Some Assembly Required (2014–2016): Season 1, Episode 1 - Strong Suit - full transcript
After his house is blown up by a defective toy, Jarvis Raines wins the Knickknack Toy company in a lawsuit. Once he's hired his staff of teen experts, the team invents their first toy, StrongSuit - a bodysuit for young kids that makes them big and strong - and decides to test it out on a group of local schoolchildren. But when the kids refuse to give the StrongSuit back, Jarvis must stop them before they destroy the company.
[Festive music]
[Doorbell rings]
Hey, Jarvis.
Want to walk to
school together?
Bowie,
there's no school today.
Merry Christmas, by the way.
Oh, yeah.
You're one
of those weird families
that celebrates Christmas
on Christmas.
[Audience laughter]
Right, we're weird.
Not the guy who observes
every holiday in August.
It's way more
efficient.
Why pay inflated prices
for Christmas gifts in December?
Or fight through crowds
of candy-crazed
trick-or-treaters in October?
And what would surprise
my girlfriend more
than getting Valentine roses
on August 14th?
The disturbing discovery
that she's dating you
in this fantasy
you've concocted?
Yeah, yeah.
Save the jokes
for August Fools' Day.
Anyway, Bowie,
you want to come in?
Yay!
It's like Christmas
in December!
[Audience laughs]
This one's
from my Aunt Marlene.
She always gives me
the most boring gifts.
Teeny Toddler Chemistry Set.
Ages three to...
three.
[Audience laughs]
Sounds like a blast.
[Loud explosion]
[Audience laughs]
You call that boring?
My aunt gives me
tube socks.
[Audience laughs]
[♪♪♪]
Excuse me, I had a problem
with one of your toys.
If you were dumb enough
to lose a finger
playing Hungry Hungry Hedgehogs,
it's not our fault.
The package says
they're hungry.
Twice.
That's not
why we're here.
Speak for yourself.
[Chittering]
[Audience laughs]
Your chemistry set
blew up my house.
[Audience laughs]
That's a small house.
This is the chemistry set!
Okay, okay.
I am going to make this right
by offering you a brand new...
House?
Chemistry set!
Aah!
[Explosion]
[Audience laughs]
I suppose you're going to want
to return that one too.
You know what?
Maybe I should speak
to your boss.
Fine!
I'll get the owner for you.
Hi! What can
I do for you?
For starters, you can
fire that horrible woman
who was here
a minute ago.
That's right.
I know you're back there!
You're the owner?
Yep.
Candace Wheeler,
owner, President,
and Head of Security.
[squirt squirt]
What about
P. Everett Knickknack?
"I'm P. Everett Knickknack.
The P stands for playful."
[Audience laughs]
Actually, the P
stands for "pretend."
And "profit."
And "p-get out of my face!"
But your chemistry set
destroyed my house!
So sue me.
Okay!
[bang bang bang]
[Audience laughs]
I can't believe the jury
made me the new
owner of the company!
And the judge let me keep
this cool wooden hammer!
Do you even know
the first thing
about running a toy company?
Nope!
But I do know the first thing
this place needs.
A thorough and
comprehensive
business plan.
No...
A roller coaster!
Woo!
[♪♪♪]
♪ Buckle up ♪
♪ And hold on tight ♪
♪ You and me
on a wild ride ♪
♪ We're gonna own it
and change the game ♪
♪ Together we'll make it
all the way ♪
♪ Through all the ups
and all the downs, downs ♪
♪ We'll always find our way
around ♪
♪ So here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪
♪ Here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪
♪ Yeah, here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪
♪ You got me ♪
♪ I got you ♪
♪ Here we go ♪
Jarvis, to do this right,
you're going to need
more than two people.
That's true.
There are four seats
in this coaster car!
I mean to run
the toy company,
not ride the roller coaster...
Which we've done
47 times.
[Audience laughs]
Don't worry.
I plan on hiring
some people to help.
[Vomits loudly]
Like a cleaning person.
No way!
She said that?
Shut up! Shut up!
Here's an idea.
Why don't you follow
your own advice and shut up?
Do you mind?
I'm on the phone.
Sorry. Some people
can be so rude.
Shut up!
Some people also know
how to override
a digital projection system.
[Deep voice]
GET... OFF... THE... PHONE!
Aah!
She'll call you back.
Or she won't.
