Some Assembly Required (2014–2016): Season 2, Episode 18 - Taste Buds - full transcript

♪ Here we go ♪

Previously,
on Some Assembly Required...

Bowie, I don't love you.

Yeah, you do.

You said it yourself.

The guy you're into
is smart, cool, and handsome.

Who else could you possibly
be talking about?

Fine. It is you.
Can I go now?

What's your rush,
Snugglepumpkin?

Hey, Piper.

That skirt
looks really good on you.



I think,
because I'm dating Bowie,

for the first time,

Jarvis sees me
as girlfriend material.

Sorry, babe.
We're breaking up.

Why won't you
go out with me?

Because...

And he would kill me
if he knew I told you...

Jarvis is in love with you.

Woo-hoo!

I feel bad
making that Jarvis thing up,

but I had to
do something

to get her
off my back.

[whistling cheerfully]

Good morning, Mrs. Bubkes!



What a colourful
babushka.

It's as bright
as this beautiful day.

Good morning,

person I see every day
and don't really know!

Good morning, Geneva!

Since it's before noon,
I know you're not there.

[phone rings]

But that doesn't bother me.

Because today is perfect.

[ringing]

[Jarvis]: There's
my little cupcake!

Ooh!
Are we doing nicknames already?

I'm here,
sweet-stuff.

Cupcake-cuddle?

[audience laughing]

What's going on?

What's going on is we're trying
to rehearse for a parade.

And you're raining on it.

A dark, depressing,
cold, lifeless rain.

Knickknack's been

invited to appear in
the Celebration of Toys Parade

as our characters

Sweetie and Sprinkle,
the Taste Buds.

As you know,

the Taste Buds
are best friends.

So I figured
I'd play the boy friend

and I needed someone
to be the girl friend.

And you picked Geneva?

Yeah.
Who else would I pick?

Well, isn't there someone else
you'd want to be your Sweetie?

Of course there is.

But I need Aster to choreograph
the dance number.

Oh. Okay.

I'll see you later,
though, right?

Absolutely.

The parade route

goes right past
the Knickknack building.

[laughter]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Buckle up ♪

♪ And hold on tight ♪

♪ You and me
on a wild ride ♪

♪ We're gonna own it
and change the game ♪

♪ Together we'll make it
all the way ♪

♪ Through all the ups
and all the downs, downs ♪

♪ We'll always find our way
around ♪

♪ So here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪

♪ Here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪

♪ Yeah, here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪

♪ You got me ♪

♪ I got you ♪

♪ Here we go ♪♪

Bowie, you know how

you told me
Jarvis loves me?

I did?

That doesn't sound
like something I'd say.

Yes, it does.

It sounds exactly
like something you'd say.

Because you said it.

Well, if I said it,
it must be true.

Because I always
tell the truth.

Anyway, can we talk
about this later?

I'm late for a flight,
and the plane

can't take off
without its pilot.

I don't get it.

Jarvis has had
plenty of opportunities

to tell me how
he feels about me,

and he never does.

So? Who cares?

I do! Since the day we met,

I've been kind of, sort of,
a little...

madly in love with him.

Really? I didn't
know you liked Jarvis.

Or any guy.

Or any person.

Or any living thing.

Except for me, of course.

But girls love pilots.

Especially one
who's a war hero.

[laughter]

I was never in love
with you, Bowie.

That was just a trick

to make Jarvis see me
as girlfriend material.

So you lied?

What kind of person
does that?

Anyway, got to go.
They're naming a park after me.

I died
defending this great country.

But if Jarvis loves me,
why won't he say anything?

[troubled sigh] Okay.

The truth is...

Jarvis is really shy.

So shy, in fact,

that you should never expect him
to say anything about this.

Ever.

Jarvis is shy?

Super, incredibly,
unbearably shy.

I can't wait to do
the cupcake can-can

in front of
thousands of people!

[♪♪♪]

Oops. Almost forgot my helmet.

I can't see.

Awesome!

No one else
is crazy enough to do this.

[whump]
[thud]

Sorry, dude.

[♪♪♪]

Couldn't see
what just happened, dude,

but it sounded like
you took your helmet off.

I better take mine off, too.

[♪♪♪]

Whoa! You're
a girl-dude, dude!

