Star Trek: Lower Decks (2020–…): Season 3, Episode 8 - Crisis Point 2: Paradoxus - full transcript
Evasive maneuvers!
Fire at will!
We're being boarded!
Then let's throw them
a welcoming party.
The device, hand it over!
I'll destroy this
before I let y... aah!
Temba!
Commanders, the asset
has been obtained.
Excellent.
Destroy this joke
of a Federation ship.
Leave no survivors.
All decks!
I hoped I would never have
to give this order, but...
- all hands to es...
- Captain, incoming ship.
It's the Wayfarer.
- No!
- Ugh!
Thank the Prophets.
Send those thanks
to Captain Bucephalus Dagger.
Commander Doodle,
I think it's time
we introduce this war bird
to the biggest kid on the block.
You heard the Cap.
Target those disruptors.
Dagger? Get us out of here.
No! I want his head!
Don't be greedy, sister.
We've already won.
They just don't know it yet.
Captain, they're retreating.
Should I set a course to pursue?
Let 'em run.
Protecting the Cerritosis
our top priority.
You're late, Dagger.
What you do, stop for raktajino?
What were the Melponar
triplets after this time?
The Chronogami.
A top-secret
Star fleet prototype
which can penetrate
temporal barriers.
"Chrono" because it involves
taking time,
and folding it on itself
like the Japanese art form...
Yeah, origami, right,
yeah, we-we get it.
I thought the Chronogami
was theoretical.
Well, consider
the theory proved.
And now the Romulans have it.
And I bet my pips
they're going...
Computer, freeze program.
Ensign Boimler,
please report
to Commander Ransom's office.
- On my way.
- I thought you were off duty.
I am. Ransom just
probably wants me to spot him.
He just learned
Tellarite deadlifts.
Whoa, baby!
That opening was awesome, Boims.
Yeah, but time travel?
Listen, "Captain Dagger."
Don't tell me we're gonna have
to go back and assassinate
Kennedy
because that is not happening.
Okay, don't worry.
Crisis Point Ilis twice
as good as the original.
Crisis Point? No! You can't
just piggyback off my movie.
Technically, it was
my program first.
So I can do what I want.
Uh, Computer, arch.
That doesn't contractually
obligate you
- to make a bad sequel.
- Is this a sequel?
I mean, Vindicta got blown up.
You don't follow the villain.
We're back with
the Cerritosbridge crew.
Trust me, you're gonna love it.
Action, adventure, romance.
I'll skip ahead to
the opening credits, uh, okay.
Freeman just explained
that the Chronogami can be used
to destroy any point in history.
What, does it make an alternate
cinematic timeline that runs
concurrent to our own,
but with, like, different people
playing younger versions of us?
Uh, scientifically that
would be a bit of a reach.
Whatever. If you're
expanding the Vindictaverse,
I'm just saying
it better not suck.
Let me know if you want some
hot sauce while you're eating
those words in the third act.
I'll be right back.
Ooh!
Wait, what's
my character's name again?
Looks like you're Chief Engineer
- Sylvo Toussant.
- Ooh, Cajun?
Mon cheri, I guarantee
I can do that...
Nah, I'm
just gonna play it straight.
I play Lieutenant Commander
Meena Vesper,
Whose love of science
and exploration
is tempered
by her troubled childhood.
This is such fan fiction.
All right,
I've got an evaluation
with Ransom at 1900.
Boims better not draw this out.
Ah, the auteur has returned.
What did, uh,
what did Ransom want?
Uh, just reassigning
duty shifts.
Oh, the credits are ending.
Let's get back in character.
Rutherford, shh!
The Chronogami Project was
headed up by...
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Dr. Helena Gibson.
Bucephalus.
Oh, you have got some nerve
never calling me back
after that weekend on Risa.
Oh, ho, ho, ho, spicy!
Oh, so this gorgeous scientist
is the estranged love interest?
Yeah, sure.
I'm here for your research,
not your heart.
Look, the Romulans have
the Chromogami.
Oh, of-of course.
Whoa, these
graphics are mind-blowing!
Rutherford.
We've learned there
are space-time world lines
that prevent
the beginning of existence
from merging with the end.
The Chronogami's gravitons
essentially fold world lines,
allowing a user
to travel to the past
or the future.
The Romulans could attack
any place and any time,
allowing them to wipe the
Federation from ever existing.
So many lives
just blinked out of existence.
We could run
a long-range scan...
And to think, you go to bed
probably still thinking
about some task you have to do
the next day, then poof.
- You're gone.
- Geez.
Somebody took
a Winger Bingston acting class.
You can track the Chronogami
with this.
It has limited
Chronogamic functionality.
Ah, yes,
a watch that drives the plot.
Very convenient
and not at all dumb.
It detects the chronitons.
It'll lead you right to them.
Looks like they're heading
for Tatasciore IX.
A favorite of black-market
weapons dealers.
They're probably trying
to buy Wallerian Dutronium
to power
the Chronogasmic matrix!
Yeah, Doc,
you really want to avoid
that many made-up words
in a row.