I don't really care.
[applause]
Hi, Piper.
My name's...
Jarvis Raines!
We're in
the same History class!
And English class!
We're not
in the same Math class,
but sometimes I go anyway,
because I love you...
...clidean geometry.
Anyway, I was wondering
if you'd like to...
Go out with you?
Yes! Yes!
I was going to say
"come work at my company."
I know.
I meant we should go out
of here to discuss it...
because it's rude to talk
in a movie theatre.
Some people get really mad
when you do that.
[Audience laughs]
[Typewriter clacks]
[Jarvis]: Piper Gray...
Gamer dude.
[Audience laughs]
You know what would be
a good accessory
for that outfit?
A freshly dug grave...
Because if I were wearing that,
I would die!
Hey, Aster.
Aah!
Here, take this into
the fitting room...
or in your case,
the ill-fitting room.
[Audience laughs]
That's not why I'm here.
I know you already
have this job,
but I was wondering...
Job?
I don't work here.
I do this
for the good of society.
[Audience laughs]
No.
[Typewriter clacks]
[Jarvis]: Aster Vanderberg...
King of Swag.
[Plane engine hums]
[Audience laughs]
Knox, I've been
trying to call you.
Sorry, bro.
You're supposed to turn
your cell phone off
when you're on an airplane.
You're also supposed
to use a seat belt.
And a seat!
I'm pretty sure they want
people to stay inside.
Then explain why a flight
attendant just came by.
Did she have
feathers and a beak?
Uh-huh.
That was a goose.
Anyway, I want to
ask you something,
but can we please get
off this wing first?
Sure! No problem!
What are you...
Aah!
So,
what did you want to ask me?
I hope it's not
"Did you remember
your parachute?"
because the answer
is a little embarrassing.
[Typewriter clacks]
[Jarvis]: Knox...
Human crash test dummy.
[Swan Lake music]
[Audience laughs]
Geneva!
I need to ask you
a question.
Now?
Can't it wait
'til after the recital?
Oh. Sure.
[Applause]
A toy company?
Will I have to do, like, any...
anything?
[Typewriter clacks]
[Jarvis]: Geneva Hayes.
Because I can.
[Audience laughs]
What are you doing?
Freeze-framing.
[Duck squeaks]
[Audience laughs]
[Imitates typewriter]
Tika-tika-tika-tika...
Listen, Bowie...
I think we're kind of
staffed up.
Come on!
You hired a bunch of kids
from school you barely know.
You're not going to hire
your best friend?
My dog?
He sleeps all day.
[Chuckles]
Fine.
Yes!
[Typewriter clacks]
[Jarvis]: Bowie Sherman.
Also works here.
[Audience laughs]
[♪♪♪]
Everything here
is incredible!
I mean, if you care about...
stuff.
Hey! That's not fair!
Why do you need to be this tall
to ride the coaster?
Who cares?
This place is sick!
Awww...
This place
isn't feeling well?
We should make it soup.
I work here!
[Audience laughs]
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen,
to the future!
We're in the future?
Oh, no, I am gonna have
crazy late fees
on this library book.
We're not in the future.
If anything, judging from
your outfits and hairstyles,
we're about three years
in the past.
We're in the past?
I should warn Knox
not to take out
that library book.
I'm too late!
[Squealing]
I work here!
You told me you were hiring
the best and the brightest.
When are they getting here?
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Okay, we're a toy company.
Let's invent a toy!
[Audience laughs]
Okay, I don't know
how I came up with this,
but how about a plunger
you stick on dudes' faces?
[Speaks other language]
1995!
Everyone,
this is Mrs. Bubkes.
Jarvis asked me to hire
a cleaning woman.
Nice to meet you,
Mrs. Bubkes.
Bowie, couldn't you have hired
someone who knows the difference
between a toilet and my face?
Hey, I interviewed dozens
of women for this position,
and in the end,
I chose the prettiest one.
[Giggles flirtatiously]
[Becomes a crazy cackle]
[Speaks in other language]
Porcelain veneers!
Okay, I have a real idea.
An app that makes you seem
interested in a conversation
while you actually zone out
and listen to music.
[App beeps]
Oh! You like
listening to music?
I like listening to music!
Uh-huh.
Especially
when I'm doing my nails.
Really?
Really!
My favourite colour
is Cranberry Sunset.
