Sprung (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Chapter One - full transcript

I didn't want to go
trick-or-treating

'cause I thought I was
too old to dress up.

Hey, baby, you up?

The thing is, got a weakness

for those little bite-size
3 Musketeers bars.

Crack 25!

Oh, man. We've been
over this, boss.

I have every right
to use the plumbing

to cultivate a
romantic relationship

with the female inmate
on the third floor.

That's not why I'm here.



Jack, papi,
are you there?

Yeah, baby.

I got the picture you
sent. You got a handsome dick!

Gloria, I'm gonna have to call
you back. We have company.

If you're trying to take my bug,
then we might be throwing hands.

Me and this little guy
have gotten very attached.

He's the only one polite
enough to listen to my stories.

I don't give a shit
about your bug, Rooster.

You can put a vest on it and take
it on a plane, for all I care.

You're both getting out today.

Him and the bug are getting out?

Not the bug. You and him.

The bug has been free to
leave whenever he wants.

Bullshit.



I still got eight months.
This fool got four years left.

Governor's lettin' out a
bunch of nonviolent inmates

because of the coronavirus,

and you dumbasses
are two of them.

Grab your stuff.

What the hell is coronavirus?

Beats the shit out of me.

Thanks for always
being there, Nelson.

Next!

Weh-hell, this is crazy, huh?

If you'd a-told me this
morning that I was gonna...

Here's $40 and your
personal belongings.

The clothes you came in
with are down the hall.

If you've been here longer than 10
years, we apologize for the moth problem,

which has since been
rectified. Next!

What exactly is this
coronavirus, anyway?

A couple weeks ago, some
dumbass ate a rotten bat.

Now people are dying from the
flu, and they shut down the NBA.

Mnh. Next!

Hey, yo, what up, Shelley?

They're lettin' you out?
When you come back next week,

don't bring the coronavirus.

Not gonna happen. I
ain't eatin' no bat.

Okay, this is it, folks.

You're all free to go,
but please keep in mind,

the state has issued a
shelter-in-place order.

What's a shelter-in-place order?

Unless you are essential... Which
I assure you, you are not...

You need to stay in your home.

But we've been in prison.
We don't have a home.

I agree, it's a bit
of a head-scratcher,

but we were just told to let
you go, so that's what we did.

Good luck.

What, no? No, I can't
stay with my boyfriend

because he is still in prison.

Besides, we're not that serious.

We talk through the toilet, and I've
only seen a picture of his dick.

Yeah. No, I know.

Okay... you know
what? Just forget it.

Forget it!

Hey, man. Someone
coming to pick you up?

Ah, look who wants to take a deep dive
into my personal life all of a sudden.

Man, if you knew how
many inmate stories

I've had to listen to over
and over again, you...

Never mind. You take care.

Hey! Hold up.

I'm just
playing with you.

All right, look, my... My
moms is coming to get me.

How 'bout you?

Well, I attempted
to call my parents.

It's been so long since we
talked, I forgot their number.

I just tried dialing, hoping
muscle memory would kick in.

Ended up calling a Walgreens.

Chatted with the
pharmacist for a spell.

Dale. Solid dude. Funny.

Yeah.

I'll tell you what,
give me that 40 bucks,

and you can stay at my mom's
place for a couple of nights.

Are you serious?
Thank you so much.

Could I keep 40 cents?

I've been really
dreaming about buying

a pack of Fruit Stripe
gum for a long time.

No.

- Hey, Mommy.
- Hey, shithead.

I thought you said
you quit smoking.

I say a lot of things.

Come on.

Let me tell you, the world
is upside down right now.

Grocery stores are stripped
bare. Restaurants are closed.

We're all cooped up like a
bunch of mental patients.

Been the worst ten
days of my life.

Mommy hold up a second.

Hey, girl, you need a ride?

What's your name again?

Jack.

Mine's Barb. Like the wire
with the little spikes on it.

What were you in for?

Selling weed.

Weed?

Weed's practically legal as
long as you say you're anorexic,

or you have PTSD or something.

Well, it wasn't legal in 1994,

when they had mandatory
minimum drug sentences.

Shit.

Twenty-six years!

- Yeah.

That's a full Kendall Jenner.

A what?

