Starsky and Hutch (1975–1979): Season 4, Episode 11 - Cover Girl - full transcript

A top model believes she has terminal cancer and arranges for a genius hit-man to end her life. She discovers the cancer is in remission, but it is too late to cancel the contract, so she turns to old flame Hutch to prevent her own death.






Yeah, I'm a detective.

Hold on a minute, please.

Okay. Now, you wanna report
an assault with a deadly weapon?

Yeah, I'm gonna need a
little more information than that

if I'm gonna send out
an investigating officer.

Mm-hm. You wanna give
me your name, please?

Stuart Ross.

Okay, Stuart, you wanna
tell me what happened?




I see, you were in the kitchen,

and when you reached
for the jar of cookies,

you were attacked from the rear.

Well, Stuart, I'll bet that
smarts, huh? Uh-huh.

You wanna give me the name
of the party who assaulted you?

Edith Ross, huh?

Is that any relation?

It's your mother, huh?

Well, Stuart, um...

the fact of the matter is

that unless your mother
is a professional fighter

and her hands are
registered as deadly weapons,

there's really not
much I can do.


Oh, look, I'm sure it
does burn. Uh-huh.

Re...? Uh, well, Stuart,

what I might suggest is that maybe
you oughta cool it on the cookies.

Another chocolate chip
cookie junkie bites the dust.


Ay-yi-yi. I bet that smarts.

Hi. Oh, there you are.

Where you been?

[MUFFLED] Guess. Ugh.


Dentist's office.
How can you tell?

You always cop a magazine
every time you're at the dentist's.

Brilliant work, detective.

You also don't sound too good.


That awful, stale
taste in my mouth.

It says here some
26-year-old designer

is making millions
off punk-rock fashion.

Yeah, I read it. We're
in the wrong business.

I feel like I've lost the
left side of my face.

Well, it would be
an improvement.

Look here. What?

That's an old friend.

That's Kate Larrabee
from Sweden.

She always wanted to
be the top model in town.

there ever any doubt?

HUTCH: No, I guess not.

Was she a friend,
or was she a...?

She was definitely a friend.




Hey, wait, wait. Oh, yes.

Happiness, Kate.
Be happy, sweet one.

Excuse me, Randy, I'm just
feeling out of balance today.

Kate, my high-cheekboned beauty,

you are not getting paid 150
bucks per for your feelings.

Michael, put on some music.

Maybe that'll evoke some joy
from the pouting rosebuds, huh?



Excuse me. I left this
number. It's very important.

Wait... KATE: I'm sorry.


Yeah, this is she.

Yeah, I've been
expecting your call.

Yeah, I have the money.

1234 Holland?

Mr. Brady?


Mr. Brady?

Private office. In the back.

Thank you.

MAN: Yeah?

I'm Kate Larrabee.

I was told you'd
be expecting me.

Yeah, come on in.

Come in.

Want some peanuts?



Enough of the
social graces, right?

What do you want, lady?

I'd like for you to
arrange a murder.


You gotta be kidding me.

I cleaned out my
savings account.

Eight thousand dollars.

A beautiful broad
comes into my place

and says, "Arrange
to kill me," huh?

Come on, honey.
This is a setup, right?

Eight thousand bucks in cash?

I don't do these things. I
run an honest tavern here.

Here. What's this?

Doctor's reports, lab tests.

Blood counts, tissue
samples, white-cell counts.

Thirty-four different
tests in 24 weeks.

Go ahead, read them.

I can't understand this stuff.

During the next year, my...

My face won't look very pretty.

My bones won't support
me. I'll be a total invalid.

I just can't die that way. Mm.



you're crazy.

And, you know, you
came to the wrong place.

I don't wanna know
how, when or where.

My personal philosophy
is not to worry, honey.

Death doesn't need
no appointment.



STARSKY: So, what
happened between you two?

I don't really know.

But it was good
while it lasted. Uh.

Richards is bringing Lindsay
to the court so he can testify.

I want you two to ride
shotgun. Here's the address.

Captain, we get off
work in 10 minutes.

So? It's only gonna take
you eight to get there.