You don't say.
I call it
the "i...Don'tWantToTalkToYou."
Fascinating!
I have a way more interesting,
high-tech idea.
[Audience laughs]
A ball?
Not just a ball.
It contains a motion-powered
nano-generator,
allowing it to literally
bounce forever!
I call it...
Mmm-boing!
I call it
Mmm-boring!
No! Don't!
[Loud bouncing sounds]
Ah!
[Guitar clangs noisily]
[Shatters,
ball keeps bouncing]
Someone open a window!
[Whizzes, shatters]
[Audience laughs]
[Distant brakes screeching,
cars honking]
I meant someone
other than Mmm-boing!
Okay.
I admit that could
have gone better.
[Piper]: You're not kidding.
Hey! I didn't
criticize your idea.
It wasn't me.
He said it.
That's not good.
I agree with Buttface.
Bouncy balls account
for less than one one-thousandth
of one percent
of global toy sales,
which last year topped
$84.1 billion,
thanks mostly to increases
in per-child purchases
in emerging markets.
How did you know that?
I read it
in this fashion magazine.
"Bimbo."
Bimbo stands
for "Bond and Investment Markets
in Banking Operations."
That's a business
publication.
Eww!
So when the article said
to "buy short,"
it wasn't talking
about skirts?
No, it absolutely was!
The shorter the better!
That's a good look for you.
Pretty girl.
Bimbo makes a good point.
You mean the magazine?
Sure, okay.
[Audience laughs]
[Jarvis]: All right.
We should find out
what young kids actually want,
make sure we really pick
the right toy
before we take the plunge.
Oh, [speaks other language]
plunge!
[Audience laughs]
I think someone may have
mentioned this earlier,
but how about a plunger
you stick on dudes' faces?
[Audience laughs]
[Rollercoaster whooshes]
Guys!
You know
how we want to find out
what kind of toys
kids really want?
Well, I just passed this house
down the street,
and the family that lives there
has, like, 200 kids!
[Audience laughs]
Knox, that's a school.
[Audience laughs]
But maybe we could ask
those kids what they're into.
They're not going
to just talk to us.
We're cool,
intimidating teenagers.
I get it.
Too intimidated
by my coolness to respond.
[Audience laughs]
The point is, if we want
those kids to talk to us,
I'll need to go undercover...
become one of them.
I really don't think
that's necessary.
You'll have to have
absolutely no contact with me...
possibly for years.
Good luck, Bowie.
It's the only way.
[Audience laughs]
Hey, guys.
Don't mind me.
Just off to ride
the roller coaster.
[Audience giggles]
What?
How can that be?
Stupid sign!
Well,
we don't have a little kid,
but we have Aster.
[Grunting]
Looking at him, it's clear
what little kids want.
To dress like Lady Gaga?
To be bigger and stronger.
The worst thing
about being a kid
is not being able to do things
grown-ups can do.
What if we invented a toy
that changed that?
That's great!
That would
be awesome!
And when it's done,
we can invite the local news
for a demonstration.
There we go.
Let's do it.
And we can serve them the soup
this building
refuses to eat.
Come on.
It will make you feel better.
You've got a temperature!
[Bowie]: Okay, I'm ready
to go undercover.
[Audience laughs]
Actually, Bowie,
we just came up with...
Not now, Knox.
Little Bowie's going
to be late for school!
[ding ding ding]
[Rollercoaster whooshes]
Sure, I could tell you
about Knickknack's newest toy.
But how about
instead I show you,
with the help
of these second graders
from Sunshine Elementary School.
[Kids giggle]
I'm this many!
I wish my parents could afford
private school.
Kids, what's the thing
you want more than anything?
To be dry all night!
Sorry for breaking character
for a minute there, guys.
Uh...
that's right,
to be big and strong!
And now you can, thanks to...
StrongSuit!
[StrongSuit whirs and hums
mechanically]
[Kids cheer]
[Players grunt]
Aw...
[Cheering]
[Speaks other language]
Schooled! Ha ha ha!
Go! Go! Go!
[Loud pop]
Yay!
[Cheering]
Pickles make
my tongue feel funny!
Sorry for breaking
character again, guys.
Bowie, you're never going
to convince someone
you're a little boy.
Oh... right. Gotcha.
By the way, it's me, Bowie.
