Skins (2007–2013): Season 2, Episode 4 - Michelle - full transcript

Dad?

I love you.

I felt nothing.

{3}Me and Sketch were
wondering if we could...

{3}- It won't take long.
- It never takes long.

I'm going to surprise him.

She misses you, right?

I think I dumped Cassie.

She's... with some guy.

Michelle had the funny tits
and was like so boring.

I told you I loved you, didn't I?



Do you actually remember
or is that a guess?

Do you remember what it was like
to kiss him for the first time?

That magic moment
when everything changed?

MICHELLE

Hello, Anthea.

Is Tony here?

He is.

So... could I talk to him?

Haven't seen you for
a while, Michelle.

You must have been very busy, yeah?

Anthea...

I'm sorry. It's been difficult.

Yeah, it has.
It's been very, very difficult.

And he's starting to get better



and I don't want anyone
screwing that up,

because they can't
make their mind up, OK?

Mum?

It's rude to keep people
waiting on the doorstep.

How are you feeling?

Good.

I start doing whole days
at college next week.

I can hold a pen
for three pages now

and I can remember the words
to a whole song.

Go on then.

OK. Let me get this. OK.

That's just the chorus.

It's a start.

How much do you actually
remember about us, Tony?

I remember.

So tell me something.

Sid loves you.

No. Sid loves Cassie, Tony.

He loves you.

That isn't about you and me.

I don't like to think about us.

Why not?

They told me some things
might never come back.

You used to say one tit
was bigger than the other.

Look at me, for fuck's sake.

They're fine.

Tony.

What are we going to do?

You can do this, OK?

OK.

- You want it.
- Yeah.

Oh my God!

This is ridiculous!

I'm sorry.

Why can't you get better for me?

We had so much and
it's all fucked up for ever.

It's just the way it is, Nips.

You bastard! What the fuck were
you doing in the road! You idiot!

You fucking idiot!

It's time you went, Michelle.

I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
I didn't mean it to happen.

No, but it did, didn't it?

So just go.

I'll wait for you downstairs.

I don't think I can
wait any more, Tony.

I got you a present.

It's a birthday present.

For the good times.

I'm going camping for my birthday.

OK, well, I don't want to come,
so... take it.

Those boxes over there. And this
lot over there in the kitchen.

Michelle! Come on.

Yeah.
Why aren't you bringing furniture?

- It's so weird.
- We discussed this.

New start. Clean sheet.

You've known him for two months.

You didn't have to get married
for Christ sakes - again!

Well, fuck it. I did marry him,
Reader. And here we are.

Come on. You'll love it.

Careful with that, it's fragile!

Fuckin' bi...

Where is everything?

It's minimal. Functional.

- Modern.
- Yes.

Bit wanky.

Yes... No! Christ! You don't have to
be negative just for the sake of it.

It's totally state of the art.

Check this out.

Blinds up.

Lights on.

Music on.

Marvellous. We'll never
have to use our hands again.

It's empty.

Ted hates mess.

- No shit.
- Chelle!

Well, this is exactly
the kind of place you hate.

Totally up itself. Over designed,
self conscious, anal...

Who designed this
bollocks for him, anyway?

Some kind of knobby
interior designer...

It was you, wasn't it?

You can be so judgmental.

Oh, my God.

It's a shag pad. You designed him
a shag pad and shagged him in it.

It wasn't like that.
Well, it was a bit like that.

Must have been the way he
went through my swatches.

Look, love.

He's the one.

We've got a future
and I'm gonna go for it.

Just wish your future
started after I'd left home.

A few subtle changes
here and there,

a touch of colour,
and we'll be fine.

Door open.

Second bedroom, yeah?

Yeah. This one's mine.

Buggerin' hell!

This one's
actually a lemon squeezer.

Thank Christ for that.

Fuck me senseless.

Hey. What's it like?

A fucking nightmare, of course!

All there is, is sheep,
sheep shit and my mum.

I'm not having such a hot time
myself.

Can't you come down and help?

I don't know how to get out of here.

It's fucking miles.
What are you doing?

Babysitting.

We're still going camping
for my birthday?

I'm not sure you wanna
share a tent with these guys.

Anyway, stay cool, yeah?

Right. Where were we?

Michelle's annoyed with you.

Yeah, my willy's gone wonky
and I'm a little bit mad.

OK. Anwar's acting weird...

Totally, man.

If I didn't know better I would
say he was fucking someone secretly.

No way.

It's not possible.

OK...

And you went to Scotland to
see Cassie and she wasn't there

and you think she's off shagging
some Scottish guy named Lachlan.

