Solar Opposites (2020–…): Season 3, Episode 4 - Hululand - full transcript
The Solars go to Hululand.
♪ dramatic theme playing ♪
♪
♪
[humming]
- Woo! Yeah! Today's the day!
We're going to
the awesomest place on earth,
Hululand, the official Hulu theme park!
And they didn't make us say this! Huluuu!
Bum bum... bum bum!
- Stop dabbing, Terry!
Nobody does that anymore.
- Wrong! Dabbing will be cool forever!
Dabbity dab dab!
- I'll admit that even I,
the stodgiest one of the bunch,
am looking forward to this trip.
We could use it after all the crap
we've been through lately.
That stuff with the trains.
All that business with the line.
You know, basically those two things.
- I've made a plan to make sure
we hit all the best rides
before the park closes
or it gets bought by Verizon.
Korvo, come on, look at the map.
I'm pointing. Look at my pointing, please!
- Fine. I will look at
a few pointings, but that's it.
- First, we hit the Handmaid's Tale:
Escape from Gilead Water Plume.
After that it's Pen15 Mountain.
Then we head for the thrilling
but grossly insensitive
Looming Tower Terror Tower.
Next we grab drinks
at the Palm Springs Tiki Lounge.
- Y'know, I want to watch
the Bosch stage show. Where's that?
- That show's not on Hulu.
- Yes, it is.
- No, it's not.
- Yes, it is, Terry!
I Bosch all the time.
I wouldn't even be allowed to say it
if it wasn't on Hulu.
- No, it's not, brah!
- You know what, Terry, I would bet
my life that Bosch is on Hulu!
- Well, then get ready to die
because they even say it on the map.
- Dammit! What's it on then? CNN?
- Oh my god, Korvo,
I can't believe you don't know
the exact streaming service
that every single show is on.
You're such a boomer!
- Shit, we gotta go! Get your shoes on.
- Whoop-whoop!
- Replicants, get the lead out!
We need to leave if we want to get
on the dinner reservation list
for Club 11.22.63!
That's the show where they time travel
to save JFK
and a secret diner above the log plume
where they serve lamb.
- Oh, I know it, and I love it!
BOTH: The Solar Opposites
are going to Hululand!
- And it's not going to be like that
Itchy and Scratchyland episode
of The Simpsons,
just to be clear right up front.
- We'll see about that.
KORVO:
Planet Shlorp was the perfect utopia
until the asteroid hit.
One hundred adults and their replicants
were issued a pupa
and escaped into... the space,
searching for new homes
on uninhabited worlds.
We crashed on Earth, stranding us
on an already overpopulated planet.
That's right. I've been talking
this whole time.
I'm the one holding the Pupa.
My name's Korvo.
This is-- this is my show.
I just dropped the Pupa. Do you see me?
[stammers] This is ridiculous.
I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.
People are stupid and confusing.
Why won't a billionaire take me with them
into-- when they go into space?
I'm a good navigator.
I'll bring some snacks.
Do you like Takis?
If you bring me to space,
I'll bring Takis.
♪
- Ugh! I can't decide if I should wear
my Ramy sun visor or my Dollface skullcap.
- Are we just going to be name-dropping
all the Hulu properties all day or what?
- Oh yeah, the corporate synergy
is going to get very gross.
Don't forget to open the last day
of your Countdown to Hululand
advent calendar.
- Hmm. Let's see what
the final stale piece is going to be.
- Ooh!
It's a The Great-flavored jellybean!
Hmm. I've always wondered
what The Great would taste like,
and now I know.
Blood on linen!
- I'm glad Korvo paid for season passes
so we won't have to watch a bunch of ads
as we walk through the park.
- Well, except for some rides which,
due to previous rights issues,
have to start and end
with a commercial for Lexus.
- I heard sometimes they try to sneak ads
into the actual rides
without telling people.
Not that I'd mind with Lexus.
Their vehicles are the peak
of luxury and automotive excellence!
KORVO: Will you two hurry the fuck up
before I get so mad that I squirt?
- Oh, good grief! Korvo won't stop saying
he's going to "squirt"
ever since he played
The Last Of Us Part 2.
It's tres embarrassing.
Ooh, leave the TV on.
The sound keeps the Wall peeps happy
when we aren't around.
Better feed them a little extra
in case we're gone for too long.
Enjoy the Duds, little buds!
- Breaking news! A gorilla
has just escaped the city zoo.
This is the first zoo escape since 1998
[door closes]
when a Chilean flamingo stole some clothes
and snuck out disguised as a teen boy...
- Beep... beep... beep--
- Hey, Blaine. Knock it off.
We're having a meeting over here.
- Oh, so sorry.
I just figured since this was a hospital,
you'd want to know the patient's status
with my beeps.
But I guess I'll just go fuck myself!
- Don't mind him. Blaine just takes
his Hos-play very seriously.
[moans]
- How's he doing?
- Well, it was miss for a while.
Then it was hit. And then
it alternated between miss and hit.
Or hit and miss--
- Could you just tell me in English?
- His vitals seem to be responding
to the contact lens fluid
we've been giving him intravenously.
He's lucky you guys got him
out of there when you did.
- How long will he be unconscious?
- In my professional opinion,
I'd say eight, maybe twelve weeks.
- Cherie?
[Cherie gasps]
- Tim!
