Solar Opposites (2020–…): Season 3, Episode 10 - Terry and Korvo Get in a Big Screaming Fight in the Taco Bell Parking Lot - full transcript
Assume the position and prepare for justice.
♪
- Terry, if you didn't waste so much time
picking out which Tums to bring,
we'd be at Taco Bell by now.
You know damn well the Live Mas-er deal
only comes once a year!
- Different flavor Tums pair
with different Mountain Dews.
Geez, watch Chef's Table sometime.
- I just hope we don't miss out
on all the good hot sauce packet quips.
- I swear if I get
"Here today, gone tamale" again,
I'll have to lose faith in the dedication
of the T-Bell copywriters.
- Looks like Glen left his car on the curb
for one too many Mondays.
- He's gotta learn the street sweepers
rule this domain with an iron broom.
- Yeah, or maybe
he hasn't moved his car
because you two shot him
into space!
You know, 'cause of that whole thing
with the crystal skull vodka bullet?
- What? What bullet?
I don't remember that.
- How do you not remember
shooting a guy into space?
That's kind of a big deal.
- No, it's not, I shoot stuff
into space all the time.
You wish you shut stuff into spa--
- Shut the fuck up or I'll shoot you
into space right now!
YUMYULACK:
I didn't ask to be on this mission!
- Both of you stop it!
We're going to Taco Bell
as a family.
This is supposed to be the happiest day
of the week, and you are ruining it.
- Still, do you think Glen is okay
up there in space?
KORVO:
There's no "up there."
Earth is in space,
dogs are in space,
we're in space,
Glen is in space.
Don't make a whole thing
out of it.
TERRY: Yeah, and that's the last
I ever want to hear about Glen.
♪ epic music playing ♪
♪
♪ rock music playing ♪
♪
[camera shutter clicks]
[growls]
♪
- Hey! Hey! Someone let me out of here!
This is bullshit!
I've watched enough Law and Order
with my senile, alcoholic mom
to know I get a phone call.
Come on, please! I'm a human!
I don't belong here.
- Well, I'll be damned.
You're a homo sapien, ain't you?
- Yes! Oh, thank god, I am!
You gotta get me out of here.
- Woo-boy! We got
a real live human being.
- I can't believe
you speak English!
- English? No, my SilverSuit translates
your human tongue.
- Wait, then why can I understand you?
And why do you have human stuff,
the hat, the guitar?
- Shut the frunk up.
How did you get all the way
into this galaxy?
- My asshole alien neighbor shot me
into space for literally no reason.
I don't belong here.
They look just like these guys.
LONESUN:
Shlorpians.
They spread around the galaxy
like toxic mold on a college shower head.
Listen, kid, I can tell
you ain't no criminal.
Just a guy caught in the wrong place
at the wrong time.
- Yes, exactly! Thank you.
Thank you so much!
- Put your worries aside,
Glen of Earth.
We'll get you the justice
you deserve.
Them Shlorpians should never have messed
with... the SilverCops.
♪ foreboding music plays ♪
[fire crackling]
[gasps]
[dripping]
HALK: You okay?
- Barely.
We're on Yumyulack's Seinfeld set,
the very bottom of the Wall.
- At least there isn't
anywhere else to fall.
- I know how to get us out of here,
I had the--
- Shh!
Seinfeld's walls.
[wings fluttering]
Shit, mosquitoes!
They're everywhere!
- [whispering] Don't make a sound.
[squeals]
- Fucking larva!
[mosquitoes screeching]
- Shit! Mosquitoes always defend
their young! Run!
[screeching]
[thudding]
[squeaks]
- What the fuck?
[squeaking]
- Citronella?
- Cherie, look. There's the bottom
of the Boo Hoo hole.
It's been capped with a pog.
Oh my god,
do you remember those?
- Uh, no.
- It was a game we used to play,
kinda like the '90s version
of marbles.
- I must have been too busy
banging hot dudes to notice.
- Wait, you were banging in the '90s?
How old are you?
- Look! This tape,
we can get this off easy.
Finally, a light at the end
of this fucked up tunnel.
[both scream]
[screeches]
[whistling]
- Did that candle just whistle?
[whistling]
[hissing]
[evil laughter]
- Welcome to my humble abode.
- Oh my god,
he's embedded in the candle.
- I used to be the CEO of AT&T,
then I was a farmer
with a loyal little mouse.
And now I am king
of the roaches.
- You mean the mosquitoes?
Wait, fuck, are there also roaches?
- I've always had
a connection to animals.
I control my insect army by blowing
into one of their skulls.
It simulates their language.
Behold!
[whistling]
[hissing]
I made them kiss!
- Jesus, he's lost his mind.
- At this point,
he's more citronella than man.
- This is a lovely kingdom
you have here.
We're just going to head out
and leave you to it.
- No!
[mosquitoes screeching]
You and your kind ruined my life.
I had the perfect popsicle stick barn,
and I had Molly.
Your wall war killed her.
She was an innocent.
- We all lost people that day.
- She wasn't people.
She was a mouse!
You took her from me,
and now I will take the same from you.