All right, uh, this where we set
a course for Tatasciore IX,
so let's do that.
Wait, Bucephalus.
Could we talk... privately?
Ooh, here comes the romance
in three, two...
No thanks, I-I-I-I got to go.
"No thanks"?
Wait, you can't cut out
the romantic subplot.
A good movie's got
to have some romance.
Dagger's love life
doesn't matter anymore.
Wait, then why'd you design her
so hot?
I don't know what to do now.
Uh, yeah. Me, either, lady.
Okay, bye.
Do you feel lost in your way?
Let Minooki guide you.
We have to find the Romulans
or the universe
could cease to exist.
We're all holograms
in a simulation.
The koala smiles on us all.
Ki-ty-ha has the true answers
for life's
most important questions.
Okay, feels like
we're just moments away
from a big set piece, aren't we?
What are we talking, a heist?
Chase?
Yo, Earth to Dagger,
I asked if there's gonna be,
like, a cool chase or something.
I need answers.
Then you seek Ki-ty-ha.
Legend says he resides
on the forbidden moon.
What are you doing?
The holodeck just populated
that guy into the background
for color.
I sense Purple head knows much.
If one such as he
is drawn to this place,
- so shall he who is I.
- What in the
alien of the week bull?
Okay, boys, come on.
We have a movie to do, man.
We don't have time
to chat up the extras.
It's an adaptive program.
The-the holodeck's
creating meaning
- for these guys...
- I've got a lock!
Aah!
Gravcycles, mount up.
Oh, hell yeah!
Now we're talking.
Dude, come on, we got to grav!
Come on, we're missing
the sequence!
No, we need to find Kit-ty-ha.
Dagger to Vesper, take command
of the Chronogami mission.
You are acting captain now.
Ah! Oh, my gosh, thank you!
We just spent like an hour
getting the back story
of your MacGuffin and now
we're not going after it?
The path to Ki-ty-ha
is perilous,
but the reward is
all the truths of the universe.
This could be the key to it all.
We got to do this.
This? What is "this"?
These random extras?
- I am Knicknac.
- Case in point.
Now what the hell does finding
some weirdo have
to do with your story?
We-We're gonna go find
the meaning of life.
Th-This is better
than what I wrote.
This is important.
"Important"? What? No.
This was supposed
to be a thrill ride.
Ah, that chase sequence
wasn't gonna be fun anyway.
This is so fun!
Aah!
Remind me to never lend you
my gravcycle.
Oh.
They're activating
the Chronogami!
Oh, damn it! They've crossed
the origamic threshfold.
And if we follow,
we may never be able
to get back to our own time.
We have to. For Star fleet!
For Star fleet!
Where are we?
2341.
We're smack dab in the middle
of the goddamn algae crisis.
This is the science center
where Ambassador Koro was able
to communicate
with the algaeic slime mind.
Every kid learns about this
in school.
We have to find the Romulans.
If they kill Koro,
the algae will wipe out
every living creature on the...
Did you leave and get food?
Oh, yeah, during the whole
time travel light show.
That stuff always
gets me seasick.
I stepped out to grab a bite.
You want some?
No! I-I feel like
you're not taking
this seriously.
Uh, yeah, because I'm not.
Hey, who's that big squid?
That's Ambassador Koro!
Never mind.
All right. Keep down,
stay quiet, and spread out.
- We are looking for...
- Mmm!
What?
You got to have chips.
Okay, can we please get back
to the real movie?
Tendi and Ruthie could be,
like, I dunno,
in Ancient Egypt
riding crocodiles without us.
Illustor, how do we get
to Ki-ty-ha?
Ah, to that I have
a fascinating answer.
And the answer is...
this answer that's about to be
- coming now.
- He's stalling.
The holodeck's just building
this dude a back story
on the fly.
We are way off book here.
Oh, I can show you
my back story.
- Thou art a map.
- No, absolutely not.
No, this is stupid,
and too literal.
Quickly, read my saggy skin.
Ew! No, this guy can't be
part of the Vindictaverse.
Oh, shut up!
I went along with your stupid
movie, which, by the way,
didn't even have a real ending.
How dare you! It was epic.
You should be thanking me
for turning your mess
into a classy story
that means something.
It is steeped in significance,
wise one.
- Thank you, Knacknac.
- Knicknac.
I'm gonna follow
this old man's skin map,
and I'm gonna find some answers.
There are others
who will join this quest
if you lead us, wise Purple head.
Great idea,
let's gather the flock.
No! This goes against everything
the Vindictaverse stood for.
I was being nice
agreeing to come in here.
And now you're ruining
my franchise
and making me late for my evals.
Crisis Point was just a sad
little tantrum
so you could murder the crew.
This is an important examination
of the human condition.
Yeah, i.e., bad movie.
I officially disown
Crisis Point.
Computer, arch.
You know what,
I'm glad you don't like it,
because you have awful taste.
Purple head speaks the truth.
Oh, you hated mine so much,
you had to make a sequel, huh?
Whatever.
Have fun with Knapsack.
- Knicknac.
- I will!
Awful taste. Awful taste. Me.
