Some Assembly Required (2014–2016): Season 1, Episode 9 - Snack in the Box - full transcript

[♪♪♪]

So, Jarvis,

you know how the Toy Innovator
Awards are coming up?

Of course.

Do you have an idea
for what we should submit?

Yeah. An application form.

Two weeks ago.

We missed
the entry deadline!

That doesn't make sense.

I filled out
an application

and gave it
to Geneva to mail.



Good, you're here.

I've been waiting to go on
my break for 15 minutes.

You just got here
15 minutes ago.

Yes.

Geneva, I asked you
to take out the outgoing mail.

I did! His name is Ethan,
and he works in the warehouse.

And you were right.

He is very outgoing.

And very male.

[audience laughing]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Buckle up ♪

♪ And hold on tight ♪

♪ You and me
on a wild ride ♪



♪ We're gonna own it
and change the game ♪

♪ Together we'll make it
all the way ♪

♪ Through all the ups
and all the downs, downs ♪

♪ We'll always find our way
around ♪

♪ So here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪

♪ Here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪

♪ Yeah, here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪

♪ You got me ♪

♪ I got you ♪

♪ Here we go ♪

Okay, I just got off the phone
with the head judge.

They're going to let us compete
in the Toy Innovator Awards.

You spoke
to Harold Sperling?

I watched
last year's awards online.

He's a nasty, vicious bully.

How'd you get him
to make an exception?

By agreeing
to host the competition here.

At our expense.

And my firstborn
will be named Harold.

I really
hope it's a boy.

What are you going to
do about this?

You're always cleaning up
Geneva's messes!

No, I'm not!

Jarvis, I was
trying to teach

these baby birds to fly,

and it did not go well.

Their yellow blood
is everywhere.

Don't worry.

I'll clean it up for you.

Just let me finish
making this point to Piper.

As I was saying,

I do not always
clean up Geneva's messes.

Come on,
little birdie!

You can do it!

[splat]

Why did you
even hire her?

I feel like
she has a lot to offer.

Yeah, and you're hoping

someday she offers
it to you.

You just hired her
for her looks.

She doesn't know
how to do anything.

Because no one's
ever asked her to.

I bet, with
the right encouragement,

I could turn her into

one of this company's
best employees.

I'll take that bet.

Trust me,
when this is over,

you'll be the one
with egg on your face.

[splat]

I found another nest!

So, it turns out,
at the Toy Innovator Awards,

companies exhibit
in alphabetical order!

All I have to do
is steal Knickknack's toy idea

and present it first,

using my new company...

"Klickklack Toys."

[laughter]

Not only will I win,

and have a toy
that'll make me a mint,

but Knickknack
will be left with nothing!

Pretty clever,
don't you think?

Wow, I'm lonely.

Forget it.
I heard everything, Can...

Mrs. Bubkes?

You're in here?

Uh...

Good. Then you must've seen
where Candace went.

We have to stop her

before she steals our design
for the Toy Innovator Awards.

[speaking foreign language]:
...no Candace.

Haven't seen
her, huh?

Come to think of it,

I don't think
I've ever seen you and Candace

in the same room together.

So how could I expect you
to know if you've seen her?

I'll show you
what she looks like.

[drawing]

[laughter]

Okay, Geneva.

We're going to
turn you into

the best employee ever.

Let's start
with a little role-playing.

Ooh! I'm great
at playing with rolls.

[♪♪♪]

I meant where you pretend
to be something you're not.

Oh! You mean like
how I'm pretending

to be interested
in this conversation?

Let's just practice
answering the phone.

I'll be someone calling.

You be... you.

[sighs] Can't we start
with someone easier?

[phone rings]

[ringing]

Just show me
how you answer the phone.

I am.

[ringing]

Perfect.

Let's move on
to another duty of yours.

[snorts]

You said "duty"!

With a "T."

Which is funny,

because you think
I have duties around here.

[snickers]

Anyway, can we hurry this up?
I really have to poop.

[♪♪♪]

How are things
going with Geneva?

Geneva?

Uh...mazingly well.

She mastered
that reception stuff

in two seconds.

She did?

In fact, her talents

are kind of wasted
behind that desk.

She could do
anything around here.

Really?

Then maybe we should
have Geneva design

our toy for
the Toy Innovator Awards.

Uh...

Unbelievable!

I was gonna suggest
the same thing.

That is unbelievable.

In the sense
that I don't believe it.

No, I think
it's an awesome idea.

Let's do it.

Great. Why don't
you call her right now

and tell her the good news?

Okay.
Why shouldn't I?

I guess you're not
gonna give me

a reason
why I shouldn't.

Geneva, there may be
some people who don't think

you can handle designing our toy
for the competition,

but I'm not one of them.

I'm sure

that you will invent
not only a great toy,

but the winning toy.

I believe in you.

Okay, now I just need
to say all that to Geneva

while keeping a straight face.

Design our toy
for the competition?

I guess I have to say yes,

because the idea of it seems
to make you really happy.

The whole time
you were asking me,

you were smiling.