[♪♪♪]
The news crew posted a clip
of the StrongSuit online,
and the response is huge!
Looks like our first toy's
going to be a hit.
Yup! And we all
did it together.
Piper, you programmed it.
Knox, you tested it.
Aster, your tiny, gnome-like
physique inspired it.
[Audience laughs]
And Geneva...
Geneva...
I think we all know
what she did.
Nothing?
Nothing.
Beautiful,
beautiful nothing.
There's more
where that came from!
[suit whirs]
Whoa!
Glad you guys had so much fun
playing with the StrongSuit!
But it's time to
take it off and go home.
[Loud clang]
I don't think so.
Ah!
Ow...
Yay!
Now we can have a tea party!
[Kids cheer]
[Whispers]
Is this better?
By the way, it's me, Bowie.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[Jarvis]: This is bad.
[Kids yelling, thumping]
Those kids have been rampaging
for the last three hours.
And now they're doing things
no kid should be able to do.
[StrongSuit whirs]
[Audience laughs]
Yay!
They're out of control.
Seriously.
According to this book,
it's supposed to take
ten little girls
to change a light bulb!
Oh, no.
If you were expecting
the chicken to help us,
you can forget it.
He's gone over
to the other side.
[Audience laughs]
Come on.
We can fix this.
I put together a team
that can solve any problem.
So, what are you waiting for?
If there was ever a time
we needed that team, it's now!
Where's the team?
Call them!
We need those people!
[Speaks other language] team?
WE'RE THE TEAM!
Okay...
There must be some way
we can stop them.
Yeah.
After all, the StrongSuit
is just a toy...
an extremely deadly toy.
[Audience laughs]
We do have other toys.
Maybe there's something in
the warehouse we can use.
I hope so...
because if those kids come
knocking at our door,
it won't be funny.
Not because these knock-knock
jokes are terrible,
but because
they're going to kill us.
[Audience laughs]
Okay.
What did you guys
find in the warehouse?
A really big spider.
So I ran away!
I found this.
That's great!
We can use it
to fight the spider!
Or...
to get the StrongSuit back!
Pass me the remote.
Hey, kids!
Say hello to my little friend!
Hello!
Hi!
I meant the tank!
It's not working!
Not working?
That's my job!
Nice try.
I can't believe
I almost gave this suit back.
Luckily someone pointed out
that it made me powerful enough
to do whatever I want!
Who told her that?
Don't look at me.
Given that outfit,
who would want to?
[Audience laughs]
These old Knickknack toys
are all defective.
Maybe it's just set
to the wrong frequency...
which means
I can tweak the signal!
Hand me some tools!
[Squeaks]
This'll work!
[Drilling]
It's still not
controlling the tank.
No.
It's controlling that.
[StrongSuit whirs]
Why am I hitting myself?
Why am I
hitting myself?
You did it, Piper!
Now to power down
the StrongSuit...
[Power hums down]
And press eject.
[clacking]
Waah!
[They all cheer]
Yes! We did it!
By the way, guys,
it's me, Bowie!
[Audience laughs]
[♪♪♪]
What a day.
Thank goodness
we got the StrongSuit back.
Where is the StrongSuit?
[Mechanical whirring]
Hey, guys.
Don't mind me.
Just off to ride
the roller coaster.
Oh, come on!
[Laughs]
The weird part
is we still don't know
who told that little girl
not to give back the suit.
Who would try to ruin
everything for us like that?
[Speaks other language]
Schooled! Ha ha ha!
[Whispers]
You're right!
I never have to give it back!
I guess we'll never know.
[Cell phone rings]
Hello?
[Candace]:
Hello, Mr. Stole-My-Company.
Candace?
What do you want?
Just wondering
how your first week went.
Any... problems?
Nothing we couldn't handle!
Looks like our first toy's
going to be a big seller!
What?
We had a couple of kinks,
but we've worked them out.
We're going to clean up!
Well, not literally clean up.
We hired a sweet old woman
for that... Mrs. Bubkes.
Well, you haven't seen
the last of me!
[Audience laughs, gasps]
You may be riding high now...
but don't let it go
to your head.
[boing]
Hello?
Candace? Hello?
[♪♪♪]
Get ready
for the hottest new product
from Knickknack!
The StrongSuit!
Giving kids the power
to do anything they want!
And best of all!
