That's it.

One leg if you got it.
That's the spirit.

All right, all right.
Hey, here's an idea.

Let's try and
leave the ground.
Okay.