A famous chick. Her
dad was an Olympic guy

who's now a woman
who's hotter than me.

- Hmm.
- You got a lot of catching up to do.

I'm just saying, it doesn't really
sound like you got a lot of options.

I'm offering you
a place to stay,

and the only thing I want in return
is all the money that you got.

This virus thing
is serious, huh?

I guess. Trump's
on TV twice a day.

Oh, yeah, the rich guy.
He's president, huh?

- Is he good?
- I don't know.

He's funny.

She's going to
crash with us, Ma.

And that makes four. Hope
you guys like canasta.

- Hi.
- Hello.

Tesla! My first Tesla!

This is a cute neighborhood.
You guys live around here?

No, just taking
the scenic route.

Rooster, keep
your eyes peeled.

So, sweetie, what'd
you get locked up for?

Credit card cloning.

Identity theft, conspiracy
to commit wire fraud,

and... wire fraud.

At least you follow through.

- Brick house.
- Take the wheel.

Were either of you
guys in "D" block?

Yeah, we both were. Why?

That's where my man is. Do you
guys know a guy named Jack?

His name is Jack.

Well...

A different Jack,
different Jack.

This one is six-foot-six,
28 years old.

He's ripped. He says
he looks like a cross

between The Rock and...

Alex Rodriguez.

I used to have to
listen to this fool

whisper all that bullshit
through the toilet.

I'm sorry.

- Is this even your dick?
- I'll tell you, let me see.

That's my dick.

I thought you told me this
picture was for your sister.

- Why didn't you take one of yours?
- Mine's camera shy.

Why is there a picture of your
freckled pecker in my car?

What are we doing at Melvin's?

I need toilet paper. You can't
buy any in the stores anymore.

People panicked and
scooped it all up,

leaving the rest
of us to improvise.

Had to throw away a perfectly
good oven mitt last night.

Should we be wearing masks?

Depends on which
channel you watch.

I'm waiting for Dr. Phil to chime
in before I go out and buy one.

They're not easy to find.

Dug this one out of a Dumpster
at a construction site.

Forty bucks for two lousy rolls?

- Yeah, prices went up.
- Since when?

Since my supplier at the motel

got her dumb ass fired
for stealing toilet paper.

How is your mother?

Good. Looking for work.

Well, here we are.
Home, sweet home.

There's a shelter-in-place order.
We're trying to flatten the curve.

Why don't you mind
your own business

before I flatten your
nose, you nosey old bitch.

Ohhh! Garbage cans got fancy.

What other colors can you get?

Pickles!

He's dead.

Just put that stuff in the dining
room with the rest of my loot.

Wow, you've been busy.

Business is booming since
everyone can't go to the store.

Gotta make hay while
the sun shines.

All right, let me
give you the tour.

This is the kitchen. Dinner's
usually around seven.

Do either of you
have any allergies

or things that you're intolerant
of, such as gluten or dairy?

I'm not a huge fan of mayo.

Well, my condolences,
as that's a staple here.

What's a gluten?

TV gets most of
the local channels,

but if you're somebody who
just can't live without CBS,

then you gotta get the ladder to

climb onto the roof to point the
antenna towards the water tower.

Be careful if it's
raining, though.

Rooster's father broke his neck trying
to watch Blue Bloods, God rest his soul.

You look a lot like your father.

Yeah, I got my dad's looks and
my mother's thirst for adventure.

It's a pretty good
one-two punch.

This is Rooster's bedroom.

Between bouncing in and out
of juvie and now prison,

he's never been home long
enough to redecorate.

Hey, what happened to my
Dora the Explorer drapes?

Did you not hear what I said
about the toilet paper shortage?

This is my bedroom which brings me
to the most important house rule.

Don't come in here looking
to slip a cock in me.

I'm in a committed relationship

with someone I met online,

and I am for once in my life
trying to remain faithful.

The problem is I have a
weakness for bad boys.

I sometimes get lonely.

I will on occasion treat myself
to half a box of chardonnay.

Now, any one of these things
by itself, I can handle,

but on a night when all
three combine forces,

I tend to get a little grabby.

So, just be prepared to
put up a bit of a fight.

Nonessential stores are closed,

but you can help yourselves
to my parents hand-me-downs.

