SpongeBob SquarePants (1999–…): Season 4, Episode 1 - Fear of a Krabby Patty/Shell of a Man - full transcript

Are you ready, kids?

KIDS:Aye, aye, Captain!

I can't hear you!

Aye, aye, Captain!

Finished at last!

What do you boys think of me masterpiece?

What! That is totally unfair!

Squidward's right, that's totally unfair!

Couldn't we get to work earlier than 6:00 a.m.?

Like 5:30 a.m.?

Or 5:00 a.m.? Or 4:00 a.m.?



Zip it.

What the...?

The Chum Bucket open 23 hours!

So, that little piece of flotsam Plankton

thinks he can stay open longer than me, does he?

Sure. I don't know. Why not?

Well, he's wrong!Oh, okay, sure.

As of now, the Krusty Krab is open 24 hours!

Did you hear that, Squidward?

We get to keep working and working and working

without ever having to go home.

I got to pinch myself 'cause I must be dreaming.

Well, I'm not dreaming.

Open 24 hours, eh?



I knew he couldn't resist

staying open later than me.

My evil plan is working perfectly.

He'll run his employees into the ground,

and when SpongeBob's mind finally cracks from exhaustion,

I'll get him to tell me the secret Krabby Patty formula!

Why aren't you laughing?

I've heard this joke before.

All right, everybody!

The Krusty Krab is entering day three of nonstop service!

Let's give it up for day three!

Yee-haw! Day three!

Krabby Patty, I don't care if we have to stay open

till the day after the end of time.

As long as I'm with you, I'm complete.

Day ten of nonstop service!

Mr. Krabs, can I go home yet?

No one goes home!

Look at these bags under my eyes.

Even my bags have bags.

Quit your bellyaching, Squidward.

You don't hear SpongeBob complaining, do you?

You can learn a few things from that boy.

Mr. Krabs, he is not normal.

All right, you can sit down for five minutes.

Then it's back to work!

Drat! He's not collapsing from exhaustion!

But with a little more pressure,

the Sponge will crack like an egg.

Then I'll be there to feast on the goo of his shattered psyche.

Ew! A spider bug.

Now, come on.

Krusty Krab!

The restaurant that never closes.

You'd like to place an order?

10,000 Krabby Patties?

We'll start your order right away, Mr., uh, uh...

What was that name again?

Uh-huh. Peter Lankton.

Wait a minute.

This isn't some kind of prank, is it?

Uh... no.

Good. We'll call you when it's ready, Mr. Lankton.

Kick it into high gear!

We got a big order!

I'm counting on you, boy!

I need you to raise that spatular!

Yeah!

And I need you to say "Team Krusty Krab!"

Team Krusty Krab!

That's me boy.

Now, make me 10,000 patties!

And no breaks.

Whoo-hoo! Did you hear that, spatula?

You, me and 10,000 Krabby Patties.

And the best part?

No breaks.

Wow!

Day 15!

Give it up for day 15!

♪ K-R-A-B-B-Y P-A-T-T-Y...

One thousand, three hundred, twenty...

Day 23!

Give it up for day 23!

6,654...

Day 30!

7,121...

8,659...

Wait, what's going on?

Whoa! Whoa!

Day...

Anyone know how many days it's been?

I lost track.

Forty-three.

What the flimflam?!

What are you doing in here, boy?

You're wasting all me food.

Boy?

Oh, hey, Mr. Krabs.

When did you get in here?

Boy, I'm worried that...

Got it?

I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs.

Uh, could you run that by me again?

Sure, I said, I'm worried that...

That's what I thought you said.

Now, let me offer this as a rebuttal.

Stay back! I'm warning you!

All right, now you're just acting silly.

I want you to...

No! Don't eat me!

I'm too chewy!

Holy shrimp! They're everywhere!

What?

I told you that shirt was hideous.

No, no! I want to live!

I want to live!

Mr. Krabs... what's going on?

Everywhere I look, I see killer Krabby Patties.

There, there.

I'm sure it's nothing that getting back

to work won't solve.

Here's your spatular.

Spatular.

And here's the grill.

Grill.

And here are some fresh Krabby...

Hmm, there may be a problem after all.

What does this mean?

It means there's something wrong with your head.

Look, I think maybe you should see a professional.

Wrestler?No! A psychiatrist.

Oh, but where am I going to find a psychiatrist...

Hey, look at this.

Gosh, I don't know about this, Mr. Krabs.

Wouldn't I have to miss work if I went to see...

Well, this looks like the place.

Uh, hello? Doctor?

Come in, Mr. SquarePants.

Please, have a seat on the couch.

Now...

let's unload all that harmful information

in your little yellow head.

You're a bit smaller than I imagined, Doctor.

But I guess that's why they call you a shrink.

Do you think there's hope for me, Doctor?

Hope? Hope!? When I get my hands on that formula,

there won't be any hope for any of you.

Yeah, I mean...

you'll be cured in no time.