This guy thinks he's gonna find
spiritual truth
in the holodeck
and I'm the idiot?
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh. You've really turned
a corner, Ensign.
Nothing here but praise
from the department heads.
Nice work, Mariner. Really.
- Thanks, Commander.
- Hey, uh,
how's Boimler doing, by the way?
Annoying. Why?
Oh, uh, I figured
he would've told you.
William, his transporter clone
on the Titan?
Died this morning.
- Wha... Died? What?
- Freak gas leak.
Neurocine flooded his quarters.
He was asleep.
Hell of a way to go.
I gave Mr. Boimler the news
earlier today.
He's on bereavement leave.
He didn't say anything?
No. No, i-it didn't come up.
I'm sure you want
to be there for him.
When I've got
a case of the blues,
I lean on my besties
pretty hard.
I don't know what I'd do
without Honus the bartender,
Nurse West lake
and Matt the whale.
Friends for life.
Oh, no.
Ugh, that time fold
was a big one.
Earth's 20th century. Late.
I thought the triplets
were trying to destroy
the Federation.
It doesn't even exist yet.
Look!
An ancestor of Ambassador Koro
is inside that aquarium.
They're going to take out
his whole family line.
Oy! Drop the shiny gizmo, mate.
- Stepped in the wrong place!
- It's our turf, mate.
Look, we don't want any...
...witnesses.
Oy! Let's get out of here.
I think we have
to kidnap that octopus
and take it to a safe house.
- Then we...
- Give me that jacket.
- What are you doing?
- I'm robbing these street punks
so we can all dress up
in these old-timey outfits.
Yeah, we don't have time
for that.
But that's, like, the fun part
of the whole time travel thing.
No! Stop messing around.
I'm at least getting the pants.
Will you please hurry up?
They don't fit.
We need to find bigger punks.
Space freighter?
Uh, hello? Boimler...
Uh, Captain Dagger?
Intruder!
Capture the nonbeliever.
Don't touch me! Your characters
don't even have names.
You know nothing of our ways.
Acolyte 2,
throw her into the brig.
I'm friends with
the lead character, you idiots.
Hey.
What are you doing in here?
The tattoo map was a total bust.
I couldn't find Ki-ty-ha.
Then my followers got pissed
and mutinied.
I can't make a good movie.
I can hardly make a bad one.
It fell apart
right after you left.
Yeah, so, Ransom told me
about William.
I'm so sorry.
You must feel terrible.
Why didn't you say something?
Ah, I haven't
really processed it.
I mean,
he was an exact copy of me.
Had his own quarters
on a cooler ship,
but he died for no reason.
I guess I was trying to make all
of this matter because then...
I would matter.
But trying to make
this dumb movie important
just proved that I'm not.
It's just a holodeck program.
I know, I was stupid.
Let's just get out of here.
Computer, arch.
Cancel arch.
- Mariner...
- I found deeper meaning
in Rise of Vindicta,
and it was totally unscripted.
If I did it, you can, too.
But it's a bad story.
Yeah, it's an uneven slog
that totally ignores
the successes of the original.
But it's also a Star fleet movie,
which means it's worth doing.
Yeah, it is a Star fleet movie.
We are Star fleet.
Yeah, we're Star fleet.
Yes! Okay, uh, okay, first
we have to figure
a way out of this brig.
Knicknac!
I never stopped believing
in you, Purple head.
I love you.
I'm in love with you.
I'm in love with you too, buddy.
Let's go.
Okay, hey, there's your romance.
With the power of Ki-ty-ha,
all of creation
will be in my control.
Oh, shut up.
You're just a fleshy map.
Acolytes!
Throw these nonbelievers
out the holy airlock.
You have no power here!
We're all searching
for greater meaning,
and it's not you.
Here it comes, the big heroic
speech where you turn him
around from being...
Or, yeah, we can do
the Kirk thing.
That's cool, too.
Knicknac!
Damn, okay,
third act Knicknac reveal.
Come here!
- Feel better?
- Uh, yeah, a little.
But... Look at this.
If I pull these two folds
of skin together...
The map to Ki-ty-ha.
Careful! That bomb has
a hair trigger.
Wait, how does this play
into the octopus stuff?
I think the Romulans
gave up on that.
Now they're just trying
to blow up the founders
before they found
the Federation.
I hope you know what
you're doing, Toussant.
Rutherford, will you stop
around?!
If that thing explodes,
then there's no Federation.
Sorry, I've got that Chu Chu
song stuck in my head.
It's such an earworm.
Die.
No...
No!
No, no, no, no, no.
Stay with me, Dr. T.
You're gonna be okay.
Don't bull a buller.
Ooh.
Smells like fried Romulan
in here, huh, guys?
Whoo, someone crack a window.
Damn it, Rutherford!
Why aren't you taking this
seriously?
'Cause we're having fun.
What's the big deal?
This isn't fun for me.
Would you laugh this much
if I was really the captain
in real life?
Sorry, if you were what?
Nobody would believe in me
as a captain.
You don't even care about
this story at all.
- You want to be a captain?
- Yes!
Oh, wow, I've never said that
out loud before.
