SpongeBob SquarePants (1999–…): Season 12, Episode 15 - The Main Drain/Trenchbillies - full transcript

- Are you ready, kids?

all:
Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

all:
Aye, aye, Captain!

- ♪ Ohh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪

all:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he ♪

all:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ If nautical nonsense
be something you wish ♪

all:
SpongeBob SquarePants!



- ♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish ♪

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- Ready?

all:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- SpongeBob

SquarePants!

[laughing]

♪ ♪

[waves crashing]

[wacky upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- [gulping nosily]

- [groaning]



- [slurping and popping]

- [grunting]

[plate squeaking]
- [moaning]

- [groaning]

- [belching]

- [growling fiercely]

[steam whistle blows]

[screams]

Another rotten day
at the Krusty Krab!

[silence]

[all chomping nosily]

Not that anyone's listening.

Huh?

- I'm listening, Squidward.
Tell SpongeBob your troubles.

[giggles]

[microphone squeals]

- [sighs]
If you must know,

I'm stuck in a dead-end job
working at this grease trap.

- [slurping]

- My tentacles hurt.

And I live next door
to the number one

most annoying neighbor
in Bikini Bottom.

[grumbles]

- Whoo!
Number one!

- One more annoying thing,
and I'm gonna lose it.

- [whimpers]

[grumbling]

- [sighs]
And there it is.

- Your Krabby Patty meal, sir.

- Huh?

Ew!

Fingernails.

[overlapping chatter]

- That's worse than a hair!

- [gulping]

- [screams]

- Ew.

- SpongeBob, would you
stop biting your nails?

- Oh, Squidward,
I never bite my nails.

- What do you call that?

- [yelps]
Oh.

- Ugh, nail-biting
is a disgusting bad habit,

so quit it!

- I promise not to bite
my nails ever again.

- Ahem!

- [laughs]
Oops.

I guess biting my
nails has become a bad habit.

Oh, breaking this
nail-biting habit'll be a snap.

[chewing nosily]

Just have to keep
my nails away...

From my mouth.

Simple.

Huh? Ugh...

[chewing nosily]

I need a plan B.

[light whimsical music]

♪ ♪

There, now my nails
are too pretty to bite.

Huh?

[chomping]

- [meows]

- [groans]

Oh.

- [meows]
- What's that?

Oh, what
a great idea, Gary.

A walk would
really clear my head.

[light playful music]

[humming]

- [meows]

- [sniffs]

Ah, I just needed
a breath of fresh water.

[sniffs]
Ah.

[chomping]

[yelps]

That'll take care of it.

[groans]

Oh, don't do it.

Don't do it.
Don't do it.

Well...I do'd it.

[giggles]

Time for stronger measures.

All right, self, let's see
ya get out of that one.

[grunting]

- Whoa, SpongeBob,
are you okay?

- [gasp]
Fred, your nails.

They're so...beautiful.

- Aw, thanks.
I really pride myself on--

- [chomping]

- My nails!

- [laughing]
Must bite nails.

[laughs menacingly]

- [humming]
Give me the works, Ethel.

Ugh, my nails
are in terrible shape.

[moans]

Ooh, that feels good.

- [chomping]
- [stammering] Ethel,

you know I like to keep
my nails long--

[shouting]

SpongeBob!

- So when should we schedule
your next appointment?

- [growls]

- Whoa!

- [slurping]

- [groans]
- SpongeBob!

Trying out a new
look with your face?

- [chomping]
- I like it!

- Oh, Patrick, I can't stop...

biting my fingernails.

- Hmm.
Mm-hmm.

Ha! I know just what you need!

[laughs]

[humming]

[people screaming]

Glove World makes me
forget all my troubles...

and my name.

- You're right.

I've forgotten all
about biting my...

nails!

[howling]

[shouts]

- Huh.

- Hey you, gimme that.

Knuckle 22 to base.

We've got a nail-biter
in Pinky Land.

[both shouting]

- [chomping]
I think--I think...

I need help.
[chomping]

- [line trills]
Cheeks residence.

- Sandy!

[chomping]
[bell dings]

- Hmm.

- [chomping]
[bell dings]

- Aww.

- [chomping]
[bell dings]

- Don't worry, SpongeBob.

We'll stop your nail-biting
habit quicker than

a jet-powered jackrabbit!

This'll keep your fingers
out of your kisser.

- I sure hope so.

- Ah.
- Mmm.

- [groaning]

- Oh...uh-uh.

Tell me he ain't doing
what I think he's doing.

- Oh, he's good.

- [chomping]

- SpongeBob,
that's just plain wrong.

I guess we're gonna
have to watch you

like Mr. Krabs
watches his bank account!

- [giggles]

- Huh?

- [grumbles]

Oh!

[both snoring]

What, what?
Where'd he go?

[unintelligible shouting]

- [chomping]
Hi, Sandy.

- It's high time we got
you some professional help.

This doctor's
the best hypnotherapist

in Bikini Bottom.

He'll sort out
your bad habit.

- The doctor will see you now,
Mr. SquarePants.

- Oh, please relax,
Mr. SquarePants.

Now, what seems
to be the trouble?

- Doctor, I can't stop...

I can't stop...

I can't stop biting my nails!

I don't know what to do.

[chomping]

- Well, let us take a peek
into your subconscious

and see what
is causing your problem.

Keep your eyes on the watch,
Mr. SquarePants.

Watch the watch,
Mr. SquarePants.

- Watch the watch...
Watch the watch...

[woozily]
Watch the watch.

- What seems to be troubling
you, Mr. SquarePants?

- I can't stop...
biting my...

nails.

- Why do you want
to bite your nails?

- Stuck in dead-end job.

Work in a grease trap.

- Go on.

- Tentacles hurt.

- Tentacles?
Hmm, interesting.

- Neighbor...SpongeBob...

annoying.

- But aren't you SpongeBob,
Mr. SquarePants?

- No...I am Squidward.

- [gasp]
Mr. SquarePants!

Obviously,
you have subconsciously

internalized Mr. Squidward's
problems as your own.

When I snap my fingers,
you'll realize

you are not Squidward.
You are SpongeBob,

and your desire to bite
your nails will--

Poof!
Disappear.

[snaps fingers]
- [gasps]

Am I cured?

- Yeah, you are cured.

- Whoopee!
Thanks, Doctor...

Doctor...

Hans!

[gasps]

Giant, delicious
fingernails!

- [shouts]
Mr. SquarePants, please!

- Doctor Hans,
I'm here for my weekly

appointment--

- [chomping]

- I'm going to need
therapy for my therapy...

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