Skins (2007–2013): Season 5, Episode 8 - Everyone - full transcript
It's the day of Rich and Grace's wedding and the fractured gang try and make it a happy day but they're at each other's throats. When the van breaks down on the way to the church the gang ...
- Hi.
- That's nice.
Do you love her?
I love you.
But do you love her?
If you care then why did
you fuck my best friend?
Mins!
I have decided that you will be
returning to Mayberry's after all.
What??!
So marry me,
Grace Violet Blood.
I do.
I do.
I do, I do, I do!
Alo! Alo...!
Alo, get me off the fucking roof!
Shit, my balls!
Stay away from Franky today.
What are you, her bodyguard?
No, I'm her best friend.
And I've been looking after her.
Is she OK?
No, she's not OK,
OK? You've made her ill.
I haven't done anything.
We all have to make an effort today
and that includes you, amazingly.
I mean, you've done a pretty great
job ignoring her calls,
so, please,
do not fuck with her head today.
Promise me.
Yes. I promise.
Good. Toodles!
Where are you off to so early?
To, um, Liv's.
To, like, say goodbye to everyone.
OK.
But we need to leave
the Mayberry's by one.
- I could pick you up en route?
- No...
It'll be fine. I'll be back.
I have a little something for you.
Oh... thank you.
To new beginnings.
There we go.
Give Daddy a huggy-wuggy, then.
Lovely.
Just a trim, OK?
Trust me, mate.
Grace is gonna love it.
Ooh!
A-a-ah!
There, that's it.
That's it, good lad. Good, good lad.
I feel violated.
It's called wind
around your ears, mate.
I look like...
Justin Bieber.
- You take that back.
- All right, sorry, sorry, sorry.
You, you look like a man who's
just made the ultimate sacrifice,
for lurve.
Right, er... rain check. Rings?
You should know, best man.
Oh, yeah.
Er...
- Suits are all sorted.
- Dare I ask how?
Da and Dewi used to be in
a Beatles tribute band together.
- I fished 'em out...
- I'm going to ignore that.
Matty and Nick are taking care of...
Catering's sorted, boss.
Oh, my days, Justin Bieber!
- Oh, shit.
- Fuck's sake.
Hey, guys.
All right?
What's in the box?
Ta-da!
Dad made the cake.
And I made the dress.
Wow.
Awesome, Franks.
It's amazing, Franky.
Put it on, then.
Beautiful.
Let's chill those jitters out, yeah?
Better get the glad rags on, then.
Need a hand?
Um, VBL.
Visible boxers' line.
You smooth while I pull, OK?
Do I look like a dick?
No.
You look...
amazing.
Now, remember what I said.
- You...
- I deserve better.
Oh, my God, they're here!
Let's get these fuckers
to the slaughter!
So, the vicar...?
All sorted.
He's a bit... back street.
But it's all cool.
Dewi had a word. They used to be
in a Beatles tribute band together.
If one note of
All We fucking Need Is Love plays,
I'm gonna piss
all over his organ, Al. I swear.
Yes, all right, Richard.
What's that?
Dewi did it himself.
What, when everyone thought
the Earth was still flat?
Alo, you do know how
to get there, don't you?
Yeah, all sorted. Turn right here,
we'll be there in no time.
Er, Alo, you sure about this?
Where are you taking us through?
A special sort of short cut,
B route, Rich.
What, through fucking Helmand?
Well done, Alo. It's a dead end.
Nah, it's fine. I can get round
that. Alo, no.
I can make it.
No!
See?
Shit!
Fuck's sake, Alo!
I told you, you never listen.
I'm sorry, OK?
There's your answer.
Fucking idiot!
- Everyone good?
- Yep.
- All good.
- Yeah, all good.
Shit!
It's going nowhere. Everyone out.
Anyone got reception?
- Nope.
- Right...
Let's get this show
back on the shitty road.
I thought we had discussed
the Matthew situation.
What?
What the fuck
were you doing back there?
I don't know, Mini, OK?
Woo-hoo!
- Put a donk on it, people!
- What the fuck is he on?
- Franky?
- That's called grooming.
May I have this dance?
This isn't the motherfucking
reception, Franky.
Guys, she's dead.
What do you mean by "dead", Alo?
You can fix it, right?
Look! It's... it's a freaking angel!
Oh, my God!
Oh, no, it's a car.
Of course it's a fucking car, Nick.
Hello.
We have to get married
in two hours at Chepston.
