SpongeBob SquarePants (1999–…): Season 2, Episode 4 - Mermaidman and Barnacleboy III/Squirrel Jokes - full transcript
Mermaidman and Barnacleboy III: When Mermaidman and Barnacleboy go away for the weekend, they ask SpongeBob and Patrick to house sit for them. Inside the house, SpongeBob and Patrick discover the evil super villain, Man-Ray frozen in a tank. SpongeBob can't help but unfreeze him and he cons them into setting him free by convincing them they have rehabilitated him. Once SpongeBob and Patrick set him free, they find out that Man-Ray was only pretending and they take on the roles of Mermaidman and Barnacleboy themselves in order to re-capture the villain and save Bikini Bottom.. In an idiotic show down, we learn that Man-Ray only thinks he hasn't turned good, but actually SpongeBob and Patrick did change him and he gives up his evil ways. Squirrel Jokes: When SpongeBob starts telling derogatory jokes about squirrels, SpongeBob becomes an overnight stand up comedy sensation. At first, Sandy is a good sport about it, but soon people start treating her as if she really was stupid and smelly. Her feelings get hurt and she asks SpongeBob if he could tell some other kinds of jokes. SpongeBob agrees but when he tries to, he flops on his face so he quickly resorts to his standard squirrel jokes. Sandy invites SpongeBob to the Treedome for a celebration dinner. When he arrives, Sandy acts as stupid as SpongeBob has been claiming squirrels are, and he gets what's coming to him.
There it is... Grandma's house.
What wonders await me today?
Fresh-baked cookies?
Story time?
A sweater with love
in every stitch?
Aw, what am I waiting for?
Grandma, Grandma, Grandma!
SpongeBob!
Hi, Grandma!
Come in and sit for a while.
Have a cookie, SpongeBob.
Grandma, you make
the best cookies
in the deep blue sea.
Oh, yeah...
( munches )
( gulps )
Grandma's cookies...
Now, who wants to
lick the spoon?
Oh! Me, me, me!
...And then we drove
all the way home
with all the windows down
in the freezing cold.
Tell me another story
about when I was a baby.
( cuckoo clock chimes
three times )
( gasps ) 3:00?!
I'm going to be late
for work!
Hop in my car.
I'll drop you off.
Thanks, Grandma!
SpongeBob...
you forgot your kissy-kissy!
I sure did.
( kisses )
Bye, Grandma!
Thanks for the ride!
Thank you, Squidward.
( SpongeBob whistling,
others snickering )
Oh, brother...
( whistling casually )
Isn't this great?
Everybody's
in a good mood today.
I love bursting
your bubble, SpongeBob.
They're laughing at you,
not with you.
Did I do
something funny?
Your forehead.
My forehead is funny?
Hey, grandma's boy!
Kissy-kissy-kissy!
( all laughing )
No! You're wrong!
There...
there's nothing wrong
with getting kisses
from your grandma!
No... especially if you're
a big baby who wears diapers!
( all laugh )
And, and sucks his thumb
and plays with dolls
and, um, wears pajamas
with feet in them
and carries his, um, uh,
blanky around, and, uh...
OTHERS:
All right already!
Cheer up, SpongeBob.
I know someone
who still likes you.
Really?
You do, Squidward?
Yeah... your grandma!
( all laughing )
( laughter continues )
( all laughing )
( grunting )
( all laughing )
Stop it...!
I have been publicly humiliated
for the last time!
( crying )
PATRICK:
I'm sorry that happened
to you, SpongeBob.
Me, too.
You're the most adult person
l know.
Thanks, Patrick.
You know how grandmas are.
They love babies.
You just can't act
like a baby around her.
You're right, Patrick.
Have I ever not been right?
( sizzling )
( honking )
( wolf-whistle )
You're a man now, SpongeBob
and it's time you
started acting like one.
Yeah!
Oh... but I'm not sure
l know how.
Allow me to demonstrate.
First, puff out your chest.
Now say "tax exemption."
Tax exemption!
Now you must acquire
a taste for free-form jazz.
( trumpet plays fast jazz riff )
Okay, SpongeBob, you're ready!
This is it.
What are you going
to tell Grandma?
I'm a grownup.
No ifs, ands or buts about it.
A man's got to do
what a man's got to do.
And then you get behind her
and I'll push.
Patrick, we didn't say that.
Oh, yeah, right.
