Sliders (1995–2000): Season 4, Episode 6 - Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? - full transcript

Quinn, Rembrandt and Maggie find Quinn's long-lost younger brother Colin on a world with mid 19th Century morals and technology. On the next world, the doubles of Colin's love interest Susanna and her mother recruit him to commit a crime.




Two hours on this world.

That'll never be enough
time to find your brother.

Well, assuming this is the right world,
he could be anywhere on it.

No. The coordinates I programmed

match the numbers I got
in the encoded message

I was left by my real parents.

The denominator that I thought was so strange
must be some kind of focused coordinate,

like a tracking device for
a sliding trace signature.

You know, one of these days, we're gonna slide
into a world where all they speak is Greek.

You're gonna fit right in.

It took me a while
to figure it out,

but when we slide from
one dimension to another,

we leave a trail, like, uh,

quantum tire tracks.

We've got to assume that
my brother is the only other

person on this world
with such a signature.

guys, check this out.








Hey, hey, hey, you all right?

Yeah, I am all right.

That was a close one.


MAN 1: Kill him!

MAN 2: Let's get him!

MAN 3: We've had enough of this!

Our children are frightened.

Our cattle have torn
down their fences!

My sheep are
scattered over 10 acres!

Well, let's just burn his wings!

No! Let's just shoot
him and get it over with!

I don't think so.

Great. We're gonna get beat
up by the cast of Witness.


Break it up!

All of you,
get back to your farms.

John, William,
Abel! Back to your farms!

You ought to be
ashamed of yourselves!




Lucky for you I came along.

Much obliged, Sheriff.

I've not seen you three before.

We're just passing through.

We saw this man crash
and we wanted to help him.

What sort of clothing is that?

We're from Canada.

Well, one of these days,
you're gonna go too far, Colin Mallory.

clean up this mess and get back to town.


COLIN: Thank you for your help.

Not a problem.

Look, uh,
I really don't know how to say this

without it being a shock,
but we're a little short on time.

I'm your brother.

QUINN: What if you found a
portal to a parallel universe?

What if you could slide into
a thousand different worlds

where it's the same year
and you're the same person,

but everything
else is different?

And what if you can't
find your way home?


I know you must be sincere in
your belief that we're brothers,

and I can see some resemblance,

but I'm afraid it's impossible.

Surely, my mother and father
would have told me if I had a brother,

if it were true.

They did. You just haven't
gotten the message yet.


COLIN: What you're saying
makes no sense to me.

My parents died
when I was a child.

QUINN: Did they
leave you anything?

but I've moved many times over the years.

Some things got
lost or left behind.

Oh, brother. You've got to
have what I'm looking for.

You're welcome to
come to my house.

And you can stay
if you have need.

Look, you're just gonna
leave the wings back there?

I'll come back
later with a wagon.

Aren't you afraid
someone will steal it?

Uh, no.

MAN: Scoundrel.


Where do you people come from?

It's a little complicated.

I've never seen
anyone dressed like you.


QUINN: It's the nineties
version of the simple life.

No wires going to the houses,
no pavement, the only vehicles are wagons.

Maybe this is
Amish world. Amish?

It's a kind of religious community
that lives in total isolation.

They've completely turned
away from modern science.

We're nothing like that.

We have all the
latest conveniences.

Well, not all.

what do you do when you're not

trying to break your
neck on a hang glider?

Hang glider?

That's an excellent name
for my flying machine.

I, uh, invented it, you know.



You don't seem to be
too popular around here.

So you're an inventor?

Tinkerer, jack-of-all-trades.

I dabble in mechanics
and electricity.

Obviously, they don't get it.

They don't understand my work.

Especially my
experiments with electricity.

Once, during a thunder storm,
I trapped a lightning bolt in a stone jug.

A regular Ben Franklin.

COLIN: And my hair
stood on end for a week.

Well, I can see why your neighbors
would think you're a little strange.

They're hide-bound
and misguided.

I can prove to them that
electricity provides a good power,

and it's safe, too!

But they have no patience.

A lot of things go wrong like,
uh, with the hang glider?

So I fried a few chickens.

