Six Feet Under (2001–2005): Season 1, Episode 8 - Crossroads - full transcript

ORIGINAL AIR DATE ON HBO : July 22, 2001

Six Feet Under
Season1. Episode08. Crossroads

I am such a fucking idiot.

I should have dumped him years ago.

Oh, yeah!

I feel 20 pounds lighter.

More like 180 pounds.

What do you think he's doing tonight?

Oh, he's fucking his old grad student, thinking he's king of the world.

God, I wish I knew who invented Viagra...

so I could shoot him.



I'll drink to that.

Shit, I got it on my shirt!

Hold this. I've got an idea.

Driver!

Hey, Driver!

Take us to Miagi's ' ok

cause I feel like dancing!

Look what I found!

Promise me, no dancing on the tables tonight.

You just open this.

I'm king of the world!

"CHLOE ANNE BRYANT YORKINDECEMBER 7, 1959-APRIL 5, 2001"

This is how you study for the funeral director's license?

Now, you must really like wearing a suit.



There's always a chance we'll get a walk-in.

There's always a chance we might get abducted by aliens.

What's the longest we've ever gone without a body?

I remember Dad saying something like
9 days during the '84 Olympics.

"The Drought of '84."

You remember how Dad used to do Walter Brennan?

"Come on, Lil' Luke, let's stitch this dead guy up,

'cause Maw's made a mess of catfish,
and I'm powerful hungry!"

OK, well, thank you for making me feel like an idiot.

No, you just

knew a whole side of Dad I never did.

9 days, huh?

This might beat that.

When a family places money in
a funeral trust for a pre-need,

how much money can the funeral home use for purposes until the family requires your services?

50%.

25%.

Zero.

None.

I knew that.

Hello?

Hey, it's me.

Well, it's about time!

I've only been calling you for 6 days straight.

Yeah, I've been incredibly busy.

Lots of new clients.

Sorry.

How's Billy?

Uh-better.

It only happens once a year,

you know.

Twice at the most.

So when can I see you?

I don't know-

Tuesday?

Well, is he staying with you?

Yeah, just for a few more days.

Listen, I've gotta go.

I'll call you, OK?

I promise.

You think we're weird being undertakers' kids?

Just be thankful our parents weren't shrinks.

How many days does a family have to cancel a contract for services?

I'm so sick of this bizarre behavior that I'm supposed to figure out,
and then she seems pissed off when I can't.

It?s fuckin' neurotic.

Would you concentrate on this, please?

I need you to get your license so you can start handling your share of things.

How many-

3 days.

It's not exactly the LA Bar, David.

Come on, make me earn it.

When a funeral home advertises their services, which 2 specific pieces of information are legally required on all advertisements?

I'd start with some heavy-duty armature material and Plaster of Paris,

mastic compound for her face, tissue builder and wax for her features.

I'd finish her off with a good sealer.

She'll leak like a garden hose.

A little airbrushing and a high quality foundation, and she's good to go.

How much time would you need?

At least a day to do it right.

The Fishers can spare you for a full day?

I'm not auditioning for you.

This is a one-time freelance job,

and I use my own materials.

Kroehner's tecturizers-they blow.

How much?

1500.

OK.

For someone with your talent, that's a bargain.

Stop blowing smoke up my ass.

I'm not quitting the Fishers.

Mr. F. put me through school.

Have her done by 5...

and she'd better look flawless.

Don't think about how steep it is.

We've got 8 more miles.

Carlos Castenada wrote, "A warrior takes his lot, whatever it may be,

and accepts it in ultimate humbleness. "

Well, yeah,

Carlos Castenada can blow me.

Tell me about it.

Where's the whole spiritual transcendence part from the brochure?

This is like fuckin' boot camp.

Have I-Have

I, uh, thanked you for getting me high this morning?

Like 12 times.

Just making sure.

Claire,

Topher,

you're straggling!

You know the rules.

The group stays together.

Period.

Yavo, mein commandant!

I've got a new way to make money.

We rent out the slumber room for meetings-

12-step groups, that sort of thing.

Are you insane?

Drunks and drug addicts inside our home?

The insurance issues alone-

Well, then, how about senior dance lessons?

