SpongeBob SquarePants (1999–…): Season 5, Episode 7 - To Love a Patty/Breath of Fresh Squidward - full transcript
To Love a Patty: SpongeBob has trouble saying Goodbye to the most perfect Krabby Patty he has ever cooked up. He falls in love with "Patty", saves her from a muscle-bond customer, takes her home and out on a special date. Breath of Fresh Squidward: After electrocuting himself on his own security fence, Squidward's personality gets completely scrambled. Now he is the most jovial Squid to ever live in Bikini Bottom - and he's starting to get on SpongeBob's nerves.
SPONGEBOB:
♪ Someday I'm gonna
make you my sweetie ♪
♪ Not overtly ♪
♪ But surreptitiously ♪
Drum solo!
(mimicking drums)
Doo!
Doo! Doo-doo-doo-doo!
Hey, looks like you guys
and gals are done.
In all my years of fry cookery,
l have never seen such
a lovely group of patties.
Especially... you.
Such perfection;
from your little lettuce hair
to your rosy ketchup cheeks,
right down to your
mustard smile.
May I call you "Patty"?
SpongeBob, I need
that order of six!
Here you go, Squidward.
One and two and three
and four and, uh...
five and six; that's it.
That's the whole order,
Squidward.
There isn't a Krabby Patty
behind my back or anything.
Uh... yeah.
Patty, a patty like you comes
around once in a lifetime.
I can't let them eat you.
No, the job must come first.
I can't let emotions
cloud my commitment
to the sacred fry cook oath:
"That which is fried
must be eaten."
SpongeBob,
where is that other...?
Oh, there it is.
Where's my Krabby Patty?
Right here, muscle boy.
It's about time!
(screams)
No, I won't let you
do this to Patty.
SpongeBob, hand over
the Krabby...
Oh, Patty, I can't
let them eat you.
Your beauty must be preserved.
♪ Amazing. ♪
(laughs)
What are you gonna do
with it, take it home?
Put a little dress on it?
Go out for a romantic
walk with it?
Fine idea!
(sighs):
I wonder if it's too late
to get a refund
from my therapist.
Enjoy, sir.
Can I eat this one?
Ah...
Hey, how'd they know?
I love grilled shoe.
What's cooking there, Patty.
Oh, are you kidding?
I love crepes.
Oh, Patty, when we're together,
l feel like we're
in our own little world.
Like, like nothing can hurt us.
(explosion)
Fire!
Fire! Fire!
(meows)
(panting)
It's okay, Patty.
The fire's gone.
You're safe now.
(doorbell rings)
Oh, I'd better get the doorbell.
(laughs)
SpongeBob,
how about another game of...
"Tie your best
buddy in knots"?
My turn.
Sorry, Patrick.
I already made plans
to go for a walk
through Jellyfish Fields
with Patty.
As soon as the little lady
dries her hair,
we're heading out.
(karate yell)
(screams)
Hey-a, SpongeBob,
you didn't forget
about our plan to go a-choppin',
did ya?
Sorry, Sandy, no time
for karate today.
After our walk, I'm going
for a rowboat ride with Patty.
Just waiting for her
to put on her makeup.
You know how long it takes
a Krabby Patty to get ready.
Well, that makes
about as much sense
as a snake
with no slither.
Patties are put in the
water for eating, SpongeBob,
not for bebopping
all over Timbuktu.
(sighs):
Patty.
Yeah, well, you two have fun
with that.
Patty and I have
to be on our way.
I've been replaced
by a sandwich!
(sobbing)
Maybe I can meet a lovely
sandwich of my own.
Yeah!
That'll show SpongeBob!
♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ They may call me a fool ♪
♪ But I can't help ♪
♪ Our gravitational pull ♪
♪ When I stuff you
with cotton candy ♪
♪ It reminds me
you're so sweet ♪
♪ When we go riding ♪
♪ It's dandy the way
you hang on to the seat ♪
♪ Ba-ay-ay-by ♪
♪ When I'm with you, our love
is stronger than glue ♪
♪ Whoo ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ There isn't anything,
there's nothing in the world ♪
♪ I wouldn't do for you... ♪
Hey, let go of her,
you patty eaters!
No! Get away!
(karate yells)
Whaaa... yaaa!
Hyah!
Hyah-yaaah!
Wha-ya-ya-ya-wha-ya!
