SpongeBob SquarePants (1999–…): Season 0, Episode 0 - The Patrick Star Fan Favorites Special - full transcript

- Hello?
- Is this the Krusty Krab?

- No, this is
"The Patrick Star

Fan Favorites Special."

both: Yay!

- And today,
we're counting down

the greatest
Patrick Star moments

from "SpongeBob SquarePants"
that you voted for.

[together]
Leedle leedle leedle lee!

- So break out the mayonnaise,
set your belts to wumbo,

and prepare to head w-east

because we're kicking it off
with a very special theme song.



- Are you ready, Patrick?
- Uh...

- Patrick, you're supposed
to say, "aye, aye, Captain."

Patrick?
- [snores]

- Oh, never mind.

- ♪ Oh, who lives like
a barnacle under the sea? ♪

- Leedle, leedle, leedle, lee.

- ♪ Hilarious, pink,
and awesome is he ♪

- Leedle, leedle, leedle, lee.

- ♪ If friendship and laughter
be something you wish ♪

- Leedle, leedle, leedle, lee.

- ♪ Then Patrick's the sea's
starriest fish ♪

- Leedle, leedle, leedle, lee.
- ♪ Ready? ♪

♪ Patrick sea Star,
Patrick sea Star ♪

♪ Patrick sea Star ♪



♪ Patrick ♪

♪ Sea Star ♪

- [laughing]
It's a giraffe.

- What up, Patrick people?
What's good, Star squad?

I'm Unspeakable,

and you may know me
from YouTube

and know I love
doing things like this.

Wow, we're just breaking
everything in this video.

But what you might not know

is that I am
the world's number one

Patrick Star superfan.

- No way.
- Seriously, look.

I got this trophy
and everything.

[cheers and applause]

You voted for the funniest,
awesomest, pinkest, pinkiest,

and most sea-stariest
Patrick Star moments

from "SpongeBob SquarePants,"

and today,
we're counting 'em down.

Patrick has given us
some of the most iconic scenes

in the history
of "SpongeBob SquarePants,"

and you're not gonna believe
which moment

takes the number one spot.
So let the countdown begin.

- You may be
an open book, SpongeBob,

but I'm a bit
more complicated than that.

The inner machinations
of my mind are an enigma.

- You know,
the inner machinations

of my mind are also an enigma.

[opera music]

♪ ♪

I'm so sorry.
Back to the countdown.

[upbeat music]

- Maybe a story
will cheer you up.

It's called
"The Ugly Barnacle."

Once there was
an ugly barnacle.

He was so ugly
that everyone died.

The end.

- That didn't help at all.

- The carnival is back in town!

I'm gonna be first in line
for everything.

- Where is everybody?

- I don't know.
There was one kid here earlier.

- It doesn't look
like any carnival

I ever--oh, excuse me.
[gasps]

[eerie music]

Stop, Patrick!
Don't touch it!

This isn't the carnival,
Patrick.

Those are hooks.

Mr. Krab says
they're really dangerous.

- Hmm, I sense no danger here.

How could they be dangerous?

They're covered
with free cheese.

- All I know is
Mr. Krabs said--

Patrick, don't do that! -
Mmm.

cheesy.
No danger here.

Go on, try it.
- But Mr. Krabs said--

- SpongeBob,
let me ask you something.

Does this look dangerous?

- [screams]
Patrick, don't!

- Lighten up, will you?

Or do I have to eat
all this cheese by myself--

[screams]
- [gasps]

Patrick!

- That last scene
has me hooked to find out

what your number one scene is,

but I'll just have to wait
like the rest of you.

Before we get back
to the countdown,

we've got to shout out
the fact that Patrick

has his own series,

"The Patrick Star Show,"
and it's so good

that I put together
some highlights just for you.

Get ready for some
classic montage action.

- And here's your host,
Patrick Star.

- Whoo!

[grunts]

The smell is rank
with a touch of stank.

[laughs]

[screams]

Oh.
Ugh.

I'll put ham!

[children screaming]

Ah!
- Ice cream!

- [grunts happily]
- [grunts]

Oops.

- That was sick.
Now back to the countdown.

Get your pencils
and paper ready

for a quick lesson
on wumbology.