And my dad's dead.

Bummer.

Sorry about that.

Chris - got anything to offer?

Bubbles.

They go up and up,

and up.

And then...

they disappear.

Poof!

Chelle!

Chelle!

I need help with lunch!

Chelle!

CHELLE!

Blinds up.

Blinds up!

Music?

Music, better?

OK...

Blinds, go fuck yourselves!

Oh, hi, Michelle! Everything OK?

Fuck!

Blinds! Blinds... close!

Blinds down! Close! Blinds!

Aaargh! Close blinds!

Help!

Oh, perfect!

Yum-yum!

This is...

- This is lovely, Ted.
- Isn't it?

You know, that was a moment for me

when you said you loved
yellow fin tuna. Oh, yeah.

I say to myself, any girl that loves
Mies van der Rohe furniture,

Corbusier and tuna sashimi
has got to be right for me.

Oh, Ted, you're so sweet.

You know,

Mum's last husband Malcolm
said something very similar.

Oh?

Oh, yeah...

Actually, I'm getting that wrong.

Darling, no need to...

He just said he liked your big
fat arse, didn't he?

Oh! Oh, fuck!

Oh, shit!

Darling, allow me.

Lovely! Oh, nice and salty.

I thought we could go christen
the er, the tub later.

The tub?

Mmm. New toy. Very social, fresh air,

couple of Creamy Dream cocktails,
hot tub, what could be better?

Erm, I'm not sure.

You know, we're all gonna be so happy
together. Right?

Right.

Hello. Ted Rankles...

Oh, yes...

Hey, gorgeous plums!

What?

What?!

A cheese omelette?

She made it with margarine?

Yeah, of course, trans-fats.

Yeah. Of course you can, come over.

Ted!

Yeah. OK, sweetheart.

Yeah, take her car.

I fucking pay for it after all. Yeah!

OK, yeah, see you soon.

Who was that?

Scarlett, my daughter.

Your daughter?

Yes.
Darling, I was going to tell you.

Scarlett lives with
her mum in Henley and...

You know, Diane can be such a bitch.

Poor old Plums.

She'll be here in an hour.

- Another cracked nipple, anyone?
- Er, yes!

Haven't quite
got the hang of this yet.

You didn't tell me...

I'd forgotten.
Anyway, I didn't think she'd...

Gorgeous Plums?! Oh, yeah.

Bugger. I keep doing that!

Ah. That must be her!

Here she is!

He-he-hey! Teddy Bear!

My Teddy Bear!

She is such a titless,
jealous bitch, that's what she is!

What did you ever see
in that saggy old bint?

You can't talk about her like that.

- That's what you always call her.
- Not sure that I do.

You said that she was
a menopausal old hag

and they'd have to stockpile
HRT for like a decade and...

Oh, they're here.

Yes. Remember I told you,
they're moving in today.

Do they have to?

Yes, love. We discussed this.
Now you know Anna...

Nice to see you again, Scarlett.

And this is Michelle.

- Mee-chelle?
- It's Michelle, actually.

Whatever. Daddy, you can't
make me live with her any more.

Oh, Munchkin!

Erm, perhaps
we should talk about it?

- I'm sure your Mum...
- She doesn't want me here!

I do! I do. It's just that...

Anyway. I've decided to take another
year out before going to uni.

Right.

I won't waste it.
I'm gonna do stuff.

I thought I might take an evening
class in Chinese or something.

I mean they're all Chinese now,
aren't they?

And you always said
that tu casa was my casa.

Well, of course you can
stay here, sweetheart.

It's not like you'd put
me out on the streets.

No, Bunny.

Thank you, Daddykins, I love you.

I love you, too, Possum Poo.

I'm going to my room.

Dad! Someone's put their stuff
in my fucking room!

She won't be here long.
Well, not that long.

A few weeks.

We're not entirely sure, but...

Mum...

I'm sorry.

I promise we'll do something
great for your birthday, yeah?

It's OK.
Jal says we can go camping, maybe.

Least I'll be out of the way.

Oh, darling, you're not in the way.

It's hard to be out of
the way of those tits.

Stop it.

Some pair of bazookas, eh?

I love you, Bunnyflaps!

I love you too, lardy buns!

Tub anyone?

It's totally heated by solar power.

12,000 litres of heaven, 15 settings.

Whirlpool,

uprush, and...

Vesuvio...

Let's give it a go!

No need to be shy, darling.

I mean, we're all family now!

Wonderful.

Hey, Cheeky!

Chelle!

Wonderful!

Come on in, it's lovely!