Wha-ya-wha-wha-ya-ya!
Hyah-yah-yah-yah!
♪ Patty, you okay, sweetums? ♪
♪ I'm so... sorry ♪
♪ I'll never let you
out of my sight again ♪
♪ And I'll always keep you
out of harms way ♪
♪ Yeeeee ♪
♪ Oh, baby,
I love you so strong ♪
♪ That's why I'm singing
this song ♪
♪ Ba-ay-ay-by ♪
♪ Your looks are
sweeter than honey ♪
♪ From your pickles to your
buns, it ain't even funny... ♪
(screams)
I'm coming for ya.
Oh, no, look at you!
Don't worry, Patty.
I'll take care of this.
There you go.
♪ All better ♪
♪ Oh, baby. ♪
Oh, Patty,
do you realize
what this signifies?
Mm-hmm, that's right.
It's our six-hour anniversary.
And do you know what that means?
Are you all right, Patty?
You don't seem so hot.
Don't fret.
I know what'll make
you feel better.
A dinner at the finest
restaurant in Bikini Bottom.
MR. KRABS:
Squidward!
Where the barnacles
is our fry cook?
He's been gone all day.
That boy's never been
a work-shirker.
We got a crowd of hungry
customers waiting.
How should I know?
Do I look like an
idiot's keeper?
Well... actually...
Well, good day, sirs.
As if on cue.
SpongeBob, what's
with the fancy getup?
Oh, I just got gussied up
for my special dinner date.
A dinner date?
Well, blow me down, boy.
Didn't know you had it in you.
When do we get to meet
the little lady?
By the way, is she rich?
She's rich in taste.
How could you
possibly date anyone?
I mean, look at you.
She must be blind.
MR. KRABS:
Ooh, a limousine.
Oh, there she is.
Oh, I can just smell
the money already.
(humming)
Here we are, darling.
The best eatery in town.
(gulps)
Harold, again?
Martha, I know what
you're thinking.
It is not me this time.
Well, whatever it is,
it's disgusting.
Let's get out of here.
Yeah.
Mr. Krabs, Squidward,
allow me to introduce
my date, Patty.
Your date's a Krabby Patty?
Me thinks the boy's
really lost it.
What is that putrid odor?
(sniffs)
Oh, it's the Krabby Patty.
What are you doing
with that rotten
piece of meat, boy?
This isn't a piece 'o meat,
Mr. Krabs.
She's Patty.
And we're on a special
date tonight,
so you don't mind
if we get the manager's
treatment, do ya?
Sorry, boy, no can do.
Oh, really?
Mr. Fiver says different.
What was that?
I couldn't hear ya.
How about now?
All right, take a seat.
Grazie.
Here you go, my dear.
A throne befitting a queen.
Oh, good evening, monsieur.
What might we have
on the menu at this
fine establishment?
Well, you should know,
considering the fact that you
work here, sod for brains.
Speaking of sod,
why don't you get
rid of this garbage?
lt's starting to
stink up the joint.
Don't say such a thing,
Squidward.
Patty's just
a little sick is all.
Right, wubby-wubby?
I'll show you sick!
Squidward, what are
you doing with my
beautiful Patty?
Beautiful, huh?
How beautiful do you
think this is?
(shuddering)
Stop it, Squidward!
Maybe you can't see
Patty's beauty,
but to me, she's the most
gorgeous creature in the sea.
Well, I definitely
see I can't help the
mentally atrophied.
Good-bye, creature.
Pay you no mind to that,
wubby-wubby.
I will always love...
(sniffs)
Ew, what is that smell?
(gasps)
Patty?
(screaming)
What happened to you?!
I think I can explain, boy.
There was time when
I was in love, too.
She was a Krabby
Patty that looked a
lot like yours does.
Well, maybe not
right now, but you
know what I mean.
She was a firm,
juicy, a warm patty.
And attractive...
oh, she looked good
enough to eat.
So... I did.
You hear what I'm
saying to you, boy?
Um, not quite, Mr. Krabs.
Krabby Patties are meant
to be loved and eaten.
That's what they're
put in the ocean for.
And it looks like
yours is way past due.
I see now.
I see what I must do.
Oh, Patty, my darling,
before I do this,
I want you to know
that I only do it out of love.
(chomping)
(swallows)
Well done, boy.
