Spider-Man Unlimited (1999–2005): Season 1, Episode 7 - Cry Vulture - full transcript
[John] You're either with us
or against us, webslinger.
What do you say we try
for door number three,
a nice, cozy rocket ship home?
That's not an option.
Look, John John,
there's nothing I'd like better
than to see the Besties
take a nose-dive,
but this isn't our fight.
Then whose is it?
These people need us.
So do a lot of folks back home.
Besides, have you tasted
the hot dogs on this rock?
[choking] No... not again.
-[clears throat]
-[Spider-Man]
Hey, what is it? Hey!
Wow, I guess he has tasted
the hot dogs on this rock.
The last time somebody
ran away from me like that,
she was my date
at the junior prom.
Who am I kidding?
I didn't have a date
for the prom.
[sighs] That ought to do it,
doc. Clean as a whistle.
I wish you'd reconsider
my offer, Phil.
There's always room on the sofa.
And miss out on my stargazing?
Nah, you already do enough
for the folks around here.
I'm afraid
it isn't much tonight.
Mmm! Grilled cheese,
my favorite.
You're a keeper, doc.
Say good night to Shane for me.
[Peter thinking] Of all
the planets in the universe,
I got to get stuck
on this hunk of junk.
If Jameson weren't so pigheaded,
I'd be spending my nights
with Mary Jane,
instead of serving time
in this twilight zone.
It's not like I don't sympathize
with these people, but...
Hey, watch it!
Huh?
[grunting and struggling]
[Peter thinking] That guy didn't
need an ambulance
before it arrived.
Spider sense kicking in.
Oh, no, you don't, buddy boy.
Nothing's getting in my way.
Not this time.
[grunting]
[Theme music playing]
[panting] Way to stay alert,
hotshot.
A poodle could have
ducked that tackle.
[grunts and screams]
Excuse me.
This is no way to treat
a perfectly good grilled cheese.
Bug off, twerp!
Looks like your friends
don't think
much of you, either.
My friends?
I figured they belonged to you.
They aren't fans,
that's for sure.
[grunts]
You may get out of sight,
but not out of mind.
Forget it, bud.
You're in no condition
to travel.
Those bums have been
working this town
like a couple of '49ers,
only the ore they're mining
is human, not gold.
Tonight I finally got
close enough to stop 'em,
and then you came along.
Well, maybe it's
still not too late.
I don't know what your story is,
but do us both a favor
and keep your nose clean.
[Spider-Man] Wait a minute!
Who the heck are you?
I'll tell you this much...
unlike some people,
I ain't no wannabe.
[scoffs] Wannabe?
Who is he calling a-- Aah! Ow!
[door opens]
Uh! I guess porky's blast
got me worse than I thought.
Oh, hiya, sport.
Isn't it past your bedtime?
I thought I heard thunder.
More like a little
late night demolition.
You better get back-- [stutters]
You okay, Peter?
Never been... better.
[scoffs]
Mom, Peter's hurt! Mom!
Uh...
Hey, warn a guy, why don't you?
Pupils look good,
even if their disposition
needs improving.
How's your shoulder?
[exclaims] Better, thanks.
But you didn't have to bother.
I'm a fast healer, remember?
Mom says you got that
in a fight.
And how does Mom know that?
Call it an educated guess.
As a matter of fact,
I got caught by a blaster
last night,
courtesy of a couple
of Besties snatching people
off the street.
They grabbed one guy
right in the middle of
his grilled cheese sandwich.
-Something's happened to Phil?
-Who?
The man who sweeps up for me.
Life's already treated him
badly enough.
We've got to do something.
Oh, there's no one I can call
who cares
what happens to humans.
What are we gonna do?
Don't worry, MJ.
-MJ?
-Uh, sorry, my mistake.
I'm gonna check this out.
I'll call you
as soon as I know anything.
Hey, Mom, if Peter's
shoulder got blasted,
how come his shirt
didn't have any holes in it?
[Spider-Man thinking]
MJ? Sheesh!
Talk about
your Freudian disasters.
I've really got
to get off this rock.
The signal
from my spider tracer's
coming in loud and clear.
Those punk paramedics
are about to get a taste
of their own medicine.
The heat from the engine
must have loosened the adhesive.
So much for my spot
on the Mensa roster.
Time for a little
exploratory surgery.