Well, isn't that an alignment?
We're off to sell our creation at
their craft fair.
What about the others?
They've got to be there.
Well, we have to be. And...
they will be. Right?
My angel!
- No, that's an angel.
- Leave the angel alone, Nick.
What direction's it in, man?
Cross country as the crow flies,
about an hour. Veer southwest.
Thank you, my henna-handed honcho.
Fingers!
- Don't worry, dude.
- Everything will be OK.
We'll be there.
Bye, guys.
Have fun, kids.
Bye, honey.
- I won't let you down, man!
- Bye.
Bye.
Maybe they're...
post-apocalyptic savages, that'll eat
them alive and make, like,
pants from their skin
and a fucking glockenspiel
from their bones and shit.
- Shut the fuck up, Nick.
- Southwest.
South... south...
Alo...
A horse shit!
Farm boy, what the fuck?
Once more unto the breach,
my friends.
Now, who's with me?!
Hey, Alo, you've got to teach me
that trick, man, with the shit.
Luncheon already?
It's nearly one, David.
How my idle morning has flown.
Where on earth are you going?
To retrieve our fugitive daughter.
Pit stop, you beautiful wankers!
We've only just started, you prick.
One for the road, Mini.
Beer rain! There is a God!
What the fuck was that for?
We've got our friend's wedding
to get to,
Mr I Don't Give A Fuck
About Anything Or Anyone.
- You're wrong, I do.
- What about our agreement?
Mini?
- What agreement?
- You deserve better, remember?
Have you been saying shit
behind my back?
I told him to stay away, OK?
I can't hack this any more.
Let's go.
I'll see you at the church.
No, no, no, we can't split up.
I can get us there, I promise.
Come with us. If you like.
No way! She's staying right here.
Come on, Franky.
Franky, I... I'm trying
to protect you.
Mini, I'll see you later, OK?
He just wants to fuck you
and then fuck you up!
Good.
So you put an insect thingy on her?
A bug. We'll catch her soon enough.
She isn't a dog, David.
Could you unwrap another Werther's
for me, please, Sonia?
And each child rings a year
on the tree of our love
we planted on our wedding day.
- How many do you have, Crystal?
- 13.
No more travelling the world
like a scag-injected tumbleweed.
I rooted in the soil
of our marriage.
- Diesel was a roadie.
- Oh, really? Who for?
Throbbing Gristle, er, Alien Sex
Fiend, er... Napalm Death...
No fucking way!
Way, way wayward,
spiritually bereft.
Bullshit.
Now I hunter-gather!
And I tend to his loin-fruits.
I wonder how the gang are doing.
Alo'll get 'em there.
We're shafted... and it's all my
fault.
Some fucking best man I am!
Er, Als, you know
the negative shit's a real downer.
I'm worried about Franky,
we shouldn't have left her.
Something bad's going to happen
and I... and I can't stop it now.
Well, if anyone can, McGuinness can.
Go... or you'll regret it.
Slide off me, sweatbox.
But Nick needs a come-down cuddle.
See you at the church, Alo!
Ho-bag.
I dunno. I mean,
we've still got to get there, right?
Let go. You want to, right?
A bit of mandy will help us along.
OK.
OK, cool.
Shit.
I'll ask him where we are.
Watch my back.
Er, good day... squire.
Might this be like Chepston,
perchance?
Can you tell me or does my boyf
have to give you a BJ first?
Next one along.
Thank you kindly.
This is what we do.
Er, Franks?
We need to find a cab.
Yeah, I'm just gonna get
some booze for the wedding first.
Impressive!
Come on, guys.
Shit, Franks.
Have you done this before?
Game on... Mattster.
It's OK.
Let's go.
Here, take this.
I'll have your heads on the wall!
And don't come back!
It's called grunge revival, OK?!
Oh, ground, swallow me whole, please.
Oh, erm...
Hi! Have you by any chance
seen, erm, two girls and a boy?
Bugger off!
Er, rudeness!
Why did you stop me?
- She isn't a fucking experiment.
- I thought that was what you wanted.
I'm trying to fix us, Matty.
I want you.
I love you.
But...
But... it's not enough, is it?
And all the chemicals in the world
can't make it enough.
I'd swallow razor blades to see you
smile, but even that wouldn't do it.
Look, Liv, please,
let's just catch her up.
- I don't want her with us now, OK?
- She's off it, she'll get lost.
And I won't?!
