Soap (1977–1981): Season 1, Episode 11 - Episode #1.11 - full transcript

THIS IS THE STORY
OF 2 SISTERS,

JESSICA TATE

AND MARY CAMPBELL.

JESSICA LIVES IN
A NEIGHBORHOOD
KNOWN AS RICH.

JESSICA LIKES LIFE.

THE ONLY THING ABOUT LIFE
SHE WOULD CHANGE,
IF SHE COULD,

IS THAT SHE WOULD
SET IT ALL TO MUSIC.

THE TATES HAVE MORE SECRETS
THAN THEY DO MONEY.

WE'RE APPROACHING
MARY CAMPBELL'S HOUSE.

MARY, TOO, LIKES LIFE.

UNFORTUNATELY,
LIFE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE
TOO CRAZY ABOUT HER.



AS YOU CAN SEE, THE CAMPBELLS
DON'T HAVE NEARLY AS MUCH
MONEY AS THE TATES.

THEY DO, HOWEVER,
HAVE AS MANY SECRETS.

IN LAST WEEK'S EPISODE
OF SOAP,

JESSICA CONVINCED HERSELF
THAT CHESTER'S INFIDELITY,

AND ALL OF THE BAD THINGS
THAT HAVE BEFALLEN THE TATES

AND THE CAMPBELLS,
ARE A RESULT OF A CURSE.

BUT EVEN THOUGH
THEY'RE CURSED,

SHE'S STILL NOT TOO THRILLED
WITH CHESTER.

THE GODFATHER
CAME LOOKING FOR DANNY,

BUT DANNY WAS DRESSED
AS A RABBI

AND INSTEAD OF GETTING KILLED,

DANNY GOT A CONTRIBUTION.

BURT, WHO CAME AWAY
FROM DR. MEDLOW THINKING
HE COULD, COULDN'T,

BECAUSE MARY,
UPSET OVER THE DAY'S EVENTS,
WOULDN'T.



DENNIS TOLD JODIE
THERE WAS NO NEED
FOR A SEX-CHANGE OPERATION

BECAUSE HE'S DECIDED
TO MARRY A GIRL.

ON HEARING THE NEWS,

JODIE SWALLOWED THE CONTENTS
OF THE PILL CART

FOR THE ENTIRE WEST WING
OF UNIVERSITY HOSPITAL.

CONFUSED?

YOU WON'T BE AFTER
THIS WEEK'S EPISODE OF...

SOAP.

♪ I'M IN THE MOOD
FOR LOVE, SIMPLY
BECAUSE YOU'RE NEAR ME ♪

I'M NOT TOO CRAZY
ABOUT THAT BODY.

NOT TOO CRAZY
ABOUT THAT FACE EITHER.

OH, BOY,
AFTER 6 MONTHS,

THIS IS WHAT YOU'VE GOT
TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

WELL, THAT'S TOO BRIGHT,
OF COURSE.

I MEAN, WHO COULD LOOK GOOD
IN THIS LIGHT?

THERE.

IT'S TOO DARK,
WE'LL NEVER FIND EACH OTHER.

ALL RIGHT.
RIGHT THERE.

GOOD. GOOD.

WELL, SHE COULD DO WORSE.

HOW 'BOUT A LITTLE MUSIC,
HERE.

♪

NO, FORGET IT.
WITH MY LUCK,
SHE'D WANT TO DANCE.

OK.

WHEW!

OH, GOD, WHAT IF I CAN'T.

♪ I'M IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE ♪

♪ SIMPLY BECAUSE
YOU'RE NEAR ME ♪

♪ HONEY, BUT WHEN ♪

♪ YOU'RE NEAR ME ♪

♪ I'M IN THE MOOD
FOR LOVE ♪

♪ HEAVEN IS IN YOUR EYES ♪

♪ BRIGHT AS THE STARS
ABOVE ME ♪

PERFECT.

OH, GOD, WHAT IF HE CAN'T!

I FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT
GOING OUT THERE
DRESSED LIKE MAE WEST.

NO, I'LL GO OUT
LOOKING NORMAL.

THESE FEATHERS
WILL TERRIFY HIM.

IF I LOOK TOO MAGNIFICENT
HE MIGHT BE OVERWHELMED.