And as a reward for
your valiant effort,
l'll only charge you
25 cents for the patty,
employee discount.
Can I get a doggy bag with that?
(snoring and mumbling)
PATRICK:
Could you pass the chips,
SpongeBob?
SPONGEBOB:
Sorry, Patrick,
we're all out.
Oh, barnacles!
(mumbling)
What am I gonna do
with all this dip?
Patrick!
(screaming)
What are you two morons doing?
Waiting to watch
the sunrise... with you.
At 3:47 in the morning?!
Uh-huh.
ln my bedroom?!
We come here every morning.
You sneak into my house
every morning?
Uh-huh.
(grunting angrily)
It's our favorite pastime.
Ah, the memories we've shared,
right in this room.
They're all here
in this memory book.
(growling)
Here we are
on the Fourth of July.
(fretting)
And Valentine's Day.
Oh, you looked so cute
on Easter.
(fuming)
What's wrong, Squidward?
Do you remember
what I told you happens
to my brain every time
l see you?!
(both gasp)
BOTH:
Story time!
Can I tell it this time,
Squidward, pretty please?
Whenever Squidward sees us,
the storm clouds
in his brain roll in,
and a nasty storm rages.
So, Squidward's happy gland
is forced to take shelter
in the recesses of his mind.
But the happy gland can't find
a recess deep enough,
so he gets the flu and has
to stay in bed until we leave.
(sneezes)
And that is why I will never,
for as long as I live,
and throughout all time
and eternity, ever...
... and with every fiber
of my being, I know that
l never want
to see you two again...
Squidward?
For as long as time
shall stand!
Uh, Squidward?
What?!
(birds singing)
BOTH:
Oh!
Thanks for sharing this
moment with us, Squidward.
Get out!
(grunting)
Ah!
Perfect.
Wow, that's a nice one!
Thanks for inviting us to your
big fencewarming party.
Oh, of course.
Come, have a seat.
The picnic's
about to start.
Oh, this is so neat!
I've never picnicked
on a catapult before.
(creaking)
Have you...
I've never picnicked
on a catapult before.
(creaking)
Have you...
...SpongeBob?!
It worked!
(laughs)
Now I just turn on
the electric fence.
(sizzling)
Now they'll never get back in.
(yelling, both laughing)
Let's do it again!
Let's do
it again!
Can we,
Squidward?
Huh?
What? No! Get out!
But...
No!
You're going out
this door right...
(shouting)
You're not mad at us, are you, Squidward?
Squidward?
Squidward?!
(yelling,
thunder rumbling)
(birds singing,
angelic voices singing)
Well, okay, then.
You look like
you need some alone time.
We'll be at the petting zoo
if you need us.
(shoes squeaking)
SQUIDWARD:
Do they have cute
sea horses there?
Yeah, they're
pretty adorable.
And-And the little scallops
that nibble on your fingers
when you feed them?
Oh, yeah.
Can I come?
(both gasping)
BOTH:
Oh... yeah.
(camera shutter clicking)
(squeaking)
(camera shutter clicking)
(camera shutter
clicking rapidly)
BOTH:
Good night, Squidward.
Hey, Patrick, did you notice
something different
about Squidward?
Uh, new glasses?
No, no, I mean,
he seems happier.
(metal creaks)
Good night, Bikini Bottom!
I love you!
(door squeaks shut)
He's probably happy
about his new glasses.
(snoring, rooster crowing)
(horn blowing)
Good morning, SpongeBob.
Honk!
(horn blowing)
Squidward, what are
you doing here?
You were right, SpongeBob.
Watching the sunrise
together is much better.
(laughs)
Oh, yeah, I forgot.
The new Squidward.
l guess I better
get ready for work.
(squeaking)
Boy, the new Squidward
sure is friendly.
(laughs uncomfortably)
The new Squidward
sure is helpful.
(humming)
Ah!
Huh?
(laughing)
The new Squidward
sure is hygienic.
(shoes squeaking)
Boy...
the new Squidward
sure is chummy.
(eating and chattering)
Ah, this is more like it.
Just me, my grill,
and you, Mr. Smiley Face
Krabby Patty.
No one can come
between us.
Hello, SpongeBob.
Ahh, S-S-Squidward!
Aren't you supposed
to be out front?
I wanted to help you work.
What?! Oh, that's silly talk,
Squidward.