Hey, where's Michelle?

Poor old Plum's stuck here with us
oldies,

why don't you get her to take
her to meet some of her friends?

They'll love Scarlett.
Everybody loves Scarlett.

I've been doing some courses.

Er, dog walking,
Cordon Bleu barbecue,

intermediate eroticism...

And the rest of the time
I just sewed.

I made this, erm,
this pair of shorts, actually.

They're a lovely pair.

Really lovely pair.

Lovely.

Anyway, we still going camping?

- Sid!?
- Yeah?

Jal wants us all to go camping.

- For my birthday?
- It was only a suggestion.

I can't.

- I'm going to be...
- What?

Nothing, erm. Hey, Max!

- You all right, mate?
- Fine. Fine.

I'm really fine as in, whoa!

Fine.

OK...

Max, this is Scarlett.

Hi!

What do you think about camping,
Max?

Well, if guys wanna do it,
it's their business.

Personally, I like a more butch look.

Thing is, you know, erm,
coursework...

Skint.

Chris?

- Nipples.
- What?

Thanks for the enthusiasm, everyone.

Camping's wicked!

Camp fires,

a few spliffs,
booze, alfresco sex.

What could be better? We should go!

Hang on, "we"?

Spliffs, booze and alfresco sex!

What is that?

Shagging under the stars.
There's nothing like it.

I'm in. Erm...

We haven't got a car and...

I have an enormous Volvo.

I think that swings it.

So that's Monday everyone.

Monday! Final coursework deadline
and if you miss it,

you'll be fucked.
Got that, Chris?

Fucked. Got it, Sal.

No, I mean it everybody!
Don't let me down.

Are you listening to...?

Barrie? Yeah. I'm ovulating.

Meet me in the stationery cupboard?

No, I mean it. It's now or never.

What's up? We're going camping, OK?

I didn't invite Scarlett Bitch
and you're all gagging over her.

She... She seems really nice.

She's a cow.
I don't want her coming.

She's just... Just...

Michelle, we're gonna go camping
and we're going to be nice. OK?

For fuck's sake, Sid!

Sorry. I dropped the spliff again.

See, the problem with beach sex

- is sand on the nads.
- Think I see it.

Sweaty nads plus sand
equals chafing.

- You've got sweaty nads?
- Me...? No.

No. Sand just rolls off 'em
like talcum powder

due to my exceptionally smooth,
thus, self-draining bollocks.

Fuck's sake. We've already had
three bifters.

Leave it down there.

Nah, find it, man!

We've lost all feeling below the
knees back here. It's like torture!

Yeah.

No, hang on. Yeah.

Why didn't Tony wanna come?

Said he didn't feel like it.

That's it? That's all he said?

There's no room in the car,
is there?

No. Here we go...

Hang on.

You're so gross! You're disgusting!

That's your birthday present,'Chelle!

Oh, you tramp!

Seriously, guys.

What did you all get me
for my birthday?

Me and my friends always come here.

That's wicked, man!

What do you think, Meesh?

It's fucking Michelle, all right?

OK.

People usually like my nicknames.
Don't they, Spunky?

Spunky... love it.

Oh, for fuck's sake!

What's my nickname, Scarlett?

Knobless.

This is beautiful, man.
Just like Baywatch.

Right then! First things first.

Skinny dipping.

Skinny dipping?

Yeah!

Come on there's only us here. What
are you guys, a bunch of pussies?

I'm not.

Coolio.

I'll race you.

Never seen one like that before.

Oh, my God, Anwar!
You really did it.

What?

Wearing all my clothes.

It's compact. Saves on the luggage.
I got ya!

Anwar, have you been shaving stuff?

Allah Akbar!

Let's go!

Allah Akbar!

All right?

Jal says you went to see Tony.

It's over, Sid.

I tried...

I can't...

It just doesn't work any more.

I'm not a good enough person.

- That's all there is to it.
- Hey. You're good enough.

Ugh... she does my head in.

Just got to get to know her a bit.

- She's fun.
- And I'm not?

Always.

You OK, Sid?

Sometimes.

I keep forgetting Dad's...

Anyways. We should get the tents up.

Gimme a hand getting them off the...

Roof...

- It's not my fault!
- I told you to tie the tents to the roof!

You said to put the stuff
on the roof, not tie it.

You meader, Chris!

What do you think was holding
them up there, you muppet?

- Where the fuck are we gonna sleep?
- I'm sorry!

Fuck it. I'm inadequate.
What can you do?

This.

That has gotta hurt!

It's OK. I put mine in the boot.