Yes. Yes, I do.
Tendi, you'd be a great captain.
You don't need a movie
to prove that.
- Really?
- Are you kidding?
I'd want you
as my captain anytime.
I can't even tell you
what that means to me.
Captain Vesper,
your crew is ready.
What are your orders?
It's time to take a page
from the Melponar's book.
Evasive maneuvers!
Fire at will.
We're being boarded.
Let's throw them
a welcoming party.
Just take it. Don't hurt me.
Ha. Federation coward.
Temba.
Commanders,
- the asset has been attained.
- Excellent.
Destroy this joke
of a Federation ship.
Joke's on you.
Identify yourself.
Who is this?
This is acting Captain
Meena Vesper.
You're too late.
With the Chronogami,
we will destroy
everything you hold dear.
That would be true
if you had the Chronogami,
and not your own bomb.
No!
Tendi, you did it!
Ha-ha! Way to go, Captain.
There.
Whoa!
I am Ki-ty-ha.
You have journeyed far.
What truth do you seek?
A man named William Boimler
died.
It was meaningless.
What is life for?
The purpose of life...
is a life of purpose.
Okay. But what about
what I was asking?
Love without trust is
a river without water.
Yeah, these are just
inspirational quotes.
I-I Wanted the meaning of life.
Life is like a cup of tea.
It's all in how you steep
- the water.
- Are you kidding me?
You're supposed to be
the Almighty.
Oh, there's always a catch
with these "god" stories.
The holodeck just made
a cheesy quote generator.
But we came all this way.
I want answers.
Laughter and
a good night's sleep will...
Shut up.
Not every holodeck movie
is gonna work as therapy.
Why don't we head over
to Migleemo's office
and he'll tell us some recipes.
The real answers
must be in there.
Ow. Ow! Stop, that hurts.
Oh, Boimler, come on.
Don't... You don't want to
crawl in there, man.
That thing's putting off
a lot of heat.
Kitty Hawk?
Kitty Hawk?!
That reveal doesn't
make any sense. Ugh!
My movie is trash.
It doesn't have
a deeper meaning,
and neither does life.
I should have stayed
a raisin farmer.
I could have married Lianne.
Where am I? Mariner?
Steady. Steady, Atlas.
Uh, uh, Captain Kirk?
Oh, my, no.
It's Captain Sulu.
Oh, my gosh, Captain Sulu.
Even better.
Uh, sorry about that.
The-the mailbox said...
I took this place
off Kirk's hands.
He had to go and time travel,
or who knows what.
The man could never relax.
What-what is this place?
Pretty nice spread, right?
There's even a hot tub
in the back.
Is this heaven? The afterlife?
The Nexus?
It's Idaho. Would you like
to feed the horsey?
Uh, sure.
I-I didn't program any of this.
I was in the holodeck
trying to find meaning
in the randomness of death,
but I just made a fool
of myself.
Brad, I've lost many friends.
Some heroically,
some tragically.
The randomness of death
is merely a reflection
of the unexpected joys
we find in life.
So if I spend my life worrying
about a meaningless death,
I'll never find joy?
I literally just said that.
Sorry. Thanks, Captain Sulu.
I think I can live with that.
Happy to help a fellow
Star fleet officer
looking for answers.
Oh, great. Awesome.
So, can I ask you
what it was like
working with Spock and Uhura?
Was it weird using
the crystal buttons
on the Enterprise?
Ooh, did you practice daily
with the sword?
I'm, uh, kind of a sword guy
myself, so...
The horsey's going
to bite you now.
What?
Sulu? How'd I get off
the ranch?
Yeah, you passed out
screaming something
about the Wright Brothers.
Kid, you gotta take
water breaks in there.
Holodeck might be fake,
but dehydration is real.
So I was dreaming?
More like clinically dead.
Sorry you didn't find out
the meaning of life today.
You know what, I think maybe
I shouldn't have been
looking for it.
Sorry my movie was a letdown.
Are you kidding?
It was amazing.
- Really?
- I don't know
what you guys got into,
but our story was sick.
Tendi rocked it.
Yeah. Ours was great, too.
Dagger here fought off a mutiny
and then beat the out of a god.
- What?
- I want to do that!
Would you get the hell
out of here?!
Stevens leaned against
the warp core.
I need this bed cleared now.
Oh, not twice in one day!
Ooh, that was so much fun.
That hovercycle chase
was intense.
Yeah. I'm still thinking
about those graphics.
Ooh, did you guys run into
the punks?
- Yeah. Oh, they were so punky.
- Oh, man. So good.
You know what, Boims?
Maybe this was
a good sequel to Crisis Point.
Aw, thanks, Mariner.
I'm glad you didn't end it
on some dark cliffhanger.
- I like happy endings.
- Ugh.
Cliffhangers are the worst.
I hate when people do that.
It-it worked.
Welcome, William.
Star fleet now considers you
a dead man.
Just how we like it.
Isn't Section 31 supposed to be,
like, a big secret?
I mean, why would we wear
special com badges
- that advertise who we are?
- You could still be dead.