Now, look, we're
gonna get a backup

on our ride to the courthouse.

They should be here any second.


How does a mother do that?

Leave her kid
alone on the street.




Ma'am, get back, please. Police.

Okay, ma'am. Step
back, please. Thank you.


MAN: What happened?

Just, uh... Just take
it easy. Don't move.

RICHARDS: I should have known.

How you doing, Richards?

I blew it, Starsk.

Is he dead?

I'll get an ambulance.

Don't move, now. Take it easy.

Beautiful. Beautiful,
isn't it, Jimmy?

Yeah, it's real nice, all right.

You should show a greater
interest in science, Jimmy.

Well, yeah. Someday maybe. Sure.

Can we get down to
business now, huh?

In a moment.

Did you do that on purpose?

There are no accidents
in my life, Jimmy.

You see, with science, Jimmy,

you can soar like an eagle...

or self-destruct like
some hophead...

the morning after
the night before.

Which one is yours, Jimmy?

Well, I... I... I guess,
uh, it's, uh, self-destruct.

Here it is, Angel.

And it's all there, you know,

the photograph, the 5000 bucks,

the car, the whole thing.

Death has no respect for beauty.

The what?

Who arranged this?

She did.

She did.

She put out a
contract on herself?


I mean, the only thing is

that she doesn't wanna
know when or where.



They never cease to amaze me.

Science, Jimmy. Science.


Yeah, yeah, right.

I guess, um, I'll be
seeing you, Angel.

No, I don't think so.

Time to move.

But I mean I can still get you
at that phone number, right?

Consider me out of touch...

and your beautiful
lady friend...



Anything? Yeah,
the coffee stinks.

So write your congressman.

I just left the hospital.

Yeah, how's Richards?

He'll make it.

Starsky's with his
family right now.

Oh, that's good.

What do you have? I got a, uh...

I got a plastique compound...

used in conjunction with
a device made from a toy.

A real baby doll.

Got a weirdo on our hands, huh?

Yeah, and a real pro.

Time device?

Forensics said
that the explosion

was set off by a radio unit.

Well, that's crazy.

Means the guy would have
to be standing right next to it.

You got it, captain.

The guy was within
spitting distance.



KATE: Who is it?

it's Dr. Harriman.

Excuse me for coming by,
but your phone is off the hook.

May I come in?

Oh, sure.

So, what are you doing here
this time of the night, doctor?

I have some information
that I didn't think should wait.

Oh, yeah?

What kind of information?

The results of your last tests.


If I hear anything
more about tests,

I'm going to scream!


Please sit down.

Thank you.

What were you going to tell me?

One word: remission.

The disease is in
a state of remission.

It's conclusive and confirmed

by two other doctors
and four laboratories.

Which means exactly what?

Well, it means that you just
might outlive us all, Katie.





BRADY: I don't know
what you're talking about.

KATE: Oh, please, Mr. Brady,

we don't have to
play these games.

You can keep the
money. Just call it off.

You jet setters will do
anything for laughs, won't you?

What's the matter,
you run out of thrills?

Look, here's the
doctor's report.

It's in remission.
I'm going to live.

In all due respect,
lady, no, you ain't.

What are you talking about? I
said you can keep the money.

Just call it off!

What do you think this is,

a subscription to the
book-of-the-month club?

We are talking about
the Angel of Death, lady.

He ain't never called off.

Please. What is he
gonna gain by killing me?

Stop talking to me about logic!

You uptown ladies, [SCREAMS]

you think you got the
whole world by the tail.

Well, let me tell you how
it is in the nitty-gritty time.

He is out of touch
for you, for me.

A correction:

He will reach you
when he burns you.


Look what you did.

Made me knock
over all my peanuts.


It's every known hit
man and their m.o.

And I'm sorry, guys,

but your man just
is not on the printout.

Those are the cutest
printouts I've ever seen.

Oh, that's cute.
Thanks, anyway, Minnie.


Uh, da-ba-da. Question: Mm-hm.

Do you have any other records

that that computer of
yours doesn't spit out?

Well, now, as a matter of fact,

there is our
miscellaneous weirdo file.