- Our... mice?
- Your lives!
[whistling]
[both grunt]
[mosquitoes snarling]
[both scream]
LONESUN: The SilverCops
protect the entire quadrant.
A unified brotherhood of justice made up
of aliens from different planets.
How's the arm, Glammerjammer?
- Oh, you should have seen
the other guy!
- This is fuckin' tits, bro.
Ooh, ooh, do you guys have laser guns
and all sorts of cool sci-fi shit?
Lightsabers? Time traveling, like,
refrigerator bed or something like that?
- We don't need that.
The SilverSuit is the most
powerful weapon in the universe.
The ancient Silverites crafted it
from pure silver that flows
from the SilverFalls.
Only those with the purest of hearts
can operate it.
A truncheon, a gun,
a coffee mug for stakeouts:
the SilverSuit makes it all.
- Oh, so you guys are like
Green Lanterns.
- The what?
- Green Lanterns, the comic book.
Galactic cops. Magic rings.
- No, that's stupid. We're
a totally different, way cooler thing.
Anyway, this here's the room
that holds the silverbattery
we charge our SilverSuits with
by reciting an ancient haiku.
- Sick.
- So, you ready
to be a part of this?
- A part? Uh, you mean--
- I'm offering you a job
as a SilverCop.
- But I'm just a regular dude
trying to get back to his home planet.
I'm not looking for a job in space.
- The galaxy calls you, Glen.
SilverCops have every race represented
in our force, but we're missing one.
- Italian?
- Human.
Human beings,
they got a special skill
that no other alien
in the galaxy got.
- Yeah, we can beatbox!
[beatboxing]
- No. Intuition, instinct.
You can follow your gut.
Humans are famous for it.
- Oh yeah, like how I always know
how a woman's tweet can be better
if I explain it to them.
- Exactly! Hot damn! That famous intuition
is already in full effect.
Look, the silver life ain't for everyone,
but the forces of evil never sleep.
We could really use someone
with your super powers on the force.
What do you say?
- I say... this!
[beatboxing]
Oh, that meant "yes."
I'll be a SilverCop, yeah.
♪
- SilverTeam! I'd like to introduce you
to our newest recruit.
Glen of Earth.
- Oh my god, a human?
- A human SilverCop?
- On SilverWorld?
- Glen, this is Ventrez,
my second in command.
- Friends call me Trez.
Females call me... all the time.
[laughs]
LONESUN:
Glorgax, my hand-to-hand specialist.
- More like claw-to-claw.
- And who could forget Pobo!
- Jelly time?
- Not right now, little buddy.
- [sadly] Pobo.
- Are you fucking kidding me, LoneSun?
A human can't handle
the weight of silverjustice.
The salt cartel will eat him alive!
- Cromus, I've seen his intuition
in action. It's special.
- Bullshit.
Just because he has instinct
doesn't mean he's pure enough
for a SilverSuit.
- I think he is.
- No way.
- How 'bout we find out, pardner?
♪
♪
- Alright, let's get you suited up.
- No! I change my mind.
I just want to get back to earth
and get my neighbors arrested
for shooting me into space.
- Let the little puss walk.
I told you he isn't cut out for this.
- Now hey,
if I knew where earth was,
I would have saddled up
a human a long time ago.
But I don't and I didn't.
Now if you want a fleeborg's chance
on a hot scorched skittle
of finding your way home,
you better put on that SilverSuit.
[groans]
[chanting]
[screams]
- Ah! Fuck!
♪ angelic music plays ♪
Oh, I feel so powerful!
Like I've gotten the approval
of my dad!
- Think how proud
your dad would be to see this.
- Oh, he'd be super proud.
My dad loved guns.
He used to sit up all night,
holding one in his lap,
staring off into the distance.
What a guy.
[clicks, beeping]
[plops]
Dammit. Ugh, gimme a second,
it-it-it's my first time.
- The SilverSuit is an extension
of your own confidence.
The more the suit detects your purity,
the more powers it'll unlock.
- Purity, right, gotta be pure.
[whirring]
[grunts]
[coin clinks]
[Cromus laughs]
- I told you this little idiot
was out of his league.
Cut him loose.
He'll never be a Silver.
- Why are you doing this?
- You don't have
to live in a candle.
We can help you get back
to the upper levels.
Jesse gave us a SodaStream
the other day, it's awesome.
- SodaStreams are stupid.
The soda tastes weird,
and the carbon dioxide
fucks up your teeth.
Besides, it's the people I hate.
- What did we ever do to you?
- I sacrificed everything
for your war, and for what?
More lies from Tim?
Murders covered up by you?
Faking your death?
- I didn't fake it! I was-- Ahh!
- Save your breath,
it won't stop me from cleansing
the upper levels for good.
I came down here looking
for Molly's remains,
but instead I found the standing water
you all never bothered to clean up.
Did you know a hundred mosquito eggs fit
in a single bottle cap of standing water.
With this, I was able
to build an insect army,
one I will unleash
through the Boo Hoo Hole
to bring balance back to the Wall
by killing at least half of every man
and woman up there.