MAN: Good day, Miss Henley.

Sarah, stay with me.

David, come on.


I am so glad to see
you well. I was worried.

Did you crash again?

Only a little.

I was not hurt.

Sorry, these are my new friends.

I don't know your names.

I'm Quinn.

This is Maggie and
this is Rembrandt.

I am Susanna Morehouse.
Welcome to El Segundo.

I have never seen
clothes like this.

Did you make them?

No. These are probably
what you'd call store-bought.


But I could never
wear anything like that.

Sure you could.

Susanna! Get back in the house,

I told you to stay away from
this devil and necromancer.

I am not a necromancer,
Mrs. Morehouse,

and you know how I
feel about your daughter.

I know, and I disapprove.

My daughter is promised to
another and there's the end of it.

Who on Earth are you?

we're just passing through.

Where did you get
such outrageous attire?

We're from Canada.


You'd best cover up, young lady.

The women in these
parts are more modest.

The men in these parts might
get the wrong impression.

You stay away
from Colin Mallory.

It's the devil's
work he's doing.

What's a necromancer?

I don't know,
but it can't be good.


MAN: Mind yourself, now!



This is a Wimshurst machine!

One of the first gizmos to
generate electricity by induction

and store it in jars like these.

And you invented this?

and everything else in here.

My brother's a genius.

Yeah, well, I'm happy for you,
but we're running out of time here.

Marley's Ghost!

How do you get the
numbers to light up like this?

Yeah, I'll explain that later.

You remember I said I might be
able to prove that you're my brother?

Now, our parents left me
a very important message,

and they probably left
you a similar message.

Okay, now, you said your family left
you some things, trinkets, doodads.

Let me see this.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Come on, come on, come on!

It's not in here.

Anything else?

Um, let's see.

My father's watch? Let me see.

Come on, it's very important.

Remmy, how much time do we have?

Under 10 minutes.

Got it.

Quinn! Oh, Quinn!

No, no, no. Come...


It's not there, either.

Quinn, on Earth Prime your
mother had the chip in her arm.

Oh, right, right, right.

Do you have, like,
a sharp knife?

Oh! You are mad, are you not?

what we are looking for is a chip.

It's a microdot.
It's about this big.

Did they leave you
anything this big?

Did they leave you
anything this big?



It was my mother's.

I'll be careful.




You've got to put
this on your forehead.

Please, trust me.

you better lie down for this.

MOTHER: Hello,
our precious son.

There is a great civil
war raging on our world.

Kromaggs now control
more than half of our planet,

and the lands they've
conquered have been decimated,

their peoples
enslaved or killed.

And that's why we've
made the painful decision

to place you with our
duplicates on parallel worlds

as foster parents to
ensure your safety.

Quinn, it almost blew your mind

and you were already aware
of travel between worlds.

I'm not from this Earth.

Now he's getting
to the good part.



Colin, listen to me.

You're not crazy,
okay? You're not crazy.

It may seem that way,
but believe me, it's all true.

our birth parents came back for me.

My foster mother
told me all about it.

She hid me because she
couldn't bear to part with me.

Now, our real parents may
have come back here for you,

but because your
foster parents died,

that would explain why
they never found you.

My father.

My mother.

Everything in my life was a lie.

Did you love them?
Did they love you?


Then it was not a lie.

But there is a greater truth,
and you just saw that.

Q-Ball, it's getting close.

We want you to come with us.

In less than a minute

that machine is
gonna open a portal

that will take us to
another dimension.

In here?

We have to go, all of us,

or we'll be stuck
here for a long time.

And you've got to come with us.

This microdot was designed to work with your
brain chemistry and your brain chemistry only.

Without you,

I won't be able to work
out our home coordinates.

We'll never find our home
and never see our real parents.

Can I bring some of my work?

Trust me, where we're going,
you'll find plenty to work with.

What about Susanna?

You're gonna have to leave her.

Her mother said she's
marrying the other guy.


MAGGIE: It's time.

But my life here.

Your life is with me

and your new family.


You guys go ahead.

Are you sure?








Pretty wild ride, huh?