Take 50 years to get through...

and you just might find
you're on it, Starsky, honey.

Get out of my way. Oh, my dear.




I don't believe this.



This is the lady
in the magazine.

Oh, that's... Hi.

It's Kate Larrabee. Hi.


Kate, this is incredible.

I was just telling
Starsky about you.

What are you doing here?

I'd like to talk to you.

Sure. Here, sit down.


What is this?

Uh, is it police business,
personal? What?

[WHISPERS] It's both.



Oh, uh, Starsky's
my partner. It's okay.



I don't know where to start.

Why don't you start with
why you came to the police?


I, um...


Oh, God, this is difficult.

Why don't you just
say it straight out?

Here it goes.

Straight out.


I arranged to have
someone kill me.




I didn't say come in.


What do I want with the police?

STARSKY: Kate Larrabee.

[GRUNTS] I don't know

what you're talking about.


She came to see
you twice last week.

Oh, oh, oh, that uptown lady

who came down here
for a cheap thrill, huh?


I'm gonna save us
both a lot of time, Brady.

So you listen loud,
and you listen clear.

You arranged a hit.

Hey, come on. I don't even
know what the word means.

Here are your choices.

Either you can call the hit off,

in which case we'll still
gonna have to bust you,

but you can take
your chances in court.

I didn't do nothing.

I'm not finished.

Or you don't have
to call the hit off.

In which case, I'd say

that your life is in
serious jeopardy.

Are you threatening
me, cop? Not a chance.

You are a law-abiding citizen.

But here's what I can do.

You see, I can
spread it on the street

that one James Brady

has been to the police...

and has told them all
kinds of nifty little tidbits

about one heavy hit man:


Hey. Hey.

I got no business with
anybody named Angel. Heh.

I'd say you're starting
to sweat, Brady.

I'd call the Angel
if I were you.

For two lives.

One of them's yours.




MAN'S VOICE: The number you
have dialed is not in service at this time,

and there is no new number.

Please ask your
operator for assistance.

This is a recording.



HUTCH: I'll get the garage door.

KATE: No, I can't.
It's full of antiques.

Do you have something
to cover the car with?

Yeah, in the trunk.


HUTCH: Your lights?
Where are they?


[WHISPERS] Yeah. Over there.


It's weird, isn't it,

us meeting like this
after all these years?

Yeah, you sure
went to a lot of trouble

to get us together again.

Next time, why
don't you just call?


You're still drinking beer
straight out of the can?

Oh, yeah.

You still like your
Burgundy, huh?



You know, I could have gone

to another precinct,
another cop.


Yes, I've been
thinking about that.

Ever think about me
during the last seven years?





Well, this is really a
beautiful place, Kate.

The plants.

And you... You always
did have good taste.

No, what were you thinking?

It's not really
important anymore.

Let me tell you something.

With death over
your left shoulder,

everything is important.


It's just something that I
find very hard to understand.

You had a year to live.

I don't know how you could even
consider death before it comes.

Life is all we've got,

whatever the circumstances.

I know.

I made myself that
speech a hundred times,

a thousand times.


I thought I'd live to be 108

and look like Marlene Dietrich.

And then all of a sudden,


I was faced with confinement

to a wheelchair.

And beds and bedpans.

[TEARFULLY] It was just
all too overwhelming for me.

Can you understand that?


do you think that people

in hospitals using bedpans

are any less beautiful
than you or me?

Is beauty here? Or
is it here and here?





please, just hold me.

Just let it go, hon.

Just let it go.

It's gonna be all right.

What about the
man in the shadows?

We'll take care of him.

I remember you
now, Ken Hutchinson.

I think I love you.

I think you're scared.

I think you're right.

Will you kiss me?

Not a chance.




Hey, there. Mm. Thanks.

For what?

For being here. Oh.

Buzzard, this is Chicken Little.

Do you read me?

What's that? Um...

Yeah, go ahead Chicken
Little. This is Turkey Buzzard.

Turkey Buzzard,
this is Chicken Little.

Do you read me?

Yeah, I hear you. Come on in.