I haven't
seen you before.

'Cause I had my helmet
over my eyes.

Are you from
around here?

[speaking foreign language]

...From Meeskatania.

[laughter]

Okay, I figured out
what I need to do

about Jarvis being too shy
to tell me how he feels.

Forget the whole thing

and live out the rest
of your days sad and alone?

Perfect!

No. I'm going to tell Jarvis
I know he's in love with me.

You can't do that.

I get it.

You don't want Jarvis to know

you're the one
who gave away his secret.

But don't worry,

I won't tell him
I talked to you.

I won't tell anyone
I talked to you.

Like always.

I can't wait until
this is all out in the open.

It's going to be
a dream come true.

Yeah, the dream
where Piper tells Jarvis

she knows he's in love with her

even though he isn't,

because I made
the whole thing up.

Wow. My dreams
are really no different

than what happens
when I'm awake.

[gasp-snort]

Bowie,
you fell asleep

in the middle
of our conversation.

Anyway, I'm gonna tell Jarvis
I know he's in love with me.

It's going to be
a dream come true.

[♪♪♪]

Mrs. Bubkes, I need
to ask you something...

-Okay.
-...About Meeskatania.

No way!
[slam]

[as Candace]:
Knox is on to me!

I didn't think
Knox was on to anything.

I've got to find a way
to sneak past him.

[shed rumbles]

Mrs. Bubkes...

your shed is trying
to get away!

Before it does,
I need your help.

I met an amazing girl.

Her name is Tsouris.

And she's from Meeskatania,
just like you!

[shed thuds]

[speaks Meeskatanian]

You think Bubkes
Meeskatanian?

Yeah, of course
you're Meeskatanian.

Whew.

That's why
I want your help.

I want to impress this girl,

so I want you to teach me
the ways of Meeskatanian love.

Uh... sure.

Look over there.

[slam]

[shed rumbles]

[♪♪♪]

Hey, Sweetie!

You know
what the best part

about being
a cupcake is?

What's that, Sprinkle?

Icing!

Don't you mean... "we sing?"

[jaunty tune plays]

♪ We're the Taste Buds
Here's our recipe ♪

♪ A cup of smiles
And a pinch of glee-ee ♪

♪ Mix in some joy
And then right after ♪

♪ Add giggles and fun
And a whole lot of laughter ♪

♪ Do this every day ♪

♪ And you'll soon be ♪

♪ A happy little cupcake ♪

♪ Just like me! ♪

[♪♪♪]

[audience laughing]

Great job, guys.

You didn't just show us
how to bake,

you showed us how to butcher...

my choreography!

Okay, I'm going
to talk to Jarvis.

You can't!

He's busy rehearsing.

Then he's got the parade...

and college, marriage,
kids, grandkids,

and ultimately death.

Wait! Don't you
want a snack first?

You can't spill your guts
on an empty stomach!

[wham!]

[poofy thud]

Geneva!
Are you all right?

Can you still sing
in the parade?

[nasally]:
I don't see why not.

♪ A cup of smiles
And a pinch of glee-ee ♪

The parade!

A long, slow parade route
right next to Jarvis

is the perfect chance

to tell him
I know he loves me.

I'll take Geneva's place!

I can be your Sweetie.

You? No way!
Geneva's fine.

Why is everything mo-oo-oving?

Are we in the parade already?

[thud]

Okay.

Time to help me
prepare for my date.

I'll be me.

You be a young, pretty,
Meeskatanian girl.

[♪♪♪]

No, I said
I'll be me.

Hello there, Tsouris.

[speaks Meeskatanian]

...Knox. Allo.

I brought you
some flowers.

Ooh...

[whap!]

[speaks Meeskatanian]

...No flowers.

[speaks Meeskatanian]

...Venomous cobras!

A bouquet
of venomous cobras?

How romantic!

How about my cologne?
You think she'll like it?

[sniffing]

No.

[speaks Meeskatanian]
...Rotten eggs.

Meeskatanian girls

like a guy who smells
like rotten eggs?

But I don't smell
like rotten eggs.

[splat!]

Never mind!

I do!

[laughter]

Wow, Piper.

You make
a great Sweetie.

So do you.

