SpongeBob SquarePants (1999–…): Season 4, Episode 16 - Squidtastic Voyage/That's No Lady - full transcript

Are you ready, kids?

Aye, aye, Captain.

I can't hear you.

Aye, aye, Captain!

Today we study the gentle rhythm of the sea.

Gentle rhythm!

Oh, never mind.

Ocean wave.

Tropical waves.

Whirlpool!

Reverse whirlpool!



Grr!

SpongeBob, turn that noise off!

This will get his attention.

Sponge...

Oh, Squidward, you swallowed your clarinet again.

I'll get it.

No! No! Don't...

- touch... - me!

I'll get a better look.

Mm. It's too dark.

This calls for extreme measures.

Got it!

Hey, the pointy bit on the end is missing.

It's called a reed... eee!



What's a reed... eee?

Great.

- My reed... - is still...

- stuck in my... - throat.

And it's all your fault!

There's only one thing to do.

We got to see Sandy.

Hmm. Just as I thought.

You've got that pointy bit from the end of your clarinet

stuck in your throat.

That was clumsy of you.

I didn't.

It was SpongeBob that...

Well, there's nothing to do for it but surgery.

Ooh...

Now is my chance to try out my new invention--

the solution to your problem.

A submarine?

That's right, Squidward. Let me show you.

This whole lab is called the Chamber of Shrinkage.

I'll shrink the sub and myself down to microscopic size...

...then navigate through your brain,

down into your throat, and extract the reed

from inside. Simple!

Why don't you just shrink the reed?

Oh, Squidward,

always wanting to do it the hard way.

We're all set, Squidward.

Are you ready for the sedative?

Are you sure this is safe?

Completely!

As long as someone competent is behind the wheel.

Hey, what's that?

Hi-yah!

Sweet dreams, pardner.

Oops! I forgot to pack food for the trip.

I've got to get some supplies from my treedome,

and I need you to guard the submarine

while I'm gone.

Do you think you can handle it, SpongeBob?

Can do, Sandy.

Hut-hut-hut, hut-hut-hut!

Hut-hut-hut, hut-hut-hut!

Hi, SpongeBob.

Hello, citizen.

What are you doing?

Guarding Sandy's submarine.

Wow! I've never been in a submarine.

Let's look inside.

Can't. I'm guarding it.

Oh, man! Could you guard it from the inside?

You're right.

Patrick, you're a genius.

Ooh! Ooh!

SpongeBob and Patrick reporting for guard duty.

"Shrink."

I do have a lot of issues.

Pretty. Pretty.

I'm back, SpongeBob. Uh-oh.

You're so tiny.

A giant SpongeBob!

Patrick! SpongeBob!

Sandy's grown to gigantic size!

I don't think Sandy grew, Patrick.

I think weshrunk.

That's silly.

Don't you think it's more likely

that the entire world grew?

Hi, Squidward.

Well, the submarine is safely inside you.

Wonderful. Wait!

If you're out here, then who's in here?

Well, why don't you take a look for yourself?

SpongeBob and Patrick are piloting

a miniature submarine inside my head.

SpongeBob and Patrick...

SpongeBob and...

You better calm down, Squidward.

With them little critters inside you,

I wouldn't be moving around too much.

You can knock them into something important.

Where are we, Patrick?

I don't know, but it's a real dump.

SpongeBob, Patrick, can you hear me?

It's Sandy.

She's in there?

I'll save you, Sandy!

Stop it, you itty-bitty idiot!

Sandy, where are you?

Where are we?

You're trespassing, SpongeBob--

in my lab, my submarine--

and you're trespassing inside of Squidward.

I thought this place was in bad shape.

I heard that!

Let's get you out of there, SpongeBob.

All you need to do is locate the autopilot.

It'll safely take you through your mission,

and then out the extraction point.

Um...

We broke it.

Stop it! What are you trying to do?

Kill him?

This is approximately 17 times harder to drive

than a boatmobile,

which you're never successfully done.

So just take it nice and easy.

No problemo.

Nice and... easy!

So, how's it going?

I can't control my eyeballs!

Don't worry. It's temporary.

Now, just sign this.

Okay. Now, what is this?

Oh, just your autograph,

uh, for when you're, uh... famous.