- Of course he wakes up
right as I say eight to twelve weeks.
Gah, I look like such an idiot.
- You're alive! Cherie, oh god,
this whole year--
How did you survive in the backyard?
- Don't worry about that. [sighs]
You don't remember what you said
in the throne room, do you?
- No, I-- I don't remember anything.
- Even if you'd woken up
just five minutes later,
but right when I said it?
Ugh! I'm going to be thinking about this
for the rest of my--
- Get over it.
- The last couple months are a blur.
Where am I?
- Secret hospital room
in the Bowinian church,
being treated for lead poisoning.
- What? Who would poison me?
I'm a great guy!
- You did it to yourself, drinking out
of that cheap Burger King glass.
- I never drank out of
a Burger King glass!
- What? No, I watched you.
- That glass in my office is a replica.
I commissioned it
from our finest cup makers
for a daily hit of nostalgia!
It's lead free!
- No, that can't be right.
All of our cup makers refuse
to take commissions.
- You're done, Tim.
You're going on trial for your crimes.
It's time the people
of the Wall learn the truth.
- Wait. How long have I been out?
- Four days.
- Oh no! No, I'm late!
Look, Jesse's opened all the compartments.
That means the aliens have gone
on their trip!
- What trip?
- He's delirious.
- Haven't you seen them buy Dramamine
and individual orange juices?
- So?
- That's road trip stuff!
The aliens have left.
This is our chance to escape
and get big again!
- Is-- is that true?
- Is this really our chance
to free the Wall?
- Don't listen to him! It's a trick.
- Maybe, but if he's right
and they are out of town--
- And we get everyone to the hole--
- Guys, stop! The last time I trusted Tim,
he stabbed me with a toothpick.
This man is a total--
Shit! Where is he?
[panting]
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
♪
- Nooo!
♪
[screams]
♪
[screams]
[crowd yelling]
- We won,
but at such a heavy cost.
[crossbow clicks]
- Freeze or I'll put a staple
right through your bony ass.
- Cherie, stop.
Listen, I want to face up
to the crimes I've committed,
but now is not the time.
I've got to save us all!
- No way, you don't call
the shots anymore,
not after you tried to murder me!
- I know, you're right, but--
- You're coming back with me and--
[rumbling]
What the hell was that?
[metallic groaning]
TIM: The drawer is jammed!
We have to hurry.
The structural integrity
of that Milk Dud shan't hold for long!
- Tim!
[metallic groaning continues]
Fucking hell.
- Oh.
[creaking]
[gasps]
[creaking]
♪
♪
[lever slams]
[Cherie grunts]
[both scream]
[grunt]
- Carpet broke our fall.
I can't believe there's
breathable atmosphere out here!
- It's a bedroom.
- Right, right.
- I'm not done with you.
You can't just run from your--
- Yes, I can!
[both panting]
- Bola throw!
[bola whooshing]
[Tim grunts]
- This is over!
- Okay, okay--
- Huh?
♪
[softly] Don't move or make a sound.
- No, I've seen this thing. He's friendly.
Hey, big guy!
[roars]
[both scream]
[panting]
- I thought you said
the aliens were on a trip?
- I guess... maybe that one
got Home Alone'd or--
Oh my god!
[grunts]
- Tim! You fucker!
No!
[laser fires]
[gasps]
♪ triumphant music ♪
- It's the shrink ray! I reversed it!
Sorry, I should've said that
instead of just shoving you
in front of it and pulling the trigger.
I got caught up in the excitement!
Wait, wait! Before you kill me,
I want to say something.
Cherie, I hate the Wall!
It turned me into a person
that does bad things.
But even if I could somehow
travel back in time,
I'd still want Yumyulack
to shrink me down and put me in there,
because it's how I met you.
My life is richer, happier,
and better because you are in it.
And while I hate the Wall
more than anything,
I also kind of love it
because it gave me you.
But I messed up. I know I did.
And I'm sorry. Go ahead.
I'm ready to be smooshed
to death by your fingers.
You deserve it. Take your revenge.
Feel the power of the dark side
flowing through you.
♪
[laser fires]
- Oh Tim. There are things
I have to tell you.
When I was outside the Wall, I--
- Stop. Shh, no. We don't have time
for big reveals now.
We have to save the others.
Then everything that needs
to be said can be said.
- Are you sure?
It's kind of important.
- I'm sure as shit on Sunday.
- Wow, that's pretty sure.
- Ahh, how are we gonna do this?
Maybe have everyone climb out
the hole to the backyard?
- No, that'll take too long
and the backyard's too dangerous.
We'd either get caught by the aliens
or see a shit-ton of tiny people
eaten by squirrels.
PANEL: [in sultry voice]
Ooh, beep beep.
- Dammit, biometric security.
We need an alien's hand to open it.
- So what can we do?
Also, did that panel just make,
like, a sexy beep?
- Yeah, it was weirdly sexy.
We have to get help
before the aliens come back.
Citizens of the Wall, hear me now!
Cherie and I are leaving,
but I vow we will return and save you.
Our nightmare is at an end. Stay strong!
- For the wall!
♪
- Okie-dokie, so let me see
if I got this straight.
You're saying an alien tween
shrunk you down,
locked you in
an ant habitat-type terrarium
hidden in his bedroom wall.
There was a big Snowpiercer
-slash-Escape From New York-type
revolutionary war
to displace a "The Duke,"
after which you stabbed her
and became the new ruler.