All we need now
is the icing
on the maturity cake.
l've been growing
these babies for years.
BOTH:
Sideburns...
Oh, hello, SpongeBob.
What a nice surprise.
Come here, give your granny
her kissy-kissy.
Mmm...
( kisses )
Sorry, Grandmother,
but the kissing has to stop.
Tell her like it is, SpongeBob.
No more baby stuff.
He is right, Grandmother.
Kisses are for babies,
which I am no longer.
I have grown up.
It is nature's way.
Oh... you are absolutely right.
I am?
I mean, of course I am.
You will definitely
not be treated like a baby
around here ever again.
I am glad you see it
my way, Grandmother.
GRANDMA:
Well, I'm glad
that's settled.
But what am I going to do
with all these
fresh-baked cookies?
( chuckles )
Sorry, Grandmother.
We adults don't partake
in the consumption of sweets.
Right, Pat...
rick?
Keep 'em coming, Granny!
( slurping )
So much for no more baby stuff.
And don't forget the
cookie-eating hat!
( laughs )
( both laughing )
Hey!
That's my cookie-eating hat!
Uh... I mean, it was
when I was a baby!
Grr...
Well, look who's here.
It's my big old adult grandson.
Grandmother, I need to have
a mature conversation
with Mr. Patrick.
Patrick!
What are you doing?!
Cookies! Warm milk!
A bib!
Is that a kissy mark
on your forehead?
We are supposed to be adults!
Uh-uh-uh.
No roughhousing
with a full tummy.
( laughing )
Who's the baby?
I'm the baby, I'm the baby,
I'm the baby!
( clears throat )
Being grownup is boring!
I love being a baby.
Besides, I don't get jazz.
Oh, poor Patrick.
I almost feel sorry for you.
Trapped in the awkward phase
of diaper days.
Never to know
the rich rewards
of being a grownup.
Here's a fresh batch of cookies.
All right!
( munching )
Rewards, huh?
Well, yeah, there's...
( munching )
Let's see, we, uh...
we went over the jazz.
( munching )
Oh, Grandma, I'm full.
More cookies.
( vacuum cleaner running )
( whistling )
It appears to be my lunch hour.
Grownups have to eat, too.
I guess this will have to do.
GRANDMA:
Oh, you don't want
this baby food.
How about a big piece
of steamed coral?
Oh, yeah, uh... great.
( crunching )
Nutritious!
GRANDMA:
Story time!
Oh, boy! Story time,
story time, story time!
Story time?
You'll enjoy this, Patrick.
It's a wonderful story
about a magical sea leprechaun.
Oh, SpongeBob, you wouldn't be
interested in this baby book.
Here's the technical manual
on Routine Active Maintenance.
Oh, uh, great.
Yeah... fascinating.
No pictures, just the way
l like it.
( munching )
( crunch )
Ohh! My wittle finger!
Hold still, hold still.
( kisses )
All better?
PATRICK:
Sorta...
This finger hurts
a little bit, too.
( Grandma kisses )
How about I give you a present?
Oh, boy, I hope it's cookies!
All right!
Another hat!
No, Patrick, it's a sweater.
Huh?
With love in every stitch.
No...
Don't I get a present, Grandma?
Oh, I almost forgot.
Here's some office supplies.
I didn't wrap them.
I knew you wouldn't mind.
( clock chimes three times )
Uh-oh, 3:00.
Time for adults to go to work.
Bye-bye, SpongeBob.
I'll bet you would fancy
a nap, huh, Patrick?
( Patrick yawns )
GRANDMA:
You're still here,
SpongeBob?
Uh... I don't have to leave yet.
I... can be late for work.
No, no, no. That wouldn't
be the adult thing to do.
All right, uh,
I guess I'll be going.
I've, uh, got a lot
of adult-type business
to take care of, so, uh...
I'll see you later.
Okay. Thanks for
stopping by, SpongeBob.
Yup, that is it.
Here I go.
Come again if you
get the chance.
Out into the cold,
grownup world...
alone... without a sweater.
Toodle-oo.
I don't know when I'll be back.
I know how busy you are.
So, uh... that's it.
Shh... he's asleep.
So... long...
I don't want to grow up!
I want cookies!
And milky!
l want a sweater
with love in the stitches!
I want to wear didies!
I want to ride in my wagon!
I want to cuddle-wuddle
with Mr. Stuffykins!