I'LL GO OUT
VERY NONCHALANT...

LIKE I WAS EXPECTING NOTHING.

MAYBE I'LL CARRY A BOOK.

SO IT'S GOT A FEW FEATHERS.

SO WHAT?

PLENTY OF PEOPLE
GO TO SLEEP LIKE THIS.

SURE THEY DO.

IN VEGAS,
FOR $100 A NIGHT.

HI.

HI.

IS THAT NEW?

OH, NO.
I'VE HAD IT FOR YEARS.

OH, IT FITS TERRIFIC.

IT'S... IT'S JUST POLYESTER.

I MEAN IT'S NOT SILK,
OR ANYTHING.

ACTUALLY, I BOUGHT IT ON SALE.

YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.

BURT.

MARY.

I WAS A NERVOUS WRECK.

I LIED. IT'S BRAND NEW.
I BOUGHT IT THIS MORNING.

WHAT WAS THAT NOISE?

THAT WAS MY HEART.

NO, BURT,
I HEARD SOMETHING.

IT... IT WAS THE HOUSE
SETTLING.

LISTEN, GO LOOK.
I'LL... I'LL BE NERVOUS.

DON'T MOVE.

AND DON'T... DON'T...
DON'T FALL ASLEEP.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
DON'T EVEN CLOSE YOUR EYES.

DANNY, DANNY, DANNY,
WHAT A NIGHT YOU PICKED
TO VISIT.

HEY, COME ON,
WAIT A MINUTE.

IT'S NOT THAT I'M NOT HAPPY
TO SEE YOU, I AM.
I LOVE YOU.

GOOD TO SEE YOU, DANNY.

UH, UH, DANNY.
UH, SEE, UH, YOUR MOTHER AND I
WERE UPSTAIRS

AND WE WERE JUST GONNA,
YOU KNOW,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

IT'S OK.
WE GOT ALL NIGHT.

AND MAYBE WE CAN TAKE
ALL DAY TOMORROW OFF.

HEY, MARY, MARY,
LOOK WHO'S HERE.
IT'S DANNY.

COME ON,
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
TAKE THAT THING OFF.

YOU'RE IN THE HOUSE.
LOOK WHO'S HERE.

DANNY.
OH.

DANNY...

YOU LOOK SO FUNNY.
TAKE THAT THING OFF.

HE WON'T.

YOU'VE PUT ON
A LITTLE WEIGHT, HMM?

UH, LISTEN, FELLA,
FORGET IT.

UH, BUT, LISTEN...

HEY, ALADDIN, FORGET IT.
THE HOUSE IS NOT FOR SALE.

LISTEN TO ME...

OMAR,
WHAT IS IT WITH YOU GUYS?

YOU GOT YOURSELF
A LITTLE OIL, RIGHT?

YOU GET A LITTLE CRAZY.

YOU AND THE JAPANESE
ARE TAKING OVER
THE WHOLE COUNTRY.

NEXT THING YOU KNOW,
WE'LL ALL BE EATING
WITH CHOPSTICKS

AND RIDING CAMELS.
GET OUT!

BURT. IT'S ME.

WHO?
DANNY.

NO.
YES.

WE'VE ALREADY
GOT A DANNY.
BURT.

THEN WHO'S HE?

COME ON, DANNY, DANNY,
GET HIS MASK OFF.

ALL RIGHT.

OW, I'LL DO IT.

COME ON. WHAT'S THE IDEA
OF IMPERSONATING MY SON?

I'M NOT IMPERSONATING
YOUR SON.

YOU COME IN HERE,
YOU HUG ME.
YOU KISS MARY.

I DIDN'T HUG YOU.
YOU HUGGED ME.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HERE ANYWAY, HUH?

ROBBING.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE,
LOOKING FOR YOUR TRIBE?

COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.
WHAT DID YOU TAKE?

NOTHING.
COME ON!

I SWEAR.

ALL RIGHT,
I WAS GONNA TAKE
THE TELEVISION SET.

BUT... BUT THEN I REALIZED
THAT I DON'T HAVE A CAR

AND I... I COULDN'T
JUST WALK OUT OF HERE

AND GET ON THE CROSSTOWN BUS
CARRYING A 21-INCH T.V.