It automatically goes
into remote control mode
at bedtime!
StrongSuit!
From Knickknack!
Some assembly required.
That was fun!
Can we do that every night?
I'm P. Everett
Knickknack.
The "P" stands
for POWER!
[♪♪♪]
[Doorbell rings]
Hey, Jarvis.
Want to walk to
school together?
Bowie,
there's no school today.
Merry Christmas, by the way.
Oh, yeah.
You're one
of those weird families
that celebrates Christmas
on Christmas.
[Audience laughter]
Right, we're weird.
Not the guy who observes
every holiday in August.
It's way more
efficient.
Why pay inflated prices
for Christmas gifts in December?
Or fight through crowds
of candy-crazed
trick-or-treaters in October?
And what would surprise
my girlfriend more
than getting Valentine roses
on August 14th?
The disturbing discovery
that she's dating you
in this fantasy
you've concocted?
Yeah, yeah.
Save the jokes
for August Fools' Day.
Anyway, Bowie,
you want to come in?
Yay!
It's like Christmas
in December!
[Audience laughs]
This one's
from my Aunt Marlene.
She always gives me
the most boring gifts.
Teeny Toddler Chemistry Set.
Ages three to...
three.
[Audience laughs]
Sounds like a blast.
[Loud explosion]
[Audience laughs]
You call that boring?
My aunt gives me
tube socks.
[Audience laughs]
[♪♪♪]
Excuse me, I had a problem
with one of your toys.
If you were dumb enough
to lose a finger
playing Hungry Hungry Hedgehogs,
it's not our fault.
The package says
they're hungry.
Twice.
That's not
why we're here.
Speak for yourself.
[Chittering]
[Audience laughs]
Your chemistry set
blew up my house.
[Audience laughs]
That's a small house.
This is the chemistry set!
Okay, okay.
I am going to make this right
by offering you a brand new...
House?
Chemistry set!
Aah!
[Explosion]
[Audience laughs]
I suppose you're going to want
to return that one too.
You know what?
Maybe I should speak
to your boss.
Fine!
I'll get the owner for you.
Hi! What can
I do for you?
For starters, you can
fire that horrible woman
who was here
a minute ago.
That's right.
I know you're back there!
You're the owner?
Yep.
Candace Wheeler,
owner, President,
and Head of Security.
[squirt squirt]
What about
P. Everett Knickknack?
"I'm P. Everett Knickknack.
The P stands for playful."
[Audience laughs]
Actually, the P
stands for "pretend."
And "profit."
And "p-get out of my face!"
But your chemistry set
destroyed my house!
So sue me.
Okay!
[bang bang bang]
[Audience laughs]
I can't believe the jury
made me the new
owner of the company!
And the judge let me keep
this cool wooden hammer!
Do you even know
the first thing
about running a toy company?
Nope!
But I do know the first thing
this place needs.
A thorough and
comprehensive
business plan.
No...
A roller coaster!
Woo!
[♪♪♪]
♪ Buckle up ♪
♪ And hold on tight ♪
♪ You and me
on a wild ride ♪
♪ We're gonna own it
and change the game ♪
♪ Together we'll make it
all the way ♪
♪ Through all the ups
and all the downs, downs ♪
♪ We'll always find our way
around ♪
♪ So here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪
♪ Here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪
♪ Yeah, here we go
whoa-oa-oh ♪
♪ You got me ♪
♪ I got you ♪
♪ Here we go ♪
Jarvis, to do this right,
you're going to need
more than two people.
That's true.
There are four seats
in this coaster car!
I mean to run
the toy company,
not ride the roller coaster...
Which we've done
47 times.
[Audience laughs]
Don't worry.
I plan on hiring
some people to help.
[Vomits loudly]
Like a cleaning person.
No way!
She said that?
Shut up! Shut up!
Here's an idea.
Why don't you follow
your own advice and shut up?
Do you mind?
I'm on the phone.
Sorry. Some people
can be so rude.
Shut up!
Some people also know
how to override
a digital projection system.
[Deep voice]
GET... OFF... THE... PHONE!
Aah!
She'll call you back.
Or she won't.
I don't really care.
[applause]
Hi, Piper.
My name's...
Jarvis Raines!
We're in
the same History class!
And English class!
We're not
in the same Math class,
but sometimes I go anyway,
because I love you...
...clidean geometry.