[screeches]
- So basically
you're ripping off Thanos.
- Nah-uh, because in Endgame,
Thanos is using the infinity stones
to snap everyone into dust.
I have a cool insect army.
- Bullshit. You are totally
ripping off Thanos!
- Fine. I am ripping off Thanos!
I am ripping off Thanos
and balancing the Wall!
♪
- Look, no one gets it on their first day.
You're being too hard on yourself.
-Don't. Okay?
Only losers spend time trying
to get good at stuff
they aren't perfect at immediately.
- Tell me, Glen of Earth.
What do you want?
- To get back home,
to take a shit in a human toilet,
play some lottery scratchers,
watch some porn.
- The SilverSuit isn't a frunking taxi.
By wearing it,
you become justice.
Now, what do you want?
- I don't know, uh--
- Tell me!
- I want my neighbors to pay
for what they did to my car!
It wasn't just any car,
it was a Johnny Tran limited edition
from The Fast and Furious collection.
I even got the vanity plate!
[yelps]
- I don't care about all that.
Why is the car special to you?
- Because I have
no personality, alright!
To you I seem like a cool,
mysterious alien
but back home,
I don't have any personality,
so I peacock with cars.
If there's any ding or scratch in them,
it makes it easier for people to see
that I'm a fucking loser.
- That's pure.
Clear your mind
and focus only on that.
- Focus on being a loser
with a car fetish?
- Yes. With a little help from this.
- Salt? But isn't that the drug
you guys are in charge of busting?
- What're you gonna do, arrest me?
This will get you to relax.
Helps with the silver bonding process.
- How long's it take to--
[babbling]
♪
[grunting]
- Aw yeah, frunk my brain
with your memories,
you freaky little bitch.
GLEN: Oh my god, you are so good
at whatever that is.
- Now eat my alien ass.
[Glen mumbling]
[both moaning]
- Holy shit!
[grunting]
- Glorgax, look! It worked!
[farts]
♪
[whooshing]
♪
[whooshing]
♪
[shattering]
[explosions boom]
Y'all see that shit!
I'm a SilverCop now! Woo!
- Man's more silver
than second place!
- Pobo!
- Yeah, well, whatever.
There's a lot more to it than that.
- I don't know, seems like he's got
the hang of it to me.
Hey, I tell you what.
Let's bring him along to the raid.
- Are you kidding me?
- Jelly time!
- No, goddammit. No, Pobo!
- Well, we all gotta get thrown
into the fire sometime.
Why not now?
- Fine. Just keep his rookie shit
the fuck away from me.
- Alright.
[cheering]
[evil laughter]
- Today, I Thanos the Wall!
[laughs]
- Laugh it up, Yankee Candle.
There's just one problem with your plan.
- Please, I invented charging 10 cents
for text messages,
I think I know how to plan a plan.
[mosquitoes screech]
[laughs]
- Nice aim, you dumb bitch!
All you did was open
the Boo Hoo Hole,
which I was about to do anyway!
- Yeah, well,
that's what I was hoping.
Because you know what
the Boo Hoo Hole is full of?
- Cr-crying? I don't know.
[screeching]
CHERIE: Spiders, bitch!
This shit got foreshadowed days ago!
- No!
- Alright, now listen up!
Our target is Trog Thracian.
He's the biggest salt dealer
in this system.
Peddles exclusively
to little kids and babies.
- This is the frunker who invented
Traversian Lotion.
That's where you torture someone
by rubbing acid on their dick
until it melts off.
- Noodles.
- Ventrez and I will be entering
from the rear.
Glorgax, Pobo: left flank.
Cromus, Glen: take the right.
- I told you to keep this little frunk
away from me.
- Sorry, Cromey.
We need our best with the rookie.
Show him the ropes.
- If you know what's best for you,
you'll leave while you still can.
Use that human intuition
I've heard so much about.
- Whatever, bro. You saw me flying,
I'm pure as hell.
I got this.
- Ugh.
- Alright, people! Go! Go! Go!
♪ rock music playing ♪
[laughing]
[grunting]
- We need to get the hell out of here.
- Yeah, you fuckin' think?
[Cherie grunts]
[spider screeching]
- Aah!
- You don't run a multi-national
communications company
without learning some Krav Maga
along the way!
- Cherie, get outta here!
[grunts]
[screaming]
- I lived my whole life
worried about coverage,
and now it's what's killing me.
- After this, let's be boring.
- Amen to that.
♪ rock music playing ♪
♪
- Look, Glen, I know
what you're trying to do,
but you really need to get
the fuck out of here.
- Yo, get off my back, Cromus.
What's your problem with me?
I'm just trying to do my job.
- No, you're fucking not.
You're playing
a pathetic superhero fantasy,
but this is real life.
People get hurt.
- Whatever, dude. I get it,
you're the Raphael of the group.
Cool but rude. By this time next week,
we're going to be best friends.
♪
♪ foreboding music plays ♪
This is just an empty warehouse.
Where are the drugs?
- LoneSun,
your informant burned us!
♪
- Maybe the perps are making a getaway.