No, no, no, you know...
You know what, I like the badge.
I like the badge.
Chirp.
Fire at will!
We're being boarded!
Then let's throw them
a welcoming party.
The device, hand it over!
I'll destroy this
before I let y... aah!
Temba!
Commanders, the asset
has been obtained.
Excellent.
Destroy this joke
of a Federation ship.
Leave no survivors.
All decks!
I hoped I would never have
to give this order, but...
- all hands to es...
- Captain, incoming ship.
It's the Wayfarer.
- No!
- Ugh!
Thank the Prophets.
Send those thanks
to Captain Bucephalus Dagger.
Commander Doodle,
I think it's time
we introduce this war bird
to the biggest kid on the block.
You heard the Cap.
Target those disruptors.
Dagger? Get us out of here.
No! I want his head!
Don't be greedy, sister.
We've already won.
They just don't know it yet.
Captain, they're retreating.
Should I set a course to pursue?
Let 'em run.
Protecting the Cerritosis
our top priority.
You're late, Dagger.
What you do, stop for raktajino?
What were the Melponar
triplets after this time?
The Chronogami.
A top-secret
Star fleet prototype
which can penetrate
temporal barriers.
"Chrono" because it involves
taking time,
and folding it on itself
like the Japanese art form...
Yeah, origami, right,
yeah, we-we get it.
I thought the Chronogami
was theoretical.
Well, consider
the theory proved.
And now the Romulans have it.
And I bet my pips
they're going...
Computer, freeze program.
Ensign Boimler,
please report
to Commander Ransom's office.
- On my way.
- I thought you were off duty.
I am. Ransom just
probably wants me to spot him.
He just learned
Tellarite deadlifts.
Whoa, baby!
That opening was awesome, Boims.
Yeah, but time travel?
Listen, "Captain Dagger."
Don't tell me we're gonna have
to go back and assassinate
Kennedy
because that is not happening.
Okay, don't worry.
Crisis Point Ilis twice
as good as the original.
Crisis Point? No! You can't
just piggyback off my movie.
Technically, it was
my program first.
So I can do what I want.
Uh, Computer, arch.
That doesn't contractually
obligate you
- to make a bad sequel.
- Is this a sequel?
I mean, Vindicta got blown up.
You don't follow the villain.
We're back with
the Cerritosbridge crew.
Trust me, you're gonna love it.
Action, adventure, romance.
I'll skip ahead to
the opening credits, uh, okay.
Freeman just explained
that the Chronogami can be used
to destroy any point in history.
What, does it make an alternate
cinematic timeline that runs
concurrent to our own,
but with, like, different people
playing younger versions of us?
Uh, scientifically that
would be a bit of a reach.
Whatever. If you're
expanding the Vindictaverse,
I'm just saying
it better not suck.
Let me know if you want some
hot sauce while you're eating
those words in the third act.
I'll be right back.
Ooh!
Wait, what's
my character's name again?
Looks like you're Chief Engineer
- Sylvo Toussant.
- Ooh, Cajun?
Mon cheri, I guarantee
I can do that...
Nah, I'm
just gonna play it straight.
I play Lieutenant Commander
Meena Vesper,
Whose love of science
and exploration
is tempered
by her troubled childhood.
This is such fan fiction.
All right,
I've got an evaluation
with Ransom at 1900.
Boims better not draw this out.
Ah, the auteur has returned.
What did, uh,
what did Ransom want?
Uh, just reassigning
duty shifts.
Oh, the credits are ending.
Let's get back in character.
Rutherford, shh!
The Chronogami Project was
headed up by...
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Dr. Helena Gibson.
Bucephalus.
Oh, you have got some nerve
never calling me back
after that weekend on Risa.
Oh, ho, ho, ho, spicy!
Oh, so this gorgeous scientist
is the estranged love interest?
Yeah, sure.
I'm here for your research,
not your heart.
Look, the Romulans have
the Chromogami.
Oh, of-of course.
Whoa, these
graphics are mind-blowing!
Rutherford.
We've learned there
are space-time world lines
that prevent
the beginning of existence
from merging with the end.
The Chronogami's gravitons
essentially fold world lines,
allowing a user
to travel to the past
or the future.
The Romulans could attack
any place and any time,
allowing them to wipe the
Federation from ever existing.
So many lives
just blinked out of existence.
We could run
a long-range scan...
And to think, you go to bed
probably still thinking
about some task you have to do
the next day, then poof.
- You're gone.
- Geez.
Somebody took
a Winger Bingston acting class.
You can track the Chronogami
with this.
It has limited
Chronogamic functionality.
Ah, yes,
a watch that drives the plot.
Very convenient
and not at all dumb.
It detects the chronitons.
It'll lead you right to them.
Looks like they're heading
for Tatasciore IX.
A favorite of black-market
weapons dealers.
They're probably trying
to buy Wallerian Dutronium
to power
the Chronogasmic matrix!
Yeah, Doc,
you really want to avoid
that many made-up words
in a row.
All right, uh, this where we set
a course for Tatasciore IX,
so let's do that.
Wait, Bucephalus.
