Step by Step (1991–1998): Season 2, Episode 6 - The Boss - full transcript

[device whirring]

Okay, it just needs
a second to warm up.

Oh, cool.

Alright! The Punisher.

[chuckles]
Wanted in willful death
and destruction.

Gotta love that.

[chuckles]

Hey, little dudes, what's that?

A lie detector.

Ah! Book 'em, Danno.

[chuckles]
Where did you get it?



My science teacher built it
and let me take it home

to do some extra credit work.

Wow.

- Can I try it?
- Sure, give me your arm.

Okay,
now when you tell the truth

the green light will go on
and the machine will beep.

Watch. Cody, what is your name?

Cody Lambert.

[beeps]

Hey, I was right.

[chuckles]

Well, what happens
if someone tells a lie?

Here, I'll show you.
Cody, I want you to answer yes

to whatever I ask you
even if it's a lie.



You got it, dude.

- Are you a girl?
- Yes.

[buzzes]

- Do you sell life insurance?
- Yes.

[buzzes]

Have you ever been abducted
by aliens from Mars?

Yes.

[beeps]

Whoa, then it wasn't a dream.

[theme song]

[all screaming]

♪ The dream got broken
seemed like all was lost ♪

♪ What would be the future?
Could you pay the cost? ♪

♪ You wonder will there ever be
a second time around? ♪

♪ Whoa when the tears are over
and the moment has come ♪

♪ Say my Lord
I think I found someone ♪

♪ You know it will be better ♪

♪ 'Cause you're puttin' it
together ♪

♪ For the second time around ♪

♪ Step by step ♪

♪ Day by day ♪♪ Day by day ♪

♪ A fresh start over
a different hand to play ♪

♪ The deeper we fall
the stronger we stay ♪

♪ It will be better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪

♪ Step by step day by day ♪

♪ We'll make it better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪♪

- Hi, honey.
- Hi. Oh, Frank.

You know, I'm paying bills
and I have a question to ask.

Why are you spending $52

on a subscription
to "Tractor Pull Digest?"

Oh, w-well, honey, I know
that sounds like a lot of money

but it's not just
for the subscription.

With it, you also get
a touch-tone tractor phone.

[laughs]
And a T-shirt.

It says "We do it in the mud."

W- which I, uh, won't
be actually wearing.

Hey, guys,
have we got good news for you.

Yeah, J.T. and I just got jobs
at the new '50s Cafe.

Isn't that cool?

Ten million people out of work
and they hired you?

Why is that such a shock?

Because around here,
you don't do diddly.

That's 'cause around here,
you don't pay diddly.

Hey, everybody.
Guess what I got today.

I don't know, barky.
A matching leash and collar?

Oh, J.T., you're gonna wish
you hadn't said that.

I was just down
at the '50s Cafe.

Oh, really,
I just got a job there.

- I'm a waitress.
- I know.

- And I'm a waiter.
- I know.

I got a job there too.
I'm the assistant manager.

Which means I am your boss.

Bow-wow.

Okay, J.T.,
way to butter up the boss.

Okay, everything's all set up.
Anything else, Mr. Passarelli?

Ah.

Good, good, good.

Go.. Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.

Good, good.

Now, Dana,
you're my assistant manager

so I'm counting on you
to run a tight ship.

No problem. You're the boss.

That's right, I'm the boss.

I own this place.

I bought it
with my wife's money.

Oh, will she be
coming down here too?

No, never, she'd kill me

if she knew
I bought a restaurant.

She thinks
I bought a Fotomat booth.

You mean you're never gonna
tell her about the cafe?

Oh, yeah, I-I will,
but after this is a big success.

- And that's where you come in.
- I'll do my best.

Now I know Karen and J.T.
are your family

but you're in charge.

So as long as you're here,
you have to pretend

you're not related to them.

[scoffs]
Wait a second.

I get paid to pretend
I'm not related to J.T.?

- Mm.
- Talk about your dream job.

Well, what do you think,
Mr. Passarelli?

Karen, that is a great look
for the restaurant.

And even more important,
it's a great look for me.

We're all ready to go,
Mr. Passarelli.

[chuckles]
Good, good.

Dana, this is Scott and Billy,
the cooks.