Maybe we can tone down
whatever sinister thing this is.
- No, the Osmernian frunk rat
we're after is right here.
- Oh! Is he like the Predator
with the see-through suit or something?
- Shut the frunk up, human.
- Hey! Leave the kid alone.
I've been with him this whole time.
He didn't do anything.
He's not a rat.
- Oh, I know. You are.
- Whoa, what are you doing?
- Drop the silvergun!
- I can't, I can't, I'm not in control!
Whoa, what the fuck!
What are you doing, man?
I, I didn't do that!
I didn't do that!
- GoldCop! GoldCop!
- Salt cartel must've tipped you off, huh?
- No, it was your arrogance.
- You people think just because
you're higher up on the periodic table
you can be sloppy!
[Cromus groans]
- Guys, what is going on here!
It's Cromus. He's one of us!
- By order of the Gold,
you are hereby under arrest.
[coughs]
Anything you silver-do
or silver-say will be--
[groans]
- Frunking GoldCops make me sick.
- Glen! I told you to get out.
- Stop it! What are you doing?
I thought we were the good guys?
- What part of "cops"
don't you understand?
[laughter]
- Shit. Gotta think pure thoughts.
- Guess what? I made that purity shit up
to get you back in the game.
[fizzles, plops]
- SilverSuits don't run on purity.
It takes years of practice,
you frunking idiot.
- But... my human intuition.
- I grabbed you out of that cell
because you're a backwater rube.
If you had any ounce of real instinct,
you would've seen that coming a mile away.
- When the other Golds find out
what you did,
they will hunt you down
like a mawg.
- Oh, for sure, except we'll be too busy
helping them track down
the dirty human who killed you.
- No.
- Please, please don't do this.
- Thanks for letting the SilverSuit bond
with your DNA.
It makes it a lot easier
to frame you for murder.
- Fuck you. Fuck you all--
- Oh god. Oh god!
[retches]
- I might be crazy,
but that was mighty hot.
[both moan]
- Ugh, nothing gets me wetter
than a good framing.
Mmm.
- Jelly time?
- Yes, Pobo, jelly time.
[all moan]
- What am I forgetting?
Oh yeah!
To apprehend the bastard
that stole the SilverSuit
out of the evidence locker
and killed a GoldCop.
[chainsaw whirring]
- Please, please don't do this.
I'm begging you.
I'm just a pathetic car guy!
- Just shut the frunk up
and die with some dignity.
- No!
[grunts]
[laughter]
[all shouting]
[mosquito chittering]
- Oh god, the queen mosquito!
[Halk grunts]
[screams]
- Halk!
[straining]
- Cherie, get out of here!
[metallic creaking]
[Cherie grunting]
- Promise me you'll take care
of little Pezlie.
- So will you.
- I can't have a child of my own,
so knowing you'll take care of yours
will make this easier.
- Halk, shut up.
No more adventures, okay?
- You're right.
No more adventures.
Tell Nova I love her, and I'm sorry.
- Noooo!
♪ melancholy music ♪
[sobs]
Somebody help!
Please!
[crying]
Hello? Where is everyone?
♪
What the hell?
- Oh my Jesse, are you okay?
- What is going on here?
- It's the baptism for the miracle child
gifted to us by Jesse.
[crowd cheering, applauding]
- Welcome, Bowinians,
to the birth of a new age!
Our sweet Jesse has gifted us
the sweetest candy of all.
- Pezlie! That's my baby!
Give me back my daughter, you bitch!
- Cherie is right!
This baby is her daughter.
She's all our daughters.
This child's mother is the Wall!
CROWD: [chanting]
Wall's Baby! Wall's Baby! Wall's Baby!
- No! I'm telling the truth!
Just ask Sister Sasha.
- Sister Sasha died of a heart attack
just last night.
- You did this!
You're a fucking psycho.
- By gifting us this sacred child,
Jesse has bestowed upon the Church
the great honor
of leading the Wall into the future!
Let the baptism commence!
- Stop! That's my baby! Pezlie!
Mommy's coming!
Ugh, you fuckers!
Ugh, let me go!
I'm fucking coming for you!
[sizzling]
[Pezlie crying]
[indiscernible chatter]
- [crying] No, no, no.
[alarm blaring]
- Aw shit.
Someone must have called in
the gunshots.
- Ah, don't matter.
Atmosphere turns deadly at dawn.
Without a SilverSuit,
he's frunked.
[all laugh]
[sobbing]
[mumbling]
- I miss my car.
[sobs]
[insects buzzing]
♪
[whooshing]
[tires squealing]
- Hurry! Get out of there!
- Ah! Ah! Oh noooo!
JESSE:
Sick, Terry.
Jesus!
Get some Depends, why dontcha?
Gross! Yuck!
- Dammit, Terry!
You know what happens
if you eat more than your weight
in Taco Bell.
- I can't help it!
I love that cheesy crunch! Oh.
- Stop it! You're ruining the upholstery
with your goobler diarrhea!
Lo siento! Lo sient--
Ohhh!
- He's going to be doing that all night.
- Oh yeah.
