South Park (1997–…): Season 10, Episode 2 - Smug Alert! - full transcript

Hey there, Richard!

Oh, hey Gerald.
New car?

Yeah. It's a hybrid.

I just... I just couldn't sit back and be a
part of destroying the earth anymore.

Well... Good for you.

Oho... Thaanks.

Well, there goes the new high-and-mighty
Gerald Broflovski.

Yeah, ever since he got that new hybrid
he thinks he's better than everyone else.

You know, the emissions from a vehicle like
yours causes irreparable damage to the ozone.

I drive a hybrid,
it's much better for the environment.

Thaaanks.



Dad, can we go home? All you ever do since you
got this car is drive around and show it off!

Hey, is that a hybrid?

Oh yes. You've got one too, I see.

Yeah, I like to be a part of the soluuution
and not part of the probluuhm.

Well, anyway, good for you!

Thaaanks.

Dad, I think Ike is starving to death.

Hold on, boys.
We still have to go to the hardware store

and hand out awareness citations
to SUV cars in the parking lot.

What?!

Okay, there's another one.

Aw, man! Look at that!

Can you believe this?!

An SUV with a V8 engine, makes me sick!



"Ticket for driving a gas-guzzler."

Dad, can we go home, please?

Look, there's a Jeep over there!
Go write them a ticket, Kyle!

But Dad, I want-
- Now, Kyle!

Oh hey Kyle.
- Aw, hey dude. What are you doing here?

Helping my Dad pick out some cool
new power tools. What are you doing?

Helping my Dad give people fake tickets.

What's this?

Oh! Sorry Randy. Looks like you got a ticket.

A ticket?

"Failure to care about the environment."

Oh Goddamnit, did you do this, Gerald?!

Yeah. I'm just, you know, trying to make
people more aware you know, it's a-

You got some nerve, you know that?!
Where do you come off ticketing people?!

Well, Randy, calm down.
It's not a real ticket.

I know it's not a real ticket!!

Broflovski, did you put
this crap on my windshield?!

Jimbo, your truck probably gets
less than ten miles to the gallon.

Well thanks, Officer Dickhole!

Dad, let's just go!

Look, I'm just trying to make the people of
South Park aware of a very serious problem.

The problem, Gerald,
is that ever since you got a hybrid car,

you've gotten so smug that
you love the smell of your own farts!

Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't think it was
"high and mighty" to care about the earth!

And that too! Stop talking with your
eyes closed! That's what smug people do!

Well, I really don't see how
that has anything to do with the-

There, like that! Stop that!

Who the hell put this faggy
fake ticket on my truck!

All right, that does it!

Come on, Kyle, I don't want you hanging
around with these ignorant idiots!

Yeah. Yeah, I think it's best
we just do it right away.

Dad.

Dad, Ike and I have been talking, and well,
we feel that your new car is changing you.

Yes, it certainly is.

We're thinking that a lot of people
in town starting tooo...

Take offense.

...are starting to take
offense at your actions.

We feel like you're starting to becuhhhm...

Alienated.

...star-starting to become alienated
from some of your friends.

Well, I totally agree, Kyle.

You do?
- Yes.

A lot of people in town just
aren't ready to drive hybrid cars.

Right!
Okay, good.

And that's why, I've talked it over
with your mother, and

...we've decided to move!

What?!

We need to be where everyone is motivated
and progressive like us!

Start getting your things packed, boys!
The Broflovksi family is moving to San Francisco!

Yeah?

Uh hay, Stan. Uh you should come on over.
Uh they're havin' a goin'-away party for Kyle.

Going away party?
What do you mean?

Well don't you know?
Kyle's movin' away.

Moving away?
Kyle can't move away!

Well he is.
- Where's the going-away party?

At Cartman's house.

Hey everybody!
There's more pop in the refrigerator.

Let's make this the best going-away party ever!

Hey Eric, where is Kyle?

Who?

Kyle, the person leaving.

Kyle? Why would I invite Kyle?

Dude, a going-away party is suppose
to be for the person who is going away!

Kyle? Kyle!

Kyle's not here.
Cartman didn't invite him.

What?!

You guys, this is our party. That no-good
back-stabbing Jew rat is finally leaving!

Come on, everyone! Let's sing!
Nanana na!

Nanana na!
Hey hey hey!