I'm chief fry cook,
and we fry cooks
work alone.
And, uh...
we're not supposed
to get distracted
while we're cooking, Squidward!
Mr. Squidward!
Stop distracting SpongeBob
and service the customers.
How are we today?
Everything a-okay here?
What do you mean?
How's your meal?
Anyone need tartar sauce?
I have an idea.
How about a free Krusty Krab
Junior Crew hat
for the little tyke?
Mommy?
I'm scared.
Who wants a free refill?
Did someone just say "free"?
What's the problem here?
He-He...
He asked me
if I wanted tartar sauce,
and then he gave me a free hat.
Free?!
Mr. Squidward.
Yes, sir.
Listen up.
Me customers come here for
cheap food and verbal abuse,
and if you can't get it right,
get back in the kitchen
with SpongeBob.
(toilet flushing)
(sighs):
Ah!
Squidward, what are you doing?
Mr. Krabs told me
to help you,
so I made Krabby Patties, see?
(clicking tongue)
Oh, these will
never do.
Besides, it takes years
of practice.
You'd never be up to it.
SpongeBob, what are you
doing with those patties?
Oh, these are no
good, Mr. Krabs.
Squidward made 'em.
They look okay to me.
But he's not
a real fry cook.
He is now. Give him an
apron and put him to work.
You know, he might be as
good a fry cook as you.
(whimpering)
(patties sizzling)
Wow, SpongeBob!
You've been Employee
Of the Month,
like, a zillion times.
I wish I could be
Employee Of the Month.
Actually, Squidward,
in point of fact,
l have been
Employee Of the Month
a gazillion and six times.
But keep dreaming.
MR. KRABS:
SpongeBob!
Yes, Mr. Krabs.
What is the
meaning of this?
What's wrong with it?
A smiley face with dimples?
(screaming)
Dimples?
It was him!
New Squidward
did it!
MR. KRABS:
Mr. Squidward!
Yes, sir?
I have one thing to
say to you, Mister.
Oh, I just love
the little ketchup
dimples you do.
You're me new
Employee Of
the Month.
(camera shutter clicks,
cheering)
Special delivery
for this month's
Employee Of the Month.
I wonder who it could be.
As if I didn't know.
No, really, who is it?
I don't know.
The guy you're looking for
is over there.
Hooray!
Oh.
(crying)
SpongeBob?
Yes?
l want you to pull
yourself together, okay?
And then I want you to...
Mm-hmm?
Help me spell Squidward.
Okay.
Thanks, SpongeBob.
Party at my house!
(cheering and laughing)
(cheering,
excited chatter)
(knocking)
(cheering and chatter)
(party music plays)
SQUIDWARD:
Enjoying the
party, SpongeBob?
How's the cake, SpongeBob?
It's okay, Squidward.
It's a very okay cake.
(sniffles)
SQUIDWARD:
l love being
Employee Of the Month.
Oh, so what if New Squidward
is a better cook than you?
Doesn't matter.
And so what if Squidward
replaced you
as Employee Of the Month?
And so what if New Squidward
is pogo dancing
with your best friend?
Ah! Pogo dancing
with your best friend?!
(both laughing)
(whimpering)
(yelling)
(both laughing)
(yelling):
Stop!
(all gasping)
(murmuring)
Maybe you can take my job,
and maybe you can
take my place
on the Employee Of the
Month Wall Of Fame,
but nobody, and l mean nobody,
pogo dances with that guy
but me!
Now do yourself a big fat favor
and get out, bub!
(whimpering):
Aah! Oh!
(whimpering)
(sizzling)
ALL:
Huh?
(laughing)
You know, Patrick,
maybe I was a little hard
on New Squidward.
I mean, he might be
a good fry cook,
and he might have
his picture on the wall,
but I still have
the best friend in the world.
(gasps):
I know.
I'll go apologize.
Come on!
(party-goers cheering)
(zinging)
(Squidward yelling)
Squidward,
I just want to say I'm sorry
for being so selfish,
and yelling at you and all.
I mean, who cares about cooking
and pictures
on the wall and dancing?
We're, we're bigger
than that, right?
So, if you're willing
to let bygones be bygones,
then I'm willing
to meet you halfway.
What do you say, buddy?
Put her there.
He's too proud.
Oh, I'll just meet you
all the way.
Lay one on me, pal.