Anyway, I was wondering
if you'd like to...
Go out with you?
Yes! Yes!
I was going to say
"come work at my company."
I know.
I meant we should go out
of here to discuss it...
because it's rude to talk
in a movie theatre.
Some people get really mad
when you do that.
[Audience laughs]
[Typewriter clacks]
[Jarvis]: Piper Gray...
Gamer dude.
[Audience laughs]
You know what would be
a good accessory
for that outfit?
A freshly dug grave...
Because if I were wearing that,
I would die!
Hey, Aster.
Aah!
Here, take this into
the fitting room...
or in your case,
the ill-fitting room.
[Audience laughs]
That's not why I'm here.
I know you already
have this job,
but I was wondering...
Job?
I don't work here.
I do this
for the good of society.
[Audience laughs]
No.
[Typewriter clacks]
[Jarvis]: Aster Vanderberg...
King of Swag.
[Plane engine hums]
[Audience laughs]
Knox, I've been
trying to call you.
Sorry, bro.
You're supposed to turn
your cell phone off
when you're on an airplane.
You're also supposed
to use a seat belt.
And a seat!
I'm pretty sure they want
people to stay inside.
Then explain why a flight
attendant just came by.
Did she have
feathers and a beak?
Uh-huh.
That was a goose.
Anyway, I want to
ask you something,
but can we please get
off this wing first?
Sure! No problem!
What are you...
Aah!
So,
what did you want to ask me?
I hope it's not
"Did you remember
your parachute?"
because the answer
is a little embarrassing.
[Typewriter clacks]
[Jarvis]: Knox...
Human crash test dummy.
[Swan Lake music]
[Audience laughs]
Geneva!
I need to ask you
a question.
Now?
Can't it wait
'til after the recital?
Oh. Sure.
[Applause]
A toy company?
Will I have to do, like, any...
anything?
[Typewriter clacks]
[Jarvis]: Geneva Hayes.
Because I can.
[Audience laughs]
What are you doing?
Freeze-framing.
[Duck squeaks]
[Audience laughs]
[Imitates typewriter]
Tika-tika-tika-tika...
Listen, Bowie...
I think we're kind of
staffed up.
Come on!
You hired a bunch of kids
from school you barely know.
You're not going to hire
your best friend?
My dog?
He sleeps all day.
[Chuckles]
Fine.
Yes!
[Typewriter clacks]
[Jarvis]: Bowie Sherman.
Also works here.
[Audience laughs]
[♪♪♪]
Everything here
is incredible!
I mean, if you care about...
stuff.
Hey! That's not fair!
Why do you need to be this tall
to ride the coaster?
Who cares?
This place is sick!
Awww...
This place
isn't feeling well?
We should make it soup.
I work here!
[Audience laughs]
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen,
to the future!
We're in the future?
Oh, no, I am gonna have
crazy late fees
on this library book.
We're not in the future.
If anything, judging from
your outfits and hairstyles,
we're about three years
in the past.
We're in the past?
I should warn Knox
not to take out
that library book.
I'm too late!
[Squealing]
I work here!
You told me you were hiring
the best and the brightest.
When are they getting here?
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Okay, we're a toy company.
Let's invent a toy!
[Audience laughs]
Okay, I don't know
how I came up with this,
but how about a plunger
you stick on dudes' faces?
[Speaks other language]
1995!
Everyone,
this is Mrs. Bubkes.
Jarvis asked me to hire
a cleaning woman.
Nice to meet you,
Mrs. Bubkes.
Bowie, couldn't you have hired
someone who knows the difference
between a toilet and my face?
Hey, I interviewed dozens
of women for this position,
and in the end,
I chose the prettiest one.
[Giggles flirtatiously]
[Becomes a crazy cackle]
[Speaks in other language]
Porcelain veneers!
Okay, I have a real idea.
An app that makes you seem
interested in a conversation
while you actually zone out
and listen to music.
[App beeps]
Oh! You like
listening to music?
I like listening to music!
Uh-huh.
Especially
when I'm doing my nails.
Really?
Really!
My favourite colour
is Cranberry Sunset.
You don't say.
I call it
the "i...Don'tWantToTalkToYou."
Fascinating!
I have a way more interesting,
high-tech idea.
[Audience laughs]
A ball?
Not just a ball.