Could we talk... privately?
Ooh, here comes the romance
in three, two...
No thanks, I-I-I-I got to go.
"No thanks"?
Wait, you can't cut out
the romantic subplot.
A good movie's got
to have some romance.
Dagger's love life
doesn't matter anymore.
Wait, then why'd you design her
so hot?
I don't know what to do now.
Uh, yeah. Me, either, lady.
Okay, bye.
Do you feel lost in your way?
Let Minooki guide you.
We have to find the Romulans
or the universe
could cease to exist.
We're all holograms
in a simulation.
The koala smiles on us all.
Ki-ty-ha has the true answers
for life's
most important questions.
Okay, feels like
we're just moments away
from a big set piece, aren't we?
What are we talking, a heist?
Chase?
Yo, Earth to Dagger,
I asked if there's gonna be,
like, a cool chase or something.
I need answers.
Then you seek Ki-ty-ha.
Legend says he resides
on the forbidden moon.
What are you doing?
The holodeck just populated
that guy into the background
for color.
I sense Purple head knows much.
If one such as he
is drawn to this place,
- so shall he who is I.
- What in the
alien of the week bull?
Okay, boys, come on.
We have a movie to do, man.
We don't have time
to chat up the extras.
It's an adaptive program.
The-the holodeck's
creating meaning
- for these guys...
- I've got a lock!
Aah!
Gravcycles, mount up.
Oh, hell yeah!
Now we're talking.
Dude, come on, we got to grav!
Come on, we're missing
the sequence!
No, we need to find Kit-ty-ha.
Dagger to Vesper, take command
of the Chronogami mission.
You are acting captain now.
Ah! Oh, my gosh, thank you!
We just spent like an hour
getting the back story
of your MacGuffin and now
we're not going after it?
The path to Ki-ty-ha
is perilous,
but the reward is
all the truths of the universe.
This could be the key to it all.
We got to do this.
This? What is "this"?
These random extras?
- I am Knicknac.
- Case in point.
Now what the hell does finding
some weirdo have
to do with your story?
We-We're gonna go find
the meaning of life.
Th-This is better
than what I wrote.
This is important.
"Important"? What? No.
This was supposed
to be a thrill ride.
Ah, that chase sequence
wasn't gonna be fun anyway.
This is so fun!
Aah!
Remind me to never lend you
my gravcycle.
Oh.
They're activating
the Chronogami!
Oh, damn it! They've crossed
the origamic threshfold.
And if we follow,
we may never be able
to get back to our own time.
We have to. For Star fleet!
For Star fleet!
Where are we?
2341.
We're smack dab in the middle
of the goddamn algae crisis.
This is the science center
where Ambassador Koro was able
to communicate
with the algaeic slime mind.
Every kid learns about this
in school.
We have to find the Romulans.
If they kill Koro,
the algae will wipe out
every living creature on the...
Did you leave and get food?
Oh, yeah, during the whole
time travel light show.
That stuff always
gets me seasick.
I stepped out to grab a bite.
You want some?
No! I-I feel like
you're not taking
this seriously.
Uh, yeah, because I'm not.
Hey, who's that big squid?
That's Ambassador Koro!
Never mind.
All right. Keep down,
stay quiet, and spread out.
- We are looking for...
- Mmm!
What?
You got to have chips.
Okay, can we please get back
to the real movie?
Tendi and Ruthie could be,
like, I dunno,
in Ancient Egypt
riding crocodiles without us.
Illustor, how do we get
to Ki-ty-ha?
Ah, to that I have
a fascinating answer.
And the answer is...
this answer that's about to be
- coming now.
- He's stalling.
The holodeck's just building
this dude a back story
on the fly.
We are way off book here.
Oh, I can show you
my back story.
- Thou art a map.
- No, absolutely not.
No, this is stupid,
and too literal.
Quickly, read my saggy skin.
Ew! No, this guy can't be
part of the Vindictaverse.
Oh, shut up!
I went along with your stupid
movie, which, by the way,
didn't even have a real ending.
How dare you! It was epic.
You should be thanking me
for turning your mess
into a classy story
that means something.
It is steeped in significance,
wise one.
- Thank you, Knacknac.
- Knicknac.
I'm gonna follow
this old man's skin map,
and I'm gonna find some answers.
There are others
who will join this quest
if you lead us, wise Purple head.
Great idea,
let's gather the flock.
No! This goes against everything
the Vindictaverse stood for.
I was being nice
agreeing to come in here.
And now you're ruining
my franchise
and making me late for my evals.
Crisis Point was just a sad
little tantrum
so you could murder the crew.
This is an important examination
of the human condition.
Yeah, i.e., bad movie.
I officially disown
Crisis Point.
Computer, arch.
You know what,
I'm glad you don't like it,
because you have awful taste.
Purple head speaks the truth.
Oh, you hated mine so much,
you had to make a sequel, huh?
Whatever.
Have fun with Knapsack.
- Knicknac.
- I will!
Awful taste. Awful taste. Me.
This guy thinks he's gonna find
spiritual truth
in the holodeck
and I'm the idiot?