Oh, good.

Let's start with a simple exercise.

Jumping jacks?

I want you to close your eyes.

Tighter.

Tighter.

Too tight!

Now, tell me what you see.

I see giant Krabby Patties.

Good! And what are they made of?

Hatred!

No, I mean ingredients.

What are the stinking ingredients?!

They're coming for me.

No! No! No!

Stay back!

Wait, where'd you get that piano?

We're trying something else.

I'm going to say a word, and I want you to say

the first word that pops into your head.

Ready?

I'm ready!

Work.Work.

Spatula.

Spatula.

Bun. Bun.

See, the key is to say something

different than what I say.

Oh,okay, I got it.

Potato.Po-tah-to.

Tomato.To-mah-to.

I've laid out some words on cards here.

These words are common kitchen ingredients.

I want you to arrange them in any order you choose.

It could be a poem or a secret formula,

I don't know-- oh, yes!

A secret formula, good.

Let's do that.

Um, you're making me nervous.

Oh, okay.

I'll be over here, then.

I'm finished!

I arranged them into a piano.

Since your mind has been resistant

to every mental technique so far,

I'm forced to resort

to my most powerful method of curing you.

Fiber?

No. Hypnosis.

Hypnosis?!

Now, keep your eyes on this watch.

When I count to three, you will fall into a deep sleep.

One...

uh, two...

uh, three.

I can't believe it worked.

Now, when I snap my fingers,

you will awake and tell me the formula.

Hey... wake up!

Hmm, what else is loud and obnoxious?

Why won't you wake up?!

♪ La, la, la, la, la

Where am I?

Hey, SpongeBob, I heard your brain was sick

so I brought you this cookie pizza.

Gee, thanks.

And here's some chocolate milk.

The king of flavored dairy drinks!

Oh, Krabby Patty,

I'm so glad we're friends again.

Just remember, SpongeBob, I'll always be with you,

Actually, in your arteries.

Now, do me a favor and wake up.

Wake up.

Wake up...!

It worked! I'm cured!

But what about the formula?

Oh, you're right!

I better get back to work!

Thanks for everything, Doc!

No! It's a lie!

Therapy doesn't really work!

You're still sick!

Very, very sick!

Good to see your brain's all fixed, boy.

Yeah, I just needed some sleep is all.

Well, I can safely say, no more 24-hour shifts...

'cause 23 hours'll be plenty.

Aw, Mr. Krab...

No, seriously. Get back to work!

Easy...

Perfection.

Is number five's order ready yet, SpongeBob?

Just a second, Squidward.

Well, Krabby Patty,

it's time for you to go now.

You grew up so fast. I...

I promised myself I wouldn't do this.

Just take it, Squidward.

Take it away.

Oh, brother.

Number five. Number five.

That's me.

Mmm. My compliments to the chef.

Hello?

What's this?

Come out here, boy!

Mr. Krabs?

Whoa!

Hush, boy. Or you'll give away your location of me hidey hole.

What's a hidey hole?

It's where I hide me treasure.

Whoa!

Catch!

Let's get that chest to me office, boy, pronto!

What's in this thing? Treasure?

A treasure trove of sorts.

It's me memory chest, from my years in the navy.

Why'd you dig up your navy chest, sir?

Well, me navy buddies and I are having a reunion.

I wanted to wear me old uniform.

Wow, look at all your cool navy stuff.

What's that? Arrgh!

It's me first tattoo.

Neat.

And this is me manly toughness trophy.

How'd you win that?

By being the toughest of the tough.

Wow! Ooh, ooh, who are those guys?

Me shipmates.

The toughest bunch to ever sail the briny deep.

There's old Iron Eye

and Mutton Chop, me,

Torpedo Belly

and Lockjaw Jones.

Did you have a cool nickname, Mr. Krabs?

Of course!

I was old Armor Abs Krabs.

You were?What do you mean?

Well, I guess you were thinner back then.

Oh, really?

This is me navy cadet uniform.

Prepare to eat your words,

'cause I haven't put on more...

than a... couple of... pounds.

Okay, maybe I'm a bit bigger,

but I'm still the toughest of the tough.

Go ahead, lad, give 'em a punch.

You want me to punch you in the stomach?

Not in the stomach, lad, in me armor abs.

Wow.

My entire arm disintegrated!

I still got it.

Be a good lad, go get your station in shipshape,

and leave an old sea dog to revel in his memories.

Aye, aye, sir.

All right!

Let's get this place shipshape!

You men, stop playing around!

To battle stations!

All hands on deck!

That calls for full flavor!

Ketchup and mustard off the port bow!

One Krabby Patty ready to set sail!

No!

Oh, Mr. Krabs.

Huh, Mr. Krabs?

Hello?

Mr. Krabs?

You all right?

Are you sleepy?

Mr. Krabs!

I don't smell his pulse.

What's that?

Is somebody there?

Don't look at me.