Twice a week at 50 bucks a pop, that's 5200 a year.

That's 6 months property tax.

What if we've got a viewing?

They'll work around our schedule.

David, these old people have nothing else to do.

They dance for twice a week, have fun.

Who do you think gets a call when they drop?

That's actually not a bad idea.

Well, good, because they're coming here at 2, so

no more comments about me not pulling my weight for a while, OK?

Is this a new company policy?

Casual Fridays?

Nice of you to drop by.

It's almost noon.

And I stayed till after 9 last night restocking and sterilizing.

You mean you didn't check?

Look, if it's alright with you guys, I need the day off.

Vanessa's got an ultrasound.

She just had one last week.

Well, they want to do another one.

I think I should be there with her, don't you?

Well, of course.

You could have just called.

I left my jacket in the prep room.

It has my wallet, my insurance card, all that stuff.

Thanks, guys.

Great! Once again I'm the asshole, and you're the cool guy.

Well, you can tell him tomorrow that he's cleaning out the body fridge.

I want it scrubbed and hosed and disinfected.

You tell him.

It's Fisher & Sons.

Sometimes you have to be the bad cop.

But you're so good at it.

Hey, Rico!

Nate,

Please don't do that!

I've got a lot on my mind, with the ultrasound and all.

David wants you to clean out-

The body fridge.

I know.

I know your brother's got a bug up his ass about cleanliness.

I know.

When we used to play G.I.

Joes, he always used to want to give his a shower.

Yeah, well.

Running late.

Where's your jacket?

Oh, shit!

I must have left it at home.

Oh.

Told you, man.

I've got a lot on my mind from the ultrasound.

See ya.

Now begins the vision quest part of our journey.

Oh, great, now we get to starve and sweat ourselves into a hallucinogenic state of ecstasy.

It's gonna get harder and harder for the next couple of days.

Now, you all know how tough physically.

Now the mental challenges begin. OK?

Starting now,

you guys lead.

I just follow.

So,

I hope, for my sake,

you've all perfected your map and compass skills.

Parker.

Oh, God, not Parker!

Which way do we go?

Uh-

That way.

What are you waiting for?

You lead.

Fuckin' girl scout!

Good call, Parker!

So who do you think plays Parker in the movie of her life?

Sandy Bullock or Julia Roberts?

Oh, please, she'd never rate that high.

She'd get one of those Buffy or Dawson's Creek chicks, tops!

What is that?

This?

Inkali.

It's like dumpling with spicy meat inside.

I cannot believe you never hear of Inkali!

You know,

you need to go out from the house more.

I get out.

I took a very enjoyable trip to San Bernadino just a few weeks ago.

You should come to my neighborhood.

All Russian.

You would love it.

People will passion, full of life.

Not like your family.

What do you mean?

Russians speak from here

from the heart,

with their souls,

not like Fisher, like from here like a little mouse goes

Not like that.

If it's so wonderful in Russia, you should take the first flight back.

In Russia,

I was engineer!

Knock knock.

Hiram!

I tried my hand at Jamaican Jerk Chicken, turned out good.

Thought you might like some for lunch.

That's so thoughtful.

Thank you.

Hiram, this is my boss, Nikolai.

Hi.

She has a lunch.

Here, try some.

Please.

You burned it!

Nikolai!

Ruth is busy.

I'm on my lunch break.

Lunch is over!

Now we work!

Sorry I got you in trouble with your boss.

Don't you worry. I can handle him.

Everybody ready?

And round and left.

Right.

Left.

Good!

Good,

swing your partners!

And promenade home!

Very good!

Hey, Vanessa.

Is Rico there?

No. Should I page him?

No,

no, it's nothing important.

I just wanted to run something by him.

OK.

Hey, did you have your ultrasound already?

Yeah.

Last week.

You're not having one today?

Oh, yeah,

yeah, but not till this afternoon.

Huh.

I'm sorry, Nate, but the UPS guy's at the door.

I gotta go, and I'll tell Rico you called, OK?

Shit!

Hey,

don't say that, papito, that's a grown-up word.

OK, very good!

Very good, ladies and gentlemen.

Now, if I could just have your attention, please, for just one second.