They locked into their fashion
choices in the mid-'70s,

so prepare to look like
the Partridge Family.

There may even be a
tambourine in there.

This was Rooster's
twin brothers' room

before they moved to Mexico
with dreams of joining a cartel.

Odds aren't great
they're coming back.

They used to fight all the
time, so I put in the drywall

to keep them from
killing each other.

If one of you snores, you might
want to plug up the bullet holes.

Who wants the side
with the doorknob?

Uh... you can have it.

I'll feel more at
home if I'm locked in.

What's that noise?

You know Phillipe, the grocery
store bagger with the milky eye

who got into all that trouble for
sitting outside the high school

and offering girls
rides home on his moped?

- Yeah.
- He's a hero now.

Delivers Bugles right
to your doorstep.

Hmm.

Why was Rooster's
dick under my pillow?

Rooster said you liked it, so I
thought you might want it back.

Unless of course you
prefer the real thing.

I wouldn't mind a grandbaby.

Look into adopting.

Me having sex with your son is the
last thing that's gonna happen.

What's the first thing?
I'd like to get started

so we can get to the last
thing as soon as possible.

I kind of like these
vintage clothes.

Or as someone of your advanced
age would call them, clothes.

Look, I'm really sorry. I should
have been honest with you.

- I'm over it.
- Oh, okay.

And just to be clear, you
and I are no longer...

A couple? No, we're not.

Got it.

Can't believe this lady's
letting us stay here.

Do you think she's crazy?

Allowing a couple ex-cons to move
into her house, no questions asked?

I wouldn't put her on the
high end of the sanity scale,

but... we have no choice.

This is serious.

- What?
- The thing. The virus.

It's... it's not good.

And as experts continue to
debate the use of masks,

Dr. Fauci has encouraged
frequent handwashing

while cautioning Americans
against touching their faces.

We can't touch our faces?

I guess not.

Well, now all I want
to do is touch my face.

Everything's itching.

Relax.

The news just likes to play on
your emotions to keep you watching.

And to end our newscast
on a brighter note,

here's Todd McGillroy
with "Hometown Heroes."

There you go. Look.

After they scared you, they
try and make you happy again.

Here at Kimberton Memorial Hospital,
the overworked nursing staff

can't wait to get home and rest.

But for Lindsey Barton, home
is only a few steps away.

My mother's been watching
the kids while I work,

and I can't risk exposing
her to the virus.

Sleeping in the car is doable.

The tough part's not
being able to see my kids.

But even though
she can't see them,

she can still keep her promise
of reading them a bedtime story.

"Rumble, tumble blocks
and roaring tigers.

Funny tummy chuckle,
and a big boo to you."

My son understands why
I'm not there, but...

my youngest is pretty confused

why she can only
hear Mommy's voice.

Good night, guys.

I love you. Be good.

Are you crying?

Yes, I'm crying. How
are you not crying?

I thought this was
supposed to make me happy.

Dinner's ready.

Contrary to what that
asshole Guy Fieri might say,

this is my famous
John Wayne casserole.

Ohh!

Ground beef, cheese,
vegetables, jalapenos,

all baked on top
of a biscuit crust.

If anyone in your family has
a history of heart disease,

you might want to
see an extra prayer.

So, you're religious.

I pray, if that's what you mean.

Works, too.

I asked God to not let
my baby rot in prison

for the rest of his life for
stealing an ice cream truck.

And here he is.

You think God created a worldwide pandemic
just to get your son out of prison?

He works in mysterious ways.

And... now that He's
brought me a crew...

- A what?
- A crew.

A crime family. Us.

I'm thinking after dinner,

we visit Melvin's place and
steal us some toilet paper.

Sweet.

You guys can do that, I guess,

but I'm... I'm probably gonna
hang back, if that's cool.

No, that's not cool.

If there's any surprises,
we need numbers.

You're living under my roof,

and from the generous helping
of John Wayne on that plate,

I assume you'll also be using

more than your fair share
of the toilet paper.

Did I take too much?
I'm sorry I didn't...

In prison, it just goes by the
size of the section on your tray.

God, eat all you want.

But you'll have
to earn your keep.

Yeah, OK, I... I
hear that, it's just

I'm... I'm... I'm not
really a criminal.