SO, SO I DECIDED TO LEAVE.

AND THEN I TRIPPED ON
THE EXTENSION CORD.

YOU KEEP FORGETTING
TO FIX THAT.
IT'S DANGEROUS.

I KNOW, I COULD HAVE BROKEN
MY NECK. AS IT IS, I THINK
I SPRAINED MY ANKLE.

MARY, CALL THE POLICE.

BURT, HE'S A KID.

MARY, HE'S A ROBBER.

LOOK, MISTER,
THIS IS MY FIRST TIME,
I SWEAR, AND MY LAST.

I HATE IT.
I... I... I'M A NERVOUS WRECK.

YOU CAN'T BELIEVE
HOW DRY MY MOUTH IS,
YOU KNOW, FROM NERVES.

AND LOOK AT THIS,
LOOK AT THIS,

I... I'M SHAKING
LIKE A LEAF.
LOOK AT MY HAND.

YOU WATCH HIM.

A PERSON CAN'T GET
A WINK OF SLEEP
AROUND THIS HOUSE.

OH! AND THIS IS NICE.

YOU COME IN TOWN
TO GET YOUR CAMEL SHOED?

YOU FOLKS
CIRCUS PEOPLE?

YEAH.
YES, IT'S...

WHEN?

UM, UH, YES.
YES.

UH, YES,
YES, YEAH,
WE'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

WHAT IS IT?

IT WAS THE HOSPITAL.

JODIE TRIED
TO KILL HIMSELF.

NO.

IT'S OK.
HE'S STILL ALIVE,

BUT WE WANNA GET
DOWN THERE RIGHT AWAY.

MA, MA, HE'S GONNA BE OK.

HEY, LOOK,
I'M SORRY.

IF I HAD A CAR
I'D DRIVE YOU.

YOU... YOU KNOW,
I COULD HAVE STOLEN ONE
LAST NIGHT.

A GUY LEFT HIS KEYS IN IT.

BUT I... I... I GOT
A LITTLE NERVOUS.

UH-UH-UH.

I... JUST LOCKING UP
FOR YOU.

HI.

OH, MR. AND MRS. CAMPBELL.

THEY SAID THEY WERE
BRINGING JODIE BACK
UP HERE.

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

HEY, HE'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.

A COUPLE OF HOURS AGO
I SNEAKED DOWN
TO INTENSIVE CARE,

AND I SAW HIM.

I... I TOOK ALONG A MOP
AND MADE BELIEVE
I WAS A JANITOR.

HOW WAS HE?

HE'S GONNA BE FINE,
REALLY.

FINE. FINE.
HOW FINE CAN HE BE?

HE CAME HERE A GUY,
WHO WANTED TO BE A GIRL,

DECIDED HE'D RATHER BE
A CORPSE. HMM.

I CAN'T STAND IT.
QUIET.

WELL, I HAVE NO RESISTANCE.
IN THE ELEVATOR ALONE,
I CAUGHT 3 FATAL DISEASES.

BOYS, SHH!
THIS IS A HOSPITAL.

NO... I THOUGHT
IT WAS A DISCOTHEQUE.

HEY, THAT'S NICE.
LIVE ENTERTAINMENT, HERE.

CHUCK, GET ME OUTTA HERE.
OLD SICK PEOPLE DEPRESS ME.

HEY, HEY, HEY,
KNOCK IT OFF.

I'M SORRY, MR. GERBER.

OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
LISTEN, HE'S RIGHT.
I AM OLD AND SICK.

I JUST THANK GOD
I'M NOT MADE OF WOOD.

THEY'RE GONNA
BRING HIM RIGHT UP.

OH, BOY. THIS IS SOME TREAT.
A HOSTILE DOLL
AND NOW AN ARAB.

I DON'T KNOW
WHO I LOVE MORE.

HEY, HOW ARE YOU DOIN'?

FINE. LISTEN,
I THINK BEFORE YOU GET
TOO FRIENDLY,

YOU SHOULD KNOW I'M JEWISH.

MR. GERBER, IT'S ME.

YES, I KNOW YOU.
WHO ARE YOU?

I'M DANNY.

THAT'S NOT AN ARAB NAME.