I'm Sprinkle.
Not Sweetie.

Well, I thought
we could talk about that

during the parade.

When does it start?

[engine roars]

I think now!

What's going on?

What kind of idiot
is driving this thing?

I'm pretty good

for a guy who's never
had a driving lesson.

Oops! Almost forgot my helmet.

Mrs. Bubkes,

I followed all your
advice with Tsouris.

Aww...[speaks Meeskatanian]

...Tough luck.

No!

She loved everything.

She did?

Yeah! She was
so impressed,

she showed me
her pampushkies.

Which,
as you know,

are traditional
Meeskatanian puff pastries.

I wanted to thank you,

so I got you
a little something.

[hissing]
-Wah!

[whoosh]

[slam]

Anyway...

Tsouris and I are
having a dinner date

right here on the roof.

The problem is,

I told her I speak
fluent Meeskatanian,

and then I ran away

before ever having
to actually speak

any fluent Meeskatanian.

If she finds out,

I'll never enjoy
her pampushkies again!

[speaks Meeskatanian]

...Meeskatanian
impossible to learn!

Trust me.

Sounds like a really
tough language.

I mean,
it seems to change

every time
I hear you speak it.

But I have a plan.

Have you ever
read the play

Cyrano de Bergerac?

Neither have I.

I was hoping you would
help me with my homework.

Anyway, back to
my date with Tsouris.

What if
I wear an earpiece

and you just
tell me what to say

over the phone in clear,
perfect Meeskatanian?

Uh... no.

I know what
you're worried about,

but she won't find out
if you hide in here.

[hissing]

You should really
put those in water.

Or some kind of
reinforced sack.

[♪♪♪]

[horns blaring]

I don't understand why
we're moving so fast!

I don't understand
why we're moving so slowly.

[horns honking]

Because I know!

[grunting]

I know that...

-Whoa!
-...You're in love with me.

Jarvis?

Wow, it's true...

Guys disappear
when you talk about feelings.

[horns blaring]

Bowie!

Oh, hey, Jarvis.
How's it going?

Too fast! That's
how it's going!

I'm glad
you dropped by.

I was wondering
what you and Piper

were talking about
up there.

Maybe you could
fill me in?

Why is Jarvis dangling
off the side of the float?

That is not part
of the choreography!

How about
Piper barfing?

Is that part
of the choreography?

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Jarvis,
thank goodness!

How'd you get the driver
to slow down?

I just talked
to him reasonably,

and since it was Bowie,
I also punched him in the neck.

At least we can
finally be Taste Buds!

[crowd cheering]

Jarvis...

I've been trying
to tell you something.

I know how you feel.

A combination
of nauseous and relieved

that I didn't fall
to my death?

Not about that.

I know that you...

Whoa!

Bowie? What
are you doing?

Stopping you from making

the biggest mistake
of your life!

I'm sorry, Piper,

but Jarvis
doesn't love you.

What?

I made the whole thing up

because I thought
you were in love with me,

and I didn't think
it would be such a big deal

because I didn't know
you were in love with Jarvis!

Bowie?

Jarvis!
Did you hear what I just said?

No, I was kind of fixated

on the fact that you're supposed
to be driving right now.

Oh, yeah.

[honking]

Sorry, Piper.

But you'll
get through this.

That is,

assuming I get back to the wheel
in time.

[♪♪♪]

♪ We're the Taste Buds
Here's our recipe ♪

[sobbing]: ♪ A cup of smiles
And a pinch of glee ♪

♪ Mix in some joy
And then right after ♪

♪ Add giggles and fun
And a whole lot of laughter ♪

♪ Do this every day ♪

♪ And you'll soon be ♪

♪ A happy
Little cupcake ♪

♪ Just like me! ♪

[sobbing]

[crowd cheering]

What's Piper doing?

All my hard work
is being ruined!

[sobbing]

Are you wearing makeup?

Of course.

How do you think
I look so good?

[♪♪♪]

[speaking Meeskatanian]

...Rotten eggs!

Well, I have
the perfect romantic

Meeskatanian
response to that.

[boing-boing-boing]

Mmm-boing. Mmm-boing.
Mmm-boing.

Wait! [speaks
Meeskatanian]

...Make toast?