That was a truck.


COLIN: Ma'am.




Whoa, whoa!


Seems pretty normal.

There tends to be a variant of this
hotel on just about every world we visit.

we usually try to get the same suite.

Hi. Good morning.

We'd love a suite,
if you have one available.

Certainly. Will that be
bone graft or DNA debit?

Do you take cash?

Of course.

Please fill this out.

Here are your keys.

You're in suite 1215.

Thank you.

Enjoy your stay.


Take your coat
off and stay awhile.

There is one of those cathode image
display units we saw in the store window.

Is it for us?

Everything in
this room is for us.

For keeps?

No, we're just renting.

Hold this.

Now watch.



Taste it.

Odd. What is it?

It's cola.

And what is that?

No one knows.


Hey, you know,
if we've got three days here,

I could stand to
do a little shopping.

What about you, Remmy?

Give the brothers a
chance to do a little bonding?

Uh-huh. Now,

aren't you sorry that you made fun of me
for trying those ATM machines along the way?

I love you, Remmy.


I knew I'd hit one
sooner or later.

Okay. See you.

don't do anything I wouldn't do.

I'm not sure I know him well enough
to know what he would do or not do

under certain circumstances.

It's just an expression. Here,
let's grab a seat.


Here we are.

Yes, we are.

BOTH: You know,
I was thinking...

Sorry, you first.

No, sorry. Go ahead.

I was just thinking
that when I was a kid

I used to have an
imaginary brother.

So did I.


Yeah, his name was Jedediah.

Mine was Skip.

Skip? Yeah.

Is that a name?

Different worlds.

That is beginning to
come more clear to me.

I guess when you, uh,

have a brother and, uh,

you grow up together,

and you see him all the time,

you get kind of
tired of looking at him

and you really can't think of
anything else to say to him.

I suppose that is the way it is.

Well, I've never had a brother.

We didn't grow up together,

and we don't know each other.


Yet I still can't think
of anything else to say.

I have a feeling
that will change.

What do you think?

It's not for you.

Exactly. It's for Colin.

We've got to get that boy
out of those funeral clothes.

You better take it
slow with this one.

He's got a whole new
world to get used to.

I don't know. He seemed pretty
eager to jump into this time zone.

Now me,

if I had flashed into a world
this different from my own,

I would have been
scared to death.

But this guy? Uh-uh. No.
He's ready to be a player.

And I am just the
guy to make it happen.

I think Remmy's got a new playmate.

and Quinn's got a new brother.

It's kind of nice to
see that happen.

I'm happy for him.


MAN 1 ON TV: ...and after you've
arranged the fruit on the plate...

MAN 2 ON TV: In time
of need you can count on...

You like this?

Sometimes there's a good show on.

MAN 3 ON TV: The
charity race was held...

Well, I think it would be more
interesting to take it apart.

we can't do that because it's not ours.



It's okay.


Uh, no. We're fine. We don't
need any towels. Thank you.

It's called a phone,
a telephone. It's a communication device.

Can I take this apart?

Uh, it's not ours, either.

You see, you hear that tone?


That means it works,

and then you punch in
the number that you want.


What number do I want?

See, every person or
business that has a telephone

has a number,
and most of them are in this book.

this is a wonder. I must read it.

Where is the outhouse?


You're gonna love this.

This is what we
call the bathroom.

That is the shower, that's the sink,
and that's the toilet.

Toilet? Check it out.






You okay in there, Colin?

Tarnation! They use water!

And the paper is so soft.

why don't we go out for a little while

and let me show you how
the rest of this world works?


Why is there so much
shrubbery in an eating house?



Hi. What can I get for you?

A draft beer and
what do you want?

I'll have one of those.

One of those.

Why does the drink
have an umbrella in it?

I never really thought about it.

More decoration, I suppose.

Maybe it's important to protect
your drinks from the elements?


You might be right.

Okay. Now,
you be careful with this. It is loaded.

I'm gonna go get something
to eat. Do you want anything?

Uh, no,
thank you. Okay. Don't move.



I was the guy at the bar.

That was me with the draft beer
and the guy who ordered the...