Scott and Billy, this is Dana,
my assistant manager.

- Hi, Dana.
- Hi, Dana.

- Hi, Karen.
- Hi, Karen.

Oh, you know Karen?

Of course, they do.
They're boys.

- Where's J.T.?
- He's putting on his uniform.

He's not real happy about it.

Man, this beanie
is totally lame.

I feel like Ozzie
and Harriet's rabbi.

Listen, Cubby, the beanie's
part of the whole '50s look.

So lose the attitude
or lose the job.

Woo!

I like to see
my assistant manager

kick a little butt.

It almost feels like
I did it myself.

Okay, crew.
It's almost time to open.

Everybody, go punch in.

Oh, and if anybody
needs to make a pit stop

they better go now.

Okay, I'll go,
but I really don't have to.

Oh, no, no, no,
not you, Mr. Passarelli.

- You're the boss.
- That's right, I'm the boss.

And if I don't have to go,
I'm not going.

Well, it's almost time to open.

That's right.
I'll go unlock the door.

[engine rumbling]

That must be the DJ I hired!

Hi.

[engine rumbling]

Hey, sorry, Mr. P.

I'll fix those brakes
right after work.

Mr. Passarelli, are you sure

you hired the right guy
to be your DJ?

Of course, he's the right guy.
He's working for free.

Hey, I'd pay to work this job.

I get to listen to '50s tunes.

I get to dress like my idol,
what's his name?

The Fonz. Whoa.

No, Ed,
down at the Texaco station.

Did you know
that he lifted a car off

another mechanic's legs
with his bare hands?

Of course, if he'd have looked
before he backed up

he wouldn't have parked
on the other guy's legs

in the first place.

Well, I gotta go.

I'm takin' my wife out to lunch.

- Oh, where are you takin' her?
- Wherever she wants to go.

Oh, my God. What if she wants
to come here to eat?

Listen, if I come back here
with a very large woman

you don't know me.

Karen, J.T., we're open.

Man your stations. Chop, chop.

Cody, hit the turntable.

[Dana]
Grab those menus, J.T.

[upbeat music]

Hi,
and welcome to the '50s Cafe.

Can I get you something
to drink?

Yes, we'd like some water,
uh, Chubby.

- That's Cubby.
- Oh.

Mm, excuse me, uh

but here at the '50s Cafe,
the customer is always right.

So go get that water, Chubby.

[chuckles]
He's a little sensitive
about his weight.

Frank, I really appreciate you
being my guinea pig

for this little experiment.

[chuckles]
Glad to help, Mark.

- Ready, dad?
- Ready.

What is your full name?

Franklin Delano Lambert.

[beeps]

Delano? I'd have lied
about that one.

I usually do, son.

You know,
this really ticked me off.

I keep asking
these Delicate Moments people

to take my name off
their mailing list

but they keep sending me these
lingerie catalogues, anyway.

- I can't figure it out.
- Uh, me neither, honey.

[buzzes]

Frank, what do you know
about these lingerie catalogues?

[sighs]
Nothing.

[buzzes]

Why, Frank Lambert

are you putting my name
on the mailing list?

[chuckles]
Of course not.

[buzzes]

No, honey, I'll tell you

there's somethin' wrong
with this machine.

[buzzes]
Just shut up!

Carol, I just wanna say
Dana is a slime-sucking

bottom-feeding
barrel of pond scum.

J.T., that is my daughter
you're talking about.

I know,
that's why I cleaned it up.

Mom, I have never worked
so hard in my entire life.

And I'm head cheerleader.

You know, I think you kids

just aren't used
to workin' hard.

When I was your age,
I was goin' to school

and workin' a ten-hour day.

[buzzes]

Alright, it was a five-hour day.

[buzzes]
Alright, it was a paper round.

Now take that thing off of me!
Get it..

[J.T.]
'Okay, two chili burgers,
a vanilla shake'

and a root beer
comin' right up.

Okay, we got a major dedication
comin' your way.

This one's from Peter to Laura.

He says he's sorry
he stretched your sweater

but he had a really good time
at the movies last night.

♪ Big girls don't cry ♪

♪ Big gilrs don't cry ♪♪

Order in.

[sighs]

J.T., the people at table 6
are ready to order.