I'M JODIE'S BROTHER,
DANNY.

OH!

THAT'S IT.
THE LAST TIME YOU
WERE A GIRL NURSE.

THAT'S RIGHT.

HEY, IT MUST TAKE YOU
A WHILE TO GET DRESSED
IN THE MORNING.

HI, DANNY.
HEY, JODIE.

HI, BURT.
HI, CHUCK.

WELL, IF AT FIRST
YOU DON'T SUCCEED...

HOW DO YOU FEEL?

ALL RIGHT. I'M JUST
A LITTLE TIRED, THAT'S ALL.

BARNEY, THAT STORY YOU TOLD ME
REALLY MADE ME WANT TO LIVE.

BUT I WAS JUST TOO SLEEPY
TO TELL YOU.

HEY, HEY, HEY.
ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE OK?

I MEAN THEY SAID
YOU COULD COME HOME
IN A COUPLE OF DAYS.

DO WE HAVE TO START
THROWING OUT ASPIRINS,
HIDIN' RAZOR BLADES...

BURT, BURT, PLEASE.
THAT'S NOT SOMETHING
I'M EVER GONNA DO AGAIN.

YEAH, PLEASE. I HOPE NOT.

AND I'VE ALSO DECIDED
NOT TO HAVE
THE SEX-CHANGE OPERATION.

WONDERFUL.
YOU LOSE A DAUGHTER,
YOU GAIN A SUICIDAL SISSY.

HEY, SHUT HIM UP,
WILL YOU?

HEY, GO PITCH A TENT.

WE'RE LEAVING.

SURE, I HATE IT HERE.
WITH ALL THESE GERMS,
GOD KNOWS WHAT I CAUGHT.

IF THERE'S A GOD,
MAYBE TERMITES.

JODIE, I GOTTA TAKE OFF.
I'LL SEE YOU SOON, ALL RIGHT?

ALL RIGHT, I'M COMIN'
DOWN WITH YOU. I'LL SEE
YOU AT HOME, ALL RIGHT?

MARY, WE'LL BE DOWNSTAIRS.
MR. GERBER...

I'M SORRY, MA.

IT'S OK AS LONG AS
YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.

IT WAS A STUPID THING TO DO.

YOU WERE UPSET.

THAT'S NO REASON
TO TAKE 45 PILLS.

45?

HOW DID YOU DO THAT?

YOU'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE
TO SWALLOW PILLS.

YOU STILL BREAK ASPIRIN
IN HALF BECAUSE
THEY'RE TOO BIG.

IT WAS JUST
A STUPID THING TO DO.

WELL, THERE'S SOMETHING
I ALWAYS SAY.

IN YOUR LIFE,
YOU'RE ENTITLED TO ONE
REALLY STUPID THING.

RIGHT?

I SAY 5.

5 STUPID THINGS.

OH.

WELL, I GUESS I SAY ONE
BECAUSE I ONCE DID A
REALLY, REALLY STUPID THING.

WHAT?

OH, I CAN'T TELL YOU.

OH, COME ON, MA.

NO. IT WAS THE STUPIDEST
THING I'VE EVER DONE.

I CAN'T TELL YOU. NO.

NO, I CAN'T.
I'LL TELL YOU
ABOUT THE TIME I...

I CAN'T TELL YOU
THAT EITHER.

OH, OK, I GOT IT.

I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT
WHEN I ONCE...

I ONCE...

OH, GOD.
I CAN'T TELL YOU THAT.

THAT'S THE MOST AWFUL.

OK, I GOT IT.

THAT'S WORSE
THAN ALL THE OTHERS.

SO, THAT'S 4
STUPID THINGS.

IS IT?

YEAH, 4 STUPID THINGS
THAT ARE SO STUPID
YOU CAN'T TELL US.

WELL, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.
WE'RE ENTITLED TO
5 STUPID THINGS.

I TOLD YOU, 5.

WHAT DO YOU THINK,
I MADE THAT UP?
THAT'S A STATISTIC.

SO, I GUESS
YOU'VE GOT 4 MORE.

BUT PLEASE,

NO MORE LIKE THIS ONE.

OK, I PROMISE.
I'M STUPID,
BUT I'M NOT THAT STUPID.