- Oh, if only I knew
how to work this thing.

- Let me take a look at it.
Hmm.

[chuckles]
You know what the problem is?

- What?

- You got it set to M for mini

when it should be set
to W for wumbo.

- Patrick, I don't think wumbo
is a real word.

- Come on.
You know.

I wumbo.
You wumbo.

He, she, me wumbo.

Wumbo, wumboing.
Will have me wumbo.

- I wonder if a fall
from this height

would be enough to kill me.

- Wumborama.
Wumbology.

The study of wumbo.
It's first grade, SpongeBob.

- Patrick,
I'm sorry I doubted you.

- Guys, I need your help.

I tried to make
my own wumbo belt,

and I accidentally
shrunk my car.

Look at it!

If any of you out there
are wumbo experts, hit me up.

In the meantime,
onto the next clip.

- Are you ready
for your first day

of goodness school?

Pat, get your wallet out.

Okay, goodness lesson
number one.

You see someone
drop their wallet.

Patrick, drop the wallet.

Now, what would you do?

- Excuse me, sir,

but I do believe
you've dropped your wallet.

- Doesn't look familiar to me.

- What?

I just saw you drop it.
Here.

- Nope, it's not mine.
- It is yours.

I am trying to be a good person
and return it to you.

- Return what to who?

[quirky music]

- Aren't you Patrick Star?
- Yep.

- And this is your ID?
- Yep.

- I found this ID
in this wallet,

and if that's the case,
this must be your wallet.

- That makes sense to me.
- Then take it.

- It's not my wallet.

- We should call my nephew.
- We should dig a moat.

- We should take Bikini Bottom

and push it somewhere else.

- That idea
may just be crazy enough

to get us all killed!

[indistinct shouting]

- Well, that's what
we're gonna do.

- You know, that last scene
got me thinking.

What if we push Bikini Bottom
to my town?

I got my very own Goo Lagoon.

Don't go anywhere
'cause coming up,

I've got more Patrick Star's

greatest moments
that you voted for.

We've got some
lid lifting action,

a dirty man named Dan,

and the number one moment
of all time,

and you'll never guess
what it is.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I gotta make a kelp shake
and hit the jet skis.

Oh.
[laughs]

Right, right.

Uh, where am I supposed
to plug this thing in at?

- And we are back

with "The Patrick Star
Fan Favorites Special."

- Don't you have
to be stupid somewhere else?

- Not until 4:00.

- I'm your host and number one
Patrick Star superfan,

Unspeakable,
and we are counting down

Patrick Star's
funniest, wackiest,

and Patrickiest moments.

"Why?"
You might ask.

- Patrick needs love too!

[roars]

- Patrick fans like you
from all around the world

voted on your favorite
Patrick Star moments,

and our crack team
of sea star scientists

used advanced
nautical algorithms

to rank them one by one.

- We have technology.

[grunting]

- And it all leads up
to the big reveal

of what you voted for
as the number one

greatest Patrick Star moment
of all time.

both: It's coming.
It's coming. It's coming.

- But first,
I think it's about time

we blow the lid
off the next clip.

Get it? Blow the li--li--
okay, just play the clip.

- I'm never gonna get
an award now.

- Don't give up, Patrick.

This time I've got something
I know you can do.

We're gonna open a jar.
Easy.

Now you try.
First, get a jar.

Patrick, that's a pickle.

- Yes.
- You need a jar.

No, no, no.

Try this.

Now, take the lid off the jar.

Just relax.
Lift your hand.

Great, we're almost there.
Now put it on the lid.

No, the lid.
The lid.

The lid!
The lid.

The lid.
The lid.

The lid, the lid,
the lid, the lid,

lid, lid, lid, lid, lid, lid,
lid, lid, lid, lid, freeze!

- [panting]
- Almost there.

Now head for the lid.

Cold.
Warmer.

Warmer.
Warmer!

You're hot!
You're on fire!

- Ow, it burns!
- Okay, okay, wait, wait.

Do exactly as I do.

Exactly as I do.

Exactly.
Exactly.

Exactly.

- Exactly as you do.

Oh, no, I broke it.

- No, no, Patrick, you did it!
- I did?

[both cheering]

- Good job!
- Yes, I did!

Oh, touchdown!