Not exactly
a friendly little camp out.
No wonder
there's no marshmallows.
Still warm.
They haven't been gone long.
Probably waited here
for a bigger vehicle
to pick them all up.
"Bestial Beauty"?
An oxymoron anyplace
in the universe but here.
Not exactly a name you'd expect
for a condiment company.
Let's see what a swing through
the Yellow pages will find.
[grunts]
Come on, hurry it up!
Uh!
[Spider-Man thinking]
If he's anything like
the security guards on my Earth,
10-to-1, this guy's
working a crossword puzzle.
What's a five-letter word
for piece of cake?
Let me spell it
for you, Einstein. C-I-N-C-H.
That was even easier
than I thought.
At this rate, I may have
Phil back home before--
[Bestie] You got
an appointment, pal?
Hey, he's one of them twerps
from last night. Blast him!
[thinking]
Rule number one, Spidey...
never get too cocky.
Hey, he's one of them twerps
from last night. Blast him!
Anybody know the way
to the little boys' room?
-Aah!
-Oh!
[grunts]
All right, bud,
you've served your purpose.
Now go home before
I have to pull your bacon
out of the fire again.
Believe me,
I wish I could go home.
What do you mean
I served my purpose?
I saw you shoot
what could only be a tracer
at that ambulance last night.
So when I lost them,
I went back and waited for you
to show up and lead the way.
So, which one of us is slicker?
-Me for finding this place...
or you for knowing I would?
-Uh!
Don't push it, buddy boy.
If you were smart,
you'd be happy to be
what you are, human,
instead of tricking yourself out
like a wannabe arachnid.
You think I deliberately
set out to be like this?
No. I know how
unexpected events
change things.
That's why I can't hurt
any more humans.
I grew up in the upper world...
just another privileged brat
with the usual privileged pals.
To my friends,
humans were like bugs.
If they got in your way,
you stepped on 'em
without a second thought.
My buddies didn't know
about Cliff.
He was our housekeeper's son.
We'd been hanging together
since we were babies,
and he was my best friend.
One night, the gang decided
to have a little fun
with humans,
and I went along for the ride.
I had no idea
what they meant to do.
And when I found out...
well, I...
I knew it was wrong...
but I didn't have
the strength of character
to resist.
[people screaming]
[Vulture] I never saw
Cliff again...
but the look on his face
changed my life.
I vowed to do
everything I could
to stop human suffering...
no matter what it took.
A lot of folks feel
strongly about something,
but they don't
take it to the streets.
Wasn't there some kind of
ASPCH you could join?
I tried that,
but the situation needs action,
not newsletters.
Seems to me I've heard
something like that before.
-What do you say we get
to the bottom of all this?
-We?
Don't worry, it won't last.
Working well with others
isn't exactly my strong suit.
Uh?
You, you're next.
Bestial Beauty Cosmetics.
This building's a lab,
with innocent humans
as test subjects.
Entry authorized.
[Vulture] No way in
without a retinal implant.
Leave it to me, bird-man.
I've got just the ticket.
Meet you at the side door
in two minutes.
Not bad for a wannabe, huh?
[computer] Entry authorized.
Please step forward.
[thinking] Side door should be
right around here.
I love it
when they don't look up.
It took you long enough.
[Bestie] Stop right there!
-Don't move!
-Sound the alarm!
Thanks, but I just got a trim.
[grunts]
[Bestie] Security breach!
-[Spider-Man] What the heck--
-I knew I should have
kept working alone.
[Fire Drake] Where do you
insects think you're going?
To fight a kinder, gentler,
and prettier bad guy.
No jokes, buddy boy.
Let's try a little misdirection.
[screaming]
Whoa, big guy.
That's a nasty
case of indigestion.
[grunts]
[grunts]
And then there was one.
At least we know you can count.
I hate when that happens.
[screaming]
Take them
to research and development.
It isn't every day
we get the pleasure
of experimenting on such
interesting specimens.
I'm going to enjoy this.
[Spider-Man]
Just think what it means to us.
[both grunting]
[Fire Drake]
What it means, insect,
is that you'll soon regret
the moment
you ever thought
of going up against Fire Drake.
Actually, I'm pretty clear
on that
without the demonstration.
Thank you.
The master is here.
Ha! The High Evolutionary.