But she survived.
Enemies became allies,
and now you've teamed up
to free the whole society?
- Yeah, that's exactly right.
Wow, when you didn't write any of it down,
I was worried you would forget.
- I did too!
- Am I on an episode
of Impractical Jokers?
Where are the cameras? Is Sal here?
- I wish to the lord above
this was an episode
of Impractical Jokers, but it's real.
Watch this!
- [gasps] You shrunk my round cakes!
- Sorry, but I had to prove our story.
Also, those are called donuts.
- Well, look, now I'm upset.
And no, not because I'm stereotypically
into round cakes--
- Donuts--
- But because it was my week
to buy them for my whole unit.
Now the guys are going to think
that I bought this tiny box as a joke
and, in turn, they'll suspect
I don't appreciate
when it's their week
and they get a full-size box.
- Sorry, I didn't realize the
internal politics here was a whole thing.
- However, these shrinky-dink treats
do prove your story,
which is a fucked-up bigger deal.
As a non-stereotypical officer of the law,
I just cannot ignore it.
- So you'll help us?
- You bet I will.
Let me put this into evidence...
eat a couple of these little roundies,
mmm, and call the SWAT team.
Now, where we can find
these alien psychos?
♪ upbeat music playing ♪
- Well, the Shrill Thrill Super Coaster
totally lives up to the hype!
And so do these Little Fires Everywhere
spicy Micheladas!
[groans]
- Yumyulack, are you okay?
You've barfed after every ride
we've been on.
- I bet it was all that Steven King's
Castle Rock Lobster Chowder
you slurped down.
I told you to go easy!
- No one tells me how to slurp chowder!
[sirens blaring]
[helicopter whirring]
[guns cocking]
SWAT LEADER:
Hey, fuckers, eat ground, now!
- Ooh, is this a photo experience?
What show are you from? The news?
[all scream]
[Jesse groans]
- I can't believe it.
They're being brought to justice.
I never thought this would happen!
TIM: The Wall is gonna be freed!
[Yumyulack, Jesse, and Terry gasp]
[cheering]
- They're letting them go?
- No. No, no, no.
Hey, officer, what is this?
- Apparently, those aliens
have been giving the feds
secret sci-fi technology for years,
and they have full immunity
for any and all crimes committed,
including shrink ray-ing
and wall-based imprisoning.
They are untouchable.
- No! No, this can't be happening!
- Oh, it's happening.
- You know how iPhones now have
that magnet on the back?
Apparently, that was these guys.
It's serious shit.
- Who cares about a fucking magnet?
It's just a fucking magnet!
I have those on my fucking fridge!
- I'm not the one buying an annual iPhone.
Tell it to the consumers.
- You can't let this happen!
It's not fair!
- Forget it, Tim.
It's Hululand.
[engines starting]
[sirens wailing]
- Okay, this is bad, but we can't give up.
Maybe we can talk to some lawyers,
or the media.
Or I could tweet at AOC,
and maybe she'll play Twitch with us.
We'll raise some awareness.
The Squad will help!
- I've spent the past two years
of my life fighting to survive,
and I'm tired of these aliens
and I'm tired of the Wall.
I'm done.
I just want to work
the Saturday shift at Benihana
and watch the sunset
from the bluff at Fourth Beach.
I have to move on, Tim.
And I think you need to, too.
- No, no, Cherie, it can't end like this.
We have to keep trying.
- No.
Goodbye.
♪ somber music playing ♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
NEWS ANCHOR: More developments
on the escaped gorilla.
- We came home to find
the gorilla had broken in
and eaten all of our cigarettes!
REPORTER: Eaten?
WOMAN: Eaten!
♪
♪
[sobs quietly]
♪
[all shouting]
- Are you okay, sir?
- No, there's only one person
who can help me.
- Not what I asked, but whatever.
CHEF:
Yeah, Cherie came back to work here,
but then she quit again yesterday.
- Do you know why?
- The manager thought it was 'cause
she couldn't get
her old Saturday shift back,
but I know something else was wrong.
Something in her very soul!
[patrons applauding, cheering]
I got no clue where she is now.
[slurps]
♪ serene music playing ♪
[seagulls squawking]
♪
♪
- Have you noticed
you're not the same size?
- What do you mean?
- Before I was shrunk,
I was five-foot-seven,
but now I'm only five-six-and-a-half.
Even after being enlarged,
I'm still not full size.
- [chuckles] Yeah.
I dropped a shoe size.
- Part of us is still back there.
In the Wall.
I thought I'd be able to slide back
into my old life,
but I keep having meltdowns
whenever I see candy
or little kids playing
with action figures.
- I know the feeling.
I almost crapped my pants
when someone snapped into a Slim Jim
on the bus the other day.
- I was wrong to give up.
We have to go back.
We have to go back and save the Wall.
- I believe in us.
- You trimmed your beard.
- Yeah. Bugs and shit
kept getting stuck in it.
- I like it.
How are we going to do this?
We don't even have the shrink ray.
- Don't worry. Daddy's got a plan.
- Shouldn't you do something
to disguise your voice?
- Way ahead of you.
- A voice scrambler!
I thought those were just in movies.
- I'm pretty sure they're real.
[beeping]
[line ringing]
OFFICER JAMES: Police department.
