SpongeBob SquarePants (1999–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Mermaidman and Barnacleboy/Pickles - full transcript
Mermaidman and Barnacleboy: Watching their favorite show, reruns of the TV duo superhero show Mermaidman and Barnacleboy, SpongeBob and Patrick hear that their beloved heroes are living in a nearby retirement home. The aging superheroes discover their toughest challenge yet will be SpongeBob and Patrick, who have decided the duo must come out of retirement. Pickles: SpongeBob loses his self-confidence when an arrogant customer wrongfully claims SpongeBob forgot to put pickles on his Krabby Patty. With his perfect record now ruined, SpongeBob quits his job as he begins doubting his ability to do even the simplest task. Without SpongeBob, the restaurant fails to attract customers. When SpongeBob learns the Krusty Krab is in dire straits, he returns from the skids to save the Krusty Krab in an ultimate show down with the arrogant customer.
ARE YOU READY, KIDS?
Kids:
AYE AYE, CAPTAIN!
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
AYE AYE, CAPTAIN!
♪ OH... ♪
♪ WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE
UNDER THE SEA? ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ ABSORBENT AND YELLOW
AND POROUS IS HE ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE
BE SOMETHING YOU WISH ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ THEN DROP ON THE DECK
AND FLOP LIKE A FISH ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ READY?
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB
SQUAREPANTS ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB... SQUAREPANTS! ♪
( Captain laughs )
( plays flute tune )
[Captioning sponsored by THE
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
and NICKELODEON]
MERMAIDMAN.
FLEET AND FORCEFUL.
WITH ABILITY TO
ASSEMBLE AND CHARGE
THE CREATURES OF THE DEEP.
BY THE POWER OF NEPTUNE.
MERMAIDMAN, WITH HIS
YOUNG ASSOCIATE BARNACLEBOY
FIGHTS FOR ALL CREATURES
THAT LIVE IN THE SEA.
AGAINST THE FORCES OF EVIL.
OH, NO!
THE RAGING WHIRLPOOL.
MERMAIDMAN--
CHAMPION OF THE DEEP.
Together:
YEAH!
Spongebob:
CHAMPION OF THE DEEP.
Together:
YIPPEE!
COME ON, BARNACLEBOY,
THERE'S EVIL AFOOT.
LEEPIN' LAMPREYS,
MERMAIDMAN.
I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
Spongebob:
MERMAIDMAN AND BARNACLEBOY
SPOT THEIR ARCH ENEMY--
REFLECTO, UP TO NO GOOD.
SPONGEBOB.
YOU KNOW
WHAT THIS MEANS.
DOUGHNUTS.
OOH.
BY THE POWER OF NEPTUNE.
Together:
MERMAIDMAN AND BARNACLEBOY,
UNITE!
CREATURES OF THE DEEP
ASSEMBLE.
( both grunting )
HARDER, BARNACLEBOY.
HERE THEY COME.
( buzzing )
BLAST!
REFLECTO HAS BECOME
TOO POWERFUL.
WHAT THE...
OH!
IF REFLECTO
IS CUT OFF FROM SUNLIGHT,
HE BECOMES WEAK.
JUMPIN' JELLYFISH, MERMAIDMAN.
HE'S DESTROYING THE SHIELD!
( muttering )
OH!
QUICK, BARNACLEBOY.
BACK TO THE SEACAVE.
RIGHT, MERMAIDMAN.
SPONGEBOB!
SPONGEBOB, OPEN IT UP.
REFLECTO HAS FOUND
OUR SECRET LAB.
WHAT WOULD
THE REAL MERMAIDMAN DO?
WHY DON'T YOU ASK HIM YOURSELF.
ELABORATE, YOU VILE FIEND.
HE AND BARNACLEBOY LIVE
IN THE RETIREMENT HOME
ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN.
HMM.
THEY MUST BE WORKING UNDERCOVER.
YEAH, NOW PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE.
Together:
MERMAIDMAN AND BARNACLEBOY,
REUNITE!
EXCUSE ME.
I KNOW MERMAIDMAN
IS WORKING UNDERCOVER
ON AN IMPORTANT CASE
BUT DO YOU THINK
WE COULD SEE HIM?
UNDERCOVER?
YEAH, WELL I'LL SEE
IF THEY CAN TAKE TIME
FROM THEIR BUSY SCHEDULE
TO SEE YOU.
( laughing excitedly )
HERE THEY ARE.
RIGHT OVER THERE.
( happily gasping )
TRY NOT TO SURPRISE THEM.
PATRICK,
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
MERMAIDMAN
AND BARNACLEBOY
IN THE FLESH.
HEY, WHO ARE THOSE GUYS?
ARE THEY HERE
TO FIX THE T.V.?
( nervous chattering )
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
ARE YOU MERMAIDMAN
AND BARNACLEBOY?
WELL, WE USED TO BE,
BUT NOW WE'RE RETIRED.
( gasping together )
BUT YOU CAN'T RETIRE.
THERE'S EVIL AFOOT.
WHAT EVIL!
EVIL!
OOH!
BARNACLEBOY!
DON'T FORGET THERE'S EVIL.
ALL I SAID IS
THERE'S EVIL AFOOT.
EVIL!
EEE... EEE...
WOULD YOU PLEASE
STOP SAYING THAT.
EVIL.