I want to rocky-rock
on my seahorsey!
And I want kissy-kissy
on my boo-boo!
( crying )
( crying )
( continues )
( wailing )
( continues )
( ratcheting
like lawn sprinkler )
Take it easy, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob...
SpongeBob!
( crying and panting )
You don't have to be a baby
to get Old Grandma's love.
( sniffles )
I don't?
Of course not.
No matter how grown up you get
you will always be
my Little Baby Boo.
( kisses )
And remember, you can
kiss your Grandma
and still be an adult.
Here you go.
Thanks, Grandma.
( munching and sighing )
Uh, Grandma,
could you not mention this
to the guys
down at The Krusty Krab?
No problem.
( squeak )
( Squidward snickers )
( all laughing )
What wonders await me today?
Fresh-baked cookies?
Story time?
A sweater with love
in every stitch?
Aw, what am I waiting for?
Grandma, Grandma, Grandma!
SpongeBob!
Hi, Grandma!
Come in and sit for a while.
Have a cookie, SpongeBob.
Grandma, you make
the best cookies
in the deep blue sea.
Oh, yeah...
( munches )
( gulps )
Grandma's cookies...
Now, who wants to
lick the spoon?
Oh! Me, me, me!
...And then we drove
all the way home
with all the windows down
in the freezing cold.
Tell me another story
about when I was a baby.
( cuckoo clock chimes
three times )
( gasps ) 3:00?!
I'm going to be late
for work!
Hop in my car.
I'll drop you off.
Thanks, Grandma!
SpongeBob...
you forgot your kissy-kissy!
I sure did.
( kisses )
Bye, Grandma!
Thanks for the ride!
Thank you, Squidward.
( SpongeBob whistling,
others snickering )
Oh, brother...
( whistling casually )
Isn't this great?
Everybody's
in a good mood today.
I love bursting
your bubble, SpongeBob.
They're laughing at you,
not with you.
Did I do
something funny?
Your forehead.
My forehead is funny?
Hey, grandma's boy!
Kissy-kissy-kissy!
( all laughing )
No! You're wrong!
There...
there's nothing wrong
with getting kisses
from your grandma!
No... especially if you're
a big baby who wears diapers!
( all laugh )
And, and sucks his thumb
and plays with dolls
and, um, wears pajamas
with feet in them
and carries his, um, uh,
blanky around, and, uh...
OTHERS:
All right already!
Cheer up, SpongeBob.
I know someone
who still likes you.
Really?
You do, Squidward?
Yeah... your grandma!
( all laughing )
( laughter continues )
( all laughing )
( grunting )
( all laughing )
Stop it...!
I have been publicly humiliated
for the last time!
( crying )
PATRICK:
I'm sorry that happened
to you, SpongeBob.
Me, too.
You're the most adult person
l know.
Thanks, Patrick.
You know how grandmas are.
They love babies.
You just can't act
like a baby around her.
You're right, Patrick.
Have I ever not been right?
( sizzling )
( honking )
( wolf-whistle )
You're a man now, SpongeBob
and it's time you
started acting like one.
Yeah!
Oh... but I'm not sure
l know how.
Allow me to demonstrate.
First, puff out your chest.
Now say "tax exemption."
Tax exemption!
Now you must acquire
a taste for free-form jazz.
( trumpet plays fast jazz riff )
Okay, SpongeBob, you're ready!
This is it.
What are you going
to tell Grandma?
I'm a grownup.
No ifs, ands or buts about it.
A man's got to do
what a man's got to do.
And then you get behind her
and I'll push.
Patrick, we didn't say that.
Oh, yeah, right.
All we need now
is the icing
on the maturity cake.
l've been growing
these babies for years.
BOTH:
Sideburns...
Oh, hello, SpongeBob.
What a nice surprise.
Come here, give your granny
her kissy-kissy.
Mmm...
( kisses )
Sorry, Grandmother,
but the kissing has to stop.
Tell her like it is, SpongeBob.
No more baby stuff.
He is right, Grandmother.
Kisses are for babies,
which I am no longer.
I have grown up.
It is nature's way.
Oh... you are absolutely right.
I am?
I mean, of course I am.
You will definitely
not be treated like a baby
around here ever again.
I am glad you see it
my way, Grandmother.
GRANDMA:
Well, I'm glad
that's settled.
But what am I going to do
with all these
fresh-baked cookies?
