Step by Step (1991–1998): Season 4, Episode 11 - Make Room for Daddy - full transcript

Gee, honey, what are
you doing? Starting
a restaurant or what?

Well, you know,
with the baby
coming next spring,

things are going
to be kind of hectic.

So, I'm planning meals
for the next seven months.

You know, that way,
when I go into labor,

I can just pop a casserole
into the oven,

go to the hospital,
have the baby, and be
home in time for dessert.

Carol, don't you think
this is a little,
kind of... Nuts?

Frank, it is not going
to be easy having
a baby in my forties.

I mean, I've got to plan
ahead, otherwise,

I won't have the energy
to take care of everyone.



Here, dice these.

Carol, I really think
you're going a little
overboard here.

What you need
is some time off.

So, I'm going to take you
away for the weekend.

Frank, I can't.
I was going to check out
pre-schools this weekend.

Pre-schools?
Honey, you're two months
pregnant.

The kid is the size
of a grape.

Carol, I'm going to take you
away for the weekend.

I can't Frank, I really...

We can play,
"The lonely heiress
and the tennis pro."

Well, I do love
to volley with you...

Bjorn.

Yes!

Good, the geezers are gone.



Dibs on the living room.

Forget it, White Meat.
The living room's mine.

No way, I've got a hot date.

Yeah, right. Do you have
to blow her up or does
she already come inflated?

Don't mess with me, JT.

I'm pumped up on hormones

and I can kick your butt
without breaking a sweat.

Don't push your luck, pal.

You get one free
and then you die.

You want a piece of me?

Take your best shot.

Come on, bring it on, Meat.
I'm taking you down.

Hey!

What's with the 'tude, dude?

JT wants
the living room tonight,

but I'm supposed to have
my rendezvous with Gabrielle.

Yeah, right, like some girl's
going to play kissy-face
with your milky little chops.

Nah, the little dude
speaks the truth, man.

He's got a hot date
with a cute little
computer cupcake.

Yeah. He met her
while he was hitchhiking

on the information
super highway.

I don't care.
I'm the oldest,

so I should have first
crack at the living room.

Well, all right, JT,
who's your date with?

Well, I, I don't
exactly have one yet.

But check this out, okay.

Last week I was at the mall
and this girl smiled at me,

so I'm going to go
back there and see
if she's still there.

Lame.

Dude, Mark
gets the living room.

Dudesie.

Buddy! Thought I wouldn't?

Guess what?

I have a great night
planned for us.

I bought a bunch
of women's magazines

and thought
we could sit around
and have a girls night.

A girls' night.

Are we going to paint
each other's toenails
and have a pillow fight?

Come on, Dana,
this will be fun.

They have quizzes

like, um,
"Taking Your Love Temperature"

and "How Soon Is
Too Soon To Kiss A Boy?"

Right,
like we need a magazine
to tell us that.

How soon is too soon?

See, this will be
very educational.

What do you say?

All right.

I guess there's only
so much Tolstoy
a person can take.

Good. Okay.

Now the first
quiz is called,
"Looking For Mr. Right."

Question number one.

"What is the sexiest
part of a guy's body?"

Dana?

Um...

Sexiest part of
a guy's body? His mind.

Get real.

Dana, it's just us girls.

You, you don't have
to do your intellectual
ice queen bit.

Forget it, Karen.

She doesn't have the guts
to show us the real Dana.

All right.

You guys want
to see the real Dana?

I'll tell you what
the sexiest part
of a guy's body is.

His butt.

A nice hard butt

in tight jeans

so that when he walks,
you can see the muscles move

like a beautiful
sculptured masterpiece.

Back and forth,

and back and forth,

and back and forth.

Put me down for what she said.

Okay, nice hard
butts all around.

Yeah.

Here we go, folks.

The honeymoon suite.

Thanks for the help, Bar.

Frank, a fireplace.

- Yeah.
- Frank,
this is so romantic.

- I want
to take a picture.
- Okay.

Dear, I forgot
my camera in the car.
I'll be right back.

So, are you guys newlyweds?

No, no, we've been
married for four years.

We just feellike newlyweds.