Goodbye Kyle!

Kyle! Dude what is going on?!

My Dad says he can't live here anymore.

Mr. Broflovski, please.
Kyle's my best friend.

I'm sorry, Stan, but unfortunately you live in a
small-minded town filled with ignorant boobs.

Well... Maybe they'll change.

I wouldn't count on it.

Come on, boys, get in the car!

No!

Maybe you can make a difference, Stan.
Maybe you can get everyone to drive hybrid cars.

Until that day, we're just gonna
have to be with our own kind.

I will. I will get everyone to
drive hybrid cars! I swear it!

Well? What do you think, huh?

Oh Gerald, it's beau-tiful.

Yeah. Now this, is a house.

Oh hello there, you must be the new neighbors.

Yes that's right. We're the Broflovskis.

Welcome to San Francisco.
I'm Peter Thompson.

This is my wife, Nancy Jarvis
and our son, Brian Thompson-Jarvis.

So how do you like the neighborhood?

Oh it's gorgeous.
These old houses are so neat.

Yes, well, unlike most cities

in San Francisco we try to keep all the
historic houses instead of knocking them down.

You in here, Peter?

Oh hay, Paul.
Come on in and meet the Broflovskis.

Hello there. I'm Paul McDonahue.

This is my wife, Paulie Beaumont-McCallahan

and our daughter,
Mindy McDonahue-Beaumont-McCallahan.

Hello.

We noticed your hybrid out front,
that's a V series, right?

Yeah. That's right.

Whoa, nice car, but we're gonna
have to get you into the BT series.

Its emissions are actually cleaner.

Wow, so, everyone here drives a hybrid, huh?

Oh, of course. We're a little more progressive
and ahead of the curve here in San Franciso.

Ahhhm.

Anyway, I'm sure you'll
find it much better here.

Yes, you'll find that San Francisco is pretty much
more open-minded and grown-up than the Midwest.

Ahhh, ahh.

We're just a little bit more protective of
our environment here in San Francisco.

Yeah. We sure are.

Come on, people. Come on, people now.

Dude, what are you doing?

I'm writing a song about
the importance of hybrid cars

so maybe people will change their ways.

That's gay, heh.

Well if I have any chance of getting Kyle back.
I have to get people to stop driving SUVs!

Why do you want Kyle back?
Don't you see how awesome it is without him?

You know, Cartman,
you may be stoked now

but I bet you're gonna find that
without Kyle around to rip on

your life is empty, and hollow.

Psh! Whatever dude.
I don't need Kyle to rip on, I've got Butters.

Come on, Butters, you stupid Jew!

Yeah! I'm a dumb Jew.

Come on, people. Come on, people now.

All right, all you dreamers and creamers
out there out there in South Park

I'm gonna play a song by a local artist that
really made me think about my impact on the earth.

This is Stan Marsh with "Hey, People,
You've Gotta Drive Hybrids Already"

Come on now, people now people now

People now, come on now, people now

Got to drive hybrids, people now

People now, people now, people now

Hybrids are for people now, people now

Group of people driving people now

Get a hybrid, be good people now.

He's right.

We have all got to be people now

People-driving-hybrid people now

People now, people now, hybrid now

Hybrid-people-driving people now.

Come on, people, let's be people now

Hybrid-people-driving people now

Come on, everybody be people now.

Hey Jimbo, you got a hybrid too?

Yeah, I just wanted to try
to set an example, you know?

Yeah, I guess it's up to us to show
everyone the way. Good for you!

Thaaanks.

Can you believe some people
still don't drive hybrids?

I know! It's like "Earth to America? Hello?
This is simple stuff here. Gawl"

Well from now on, I'm only going to
associate with other hybride-car drivers.

Everyone else is just ignorant, m'kay?

Good for you!

Thaaanks!

At least we're smart enough to know better!

Thaaanks!

Come on, everybody be people now.

And so we are here to honor Stan Marsh

for making South Park the city with the highest
percentage of hybrid owners in the country!

If only the rest of the country
was as insightful as we are.

Ah, thanks.

I was really just trying to make it
so my friend can move back here so...

if you don't mind,
I'm gonna try to get a hold of him now.

Great speech!

Yeah, well, you know my son is just
a little bit more clever than some.

Hello there, I'm Ranger McFriendly.

I'm the person who watches over
the delicate ecosystem of South Park.