EVIL, EVIL, EVIL, EVIL.
OH!
DISGRACE!
( door slams shut )
WOW!
MERMAIDMAN AND BARNACLEBOY.
IT'S TOO BAD THEIR OLD.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, PATRICK.
OLD PEOPLE ARE THE GREATEST.
THEY'RE FULL OF WISDOM
AND EXPERIENCE.
( ting )
THE WORLD NEEDS
MERMAIDMAN AND BARNACLEBOY.
SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE
IS IN TROUBLE
AND I WON'T REST
UNTIL MERMAIDMAN AND BARNACLEBOY
ARE OUT OF RETIREMENT.
( fireworks )
OOH, PRETTY LIGHTS.
TO THE MEATLOAF.
TO THE BROCCOLI.
MAKE SURE YOU GIVE EXTRA
BROCCOLI TO MY YOUNG WARD.
THE BOY NEEDS HIS VITAMINS.
HERE YOU GO, SON.
( snickering )
TO THE TABLE-- AWAY!
CAREFUL, DON'T RUN.
HEY, MERMAIDMAN.
HEY, HERE COMES
THE T.V. REPAIRMAN.
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US?
HOLD ON.
JUST LET ME LOOK AT YOU.
STAY ALERT,
BARNACLEBOY.
HE'S, HE'S UP
TO SOMETHING.
WOULD YOU STOP
CALLING ME BOY?
DO YOU REMEMBER THE TIME
THE FOOD SUPPLY IN ATLANTIS
WAS RUNNING LOW?
SO YOU INVENTED A RAY GUN
THAT MADE THINGS
GROW SIX TIMES THEIR SIZE
TO SHOOT AT THE KELP GARDENS.
BUT THEN, THE EVIL MAN RAY
SWOOPS DOWN
AND SWIPES THE GUN AWAY
AND SHOOTS ALL THE ALGAE.
( imitating ray gun )
AND HE GLOMS ONTO
THE UNDERSEA DOME
AND HE STARTS
SUCKING ON THE GLASS.
WHAT'S YOUR POINT, KID?
YOU GUYS ARE THE GREATEST HEROES
OF ALL TIME.
AND I THINK YOU
SHOULD COME OUT OF RETIREMENT.
LISTEN UP.
I WANT
TO EAT MY MEATLOAF.
IF YOU DON'T
GET OUT OF HERE
THEN BY THE POWER
INVESTED IN ME
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU
MAN AND WIFE.
WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?
YOU MAY KISS
THE BRIDE.
( Wedding March playing )
DID YOU REUNITE OUR HEROES?
NO, BUT I'M MARRIED.
UP, UP AND AWAY.
UP, UP AND AWAY.
( Southern accent: )
OH, MY.
THIS PURSE IS
SO BIG AND HEAVY.
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, MA'AM.
I'LL BE TAKING THAT.
OH!
HELP! HELP! HELP!
IT'S WORKING.
WHY ARE YOU HERE
TO RESCUE LITTLE OLD ME?
PIPE DOWN!
YOU'RE GOING
TO WAKE MERMAIDMAN
AND HE'S AWRY
WHEN HIS NAP
S DISTURBED.
EVER ALERT
MERMAIDMAN TRAINED HIMSELF
TO SLEEP WITH HIS EYE OPEN.
GET AWAY FROM HIM.
STOP SHOUTING!
I'M NAPPING.
IT'S NOT ME, YOU OLD COOT.
YES, THAT'S ME.
I'M OVER HERE.
( bickering )
EXCUSE ME.
MERMAIDMAN.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
THIS BETTER BE GOOD.
THIS WILL CHEER YOU UP.
WE'RE ALMOST DONE PAINTING
YOUR INVISIBLE BOAT MOBILE.
IT'S SUPPOSED
TO BE INVISIBLE!
THAT'S IT!
WE GOT TO END
OUR LIFE OF LEISURE.
IT'S TIME TO COME OUT OF
RETIREMENT.
THERE'S EVIL AFOOT!
EVIL!
WHERE IS IT?
THERE IT IS.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEAN?
DOUGHNUTS.
OH, BROTHER.
( music starts and fades out )
( music starts and fades out )
SAY THE OATH.
MERMAIDMAN AND BARNACLEBOY,
UNITE!
( music starts again
and tune finishes )
THROW A WATER BALL AT HIM.
Together:
WATER BALLS! WATER BALLS!
YEAH!
( laughing )
MUMBLING, MORAYS
IT'S NOT WORKING, MERMAIDMAN.
HE'S ABSORBING IT
LIKE SOME KIND OF
EVIL SPONGE.
Together:
DOG PADDLE AWAY!
IT'S THE RAGING WHIRLPOOL!
( Spongebob and Patrick
cheering )
YOU FIENDS.
THEY'RE ACTUALLY ENJOYING IT!
( screaming in delight )
Together:
DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN!
NOW WHAT, MERMAIDMAN.
WE NEED HELP.
Together:
SEA CREATURES, UNITE.
HUH! WHAT!
( all mumbling and chattering )
HMM, THE CREATURES
OF THE DEEP
SEEMED TO HAVE LOST
SOME OF THEIR LUSTER.
SEA CREATURES, ATTACK!
PINCH ME.
I MUST BE DREAMING.
( all mumbling and chattering )
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED,
PATRICK.