That's why we came
up here, you know,
a little romantic getaway.

Yeah.

I remember when me
and the missus used
to, get away

for a little cruise
on the Love Boat.

But then we had a baby
and ever since then,

the Love Boat's
been in dry dock.

Never should have had
a kid in our forties.

Big mistake.

You know, it just,

sucked the life right
out of our marriage.

You, you really think that
was because of your age?

Yeah. You have
a baby after you're forty,

well, man, you can just kiss
your sex life good-bye.

Gabrielle, prepare
to meet your love destiny.

Dude, I love opera.

A bunch of fat old guys
singing about love and death.

It's awesome.

Opera's nice,
but I prefer Cole Porter.

His lyrics really get
my mojo working.

Listen, Mark, I am
the chaperone for this
little soiree here tonight.

So, you keep a lid
on your mojo

or I'll chaperone
your butt into
an ice bucket.

Yes! She's here!

I hope she's blonde.

I hope she's leggy.

I like 'em leggy.

Mark, don't make me slap you.

Hello Gabrielle.

Um, no, I'm not Gabrielle.

I'm her older sister, Renee.

I'm just here to drop her off.

Come on, Gabrielle!
I'm really sorry,
she's kind of shy.

Hi, I'm Gabrielle.

Hi.

Well, Gabrielle, come on in.

Entree. Entree.

Dude, take her coat.

Awkward moment.

Sorry. I'm a little nervous.

You're a lot more handsome
than I expected.

Um, you'll have to excuse me.

I, I need to go
get some aspirin.

I got a headache.

Well, hey, Gabrielle, why
don't you grab a seat,
take a load off there,

and I'll go and try
to find out what's
wrong with Mark's head.

God!

I don't get it, dude.

You've been psyched to death
about this date all week, man,

and now you're acting
like, well, kind of
a dill weed.

Cody, I'm kind
of disappointed.

I mean, I was
expecting filet mignon

and instead, I got
a quarter pounder
with cheese.

Mark Archibald Foster...

I'm surprised at you.

Dude, you know
that looks are just like

the shell on the lobster,

the cocoon on the butterfly,

the hair on the coconut.

Hey, what's really
important is what's
inside a person.

I know that, Cody.

My brain says
"looks don't matter"

but my body says,
"Daddy wants some sugar."

Easy there, Mark.
You're starting to sound
like a bad jazz musician.

I know.
I'm not proud of myself,

but what am I supposed to do?

Well, just think about what
got you psyched for her
in the first place:

it was her mind.

Well, she does have
a pretty foxy brain.

She can do things
with an algebraic equation
that will make your hair curl.

Yeah, well, get out there
and get curly, buddy!

Sorry about that, Gabrielle.

I'm feeling a lot better now.

Good.

So, how about some music?

Sure.

Do you like opera?

Yeah, it's okay.

Though personally,
I prefer Cole Porter.

Really?

You like Cole Porter?

Yeah.

His lyrics really get
my mojo working.

Me, too.

Now, isn't this nice, honey?

Just the two of us.

-Frank.
-What?

I was thinking...

I'd really like to put
little lamb wallpaper
in the baby's room,

but, you know,
what if it's a boy?

-Well, Carol I...
-I know, ducks.

They're neutral.
Everybody loves ducks.

They're good for boys,
they're good for girls.

You know, there's Donald Duck,
and Daffy Duck,
and the Mighty Ducks...

Yeah, Carol, listen,
we've got plenty of time
to settle this duck thing.

-Yeah.
-Let's just figure out what
we want for dinner, okay?

That's a good idea.

Well, what looks
good to you, Frank?

I don't know.
Maybe this chicken
with rosemary.

Rosemary.

What a pretty name for a baby.

You know, Frank,
if we had a girl,
we could call her Rosemary.

Or Rose. Or Mary.
Or Mary Rose.

Carol, listen, honey...

I know you're really
excited about the baby,

but we're just here
for the two of us.

Can't we send the little
tyke back to its womb
for the night?

You're right.
I won't talk about
the baby any more tonight.

Aw...

Honey. That's our song.

Let's dance?
You want to dance?

I'd love to Frank,
but I'm pooped.