I'd be honored
to meet my creator,
if I didn't already hate him.
Why should he get the credit,
when someone
so much more deserving
does all the work?
Ram-head?
You're behind all this?
We do what we must
to elevate ourselves, yes.
With Fire Drake,
I've created a being
the High Evolutionary
can only dream of.
And as a result of my work here,
there will be many more to come.
Proceed.
[both straining]
Something tells me
we're in for more than a facial.
Unless...
Aah!
Stop them!
[grunts]
Aah!
[Vulture] I've got to free
the rest of the prisoners.
I'll keep heater-breath busy.
[Fire Drake]
Get ready to fry, insect!
[screeching]
And here I figured
you were a low-fat kind of guy.
-[cheering]
-Shh!
Wait a minute,
I only promised
to keep Fire Drake busy.
[grunting]
By the High Evolutionary!
No, Sir Ram, you were right.
You deserve
all the credit for this.
Aah!
[screaming]
Say good night, bird.
There's got to be something
that will put out that fire.
Hey, that's the ticket.
Something like a little
super-cooled liquid nitrogen
for cooling off our hothead.
Hey, Fire Drake,
cure the breath that offends
with Dr. Spider-Man's
prescription for
chronic flaming halitosis.
[scoffs] Wonder if the placebo
would've had the same effect.
[screaming]
There he is, your tormentor!
-Let me at him.
-Tear him limb from limb.
There he is, your tormentor!
-Tear him limb from limb.
-[indistinct talking]
Wait! You don't wanna do this.
After what he did to them,
what better justice is there?
Listen to me, Vulture.
Killing Sir Ram
will only turn all of you
into what he is...
a monster.
Get out of the way!
There are other ways
to win your war,
but this battle's already over.
After what's happened,
Bestial Beauties
is good as out of business.
He's right.
Revenge may sound sweet,
but right now, home sounds
a whole lot better.
[overlapping talk]
You got better
than you deserve, Sir Ram.
Next time,
you may not be so lucky.
Nor you, Cira.
Nice speech, bud,
but in my book,
you're still a wannabe.
Here you go, Phil.
Welcome back.
Doc, it's great to be here.
And this time I'm gonna
finish my grilled cheese.
[screaming]
[growling]
[theme music playing]
or against us, webslinger.
What do you say we try
for door number three,
a nice, cozy rocket ship home?
That's not an option.
Look, John John,
there's nothing I'd like better
than to see the Besties
take a nose-dive,
but this isn't our fight.
Then whose is it?
These people need us.
So do a lot of folks back home.
Besides, have you tasted
the hot dogs on this rock?
[choking] No... not again.
-[clears throat]
-[Spider-Man]
Hey, what is it? Hey!
Wow, I guess he has tasted
the hot dogs on this rock.
The last time somebody
ran away from me like that,
she was my date
at the junior prom.
Who am I kidding?
I didn't have a date
for the prom.
[sighs] That ought to do it,
doc. Clean as a whistle.
I wish you'd reconsider
my offer, Phil.
There's always room on the sofa.
And miss out on my stargazing?
Nah, you already do enough
for the folks around here.
I'm afraid
it isn't much tonight.
Mmm! Grilled cheese,
my favorite.
You're a keeper, doc.
Say good night to Shane for me.
[Peter thinking] Of all
the planets in the universe,
I got to get stuck
on this hunk of junk.
If Jameson weren't so pigheaded,
I'd be spending my nights
with Mary Jane,
instead of serving time
in this twilight zone.
It's not like I don't sympathize
with these people, but...
Hey, watch it!
Huh?
[grunting and struggling]
[Peter thinking] That guy didn't
need an ambulance
before it arrived.
Spider sense kicking in.
Oh, no, you don't, buddy boy.
Nothing's getting in my way.
Not this time.
[grunting]
[Theme music playing]
[panting] Way to stay alert,
hotshot.
A poodle could have
ducked that tackle.
[grunts and screams]
Excuse me.
This is no way to treat
a perfectly good grilled cheese.
Bug off, twerp!
Looks like your friends
don't think
much of you, either.
My friends?
I figured they belonged to you.
They aren't fans,
that's for sure.
[grunts]
You may get out of sight,
but not out of mind.
Forget it, bud.
You're in no condition
to travel.
Those bums have been
working this town
like a couple of '49ers,
only the ore they're mining
is human, not gold.