- Rawwr! This is the escaped gorilla.
I'm in the parking lot of the Target.
Defund the police! Rawwr!
OFFICER JAMES: Oh shit!
Guys, the gorilla's at the Target!
[sirens wailing]
- That's your cue.
♪
♪
CHERIE: That was easy.
- Aah!
- The cops didn't even lock anything.
Tim, your plan was so simple
and brilliant!
- It was just a little something
I cooked up, no biggie.
- So I got both things.
But what's this shotgun for?
Besides making us look sick as hell!
- You'll see.
- Well, I was skeptical, but that was
a delicious dinner at Lobster Bell,
the new combination Red Lobster-Taco Bell.
- Just listen to me next time.
I know my combo franchises.
- Well, I didn't like it
as much as Del Lobster Loco.
[all scream]
KORVO: What the fuck?
Who are you people?
TIM: Shut up.
Do exactly as I say or I'm gonna blow
this blue blob to snot, got it?
- Go ahead! Pull the trigger!
He means nothing to us!
[gun cocks]
Oh Jesus, god, no! I was bluffing!
Please don't shoot Pupa!
It was a pathetic bluff!
- Oh fuck! Wall people!
- Uh, what's a wall people?
- Upstairs. All of you. Now!
- What the shit?
You've been shrinking people
and putting them in a wall?
- Oh, that rules!
I mean, no, that's bad.
You should not be doing that.
- Quiet! You two are going to open
the Wall and release everyone.
- Don't do this, Tim.
- You--
You know my name?
- Of course I do.
Me and Jesse know all about you.
You're our favorite.
- Um, I'm right here.
- At first, I just shrank you
because you were wearing
a red shirt at Lolo Burger.
I watched how you went from zero to hero.
How the Duke had you
imprisoned and tortured.
How your writings inspired a revolution.
- We saw how you protected the Wall
from the truth about Ethan.
We've seen everything you've endured
and accomplished.
- Did you see me and Jean-Pierre
turn our backs to each other and crank it,
but we'd sneak looks at each other,
when we were in prison?
- Oh yeah.
- Tim, you know it would be wrong
to open the Wall.
Because, if you're really honest,
you know that everyone in the Wall
is where they're supposed to be.
Even you.
- And you.
- Fuck you, you little Greedo.
[screaming]
[grunts]
[cheering]
[groaning]
- I've never been more turned on
in my life.
- Now... open it.
PANEL: [in sultry voice]
Ughhh, beep beep.
- Okay, what is with that sultry beep?
- We chose the sexy setting as a joke,
but then we couldn't figure out
how to change it.
♪
[clanking, hissing]
♪ epic music ♪
♪
- Alright, everyone, one at a time.
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
[laughs]
- [sighs] That's everyone.
- It's finally over.
- Almost.
There's one more thing.
[shotgun cocks]
Go outside, Cherie.
You're not gonna want to see this.
- I understand.
[door closes]
- You think you can just treat people
like they're a little show-in-a-show?
Like we're not real people
with lives, huh?
Well, let's see how you like it.
[laser fires]
[Solar Opposites scream]
YUMYULACK: Ow.
- You can't just leave us in here!
How will we survive?
- Here's a jelly bean.
If you're careful,
that might last a month.
[rumbling]
[all screaming]
[frustrated grunt]
Now it's over.
- What you said when we escaped
the Wall was true:
all of this had to happen
to bring us together.
I love you, Tim.
- I love you, Cherie.
[both moaning]
MALE VOICE:
Not so fast, Tim!
- The escaped gorilla riding Ma-Mutt
from Thundercats?
- That's right, Tim. I've come
to recruit you for a brand-new mission.
The two of us have to go tomb raiding
in Central America.
We only have until the planets align,
and I have a journal from my father
full of secrets!
It's all very complicated,
and we have to go now!
- Now? I don't know--
- I understand your hesitation.
You thought your adventures were over.
- They are, aren't they?
- No, they're just beginning.
- Wow! Can Cherie come too?
- I'm gonna sit this one out, hot stuff.
But I'll be here when you get back.
- Then count me in, gorilla!
- Here, eat some cigarettes.
You'll need the energy for the flight.
[Ma-Mutt barks]
- Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
[laughing]
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
GORILLA: We're losing him.
We're losing him.
- What? Losing who?
What's wrong with the sky?
Is that light from the end
of Total Recall?
GORILLA: Ignore that! Have fun!
- [Sister Sasha grunts]
We're losing him!
We're losing him!
- His eyes are still moving
under the lids, see that?
- He's probably experiencing some kind of
"it was all a dream"-type hallucination
as his brain dies.
- Gorilla-- Ma-Mutt-- cigarettes --
- You hear that? That's some
dying brain shit right there.
- Well, that explains
why he's got a huge boner.
[coughs violently]
[groans]
BLAINE: Beeeeep.
- He's gone.
The lead, it was simply too much.
- Beeeep.
[gasping]
- Fuck. I wanted him
to pay for his crimes.
But of course he dodged that,
just like he always does.
[spits]
- In retrospect, it might not have been
a good idea
to fill his veins
with contact lens solution.
But hey, ya live, ya learn.
♪ serene music ♪
♪
♪
[flames crackling]
♪
- What the hell happens now?
♪
BOTH: Ah, Hulu.
- I need a vacation from my vacation.
- And I need a Lexus.
