SpongeBob SquarePants (1999–…): Season 4, Episode 17 - Driven to Tears/Rule of Dumb - full transcript

Driven to Tears: SpongeBob has failed his driving test-again. Patrick is so outraged by the injustice of it all that he storms into the testing facility and takes the test to prove that it is an unfair test and impossible to pass. Only Patrick DOES pass, and now he's getting his license. But that's not all. Because Patrick is the 1-millionth customer at the DMV, he is awarded a brand new car! SpongeBob tries to be happy for his pal. But watching Patrick abuse his driving privilege and disobey common driving 101 rules makes the Sponge's blood boil. Rule of Dumb: An oversight in a Royal genealogy document revels that Patrick is the next in line to receive a kingly title. It's not long before the power of the crown goes straight to the starfish's head.

Are you ready, kids?

Kids: aye, aye, captain.

I can't hear you!

Kids: aye, aye, captain!

Narrator: it is a very special day in bikini bottom.

Spongebob: i'm ready!

Patrick, did you bring my flashcards?

Right here, buddy.

Everything you need to pass the test is on these cards.

No, patrick!

Hey, learning tastes good.



Patrick, i needed those.

Oh, fiddlesticks!

You've taken that driving test more times than anyone.

57 times.

Well then, 58 is your lucky number!

You're gonna pass that driving test, spongebob,

Because you're a winner.

I'm a winner?

Who's a winner?

I'm a winner.

Who's a winner?

I'm a winner.

Who's a winner?

I'm a winner!



I'm a winner, i'm a winner!

Narrator: one minute, thirty-Seven seconds later...

How'd you do, winner?

Let's see that license.

I didn't get a license, patrick.

Are they gonna mail it to you?

No, patrick, i failed the boating test.

I guess 58 wasn't my lucky number, after all.

No way!

58 is, like, the luckiest number ever.

The test must be rigged.

Let's just go home, patrick.

We're not goin' anywhere until i get to the bottom of this!

I'm takin' that test myself!

Spongebob: no, patrick!

I've been training for years.

They'll eat you alive.

Please, spongebob.

I think i know what i'm doing.

No, patrick.

No!

Good morning.

You're not the judge of me!

Actually, i am.

Let the testing begin!

I shouldn't have let him do it.

What kind of friend am i?

Patrick: spongebob, spongebob!

I'm here for you, buddy.

Patrick: i passed my test.

You got a perfect score?

Yeah!

I thought you said it was hard.

Perfect... score.

Come on.

I've gotta get my picture taken for my new license.

Stand behind the line, sir.

How do i look?

Like a winner.

Ready?

Ready!

Congratulations, mr. Star!

You're the one-Millionth person to pass the test.

Does that mean i get a free key chain?

Uh, no.

You get a brand-New boatmobile!

Fish: the new bass blaster 3000, the ultimate boating machine.

Yeah, all right!

Fish: women will want you!

Fish: men will want to be you.

Fish: you'll be the envy of your friends.

Isn't this great?

I got my license and a new boat.

I'm... so... happy... for you.

Whoa!

The horn works.

Whoo!

This is the greatest day ever, right, spongebob?

Right, patrick.

I can't think of one thing that would make this day better.

Except maybe getting my license.

Maybe if you apply yourself, you could be the two-Millionth person to get his license.

Two-Millionth?

Then you could get a free boat, just like me.

Yeah, "just like you."

I try to serve as an inspiration to others.

Can we go home now?

We've been drivin' around your house for hours.

Patrick: i know!

It's a lot faster than walking, isn't it?

Thanks for the ride, patrick.

No problem, buddy.

You can't help being a... pedestrian.

Patrick, what are you doing?

I'm trying to work on my boatmobile.

Now, could you keep it down?

It's 3:00 in the morning, people are trying to sleep.

4:00.

Who could be at the door at this- Ow, wha-,

Now what is it, patrick?

You will never guess what happened to me today.

You got your license?

Yeah!

But that's not all.

You got a new boat.

Yeah.

Have you been followin' me?

You know, you need to get your ownlife.

I just need a few minutes sleep.

Maow?

Yes, gary, i saw his new boat.

So tired.

Hey, buddy, need a ride to work?

Thanks, patrick, but i'd rather walk to work.

Boy, i never realized how empty life is without a license.

Thanks for the ride.

No problem, buddy.

You can give merides once you get your license.

I mean, ifyou get your license.

That's it, i am through driving around with patrick.

If i have to see one moreboatmobile...

Spongebob, you're mannin' the drive-Through.

When did we get a drive-Through?

I realize there's a lot of young people "on the go" these days.