[grunting and groaning continue]
♪ dramatic theme playing ♪
[mimicking laser fire]
- Terry, if you didn't waste so much time
picking out which Tums to bring,
we'd be at Taco Bell by now.
You know damn well the Live Mas-er deal
only comes once a year!
- Different flavor Tums pair
with different Mountain Dews.
Geez, watch Chef's Table sometime.
- I just hope we don't miss out
on all the good hot sauce packet quips.
- I swear if I get
"Here today, gone tamale" again,
I'll have to lose faith in the dedication
of the T-Bell copywriters.
- Looks like Glen left his car on the curb
for one too many Mondays.
- He's gotta learn the street sweepers
rule this domain with an iron broom.
- Yeah, or maybe
he hasn't moved his car
because you two shot him
into space!
You know, 'cause of that whole thing
with the crystal skull vodka bullet?
- What? What bullet?
I don't remember that.
- How do you not remember
shooting a guy into space?
That's kind of a big deal.
- No, it's not, I shoot stuff
into space all the time.
You wish you shut stuff into spa--
- Shut the fuck up or I'll shoot you
into space right now!
YUMYULACK:
I didn't ask to be on this mission!
- Both of you stop it!
We're going to Taco Bell
as a family.
This is supposed to be the happiest day
of the week, and you are ruining it.
- Still, do you think Glen is okay
up there in space?
KORVO:
There's no "up there."
Earth is in space,
dogs are in space,
we're in space,
Glen is in space.
Don't make a whole thing
out of it.
TERRY: Yeah, and that's the last
I ever want to hear about Glen.
♪ epic music playing ♪
♪
♪ rock music playing ♪
♪
[camera shutter clicks]
[growls]
♪
- Hey! Hey! Someone let me out of here!
This is bullshit!
I've watched enough Law and Order
with my senile, alcoholic mom
to know I get a phone call.
Come on, please! I'm a human!
I don't belong here.
- Well, I'll be damned.
You're a homo sapien, ain't you?
- Yes! Oh, thank god, I am!
You gotta get me out of here.
- Woo-boy! We got
a real live human being.
- I can't believe
you speak English!
- English? No, my SilverSuit translates
your human tongue.
- Wait, then why can I understand you?
And why do you have human stuff,
the hat, the guitar?
- Shut the frunk up.
How did you get all the way
into this galaxy?
- My asshole alien neighbor shot me
into space for literally no reason.
I don't belong here.
They look just like these guys.
LONESUN:
Shlorpians.
They spread around the galaxy
like toxic mold on a college shower head.
Listen, kid, I can tell
you ain't no criminal.
Just a guy caught in the wrong place
at the wrong time.
- Yes, exactly! Thank you.
Thank you so much!
- Put your worries aside,
Glen of Earth.
We'll get you the justice
you deserve.
Them Shlorpians should never have messed
with... the SilverCops.
♪ foreboding music plays ♪
[fire crackling]
[gasps]
[dripping]
HALK: You okay?
- Barely.
We're on Yumyulack's Seinfeld set,
the very bottom of the Wall.
- At least there isn't
anywhere else to fall.
- I know how to get us out of here,
I had the--
- Shh!
Seinfeld's walls.
[wings fluttering]
Shit, mosquitoes!
They're everywhere!
- [whispering] Don't make a sound.
[squeals]
- Fucking larva!
[mosquitoes screeching]
- Shit! Mosquitoes always defend
their young! Run!
[screeching]
[thudding]
[squeaks]
- What the fuck?
[squeaking]
- Citronella?
- Cherie, look. There's the bottom
of the Boo Hoo hole.
It's been capped with a pog.
Oh my god,
do you remember those?
- Uh, no.
- It was a game we used to play,
kinda like the '90s version
of marbles.
- I must have been too busy
banging hot dudes to notice.
- Wait, you were banging in the '90s?
How old are you?
- Look! This tape,
we can get this off easy.
Finally, a light at the end
of this fucked up tunnel.
[both scream]
[screeches]
[whistling]
- Did that candle just whistle?
[whistling]
[hissing]
[evil laughter]
- Welcome to my humble abode.
- Oh my god,
he's embedded in the candle.
- I used to be the CEO of AT&T,
then I was a farmer
with a loyal little mouse.
And now I am king
of the roaches.
- You mean the mosquitoes?
Wait, fuck, are there also roaches?
- I've always had
a connection to animals.
I control my insect army by blowing
into one of their skulls.
It simulates their language.
Behold!
[whistling]
[hissing]
I made them kiss!
- Jesus, he's lost his mind.
- At this point,
he's more citronella than man.
- This is a lovely kingdom
you have here.
We're just going to head out
and leave you to it.
- No!
[mosquitoes screeching]
You and your kind ruined my life.
I had the perfect popsicle stick barn,
and I had Molly.
Your wall war killed her.
She was an innocent.
- We all lost people that day.
- She wasn't people.
She was a mouse!
You took her from me,
and now I will take the same from you.
- Our... mice?
- Your lives!