(zinging)
(shuddering groans)
Hey, I want to dance funny, too!
(zinging)
(shuddering groans)
(explosion)
(zinging)
SpongeBob!
Patrick!
What are you two
still doing here?
What are you talking about?
Yeah, what's the big idea?
(all grumbling
and talking over each other)
♪ Someday I'm gonna
make you my sweetie ♪
♪ Not overtly ♪
♪ But surreptitiously ♪
Drum solo!
(mimicking drums)
Doo!
Doo! Doo-doo-doo-doo!
Hey, looks like you guys
and gals are done.
In all my years of fry cookery,
l have never seen such
a lovely group of patties.
Especially... you.
Such perfection;
from your little lettuce hair
to your rosy ketchup cheeks,
right down to your
mustard smile.
May I call you "Patty"?
SpongeBob, I need
that order of six!
Here you go, Squidward.
One and two and three
and four and, uh...
five and six; that's it.
That's the whole order,
Squidward.
There isn't a Krabby Patty
behind my back or anything.
Uh... yeah.
Patty, a patty like you comes
around once in a lifetime.
I can't let them eat you.
No, the job must come first.
I can't let emotions
cloud my commitment
to the sacred fry cook oath:
"That which is fried
must be eaten."
SpongeBob,
where is that other...?
Oh, there it is.
Where's my Krabby Patty?
Right here, muscle boy.
It's about time!
(screams)
No, I won't let you
do this to Patty.
SpongeBob, hand over
the Krabby...
Oh, Patty, I can't
let them eat you.
Your beauty must be preserved.
♪ Amazing. ♪
(laughs)
What are you gonna do
with it, take it home?
Put a little dress on it?
Go out for a romantic
walk with it?
Fine idea!
(sighs):
I wonder if it's too late
to get a refund
from my therapist.
Enjoy, sir.
Can I eat this one?
Ah...
Hey, how'd they know?
I love grilled shoe.
What's cooking there, Patty.
Oh, are you kidding?
I love crepes.
Oh, Patty, when we're together,
l feel like we're
in our own little world.
Like, like nothing can hurt us.
(explosion)
Fire!
Fire! Fire!
(meows)
(panting)
It's okay, Patty.
The fire's gone.
You're safe now.
(doorbell rings)
Oh, I'd better get the doorbell.
(laughs)
SpongeBob,
how about another game of...
"Tie your best
buddy in knots"?
My turn.
Sorry, Patrick.
I already made plans
to go for a walk
through Jellyfish Fields
with Patty.
As soon as the little lady
dries her hair,
we're heading out.
(karate yell)
(screams)
Hey-a, SpongeBob,
you didn't forget
about our plan to go a-choppin',
did ya?
Sorry, Sandy, no time
for karate today.
After our walk, I'm going
for a rowboat ride with Patty.
Just waiting for her
to put on her makeup.
You know how long it takes
a Krabby Patty to get ready.
Well, that makes
about as much sense
as a snake
with no slither.
Patties are put in the
water for eating, SpongeBob,
not for bebopping
all over Timbuktu.
(sighs):
Patty.
Yeah, well, you two have fun
with that.
Patty and I have
to be on our way.
I've been replaced
by a sandwich!
(sobbing)
Maybe I can meet a lovely
sandwich of my own.
Yeah!
That'll show SpongeBob!
♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ They may call me a fool ♪
♪ But I can't help ♪
♪ Our gravitational pull ♪
♪ When I stuff you
with cotton candy ♪
♪ It reminds me
you're so sweet ♪
♪ When we go riding ♪
♪ It's dandy the way
you hang on to the seat ♪
♪ Ba-ay-ay-by ♪
♪ When I'm with you, our love
is stronger than glue ♪
♪ Whoo ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ There isn't anything,
there's nothing in the world ♪
♪ I wouldn't do for you... ♪
Hey, let go of her,
you patty eaters!
No! Get away!
(karate yells)
Whaaa... yaaa!
Hyah!
Hyah-yaaah!
Wha-ya-ya-ya-wha-ya!
Wha-ya-wha-wha-ya-ya!
Hyah-yah-yah-yah!