OK. GO TO SLEEP.

I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

OK.

GOODNIGHT, MR. GERBER.

GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT, MRS. CAMPBELL.

WELL, SHE'S,
SHE'S ALL RIGHT,
THAT LADY.

YEAH.

HER HUSBAND, UH,
HE'S A LITTLE NERVOUS,
BUT HE MEANS WELL.

AND YOUR BROTHER
IS A NICE GUY.

I JUST WORRY ABOUT
HIM TRIPPING OVER
HIS ROBE.

BUT THAT WOODEN FELLA...

HE'S NOT RELATED.

WELL, I DIDN'T THINK HE WAS.
I MEAN HE'S WOOD!
AH, I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
THE WORLD IS COMING
TO ANYMORE,

WHEN A GAY MAN,
WHO WAS THINKING OF
BECOMING A WOMAN,

THEN DECIDES ON SUICIDE,
TURNS OUT TO BE THE MOST
NORMAL MEMBER OF THE FAMILY!

OH, UH, HI, BABE. WHAT'S UP?

I SHOULD ASK YOU THAT.

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT, CORINNE?

I'M TALKING ABOUT
WALKING INTO THE PRO SHOP

AND FINDING YOU LICKING
SOME WOMAN'S EAR.

WHAT ARE YOU, CRAZY?

THAT WAS MRS. CARR.
I WAS GIVING HER SOME POINTERS
FOR THE TOURNAMENT TOMORROW.

I HAD TO WHISPER
IN CASE HER OPPONENT
WALKED IN.

OH, REALLY?
IS THAT A FACT?

AND, UH, 2 HOURS AGO,
WHEN YOU SAID YOU SAID
YOU HAD A LESSON ON COURT 3,

WHERE WERE YOU?

I SAID COURT 5.

YOU WEREN'T ON COURT 5.

DID I SAY 5?
IT WASN'T 5, IT WAS 8.

LOOK, I SAW THE GIRL
YOU GAVE A LESSON TO
IN THE LOCKER ROOM.

AN HOUR'S LESSON
IN THIS HEAT,
AND SHE WASN'T SWEATING.

SHE WAS SMILING.

I KNOW, IT'S INCREDIBLE.

THE GIRL DOESN'T SWEAT.
HAS NEVER PERSPIRED
IN HER LIFE.

SHE WAS TELLING ME ABOUT IT.
IT'S A... IT'S A MEDICAL
PROBLEM.

VERY DANGEROUS ACTUALLY,
BECAUSE WHEN SHE CAN'T SWEAT,

SHE CAN'T RID HER BODY
OF TOXINS AND CAN POISON
HERSELF TO DEATH. POOR THING.

PETER,
I FOUND HAIRPINS IN OUR BED.
I DON'T USE HAIRPINS.

I DO.

YOU USE HAIRPINS?

SURE, WHEN I RUN OUT
OF PAPER CLIPS.

I FOUND A PINK HEADBAND.

MINE.
PINK.

USED TO BE RED. FADED.

LOOK, PETER,
I KNOW WHAT YOU WERE,

BUT IF WE'RE GONNA
LIVE TOGETHER,

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO STOP
FOOLING AROUND WITH
OTHER WOMEN, OR I'LL LEAVE.

HONEY,
I'M NOT FOOLIN' AROUND.

I'M A TEACHER.

I... I GOTTA GET TO KNOW
MY STUDENTS

TO TEACH THEM
THE INNER GAME.
THAT'S ALL IT IS.

OK. OK.
BUT I'VE GIVEN
UP A LOT FOR YOU, PETER.

I'VE GIVEN UP MY HOME
AND MY FAMILY,

SOMEONE WHO'S
VERY IMPORTANT TO ME,

SO, IF YOU'RE LYING TO ME
AND I CATCH YOU,

I SWEAR, PETER,
I'LL KILL YOU.

OH, CORINNE,
CORINNE, CORINNE!

HI, JESS.

I HOPE YOU WEREN'T WORRIED
WHEN I DIDN'T COME HOME
LAST NIGHT.

I WORKED SO LATE
I STAYED IN TOWN.

CHESTER,
I, UH, SAW YOU YESTERDAY.