[whistling]
[both grunt]
[mosquitoes snarling]
[both scream]
LONESUN: The SilverCops
protect the entire quadrant.
A unified brotherhood of justice made up
of aliens from different planets.
How's the arm, Glammerjammer?
- Oh, you should have seen
the other guy!
- This is fuckin' tits, bro.
Ooh, ooh, do you guys have laser guns
and all sorts of cool sci-fi shit?
Lightsabers? Time traveling, like,
refrigerator bed or something like that?
- We don't need that.
The SilverSuit is the most
powerful weapon in the universe.
The ancient Silverites crafted it
from pure silver that flows
from the SilverFalls.
Only those with the purest of hearts
can operate it.
A truncheon, a gun,
a coffee mug for stakeouts:
the SilverSuit makes it all.
- Oh, so you guys are like
Green Lanterns.
- The what?
- Green Lanterns, the comic book.
Galactic cops. Magic rings.
- No, that's stupid. We're
a totally different, way cooler thing.
Anyway, this here's the room
that holds the silverbattery
we charge our SilverSuits with
by reciting an ancient haiku.
- Sick.
- So, you ready
to be a part of this?
- A part? Uh, you mean--
- I'm offering you a job
as a SilverCop.
- But I'm just a regular dude
trying to get back to his home planet.
I'm not looking for a job in space.
- The galaxy calls you, Glen.
SilverCops have every race represented
in our force, but we're missing one.
- Italian?
- Human.
Human beings,
they got a special skill
that no other alien
in the galaxy got.
- Yeah, we can beatbox!
[beatboxing]
- No. Intuition, instinct.
You can follow your gut.
Humans are famous for it.
- Oh yeah, like how I always know
how a woman's tweet can be better
if I explain it to them.
- Exactly! Hot damn! That famous intuition
is already in full effect.
Look, the silver life ain't for everyone,
but the forces of evil never sleep.
We could really use someone
with your super powers on the force.
What do you say?
- I say... this!
[beatboxing]
Oh, that meant "yes."
I'll be a SilverCop, yeah.
♪
- SilverTeam! I'd like to introduce you
to our newest recruit.
Glen of Earth.
- Oh my god, a human?
- A human SilverCop?
- On SilverWorld?
- Glen, this is Ventrez,
my second in command.
- Friends call me Trez.
Females call me... all the time.
[laughs]
LONESUN:
Glorgax, my hand-to-hand specialist.
- More like claw-to-claw.
- And who could forget Pobo!
- Jelly time?
- Not right now, little buddy.
- [sadly] Pobo.
- Are you fucking kidding me, LoneSun?
A human can't handle
the weight of silverjustice.
The salt cartel will eat him alive!
- Cromus, I've seen his intuition
in action. It's special.
- Bullshit.
Just because he has instinct
doesn't mean he's pure enough
for a SilverSuit.
- I think he is.
- No way.
- How 'bout we find out, pardner?
♪
♪
- Alright, let's get you suited up.
- No! I change my mind.
I just want to get back to earth
and get my neighbors arrested
for shooting me into space.
- Let the little puss walk.
I told you he isn't cut out for this.
- Now hey,
if I knew where earth was,
I would have saddled up
a human a long time ago.
But I don't and I didn't.
Now if you want a fleeborg's chance
on a hot scorched skittle
of finding your way home,
you better put on that SilverSuit.
[groans]
[chanting]
[screams]
- Ah! Fuck!
♪ angelic music plays ♪
Oh, I feel so powerful!
Like I've gotten the approval
of my dad!
- Think how proud
your dad would be to see this.
- Oh, he'd be super proud.
My dad loved guns.
He used to sit up all night,
holding one in his lap,
staring off into the distance.
What a guy.
[clicks, beeping]
[plops]
Dammit. Ugh, gimme a second,
it-it-it's my first time.
- The SilverSuit is an extension
of your own confidence.
The more the suit detects your purity,
the more powers it'll unlock.
- Purity, right, gotta be pure.
[whirring]
[grunts]
[coin clinks]
[Cromus laughs]
- I told you this little idiot
was out of his league.
Cut him loose.
He'll never be a Silver.
- Why are you doing this?
- You don't have
to live in a candle.
We can help you get back
to the upper levels.
Jesse gave us a SodaStream
the other day, it's awesome.
- SodaStreams are stupid.
The soda tastes weird,
and the carbon dioxide
fucks up your teeth.
Besides, it's the people I hate.
- What did we ever do to you?
- I sacrificed everything
for your war, and for what?
More lies from Tim?
Murders covered up by you?
Faking your death?
- I didn't fake it! I was-- Ahh!
- Save your breath,
it won't stop me from cleansing
the upper levels for good.
I came down here looking
for Molly's remains,
but instead I found the standing water
you all never bothered to clean up.
Did you know a hundred mosquito eggs fit
in a single bottle cap of standing water.
With this, I was able
to build an insect army,
one I will unleash
through the Boo Hoo Hole
to bring balance back to the Wall
by killing at least half of every man
and woman up there.
[screeches]
- So basically
you're ripping off Thanos.