( chuckles )
Sorry, Grandmother.
We adults don't partake
in the consumption of sweets.
Right, Pat...
rick?
Keep 'em coming, Granny!
( slurping )
So much for no more baby stuff.
And don't forget the
cookie-eating hat!
( laughs )
( both laughing )
Hey!
That's my cookie-eating hat!
Uh... I mean, it was
when I was a baby!
Grr...
Well, look who's here.
It's my big old adult grandson.
Grandmother, I need to have
a mature conversation
with Mr. Patrick.
Patrick!
What are you doing?!
Cookies! Warm milk!
A bib!
Is that a kissy mark
on your forehead?
We are supposed to be adults!
Uh-uh-uh.
No roughhousing
with a full tummy.
( laughing )
Who's the baby?
I'm the baby, I'm the baby,
I'm the baby!
( clears throat )
Being grownup is boring!
I love being a baby.
Besides, I don't get jazz.
Oh, poor Patrick.
I almost feel sorry for you.
Trapped in the awkward phase
of diaper days.
Never to know
the rich rewards
of being a grownup.
Here's a fresh batch of cookies.
All right!
( munching )
Rewards, huh?
Well, yeah, there's...
( munching )
Let's see, we, uh...
we went over the jazz.
( munching )
Oh, Grandma, I'm full.
More cookies.
( vacuum cleaner running )
( whistling )
It appears to be my lunch hour.
Grownups have to eat, too.
I guess this will have to do.
GRANDMA:
Oh, you don't want
this baby food.
How about a big piece
of steamed coral?
Oh, yeah, uh... great.
( crunching )
Nutritious!
GRANDMA:
Story time!
Oh, boy! Story time,
story time, story time!
Story time?
You'll enjoy this, Patrick.
It's a wonderful story
about a magical sea leprechaun.
Oh, SpongeBob, you wouldn't be
interested in this baby book.
Here's the technical manual
on Routine Active Maintenance.
Oh, uh, great.
Yeah... fascinating.
No pictures, just the way
l like it.
( munching )
( crunch )
Ohh! My wittle finger!
Hold still, hold still.
( kisses )
All better?
PATRICK:
Sorta...
This finger hurts
a little bit, too.
( Grandma kisses )
How about I give you a present?
Oh, boy, I hope it's cookies!
All right!
Another hat!
No, Patrick, it's a sweater.
Huh?
With love in every stitch.
No...
Don't I get a present, Grandma?
Oh, I almost forgot.
Here's some office supplies.
I didn't wrap them.
I knew you wouldn't mind.
( clock chimes three times )
Uh-oh, 3:00.
Time for adults to go to work.
Bye-bye, SpongeBob.
I'll bet you would fancy
a nap, huh, Patrick?
( Patrick yawns )
GRANDMA:
You're still here,
SpongeBob?
Uh... I don't have to leave yet.
I... can be late for work.
No, no, no. That wouldn't
be the adult thing to do.
All right, uh,
I guess I'll be going.
I've, uh, got a lot
of adult-type business
to take care of, so, uh...
I'll see you later.
Okay. Thanks for
stopping by, SpongeBob.
Yup, that is it.
Here I go.
Come again if you
get the chance.
Out into the cold,
grownup world...
alone... without a sweater.
Toodle-oo.
I don't know when I'll be back.
I know how busy you are.
So, uh... that's it.
Shh... he's asleep.
So... long...
I don't want to grow up!
I want cookies!
And milky!
l want a sweater
with love in the stitches!
I want to wear didies!
I want to ride in my wagon!
I want to cuddle-wuddle
with Mr. Stuffykins!
I want to rocky-rock
on my seahorsey!
And I want kissy-kissy
on my boo-boo!
( crying )
( crying )
( continues )
( wailing )
( continues )
( ratcheting
like lawn sprinkler )
Take it easy, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob...
SpongeBob!
( crying and panting )
You don't have to be a baby
to get Old Grandma's love.
( sniffles )
I don't?
Of course not.
No matter how grown up you get
you will always be
my Little Baby Boo.
( kisses )
And remember, you can
kiss your Grandma
and still be an adult.
Here you go.
Thanks, Grandma.
( munching and sighing )
Uh, Grandma,
could you not mention this
to the guys
down at The Krusty Krab?
No problem.
( squeak )
( Squidward snickers )
( all laughing )