Oh, of course.

I've got headshots, you know.

What the...?

Squidward!

What's happening?

Give me that! Give it back! No, give it. Give it back.

They're hitting your central nervous system!

Oh. You think?

You're not in control of your actions.

Hey!

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm not in control of my actions.

They've gone off course!

Oh, my gosh! You're out of control!

Ew! Where are we?

Mayday! Mayday!

We're sinking! And Patrick won't stop screaming!

Those stomach acid levels are way too high!

The reserve tanks are almost empty.

Patrick!

Finished.

SpongeBob, you got to get out of there!

It's a straight shot up the stomach to the esophagus

where the reed is.

You can complete your mission

if we could just access an alternative fuel.

Like natural gas.

Natural gas?

Like this.

Stop burping inside me!

That's disgusting!

Wait a minute, Squidward.

They might be on to something.

What? If you could make a big enough burp...

We could filter the C02 through our ballast tanks,

refire the engines,

and ride the shock wave out of here!

Wow.

He's right.What?

We're going through with your plan, Patrick.

Yay! What plan?

Now burp, Squidward.

Lives are on the line.

I never thought it would end this way.

It's working.

Whee! Whee!

They're heading for the esophagus.

Phew! What have you been eating?

Morons.

SpongeBob to Sandy.

We're reached the foreign obstruction.

Okay. You're going to have to go out and dislodge it somehow.

I'm already on it.

This stupid hammer won't break anything.

SpongeBob, do what you were born to do! Dance!

You're right, Patrick.

Whirlpool spin!

Good work, guys.

Mission accomplished.

Now all you have to do is...

Get out of my body!

Go!

Grow?

Almost ready to open.

There!

Good morning, Mr. Krabs.

Hello, Squidward.

Neptune's trousers!

What's gotten into you?

Reporting for duty, Mr. Krabs.

Squidward, the toilet's backed up again.

Hey!

Hey, you there!Who me?

Yes, you.

Get outta town!

Get outta town!

And take a vacation

to beautiful Sunny Seashores Resort.

Here you go, sir.

I got to get out of town!

Oh, thanks, SpongeBob.

Sure, Patrick...

I got to get going!

He told me to.Who did?

Uh... well...

I'm not sure, but he had a briefcase.

Oh, a briefcase!

He might be a paid assassin.

But, Patrick, you can't go-- not like this.

Who will go with me to the next Jellyfisherman's Expo?

It will have to be one of your other chums.

'Cause my mind is set.

Unset it, please unset it.

I guess I'll pack up my stuff and get ready to go.

My... clothes.

Um, Patrick, those are my clothes.

My peanut butter.

That's my peanut butter.

And my pickles.

I can't believe you're leaving, Patrick...

with all my pickles!

It's the end of me...

being here.

Wait!

Stop.

What about all our plans?

"8:00 a.m., wake up Patrick.

"9:00 a.m., eat Kelpo with Patrick.

"10:00 a.m., brush teeth with Patrick.

1:00 p.m., stare at Patrick."

Who's going to do all that with me?

I'm sorry, there's no stopping the unstoppable.

Patrick Star will live no more, forever...

in Bikini Bottom.

But what if you weren't Patrick Star?

Oh, no! I'm not Patrick Star?

You are Patrick Star, but you won't be for long.

There you go, Patrick.

No one will know it's you.

Patrick, you okay?

Hey, guys.

Yo, Patrick, cool shades.

Well, Pat, that disguise didn't work.

We're going to have to try harder.

Yeah, well, thanks, old SpongeBob, for your help.

It was a noble effort,

but alas, all in vain.

It's no use. I must leave.

Good-bye, rock.

Good-bye, coral... Ow!

Good-bye, seaweed.

Too bad we couldn't come up with a better costume.

Good-bye, sky.

That's it!

With that seaweed on your head, you could be...

I know! I know!

I could be Mr. Seaweed Monster Man.

And live happily forever after in Bikini Bottom.

Patrick, there already is a Mr. Seaweed Monster Man.

Hey.

Darn.

It's okay, Patrick.

So you can't be a monster.

But that vegetation on your head

give me an idea of what you can be.

You're all set.

Come on out, Patrick.