They don't have time to sit down and eat.

They're too busy, out on the open road, livin' their dreams.

I used to have a dream.

Yeah?

I used to have a kidney stone.

Everything passes eventually.

Now, stop dreamin', and work for a livin'.

Welcome to the krusty krab, may i- Ow!

The horn stillworks.

Hey, spongebob.

What's with the helmet, patrick?

Well, since i'm now an expert driver, i have to keep up my image.

Boy, driving is soeasy.

Do you want me to give you lessons?

Oh, that would be great.

Ooh!

Spongebob: patrick!

Hi, mommy, hi, daddy.

Patrick, how many times do we have to tell you?

We're spongebob's mom and dad, not yours.

What?

I'm an orphan?

Oh, but guess what.

I passed my driver's test.

That's great, patrick.

Spongebob failed his test, so don't mention it.

Oh, we know how to stay clear of thatminefield.

Mom!

Well, i've gotta take mr. Walks-A-Lot back home.

Heh, he's always askin' for rides.

Hey.

Even patrick has a license.

Let's see what this baby can do.

Patrick, the speed limit is 40 miles per hour.

Yeah, yeah.

Spongebob: forty-And-A-Half miles per hour.

That's almost 41 miles per hour.

He's speeding.

Patrick!

Stop this car.

What, where, who?

Officer, it is my civic duty to report that the driver of this vehicle is speeding.

Why don't you clock him with your radar gun?

Um, o.K.

Actually, he's going 40 miles underthe limit.

So move along before i run youin, tattletale.

Are you sure you don't wanna run him in?

That's a red light, patrick.

Augh!

Patrick!

You just ran three red lights!

So?

You're supposed to stop.

I think the driving genius knows what he's doing.

Driving genius?

Would a genius make an illegal u-Turn?

Through an orphanage?

They ran for it in time.

What are you so mad about?

I should've gotten that license!

And this should be my boatmobile.

How can you say that?

If you were my friend, you'd be happy for me getting my license.

If you were my friend, you wouldn't rub your license in my face.

I'm not rubbing my license in your face.

Thisis rubbing my license in your face.

Oh, give me that!

I've worked my whole life for this!

You don't deserve this!

Huh, litterbugs.

Thisis why i joined the force.

It's the police!

Pull it over, litterbug.

Litterbug?

No!

Ooh, i got me a runner.

Patrick, what do you think you're doing?

I don't know!

I don't have a license anymore.

Look out!

Augh!Augh!

Whoa!Whoa!

90 days.

And i hope you learned a valuable lesson about littering.

So long, buddy.

Don't forget to feed gary.

Sometimes you forget to feed him.

What have i done?

Patrick can't survive in prison.

He's too soft.

Wait!

Patrick's innocent.

I tore up patrick's license and threw it out the window.

I'm the litterbug.

Take me, instead.

Well, considerin' there's no legal precedent...

Oh, what the heck.

90 days!

Narrator: one debt to society later...

Patrick!

Spongebob!

I'm glad you passed the test.

I'm glad you have a license.

And to prove it, i made you this.

Spongebob: pals forever.

Let's put it on your boatmobile, buddy.

Uh, i don't have a boatmobile anymore.

What?

It stopped workin', so i threw it away.

The needle was on "e."

Yeah, i figured that must mean "end."

Oh, then what do we do with this?

How's that?

Spongebob: yeah!

Ready, buddy?

Ready, pal.

Woo, woo!

Yeah?

Good day, sir.

I am...

I know exactly who you are!

Ah, there's nothing like spending some quality time with my gar-Gar.

Jason, i have to be honest.

There's someone else.

Grandpa?

Spongebob, help!

He's on to me.

I don't have much time!

Patrick, what're you doing?

Oh, i have to get rid of these books!

Why?

I'll show you why.

Patrick: see him?

He's from the library.

He knows about my overdue books.

Which means i'm gonna get thrown in the big house.

And you know what that means.

Small-Portion meals?

Exactly!

Patrick, don't you worry.

I got your back, man.

Ahem, hi, there.

Salutations, young one.

Say, you wouldn't happen to know the starfish that lives under this rock, would you?

No, i don't know any starfish.

Heh, even if i did know this "alleged" starfish,

Patrick wouldn't owe any overdue library books.

Well, it's too bad you don't know patrick star,

Because i am from the royal ministry and have a gift for him.

Ooh, what is it?

Oh, pretty.

This is the worst-Tasting gift, ever.

That's because you're supposed to wear it, not eat it.

Allow me to show you something.

It's here... ah-Ha!

What i hold in my hands is a family tree that goes back centuries.