♪ Patty, you okay, sweetums? ♪
♪ I'm so... sorry ♪
♪ I'll never let you
out of my sight again ♪
♪ And I'll always keep you
out of harms way ♪
♪ Yeeeee ♪
♪ Oh, baby,
I love you so strong ♪
♪ That's why I'm singing
this song ♪
♪ Ba-ay-ay-by ♪
♪ Your looks are
sweeter than honey ♪
♪ From your pickles to your
buns, it ain't even funny... ♪
(screams)
I'm coming for ya.
Oh, no, look at you!
Don't worry, Patty.
I'll take care of this.
There you go.
♪ All better ♪
♪ Oh, baby. ♪
Oh, Patty,
do you realize
what this signifies?
Mm-hmm, that's right.
It's our six-hour anniversary.
And do you know what that means?
Are you all right, Patty?
You don't seem so hot.
Don't fret.
I know what'll make
you feel better.
A dinner at the finest
restaurant in Bikini Bottom.
MR. KRABS:
Squidward!
Where the barnacles
is our fry cook?
He's been gone all day.
That boy's never been
a work-shirker.
We got a crowd of hungry
customers waiting.
How should I know?
Do I look like an
idiot's keeper?
Well... actually...
Well, good day, sirs.
As if on cue.
SpongeBob, what's
with the fancy getup?
Oh, I just got gussied up
for my special dinner date.
A dinner date?
Well, blow me down, boy.
Didn't know you had it in you.
When do we get to meet
the little lady?
By the way, is she rich?
She's rich in taste.
How could you
possibly date anyone?
I mean, look at you.
She must be blind.
MR. KRABS:
Ooh, a limousine.
Oh, there she is.
Oh, I can just smell
the money already.
(humming)
Here we are, darling.
The best eatery in town.
(gulps)
Harold, again?
Martha, I know what
you're thinking.
It is not me this time.
Well, whatever it is,
it's disgusting.
Let's get out of here.
Yeah.
Mr. Krabs, Squidward,
allow me to introduce
my date, Patty.
Your date's a Krabby Patty?
Me thinks the boy's
really lost it.
What is that putrid odor?
(sniffs)
Oh, it's the Krabby Patty.
What are you doing
with that rotten
piece of meat, boy?
This isn't a piece 'o meat,
Mr. Krabs.
She's Patty.
And we're on a special
date tonight,
so you don't mind
if we get the manager's
treatment, do ya?
Sorry, boy, no can do.
Oh, really?
Mr. Fiver says different.
What was that?
I couldn't hear ya.
How about now?
All right, take a seat.
Grazie.
Here you go, my dear.
A throne befitting a queen.
Oh, good evening, monsieur.
What might we have
on the menu at this
fine establishment?
Well, you should know,
considering the fact that you
work here, sod for brains.
Speaking of sod,
why don't you get
rid of this garbage?
lt's starting to
stink up the joint.
Don't say such a thing,
Squidward.
Patty's just
a little sick is all.
Right, wubby-wubby?
I'll show you sick!
Squidward, what are
you doing with my
beautiful Patty?
Beautiful, huh?
How beautiful do you
think this is?
(shuddering)
Stop it, Squidward!
Maybe you can't see
Patty's beauty,
but to me, she's the most
gorgeous creature in the sea.
Well, I definitely
see I can't help the
mentally atrophied.
Good-bye, creature.
Pay you no mind to that,
wubby-wubby.
I will always love...
(sniffs)
Ew, what is that smell?
(gasps)
Patty?
(screaming)
What happened to you?!
I think I can explain, boy.
There was time when
I was in love, too.
She was a Krabby
Patty that looked a
lot like yours does.
Well, maybe not
right now, but you
know what I mean.
She was a firm,
juicy, a warm patty.
And attractive...
oh, she looked good
enough to eat.
So... I did.
You hear what I'm
saying to you, boy?
Um, not quite, Mr. Krabs.
Krabby Patties are meant
to be loved and eaten.
That's what they're
put in the ocean for.
And it looks like
yours is way past due.
I see now.
I see what I must do.
Oh, Patty, my darling,
before I do this,
I want you to know
that I only do it out of love.
(chomping)
(swallows)
Well done, boy.
And as a reward for
your valiant effort,
l'll only charge you
25 cents for the patty,
employee discount.
Can I get a doggy bag with that?
(snoring and mumbling)
PATRICK:
Could you pass the chips,
SpongeBob?
SPONGEBOB:
Sorry, Patrick,
we're all out.
Oh, barnacles!