Even laughing once or twice.

[snickering]

[ding]

Okay, Mrs. Bubkes,
we need to find Candace

before she steals
our toy design.

I know
she's in the building.

I heard her voice.

[speaking foreign language]:
...Someone else?

No. I'm sure
it was Candace.

I'd know that evil,
nasty, grating,

witch-like voice
anywhere.

[speaking foreign language]

...Split up?

Split up?

It's too dangerous.

Do you really think

I'd leave my partner
on her own to confront

that hideous,
snaggletoothed,

droopy-faced ogre?

[snapping
in foreign language]

...Channing Tatum?

Thanks, Mrs. Bubkes.

I have been told I look
like Channing Tatum.

But enough
complimenting each other.

We have to find
that garlic-breathed,

unibrowed,
jug-eared banshee!

Jarvis put your desk here?

Yeah.

Jarvis said if
I was going to design a toy,

I needed a work space.

But I guess it costs
a lot of money to go to space,

so here I am!

Well, you guys
should have come to me.

I totally would have
chipped in for rocket fuel.

Anyway, I've got
a lot of work to do.

Me too.

Can I borrow a stapler?

[sighs]

You know you're supposed to
use that on paper, right?

Of course!

Can I borrow
some paper?

Guess I should have
seen that coming.

And just to get a jump
on your next question,

I'm going to go ahead
and give you this...

Good thinking.

That's much better.

Do you have something
I could write with?

Anything else?

Well...

There!

Now I have everything
I need to invent a toy.

Except...?

Except my desk
is so cluttered.

[sighs]

That's better.

Can I borrow a...?

[♪♪♪]

You wanted
to see me, Jarvis?

Yeah. Did you come up
with an idea for a toy?

I tried,
but Piper was driving me crazy.

You don't have to come up
with something complicated.

The most popular toys
are usually the simplest.

Take the world's
first toy...

the rock.

I thought you said
they were simple.

They are.

Come on. Maybe some
of these things

will inspire you.

Like...

the jigsaw puzzle.

[gasps]: Aah!
Do not look in there.

Someone tore that
poor little kitty to pieces.

[gasps]: A hundred pieces!

What's this?

It's a Jack-in-the-Box.

[gasping and giggling]

You must be Jack!

[laughing]

He did it again!

I had one of these.

The Piece-of-Cake Oven.

I used to make
all of my friends...

make me cupcakes
using this.

See? Jack-in-the-Box,
the Piece-of-Cake Oven...

you love these toys!

I want you to come up
with your own toy

that is
everything these two are,

and more.

You got it, Jarvis!

Right after I see
what happens this time.

[gasps and laughs]

That Jack character!

You never know
what he's going to do next.

[audience laughing]

[♪♪♪]

[boing-boing-boing]

Did you hear that?
Sounds like Candace.

[boing]

Gotcha, Candace!

Oh. Looks like
we owe you an apology.

You're free to go, sir.

[speaking
foreign language]

[boing-boing-boing-boing]

Where could
Candace be hiding?

[as Candace]:
I'm on the roof!

Did you hear that?
She's on the roof!

[Candace]: But I also
might be in the basement!

She also might
be in the basement!

The two places
she might be

are as far apart in the
building as possible.

Well, Candace...

[speaking
foreign language]

...outsmarted you.

Oh, no, she didn't.

There's one way we can
cover that much ground.

Ooh! Split up?

Nope.

The old cherry-top!

[laughter]

Mrs. Bubkes,
I handled the light...

[like a siren]:
Woo-oo-woo!

Okay, Jarvis.

I'm all done my toy.

Presenting...

The Jack-in-the-Oven!

You need to
turn the handle fast,

because it gets really hot.

[melting]

[foom!]

Aah! [gasps]

I mean... a-ha!

What a creative design.

Thanks. Want to see it again?

No, it's okay.

I can wait
for my nightmare tonight.

Okay! And, the best part is,
aside from being super-fun,

we'll sell tons of gas masks,

because the fumes are toxic.

[giggles]

Great.

So you combined
a Jack-in-the-Box

with a Piece-of-Cake Oven?

Uh-huh.
You said to make a toy

that's everything those toys are
and more.

Where's the "more?"

I knew I forgot something!

Thank you for believing
in me, Jarvis.

I can't wait
till you present this

at the big competition.

[♪♪♪]

["Pop goes the weasel" plays]

[♪♪♪]

[foom!]

Aah!

Are you okay?

Uh... yeah.

I was just...

["Pop goes the weasel" plays]

[♪♪♪]

[melting]

Aah!

Are you okay?

Yeah. I was just...

[laughter]

Yeah. I'm okay.

So how's it coming
with Geneva's toy?

Is she going to light
the toy world on fire?

It's a distinct possibility.

Really? I didn't think
she'd come up with jack.

Well, she did.

[coaster car rumbling]

In fact,

Geneva came up with a toy
no one's ever seen before.

The judges are going
to be blown away.

[hushed, as Candace]:
I need to get my hands

on that toy!