It starts with the marriage of king amoeba and queen mildew.

Then, through a few inbred generations, ends at you, sir patrick.

Which makes you a descendant of royalty.

You are a king.

And now, it's time i adjourned to the royal ministry,

Where i shall be at your service, your highness.

Wow, patrick, that's great!

What is?

That you're king!

What's a king?

When you're a king, you can get anything you want.

Anything i want?

Spongebob, do you think we could get somethin' to eat?

Your wish is my command, your majesty.

Spongebob: good townspeople,

Let us rejoice in welcoming our new king.

King needs food, badly.

What's this all abou-

Well, well, well, what can i do for you, patrick?

The king would like-

Zip it, squarepants.

I'm talking to the rich guy.

I'll have ten krabby patties, a krabby milkshake, large fries...

I've got a better idear.

A buffet fit for a king.

Tasty.

Listen, patrick.

There comes a time in every man's life when he's gotta settle down.

You know, get a wife, kids, a father-In-Law you give all of your money to.

Uh-Huh, that sounds great.

Hey, can i get a little more ketchup?

How's about you pay the check, instead?

Oh, sorry, mr. Krabs.

No can do.

As king of bikini bottom, i am allowed to have anything i want.

Isn't that right, spongebob?

That is correct.

Anything you want, and it's allfree.

All free?

Mr. Krabs: nobody eats in me restaurant for free!

King or no king!

Are you gonna eat that?

I was planning to, why?

Patrick: i want it.

Hey!

What gives you the right to take my food?

Tell 'him, spongebob.

Uh, pat, i'm not sure if this is

What being king is all about.

O.K., thank you, sir.

I'm sure king patrick could use this walker.

I hope so.

Neptune knows i did.

Oof!

Patrick: hey, spongebob!

Yes, sire?

I need your opinion on something.

Do you think the giant flat screen tv should go over the fancy egg display,

Or the indoor swimming pool?

Hello, sunshine.

Ooh, what a beautiful morning.

Just perfect.

Patrick: back... back...

Back... o.K.

Yeah, that's good.

Perfect.

What, but, but, but, my house!

What's happened to my- Uh?

Squidward: spongebob, patrick.

What the barnacles is going on here?

Look at what you've done!

Look at my poor front yard!

Yourfront yard?

Um, his royal highness is building a royal ferris wheel.

Ferris wheel?

I know, isn't it great?

No, it's not great, it's horrible!

Oh, that's it, stop!

Squidward: people of bikini bottom, stop!

Stop!

Patrick's no king.

Look at him.

How can this pink blob be king?

You, can you honestly believe that that mindless starfish coud possibly be the king of anything?

King of morons.

Maybe!

He might be on to somethin'.

Yeah, yeah, uh-Huh, uh-Huh, see, see, see, see.

Crowd: yeah, yeah.

Man: yeah, why are we givin' this guy all of our stuff?

See, see?

You're not a king.

And now they all think so, too.

Get him!

Attack!

Attack!

Spongebob, get him!

So i decree.

Attack!

Uh, right away, your majesty.

Uh, squidward?

What?

Um, could i get you to sign this treaty promising your eternal loyalty to king patrick?

Give me that!

Squidward: a treaty, huh?

Well, here's what i think of your treaty.

My royal subjects have deserted me.

And it's all 'cause of that horrible squidward.

This is all his fault!

His, his, not mine, his!

Patrick, what's happened to you?

I don't know what you mean.

You know, actually, mr. Krabs is probably wondering where i am, and-

And what?

And, well, it's just that, um,

You're kind of being a jerk.

I thought you were going to say i was abusing my power.

Uh, well, i-

Who's saying i'm abusing my power?

I'll put the whole town in prison!

Questioning my authority is treason!

All these giggly speeches are making me thirsty.

Spongebob, i request a drink.

Spongebob?

Spongebob?

Uh, gee, everybody's gone.

I'm all alone.

Fine, i'll get it myself.

Monstrous voice: knock, knock.

A knock-Knock joke.

Who's there?

You.

I don't get it.

I'm you, and you are me.

Augh, what have i become?

A monster, monster!

Oh, oh, it's, it's you.

Patrick: here, here, take it.

I don't want it anymore.

It's turned me into a monster.

Oh, i think i know what's going on here.

Patrick, with great power comes great responsibility.

You haven't a clue what i just told you, do you?

No, uh-Uh.

Well, just as well.

I've come to take the crown back,

As it would seem that you aren't royalty after all.

I discovered this coffee stain, which, upon removal,

Reveals that sir gary is the true heir to the king's crown.

Well, would you look at that.

Gary, you're royalty.

Maow?