What are you doing here?

And dressed like that?

If your mother could see you...

I do not know what she would do.

Do I know you?

Don't you remember?

Colin Mallory.

I asked you to marry me.

Are you some kind of lab
experiment that blew up?

People always ask me that.

Oh, Susanna.

I'm sorry. I thought you
were somebody else.

No big deal. Nice outfit.


Wait a minute. How
do you know my name?

I know everything about you.



I'm not myself.
Maybe it is the drink.

You're kind of cute,
in a weird way.

Can I buy you something
with an umbrella in it?


One of these for the lady.

You're not from around here.

actually... How could you tell?

Well, you don't look,
dress or sound like anyone around here.

You noticed.

You're a casher?


don't you have a bone graft?

You know, the lady at the hotel
asked us that when we checked in.

No, I don't have a bone graft,
whatever that is.

Or anything else
she was talking about.

What is it? DNA?

I have someplace
very important to go to,

but I'm afraid to go by myself.

Will you come with me?



maybe for a little while.

Could you hold this for me,

Excuse me. I'm sorry. Sorry.

Is that a telephone? Uh, yes.

No wire?

Can I just have
that for one second?

Thanks. Mother, guess what.

I found the perfect person
to help us with our problem.

Trust me on this one.

We're gonna go
right over to the home.

Okay, great, bye.

I know that I shouldn't really

burden you with this
since we've just met,

but you just seem
like such a kind person.

My dear Uncle Ray is being
kept in an old folks' home.

My awful relatives have
put him there against his will.

That's terrible.

My mother and I are
heartbroken about it.

We want to get him out and bring
him home where we can care for him.

That would be a very
decent thing to do.

Yes, but we can't get to him.

The security system at the
home is set to pick up bone grafts.

Any unauthorized
person sets off the alarm.

But since you
don't have a graft,

you could go in and get him.

You want me to steal your uncle?

No, rescue him!

Oh. Come on.





I'm not sure this is right.

is it right that a helpless,

elderly person be kept
in a heartless institution

when a loving family is ready
to care for his every need?

He's in suite 433.

Thank you.

Mighty small suites.

There is a problem. What?

Something you did not tell me.


Uncle Ray is frozen.


He is as dead as a mackerel.

No, he's not.

Oh, I'm sorry, uh,
you're a Canadian,

and I don't think they have
this technology up there.

Uncle Ray is in a state
of suspended animation.

His body functions have been lowered,
but he's alive.

It's the way they handle old people
here when they become too much trouble.

It is true I do not know
much about your science,

but I do know that frozen
flesh cannot be reanimated.

Oh. Well, they inject a
special serum before freezing.

Just find something,
put him in it, and bring him out.

I promise you,
he will be so much happier with us.

he does not look very happy right now.

Wait a minute. How're we
gonna slide with all these shoes?

I don't know.

Colin's gone off somewhere.


He left the bar with a woman.

It didn't take him long
to learn how to do that.

She must have had a car because by the time
I got out on the street, they were gone.

Now, wait a minute. Did
you check up in the room?

I've just been looking on the street.




So, what do we do now?

We stay calm.

He's got three days to
find us or for us to find him.

He's not dumb, you know.

How can you tell?

You don't know how much
this will mean to Mother.

Ray is her favorite uncle.

QUINN: First thing I do
after I find the guy is lose him.

Well, I think you're right about
waiting here. He knows where we are.

I just don't think he'd
purposely walk off like that.

I'm so afraid someone's gonna
take advantage of his innocence.

Look, maybe he's shacked
up someplace with this woman.

I really haven't known Colin that long,

but I can pretty much tell he
is not the shacking up type.

He's a guy, isn't he?

I'm gonna call the police.

Uh-uh, not good.

Quinn, you know we never
have any luck in that area.

We've been here a little while.

The police seem cool.
We haven't seen any abuse.

They're not like stormtroopers.

I'm calling them.


Operator? I'd like the police,


Maybe that's him.

Sergeant Lou Dawson, LAPD.

That was quick. Are
you Quinn Mallory?

Yeah. You're Brown
and you're Beckett?