Hi, SpongeBob.

And hello, lady!

The disguise is working, Patrick.

I mean... Patricia.

SpongeBob,

you never told me you had a girlfriend.

Oh, I'm not his girlfriend.

I'm Pat. ...tricia.

Patricia, Patricia.

Bro, your girlfriend is not ugly.

Actually, Larry, she's not my girlfriend.

She's just a...

It's cool, buddy.

You don't have to explain your girlfriend to me.

But she's not my girlfriend.

I don't know why you're standing here talking to me

when you could be talking to your girlfriend.

Come on, Patricia.

Bye.

Congratulations on the new girlfriend, dude.

SpongeBob, this is not the time for a Sunday stroll.

It's time for work.

But, Mr. Krabs, the Krusty Krab doesn't open

for another two hours.

There'll be no such thing

as opening too early, me boy.

Excuse us, Miss.

SpongeBob, who's your friend?

Mr. Krabs, this is Patricia.

Patricia.

The most beautiful sound I've ever seen.

SpongeBob, do we need any more help down at The Krusty Krab?

No.We do? Great. She can start right away.

And who are you, my Rubenesque beauty?

That's Patricia--

our newest Krusty Krab employee.

Well, she sure is stunning.

Just keep your eyes

on the customers, Mr. Squidward.

Hi, Patricia.

I drew this for you.

The likeness is uncanny if I do say so myself.

Uh, thank you, Squidward.

Order up, Miss Patricia.

Excuse me, Squidward.

This order goes to table seven.

And remember your manners.

Four... nee... foo-nee...

That's a seven, Patricia.

Mr. Krabs, you ordered two Krusty Meals?

Did I order two meals?

Oh, silly me.

I can't possibly eat two Krusty Meals myself.

I guess you'll just have to help me

finish all this food.

Okay.

Patricia, we may have only

known each other for a short time now,

but I feel like a special connection has been made.

Quite an appetite, but she's all woman.

You know, Patricia, they don't call me

the sizzle-lipped squid for nothing.

So are you free this Saturday night?

No. That's the night SpongeBob and I

are having a staring contest.

SpongeBob?!

Get back to work, you goldbricking freeloader!

Hut two, hut, two, ya, ya!

And don't come back until all those patties are Krabby.

Well, now that we're alone,

how would you like to be my date Friday night to a...

I can't.

SpongeBob and I will be flying submarines that night.

I have to get back to Krusting the Krab.

Man, why are those two so nice to me?

They were never this nice to Patrick.

It's weird.

Are you sure about Saturday night?

Persistent bunch.

How about Sunday brunch?

No thanks... again.

But I made reservations for two at...

I said no.

No.

No way.

No.

No.

No!

What is it about me

that makes those two so friendly?

Must have something to do with this disguise.

I can't wear this any longer.

If you reveal your secret identity,

you'll have to leave Bikini Bottom.

I'm sorry, SpongeBob.

I just can't live like this anymore.

I'm tired of pretending to be someone I'm not.

The lovely Patricia...

has returned to us.

I have an announcement to make.

The entire day that I've worked here,

I've wanted to say...

I've wanted to say that, uh...

that...

that I will eat any leftovers you leave on your plate.

Ahoy!

Waitress!

Aren't you gonna take myorder?

I'll be right there, sir.

What's the matter, Patrick?

Th-that's the guy with the briefcase.

The guy who's trying to run me out of town.

The assassin!

What can I get you, sir?

Say,

don't I know you from somewhere?

No.

That's it!

Get outta town!

He's on to us.

I won't let you do it.

You'll have to do something horrible to me

before I'll let you throw Patrick out of town!

Patrick?! Patrick?!

You forgot your flyer.

"Get outta town!

To beautiful Sunny Shore Resorts."

Look, this guy wasn't trying to run you out of town.

He just wanted to sell you a luxury vacation

at a modest price.

Well, I guess I don't need this disguise anymore.

Um...

I think I need to take a shower.

So, let me get this straight.

Uh, you're not a woman?

No.

Well, then you're fired.

Uh, if anybody needs me, I'll be in my office

for, I don't know, the next 20 years or so.

Hey, buddy, what do you say we go home

and get started on this list?