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh. You've really turned
a corner, Ensign.
Nothing here but praise
from the department heads.
Nice work, Mariner. Really.
- Thanks, Commander.
- Hey, uh,
how's Boimler doing, by the way?
Annoying. Why?
Oh, uh, I figured
he would've told you.
William, his transporter clone
on the Titan?
Died this morning.
- Wha... Died? What?
- Freak gas leak.
Neurocine flooded his quarters.
He was asleep.
Hell of a way to go.
I gave Mr. Boimler the news
earlier today.
He's on bereavement leave.
He didn't say anything?
No. No, i-it didn't come up.
I'm sure you want
to be there for him.
When I've got
a case of the blues,
I lean on my besties
pretty hard.
I don't know what I'd do
without Honus the bartender,
Nurse West lake
and Matt the whale.
Friends for life.
Oh, no.
Ugh, that time fold
was a big one.
Earth's 20th century. Late.
I thought the triplets
were trying to destroy
the Federation.
It doesn't even exist yet.
Look!
An ancestor of Ambassador Koro
is inside that aquarium.
They're going to take out
his whole family line.
Oy! Drop the shiny gizmo, mate.
- Stepped in the wrong place!
- It's our turf, mate.
Look, we don't want any...
...witnesses.
Oy! Let's get out of here.
I think we have
to kidnap that octopus
and take it to a safe house.
- Then we...
- Give me that jacket.
- What are you doing?
- I'm robbing these street punks
so we can all dress up
in these old-timey outfits.
Yeah, we don't have time
for that.
But that's, like, the fun part
of the whole time travel thing.
No! Stop messing around.
I'm at least getting the pants.
Will you please hurry up?
They don't fit.
We need to find bigger punks.
Space freighter?
Uh, hello? Boimler...
Uh, Captain Dagger?
Intruder!
Capture the nonbeliever.
Don't touch me! Your characters
don't even have names.
You know nothing of our ways.
Acolyte 2,
throw her into the brig.
I'm friends with
the lead character, you idiots.
Hey.
What are you doing in here?
The tattoo map was a total bust.
I couldn't find Ki-ty-ha.
Then my followers got pissed
and mutinied.
I can't make a good movie.
I can hardly make a bad one.
It fell apart
right after you left.
Yeah, so, Ransom told me
about William.
I'm so sorry.
You must feel terrible.
Why didn't you say something?
Ah, I haven't
really processed it.
I mean,
he was an exact copy of me.
Had his own quarters
on a cooler ship,
but he died for no reason.
I guess I was trying to make all
of this matter because then...
I would matter.
But trying to make
this dumb movie important
just proved that I'm not.
It's just a holodeck program.
I know, I was stupid.
Let's just get out of here.
Computer, arch.
Cancel arch.
- Mariner...
- I found deeper meaning
in Rise of Vindicta,
and it was totally unscripted.
If I did it, you can, too.
But it's a bad story.
Yeah, it's an uneven slog
that totally ignores
the successes of the original.
But it's also a Star fleet movie,
which means it's worth doing.
Yeah, it is a Star fleet movie.
We are Star fleet.
Yeah, we're Star fleet.
Yes! Okay, uh, okay, first
we have to figure
a way out of this brig.
Knicknac!
I never stopped believing
in you, Purple head.
I love you.
I'm in love with you.
I'm in love with you too, buddy.
Let's go.
Okay, hey, there's your romance.
With the power of Ki-ty-ha,
all of creation
will be in my control.
Oh, shut up.
You're just a fleshy map.
Acolytes!
Throw these nonbelievers
out the holy airlock.
You have no power here!
We're all searching
for greater meaning,
and it's not you.
Here it comes, the big heroic
speech where you turn him
around from being...
Or, yeah, we can do
the Kirk thing.
That's cool, too.
Knicknac!
Damn, okay,
third act Knicknac reveal.
Come here!
- Feel better?
- Uh, yeah, a little.
But... Look at this.
If I pull these two folds
of skin together...
The map to Ki-ty-ha.
Careful! That bomb has
a hair trigger.
Wait, how does this play
into the octopus stuff?
I think the Romulans
gave up on that.
Now they're just trying
to blow up the founders
before they found
the Federation.
I hope you know what
you're doing, Toussant.
Rutherford, will you stop
around?!
If that thing explodes,
then there's no Federation.
Sorry, I've got that Chu Chu
song stuck in my head.
It's such an earworm.
Die.
No...
No!
No, no, no, no, no.
Stay with me, Dr. T.
You're gonna be okay.
Don't bull a buller.
Ooh.
Smells like fried Romulan
in here, huh, guys?
Whoo, someone crack a window.
Damn it, Rutherford!
Why aren't you taking this
seriously?
'Cause we're having fun.
What's the big deal?
This isn't fun for me.
Would you laugh this much
if I was really the captain
in real life?
Sorry, if you were what?
Nobody would believe in me
as a captain.
You don't even care about
this story at all.
- You want to be a captain?
- Yes!
Oh, wow, I've never said that
out loud before.
Yes. Yes, I do.
Tendi, you'd be a great captain.