It contains a motion-powered
nano-generator,
allowing it to literally
bounce forever!
I call it...
Mmm-boing!
I call it
Mmm-boring!
No! Don't!
[Loud bouncing sounds]
Ah!
[Guitar clangs noisily]
[Shatters,
ball keeps bouncing]
Someone open a window!
[Whizzes, shatters]
[Audience laughs]
[Distant brakes screeching,
cars honking]
I meant someone
other than Mmm-boing!
Okay.
I admit that could
have gone better.
[Piper]: You're not kidding.
Hey! I didn't
criticize your idea.
It wasn't me.
He said it.
That's not good.
I agree with Buttface.
Bouncy balls account
for less than one one-thousandth
of one percent
of global toy sales,
which last year topped
$84.1 billion,
thanks mostly to increases
in per-child purchases
in emerging markets.
How did you know that?
I read it
in this fashion magazine.
"Bimbo."
Bimbo stands
for "Bond and Investment Markets
in Banking Operations."
That's a business
publication.
Eww!
So when the article said
to "buy short,"
it wasn't talking
about skirts?
No, it absolutely was!
The shorter the better!
That's a good look for you.
Pretty girl.
Bimbo makes a good point.
You mean the magazine?
Sure, okay.
[Audience laughs]
[Jarvis]: All right.
We should find out
what young kids actually want,
make sure we really pick
the right toy
before we take the plunge.
Oh, [speaks other language]
plunge!
[Audience laughs]
I think someone may have
mentioned this earlier,
but how about a plunger
you stick on dudes' faces?
[Audience laughs]
[Rollercoaster whooshes]
Guys!
You know
how we want to find out
what kind of toys
kids really want?
Well, I just passed this house
down the street,
and the family that lives there
has, like, 200 kids!
[Audience laughs]
Knox, that's a school.
[Audience laughs]
But maybe we could ask
those kids what they're into.
They're not going
to just talk to us.
We're cool,
intimidating teenagers.
I get it.
Too intimidated
by my coolness to respond.
[Audience laughs]
The point is, if we want
those kids to talk to us,
I'll need to go undercover...
become one of them.
I really don't think
that's necessary.
You'll have to have
absolutely no contact with me...
possibly for years.
Good luck, Bowie.
It's the only way.
[Audience laughs]
Hey, guys.
Don't mind me.
Just off to ride
the roller coaster.
[Audience giggles]
What?
How can that be?
Stupid sign!
Well,
we don't have a little kid,
but we have Aster.
[Grunting]
Looking at him, it's clear
what little kids want.
To dress like Lady Gaga?
To be bigger and stronger.
The worst thing
about being a kid
is not being able to do things
grown-ups can do.
What if we invented a toy
that changed that?
That's great!
That would
be awesome!
And when it's done,
we can invite the local news
for a demonstration.
There we go.
Let's do it.
And we can serve them the soup
this building
refuses to eat.
Come on.
It will make you feel better.
You've got a temperature!
[Bowie]: Okay, I'm ready
to go undercover.
[Audience laughs]
Actually, Bowie,
we just came up with...
Not now, Knox.
Little Bowie's going
to be late for school!
[ding ding ding]
[Rollercoaster whooshes]
Sure, I could tell you
about Knickknack's newest toy.
But how about
instead I show you,
with the help
of these second graders
from Sunshine Elementary School.
[Kids giggle]
I'm this many!
I wish my parents could afford
private school.
Kids, what's the thing
you want more than anything?
To be dry all night!
Sorry for breaking character
for a minute there, guys.
Uh...
that's right,
to be big and strong!
And now you can, thanks to...
StrongSuit!
[StrongSuit whirs and hums
mechanically]
[Kids cheer]
[Players grunt]
Aw...
[Cheering]
[Speaks other language]
Schooled! Ha ha ha!
Go! Go! Go!
[Loud pop]
Yay!
[Cheering]
Pickles make
my tongue feel funny!
Sorry for breaking
character again, guys.
Bowie, you're never going
to convince someone
you're a little boy.
Oh... right. Gotcha.
By the way, it's me, Bowie.
[♪♪♪]
The news crew posted a clip
of the StrongSuit online,
and the response is huge!
Looks like our first toy's
going to be a hit.
Yup! And we all
did it together.
Piper, you programmed it.
Knox, you tested it.