I want to teach you a new figure for the repertoire.

You're gonna love it,

your friends are gonna be very impressed,

I promise.

It's called the Hungarian Swing, and I need a volunteer,

so if I could just borrow you for one second.

I promise, it won't hurt a bit.

It goes like this.

You're gonna stand right hip to right hip,

your other hand is gonna go up on your partner's waist,

and your left hand is gonna go up over the head.

Now, you're gonna swing

one and a half times,

she will turn

one and a half times

into the promenade position.

That wasn't so bad, was it?

Let's do it again, with the music. OK?

Uh, not so fast.

OK, ladies and gentlemen,

with the music.

Here we go,

OK,

and 1-

2-

3-

4.

Kiss him!

Interesting technique.

Where'd you train?

Cypress College.

Interned at Fisher & Sons.

Oh, so, you're the guy from Fisher & Sons!

You got out of there just in time.

Kroehner's gonna bury him.

I don't think so.

Somebody burned down the funeral home

Kroehner was building across the street.

Somebody?

You ever heard of Jewish lightning?

Oh, sorry. Did I offend you?

I'm Jewish.

I can say that.

Kroehner burned down their own building for the insurance money?

Trust me, it's not over.

It's like Matt Gilardi's personal vendetta.

Fisher's history.

Take care now.

Get home safe.

Aren't they a trip?

I love 'em.

Old people still know how to boogie.

Yeah.

More than me.

Oh, I can change that.

I'm Kurt, by the way.

How'd it go?

Uh, terrific.

Uh, great.

So I guess you'll be coming back?

I hope so.

This really was a great idea, Nate.

So it seems, Dave.

So-

Dave-

you free tomorrow night?

Yes.

We're in the middle of a dry spell.

He's got nothing but time.

How's 8?

8 for dinner?

Is OK.

Great!

I'll pick you up.

See you tomorrow.

You just pimped me out to that kid.

That kid wants to jump your bones.

Oh, come on, David.

I watch "Will and Grace. "

I've got gay-dar.

OK, don't say

"gay-dar. "

Sure wish we could light up that joint.

Yeah,

Dennis is watching us like a hawk

now that we have officially established ourselves as the anti-social losers.

Uh, we'll just sneak off after we set up camp,

while the rest of the bush group groom each other for lice.

Hi, Claire.

Hi.

Whoa, whoa.

You two are friends?

We go to the same school.

We're not exactly friends.

We're not exactly enemies, either.

we have classes together.

One.

Shouldn't you be leading us?

Now the guy with braces is doing it.

You know, everyone gets a turn.

Yeah, I thought we were gonna do some daredevil shit.

I mean, we're just following a fuckin' map.

This is fucking adolescent.

You guys have some pot?

Maybe.

Beautiful.

Absolutely beautiful.

What'd you use for the cheek bones?

Elmer's glue, dental floss, and modeling clay.

Should have had your work videotaped.

These lesser lites could learn from you.

I have a lot to learn myself.

Any interest in consulting?

My plate is full.

How about something more permanent?

What's gonna happen to Fisher & Sons?

What do you care?

Is your name Fisher?

Within 8 months, I can offer you your own home.

There's a position opening up in San Diego early next year.

I'll think about it.

Sure.

Take some time.

Talk it over with your wife.

Oh, and, by the way,

this offer lasts 48 hours.

Brenda?

Bren?

Hello?

Billy?

Fuck!

Crikey!

Who the fuck are you?!?

Name's Connor.

Connor Thompson.

You gotta be Nate.

Brenda's given me the John Dory on you.

Never told me you were this territorial, though.

What's with the broken glass?

One too many largies last night.

Do you mind putting something on?

You, don't worry.

Don't fancy blokes.

Nice pants there.

Is Brenda here?

Doesn't look like it.

Well, do you know where she is?

No.

I'm not ruining her, if that's what you think.

No, she made it quite clear that wasn't an option.

Her heart's got your name on it now.

No, that would be her ass.

You're thinkin' I'm pretty sass, arencha?

Hey?

Any of you guys seen Topher?

Bet you can't wait to get back to Stepford.

Take it you two have met.

These took forever to dry.