♪ dramatic theme playing ♪
♪
[mimicking laser fire]
♪
♪
[humming]
- Woo! Yeah! Today's the day!
We're going to
the awesomest place on earth,
Hululand, the official Hulu theme park!
And they didn't make us say this! Huluuu!
Bum bum... bum bum!
- Stop dabbing, Terry!
Nobody does that anymore.
- Wrong! Dabbing will be cool forever!
Dabbity dab dab!
- I'll admit that even I,
the stodgiest one of the bunch,
am looking forward to this trip.
We could use it after all the crap
we've been through lately.
That stuff with the trains.
All that business with the line.
You know, basically those two things.
- I've made a plan to make sure
we hit all the best rides
before the park closes
or it gets bought by Verizon.
Korvo, come on, look at the map.
I'm pointing. Look at my pointing, please!
- Fine. I will look at
a few pointings, but that's it.
- First, we hit the Handmaid's Tale:
Escape from Gilead Water Plume.
After that it's Pen15 Mountain.
Then we head for the thrilling
but grossly insensitive
Looming Tower Terror Tower.
Next we grab drinks
at the Palm Springs Tiki Lounge.
- Y'know, I want to watch
the Bosch stage show. Where's that?
- That show's not on Hulu.
- Yes, it is.
- No, it's not.
- Yes, it is, Terry!
I Bosch all the time.
I wouldn't even be allowed to say it
if it wasn't on Hulu.
- No, it's not, brah!
- You know what, Terry, I would bet
my life that Bosch is on Hulu!
- Well, then get ready to die
because they even say it on the map.
- Dammit! What's it on then? CNN?
- Oh my god, Korvo,
I can't believe you don't know
the exact streaming service
that every single show is on.
You're such a boomer!
- Shit, we gotta go! Get your shoes on.
- Whoop-whoop!
- Replicants, get the lead out!
We need to leave if we want to get
on the dinner reservation list
for Club 11.22.63!
That's the show where they time travel
to save JFK
and a secret diner above the log plume
where they serve lamb.
- Oh, I know it, and I love it!
BOTH: The Solar Opposites
are going to Hululand!
- And it's not going to be like that
Itchy and Scratchyland episode
of The Simpsons,
just to be clear right up front.
- We'll see about that.
KORVO:
Planet Shlorp was the perfect utopia
until the asteroid hit.
One hundred adults and their replicants
were issued a pupa
and escaped into... the space,
searching for new homes
on uninhabited worlds.
We crashed on Earth, stranding us
on an already overpopulated planet.
That's right. I've been talking
this whole time.
I'm the one holding the Pupa.
My name's Korvo.
This is-- this is my show.
I just dropped the Pupa. Do you see me?
[stammers] This is ridiculous.
I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.
People are stupid and confusing.
Why won't a billionaire take me with them
into-- when they go into space?
I'm a good navigator.
I'll bring some snacks.
Do you like Takis?
If you bring me to space,
I'll bring Takis.
♪
- Ugh! I can't decide if I should wear
my Ramy sun visor or my Dollface skullcap.
- Are we just going to be name-dropping
all the Hulu properties all day or what?
- Oh yeah, the corporate synergy
is going to get very gross.
Don't forget to open the last day
of your Countdown to Hululand
advent calendar.
- Hmm. Let's see what
the final stale piece is going to be.
- Ooh!
It's a The Great-flavored jellybean!
Hmm. I've always wondered
what The Great would taste like,
and now I know.
Blood on linen!
- I'm glad Korvo paid for season passes
so we won't have to watch a bunch of ads
as we walk through the park.
- Well, except for some rides which,
due to previous rights issues,
have to start and end
with a commercial for Lexus.
- I heard sometimes they try to sneak ads
into the actual rides
without telling people.
Not that I'd mind with Lexus.
Their vehicles are the peak
of luxury and automotive excellence!
KORVO: Will you two hurry the fuck up
before I get so mad that I squirt?
- Oh, good grief! Korvo won't stop saying
he's going to "squirt"
ever since he played
The Last Of Us Part 2.
It's tres embarrassing.
Ooh, leave the TV on.
The sound keeps the Wall peeps happy
when we aren't around.
Better feed them a little extra
in case we're gone for too long.
Enjoy the Duds, little buds!
- Breaking news! A gorilla
has just escaped the city zoo.
This is the first zoo escape since 1998
[door closes]
when a Chilean flamingo stole some clothes
and snuck out disguised as a teen boy...
- Beep... beep... beep--
- Hey, Blaine. Knock it off.
We're having a meeting over here.
- Oh, so sorry.
I just figured since this was a hospital,
you'd want to know the patient's status
with my beeps.
But I guess I'll just go fuck myself!
- Don't mind him. Blaine just takes
his Hos-play very seriously.
[moans]
- How's he doing?
- Well, it was miss for a while.
Then it was hit. And then
it alternated between miss and hit.
Or hit and miss--
- Could you just tell me in English?
- His vitals seem to be responding
to the contact lens fluid
we've been giving him intravenously.
He's lucky you guys got him
out of there when you did.
- How long will he be unconscious?
- In my professional opinion,
I'd say eight, maybe twelve weeks.
- Cherie?
[Cherie gasps]
- Tim!
- Of course he wakes up
right as I say eight to twelve weeks.
Gah, I look like such an idiot.