Mr. Krabs.

Leave me be.

You're alive!

And... naked.

It's true.

I've molted.

What's "molted"?

It's when a crab gets too fat--

uh, well-- outgrows his shell.

It falls off.

Wow!

Armor Abs Krabs can't show up

at the reunion like this.

All pink and soft and unmanly.

I'm all flab and no ab!

Barnacles!

SpongeBob!

Sorry about the foul language, Mr. Krabs,

but you're acting like there never was a man in that shell.

The Krabs of his navy days was fearless.

He wouldn't let something as insignificant

as a missing shell slow him down.

Yeah.

Who cares how silly, pink and fleshy you look?

How non-threatening, limp, and soggy you are...

How... Oops.

I can't go anywhere ever again.

Stupid, no good...

Wow, it sure is dark in here.

Look, Mr. Krabs-- I'm you.

SpongeBob, you're a genius.

Well, I'm glad you got my point.

It's not about what's on the outside.

It's what's on the inside.

No, you barnacle brain.

Not your silly metaphor; you, in me shell.

It gives me an idea.

You can go to the reunion and pretend to be me.

I get to be a navy buddy?

Of course you'll need some time

to approximate me personality.

Oh, that'll be a snap.

Squidward and I have been doing it

behind your back for years.

All right, show me what you got.

Look at me. I'm Mr. Krabs.

I love money.

Say, that ain't half bad.

I once won a marathon

because someone dropped a penny at the finish line.

That's me.

Every night, I tuck me wallet in and tell it a bedtime story.

Good night, wallety.

Yeah, okay, I get the point.

Oh, what's that you say?

Me daughter Pearl needs an operation?

I'll do it meself and save a nickel.

That'll do, SpongeBob.

Well, here goes...

Wow.

I've never seen so many manly naval men.

So tough, so brave,

so... clever.

And I'm one of them.

No, you're not.

Don't blow this for me, SpongeBob.

I won't let you down, sir.

Armor Abs Krabs,

come join your old naval buddies in a toast.

Coming!

Oh, what have I done?

Okay, boys, let the S.S. Party drop anchor right here.

I've created a monster.

Here's some grog.

You still like pineapple, right?

Like pineapple?

I live in one.

That old Krabs

is as manly as ever.

I don't believe it. SpongeBob is pulling it off.

Hey, Armor Abs, old Iron Eye here

has been itching to punch your legendary gut.

Well, if you think you're man enough...

Uh-oh, this could be bad.

Fire the torpedo.

What do you say, Krabs?

Just like old times.

A tooth?

Teeth.

Now, that's manly.

He did it.

All right, me swabbies,

it's time to award the trophy of manly toughness

to a man whose toughness has stood the test of time.

That man is Eugene Armor Abs Krabs!

Hey, come up here, Krabs.

This is the best night of me life.

Me naval buddies still think I'm manly.

Armor Abs!

And I didn't have to shame myself.

Thanks for the trophy, everybody.

Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech!

I... I...

Say something.

Let me spin you a manly yarn.

Attaboy.

So there I was, in Jellyfish Fields...

I'm doomed.

Me supply of bubble soap was dangerously low.

And as I blew my last bubble...

Did he say Jellyfish Fields?

Blowing bubbles?

Uh, what were you doing in Jellyfish Fields?

Why, jellyfishing, of course.

Uh... uh, phone call for Mr. Krabs!

Get off the stage.

Oh, uh, well, I gotta go. Thanks.

Where do you think you're going?

Everybody knows there's two things

old Armor Abs Krabs would never do.

Oh, no.

Number one is spend a penny.

And the other one is leave

without giving old Torpedo Belly

one of your world-famous steely belly butts.

Oh, I thought you'd seen through my ruse.

I mean, arrgh!

You didn't think I was just gonna collect

this here trophy of manly toughness

without reminding yous lily-livers

why you give it to me in the first place?

Let's have at it.

No holding back.

Give it your all.

I can't watch.

Armor Abs?

Well, uh, I-I-I-I-I-I...

I guess I'll just take my manly toughness trophy

and head home now.

Uh... see you around Manville, boys... men.

No!

He's not Eugene Krabs.

I am.

All right, lads.

Take a good look.

This is who I am.

I've molted me shell and I'm... vulnerable.

But I'm certainly no bubble-blowing jellyfisher.

No offense, SpongeBob.

None taken, Mr. Krabs.

Come on, lad. Let's go home.

Wait a minute.

You've forgotten something.

I don't understand.

Admitting you lost your shell

was the toughest thing I've ever seen.

And, uh, I have a confession.

These are fake!

What?!Wha...?!

Over here.

You too, Torpedo Belly?

Actually, I had my torpedo removed long ago.

And these aren't the same choppers that I had in the navy.

My iron eye is actually made of Formica.

Look at that, Mr. Krabs.

Your navy buddies all had something to hide.

Yeah, poor suckers.

At least my shell will grow back.