Don't worry, buddy.
You're doing fine.

[panting]

I won't let you blow...this.

[coughing and wheezing]

What kind of place is this?

There's no water in here!
- I tried to tell you!

- We've got to get out of here!

- You're doing it wrong!

- Was Patrick drowning in air?

Can you drown in air?

What even is air?

[mysterious ambient music]

♪ ♪

I'm hungry,

which means it's time
to take a break

from the countdown
and snack on

some "Kamp Koral"
Patrick highlights.

Is there anything cuter than
a 10-year-old Patrick Star?

Check him out
in this awesome mash-up

of his best moments
from "Kamp Koral."

- Patrick!

[all cheer]

[together]
Weirdos, weirdos!

- [grunts]
[laughs]

I'll just use
my phonographic memory.

[upbeat music]

[record scratches]

- I've got a map.
[grunts]

[laughing]

Yeah!

Whoa.

- Patrick, where
are your pants?

- I'm free!
- No, Patrick!

- At least I'm done
with all your nonsense.

- What do you think
he means by nonsense?

[toots horn]
- Whoa.

- Ah, reminds me
of my own camper days.

I was underwater
the whole time.

Anyways, back to the countdown.

Coming in at number eight,
Patrick reminds us all

to put some respect
on his name.

- Who will take home the gold?
Mr. Krabs of the Krusty Krab?

- Don't forget.
He called you yellow.

- [munches loudly]

- Or Plankton
of the Chum Bucket?

- Don't forget.
He called you pink.

- [growls]

[grunts]

[screams]

[bell rings]

- [grunts]
- [grunts]

- [screaming]

- [screaming]

[both screaming]

- Forget the Chum Bucket.
This is personal.

- [screaming]

- No!

My name's not

Rick!

- I don't like you.
- I don't like you more.

- I never liked you!

- I 1,000 times
never liked you!

- Pink!
- Yellow!

[both growling]

[pants tearing]

- [gasps]
Yellow.

- Pink?

[together]
You do care!

[both sobbing]

- All right, Pinhead.
Your time is up.

- Who you calling Pinhead?
I want to be Dirty Dan.

- What makes you think
you can be Dirty Dan?

- I'm dirty.
- I'd say I'm Dirty Dan.

- I'd say I'm Dirty Dan.

- Ow!
- Oh!

- I'd say I'm Dirty Dan.
Ow!

- I'm Dirty Dan.
- I'm Dirty Dan.

Ow!
- I'm Dirty Dan.

- I'm Dirty Dan.
Oof!

- I'm Dirty Dan.
[laughs]

- I'm Dirty Dan.
Oh!

- I'm Dirty Dan!
- I'm Dirty Dan!

- I'm Dirty Dan!
- I'm Dirty Dan.

Oh!
- I'm Dirty Dan!

- [screams]

- Screaming will get you no--

- [breathing heavily]

- Look, there can only be
one Dirty Dan,

and that's
my dirty uncle, Daniel

who hasn't taken a shower since
the Great Soap Scandal of 1883.

I mean, seriously, look at him.

- Ooh, ooh, ooh,
I love my dirt.

- Next up on the countdown,
Patrick Star proves

that the best hall monitors
have their own sirens.

- Hurry, SpongeBob.
I think it's getting...dark.

- Just put on your siren.
I'll be right there.

- Whee-whoo, whee-whoo.

Whee-whoo, whee-whoo.

[eerie music]

♪ ♪

[gasps]
Whee-whoo!

Whee-whoo!
Whee-whoo!

- Wow, that was one of my
favorite Patrick moments ever.

And it's at number six?

That means the top five
are gonna be awesome.

We're at the final stretch,
so stick around for some

hilarious numbers,
ghostly chants,

and the reveal
of your number one

Patrick Star moment
of all time.

Don't go anywhere
because whee-whoo--

we will be right back.

What up, Star squad?

And welcome back
to "The Patrick Star

Fan Favorites Special."

[together]
Special?

- I'm your host
and number one fan

of all things Patrick Star,

and we are dangerously close
to revealing the number one

Patrick Star scene
that you voted for.

- I'm so close,
I can almost a taste it.

- Now, this next scene
is a classic

and gives us
the number one rule

of being a pirate.