Aster, your tiny, gnome-like
physique inspired it.
[Audience laughs]
And Geneva...
Geneva...
I think we all know
what she did.
Nothing?
Nothing.
Beautiful,
beautiful nothing.
There's more
where that came from!
[suit whirs]
Whoa!
Glad you guys had so much fun
playing with the StrongSuit!
But it's time to
take it off and go home.
[Loud clang]
I don't think so.
Ah!
Ow...
Yay!
Now we can have a tea party!
[Kids cheer]
[Whispers]
Is this better?
By the way, it's me, Bowie.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[Jarvis]: This is bad.
[Kids yelling, thumping]
Those kids have been rampaging
for the last three hours.
And now they're doing things
no kid should be able to do.
[StrongSuit whirs]
[Audience laughs]
Yay!
They're out of control.
Seriously.
According to this book,
it's supposed to take
ten little girls
to change a light bulb!
Oh, no.
If you were expecting
the chicken to help us,
you can forget it.
He's gone over
to the other side.
[Audience laughs]
Come on.
We can fix this.
I put together a team
that can solve any problem.
So, what are you waiting for?
If there was ever a time
we needed that team, it's now!
Where's the team?
Call them!
We need those people!
[Speaks other language] team?
WE'RE THE TEAM!
Okay...
There must be some way
we can stop them.
Yeah.
After all, the StrongSuit
is just a toy...
an extremely deadly toy.
[Audience laughs]
We do have other toys.
Maybe there's something in
the warehouse we can use.
I hope so...
because if those kids come
knocking at our door,
it won't be funny.
Not because these knock-knock
jokes are terrible,
but because
they're going to kill us.
[Audience laughs]
Okay.
What did you guys
find in the warehouse?
A really big spider.
So I ran away!
I found this.
That's great!
We can use it
to fight the spider!
Or...
to get the StrongSuit back!
Pass me the remote.
Hey, kids!
Say hello to my little friend!
Hello!
Hi!
I meant the tank!
It's not working!
Not working?
That's my job!
Nice try.
I can't believe
I almost gave this suit back.
Luckily someone pointed out
that it made me powerful enough
to do whatever I want!
Who told her that?
Don't look at me.
Given that outfit,
who would want to?
[Audience laughs]
These old Knickknack toys
are all defective.
Maybe it's just set
to the wrong frequency...
which means
I can tweak the signal!
Hand me some tools!
[Squeaks]
This'll work!
[Drilling]
It's still not
controlling the tank.
No.
It's controlling that.
[StrongSuit whirs]
Why am I hitting myself?
Why am I
hitting myself?
You did it, Piper!
Now to power down
the StrongSuit...
[Power hums down]
And press eject.
[clacking]
Waah!
[They all cheer]
Yes! We did it!
By the way, guys,
it's me, Bowie!
[Audience laughs]
[♪♪♪]
What a day.
Thank goodness
we got the StrongSuit back.
Where is the StrongSuit?
[Mechanical whirring]
Hey, guys.
Don't mind me.
Just off to ride
the roller coaster.
Oh, come on!
[Laughs]
The weird part
is we still don't know
who told that little girl
not to give back the suit.
Who would try to ruin
everything for us like that?
[Speaks other language]
Schooled! Ha ha ha!
[Whispers]
You're right!
I never have to give it back!
I guess we'll never know.
[Cell phone rings]
Hello?
[Candace]:
Hello, Mr. Stole-My-Company.
Candace?
What do you want?
Just wondering
how your first week went.
Any... problems?
Nothing we couldn't handle!
Looks like our first toy's
going to be a big seller!
What?
We had a couple of kinks,
but we've worked them out.
We're going to clean up!
Well, not literally clean up.
We hired a sweet old woman
for that... Mrs. Bubkes.
Well, you haven't seen
the last of me!
[Audience laughs, gasps]
You may be riding high now...
but don't let it go
to your head.
[boing]
Hello?
Candace? Hello?
[♪♪♪]
Get ready
for the hottest new product
from Knickknack!
The StrongSuit!
Giving kids the power
to do anything they want!
And best of all!
It automatically goes
into remote control mode
at bedtime!
StrongSuit!
From Knickknack!
Some assembly required.
That was fun!
Can we do that every night?
I'm P. Everett
Knickknack.
The "P" stands
for POWER!
[♪♪♪]