Hey, you.

So apparently you were mad at me because I went to the desert without you.

No.

Well, what's with Crocodile Dundee then?

Why the fuck are you doing his laundry?

Oh, dear.

This is really unattractive behavior, Nate.

Huh.

Sorry.

I guess I'm just a little weirded out that I keep running into naked guys in your house.

They're still warm.

Thanks, Lollies!

Connor is a very old friend from a totally previous life.

He hasn't been in LA for 10 years.

Don't freak!

I am not freaking.

ust exactly where does Nature Boy sleep?

Why didn't you tell me about him?

Because I knew that you would react like this.

I am touched that you're jealous.

Now, get over it,

because you have no reason to be.

I promise.

If I was fucking him, I'd tell you.

Oh, Jesus, that's comforting!

Thank you!

Come to dinner tomorrow night.

Connor's cooking some Australian thing.

Billy's coming over.

Oh, Billy's coming over!

Well, I thought he was staying with you.

you've been fucking lying to me!

I have spent the last 6 days worried sick about you,

and you've been fuckin' partying your ass off!

OK.

I fucked up.

OK?

I've been under a little pressure, you know, with my brother having a nervous breakdown and everything.

I was

just trying to simplify things.

Don't blow this out of proportion, please, Nate.

OK.

What time tomorrow night?

Topher?

Fucking asshole!

Oh, Jesus!

Oh, fuck!

Shit! I'm sorry.

Fuck me!

Aw, shit!

Look, look,

she tells anybody, no one will believe her.

Everyone thinks she's like crazy

The sexual habits of the Koala are quite mysterious

because of the complicated reproductive systems...

The male Koala's penis is forked like a snake's tongue...

The female has two vaginas.

Whatchu watching?

Very funny.

What's up?

Well, just thought you should know,

I called Vanessa, and there was no ultrasound today.

And I also think Rico took a couple of bottles of stuff from the prep room.

Shit.

Fucking Kroehner.

Alright, I'll call around, see what I can find out.

Why didn't you tell me about this earlier?

I was going to, but I got distracted by you and the square dance guy.

Look, it's not like Rico has an exclusive contract with us or anything.

So he's moonlighting.

Moonlighting is when you take a job when your first job is over.

When he takes a job for Gilardi while he's still on the clock with us, that's treason.

Stop being such a drama queen.

Stop acting like your honorary mayor of West Hollywood all of a sudden.

He lied to our faces.

Yeah, he did.

Hey, Claire.

Hey, look, I'm sorry about last night.

I thought you and Topher-

It's OK.

But, whatever, it's none of my business.

No, it's OK.

I just-I don't know-
I hope you won't just write me off now.

I mean, maybe it'll even like break the ice.

Yeah.

I just kinda, you know, think you're funny
and cool and, well, sometimes,

I feel boring and lame around you, and I think it's 'cause,
I don't know, I kind of wanna be your friend.

Why?

Why not?

OK, this is totally weird.

How's Vanessa?

She's great. Yeah.

The baby's as strong as a bouncer.

How's Chloe Yorkin?

Some of your more ardent fans in prep room around LA
are calling this one your Sistine Chapel.

Look, I told Gilardi it was a 1 time thing.

I mean, come on, guys,
you gotta-you gotta understand.

It wasn't for the money.

I mean, her head was like a-

like a watermelon somebody hit with a sledgehammer.

I mean, a case like that doesn't come along every day.

What did he offer you to leave?

What are you offering me to stay?

What?

You guys thought I would stay out of loyalty?

Unlike you two,

I have a wife and kids to think about.

What do you want?

I want to be a partner.

That would require a significant financial investment on your part.

That's what partners are.

Rico, let Dave and me talk.

Don't do anything until we have a chance to counter, OK?

OK.

Maybe we can work out some sort of profit-sharing plan.

He's finally figured out he's worth more than we can pay him.

We're fucked.

OK,

today we're gonna climb about 3000 feet
to a shelter close to the summit.

Now, we have to move fast.

When it gets dark, it gets cold.

Why did you sleep with him?

I don't know.

Just to see if I could.

So who hasn't been leader yet?

Claire.

What?

Which way do we go?