YEAH, WE DID IT.
I DID IT.
I FEEL FIVE YEARS YOUNGER.
OH, IT'S GOOD
TO BE BACK.
WE DID IT,
YOU OLD COOT.
WHO ARE YOU?
The new adventures of
Mermaidman and Barnacleboy.
We join our heroes
in a battle of wits.
IT'S THE AQUA PHONE.
WHAT IS IT, CHIEF.
HELLO, HELLO.
THAT PHONE IS STILL BROKEN.
REMIND ME TO GET THAT FIXED.
REMIND YOU WHAT?
REMIND ME OF WHAT?
WILL OUR HEROES
EVER GET THEIR PHONE FIXED?
Tune in next week and find out.
WOW, THAT WAS EVEN BETTER
THAN THE OLD SHOW.
IT'S ALL THANKS TO YOU!
WELCOME TO THE KRUSTY KRAB.
MY NAME IS SQUIDWARD.
CAN I TAKE YOUR ORDER?
HMM, OH, I'LL HAVE A...
NO.
OH, MAYBE...
NO.
HMM, I'LL HAVE...
NO.
WELL MAYBE--
ARE YOU PLANNING
ON ORDERING TODAY, SIR?
I'LL HAVE A KRABBY PATTIE.
HOW ORIGINAL.
AND WITH EXTRA ONIONS.
DARING TODAY, AREN'T WE.
ONE KRABBY PATTIE,
EXTRA ONIONS.
ONE CRYING JOHNNY COMING UP.
FIRST BUN, THEN PATTIE,
FOLLOWED BY KETCHUP, MUSTARD
PICKLES, EXTRA ONIONS, LETTUCE,
CHEESE, TOMATOES AND BUN
IN THAT ORDER.
ONE CRYING JOHNNY UP!
WHATEVER.
12 KRABBY PATTIES ON WHEAT BUNS.
( Spongebob repeating quickly: )
BUN, KRABBY PATTIE, BUN.
ONE DOZEN CRYING COWS
ON THE FARM.
UP!
THANKS, FARMER BROWN.
IT'S BEEN A THRILL SERVING YOU.
CAN I GET SOME EXTRA SALT?
WE'RE ALL OUT.
COULD YOU CHECK?
NO.
LET ME GUESS, TINY
A SMALL SALAD?
I TAKE A DOUBLE TRIPLE BARFY
DELUXE ON A RAFT.
FOUR-BY-FOUR,
ANIMAL STYLE.
EXTRA SHINGLES
WITH A SHIMMY
AND A SQUEEZE.
LIGHT AXLE GREASE, MAKE IT CRY.
BURN IT AND LET IT SWIM.
WE SERVE FOOD HERE.
I GOT IT ALREADY, SQUIDWARD.
( gasping: )
BUBBLE BATH.
SQUAREPANTS.
I HEAR TALK
YOU MAKE A MEAN
KRABBY PATTIE.
YEP!
I HEAR TALK
YOU'RE KIND OF PICKY.
YEP!
WELL, THEN,
HERE YOU GO!
( stomping )
( sniffing )
MMM.
WELL, BUBBLE BATH,
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
THIS IS PRETTY GOOD.
ONLY ONE THING--
YOU FORGOT THE PICKLES!
( all gasping )
NO!
THE BEST THERE IS?
I DON'T THINK SO.
YOU LOSE.
BUT THE PICKLES SHOULD BE
RIGHT WHERE THEY ALWAYS ARE.
I KNOW I PUT THEM ON.
WHERE ARE THOSE PICKLES?
PICKLES, PICKLES, PICKLES.
AH!
I BELIEVE
YOU OWE ME TWO BUCKS.
TWO BUCKS!
YOUR GUARANTEE.
OH, THAT, WELL,
CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS?
NO.
HOW ABOUT A DISCOUNT
ON RESTROOM TOKENS?
FREE.
HOW ABOUT A FREE
GLASS OF WATER?
A DOZEN FREE GLASSES OF WATER!
I'LL EVEN PUT ICE IN IT.
NO, COME BACK.
TWO DOLLARS, TWO DOLLARS.
NO, NO.
MR. KRABS, I KNOW
I PUT PICKLES ON
THAT KRABBY PATTIE.
THAT TWO BUCKS
IS COMING OUT OF YOUR PAYCHECK.
WAIT.
WAIT!
GET BACK TO WORK.
WE GOT ORDERS WAITING.
I NEED A KRABBY PATTIE.
OKAY, I AM NOT GOING
TO BLOW IT THIS TIME.
LET'S SEE.
BUN DOWN, THEN KETCHUP,
THEN MUSTARD, THEN PICKLES--
NO, THAT'S NOT RIGHT!
BUN DOWN, MUSTARD, THEN KETCHUP,
LETTUCE, THEN THE PICKLES--
NO.
MUSTARD DOWN, BUN, OH,
WHERE DOES THE PATTIE GO.
PICKLES, KETCHUP
THINK, THINK,
I'M LOSING IT.
BUN DOWN, SHOE,
MUSTARD, PAN, OH, NO.
MR. KRABS, I AM SO CONFUSED.
I CAN'T REMEMBER
HOW TO DO ANYTHING.
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE
THE REST OF THE DAY OFF.
OH, NO, MR. KRABS.