Might be a bit of a squeeze,
but we can probably manage.

All you have to do is peg it down.

Yo, Scarlett!

I got it when I went travelling,
my dad bought it for me.

We love your Dad!

Pull yourself together, girl,
for fuck's sakes.

What you got?

I don't know.

I'll save it for later.

What's wrong with me?

How long you got?

You think we're all gonna fit in?

We're gonna have to squeeze up.

Real close. Eh, Scarlett?

It's going to be warm.

Get off!

- Hang on.
- What is it?

Does the sea sound louder?

Oh, my God!

Oh my God, my car!

Wher are the keys!
Oh, my God, where's the keys!

Nice.

Anwar?

Who the fuck's that?

That's your stalker, Maxxie.

Hello, Maxxie.

- What are you doing?
- Listen...

- She broke into my flat!
- Then she tried to poison me!

I can probably explain.

You'll just need to
give me a minute.

What else can I say? I like her.

- She's a fucking bunny boiler!
- She's all right.

She's a freak.
And you call yourself a friend?

- I am!
- How could you do this?

I was going to tell you.

Max, if only you could
see how much she's changed.

I've changed.
I've transferred my affections...

She's transferred
her affections, man.

Now she's fixated on me.

Isn't that great?

You lied to me, An!

I know... Look, will somebody
help me out here? Make him see...

You shouldn't lie, Anwar.
Not to Max.

I'm sorry, Maxxie.

I was going through some stuff.

I know that's not an excuse.

You too, Michelle.

I was a bit ga-ga.
And I'm sorry, I really am.

I know that now.

Please. Everyone...

Please forgive me.

Whatever.

Well, I don't know about
any of this, but I think

we got to lift this mood yeah?

Chris, did you get that guitar
out of the car

before it got so fucked up
my Dad will string me up?

Yeah... It's OK, I think.

Let's give it a go.

Oh, please, no...

Yeah! Brilliant! And again! Again!

I love a bit of Bedingfield!

Ignore him, Anwar.

He's just jealous
of our burning love.

There's something about your eyes.

Yeah,
the right one's always been lazy.

No, I mean they're lovely.

I thought that the moment I met you.

Surprising, really, given that
they were burning a hole in my bra.

Sorry... I didn't mean to... Sorry.

I don't mind. You can look.

You can do more than look
if you want.

Oh. Right.

Um... Are you...?

Yes, I am.

OK...

I'm not really after, you know...

Thanks.

Um... actually,
I'm in a weird place and, um...

Well, I've got to, er...
I was just playing with you.

Everyone loves my tits.

I was just having a laugh.

Yeah, whatever.
Seemed like he fancied me.

Or he would with a little push.

Sid's not like most guys.

Yeah, I know, that's why I've...

Maybe he doesn't like you.

Oh, not possible.

He was telling me about his dad.

He's so cute.

His dad is dead.

He's probably a bit vulnerable,
you know. I know. Shit!

He says that you're the only one
that knows how to talk to him.

He said that? Because you've
known each other forever.

And sometimes he thinks that
he knows you better than you do.

And that's when I decided
to show him my tits.

I'm a bitch.

Go on. You can probably catch him.

Even I can tell he needs a hug,
and I'm the insensitive cow.

OK.

Thanks.

You're not a bitch. Are you?

Just pretending.

Sid!

Chelle.

I'm so lonely.

I know.

I know.

Oh, Christ.

Happy Birthday, Chelle.

Can we go home now, Sid?

Yes, Chelle. Let's go home.

Yeah, cheers. Bye.

Dunno what I'm supposed to say.

You just...

I suppose we didn't...

I dunno.

Pretend like we didn't...

Um... Help me out here, Chelle.

Ask me inside, Sid.

What?

Wasn't that the best night ever?

I'm not drawing on a wealth
of experience here, Chelle.

You made me come, Sid.
Nobody's ever done that before.

Nah! Let's go inside.

Happy birthday.

Thanks.

We have to ring Tony.

We have to tell him.
Yeah, but not now, yeah?

We can wait a couple of hours maybe?

I can't believe this.

Go up.

- I'm back, Mum.
- OK, Sid!

I'm going to bed.

- With Michelle!
- Right-o.

- To sleep with her.
- Yep.

Again!

I want you to do it again,
just like you did. Come on.

Hello, Sid.

Hello, Michelle.

Are you saying I'm being expelled?

I prefer the term "no longer
permanently affiliated".

That's right.

For the first time in my life it
felt like someone gave a shit!

Have you ever been in love?

So this place is great for doing LSD.
Hello.

I fucked up big time.