You must be the little boy who wrote that song.

Yeah.

You son of a bitch!
Do you have any idea what you've done?!

What?!

Come with me!

There! Look!

Smog? There's never been
smog over South Park before.

Don't you get it?!

When people drive hybrid cars

they get so full of themselves they spew
tons of self-satisfied garbage into the air!

That isn't smog, it's smug!

Smug?

Hybrid cars make better for emission levels

but people who drive hybrid cars
are the leading cause of smug.

You can have smug in the atmosphere
and you know what that leads to?

Global laming!

Thanks to your gay little song, South Park is
now the secong smuggiest city in America!

This is a South Park News Weather Bulletin!

It looks like we have
a smug alert here in South Park.

Our own Keenan Williams has the details.
Keenan?

Thanks, Tom, a smug alert is in
effect at least tomorrow morning.

All those hybrid cars on the
road have caused heavy smug

to develop over most of Park
and Jefferson Counties.

On the national map

we can see smug over Denver
and developing smug in Los Angeles.

However, San Francisco is once again
the smuggiest city in the country.

A smuggy day in San Francisco town.

Sheila, did you meet Gail and Brian, yet?

No! Hello, how are you?

Really good, really good.

Hey there. Alan, right?

Actually, it's Alain.

Right right, w-would,
would you like red or white wine?

Can I just get an empty glass?

Oh. Sure.

Can you believe all these imbecils in Texas?

They just put another prisoner to death.

So...

what do you do for fun?

We drink and take drugs.

You want some acid?

Oh, no thanks. We don't do that stuff.

You will. There's a reason most
San Francisco kids take a lot of drugs.

It's the only thing that allows
us to deal with our parents

all walking around loving the smell
of their own farts all the time.

Everthing okay in here, Kyle?

Yeah, fine, Dad.

So much better here with
the intellectuals, isn't it, boys?

Mmmm.

Well... maybe I'll take just half a hit of acid.

I want three.

No, no, I'm asking if there's a listing
for Broflovski in San Francisco!

They just moved there!

Haha! Take that, Jew boy! I guess you Heebs
can't even play video football!

Yeah. You're right.

You know Butters, you make for a lousy Jew.

Well I'm sorry. Well it shows that
I'm not Jewish, and now th-

No, no! Don't apologize, you asshole!

Marsh!

Oh crap, Ranger McFriendly.

Who?

You'd better come with me to the news station!
Our situation just got a lot worse!

noticed it on the computer this morning.
Look here.

This is the smug over South Park.
It's... getting bigger and gaining strength.

The smug?

The smug is getting so massive
that it's moving west...

and fusing with the San Francisco smug...
Here.

These two smug clouds are
combining, fueling each other.

Now take a look at this.

What is that?

It's the smug from George Clooney's
acceptance speech at the Academy Awards.

George Clooney's acceptance speech?

Did you hear it?

He talked about how people in Hollywood
are ahead of the curve on social mattes.

He even took credit for
the Civil Rights movement -Look!

The point is...

the smug from his acceptance speech has
been slowly drifting north since he gave it...

and is headed straight for the supercell.

The South Park and San Francisco
smug is already at critical mass.

If it gets hit by George Clooney's
acceptance speech

it will be a disaster of epic proportions.

The perfect storm... of self-satisfaction.

We've got to tell the townspeople!

South Park still has a chance
to make it through the storm!

What about San Francisco?

Kid, thanks to your gay little song,
there's not gonna be a San Francisco.

Soo, that's it people.

When the smug from George Clooney's speech
hits the San Francisco and South Park smug

we're gonna witness a storm the
likes of which we've never seen.

Are you trying to tell us the smug from
our hybrids is actually gonna kill us all?

If the smug clouds remain
the way they are, yes.

This is all Stan's fault!

He wrote that gay little song and
got us to drive those damned hybrids!

Yeah. Good going, stupid!

Listen! Though we all agree this is Stan's
fault, there is still something we can do.

If we all work together to reduce smugness

we might be able to lessen the effects of
the storm, at least here in our own town.

Then that's it.
There's only one way to reduce smugness.

We've gotta destroy every hybrid car in town!

Everyone get your hybrid and meet at Dawson's!

Hey, where do you think you're going?!

I'm gonna try and warn Kyle
to get out of San Francisco.