WHO WILL MAKE
THE KRABBY PATTIES?
OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.
WE GOT SQUIDWARD.
HUH?
MR. KRABS IS RIGHT.
I NEED TO GET MY HEAD STRAIGHT.
NOW IS IT BUN, PATTIE, KETCHUP.
AH!
THE DOOR, THE DOOR.
MR. KRABS,
THE FRONT DOOR IS MISSING!
OH.
HA, HA, SORRY ABOUT THAT.
THIS PICKLE THING HAS GOT MY
HEAD ALL MESSED UP.
I BETTER GET ON HOME
AND REST MY BRAIN.
WHICH WAY DO I LIVE?
OF COURSE.
HA! HA!
NO, NO, WAS IT
BUN, PATTIE, BUN?
TOMATO, PICKLE, BUN?
NO.
BUN, NO.
NO SHOE.
OH, I AM SO CONFUSED.
MAYBE A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP WILL
HELP ME GET MY HEAD ON STRAIGHT.
OH, WAS IT MATTRESS, MATTRESS,
SHEETS, PILLOW, THEN SPONGEBOB.
OH, THINK SPONGE.
OH, YEAH, IT WAS MATTRESS,
SPONGEBOB, MATTRESS
THEN SHEETS, PILLOW.
GOODNIGHT, GARY.
MEOW.
NO, THIS ISN'T RIGHT.
GOODNIGHT, GARY.
MEOW.
WAIT, THIS ISN'T RIGHT, EITHER.
NOPE.
NEGATIVE.
COME ON, COME ON, GET IT RIGHT.
WRONG, WRONG.
WRONG!
NOPE.
NAW!
NEGATORY.
( rooster crowing )
( horn blowing )
OH, I ALMOST HAD IT.
( horn continues to blow )
COME ON, CLOCK.
HOW DO I TURN THIS THING OFF?
THINK! THINK! THINK!
MEOW.
GARY.
( horn continues )
( choking )
( bell rings )
PATTIES ARE DONE.
HEY, HE BURNT
MY KRABBY PATTIE.
HE BURNT BY FRIES.
( slurping )
HE BURNT MY SHAKE.
( muttering angrily )
NO, COME BACK.
NO, NO.
I GOT TO GET SPONGEBOB BACK.
SPONGEBOB?
SPONGEBOB!
MR. KRABS, HELLO.
DO YOU HOW DO?
WHY ARE YOU
TALKING FUNNY, MAN?
I ANYTHING CAN'T DO RIGHT
SINCE BECAUSE PICKLES.
NONSENSE.
YOU'LL BE BACK
MAKING KRABBY PATTIES
LIKE YOUR OLD SELF IN NO TIME.
I THINK DON'T
READY BACK
TO GO TO WORK,
MR. KRABS.
WELL, YOU'RE FINE,
ME BOY.
( crash )
OOH, WELL, MAYBE NOT.
ALL WE NEED TO DO
IS GET YOUR CONFIDENCE BACK
SO YOU CAN MAKE ME MORE MONEY.
I MEAN, PATTIES.
I HOW DO THAT?
IT'S LIKE
RIDING A BIKE.
YOU NEVER FORGET.
UH, I'M GOING
TO HELP YOU.
YOU LEARN TO MAKE YOUR
KRABBY PATTIE AGAIN
YOU'LL LIFE
WILL BE BACK IN ORDER.
MR. KRABS, I DON'T KNOW...
TAKE YOUR TIME.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
HMM...
( snoring )
I GOT IT.
I GOT IT!
IT'S ALL VERY CLEAR
TO ME NOW, MR. KRABS.
IT IS?
YES, I FINALLY REALIZE
THAT I CAN'T DO IT.
I CAN'T DO IT, MR. KRABS.
I'M A FAILURE.
DON'T TALK LIKE THAT!
DON'T YOU GET IS,
YOU CRUSTACEOUS CHEAPSKATE--
I CAN'T MAKE A DOUBLE CRABBY
PATTIE WITH THE WORKS.
I CAN'T PUT A PATTIE ON A BUN
WITH LETTUCE, CHEESE, ONIONS
TOMATOES, KETCHUP, MUSTARD,
PICKLES, AND TOP BUN
TOGETHER IN THAT ORDER!
IT'S TIME.
HEY, SPONGEBOB'S BACK.
All:
SPONGEBOB!
I HEAR SQUAREPANTS IS BACK.
I'M RIGHT HERE, BUBBLE BATH.
I THOUGHT I RAN YOU OUT OF TOWN.
THIS IS WHERE I BELONG.
( growls )
RIGHT.
( gasps )
GIVE ME THE REGULAR.
AND THIS TIME,
DON'T FORGET THE PICKLES.
I DIDN'T.
MMM...
STILL NO PICKLES!
SEE.
All:
YUCK.
YOU FAILED AGAIN,
SPONGEBOB-LOSER-PANTS.
( diabolical laugh )
WAIT A MINUTE.
LOOK.
HE'S BEEN HIDING
THE PICKLES
UNDER HIS TONGUE
THE WHOLE TIME.
AND THERE'S THE PICKLE
FROM LAST TIME, TOO.
AND THERE'S MY CAR KEYS.
AND THERE'S MY RIDE.
THREE CHEERS FOR THE RETURN
OF OUR MR. FRY COOK, SPONGEBOB.