- Nah-uh, because in Endgame,
Thanos is using the infinity stones
to snap everyone into dust.
I have a cool insect army.
- Bullshit. You are totally
ripping off Thanos!
- Fine. I am ripping off Thanos!
I am ripping off Thanos
and balancing the Wall!
♪
- Look, no one gets it on their first day.
You're being too hard on yourself.
-Don't. Okay?
Only losers spend time trying
to get good at stuff
they aren't perfect at immediately.
- Tell me, Glen of Earth.
What do you want?
- To get back home,
to take a shit in a human toilet,
play some lottery scratchers,
watch some porn.
- The SilverSuit isn't a frunking taxi.
By wearing it,
you become justice.
Now, what do you want?
- I don't know, uh--
- Tell me!
- I want my neighbors to pay
for what they did to my car!
It wasn't just any car,
it was a Johnny Tran limited edition
from The Fast and Furious collection.
I even got the vanity plate!
[yelps]
- I don't care about all that.
Why is the car special to you?
- Because I have
no personality, alright!
To you I seem like a cool,
mysterious alien
but back home,
I don't have any personality,
so I peacock with cars.
If there's any ding or scratch in them,
it makes it easier for people to see
that I'm a fucking loser.
- That's pure.
Clear your mind
and focus only on that.
- Focus on being a loser
with a car fetish?
- Yes. With a little help from this.
- Salt? But isn't that the drug
you guys are in charge of busting?
- What're you gonna do, arrest me?
This will get you to relax.
Helps with the silver bonding process.
- How long's it take to--
[babbling]
♪
[grunting]
- Aw yeah, frunk my brain
with your memories,
you freaky little bitch.
GLEN: Oh my god, you are so good
at whatever that is.
- Now eat my alien ass.
[Glen mumbling]
[both moaning]
- Holy shit!
[grunting]
- Glorgax, look! It worked!
[farts]
♪
[whooshing]
♪
[whooshing]
♪
[shattering]
[explosions boom]
Y'all see that shit!
I'm a SilverCop now! Woo!
- Man's more silver
than second place!
- Pobo!
- Yeah, well, whatever.
There's a lot more to it than that.
- I don't know, seems like he's got
the hang of it to me.
Hey, I tell you what.
Let's bring him along to the raid.
- Are you kidding me?
- Jelly time!
- No, goddammit. No, Pobo!
- Well, we all gotta get thrown
into the fire sometime.
Why not now?
- Fine. Just keep his rookie shit
the fuck away from me.
- Alright.
[cheering]
[evil laughter]
- Today, I Thanos the Wall!
[laughs]
- Laugh it up, Yankee Candle.
There's just one problem with your plan.
- Please, I invented charging 10 cents
for text messages,
I think I know how to plan a plan.
[mosquitoes screech]
[laughs]
- Nice aim, you dumb bitch!
All you did was open
the Boo Hoo Hole,
which I was about to do anyway!
- Yeah, well,
that's what I was hoping.
Because you know what
the Boo Hoo Hole is full of?
- Cr-crying? I don't know.
[screeching]
CHERIE: Spiders, bitch!
This shit got foreshadowed days ago!
- No!
- Alright, now listen up!
Our target is Trog Thracian.
He's the biggest salt dealer
in this system.
Peddles exclusively
to little kids and babies.
- This is the frunker who invented
Traversian Lotion.
That's where you torture someone
by rubbing acid on their dick
until it melts off.
- Noodles.
- Ventrez and I will be entering
from the rear.
Glorgax, Pobo: left flank.
Cromus, Glen: take the right.
- I told you to keep this little frunk
away from me.
- Sorry, Cromey.
We need our best with the rookie.
Show him the ropes.
- If you know what's best for you,
you'll leave while you still can.
Use that human intuition
I've heard so much about.
- Whatever, bro. You saw me flying,
I'm pure as hell.
I got this.
- Ugh.
- Alright, people! Go! Go! Go!
♪ rock music playing ♪
[laughing]
[grunting]
- We need to get the hell out of here.
- Yeah, you fuckin' think?
[Cherie grunts]
[spider screeching]
- Aah!
- You don't run a multi-national
communications company
without learning some Krav Maga
along the way!
- Cherie, get outta here!
[grunts]
[screaming]
- I lived my whole life
worried about coverage,
and now it's what's killing me.
- After this, let's be boring.
- Amen to that.
♪ rock music playing ♪
♪
- Look, Glen, I know
what you're trying to do,
but you really need to get
the fuck out of here.
- Yo, get off my back, Cromus.
What's your problem with me?
I'm just trying to do my job.
- No, you're fucking not.
You're playing
a pathetic superhero fantasy,
but this is real life.
People get hurt.
- Whatever, dude. I get it,
you're the Raphael of the group.
Cool but rude. By this time next week,
we're going to be best friends.
♪
♪ foreboding music plays ♪
This is just an empty warehouse.
Where are the drugs?
- LoneSun,
your informant burned us!
♪
- Maybe the perps are making a getaway.
Maybe we can tone down
whatever sinister thing this is.
- No, the Osmernian frunk rat
we're after is right here.