- You're alive! Cherie, oh god,
this whole year--
How did you survive in the backyard?
- Don't worry about that. [sighs]
You don't remember what you said
in the throne room, do you?
- No, I-- I don't remember anything.
- Even if you'd woken up
just five minutes later,
but right when I said it?
Ugh! I'm going to be thinking about this
for the rest of my--
- Get over it.
- The last couple months are a blur.
Where am I?
- Secret hospital room
in the Bowinian church,
being treated for lead poisoning.
- What? Who would poison me?
I'm a great guy!
- You did it to yourself, drinking out
of that cheap Burger King glass.
- I never drank out of
a Burger King glass!
- What? No, I watched you.
- That glass in my office is a replica.
I commissioned it
from our finest cup makers
for a daily hit of nostalgia!
It's lead free!
- No, that can't be right.
All of our cup makers refuse
to take commissions.
- You're done, Tim.
You're going on trial for your crimes.
It's time the people
of the Wall learn the truth.
- Wait. How long have I been out?
- Four days.
- Oh no! No, I'm late!
Look, Jesse's opened all the compartments.
That means the aliens have gone
on their trip!
- What trip?
- He's delirious.
- Haven't you seen them buy Dramamine
and individual orange juices?
- So?
- That's road trip stuff!
The aliens have left.
This is our chance to escape
and get big again!
- Is-- is that true?
- Is this really our chance
to free the Wall?
- Don't listen to him! It's a trick.
- Maybe, but if he's right
and they are out of town--
- And we get everyone to the hole--
- Guys, stop! The last time I trusted Tim,
he stabbed me with a toothpick.
This man is a total--
Shit! Where is he?
[panting]
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
♪
- Nooo!
♪
[screams]
♪
[screams]
[crowd yelling]
- We won,
but at such a heavy cost.
[crossbow clicks]
- Freeze or I'll put a staple
right through your bony ass.
- Cherie, stop.
Listen, I want to face up
to the crimes I've committed,
but now is not the time.
I've got to save us all!
- No way, you don't call
the shots anymore,
not after you tried to murder me!
- I know, you're right, but--
- You're coming back with me and--
[rumbling]
What the hell was that?
[metallic groaning]
TIM: The drawer is jammed!
We have to hurry.
The structural integrity
of that Milk Dud shan't hold for long!
- Tim!
[metallic groaning continues]
Fucking hell.
- Oh.
[creaking]
[gasps]
[creaking]
♪
♪
[lever slams]
[Cherie grunts]
[both scream]
[grunt]
- Carpet broke our fall.
I can't believe there's
breathable atmosphere out here!
- It's a bedroom.
- Right, right.
- I'm not done with you.
You can't just run from your--
- Yes, I can!
[both panting]
- Bola throw!
[bola whooshing]
[Tim grunts]
- This is over!
- Okay, okay--
- Huh?
♪
[softly] Don't move or make a sound.
- No, I've seen this thing. He's friendly.
Hey, big guy!
[roars]
[both scream]
[panting]
- I thought you said
the aliens were on a trip?
- I guess... maybe that one
got Home Alone'd or--
Oh my god!
[grunts]
- Tim! You fucker!
No!
[laser fires]
[gasps]
♪ triumphant music ♪
- It's the shrink ray! I reversed it!
Sorry, I should've said that
instead of just shoving you
in front of it and pulling the trigger.
I got caught up in the excitement!
Wait, wait! Before you kill me,
I want to say something.
Cherie, I hate the Wall!
It turned me into a person
that does bad things.
But even if I could somehow
travel back in time,
I'd still want Yumyulack
to shrink me down and put me in there,
because it's how I met you.
My life is richer, happier,
and better because you are in it.
And while I hate the Wall
more than anything,
I also kind of love it
because it gave me you.
But I messed up. I know I did.
And I'm sorry. Go ahead.
I'm ready to be smooshed
to death by your fingers.
You deserve it. Take your revenge.
Feel the power of the dark side
flowing through you.
♪
[laser fires]
- Oh Tim. There are things
I have to tell you.
When I was outside the Wall, I--
- Stop. Shh, no. We don't have time
for big reveals now.
We have to save the others.
Then everything that needs
to be said can be said.
- Are you sure?
It's kind of important.
- I'm sure as shit on Sunday.
- Wow, that's pretty sure.
- Ahh, how are we gonna do this?
Maybe have everyone climb out
the hole to the backyard?
- No, that'll take too long
and the backyard's too dangerous.
We'd either get caught by the aliens
or see a shit-ton of tiny people
eaten by squirrels.
PANEL: [in sultry voice]
Ooh, beep beep.
- Dammit, biometric security.
We need an alien's hand to open it.
- So what can we do?
Also, did that panel just make,
like, a sexy beep?
- Yeah, it was weirdly sexy.
We have to get help
before the aliens come back.
Citizens of the Wall, hear me now!
Cherie and I are leaving,
but I vow we will return and save you.
Our nightmare is at an end. Stay strong!
- For the wall!
♪
- Okie-dokie, so let me see
if I got this straight.
You're saying an alien tween
shrunk you down,
locked you in
an ant habitat-type terrarium
hidden in his bedroom wall.
There was a big Snowpiercer
-slash-Escape From New York-type
revolutionary war
to displace a "The Duke,"
after which you stabbed her
and became the new ruler.