Tonight I finally got
close enough to stop 'em,
and then you came along.
Well, maybe it's
still not too late.
I don't know what your story is,
but do us both a favor
and keep your nose clean.
[Spider-Man] Wait a minute!
Who the heck are you?
I'll tell you this much...
unlike some people,
I ain't no wannabe.
[scoffs] Wannabe?
Who is he calling a-- Aah! Ow!
[door opens]
Uh! I guess porky's blast
got me worse than I thought.
Oh, hiya, sport.
Isn't it past your bedtime?
I thought I heard thunder.
More like a little
late night demolition.
You better get back-- [stutters]
You okay, Peter?
Never been... better.
[scoffs]
Mom, Peter's hurt! Mom!
Uh...
Hey, warn a guy, why don't you?
Pupils look good,
even if their disposition
needs improving.
How's your shoulder?
[exclaims] Better, thanks.
But you didn't have to bother.
I'm a fast healer, remember?
Mom says you got that
in a fight.
And how does Mom know that?
Call it an educated guess.
As a matter of fact,
I got caught by a blaster
last night,
courtesy of a couple
of Besties snatching people
off the street.
They grabbed one guy
right in the middle of
his grilled cheese sandwich.
-Something's happened to Phil?
-Who?
The man who sweeps up for me.
Life's already treated him
badly enough.
We've got to do something.
Oh, there's no one I can call
who cares
what happens to humans.
What are we gonna do?
Don't worry, MJ.
-MJ?
-Uh, sorry, my mistake.
I'm gonna check this out.
I'll call you
as soon as I know anything.
Hey, Mom, if Peter's
shoulder got blasted,
how come his shirt
didn't have any holes in it?
[Spider-Man thinking]
MJ? Sheesh!
Talk about
your Freudian disasters.
I've really got
to get off this rock.
The signal
from my spider tracer's
coming in loud and clear.
Those punk paramedics
are about to get a taste
of their own medicine.
The heat from the engine
must have loosened the adhesive.
So much for my spot
on the Mensa roster.
Time for a little
exploratory surgery.
Not exactly
a friendly little camp out.
No wonder
there's no marshmallows.
Still warm.
They haven't been gone long.
Probably waited here
for a bigger vehicle
to pick them all up.
"Bestial Beauty"?
An oxymoron anyplace
in the universe but here.
Not exactly a name you'd expect
for a condiment company.
Let's see what a swing through
the Yellow pages will find.
[grunts]
Come on, hurry it up!
Uh!
[Spider-Man thinking]
If he's anything like
the security guards on my Earth,
10-to-1, this guy's
working a crossword puzzle.
What's a five-letter word
for piece of cake?
Let me spell it
for you, Einstein. C-I-N-C-H.
That was even easier
than I thought.
At this rate, I may have
Phil back home before--
[Bestie] You got
an appointment, pal?
Hey, he's one of them twerps
from last night. Blast him!
[thinking]
Rule number one, Spidey...
never get too cocky.
Hey, he's one of them twerps
from last night. Blast him!
Anybody know the way
to the little boys' room?
-Aah!
-Oh!
[grunts]
All right, bud,
you've served your purpose.
Now go home before
I have to pull your bacon
out of the fire again.
Believe me,
I wish I could go home.
What do you mean
I served my purpose?
I saw you shoot
what could only be a tracer
at that ambulance last night.
So when I lost them,
I went back and waited for you
to show up and lead the way.
So, which one of us is slicker?
-Me for finding this place...
or you for knowing I would?
-Uh!
Don't push it, buddy boy.
If you were smart,
you'd be happy to be
what you are, human,
instead of tricking yourself out
like a wannabe arachnid.
You think I deliberately
set out to be like this?
No. I know how
unexpected events
change things.
That's why I can't hurt
any more humans.
I grew up in the upper world...
just another privileged brat
with the usual privileged pals.
To my friends,
humans were like bugs.
If they got in your way,
you stepped on 'em
without a second thought.
My buddies didn't know
about Cliff.
He was our housekeeper's son.
We'd been hanging together
since we were babies,
and he was my best friend.
One night, the gang decided
to have a little fun
with humans,
and I went along for the ride.
I had no idea
what they meant to do.
And when I found out...
well, I...
I knew it was wrong...
but I didn't have
the strength of character
to resist.