Well, is there a problem,
Officer? Have we done something wrong?

Oh, I don't think you've done anything,
but there's definitely a problem.

You mind if I sit down?
My dogs are killing me.

QUINN: Go ahead.

Okay, here now.

Every time there is a
transaction made with cash,

there is a photograph
taken for the police.

Is there something
wrong with cash?

It's just unusual,
so we take a picture

to make sure the cash
wasn't obtained illegally.

Uh, why didn't you use your...

Your bone graft or your
DNA debit transaction?

We prefer cash.

We're from Canada.


My mother always told me,
"Never spend money that you can't see."

That is good advice.

You, uh, have had your bone grafts,
haven't you?

Oh, yeah. Of course.

Uh-huh. Yeah.

Well, tell me now,

who is the guy in the big hat?

Uh, that's my brother, Colin.

Where is he?

We haven't seen
him for a few hours.

Well, I have.

what is he doing in this photo?

He's stealing a corpse
from a cryogenic morgue.

DAWSON: The picture was
taken this afternoon at 3:40

at the Clarence Birdseye cryogenic
storage facility on, uh, Alvarado.


So this is a frozen body?

Yeah. I don't know what
it's like up in Canada,

but down here this kind of thing is
getting very popular, if you can afford it.

And now there's a new wrinkle.

Not only can you freeze your body
in the hopes that when you thaw out

they will have found a
cure for what ails you,

but you can also freeze your assets,

I'm not following that.

Well, you know,
your money, your stuff.

It's like the rich
fat cats have finally

found a way to take it
with them when they go.

It's called a DNA
Special Entry Account.

Your loot just sits there gathering
interest till they thaw you out and then...

You know, the only way into
the account is with a DNA match.

I still don't understand what
this has to do with my brother.

New wrinkles can
lead to new crimes.

The bad guys have taken to
hijacking these rich corpses.

Yeah, they take them,
thaw them out, defrost them,

take a little tissue
for the DNA,

clean out the accounts.

First of all,

I don't think my brother would
even think of stealing a body.

Second of all,
that scheme sounds so complicated,

I don't think he'd
be capable of it.

None of us would.

Yeah, I've heard things
are a lot simpler in Canada.

Colin is certainly simpler.

What she means is that
my brother is a bit naive,

but in no way is he criminal.

maybe somebody's taking advantage of him.

You know, using him to do something
that they can't do for some reason.

If that photo is for real,
that's the only possible explanation.

For example, this cryomorgue,

like a lot of businesses,
it uses a bone graft security system.

And the only way somebody
like your brother could

get in and out without
tripping the alarm would be...

If he doesn't have a bone graft.

DAWSON: Bingo.

Is not having a bone
graft against the law?

Not necessarily,

but that is only if you
should find such a person

and, uh,

get them back to Canada
before they're found out.

I've got my best
men on this case

rounding up the usual suspects.

if you should hear from your brother,

it'd be a real good
idea to give me a call.

Thank you.

Okay. Now what?

We gotta find him.

It's a big city.

Besides, what if your brother
really is a body snatcher?

We don't know what
kind of stuff he was into.

Come on. You saw
the world he came from.

I think the sergeant's right.

Somebody's definitely
taking advantage of him.

Short skirts make
new fools every day.

Come on. I want you
to meet my mother.

you won't believe this cornhusk.

It's like he's from
another planet.

I can see.


Mother, this is Colin Mallory, the kind
young man who helped me get Uncle Ray.

Oh, you'll never know
how grateful we are for this.

Come on inside.
You must be starving.

Get that stiff into
the sauna now.

You know, when my daughter, Susanna,
told me she'd met a nice, young man

who could help us with our problem,

I just knew my prayer
had been answered.

I am glad I could help.

You're not from around here,
are you?

I am from Canada.

Ah! Well,
that explains everything.

We have a little business to take
care of and then we'll tie on the feedbag.

don't tell me you don't like pizza.

Very well, uh,
I will not tell you that.

We're gonna get Uncle
Ray into a reanimating facility,

and then we'll have a nice quiet dinner
and get to know one another better.