Hey, bozo, the sky's falling,
and if you don't answer me,

I'll come over there
and mess up your roof.

This thing must not be working.

Turkey Buzzard
and Chicken Little?

Well, you know. [CHUCKLES]

You're the guys protecting me?



Come out, come
out, wherever you are.

Oh, there he is.

Well, can I come with you?

Oh, I'm just going
out for a second.

I'll be right back.



My doohickey here
got, uh, jammed.

I'm sure it did. Oh, here we go.


You okay? What
the hell happened?

Are you all right?

Yeah. Yeah.

Looks like the guy you tried
to hire just accepted the job.

DOBEY: Another
bomb made with a toy.

What caused it to
go off prematurely?

HUTCH: The radio was on
the same frequency. Thanks.

Well, you were lucky that time.

I wouldn't count on it again.

What else do we have?

Well, Huggy got the
hotel Angel stayed at.

What'd you find? STARSKY:
Aside from he split,

got affirmation
that he's a toy freak.

Got a couple toy
magazines he subscribed to.

Nothing much. What about Brady?

Keeping him under surveillance,

just in case Angel
gets in touch.

Well, we've got Miss
Larrabee undercover.

So, what's our next move?

We're gonna check out

some of these toy manufacturers

for Angel's source
for that remote control.

Then what are you doing here?

Came to say goodbye.

Huh. Bye.


Oh, if this is a stickup,

all I've got is
a roll of nickels

and six candy bars

in the drawer of the...

Oh, it's the police.

Well, these days you can't
tell the cops from the robbers.


So, uh, what can I do for you?

An exploding cigar?
Itching powder?

How about a crime-detection kit?

How about a muzzle?

He doesn't have a
sense of humor, does he?

You gotta catch
him on a bad day.


You carry the Nerney
Auto Control unit?

Do I carry the Nerney?

Does a duck quack?


We're looking for
a serial number:


I'll check my inventory
cards. They're right here.

Ah, here it is. You
boys are in luck.

I sold that unit
to a Walter Allen.

Got an address?

No, not on this card.

Somewhere else, maybe?

Uh, yeah, my client
and prospective list.

I've got the best
in the business.

Well, could we
look at that list?

Well, perchance you'd like
to make an initial purchase

before you see the list.

Like what?

How about, uh...?

How about a laughing man, huh?

Guaranteed to make you happy.

A steal at 24.95.


We'll take it.

Uh, how about the list?

I've got it right here.

He's ripping us off. Well,

it's worth it to locate
the address, you know.

Ah, here it is.

Allen, Walter, 205
Carrington Avenue.

Well, that's fantastic.

Not so fantastic.

That's the hotel he
just moved out of.

That'll be 24.95.

I hate to break
up a happy family.


Shut up.



Hard at work, Starsky?

I'm thinking, Minnie.


Minnie? Huh?

Uh, if...? If you, uh...?

If you were subscribing
to a toy magazine,

and, uh... Mm-hm.

It was really important to you,

uh, what would you do
if you were gonna move?

You gotta be kiddin'.

Do you really want
an answer to that?

Well, I know it
sounds kind of obvious,

but, uh, something's missing.


Have you tried the publisher
about a change of address?

Yeah. Struck out.

Hm. What about the post office?

The post office?

Why, sure, honey.

When people move,
they fill out that little card

that says "change of address."

Yeah, but a professional hit man

leaving a change of address?

Well, you said he
was a toy freak.

It's worth a shot.

You gonna go the
post office? You got it.

Will you buy me
a book of stamps?

I'll deliver them
personally to your door.

Wouldn't you know it?

I gotta work the
late shift tonight.

[TSKS] Oh.

Well, leave your
key under the mat.

I'll have a fire going for you.

Where are you
gonna get a fire going?

I don't even have a fireplace.

Like I said, I'll
have a fire going.


You're a trashy boy, Starsky.


[SNAPPING] Uh-huh.

Yes. Uh-huh. [CHUCKLES]




Uh-huh. Uh-huh. [LAUGHING]

All right. Yes. Yes.