HIP-HIP--
All:
HOORAY!
HIP-HIP--
All:
HOORAY!
AND THREE CHEERS
FOR THE FRY COOK
WHO TOOK MY PLACE
WHILE I WAS GONE--
SQUIDWARD.
HIP-HIP.
( unenthusiastic response )
HIP-HIP.
( unenthusiastic response )
HIP-HIP.
BOO!
YOU STINK!
Kids:
AYE AYE, CAPTAIN!
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
AYE AYE, CAPTAIN!
♪ OH... ♪
♪ WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE
UNDER THE SEA? ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ ABSORBENT AND YELLOW
AND POROUS IS HE ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE
BE SOMETHING YOU WISH ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ THEN DROP ON THE DECK
AND FLOP LIKE A FISH ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ READY?
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB
SQUAREPANTS ♪
♪ SPONGEBOB... SQUAREPANTS! ♪
( Captain laughs )
( plays flute tune )
[Captioning sponsored by THE
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
and NICKELODEON]
MERMAIDMAN.
FLEET AND FORCEFUL.
WITH ABILITY TO
ASSEMBLE AND CHARGE
THE CREATURES OF THE DEEP.
BY THE POWER OF NEPTUNE.
MERMAIDMAN, WITH HIS
YOUNG ASSOCIATE BARNACLEBOY
FIGHTS FOR ALL CREATURES
THAT LIVE IN THE SEA.
AGAINST THE FORCES OF EVIL.
OH, NO!
THE RAGING WHIRLPOOL.
MERMAIDMAN--
CHAMPION OF THE DEEP.
Together:
YEAH!
Spongebob:
CHAMPION OF THE DEEP.
Together:
YIPPEE!
COME ON, BARNACLEBOY,
THERE'S EVIL AFOOT.
LEEPIN' LAMPREYS,
MERMAIDMAN.
I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
Spongebob:
MERMAIDMAN AND BARNACLEBOY
SPOT THEIR ARCH ENEMY--
REFLECTO, UP TO NO GOOD.
SPONGEBOB.
YOU KNOW
WHAT THIS MEANS.
DOUGHNUTS.
OOH.
BY THE POWER OF NEPTUNE.
Together:
MERMAIDMAN AND BARNACLEBOY,
UNITE!
CREATURES OF THE DEEP
ASSEMBLE.
( both grunting )
HARDER, BARNACLEBOY.
HERE THEY COME.
( buzzing )
BLAST!
REFLECTO HAS BECOME
TOO POWERFUL.
WHAT THE...
OH!
IF REFLECTO
IS CUT OFF FROM SUNLIGHT,
HE BECOMES WEAK.
JUMPIN' JELLYFISH, MERMAIDMAN.
HE'S DESTROYING THE SHIELD!
( muttering )
OH!
QUICK, BARNACLEBOY.
BACK TO THE SEACAVE.
RIGHT, MERMAIDMAN.
SPONGEBOB!
SPONGEBOB, OPEN IT UP.
REFLECTO HAS FOUND
OUR SECRET LAB.
WHAT WOULD
THE REAL MERMAIDMAN DO?
WHY DON'T YOU ASK HIM YOURSELF.
ELABORATE, YOU VILE FIEND.
HE AND BARNACLEBOY LIVE
IN THE RETIREMENT HOME
ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN.
HMM.
THEY MUST BE WORKING UNDERCOVER.
YEAH, NOW PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE.
Together:
MERMAIDMAN AND BARNACLEBOY,
REUNITE!
EXCUSE ME.
I KNOW MERMAIDMAN
IS WORKING UNDERCOVER
ON AN IMPORTANT CASE
BUT DO YOU THINK
WE COULD SEE HIM?
UNDERCOVER?
YEAH, WELL I'LL SEE
IF THEY CAN TAKE TIME
FROM THEIR BUSY SCHEDULE
TO SEE YOU.
( laughing excitedly )
HERE THEY ARE.
RIGHT OVER THERE.
( happily gasping )
TRY NOT TO SURPRISE THEM.
PATRICK,
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
MERMAIDMAN
AND BARNACLEBOY
IN THE FLESH.
HEY, WHO ARE THOSE GUYS?
ARE THEY HERE
TO FIX THE T.V.?
( nervous chattering )
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
ARE YOU MERMAIDMAN
AND BARNACLEBOY?
WELL, WE USED TO BE,
BUT NOW WE'RE RETIRED.
( gasping together )
BUT YOU CAN'T RETIRE.
THERE'S EVIL AFOOT.
WHAT EVIL!
EVIL!
OOH!
BARNACLEBOY!
DON'T FORGET THERE'S EVIL.
ALL I SAID IS
THERE'S EVIL AFOOT.
EVIL!
EEE... EEE...
WOULD YOU PLEASE
STOP SAYING THAT.
EVIL.
EVIL, EVIL, EVIL, EVIL.
OH!
DISGRACE!
( door slams shut )
WOW!
MERMAIDMAN AND BARNACLEBOY.
IT'S TOO BAD THEIR OLD.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, PATRICK.
OLD PEOPLE ARE THE GREATEST.
THEY'RE FULL OF WISDOM
AND EXPERIENCE.
( ting )
THE WORLD NEEDS
MERMAIDMAN AND BARNACLEBOY.
SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE
IS IN TROUBLE
AND I WON'T REST
UNTIL MERMAIDMAN AND BARNACLEBOY
ARE OUT OF RETIREMENT.
( fireworks )
OOH, PRETTY LIGHTS.
TO THE MEATLOAF.
TO THE BROCCOLI.
MAKE SURE YOU GIVE EXTRA
BROCCOLI TO MY YOUNG WARD.
THE BOY NEEDS HIS VITAMINS.
HERE YOU GO, SON.
( snickering )
TO THE TABLE-- AWAY!
CAREFUL, DON'T RUN.
HEY, MERMAIDMAN.
HEY, HERE COMES
THE T.V. REPAIRMAN.
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US?
HOLD ON.
JUST LET ME LOOK AT YOU.
STAY ALERT,
BARNACLEBOY.
HE'S, HE'S UP
TO SOMETHING.
WOULD YOU STOP
CALLING ME BOY?
DO YOU REMEMBER THE TIME
THE FOOD SUPPLY IN ATLANTIS
WAS RUNNING LOW?
SO YOU INVENTED A RAY GUN
THAT MADE THINGS
GROW SIX TIMES THEIR SIZE
TO SHOOT AT THE KELP GARDENS.
BUT THEN, THE EVIL MAN RAY
SWOOPS DOWN
AND SWIPES THE GUN AWAY
AND SHOOTS ALL THE ALGAE.
( imitating ray gun )
AND HE GLOMS ONTO
THE UNDERSEA DOME
AND HE STARTS
SUCKING ON THE GLASS.
WHAT'S YOUR POINT, KID?
YOU GUYS ARE THE GREATEST HEROES
OF ALL TIME.
AND I THINK YOU
SHOULD COME OUT OF RETIREMENT.
LISTEN UP.
I WANT
TO EAT MY MEATLOAF.
IF YOU DON'T
GET OUT OF HERE
THEN BY THE POWER
INVESTED IN ME
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU
MAN AND WIFE.
WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?
YOU MAY KISS
THE BRIDE.
( Wedding March playing )
DID YOU REUNITE OUR HEROES?
NO, BUT I'M MARRIED.
UP, UP AND AWAY.
UP, UP AND AWAY.
( Southern accent: )
OH, MY.
THIS PURSE IS
SO BIG AND HEAVY.
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, MA'AM.
I'LL BE TAKING THAT.
OH!
HELP! HELP! HELP!
IT'S WORKING.
WHY ARE YOU HERE
TO RESCUE LITTLE OLD ME?
PIPE DOWN!
YOU'RE GOING
TO WAKE MERMAIDMAN
AND HE'S AWRY
WHEN HIS NAP
S DISTURBED.
EVER ALERT
MERMAIDMAN TRAINED HIMSELF
TO SLEEP WITH HIS EYE OPEN.
GET AWAY FROM HIM.
STOP SHOUTING!
I'M NAPPING.
IT'S NOT ME, YOU OLD COOT.
YES, THAT'S ME.
I'M OVER HERE.
( bickering )
EXCUSE ME.
MERMAIDMAN.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
THIS BETTER BE GOOD.
THIS WILL CHEER YOU UP.
WE'RE ALMOST DONE PAINTING
YOUR INVISIBLE BOAT MOBILE.
IT'S SUPPOSED
TO BE INVISIBLE!
THAT'S IT!
WE GOT TO END
OUR LIFE OF LEISURE.
IT'S TIME TO COME OUT OF
RETIREMENT.
THERE'S EVIL AFOOT!
EVIL!
WHERE IS IT?
THERE IT IS.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEAN?
DOUGHNUTS.
OH, BROTHER.
( music starts and fades out )
( music starts and fades out )
SAY THE OATH.
MERMAIDMAN AND BARNACLEBOY,
UNITE!
( music starts again
and tune finishes )
THROW A WATER BALL AT HIM.
Together:
WATER BALLS! WATER BALLS!
YEAH!
( laughing )
MUMBLING, MORAYS
IT'S NOT WORKING, MERMAIDMAN.
HE'S ABSORBING IT
LIKE SOME KIND OF
EVIL SPONGE.
Together:
DOG PADDLE AWAY!
IT'S THE RAGING WHIRLPOOL!
( Spongebob and Patrick
cheering )
YOU FIENDS.
THEY'RE ACTUALLY ENJOYING IT!
( screaming in delight )
Together:
DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN!
NOW WHAT, MERMAIDMAN.
WE NEED HELP.
Together:
SEA CREATURES, UNITE.
HUH! WHAT!
( all mumbling and chattering )
HMM, THE CREATURES
OF THE DEEP
SEEMED TO HAVE LOST
SOME OF THEIR LUSTER.
SEA CREATURES, ATTACK!
PINCH ME.
I MUST BE DREAMING.
( all mumbling and chattering )
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED,
PATRICK.
YEAH, WE DID IT.
I DID IT.
I FEEL FIVE YEARS YOUNGER.
OH, IT'S GOOD
TO BE BACK.
WE DID IT,
YOU OLD COOT.
WHO ARE YOU?
The new adventures of
Mermaidman and Barnacleboy.
We join our heroes
in a battle of wits.
IT'S THE AQUA PHONE.
WHAT IS IT, CHIEF.