It must be the pregnancy.

Yes, well rest.
We'll just rest.
We'll rest.

Besides, I want to save
all my energy for later.

- Frank.
- What?

There's the little baby
I saw in the parking lot
today.

Isn't he the cutest?

Cute as a button.

Hi, hi..

He's just the sweetest.

Yes, you are.
You're just a wittle cutie.

Would you like to hold him?

Yes.

Hello, hello

Look,
he's kicking his legs.

Do you wanna dance?

Do you wanna dance?

Yes, that's right.

Well, that's it.
We're all out of quizzes.

I know what we'll do.
Ha, we'll make up
our own quiz.

Yes. Okay.

All right, this is going
to be hot, okay.

What is your fantasy

of being swept off
your feet by a guy?

- Me first.
- Okay.

Um... All right.

The Dallas Cowboys have just
won their tenth Super Bowl

and Troy Aikman
has been named MVP.

Now, he's just about
to run off the field
when someone asks,

"Hey, Troy, you've just
won the Super Bowl.

"What are you
going to do now?"

And he says, "I'm taking
Al Lambert to Disneyland."

Yeah, all right, yeah.

Yeah...

Okay. My turn.

All right, I am
at the Academy Awards

and I've just won
an Oscar for best...

Everything.

Anyway, Tom Cruise,

who has admired me from afar,

is so captivated by my...

Everything, that he
dumps that Nicole person

and whisks me off to Malibu
in that tasty little Mercedes

he drove in The Firm.

Good one, yeah.

You call
those fantasies?

Please.
Listen and learn.

All right...

Picture this.

The New Mexico Desert.

A deserted highway.

It's hot.

It's dusty.

My car is broken down.
I'm stranded.

Suddenly,

from out of nowhere

comes a man on a Harley.

Now...

This is not just any man,

but Brad Pitt.

Wow.

He is wearing
nothing but tight, ripped
jeans and a smile.

Sweat is trickling
down his chest

and over that rippled,
washboard stomach.

He pulls over.

I hop on his bike.

And I have nothing to hold
onto but his chest hair as
we ride off into the sunset.

I have never been
so proud to be your sister.

Frank.

Frank, a fire,
it's so romantic.

Well, romantic is
my middle name.

Frank, you know,
when I was in the bathroom,

-I just had
the greatest idea.
-No, don't, don't.

-Whisper it in my ear.
-Okay.

Why don't
we make our own baby food?

What?

You know, we can
buy our own vegetables
and puree them.

They'd be really
good for the baby.

Carol, would you
stop with the baby!

Frank, what is your problem?

My problem is this weekend
was supposed to be for us

and all you've done
is talk about the baby.

It's like all baby radio.
All baby all the time.

I get what
this is all about.

You're not happy
we're having a baby.

I love the idea that
we're having a baby.

But I would like
to have a wife.

You have a wife.
I'm right here.

No, no, your body is here,
but your mind is always
on the baby.

Honey, you're only two
months pregnant and I feel
like I'm invisible already.

Carol, you are not
just my wife,

you're my best friend.

I feel like I've lost
my best friend.

You do?

Well, yeah. I do.

Frank!

I had no idea
you felt that way.

Honey, I know it's,
it's hard for you, I mean,

the baby is in there.
You're its mother.

It's growing. It needs you.

But I'm your husband.

I need you, too.

Frank.

I just have been
so obsessed with the baby
and being a good mom,

I guess I haven't
been fair to you.

Frank, I love you so much.

I would never want you
to feel invisible.

Will you forgive me, please?

Yeah...

May I have this dance?

Okay.

Check.

Check.

Check mate.

Wow.

No one's ever
beaten me at chess before.

Well, get used to it, baby.

How about a game
of Trivia Challenge?

I'll let you
pick the category.

Okay.

"World Capitals."

You vixen.

Ethiopia?

Addis Ababa.

Azores?

Ponta Delgada.

Burkina Faso?

Ouagadougou.

The United Arab Emirates?

Abu Dhabi.

Hand check.

Okay, but I want
to see three feet
on the floor at all times,

or I'm gonna turn
the hose on you.