[people screaming]
[Vulture] I never saw
Cliff again...
but the look on his face
changed my life.
I vowed to do
everything I could
to stop human suffering...
no matter what it took.
A lot of folks feel
strongly about something,
but they don't
take it to the streets.
Wasn't there some kind of
ASPCH you could join?
I tried that,
but the situation needs action,
not newsletters.
Seems to me I've heard
something like that before.
-What do you say we get
to the bottom of all this?
-We?
Don't worry, it won't last.
Working well with others
isn't exactly my strong suit.
Uh?
You, you're next.
Bestial Beauty Cosmetics.
This building's a lab,
with innocent humans
as test subjects.
Entry authorized.
[Vulture] No way in
without a retinal implant.
Leave it to me, bird-man.
I've got just the ticket.
Meet you at the side door
in two minutes.
Not bad for a wannabe, huh?
[computer] Entry authorized.
Please step forward.
[thinking] Side door should be
right around here.
I love it
when they don't look up.
It took you long enough.
[Bestie] Stop right there!
-Don't move!
-Sound the alarm!
Thanks, but I just got a trim.
[grunts]
[Bestie] Security breach!
-[Spider-Man] What the heck--
-I knew I should have
kept working alone.
[Fire Drake] Where do you
insects think you're going?
To fight a kinder, gentler,
and prettier bad guy.
No jokes, buddy boy.
Let's try a little misdirection.
[screaming]
Whoa, big guy.
That's a nasty
case of indigestion.
[grunts]
[grunts]
And then there was one.
At least we know you can count.
I hate when that happens.
[screaming]
Take them
to research and development.
It isn't every day
we get the pleasure
of experimenting on such
interesting specimens.
I'm going to enjoy this.
[Spider-Man]
Just think what it means to us.
[both grunting]
[Fire Drake]
What it means, insect,
is that you'll soon regret
the moment
you ever thought
of going up against Fire Drake.
Actually, I'm pretty clear
on that
without the demonstration.
Thank you.
The master is here.
Ha! The High Evolutionary.
I'd be honored
to meet my creator,
if I didn't already hate him.
Why should he get the credit,
when someone
so much more deserving
does all the work?
Ram-head?
You're behind all this?
We do what we must
to elevate ourselves, yes.
With Fire Drake,
I've created a being
the High Evolutionary
can only dream of.
And as a result of my work here,
there will be many more to come.
Proceed.
[both straining]
Something tells me
we're in for more than a facial.
Unless...
Aah!
Stop them!
[grunts]
Aah!
[Vulture] I've got to free
the rest of the prisoners.
I'll keep heater-breath busy.
[Fire Drake]
Get ready to fry, insect!
[screeching]
And here I figured
you were a low-fat kind of guy.
-[cheering]
-Shh!
Wait a minute,
I only promised
to keep Fire Drake busy.
[grunting]
By the High Evolutionary!
No, Sir Ram, you were right.
You deserve
all the credit for this.
Aah!
[screaming]
Say good night, bird.
There's got to be something
that will put out that fire.
Hey, that's the ticket.
Something like a little
super-cooled liquid nitrogen
for cooling off our hothead.
Hey, Fire Drake,
cure the breath that offends
with Dr. Spider-Man's
prescription for
chronic flaming halitosis.
[scoffs] Wonder if the placebo
would've had the same effect.
[screaming]
There he is, your tormentor!
-Let me at him.
-Tear him limb from limb.
There he is, your tormentor!
-Tear him limb from limb.
-[indistinct talking]
Wait! You don't wanna do this.
After what he did to them,
what better justice is there?
Listen to me, Vulture.
Killing Sir Ram
will only turn all of you
into what he is...
a monster.
Get out of the way!
There are other ways
to win your war,
but this battle's already over.
After what's happened,
Bestial Beauties
is good as out of business.
He's right.
Revenge may sound sweet,
but right now, home sounds
a whole lot better.
[overlapping talk]
You got better
than you deserve, Sir Ram.
Next time,
you may not be so lucky.
Nor you, Cira.
Nice speech, bud,
but in my book,
you're still a wannabe.
Here you go, Phil.
Welcome back.
Doc, it's great to be here.
And this time I'm gonna
finish my grilled cheese.
[screaming]
[growling]
[theme music playing]