HELLO, HELLO.
THAT PHONE IS STILL BROKEN.
REMIND ME TO GET THAT FIXED.
REMIND YOU WHAT?
REMIND ME OF WHAT?
WILL OUR HEROES
EVER GET THEIR PHONE FIXED?
Tune in next week and find out.
WOW, THAT WAS EVEN BETTER
THAN THE OLD SHOW.
IT'S ALL THANKS TO YOU!
WELCOME TO THE KRUSTY KRAB.
MY NAME IS SQUIDWARD.
CAN I TAKE YOUR ORDER?
HMM, OH, I'LL HAVE A...
NO.
OH, MAYBE...
NO.
HMM, I'LL HAVE...
NO.
WELL MAYBE--
ARE YOU PLANNING
ON ORDERING TODAY, SIR?
I'LL HAVE A KRABBY PATTIE.
HOW ORIGINAL.
AND WITH EXTRA ONIONS.
DARING TODAY, AREN'T WE.
ONE KRABBY PATTIE,
EXTRA ONIONS.
ONE CRYING JOHNNY COMING UP.
FIRST BUN, THEN PATTIE,
FOLLOWED BY KETCHUP, MUSTARD
PICKLES, EXTRA ONIONS, LETTUCE,
CHEESE, TOMATOES AND BUN
IN THAT ORDER.
ONE CRYING JOHNNY UP!
WHATEVER.
12 KRABBY PATTIES ON WHEAT BUNS.
( Spongebob repeating quickly: )
BUN, KRABBY PATTIE, BUN.
ONE DOZEN CRYING COWS
ON THE FARM.
UP!
THANKS, FARMER BROWN.
IT'S BEEN A THRILL SERVING YOU.
CAN I GET SOME EXTRA SALT?
WE'RE ALL OUT.
COULD YOU CHECK?
NO.
LET ME GUESS, TINY
A SMALL SALAD?
I TAKE A DOUBLE TRIPLE BARFY
DELUXE ON A RAFT.
FOUR-BY-FOUR,
ANIMAL STYLE.
EXTRA SHINGLES
WITH A SHIMMY
AND A SQUEEZE.
LIGHT AXLE GREASE, MAKE IT CRY.
BURN IT AND LET IT SWIM.
WE SERVE FOOD HERE.
I GOT IT ALREADY, SQUIDWARD.
( gasping: )
BUBBLE BATH.
SQUAREPANTS.
I HEAR TALK
YOU MAKE A MEAN
KRABBY PATTIE.
YEP!
I HEAR TALK
YOU'RE KIND OF PICKY.
YEP!
WELL, THEN,
HERE YOU GO!
( stomping )
( sniffing )
MMM.
WELL, BUBBLE BATH,
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
THIS IS PRETTY GOOD.
ONLY ONE THING--
YOU FORGOT THE PICKLES!
( all gasping )
NO!
THE BEST THERE IS?
I DON'T THINK SO.
YOU LOSE.
BUT THE PICKLES SHOULD BE
RIGHT WHERE THEY ALWAYS ARE.
I KNOW I PUT THEM ON.
WHERE ARE THOSE PICKLES?
PICKLES, PICKLES, PICKLES.
AH!
I BELIEVE
YOU OWE ME TWO BUCKS.
TWO BUCKS!
YOUR GUARANTEE.
OH, THAT, WELL,
CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS?
NO.
HOW ABOUT A DISCOUNT
ON RESTROOM TOKENS?
FREE.
HOW ABOUT A FREE
GLASS OF WATER?
A DOZEN FREE GLASSES OF WATER!
I'LL EVEN PUT ICE IN IT.
NO, COME BACK.
TWO DOLLARS, TWO DOLLARS.
NO, NO.
MR. KRABS, I KNOW
I PUT PICKLES ON
THAT KRABBY PATTIE.
THAT TWO BUCKS
IS COMING OUT OF YOUR PAYCHECK.
WAIT.
WAIT!
GET BACK TO WORK.
WE GOT ORDERS WAITING.
I NEED A KRABBY PATTIE.
OKAY, I AM NOT GOING
TO BLOW IT THIS TIME.
LET'S SEE.
BUN DOWN, THEN KETCHUP,
THEN MUSTARD, THEN PICKLES--
NO, THAT'S NOT RIGHT!
BUN DOWN, MUSTARD, THEN KETCHUP,
LETTUCE, THEN THE PICKLES--
NO.
MUSTARD DOWN, BUN, OH,
WHERE DOES THE PATTIE GO.
PICKLES, KETCHUP
THINK, THINK,
I'M LOSING IT.
BUN DOWN, SHOE,
MUSTARD, PAN, OH, NO.
MR. KRABS, I AM SO CONFUSED.
I CAN'T REMEMBER
HOW TO DO ANYTHING.
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE
THE REST OF THE DAY OFF.
OH, NO, MR. KRABS.
WHO WILL MAKE
THE KRABBY PATTIES?
OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.
WE GOT SQUIDWARD.
HUH?
MR. KRABS IS RIGHT.
I NEED TO GET MY HEAD STRAIGHT.
NOW IS IT BUN, PATTIE, KETCHUP.
AH!
THE DOOR, THE DOOR.
MR. KRABS,
THE FRONT DOOR IS MISSING!
OH.
HA, HA, SORRY ABOUT THAT.