No, Liv.
You'll always be OK.
And that girl will always be lost!
Sure you ain't got pills, Al Capone?
One more time.
- One more fucking time!
- Al! Al!
Al! Have you double-double-checked?
No! I do not have any
pharma-fucking-ceuticals, Nicholas!
Argh!
Oh, don't take your dependency
out on me, all right?
Now, come on, pick up the pace.
One, two, three, four!
Look, I'll roll you a spliff
if you pick the pace up to ten...
I'm trapped! Ah!
Fucking hell!
Right, easy, easy, easy.
Aaah!
Like serpents coiled
in perpetual yin-yang mating.
Spiritual Siamese twins
with male-to-female body parts.
Your lives are one.
My key fits her lock.
His cotton bud cleans
my ear.
To hear the glory of our
union!
Slit my wrists now.
What?
Not long before...
You're welded together forever.
Ace.
Go on without me!
I'll die here alone.
It's all I deserve.
Just keep your leg still, all right?
You're in a rabbit snare.
Ow! Save yourself
andleave me to the bears!
We're in Somerset, Nick!
To the fucking squirrels, then!
Ah!
- Go!
- Just shut up, all right?
Shut up and keep your frigging leg
still!
Oh, bloody hell, Nick!
- When did you last change these?!
- It's not them.
That's the smell of a loser's death.
You're not a loser.
You're a bit of a prick,
but peel away that prick...
and there's a good man in there.
- Come on, big boy!
- No... No!
- Arise, sire!
- Argh!
My beer. I want my beer.
No, let it go.
- You're a good... good bloke, Alo.
- Yeah, I know.
Liv!
Where is, er... everyone else?
Like Franky?
- Your girl crush is so blatant.
- What?!
Where's your man, then?
I think I've... fucked things up,
big style.
So... where is he?
Looking for her.
Oh... I'm afraid you've missed your
slot.
I'm just starting
the born-again-agains' baptisms.
But I could fit you in
in an hour?
Potentially.
Oh, right.
Ah. Oh, 16.23!
And a Refresher! Done.
Where's that young Creevey
and the rest of your party?
Oh, well, there's almost an hour
yet.
All you need is two witnesses.
Uh...
- They'll be here.
- You reckon?
They have to be -
they're our friends, Rich.
Let's just find two people
for, like, backup.
Two people - easy.
Oh, my God!
- Come on!
- We're gonna live!
- A road!
- We're gonna live!
We're saved!
But there's loads of room!
Oh, very salubrious, Bertie.
- Er, hi.
- Oh, hello, lad.
Will you be here in an hour?
- Oh, can't say!
- We've not got long.
Oh, yeah, good one.
No way.
We need two witnesses
so we can get married,
cos everything's gone wrong and...
Please.
Of course, dear, of course.
In an hour, then.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah!
- Yeah. OK.
- Thank you.
Liv?
Matty?
Are you OK?
I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I thought...
Where's Liv?
I tried to stay away from you
and I can't.
Here we are...
It's not random.
You feel it, right?
I really want to fucking kiss you,
but I can't.
Then why are you head-fucking me?!
Franky, don't...
Just as fucked in the head
as you are.
You know, when I was six,
teacher asked me
to think of something beautiful.
I said 9/11.
Saw it on the TV in this care home
with the sound on mute.
Teacher told me how many people
had died.
And all the other kids
in the class cried,
and I knew then that I was...
wrong.
I guess
that's why my parents gave me up.
Because they knew, too...
right from the beginning.
- Franky?
- Get off me. Get off me!
Franky, wait! Franky!
Franky, come back! Franky!
- Please...
- What the hell happened?
What the fuck have you done?
Franky!
Franky, please, come back!
Franky!
Franky!
Franky!
Franky!
Can you see her?
She's here! Franky, hold on!
- Take my hand, Franky.
- Go away.
Please, Franky!
Franky, take my hand!
Franky, please, please!
I'm so sorry, Franky!
Come on, please, take my hand.
OK!
Want a hand?
OK?
Franky... did he...
hurt you?
It's not what it looks like, Liv.
I swear, she just lost it.
I just... wanted to feel...
normal.
Ah!
David fucking Blood!
Shit.
- Oh...
- Oh, fucking...
Hey, stop! Stop! Stop, please!
- They went and got battered.
- They're supposed to be
our friends.
Just us now.
This is so not what I dreamed of.
Why did you cut your lovely hair?