- Oh! Is he like the Predator
with the see-through suit or something?
- Shut the frunk up, human.
- Hey! Leave the kid alone.
I've been with him this whole time.
He didn't do anything.
He's not a rat.
- Oh, I know. You are.
- Whoa, what are you doing?
- Drop the silvergun!
- I can't, I can't, I'm not in control!
Whoa, what the fuck!
What are you doing, man?
I, I didn't do that!
I didn't do that!
- GoldCop! GoldCop!
- Salt cartel must've tipped you off, huh?
- No, it was your arrogance.
- You people think just because
you're higher up on the periodic table
you can be sloppy!
[Cromus groans]
- Guys, what is going on here!
It's Cromus. He's one of us!
- By order of the Gold,
you are hereby under arrest.
[coughs]
Anything you silver-do
or silver-say will be--
[groans]
- Frunking GoldCops make me sick.
- Glen! I told you to get out.
- Stop it! What are you doing?
I thought we were the good guys?
- What part of "cops"
don't you understand?
[laughter]
- Shit. Gotta think pure thoughts.
- Guess what? I made that purity shit up
to get you back in the game.
[fizzles, plops]
- SilverSuits don't run on purity.
It takes years of practice,
you frunking idiot.
- But... my human intuition.
- I grabbed you out of that cell
because you're a backwater rube.
If you had any ounce of real instinct,
you would've seen that coming a mile away.
- When the other Golds find out
what you did,
they will hunt you down
like a mawg.
- Oh, for sure, except we'll be too busy
helping them track down
the dirty human who killed you.
- No.
- Please, please don't do this.
- Thanks for letting the SilverSuit bond
with your DNA.
It makes it a lot easier
to frame you for murder.
- Fuck you. Fuck you all--
- Oh god. Oh god!
[retches]
- I might be crazy,
but that was mighty hot.
[both moan]
- Ugh, nothing gets me wetter
than a good framing.
Mmm.
- Jelly time?
- Yes, Pobo, jelly time.
[all moan]
- What am I forgetting?
Oh yeah!
To apprehend the bastard
that stole the SilverSuit
out of the evidence locker
and killed a GoldCop.
[chainsaw whirring]
- Please, please don't do this.
I'm begging you.
I'm just a pathetic car guy!
- Just shut the frunk up
and die with some dignity.
- No!
[grunts]
[laughter]
[all shouting]
[mosquito chittering]
- Oh god, the queen mosquito!
[Halk grunts]
[screams]
- Halk!
[straining]
- Cherie, get out of here!
[metallic creaking]
[Cherie grunting]
- Promise me you'll take care
of little Pezlie.
- So will you.
- I can't have a child of my own,
so knowing you'll take care of yours
will make this easier.
- Halk, shut up.
No more adventures, okay?
- You're right.
No more adventures.
Tell Nova I love her, and I'm sorry.
- Noooo!
♪ melancholy music ♪
[sobs]
Somebody help!
Please!
[crying]
Hello? Where is everyone?
♪
What the hell?
- Oh my Jesse, are you okay?
- What is going on here?
- It's the baptism for the miracle child
gifted to us by Jesse.
[crowd cheering, applauding]
- Welcome, Bowinians,
to the birth of a new age!
Our sweet Jesse has gifted us
the sweetest candy of all.
- Pezlie! That's my baby!
Give me back my daughter, you bitch!
- Cherie is right!
This baby is her daughter.
She's all our daughters.
This child's mother is the Wall!
CROWD: [chanting]
Wall's Baby! Wall's Baby! Wall's Baby!
- No! I'm telling the truth!
Just ask Sister Sasha.
- Sister Sasha died of a heart attack
just last night.
- You did this!
You're a fucking psycho.
- By gifting us this sacred child,
Jesse has bestowed upon the Church
the great honor
of leading the Wall into the future!
Let the baptism commence!
- Stop! That's my baby! Pezlie!
Mommy's coming!
Ugh, you fuckers!
Ugh, let me go!
I'm fucking coming for you!
[sizzling]
[Pezlie crying]
[indiscernible chatter]
- [crying] No, no, no.
[alarm blaring]
- Aw shit.
Someone must have called in
the gunshots.
- Ah, don't matter.
Atmosphere turns deadly at dawn.
Without a SilverSuit,
he's frunked.
[all laugh]
[sobbing]
[mumbling]
- I miss my car.
[sobs]
[insects buzzing]
♪
[whooshing]
[tires squealing]
- Hurry! Get out of there!
- Ah! Ah! Oh noooo!
JESSE:
Sick, Terry.
Jesus!
Get some Depends, why dontcha?
Gross! Yuck!
- Dammit, Terry!
You know what happens
if you eat more than your weight
in Taco Bell.
- I can't help it!
I love that cheesy crunch! Oh.
- Stop it! You're ruining the upholstery
with your goobler diarrhea!
Lo siento! Lo sient--
Ohhh!
- He's going to be doing that all night.
- Oh yeah.
[grunting and groaning continue]
♪ dramatic theme playing ♪
[mimicking laser fire]