Oh no you're not!

Your gay little song got us to drive hybrids,
you're gonna help us get rid of 'em!

How long do we have until
the smug clouds collide?

Not long.

The smug from George Clooney's Academy Awards
Acceptance Speech has already crossed into Arizona.

The hell is that?

"Oscar winner, George Clooney, sexiest man alive"

Wow, Eric.
You sure are a great guy for doing this.

I don't have a choice.

Somebody has to get into San Francisco and warn
Kyle's family to get out before the storm hits.

But... how come we can't
just take the bus on into the city?

You don't know San Francisco, Butters.

It was the breeding ground for
the hippie movement in the 60s.

Those hard-core liberals, lesbian activists
and diehard modern hippies young and old.

I swore I would never set foot in San Francisco.

God help me.

All right, Butters,
I'll be tethered to you through this cord.

It's my only lifeline,
so make sure it stays taut.

If you stop hearing my voice,
for the love of Christ

start reeling me in with all your strength.

I will. You're really great for
going to warn Kyle, Eric.

I'm not doin' it for Kyle.

I can't believe I'm actually going
to walk through San Francisco.

Well, here it goes.

All right. All right,
now get it into the masher! Hurry up!

Can't somebody else opeate this?
I can't really reach.

Well then you shouldn't have written
that gay little song, shouldn't you have?!

Keenan, we've gotten rid of half
the hybrid cars! How are the smug levels?!

They're dropping, slowly,
but... but we're running out of time!

Yeah, it's like, San Francisco is more
of a European city, like Paris or Milan.

Butters, are you there?!
- I'm here, Eric.

I've started to enter the smug. I'm about a
quarter mile in. Can you give me an EL?

You must be nearing Union Square.
Did you see a fountain to your left?

Yes. It's just beyond yet
another wine and cheese store.

Wait, uhh, eh take your next right.
You've got to start heading west.

Turning right at O two four niner.

That's it. That's that the last one.

Keenan?
Keenan, we've smashed the last hybrid!

Harry, the smug from Clooney's speech
is about to hit the other smug system!

Get everyone inside!

God help us.

Butters?! Butters, I think I'm here!
2419 Castillo?!

That's it! Eric, hurry!
Somethin's goin' on out here!

Mr. Broflovski! Mr. Broflovski,
there a smug storm! We have to go!

Being smug is a good thing.

Oh my Christ!

Kyle? Kyle!

The acid.
Dude, I'm totally tripping balls.

I'm totally tripping balls.

I'm totally tripping balls.

We have to get out of here!
Now!

Kyle!

Kyle!

And now, the worst appears to be over.

Last night's smug storm...
has left thousands homeless.

All across the Midwest,
people are picking up the pieces.

Cities like Denver and South Lake
are heavily damaged

but still all right.

However, San Francisco, I'm afraid...

has disappeared completely up its own asshole.

No.

I'm sorry, Stan.

I'm sorry your gay little
song killed your friend.

Hey! Hey, Stan! You're not gonna believe it!

You've gotta come see.

What?
- It's a miracle!

Kyle!

Hey Stan.
- Dude, what happened?

We don't know. We were all passed out and...

next thing we know we just
woke up on a bus heading here.

It's like you had a guardian angel, m'kay?

Dude, I'm so glad you're not dead.

So I guess there's nothing
left to do now but... rebuild.

Yeah. First off, we're all gonna need new cars.

And let's make sure nobody
gets a stupid hybrid, right?

No! Hybrid cars are a good thing!

But hybrid cars are the
leading cause of smug, m'kay?

Hybrid cars don't cause smugness, people do.

Look, hybrid cars are important.
They may even save our planet one day.

What you all need to do is just learn
to drive hybrids and not be smug about it.

You mean...

drive in hybrids... but not act like we're
better than everyone else because of it.

Yeah!

I'm...
I'm not ready...

I don't think I can do it either.

It's simply asking too much.

Perhaps... one day... we can learn to drive
hybrids without being smug about it.

But for now...
the technology is just too much for us.

Come on, everybody!
Let's go buy wasterful gas guzzlers!

Well, looks like you're
back for good, huh Kyle?

Yeah, I guess so.

We just can't get rid of you, can we,
you sneaky Jew rat!

Don't belitle my people, you fucking fatass!

Ah, that's better.