I asked for a trim.
Guess I look the part, I suppose.
Mr and Mrs Mainstream.
Did you actually think
that's what I wanted?
Grace!
Blood is coming!
But my bridesmaids...!
- Nick, do the honours.
- Bring it on.
All we need is love.
Great.
All we need is...
To get on with the service.
Not on God's holy earth.
How did you know I was here?
He put an electric
insect thing on you.
A bug, for the billionth time.
I'm your daughter, not al-Qaeda.
You are coming home with us.
Hey, Grace.
You're all here!
Look at what this motley crew
have done to our little girl.
I'm not your little girl.
Her future's hers, David, not ours.
You...
you corrupters are
all, all, expelled.
You can't do that, sir.
Oh, look how the mighty
have fallen.
Yeah. I fell...
down a f...
reaking k-hole, actually,
but these guys caught me.
It's what mates do.
Cos it's screwed up out there.
I don't know if you've been outside
lately, but it is. But we have a go.
Whatever comes,
we have a good go at it.
Cos it's all we can do.
Right, then, so be it.
But we shall take no further part
in this ridiculous melodrama.
Sonia!
So, are we going to, you know...
get married?
Don't ever cut your hair again.
Not gonna.
It'll grow. You're still my
metal man, my own Tin Man.
So things are good, right, with us?
Yeah. So do we
really need to change things?
You could just take me
to be your boyfriend.
Totally.
I can't walk any more.
Like, ever again.
Hark!
I sense merriment afoot.
Let's go!
Alo!
Oh, please...
Alo!
I can't even walk!
Alo, where the fuck are you going?
Woo-hoo! Woo!
Take a piece of cake.
Take it, take it.
I told you! Yes! Yes!
Ta-da!
OK!
It's not your fault.
We had a good day, didn't we?
What?
The day we met.
I don't want to fuck
with that memory any more.
Let's just...
see it out in style.
Are you OK?
I used to...
beam myself away,
go somewhere in my head
where I felt less...
weird.
You're not.
Who'd have thought,
the three of us sharing a peace pipe?
Let's try not to fuck it this time.
You're missing
my not-wedding-after-party.
We are a mess, we are failures
and we love it!
We are a mess, we are failures
and we love it!
We are a mess, we are failures
and we love it!
We are a mess, we are failures
and we love it!
Subtitles by
Red Bee Media Ltd
- That's nice.
Do you love her?
I love you.
But do you love her?
If you care then why did
you fuck my best friend?
Mins!
I have decided that you will be
returning to Mayberry's after all.
What??!
So marry me,
Grace Violet Blood.
I do.
I do.
I do, I do, I do!
Alo! Alo...!
Alo, get me off the fucking roof!
Shit, my balls!
Stay away from Franky today.
What are you, her bodyguard?
No, I'm her best friend.
And I've been looking after her.
Is she OK?
No, she's not OK,
OK? You've made her ill.
I haven't done anything.
We all have to make an effort today
and that includes you, amazingly.
I mean, you've done a pretty great
job ignoring her calls,
so, please,
do not fuck with her head today.
Promise me.
Yes. I promise.
Good. Toodles!
Where are you off to so early?
To, um, Liv's.
To, like, say goodbye to everyone.
OK.
But we need to leave
the Mayberry's by one.
- I could pick you up en route?
- No...
It'll be fine. I'll be back.
I have a little something for you.
Oh... thank you.
To new beginnings.
There we go.
Give Daddy a huggy-wuggy, then.
Lovely.
Just a trim, OK?
Trust me, mate.
Grace is gonna love it.
Ooh!
A-a-ah!
There, that's it.
That's it, good lad. Good, good lad.
I feel violated.
It's called wind
around your ears, mate.
I look like...
Justin Bieber.
- You take that back.
- All right, sorry, sorry, sorry.
You, you look like a man who's
just made the ultimate sacrifice,
for lurve.
Right, er... rain check. Rings?
You should know, best man.
Oh, yeah.
Er...
- Suits are all sorted.
- Dare I ask how?
Da and Dewi used to be in
a Beatles tribute band together.
- I fished 'em out...
- I'm going to ignore that.
Matty and Nick are taking care of...
Catering's sorted, boss.
Oh, my days, Justin Bieber!
- Oh, shit.
- Fuck's sake.
Hey, guys.
All right?
What's in the box?
Ta-da!
Dad made the cake.
And I made the dress.
Wow.
Awesome, Franks.