Now, you just sit here, relax,
read something if you like,

and I will be back in
just a couple of minutes.



Oh, great.

The great book of numbers.





We get a Thomas Guide
and do a quadrant search.




Thank heavens.

I found the hotel in the great
book of numbers Quinn told me of.

Well, the police think you're
some kind of sicko grave robber.

Uh, can I speak to my brother?

Colin, where are you?

I don't know.

I tried to remember street names
but there were so many turns.

And what is a Sepulveda?

Never mind that.
We've got to find you.

I'm in a house,
in a big room with a desk

and a lot of books.

A study. That's no help.

Look at the desk.

Find something with an
address on it. Mail, bills, anything.


Oh, here's something.

16509, Glen Ellen Drive.

Got it. Okay. We
will be right there.

Quinn, Quinn.


This phone has no wire.

(STAMMERING) Just stay put.

Got him.

Don't bother with that now. Just
put the whole thing in the sauna.

We need to get it thawed, chopped up,
and out of here as quickly as possible.

What do we do with
the hayseed upstairs?

We keep him around.

A casher with no graft
could come in pretty handy.

Just think of all the other
Uncle Rays out there

who'd like to warm up
and give us their dough.

What if Colin wants
to go back to Canada?

If you can't keep
a man on a string,

you haven't learned
a thing I taught you.


This time tomorrow, it's front row
747 to Bora Bora for you and me.

I'm already packed.

You know my idea
of a perfect breakfast?

A Ramos Fizz
and fresh lifeguard.

Mmm. Make it two.

It's still warm.






We'll have you out
of there in a second.


Watch this.

Who is the man?

MAGGIE: All right.

We have got to get out of here.

Where's the old man you stole?

I did not. It was just...

More company,
I see. Friends of yours, Mr. Mallory?



How could you get involved with people
that would do such a hideous thing?

It was my idea.

You from Canada, too?

Something like that.

No bone grafts?

Not that we know of.

What a break!

We can set up a whole syndicate,

hijack freezeballs
all over the country.

Let's get these people into more
secure quarters while we filet Uncle Ray.

I thought the old Mrs.
Morehouse was bad.

Get back in the house!

Now, hold it right there.
I'm always late to the party.

Now, that is a lot of gun
for a nice lady like you.


I've been tracking you
since I saw you at the hotel.

Rebecca Morehouse,
Susanna Morehouse.

You're under arrest. We're
charging you with attempted homicide,


Run them on in, fellows.

MAGGIE: Bye-bye,
ladies. Bye. Don't forget to write!

At least I hope it's attempted
homicide. Where's the old geezer?

They said they took the
crate down to the "soona."

The "soona"?

The sauna.

The sauna.


But it's all...

Here, take these gentlemen
downtown and give them the penthouse.

I'm telling you, if he's thawed out,
he is dead for good.

We can't refreeze him.


When I saw Uncle Ray was frozen,

I suspected there was something
wrong with the whole thing.

The staff kitchen was right next door,

where's the cranberry sauce?

I did not have time.

It was a joke. Oh.

That's commendable work,

Now, he's not gonna be
charged with anything, right?

No! He stopped a crime
from being committed.

So what do you charge them with?

Conspiracy, attempted homicide,
DNA grand larceny.

Those sweet ladies are gonna
pull some serious hard time.

But we're gonna
need your testimony.

Unless, of course,
you're planning to go back to Canada,

which I recommended.

In that case,
you can just leave me a deposition.


Don't you think you're rushing
my brother a bit, fashion wise?

Are you kidding me? He wanted
to try on everything in the store.

He thinks the zipper's
gonna change the world.

Well, it did.

Yeah, well,
I hope everything still fits,

the way he's going
through this courtesy bar.

Quinn, I owe you an apology.

Your brother's a lot smarter
than I thought he was.



Is it me?

Yeah, well, it's you now.

Except for one little thing.

I do not understand.

I thought the function of the extension
was to shade your eyes from the sun.

For shortstops, yes, but not for you,
you cutting-edge dude.

Come on, lay five in the hand,
white soul man.


Oh, yeah.

I love it.