- I'm going as fast as I can.
- Well, it's not fast enough.

Karen, table 4 is ready
for their check.

- I'm working on it.
- What is taking so long?

Well, there's a cute boy
at that table

so I'm drawing a happy face
and signing my name.

It's my way of saying
even though I look out of reach

I'm not.

Karen, this is a restaurant,
not the "Love Connection."

Dana, I've been working
for four hours without a break.

Cut me some slack.
I'm your sister.

[scoffs]
Not here.

Here, you're my employee.

My slow employee, okay.

So knock it off
with the artwork.

As long as I'm the boss, I don't
wanna see any happy faces.

Don't worry, you won't.

- Hello.
- Hi.

♪ She's a female she's 17 ♪

♪ I thought you smiled at me ♪♪

- Boy, am I beat.
- Me too.

If I don't get a break soon,
I'm gonna die.

What is this?
A mannequin festival?

There are people out there
who need service.

Hey, give us a break.
We're doing the best we can.

Well, your best stinks.

Yeah, well, not as much
as workin' for you.

Hey, you can't talk to me
like that. I'm your boss.

- Not anymore, I quit.
- Me too.

Here, and I think you know
what to do with this.

Hey, hey,
what's goin' on out here?

- Karen, are you're quitting?
- You bet I am.

- Then we quit too.
- What?

The only reason
we put up with you

was so we could look at Karen.

Wow, how about that?
I'm a fringe benefit.

Wait a minute,
you guys don't have to quit.

Karen, you've gotta
come back to work.

- No way.
- Please, you're my sister.

Oh, no, not here.

Here, I'm just your employee

your slow employee

who happens to be free tonight
if anyone's interested.

I'm interested.

I'm out of here too.
Hasta la vista,baby.

Fine! Leave!
Who needs you, you little creep?

- I can handle this myself.
- Bye.

Hi, may I help you?

Yes, we're here
with our Mommy and Me group.

Uh, we'd like a table for twelve
with six highchairs.

Miss, we're ready to order!

Hey, where's my cheeseburger?

[female #1]
'Hey, I ordered some chili.
Where is it?'

♪ She's my woppity wop
my doopity doo ♪

♪ My ooh ah my ooh ooh ♪

♪ Sweet honey ♪

♪ Ah ah sweet doopity doo ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Baby ♪♪

Thanks very much.

I hope we didn't make
too much of a mess.

[chuckles]
It's no problem.

We were gonna hose down
the ceiling, anyway.

Hey, how long does it take
to make a cheeseburger?

And where's my side of chili?

Uh, you'll have it in a minute.

Uh, Cody,
I- I need you in the kitchen.

I have more orders
for you today.

Well, once again,
we have to take a short break

while your host with the most
gets out those BLTs on toast.

This one goes out
to table number 9

because they've been waiting
45 minutes for their order, oh!

♪ Hold on
just a little bit longer ♪♪

Oh, wow. Look at this place.

Isn't it great?

Looks like that movie,
"American Graffiti."

Oh, I love that movie.

You know, I'm still lookin' for
the blond in the white T-Bird.

Yeah, well,
keep your eyes open, Frank.

You never know
when she might show up.

Yeah, right.

Hi, welcome to the '50s Cafe.
Smoking or non-smoking?

Hey, Dana, it's us.

We just came down to see
how you're doing.

I'm fine.
Everything is under control.

I'm fine.

You don't seem fine.
Where are Karen and J.T.?

- They quit.
- Why?

Uh, I don't know. I guess they
couldn't handle the pressure.

- 'Miss?'
- Shut up! I'm busy.

Don't you have any help at all?

Sort of.

Okay, who ordered
double onion burger

with this, uh, really
gross-lookin' cheese on it?

Okay, dude.

Well, if I was you,
I'd pop some breath mints

before I kiss the missus,
you know what I'm saying?

Hey, is my cheeseburger
coming or not?

It's coming. It's coming.

Mom, Frank, I am dying here.

You've gotta help me out.

You want us to wait tables?

Oh, please, I'd do it for you.

No, you wouldn't.

Okay, I wouldn't,
but this is your chance

to teach me
how to be a better person.

Oh, come on, Frank,
she needs some help.