It's amazing, Franky.
Put it on, then.
Beautiful.
Let's chill those jitters out, yeah?
Better get the glad rags on, then.
Need a hand?
Um, VBL.
Visible boxers' line.
You smooth while I pull, OK?
Do I look like a dick?
No.
You look...
amazing.
Now, remember what I said.
- You...
- I deserve better.
Oh, my God, they're here!
Let's get these fuckers
to the slaughter!
So, the vicar...?
All sorted.
He's a bit... back street.
But it's all cool.
Dewi had a word. They used to be
in a Beatles tribute band together.
If one note of
All We fucking Need Is Love plays,
I'm gonna piss
all over his organ, Al. I swear.
Yes, all right, Richard.
What's that?
Dewi did it himself.
What, when everyone thought
the Earth was still flat?
Alo, you do know how
to get there, don't you?
Yeah, all sorted. Turn right here,
we'll be there in no time.
Er, Alo, you sure about this?
Where are you taking us through?
A special sort of short cut,
B route, Rich.
What, through fucking Helmand?
Well done, Alo. It's a dead end.
Nah, it's fine. I can get round
that. Alo, no.
I can make it.
No!
See?
Shit!
Fuck's sake, Alo!
I told you, you never listen.
I'm sorry, OK?
There's your answer.
Fucking idiot!
- Everyone good?
- Yep.
- All good.
- Yeah, all good.
Shit!
It's going nowhere. Everyone out.
Anyone got reception?
- Nope.
- Right...
Let's get this show
back on the shitty road.
I thought we had discussed
the Matthew situation.
What?
What the fuck
were you doing back there?
I don't know, Mini, OK?
Woo-hoo!
- Put a donk on it, people!
- What the fuck is he on?
- Franky?
- That's called grooming.
May I have this dance?
This isn't the motherfucking
reception, Franky.
Guys, she's dead.
What do you mean by "dead", Alo?
You can fix it, right?
Look! It's... it's a freaking angel!
Oh, my God!
Oh, no, it's a car.
Of course it's a fucking car, Nick.
Hello.
We have to get married
in two hours at Chepston.
Well, isn't that an alignment?
We're off to sell our creation at
their craft fair.
What about the others?
They've got to be there.
Well, we have to be. And...
they will be. Right?
My angel!
- No, that's an angel.
- Leave the angel alone, Nick.
What direction's it in, man?
Cross country as the crow flies,
about an hour. Veer southwest.
Thank you, my henna-handed honcho.
Fingers!
- Don't worry, dude.
- Everything will be OK.
We'll be there.
Bye, guys.
Have fun, kids.
Bye, honey.
- I won't let you down, man!
- Bye.
Bye.
Maybe they're...
post-apocalyptic savages, that'll eat
them alive and make, like,
pants from their skin
and a fucking glockenspiel
from their bones and shit.
- Shut the fuck up, Nick.
- Southwest.
South... south...
Alo...
A horse shit!
Farm boy, what the fuck?
Once more unto the breach,
my friends.
Now, who's with me?!
Hey, Alo, you've got to teach me
that trick, man, with the shit.
Luncheon already?
It's nearly one, David.
How my idle morning has flown.
Where on earth are you going?
To retrieve our fugitive daughter.
Pit stop, you beautiful wankers!
We've only just started, you prick.
One for the road, Mini.
Beer rain! There is a God!
What the fuck was that for?
We've got our friend's wedding
to get to,
Mr I Don't Give A Fuck
About Anything Or Anyone.
- You're wrong, I do.
- What about our agreement?
Mini?
- What agreement?
- You deserve better, remember?
Have you been saying shit
behind my back?
I told him to stay away, OK?
I can't hack this any more.
Let's go.
I'll see you at the church.
No, no, no, we can't split up.
I can get us there, I promise.
Come with us. If you like.
No way! She's staying right here.
Come on, Franky.
Franky, I... I'm trying
to protect you.
Mini, I'll see you later, OK?
He just wants to fuck you
and then fuck you up!
Good.
So you put an insect thingy on her?
A bug. We'll catch her soon enough.
She isn't a dog, David.
Could you unwrap another Werther's
for me, please, Sonia?
And each child rings a year
on the tree of our love
we planted on our wedding day.
- How many do you have, Crystal?
- 13.
No more travelling the world
like a scag-injected tumbleweed.
I rooted in the soil
of our marriage.
- Diesel was a roadie.