Scream incoherently
into the night.

Oh!

- What a night be this.

Crew, howl with me
so that we might

set the seven seas
ablaze with fear.

[howls]
- Ah!

- Leedle, leedle, leedle, lee.

- [howls]
- Ah!

- Leedle, leedle, leedle, lee.

Loodle, leedle, loodle,

loodle, loodle,
leedle, leedle, ooh.

Oh, lee, ugh, bagh.
[grunting]

- Eh, that'll do.

- Come on now,
tell the class your name.

Don't be nervous.

- Uh...uh...

- We just want
to know your name.

- Uh...I...
Ugh!

Ugh!
24.

[laughter]

- Oh, great.
Another genius.

[laughter]
- [laughs nervously]

Yeah.
Why are they laughing?

- I guess
it's just in the timing.

- Oh.

[laughs]

- Today's first lesson
will be on turning.

- 24.

[laughter]

- Hey, Patrick.
- What?

- I thought of something
funnier than 24.

- Let me hear it.
- 25.

[laughter]

- That's enough!

- [laughs]
See?

Numbers can be fun.

Patrick Star
has so many great moments

that we couldn't even
fit them all in this countdown,

which means before we get
to the top three,

it's time
for some honorable mentions

that I like to call
Patrick's All-Star One Liners.

They're short and funny
like child clowns.

Roll the clip.

- My name is Pat Back.

Liar, liar, plants for hire.

Huh?
Sandy's a girl?

Oh, east?
I thought you said w-east.

Well, maybe it is stupid,
but it's also dumb.

Look at it.
It's ugly, isn't it?

You look at it.
I can't see my forehead.

Are you Squidward?

That's okay.
Take your time.

I got it.
Let's get naked.

Who are you people?

Where's the leak, ma'am?

Dumb people are always
blissfully unaware

of how dumb they really are.
Uh...

- Wow, Patrick really is
the one liner GOAT.

[goat bleats]

But Star squad,
can you believe it?

We're down to the top three

Patrick Star moments
of all time.

I guess time flies when you're
the greatest host ever.

The next scene
is all about jellyfishing,

and I have always wanted
to go jellyfishing,

so I decided to fill my pool
with 3,000 jellyfish

and I'm gonna push
my friend James in with them.

He doesn't know about that yet.

I hope he's not mad.
Here's number three.

- No, no Squid.
Over here.

I know you're eager, but you
don't even have your net.

Patrick, fix him up while I
find him a good specimen.

- Firmly grasp it in your hand.

Huh.

Firmly grasp it.

Firmly grasp it!

- [muffled scream]

- That ought to do it.

- People, people, settle down.

Okay, now, how many of you

have played
musical instruments before?

- Do instruments
of torture count?

- No.
- Is mayonnaise an instrument?

- No, Patrick, mayonnaise
is not an instrument.

Horseradish is not
an instrument either.

[relaxed drumbeat]

- See?
Mayonnaise is an instrument.

And we need
a mayonnaise roll, please.

[drumroll]

Because we've finally reached

the most special
sea star scene,

the pinnacle
of Patrick moments.

your number one vote.

[phone rings]

Excuse me?

Who could be calling
at a time like this?

The suspense is probably
killing you guys.

Hello?
- Is this the Krusty Krab?

- No, this is the greatest
Patrick Star scene of all time.

[triumphant music]

- All you have to do
is answer the phone.

- Aye, aye, Captain.

[relaxed music]

[phone rings]
- Is this the Krusty Krab?

- No, this is Patrick.
[whistles melody]

[phone rings]
- Is this the Krusty Krab?

- No, this is Patrick.

[whistles melody]

[phone rings]
- Is this the Krusty Krab?

- No, this is Patrick!
[grunts]

I am not a crusty crab.

- Uh, Patrick, that's the name
of the restaurant.

- Huh?

- Well, that's it
for "The Patrick Star

Fan Favorite Special."

Hope you had fun celebrating
our favorite pink pal.

As for me, I really got
to get this wumbo belt working

because I accidentally
shrunk my grandpa.

Grandpa?
- Unspeakable!

You put me down right now!
- Yikes!

Grandpa's angry.
I gotta go.

Peace out, Star squad.
I'll see you guys later.