Where you going,
partner?

There's a 716
on the fifth floor.

[speaking foreign
language] ...716?

Overflowing toilet.

This is what
you trained for.

Unit one responding.

[like a siren]:
Woo-oo-woo-oo!

[♪♪♪]

[Toy]: Merry Christmas.

Wow. We've got
some tough competition.

That's an amazing toy.

Well, let's see
what the judges think.

Especially that vicious tyrant,
Harold Sperling.

So, you've invented
a robotic Santa's elf.

A toy that makes other toys!

Can it make a bucket?

Because then I will have
something to throw up in!

[audience laughing]

[Toy]: What a jerk.

[laughter]

[♪♪♪]

All right, we're in
plain clothes

so we can look around

without drawing
attention to ourselves.

By the way,
Mrs. Bubkes, nice job.

Those are really
plain clothes.

Candace has to be
around here somewhere.

[as Candace]: I'm in the shed!

Did you hear that?

She's in the shed!

But I also
might be in the shed!

Okay, she's either
in the shed or the shed.

Maybe this time
we should split up.

[speaking foreign
language] ...The shed!

Good thinking.

Let's check the shed.

Act casual!

[♪♪♪]

Mrs. Bubkes, that's just how
a cop would walk over here.

[audience chuckling]

[Bowie]:
Okay, let's look for Candace.

[speaking foreign
language] ...Candace.

Where? Where you're pointing
with that shovel?

I'll turn around and look.

[clang!]

[thump]

[laughter]

Now to steal
Knickknack's toy idea.

Up next...

Candace Wheeler
from Klickklack Toys.

[gasps in horror] Aah!

I don't have a toy.

Maybe there's something
in here I can use.

[♪♪♪]

I call it... "Ragamuffin."

[laughter]

The world's first life-sized
ultra-realistic rag doll.

You can, uh, poke him...

Shake him...

[laughter]

Even throw him,
if you want.

[thud]

[Bowie groaning]

And he's programmed

to make realistic
groaning sounds.

Well, you certainly
presented a toy

like nothing
we've ever seen before.

[humble gasp]

Innovation is what
we do at Klickklack.

But what child
in his or her right mind

would ever want to play
with this grotesque eyesore?

What?

This doll
is too flimsy...

with its gangly,
noodle-like limbs.

And the face!

Why would you give it
such a weird little face?

[gasps] Wait!

Take that beastly toy
with you.

I can't bear to look at
its tiny, little gremlin hands

another instant.

[laughter]

[laughter]

Wow. Some people
invent creepy toys.

[Harold]:
Up next, Knickknack Toys.

In designing our toy,

we looked at two of the most
popular toys in history...

the Jack-in-the-Box
and the Piece-of-Cake Oven,

and decided to invent something

that is everything they are,
and more.

Knickknack Toys
is proud to present...

Snack-in-the-Box!

You just pour in a pouch
of Snack-in-the-Box mix.

[Jarvis tears packet open]

Then close the lid
and turn the crank.

Powered only by the human hand,

Snack-in-the-Box mixes
and bakes the ingredients,

creating a delicious surprise!

[gasping]

People have been making
cupcakes the same way...

in ovens...
for as long as I can remember...

about three and a half years.

But you decided
that wasn't good enough!

You had to come up
with a new way!

And thank goodness you did!

Bravo!

[all applauding]

Congratulations, Jarvis.

The judges loved
Snack-in-the-Box.

["Pop goes the weasel" plays]

I've got to admit,
I was wrong about Geneva.

She made a great toy.

I told you she would.

In the future,

when I tell you
something,

maybe you should
just assume I'm right.

What the heck
is this hunk of junk?

I didn't invent
Snack-in-the-Box.

I invented
Jack-in-the-Oven.

["Pop goes the weasel" plays]

[melting]

[foom!]

[flames roaring]

By the way,

I hope you guys were
holding your breath just now.

In the future,
when I tell you something,

maybe you should
just assume I'm right.

I'm sorry
I tweaked your toy,

but the truth is...

it just wasn't very good.

It wasn't very good?

Kind of
an understatement!

It stunk.

You knew it was bad?

Yes! Somehow
you got it in your head

that I should do work.

I figured if you saw this,
you'd change your mind.

Are you saying,
if you wanted to,

you could have
invented a toy as good

as Toy Innovator Award-winning
Snack-in-the-Box?

Better.

For starters,

if you used a lower-profile
spring mechanism,

it would create enough
room in the housing

to add
a sprinkle dispenser.

That's a great idea!

Write that down!

I'll write it down.

[laughter]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Rag-rag-rag-rag
Ragamuffin ♪

♪ The doll that's really
Really somethin' ♪

♪ He's not
Full of any stuffin' ♪

♪ What can't he take? ♪

♪ The answer's nothin'! ♪

Ragamuffin...
New from Klickklack.

[Bowie, groans]:
What's going on?

[clang]
Shovel not included.

I'm C. Wheeler
Klickklack.

The "C" stands
for... "Conk."

[♪♪♪]