- Oh, really? Who for?
Throbbing Gristle, er, Alien Sex
Fiend, er... Napalm Death...
No fucking way!
Way, way wayward,
spiritually bereft.
Bullshit.
Now I hunter-gather!
And I tend to his loin-fruits.
I wonder how the gang are doing.
Alo'll get 'em there.
We're shafted... and it's all my
fault.
Some fucking best man I am!
Er, Als, you know
the negative shit's a real downer.
I'm worried about Franky,
we shouldn't have left her.
Something bad's going to happen
and I... and I can't stop it now.
Well, if anyone can, McGuinness can.
Go... or you'll regret it.
Slide off me, sweatbox.
But Nick needs a come-down cuddle.
See you at the church, Alo!
Ho-bag.
I dunno. I mean,
we've still got to get there, right?
Let go. You want to, right?
A bit of mandy will help us along.
OK.
OK, cool.
Shit.
I'll ask him where we are.
Watch my back.
Er, good day... squire.
Might this be like Chepston,
perchance?
Can you tell me or does my boyf
have to give you a BJ first?
Next one along.
Thank you kindly.
This is what we do.
Er, Franks?
We need to find a cab.
Yeah, I'm just gonna get
some booze for the wedding first.
Impressive!
Come on, guys.
Shit, Franks.
Have you done this before?
Game on... Mattster.
It's OK.
Let's go.
Here, take this.
I'll have your heads on the wall!
And don't come back!
It's called grunge revival, OK?!
Oh, ground, swallow me whole, please.
Oh, erm...
Hi! Have you by any chance
seen, erm, two girls and a boy?
Bugger off!
Er, rudeness!
Why did you stop me?
- She isn't a fucking experiment.
- I thought that was what you wanted.
I'm trying to fix us, Matty.
I want you.
I love you.
But...
But... it's not enough, is it?
And all the chemicals in the world
can't make it enough.
I'd swallow razor blades to see you
smile, but even that wouldn't do it.
Look, Liv, please,
let's just catch her up.
- I don't want her with us now, OK?
- She's off it, she'll get lost.
And I won't?!
No, Liv.
You'll always be OK.
And that girl will always be lost!
Sure you ain't got pills, Al Capone?
One more time.
- One more fucking time!
- Al! Al!
Al! Have you double-double-checked?
No! I do not have any
pharma-fucking-ceuticals, Nicholas!
Argh!
Oh, don't take your dependency
out on me, all right?
Now, come on, pick up the pace.
One, two, three, four!
Look, I'll roll you a spliff
if you pick the pace up to ten...
I'm trapped! Ah!
Fucking hell!
Right, easy, easy, easy.
Aaah!
Like serpents coiled
in perpetual yin-yang mating.
Spiritual Siamese twins
with male-to-female body parts.
Your lives are one.
My key fits her lock.
His cotton bud cleans
my ear.
To hear the glory of our
union!
Slit my wrists now.
What?
Not long before...
You're welded together forever.
Ace.
Go on without me!
I'll die here alone.
It's all I deserve.
Just keep your leg still, all right?
You're in a rabbit snare.
Ow! Save yourself
andleave me to the bears!
We're in Somerset, Nick!
To the fucking squirrels, then!
Ah!
- Go!
- Just shut up, all right?
Shut up and keep your frigging leg
still!
Oh, bloody hell, Nick!
- When did you last change these?!
- It's not them.
That's the smell of a loser's death.
You're not a loser.
You're a bit of a prick,
but peel away that prick...
and there's a good man in there.
- Come on, big boy!
- No... No!
- Arise, sire!
- Argh!
My beer. I want my beer.
No, let it go.
- You're a good... good bloke, Alo.
- Yeah, I know.
Liv!
Where is, er... everyone else?
Like Franky?
- Your girl crush is so blatant.
- What?!
Where's your man, then?
I think I've... fucked things up,
big style.
So... where is he?
Looking for her.
Oh... I'm afraid you've missed your
slot.
I'm just starting
the born-again-agains' baptisms.
But I could fit you in
in an hour?
Potentially.
Oh, right.
Ah. Oh, 16.23!
And a Refresher! Done.
Where's that young Creevey
and the rest of your party?
Oh, well, there's almost an hour
yet.
All you need is two witnesses.
Uh...
- They'll be here.
- You reckon?
They have to be -
they're our friends, Rich.
Let's just find two people
for, like, backup.
Two people - easy.