THIS PICKLE THING HAS GOT MY
HEAD ALL MESSED UP.
I BETTER GET ON HOME
AND REST MY BRAIN.
WHICH WAY DO I LIVE?
OF COURSE.
HA! HA!
NO, NO, WAS IT
BUN, PATTIE, BUN?
TOMATO, PICKLE, BUN?
NO.
BUN, NO.
NO SHOE.
OH, I AM SO CONFUSED.
MAYBE A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP WILL
HELP ME GET MY HEAD ON STRAIGHT.
OH, WAS IT MATTRESS, MATTRESS,
SHEETS, PILLOW, THEN SPONGEBOB.
OH, THINK SPONGE.
OH, YEAH, IT WAS MATTRESS,
SPONGEBOB, MATTRESS
THEN SHEETS, PILLOW.
GOODNIGHT, GARY.
MEOW.
NO, THIS ISN'T RIGHT.
GOODNIGHT, GARY.
MEOW.
WAIT, THIS ISN'T RIGHT, EITHER.
NOPE.
NEGATIVE.
COME ON, COME ON, GET IT RIGHT.
WRONG, WRONG.
WRONG!
NOPE.
NAW!
NEGATORY.
( rooster crowing )
( horn blowing )
OH, I ALMOST HAD IT.
( horn continues to blow )
COME ON, CLOCK.
HOW DO I TURN THIS THING OFF?
THINK! THINK! THINK!
MEOW.
GARY.
( horn continues )
( choking )
( bell rings )
PATTIES ARE DONE.
HEY, HE BURNT
MY KRABBY PATTIE.
HE BURNT BY FRIES.
( slurping )
HE BURNT MY SHAKE.
( muttering angrily )
NO, COME BACK.
NO, NO.
I GOT TO GET SPONGEBOB BACK.
SPONGEBOB?
SPONGEBOB!
MR. KRABS, HELLO.
DO YOU HOW DO?
WHY ARE YOU
TALKING FUNNY, MAN?
I ANYTHING CAN'T DO RIGHT
SINCE BECAUSE PICKLES.
NONSENSE.
YOU'LL BE BACK
MAKING KRABBY PATTIES
LIKE YOUR OLD SELF IN NO TIME.
I THINK DON'T
READY BACK
TO GO TO WORK,
MR. KRABS.
WELL, YOU'RE FINE,
ME BOY.
( crash )
OOH, WELL, MAYBE NOT.
ALL WE NEED TO DO
IS GET YOUR CONFIDENCE BACK
SO YOU CAN MAKE ME MORE MONEY.
I MEAN, PATTIES.
I HOW DO THAT?
IT'S LIKE
RIDING A BIKE.
YOU NEVER FORGET.
UH, I'M GOING
TO HELP YOU.
YOU LEARN TO MAKE YOUR
KRABBY PATTIE AGAIN
YOU'LL LIFE
WILL BE BACK IN ORDER.
MR. KRABS, I DON'T KNOW...
TAKE YOUR TIME.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
HMM...
( snoring )
I GOT IT.
I GOT IT!
IT'S ALL VERY CLEAR
TO ME NOW, MR. KRABS.
IT IS?
YES, I FINALLY REALIZE
THAT I CAN'T DO IT.
I CAN'T DO IT, MR. KRABS.
I'M A FAILURE.
DON'T TALK LIKE THAT!
DON'T YOU GET IS,
YOU CRUSTACEOUS CHEAPSKATE--
I CAN'T MAKE A DOUBLE CRABBY
PATTIE WITH THE WORKS.
I CAN'T PUT A PATTIE ON A BUN
WITH LETTUCE, CHEESE, ONIONS
TOMATOES, KETCHUP, MUSTARD,
PICKLES, AND TOP BUN
TOGETHER IN THAT ORDER!
IT'S TIME.
HEY, SPONGEBOB'S BACK.
All:
SPONGEBOB!
I HEAR SQUAREPANTS IS BACK.
I'M RIGHT HERE, BUBBLE BATH.
I THOUGHT I RAN YOU OUT OF TOWN.
THIS IS WHERE I BELONG.
( growls )
RIGHT.
( gasps )
GIVE ME THE REGULAR.
AND THIS TIME,
DON'T FORGET THE PICKLES.
I DIDN'T.
MMM...
STILL NO PICKLES!
SEE.
All:
YUCK.
YOU FAILED AGAIN,
SPONGEBOB-LOSER-PANTS.
( diabolical laugh )
WAIT A MINUTE.
LOOK.
HE'S BEEN HIDING
THE PICKLES
UNDER HIS TONGUE
THE WHOLE TIME.
AND THERE'S THE PICKLE
FROM LAST TIME, TOO.
AND THERE'S MY CAR KEYS.
AND THERE'S MY RIDE.
THREE CHEERS FOR THE RETURN
OF OUR MR. FRY COOK, SPONGEBOB.
HIP-HIP--
All:
HOORAY!
HIP-HIP--
All:
HOORAY!
AND THREE CHEERS
FOR THE FRY COOK
WHO TOOK MY PLACE
WHILE I WAS GONE--
SQUIDWARD.
HIP-HIP.
( unenthusiastic response )
HIP-HIP.
( unenthusiastic response )
HIP-HIP.
BOO!
YOU STINK!