You don't need a movie
to prove that.
- Really?
- Are you kidding?
I'd want you
as my captain anytime.
I can't even tell you
what that means to me.
Captain Vesper,
your crew is ready.
What are your orders?
It's time to take a page
from the Melponar's book.
Evasive maneuvers!
Fire at will.
We're being boarded.
Let's throw them
a welcoming party.
Just take it. Don't hurt me.
Ha. Federation coward.
Temba.
Commanders,
- the asset has been attained.
- Excellent.
Destroy this joke
of a Federation ship.
Joke's on you.
Identify yourself.
Who is this?
This is acting Captain
Meena Vesper.
You're too late.
With the Chronogami,
we will destroy
everything you hold dear.
That would be true
if you had the Chronogami,
and not your own bomb.
No!
Tendi, you did it!
Ha-ha! Way to go, Captain.
There.
Whoa!
I am Ki-ty-ha.
You have journeyed far.
What truth do you seek?
A man named William Boimler
died.
It was meaningless.
What is life for?
The purpose of life...
is a life of purpose.
Okay. But what about
what I was asking?
Love without trust is
a river without water.
Yeah, these are just
inspirational quotes.
I-I Wanted the meaning of life.
Life is like a cup of tea.
It's all in how you steep
- the water.
- Are you kidding me?
You're supposed to be
the Almighty.
Oh, there's always a catch
with these "god" stories.
The holodeck just made
a cheesy quote generator.
But we came all this way.
I want answers.
Laughter and
a good night's sleep will...
Shut up.
Not every holodeck movie
is gonna work as therapy.
Why don't we head over
to Migleemo's office
and he'll tell us some recipes.
The real answers
must be in there.
Ow. Ow! Stop, that hurts.
Oh, Boimler, come on.
Don't... You don't want to
crawl in there, man.
That thing's putting off
a lot of heat.
Kitty Hawk?
Kitty Hawk?!
That reveal doesn't
make any sense. Ugh!
My movie is trash.
It doesn't have
a deeper meaning,
and neither does life.
I should have stayed
a raisin farmer.
I could have married Lianne.
Where am I? Mariner?
Steady. Steady, Atlas.
Uh, uh, Captain Kirk?
Oh, my, no.
It's Captain Sulu.
Oh, my gosh, Captain Sulu.
Even better.
Uh, sorry about that.
The-the mailbox said...
I took this place
off Kirk's hands.
He had to go and time travel,
or who knows what.
The man could never relax.
What-what is this place?
Pretty nice spread, right?
There's even a hot tub
in the back.
Is this heaven? The afterlife?
The Nexus?
It's Idaho. Would you like
to feed the horsey?
Uh, sure.
I-I didn't program any of this.
I was in the holodeck
trying to find meaning
in the randomness of death,
but I just made a fool
of myself.
Brad, I've lost many friends.
Some heroically,
some tragically.
The randomness of death
is merely a reflection
of the unexpected joys
we find in life.
So if I spend my life worrying
about a meaningless death,
I'll never find joy?
I literally just said that.
Sorry. Thanks, Captain Sulu.
I think I can live with that.
Happy to help a fellow
Star fleet officer
looking for answers.
Oh, great. Awesome.
So, can I ask you
what it was like
working with Spock and Uhura?
Was it weird using
the crystal buttons
on the Enterprise?
Ooh, did you practice daily
with the sword?
I'm, uh, kind of a sword guy
myself, so...
The horsey's going
to bite you now.
What?
Sulu? How'd I get off
the ranch?
Yeah, you passed out
screaming something
about the Wright Brothers.
Kid, you gotta take
water breaks in there.
Holodeck might be fake,
but dehydration is real.
So I was dreaming?
More like clinically dead.
Sorry you didn't find out
the meaning of life today.
You know what, I think maybe
I shouldn't have been
looking for it.
Sorry my movie was a letdown.
Are you kidding?
It was amazing.
- Really?
- I don't know
what you guys got into,
but our story was sick.
Tendi rocked it.
Yeah. Ours was great, too.
Dagger here fought off a mutiny
and then beat the out of a god.
- What?
- I want to do that!
Would you get the hell
out of here?!
Stevens leaned against
the warp core.
I need this bed cleared now.
Oh, not twice in one day!
Ooh, that was so much fun.
That hovercycle chase
was intense.
Yeah. I'm still thinking
about those graphics.
Ooh, did you guys run into
the punks?
- Yeah. Oh, they were so punky.
- Oh, man. So good.
You know what, Boims?
Maybe this was
a good sequel to Crisis Point.
Aw, thanks, Mariner.
I'm glad you didn't end it
on some dark cliffhanger.
- I like happy endings.
- Ugh.
Cliffhangers are the worst.
I hate when people do that.
It-it worked.
Welcome, William.
Star fleet now considers you
a dead man.
Just how we like it.
Isn't Section 31 supposed to be,
like, a big secret?
I mean, why would we wear
special com badges
- that advertise who we are?
- You could still be dead.
No, no, no, you know...
You know what, I like the badge.
I like the badge.
Chirp.