But she survived.
Enemies became allies,
and now you've teamed up
to free the whole society?
- Yeah, that's exactly right.
Wow, when you didn't write any of it down,
I was worried you would forget.
- I did too!
- Am I on an episode
of Impractical Jokers?
Where are the cameras? Is Sal here?
- I wish to the lord above
this was an episode
of Impractical Jokers, but it's real.
Watch this!
- [gasps] You shrunk my round cakes!
- Sorry, but I had to prove our story.
Also, those are called donuts.
- Well, look, now I'm upset.
And no, not because I'm stereotypically
into round cakes--
- Donuts--
- But because it was my week
to buy them for my whole unit.
Now the guys are going to think
that I bought this tiny box as a joke
and, in turn, they'll suspect
I don't appreciate
when it's their week
and they get a full-size box.
- Sorry, I didn't realize the
internal politics here was a whole thing.
- However, these shrinky-dink treats
do prove your story,
which is a fucked-up bigger deal.
As a non-stereotypical officer of the law,
I just cannot ignore it.
- So you'll help us?
- You bet I will.
Let me put this into evidence...
eat a couple of these little roundies,
mmm, and call the SWAT team.
Now, where we can find
these alien psychos?
♪ upbeat music playing ♪
- Well, the Shrill Thrill Super Coaster
totally lives up to the hype!
And so do these Little Fires Everywhere
spicy Micheladas!
[groans]
- Yumyulack, are you okay?
You've barfed after every ride
we've been on.
- I bet it was all that Steven King's
Castle Rock Lobster Chowder
you slurped down.
I told you to go easy!
- No one tells me how to slurp chowder!
[sirens blaring]
[helicopter whirring]
[guns cocking]
SWAT LEADER:
Hey, fuckers, eat ground, now!
- Ooh, is this a photo experience?
What show are you from? The news?
[all scream]
[Jesse groans]
- I can't believe it.
They're being brought to justice.
I never thought this would happen!
TIM: The Wall is gonna be freed!
[Yumyulack, Jesse, and Terry gasp]
[cheering]
- They're letting them go?
- No. No, no, no.
Hey, officer, what is this?
- Apparently, those aliens
have been giving the feds
secret sci-fi technology for years,
and they have full immunity
for any and all crimes committed,
including shrink ray-ing
and wall-based imprisoning.
They are untouchable.
- No! No, this can't be happening!
- Oh, it's happening.
- You know how iPhones now have
that magnet on the back?
Apparently, that was these guys.
It's serious shit.
- Who cares about a fucking magnet?
It's just a fucking magnet!
I have those on my fucking fridge!
- I'm not the one buying an annual iPhone.
Tell it to the consumers.
- You can't let this happen!
It's not fair!
- Forget it, Tim.
It's Hululand.
[engines starting]
[sirens wailing]
- Okay, this is bad, but we can't give up.
Maybe we can talk to some lawyers,
or the media.
Or I could tweet at AOC,
and maybe she'll play Twitch with us.
We'll raise some awareness.
The Squad will help!
- I've spent the past two years
of my life fighting to survive,
and I'm tired of these aliens
and I'm tired of the Wall.
I'm done.
I just want to work
the Saturday shift at Benihana
and watch the sunset
from the bluff at Fourth Beach.
I have to move on, Tim.
And I think you need to, too.
- No, no, Cherie, it can't end like this.
We have to keep trying.
- No.
Goodbye.
♪ somber music playing ♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
NEWS ANCHOR: More developments
on the escaped gorilla.
- We came home to find
the gorilla had broken in
and eaten all of our cigarettes!
REPORTER: Eaten?
WOMAN: Eaten!
♪
♪
[sobs quietly]
♪
[all shouting]
- Are you okay, sir?
- No, there's only one person
who can help me.
- Not what I asked, but whatever.
CHEF:
Yeah, Cherie came back to work here,
but then she quit again yesterday.
- Do you know why?
- The manager thought it was 'cause
she couldn't get
her old Saturday shift back,
but I know something else was wrong.
Something in her very soul!
[patrons applauding, cheering]
I got no clue where she is now.
[slurps]
♪ serene music playing ♪
[seagulls squawking]
♪
♪
- Have you noticed
you're not the same size?
- What do you mean?
- Before I was shrunk,
I was five-foot-seven,
but now I'm only five-six-and-a-half.
Even after being enlarged,
I'm still not full size.
- [chuckles] Yeah.
I dropped a shoe size.
- Part of us is still back there.
In the Wall.
I thought I'd be able to slide back
into my old life,
but I keep having meltdowns
whenever I see candy
or little kids playing
with action figures.
- I know the feeling.
I almost crapped my pants
when someone snapped into a Slim Jim
on the bus the other day.
- I was wrong to give up.
We have to go back.
We have to go back and save the Wall.
- I believe in us.
- You trimmed your beard.
- Yeah. Bugs and shit
kept getting stuck in it.
- I like it.
How are we going to do this?
We don't even have the shrink ray.
- Don't worry. Daddy's got a plan.
- Shouldn't you do something
to disguise your voice?
- Way ahead of you.
- A voice scrambler!
I thought those were just in movies.
- I'm pretty sure they're real.
[beeping]
[line ringing]
OFFICER JAMES: Police department.
- Rawwr! This is the escaped gorilla.
I'm in the parking lot of the Target.