Oh, lovely, laughable lady,

you light up the world
with your luminescence.

he always talk like this?

when he's awake.

If this isn't enough
for two covers,

my name is not
Randolph the Magnificent.

Thank you.

It's, uh... It's been real.

Uh, your aura.

Is it true what they
say about Randolph?

What? That he's magnificent.


Let's go home.

Hm. Hm.

Is that a proposition?

Well, it's more like a promise.

Well, you're a hard
woman to resist.

Well, then stop resisting.

Let's go home, then.

Mm, why didn't I think of that?




Well, well, well, what's this?

New outfit, brushing your teeth

in the middle of the afternoon?

What are you doing, huh?

What are you doing?

Brushing my teeth.
Well, I see that.

But why?

I have to go and
see Dr. Harriman.

Well, he's a doctor.

He's not a dentist.


He likes my smile.

Me too.


[GIGGLING] What are you doing?



Wait a second.


Just wait.


Just wait.

[BANGING] Yeah. Yeah.

STARSKY: Yeah, yourself.



You're wet. Ahem.

You're wet too.

Well, I hate to
break it up, kiddies,

but, uh, I just happen
to have the address

of one Walter Allen,

alias the Angel.

The man who's trying to kill me?

Yeah. Where'd you get that?

You'd never believe
it. Well, let's go, huh?

Well, I have to
go see the doctor.

Yeah, uh... Batson's
outside, right?

He can take you over there.

Why don't you get ready?


It's for you.

Yeah, hello.






Well, I wonder how long

we're gonna have
to sit on this turkey.

Till it comes home to roost.

Unless you got a better idea.


This could be him.

Yeah, that's what you
said the last three times.

We had a Bible salesman,
a hooker with a trick,

and a... An executive
taking his secretary to lunch.

Well, at least I'm
batting a thousand.

What's a postman
doing in a TV truck?

You know that looks
like the dude I saw

walking on Kate's street.


Right there.

Certainly, gentlemen.

Flip your mitts.

You have the right to remain...

Remain silent, et cetera.

Spread them out.

I wouldn't do
that if I were you.

Yeah? Lucky for me you're not.

ANGEL: I have an offer.

You're in hardly any
position to negotiate,

you know that?

How about Miss
Larrabee's life...

for my freedom? What
are you talking about?

I would guess that you have

about 20 minutes
or so to decide.

The bulbs, check the bulbs.


Looks like it's been firebombed.

He rigged the bulbs.

Kate's dressing table.



HUTCH: Look, captain, if any
unit gets there before we do,

don't let anybody hit a
light switch, including Kate.






Will I have to reveal my
part in the whole thing?


Think you can handle it?

Yeah, I think I can.


I know I can.

It's about time I grew up.

If you're not grown-up,

I'd hate to see what
the big girls look like.

Now, my delicious dumpling,

if you'd slink
your sensuous self

to camera right, we
can make history.

Come along. Come along.

[CLEARS THROAT] See you, boys.

Who is he?

Uh, Randolph the Great.


I'll bet. RANDOLPH:
Up right. Up right.

Do you understand when I
say, "Up right"? Camera right.

Move out. Enough.
That's enough, Louie.

Thank you very much.

Very good, it is
coming. Yes, yes.

And now fan. Fan.
Give me fan, Michael.

What's he doing now?

Well, she's gonna
turn the fan on there

to keep the, uh, subject cool.


music, Michael, music.


Perspires a lot.
Where's she going?

Oh, it's just a
little music to...

To relax the photographer.

Good. Now we need,
uh, some polarity,

something for you
to work against.

We need, uh, you.

You what? Yes, you.

Come. Come on.

Go. Go stand by her.

Mm-hm. Come. Trust me. Trust me.

Stand by her.

You too. Come on. Up there?

Stand by the beauty.
Yes, yes. I can't. I'm shy.


Stand by the beauty.

You over there. I
know you're shy.

And you over there.

This is good. This is good.

And you. From you,
I want angry. Angry.

Arr! Arr! Ah.

Angry. Good. Same but
aggressive. Aggressive.

Beauty and the beast. Angry.

You, angry. Arr!