Oh, my God!
- Come on!
- We're gonna live!
- A road!
- We're gonna live!
We're saved!
But there's loads of room!
Oh, very salubrious, Bertie.
- Er, hi.
- Oh, hello, lad.
Will you be here in an hour?
- Oh, can't say!
- We've not got long.
Oh, yeah, good one.
No way.
We need two witnesses
so we can get married,
cos everything's gone wrong and...
Please.
Of course, dear, of course.
In an hour, then.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah!
- Yeah. OK.
- Thank you.
Liv?
Matty?
Are you OK?
I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I thought...
Where's Liv?
I tried to stay away from you
and I can't.
Here we are...
It's not random.
You feel it, right?
I really want to fucking kiss you,
but I can't.
Then why are you head-fucking me?!
Franky, don't...
Just as fucked in the head
as you are.
You know, when I was six,
teacher asked me
to think of something beautiful.
I said 9/11.
Saw it on the TV in this care home
with the sound on mute.
Teacher told me how many people
had died.
And all the other kids
in the class cried,
and I knew then that I was...
wrong.
I guess
that's why my parents gave me up.
Because they knew, too...
right from the beginning.
- Franky?
- Get off me. Get off me!
Franky, wait! Franky!
Franky, come back! Franky!
- Please...
- What the hell happened?
What the fuck have you done?
Franky!
Franky, please, come back!
Franky!
Franky!
Franky!
Franky!
Can you see her?
She's here! Franky, hold on!
- Take my hand, Franky.
- Go away.
Please, Franky!
Franky, take my hand!
Franky, please, please!
I'm so sorry, Franky!
Come on, please, take my hand.
OK!
Want a hand?
OK?
Franky... did he...
hurt you?
It's not what it looks like, Liv.
I swear, she just lost it.
I just... wanted to feel...
normal.
Ah!
David fucking Blood!
Shit.
- Oh...
- Oh, fucking...
Hey, stop! Stop! Stop, please!
- They went and got battered.
- They're supposed to be
our friends.
Just us now.
This is so not what I dreamed of.
Why did you cut your lovely hair?
I asked for a trim.
Guess I look the part, I suppose.
Mr and Mrs Mainstream.
Did you actually think
that's what I wanted?
Grace!
Blood is coming!
But my bridesmaids...!
- Nick, do the honours.
- Bring it on.
All we need is love.
Great.
All we need is...
To get on with the service.
Not on God's holy earth.
How did you know I was here?
He put an electric
insect thing on you.
A bug, for the billionth time.
I'm your daughter, not al-Qaeda.
You are coming home with us.
Hey, Grace.
You're all here!
Look at what this motley crew
have done to our little girl.
I'm not your little girl.
Her future's hers, David, not ours.
You...
you corrupters are
all, all, expelled.
You can't do that, sir.
Oh, look how the mighty
have fallen.
Yeah. I fell...
down a f...
reaking k-hole, actually,
but these guys caught me.
It's what mates do.
Cos it's screwed up out there.
I don't know if you've been outside
lately, but it is. But we have a go.
Whatever comes,
we have a good go at it.
Cos it's all we can do.
Right, then, so be it.
But we shall take no further part
in this ridiculous melodrama.
Sonia!
So, are we going to, you know...
get married?
Don't ever cut your hair again.
Not gonna.
It'll grow. You're still my
metal man, my own Tin Man.
So things are good, right, with us?
Yeah. So do we
really need to change things?
You could just take me
to be your boyfriend.
Totally.
I can't walk any more.
Like, ever again.
Hark!
I sense merriment afoot.
Let's go!
Alo!
Oh, please...
Alo!
I can't even walk!
Alo, where the fuck are you going?
Woo-hoo! Woo!
Take a piece of cake.
Take it, take it.
I told you! Yes! Yes!
Ta-da!
OK!
It's not your fault.
We had a good day, didn't we?
What?
The day we met.
I don't want to fuck
with that memory any more.
Let's just...
see it out in style.
Are you OK?
I used to...
beam myself away,
go somewhere in my head
where I felt less...
weird.
You're not.
Who'd have thought,
the three of us sharing a peace pipe?
Let's try not to fuck it this time.
You're missing
my not-wedding-after-party.
We are a mess, we are failures
and we love it!
We are a mess, we are failures
and we love it!
We are a mess, we are failures
and we love it!
We are a mess, we are failures
and we love it!
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Red Bee Media Ltd