WELL, JESSICA,
YOU SEE ME EVERY DAY.

I SAW YOU EATING LUNCH
AND KISSING CLAIRE.

EATING LUNCH AND
KISSING CLAIRE?
I REMEMBER THE EATING.

I HAD THE ROAST BEEF.
IT WAS SO TOUGH
I HAD TO SEND IT BACK.

BUT I, UH, DON'T REMEMBER
THE KISSING.

WAIT.

YES, OF COURSE,
IT WAS CLAIRE'S BIRTHDAY
AND SHE GAVE ME A KISS

FOR TAKING HER TO LUNCH.
THAT'S WHAT IT WAS.

NO, CHESTER,
YOU WERE KISSING HER
ON THE NECK.

I WASN'T KISSING
HER ON THE NECK, JESSICA.

I WAS SMELLING HER NECK.

SHE WANTED ME TO SMELL
THE PERFUME SHE'D GOTTEN
AS A PRESENT.

PLEASE, CHESTER,
YOU HAD YOUR FACE BURROWED
SO DEEP IN HER NECK

FOR SO LONG I WAS SURPRISED
YOU WEREN'T ASPHYXIATED.

THAT WAS TO LOOK AT THE RASH,
JESSICA.

THE PERFUME
SHE WANTED ME TO SMELL
GAVE HER A RASH

THAT SHE WANTED ME
TO LOOK AT.

IN FACT, I SENT HER STRAIGHT
TO THE DERMATOLOGIST.

YOU KNOW, CHESTER,
IN ALL THESE YEARS

I'VE NEVER BELIEVED
THE STORIES

THAT PEOPLE TOLD
ABOUT YOU, BUT NOW I...

STORIES! OH, JESSICA.

DO YOU KNOW WHY PEOPLE
MAKE UP STORIES
LIKE THAT?

IT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE JEALOUS.
YOU SEE THEY HAVE
SO LITTLE THEMSELVES

THAT THEY CAN'T STAND
TO SEE US HAPPY.

OH, ENOUGH,
CHESTER. PLEASE!

DO YOU KNOW HOW
THAT MAKES ME FEEL,
CHESTER? DO YOU KNOW?

TO REALIZE THAT MY HUSBAND
HAS BEEN CARRYING ON
WITH EVERY...

OH, FINE, JESSICA.
GO AHEAD.
BELIEVE FILTH.

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL,
CHESTER,

IF YOU FOUND OUT THAT I
HAD HAD AN AFFAIR?

YOU?

WHAT IS SO FUNNY?

OH, WELL, I'M SORRY,
JESSICA, BUT I... I MEAN,

I JUST DON'T THINK OF YOU
AS SOMEONE WHO HAS
AN AFFAIR, THAT'S ALL.

YOU AND JULIE ANDREWS.

WELL, CHESTER,
I HAD ONE.

OH, REALLY?
WITH WHOM?

THAT IS NOT IMPORTANT,
CHESTER.

I MEAN, REALLY THE NAME
IS NOT IMPORTANT.

JESSICA, IF YOU THINK THAT
BY TELLING ME ABOUT AN AFFAIR
YOU'VE NEVER HAD

YOU'RE GOING TO GET ME
TO ADMIT TO AFFAIRS

I'VE NEVER HAD,
YOU'RE CRAZY.

IT'S TRUE, CHESTER.

OH, JESSICA,
YOU ARE FUNNY!

I'M NOT FUNNY, CHESTER.
IF THERE IS ONE THING
I AM NOT RIGHT NOW,

IT'S FUNNY.
SO WILL YOU PLEASE
STOP LAUGHING?

YOU WERE NEVER HERE,
CHESTER.

AND I MEAN WHEN
YOU WERE HERE

SOMEHOW YOU WEREN'T
REALLY HERE.

JUST LIKE FLUFFY.

WHAT?

YOU... YOU REMEMBER FLUFFY,
THE CAT WE HAD.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
SHE WOULD EAT

AND SHE WOULD WASH HERSELF
AND THEN SHE'D JUST LAY
AROUND, YOU KNOW.

AND I... I DON'T BELIEVE

ONCE IN ALL THOSE YEARS
THAT SHE EVER REALLY LOOKED
AT ANY OF US.