I got incarcerated
for selling weed.

I never stole from
anyone or hurt anyone.

It's just not my vibe.

So, you think you're
better than us?

No, I didn't say that. It's
just... I'm... I'm not...

Look, according to the news,

everyone is suffering
one way or another.

Seems like everybody should be
helping each other, not stealing.

People suffering's
nothing new. That's life.

You wake up, you suffer,
you drink, you go to sleep.

Just because there's a nasty
case of the sniffles going around

doesn't mean people
are gonna change.

I saw in the newspaper
how some politicians

who knew about this months
ago are pocketing millions

dumping stocks and telling the public
that everything's gonna be fine.

- Well, that's terrible.
- That's America.

Keep your head on a swivel,
and keep your eye out

for opportunities
to get what's yours.

And Melvin deserves
to get robbed.

He's the reason no one around
here can wipe their ass

without dipping into their
401 retirement thingy.

J.

We're gonna steal more than
toilet paper, though, right?

You said he gets paid in cash.

- I like this chick.

Are you serious? You told
me you were done with crime.

And you told me you
were 20 years younger,

six inches taller, and had a
tattoo of a dragon on your back.

We are all adapting.

I have a dragonfly on
my upper inner thigh.

She's right. I bet
Melvin is making bank.

I say we pack some heat and
have him take us to the cash.

So now we got guns?

Armed robbery, possible
kidnapping. That's your plan.

I like it. 'Cept someone other
than Rooster holds the gun.

The last time we robbed a place, I
got shot in the back of the thigh

before we even got
in the pet store.

I barely nicked you.

You didn't even notice it until
you took a shower the next morning.

All right, look, you guys
can do what you want,

but I just spent 26 years in
prison, and I'm not going back.

I've been dreaming
about too many things:

walking in the grass
with bare feet,

sitting under the stars.

Drinking water that doesn't
smell like rotten eggs.

This is delicious, by the way.

- So you're out?
- I'm out.

Then get the hell out.

Come on. Seriously?

I'm starving. And the
virus is out there.

You'll be fine.

Just hold your breath and
try not to touch nothing.

So, what's the plan?

Well, I'm with Rooster.

I say we drive over
there after dessert

and one of you two
stick a gun in his face.

- Is there a dessert?
- Gummy worm cobbler.

Hey, buddy, would you mind putting
this in the machine for me?

Does the dollar have
that virus on it?

Uh, I'm not sure.

I think you're on your
own with that, man.

You understand that you just touched
every little thing on that machine

with the outside of your shirt,
including the mint you put in your mouth.

Melvin knows me, so I'll
have to wait in my car,

but he doesn't know Gloria, and
he still thinks Rooster's in jail.

So, as long as Rooster wears
a mask, we should be cool.

You're gonna get caught.

I said get out.

You're gonna get
caught or killed.

It's a shitty plan.

First of all, you drive a
1976 AMC Pacer that backfires.

Everyone's gonna notice you.

Do you even know if this
guy has a security system?

Does he keep his money in a safe,
or does he put it in a bank?

We need a better plan.

We? So you're in?

I don't have a choice

if I don't want to catch this
virus while dying of starvation.

But I'm not going back to jail,
so if we're gonna do this,

we need to do it right.

And you know how to do it right?

I thought you
weren't a criminal.

I'm not. But you don't
spend 26 years in prison

without learning a few things.

Now with your newer cars,

you got to deal with factory alarms
and more complicated ignitions.

Older models, they're
easier to get into.

You know how to hotwire a car?

Nope. I'm in here
for selling weed.

First thing you got to do
is find the ignition wire.

If you're gonna rob someone,
you need to be patient, okay?

People are creatures of habit,

so it usually doesn't take too long
to figure out what those habits are.

Just keep your
distance, be patient,

and follow your
victim's every move.

And keep in mind, there are really only
three things you need to know for sure.

You need to find out where
they keep their money...

what they do at night...

and when they go to sleep.

Once you know the routine, that's
when you come up with the plan.

So, how'd you get caught, then?

Oh, I didn't get
busted for stealing.

I strangled my brother when I found
out he was banging my husband.

- Ohh.
- Yeah.