Yes! I should make a toast...

In Meeskatanian.

Which I speak...

[as Candace]: I can't make
a Meeskatanian toast!

I can only
make Meeskatanian toast.

[crunch]

[spitting]

But not very well.

Just say something romantic
in Meeskatanian.

[speaking
Meeskatanian]

Talk to shed?

Run, shed! Run!

[speaking Meeskatanian]

Just cleaning.

[speaks Meeskatanian]

Not understand.

[speaking Meeskatanian]

Bubkes Meeskatanian.

[speaks Meeskatanian]

...Gibberish!

Mrs. Bubkes,

she doesn't understand
a single word you're saying.

Okay, maybe a single word...

the one you put
at the end of every sentence

that sounds
a lot like English.

Uh...

There's only one reason

she wouldn't understand
what you're saying...

[gasping]

She's a fake Meeskatanian!

I wouldn't be surprised

if that were a mask!

Ugh! [speaks Meeskatanian]

Goodbye, pampushkies!

She's leaving!

How am I gonna get my hands
on more pampushkies?

Don't look at me.

Well, that parade
was a disaster.

We weren't the Taste Buds,
we were the Taste Duds.

Really?
The entire ride home,

that's all
you came up with?

I don't know what
was wrong with Piper.

I had really been
looking forward

to spending some time
with her away from work.

Why?

Because...

I haven't told
anyone this, but...

I like her.

-Like like?
-Like like.

-Piper Piper?
-Piper Piper.

-Really really?
-Stop it!

When Piper first
started at Knickknack,

I knew she was smart,

but I didn't know
much else about her.

Over the last year,

I've seen so many
different sides of her.

She's funny.

She's crazy talented
with her music.

And underneath all
the dark clothes and sarcasm,

she's actually
a really sweet person.

Plus, let's be honest...

she's beautiful!

Piper Piper?

Yes.

I think
I'm in love with her.

Wow.

So you're not talking like-like,
you're talking love-like?

I had no idea
you felt that way.

I guess when it comes
to stuff like this...

I'm shy.

I knew I told a truth
at some point today!

[sighs] Plus...

I don't think she likes me.

Or any guy.

Or any person.

Or any living thing.

But she does!

She feels the same
way about you!

I doubt that.

Piper was so upset
about spending the day with me

she actually cried.

Plus, if she was into me,

at some point
she would've dropped a hint.

Jarvis Raines!

We're in the same
history class

and English class.

We're not
in the same math class,

but sometimes I go anyway,
because I love you...

...Clidean geometry!

Why am I hot?

Your arms, your hair,
your face, your eyes.

Hey, Piper.
Can I have your phone?

Number? Of course!

And you can
call any time.

Day. Night. Now!

You guys
are the best!

Partial group hug?

[laughter]

Yet not... one... hint.

Piper doesn't like me.

I have to accept

that we're just meant
to be friends.

[♪♪♪]

Piper, I have something
to say that I think...

...Will have a greater impact

when you're actually
in the room to hear it.

Oh...

Oh, great.

Not only is Piper now dead,

but my fingerprints
are all over the crime scene.

I'm not dead,
Bowie.

I'm just dead inside.

Jarvis doesn't love me.

I can't believe
you lied about that!

Here's the thing.

My lie wasn't a lie.

Jarvis actually does love you.

Nice try, Bowie.

Stop trying
to make me feel better.

I'm not! I would never
try to make you feel better!

I get it.

Jarvis doesn't love me.

I have to accept

that we're just meant
to be friends.

[sighs]

This is crazy!

Jarvis and Piper are in love

and no one's doing anything
about it.

No one but me!

I am making it my mission
to get those two together,

and nothing
will distract me from it.

[elevator dings]

Hel-lo!

My name's Bowie.

Well, Captain Bowie.
I'm a pilot.

[speaking Meeskatanian]

...Fly me to Meeskatania?

Fly you
to Meeskatania?

Sure. Let me
get my hat.

[ding]

[♪♪♪]

[sexy saxophone plays]

[sniffing]

[announcer]:
Rotten Egg...

cologne for men.

I'm P. Everett Knickknack.

The "P" stands for...
"perfume."

[spraying]

[♪♪♪]