(mumbling)
What am I gonna do
with all this dip?
Patrick!
(screaming)
What are you two morons doing?
Waiting to watch
the sunrise... with you.
At 3:47 in the morning?!
Uh-huh.
ln my bedroom?!
We come here every morning.
You sneak into my house
every morning?
Uh-huh.
(grunting angrily)
It's our favorite pastime.
Ah, the memories we've shared,
right in this room.
They're all here
in this memory book.
(growling)
Here we are
on the Fourth of July.
(fretting)
And Valentine's Day.
Oh, you looked so cute
on Easter.
(fuming)
What's wrong, Squidward?
Do you remember
what I told you happens
to my brain every time
l see you?!
(both gasp)
BOTH:
Story time!
Can I tell it this time,
Squidward, pretty please?
Whenever Squidward sees us,
the storm clouds
in his brain roll in,
and a nasty storm rages.
So, Squidward's happy gland
is forced to take shelter
in the recesses of his mind.
But the happy gland can't find
a recess deep enough,
so he gets the flu and has
to stay in bed until we leave.
(sneezes)
And that is why I will never,
for as long as I live,
and throughout all time
and eternity, ever...
... and with every fiber
of my being, I know that
l never want
to see you two again...
Squidward?
For as long as time
shall stand!
Uh, Squidward?
What?!
(birds singing)
BOTH:
Oh!
Thanks for sharing this
moment with us, Squidward.
Get out!
(grunting)
Ah!
Perfect.
Wow, that's a nice one!
Thanks for inviting us to your
big fencewarming party.
Oh, of course.
Come, have a seat.
The picnic's
about to start.
Oh, this is so neat!
I've never picnicked
on a catapult before.
(creaking)
Have you...
I've never picnicked
on a catapult before.
(creaking)
Have you...
...SpongeBob?!
It worked!
(laughs)
Now I just turn on
the electric fence.
(sizzling)
Now they'll never get back in.
(yelling, both laughing)
Let's do it again!
Let's do
it again!
Can we,
Squidward?
Huh?
What? No! Get out!
But...
No!
You're going out
this door right...
(shouting)
You're not mad at us, are you, Squidward?
Squidward?
Squidward?!
(yelling,
thunder rumbling)
(birds singing,
angelic voices singing)
Well, okay, then.
You look like
you need some alone time.
We'll be at the petting zoo
if you need us.
(shoes squeaking)
SQUIDWARD:
Do they have cute
sea horses there?
Yeah, they're
pretty adorable.
And-And the little scallops
that nibble on your fingers
when you feed them?
Oh, yeah.
Can I come?
(both gasping)
BOTH:
Oh... yeah.
(camera shutter clicking)
(squeaking)
(camera shutter clicking)
(camera shutter
clicking rapidly)
BOTH:
Good night, Squidward.
Hey, Patrick, did you notice
something different
about Squidward?
Uh, new glasses?
No, no, I mean,
he seems happier.
(metal creaks)
Good night, Bikini Bottom!
I love you!
(door squeaks shut)
He's probably happy
about his new glasses.
(snoring, rooster crowing)
(horn blowing)
Good morning, SpongeBob.
Honk!
(horn blowing)
Squidward, what are
you doing here?
You were right, SpongeBob.
Watching the sunrise
together is much better.
(laughs)
Oh, yeah, I forgot.
The new Squidward.
l guess I better
get ready for work.
(squeaking)
Boy, the new Squidward
sure is friendly.
(laughs uncomfortably)
The new Squidward
sure is helpful.
(humming)
Ah!
Huh?
(laughing)
The new Squidward
sure is hygienic.
(shoes squeaking)
Boy...
the new Squidward
sure is chummy.
(eating and chattering)
Ah, this is more like it.
Just me, my grill,
and you, Mr. Smiley Face
Krabby Patty.
No one can come
between us.
Hello, SpongeBob.
Ahh, S-S-Squidward!
Aren't you supposed
to be out front?
I wanted to help you work.
What?! Oh, that's silly talk,
Squidward.
I'm chief fry cook,
and we fry cooks
work alone.
And, uh...
we're not supposed
to get distracted
while we're cooking, Squidward!
Mr. Squidward!
Stop distracting SpongeBob
and service the customers.
How are we today?
Everything a-okay here?
What do you mean?
How's your meal?