I MEAN, OF COURSE,
IT WAS HARD TO TELL,
WITH ALL THAT HAIR

YOU COULDN'T SEE
IF HER EYES WERE OPEN,

WHICH WAS, OF COURSE,
WHY WE CALLED HER FLUFFY.

I MEAN, CHESTER,
THAT'S WHY I HAD AN AFFAIR.

BECAUSE OF FLUFFY?

CHESTER, IT WAS SHORT,

IT WASN'T VERY SPECTACULAR,
AND IT IS OVER NOW BUT...

YOU KNOW FOR A LITTLE WHILE,

MINUTES MAYBE,
SOMEBODY WAS REALLY THERE.

YOU HAD AN AFFAIR?

YOU MEAN YOU SLEPT
WITH ANOTHER MAN?

WELL, I MEAN, CHESTER,
THAT'S USUALLY
WHAT AN AFFAIR IS.

HOW COULD YOU?

HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?

HOW MANY PEOPLE KNOW
ABOUT THIS AFFAIR, JESSICA?

HOW MANY PEOPLE
HAVE YOU BRAGGED TO
ABOUT IT?

I NEVER BRAGGED
ABOUT IT, CHESTER.

I MEAN THAT ISN'T
SOMETHING I EXACTLY
FELT LIKE BRAGGING ABOUT.

I TRUSTED YOU, JESSICA.

ALL THESE YEARS,
I TRUSTED YOU.

AND YOU WENT OUT
AND HAD A CHEAP, DIRTY,
SORDID LITTLE AFFAIR.

WELL, CHESTER,
I DON'T THINK OF IT
THAT WAY.

I... I MEAN I DID
THINK OF IT THAT WAY
FOR A WHILE,

BUT I DON'T ANYMORE.

I... I MEAN I PREFER
TO THINK OF IT AS...

SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED.

SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED?

CHESTER, WHAT I DID
WAS WRONG,

AND I AM NOT TRYING
TO MINIMIZE IT BY SAYING THIS

BUT I MEAN, CHESTER,
WHAT I DID FOR A FEW WEEKS,

YOU MADE INTO A CAREER.

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

CHESTER, SURELY YOU
ARE NOT GOING TO
GO ON DENYING...

I AM.

YOU HAVE
NEVER BEEN UNFAITHFUL?

THAT'S RIGHT. NEVER, I NEVER
HAVE AND I NEVER WOULD.
NOT ONCE, NOT EVER.

BECAUSE, I, JESSICA,
BELIEVE IN THE SANCTITY
OF OUR MARRIAGE.

CHESTER?

WHAT?

BLOW IT OUT YOUR EARS.

JESSICA.

YOU KNOW WHAT'S REALLY FUNNY,
CHESTER?

I MEAN THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
IN ALL THESE YEARS

WE'VE EVER TALKED ABOUT
ANYTHING THAT REALLY MATTERS.

A-AND YOU'RE NOT
EVEN REALLY TALKING,
CHESTER.

I... I MEAN, PLEASE,
LET'S BE HONEST WITH
EACH OTHER, FOR GOD'S SAKE.

I MEAN, THAT'S ALL
WE'VE GOT LEFT TO BE.

I HAVE BEEN HONEST, JESSICA.

ALL RIGHT, CHESTER.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
YOU DON'T KNOW?

JUST WHAT I SAID.

JESSICA. YOU CAN'T JUST
LEAVE.

JUST WATCH, CHESTER.

NOW THAT BURT CAN,

WILL HE AND MARY
EVER FIND THE TIME?

WILL CORINNE
REALLY KILL PETER IF SHE
CATCHES HIM FOOLING AROUND?

WILL PETER CONTINUE
TO FOOL AROUND?

WILL CORINNE CATCH HIM?

NOW THAT DANNY'S
BEEN BOTH AN ARAB
AND A JEW,

WILL HE DECLARE WAR
ON HIMSELF?

WILL JESSICA
REALLY WALK OUT ON CHESTER?

OR WILL SHE CALL A CAB?

THESE QUESTIONS
AND MANY OTHERS

WILL BE ANSWERED ON
NEXT WEEK'S EPISODE OF...

SOAP.