Defund the police! Rawwr!
OFFICER JAMES: Oh shit!
Guys, the gorilla's at the Target!
[sirens wailing]
- That's your cue.
♪
♪
CHERIE: That was easy.
- Aah!
- The cops didn't even lock anything.
Tim, your plan was so simple
and brilliant!
- It was just a little something
I cooked up, no biggie.
- So I got both things.
But what's this shotgun for?
Besides making us look sick as hell!
- You'll see.
- Well, I was skeptical, but that was
a delicious dinner at Lobster Bell,
the new combination Red Lobster-Taco Bell.
- Just listen to me next time.
I know my combo franchises.
- Well, I didn't like it
as much as Del Lobster Loco.
[all scream]
KORVO: What the fuck?
Who are you people?
TIM: Shut up.
Do exactly as I say or I'm gonna blow
this blue blob to snot, got it?
- Go ahead! Pull the trigger!
He means nothing to us!
[gun cocks]
Oh Jesus, god, no! I was bluffing!
Please don't shoot Pupa!
It was a pathetic bluff!
- Oh fuck! Wall people!
- Uh, what's a wall people?
- Upstairs. All of you. Now!
- What the shit?
You've been shrinking people
and putting them in a wall?
- Oh, that rules!
I mean, no, that's bad.
You should not be doing that.
- Quiet! You two are going to open
the Wall and release everyone.
- Don't do this, Tim.
- You--
You know my name?
- Of course I do.
Me and Jesse know all about you.
You're our favorite.
- Um, I'm right here.
- At first, I just shrank you
because you were wearing
a red shirt at Lolo Burger.
I watched how you went from zero to hero.
How the Duke had you
imprisoned and tortured.
How your writings inspired a revolution.
- We saw how you protected the Wall
from the truth about Ethan.
We've seen everything you've endured
and accomplished.
- Did you see me and Jean-Pierre
turn our backs to each other and crank it,
but we'd sneak looks at each other,
when we were in prison?
- Oh yeah.
- Tim, you know it would be wrong
to open the Wall.
Because, if you're really honest,
you know that everyone in the Wall
is where they're supposed to be.
Even you.
- And you.
- Fuck you, you little Greedo.
[screaming]
[grunts]
[cheering]
[groaning]
- I've never been more turned on
in my life.
- Now... open it.
PANEL: [in sultry voice]
Ughhh, beep beep.
- Okay, what is with that sultry beep?
- We chose the sexy setting as a joke,
but then we couldn't figure out
how to change it.
♪
[clanking, hissing]
♪ epic music ♪
♪
- Alright, everyone, one at a time.
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
[laughs]
- [sighs] That's everyone.
- It's finally over.
- Almost.
There's one more thing.
[shotgun cocks]
Go outside, Cherie.
You're not gonna want to see this.
- I understand.
[door closes]
- You think you can just treat people
like they're a little show-in-a-show?
Like we're not real people
with lives, huh?
Well, let's see how you like it.
[laser fires]
[Solar Opposites scream]
YUMYULACK: Ow.
- You can't just leave us in here!
How will we survive?
- Here's a jelly bean.
If you're careful,
that might last a month.
[rumbling]
[all screaming]
[frustrated grunt]
Now it's over.
- What you said when we escaped
the Wall was true:
all of this had to happen
to bring us together.
I love you, Tim.
- I love you, Cherie.
[both moaning]
MALE VOICE:
Not so fast, Tim!
- The escaped gorilla riding Ma-Mutt
from Thundercats?
- That's right, Tim. I've come
to recruit you for a brand-new mission.
The two of us have to go tomb raiding
in Central America.
We only have until the planets align,
and I have a journal from my father
full of secrets!
It's all very complicated,
and we have to go now!
- Now? I don't know--
- I understand your hesitation.
You thought your adventures were over.
- They are, aren't they?
- No, they're just beginning.
- Wow! Can Cherie come too?
- I'm gonna sit this one out, hot stuff.
But I'll be here when you get back.
- Then count me in, gorilla!
- Here, eat some cigarettes.
You'll need the energy for the flight.
[Ma-Mutt barks]
- Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
[laughing]
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
GORILLA: We're losing him.
We're losing him.
- What? Losing who?
What's wrong with the sky?
Is that light from the end
of Total Recall?
GORILLA: Ignore that! Have fun!
- [Sister Sasha grunts]
We're losing him!
We're losing him!
- His eyes are still moving
under the lids, see that?
- He's probably experiencing some kind of
"it was all a dream"-type hallucination
as his brain dies.
- Gorilla-- Ma-Mutt-- cigarettes --
- You hear that? That's some
dying brain shit right there.
- Well, that explains
why he's got a huge boner.
[coughs violently]
[groans]
BLAINE: Beeeeep.
- He's gone.
The lead, it was simply too much.
- Beeeep.
[gasping]
- Fuck. I wanted him
to pay for his crimes.
But of course he dodged that,
just like he always does.
[spits]
- In retrospect, it might not have been
a good idea
to fill his veins
with contact lens solution.
But hey, ya live, ya learn.
♪ serene music ♪
♪
♪
[flames crackling]
♪
- What the hell happens now?
♪
BOTH: Ah, Hulu.
- I need a vacation from my vacation.
- And I need a Lexus.
♪ dramatic theme playing ♪
♪
[mimicking laser fire]