Anyone need tartar sauce?
I have an idea.
How about a free Krusty Krab
Junior Crew hat
for the little tyke?
Mommy?
I'm scared.
Who wants a free refill?
Did someone just say "free"?
What's the problem here?
He-He...
He asked me
if I wanted tartar sauce,
and then he gave me a free hat.
Free?!
Mr. Squidward.
Yes, sir.
Listen up.
Me customers come here for
cheap food and verbal abuse,
and if you can't get it right,
get back in the kitchen
with SpongeBob.
(toilet flushing)
(sighs):
Ah!
Squidward, what are you doing?
Mr. Krabs told me
to help you,
so I made Krabby Patties, see?
(clicking tongue)
Oh, these will
never do.
Besides, it takes years
of practice.
You'd never be up to it.
SpongeBob, what are you
doing with those patties?
Oh, these are no
good, Mr. Krabs.
Squidward made 'em.
They look okay to me.
But he's not
a real fry cook.
He is now. Give him an
apron and put him to work.
You know, he might be as
good a fry cook as you.
(whimpering)
(patties sizzling)
Wow, SpongeBob!
You've been Employee
Of the Month,
like, a zillion times.
I wish I could be
Employee Of the Month.
Actually, Squidward,
in point of fact,
l have been
Employee Of the Month
a gazillion and six times.
But keep dreaming.
MR. KRABS:
SpongeBob!
Yes, Mr. Krabs.
What is the
meaning of this?
What's wrong with it?
A smiley face with dimples?
(screaming)
Dimples?
It was him!
New Squidward
did it!
MR. KRABS:
Mr. Squidward!
Yes, sir?
I have one thing to
say to you, Mister.
Oh, I just love
the little ketchup
dimples you do.
You're me new
Employee Of
the Month.
(camera shutter clicks,
cheering)
Special delivery
for this month's
Employee Of the Month.
I wonder who it could be.
As if I didn't know.
No, really, who is it?
I don't know.
The guy you're looking for
is over there.
Hooray!
Oh.
(crying)
SpongeBob?
Yes?
l want you to pull
yourself together, okay?
And then I want you to...
Mm-hmm?
Help me spell Squidward.
Okay.
Thanks, SpongeBob.
Party at my house!
(cheering and laughing)
(cheering,
excited chatter)
(knocking)
(cheering and chatter)
(party music plays)
SQUIDWARD:
Enjoying the
party, SpongeBob?
How's the cake, SpongeBob?
It's okay, Squidward.
It's a very okay cake.
(sniffles)
SQUIDWARD:
l love being
Employee Of the Month.
Oh, so what if New Squidward
is a better cook than you?
Doesn't matter.
And so what if Squidward
replaced you
as Employee Of the Month?
And so what if New Squidward
is pogo dancing
with your best friend?
Ah! Pogo dancing
with your best friend?!
(both laughing)
(whimpering)
(yelling)
(both laughing)
(yelling):
Stop!
(all gasping)
(murmuring)
Maybe you can take my job,
and maybe you can
take my place
on the Employee Of the
Month Wall Of Fame,
but nobody, and l mean nobody,
pogo dances with that guy
but me!
Now do yourself a big fat favor
and get out, bub!
(whimpering):
Aah! Oh!
(whimpering)
(sizzling)
ALL:
Huh?
(laughing)
You know, Patrick,
maybe I was a little hard
on New Squidward.
I mean, he might be
a good fry cook,
and he might have
his picture on the wall,
but I still have
the best friend in the world.
(gasps):
I know.
I'll go apologize.
Come on!
(party-goers cheering)
(zinging)
(Squidward yelling)
Squidward,
I just want to say I'm sorry
for being so selfish,
and yelling at you and all.
I mean, who cares about cooking
and pictures
on the wall and dancing?
We're, we're bigger
than that, right?
So, if you're willing
to let bygones be bygones,
then I'm willing
to meet you halfway.
What do you say, buddy?
Put her there.
He's too proud.
Oh, I'll just meet you
all the way.
Lay one on me, pal.
(zinging)
(shuddering groans)
Hey, I want to dance funny, too!
(zinging)
(shuddering groans)
(explosion)
(zinging)
SpongeBob!
Patrick!
What are you two
still doing here?
What are you talking about?
Yeah, what's the big idea?
(all grumbling
and talking over each other)