Robbing an ATM? How's that work?

They sell high-tech shit that can
intercept people's ATM pin code.

But you don't need all that.

You can just set up your camera
nearby, capture someone's code easy.

Just make sure the camera's
pointed at the keypad,

and the next time they enter
their code, you're good to go.

Larceny of a cat?

I would have gotten away with
it if my sister didn't have

one of them stupid
video doorbells.

From now on, I'm climbing
in through windows.

That's why you got to
work on your calves.

Come on, don't
quit. Yep, one more.

Two of my victims are already drunk,
but I still didn't like to take chances.

Did you know you can make
chloroform with various items

you can find in most
people's kitchens?

I learned that on an
episode of Law and Order.

First thing you
need is some bleach.

I think there was something
wrong with that sushi.

Where'd you say
you found it again?

- Wiggles?
- You know this chick?

She's Rooster's
trashy ex-girlfriend.

Makes sense she's banging
a dirtbag like Melvin.

Maybe they're just friends...?

Come on, we're on
the clock here.

After you steal
the ATM card, grab your camera,

and it's time to
make a withdrawal.

But timing is crucial.

Now, the thing to
remember about ATM cards

is that you want to max them
out just before midnight.

Then, when the daily limit resets
itself, you can hit it again.

Depending on the person's limit,

that can mean an extra
thousand bucks, easy.

A lot of people in here believe

there's no such thing
as the perfect crime.

I disagree.

A perfect crime is a crime that
nobody even knows happened.

Ha!

Barb, we're just
taking the money.

Grabbing it from the back of
the stack. He'll never know.

That way, it doesn't matter
where you leave your fingerprints

or how many pictures
the camera took

because if no one reports a crime,
nobody's gonna try to solve it, either.

Oh, weird, I dreamt that
I came out of the bathroom

and smelled bleach
and then passed out.

Yeah. Last night
was just a dream.

Just a weird dream.

Not bad.

- Not bad at all.
- It's a start.

What are you gonna do
with your share, Ma?

I'm gonna wait a few weeks
until this virus blows over,

and then I'm gonna
go on a cruise

with my online boyfriend,
Jean Michel Duklon.

Finally get some real loving.

We talk dirty over email,

and I'm getting tired of diddling
my bean with my reading glasses on.

Right, and
then I see the disinfectant.

It knocks it out in
a minute, one minute,

and is there a way we can
do something like that?

By injection inside or...

or almost a cleaning?

'Cause you see it
gets in the lungs,

and it does a tremendous
number on them,

so it'd be interesting
to check that.

So that, you're gonna have
to use medical doctors with.

But it sounds... it
sounds interesting to me.

Hmm.

Doctors have warned that Trump's
theory of using household cleaners

to rid your body of the
coronavirus is not...

You missed dinner.
Everyone loved it.

I made my second favorite
dish, Duke Takes a Dive.

It's basically John Wayne
casserole, but with tuna.

Where you been?

Oh, just, uh,
exploring the town.

Been stuck in
prison half my life.

Felt good to go for a walk, not
have to turn left every 46 paces.

Mmm.

Severe vomiting or death.

And finally tonight,

remember the nurse who
was sleeping in her car?

Well, that story has developed
into a bit of a Channel 10 mystery.

I can't explain it.

It was just sitting
there on the front seat.

When I told my mother,

she said she found another one
just like it on the front porch.

I guess someone
just felt generous.

Someone certainly did.

And now Lindsey's kids don't have to just
listen to Mommy tell bedtime stories,

they get to see her as well.

"Then he nibbled a hole in the
cocoon, pushed his way out,

and he was a
beautiful butterfly."

Good night, guys.

Mommy loves you.

- I love you, Mommy.
- I love you, Mommy.

Good night.

So damn cute.

Rooster, I love you!

Rooster!

What?

- I love you.
- Love you too.

Ohh.

We should talk
about our next job.

Since Mother Teresa over here
will only steal from bad people,

I took the liberty of writing up
a list of douchebags in the area.

Maybe we shouldn't
be thinking so small.

Those politicians you mentioned,
who were dumping stocks

while lying about the virus,

turns out one of them's
from around here...

and she is a loaded.

Well. That's a fly in the ointment
we're going to have to swat.