Well, okay.

Oh, thanks, guys.
The uniforms are in the back.

Oh, goodie, uniforms.

Oh, hey, Dana,
I think I figured out

why that guy's cheeseburger
looked so gross.

Do all our cheese slices
have this, uh

weird plastic
wrapped all over them?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

We're havin' a little recall
on cheeseburgers.

Sorry about that.

'Okay.'

[pop song]

Frank, you're doing
a great job.

- Thank you.
- But you're doing it too slow.

Is there any chance you could
forget you're middle-aged

and kick it into overdrive?

I'd like to kick somethin'
into overdrive.

Okay, cheeseburger with..

And a double cheeseburger
with fries.

If you want anything else,
just ask for Annette.

Hey, Annette.

After work,
you wanna go to a drive-in?

- Are you gonna try anything?
- Of course not.

Then forget it.

Mom, there's food
getting cold over here.

Frank, those tables
still need to be bussed.

Let's hustle.
Hustle, hustle, hustle.

[blows]

Okay, Frank, I-I know that
Dana's being a little bossy.

- But she's not that bad.
- Are you kidding?

Leona Helmsley treated her help
better than this.

Yeah, well, well, let's just
get through tonight

and we'll deal with Dana later.

[sighs]

Frankie, Annette, what is this?
A beach party?

We've got work to do.
Let's move that poodle skirt.

Or we'll deal with her
right now.

Oh, Dana, can I speak to you
for a minute, please?

We have a little problem

that only the assistant manager
can handle.

What's the problem?

- The assistant manager.
- The assistant manager.

Wait, what's this?
Put me down.

Dana, we are your parents

and we don't like the way
you're treating us.

I'm sorry, but I can't
treat you like parents.

I have to treat you
like employees. I'm the boss.

Yeah, but, Dana, being the boss

doesn't mean
bossing everyone around.

Frank and I
wouldn't dream of treating

our employees the way you do.

In fact, if we did,
we wouldn't have any employees.

Have I been that bad?

Well, let me put it this way,
Dana.

If this were the land of Oz

a big house would have
dropped on you.

Dana, being the boss
means motivating people

creating an atmosphere
where people want to work hard.

People don't wanna do anything

if their boss is yelling
at them all the time.

You have to treat people
the way you'd wanna be treated.

You're right.

I'm sorry, I guess
I just got carried away.

That's okay.
Don't be too hard on yourself.

You're only 16.

It takes a while to learn what
we slow middle-aged folk know.

I get your point.

- Dana?
- 'Over here.'

Oh, hi, Dana. How's it going?
Everything under control?

Whoa, ho! Fire!

Fire?

But don't worry,
I got it all under control.

Everything's okay.

Okay, is there anybody out there
that likes their burgers

really, really well done?

[J.T.]
Oh, good one, Karen.
Right between the eyes.

- It's my turn.
- Go ahead, J.T., waste her.

This one's for Chubby.

Yeah.

Oh, good. You guys are home.

Um, Dana has something
she wants to say to you.

Dana.

Go ahead.

- I'm really sorry. Goodnight.
- No!

No, no, no, no, no.
That's not quite enough.

[sighs]
What do you want me to do?

Get down on my hands and knees
and beg?

Begging works for me.
How about you, Karen?

I like begging.

Alright, look.

I really am sorry
about the way I acted.

I mean, I wanted the restaurant
to run smoothly

but that's no excuse
for the way I treated you guys.

I was mean and bossy

and just basically
a despicable human being.

And?

Don't push it, J.T.

Come on, Annette,
there's a beach blanket

upstairs with our name on it.

- Hm, cowabunga.
- Yeah.

So no hard feelings?

Of course not.
I never hold a grudge.

Me either.

[chuckles]
Good.

can help you find the keys
to your van.

Sure, it can.

See, my unconscious mind
knows where I left them.

Unfortunately for me, right now

my unconscious mind's not
talking to my conscious mind.

Come to think of it,
that happens a lot.

Okay, give it a try.

Okay. I left my keys
in the bowling alley.

[buzzes]

I left my keys at the gym.

[buzzes]

So where did I leave my keys?
In my van?

[beeps]

Alright.

Now where did I leave my van?