I don't know.

I really don't care.

Somebody else pick.

Come on, Claire.
Don't you wanna consult your map and compass?

No, I think I lost my compass anyway.

Well, borrow one from someone else.

Look, just pick someone else, OK?

Please.

OK.

That way.

I think we should go that way.

It's obviously the path.

OK, maybe someone else would like to-

Hey, Claire paid her 1200 bucks, too.

Doesn't she get a turn?

Don't pull me into your shit, OK?

OK, look, alright.

Let's all take out our maps and compasses.

It's Claire's turn, Dennis.

I think we should follow Claire,
and she said we should go this way.

OK,

this way it is.

Thanks a lot.

What?

Now this trip is finally starting to be fun.

I prefer busy to quiet.

Some peoples,

they like nothing to do.

Me, drives me crazy,

and, besides,

no customer,

no money.

When I'm walking by this restaurant every day while I'm going home,

this Ethiopian restaurant,

no customer,

every night, night after night, no customer!

How they can make a living, I don't know.

I don't understand this...

I boring you?

Heavens no.

Good.

Watch you don't cut your finger.

Did you really put a foot in Gabe Dimas' locker?

Yeah.

Oh my God, that is like the greatest thing ever.

Anyone ever deserved it-

Did you have sex with him?

Oh, yeah.

Did you suck his toes?

Yup.

I'm gonna have to ask the two of you to turn around.

What?

I'll accompany you both back to the last camp.

A jeep will meet you there, take you back to base parking.

You're kicking us out?

You can't do that!

Yes we can.

It's on the contract that you and your adult guardian signed.

What?

Anyone who witnesses a group leader having sex
with a student can be thrown out?

I doubt it.

You purposely lead us off the predetermined course,
endangering everyone's safety,

and I'd be willing to bet that there's drugs in your pack.

You can't go through my stuff.

You need a search warrant!

OK?

Now, look, we can do this the easy way or
we can get the cops involved.

What do you want?

You are such a total loser.

This is not a game, you little bitch.

You are fucking with people's lives here.

Some of those people are completely innocent bystanders!

Hello!

David Fisher.

Is this the adult guardian of Claire Fisher?

Uh-yes,

that is correct.

I'm with Sierra Crossroads.

Your daughter was discovered with marijuana.

She's leaving the expedition.

Transportation's on its way to take her back to her car.

She should be back in LA by midnight tonight
instead of Sunday, as planned.

Any questions?

Uh-no,
thank you for calling.

Your dad sounds like a real tight-ass.

Castenada, huh?

You still read that?

Look, don't even.

All need for us to interact has been removed.

Listen, how well do you know Parker?

Hardly at all.

'Cause I'd really hate it if she's one of those people who would,

you know, create a huge stink and ruin my life
just for the entertainment value of it.

Sorry.
I don't really know her.

God,
I hate pissing outdoors!

Parker, don't light that.

So who's in charge while you're here babysitting us?

Topher.

What?
He hates this whole Sierra Crossroads bullshit.

What, are you kidding?

He's been doing it since he's 14 years old.

You're so full of shit.

It's one of the things that helped him get accepted to Stanford.

Topher is going to Stanford?

Pre-law.

This whole experience just gets more and more irritating.

Here's your ride.

10 minutes.

Damn, she looks good.

You took Polaroids, right?

Polaroids?

I borrowed Jacob's digital camera.

You blended the filler material just perfect!

Honey,

she really is your Sistine Chapel!

You think?

Baby, you know.

Too bad you gotta bury her.

Yeah.

She looks beautiful, doesn't she?

Never better.

You should've seen her yesterday.

You're gonna take the offer.

I haven't decided yet.

No,
I said, you're gonna take the offer.

Where would I be without the Fishers?

In a house.

Not some lousy apartment.
They treat you like a migrant worker.

They'll never make me a partner.

Not ever.

1500 a restoration.

Tuition at SC's highway robbery, so
calling helps pay for books and beer

It's either that or become a beeper boy.

I'm not quite ready to go there.

So
what's with the International Male shirt?

This?

Oh,
I borrowed it from my sister.

It looks good.

I bet it looks even better off.

So you were talking about square dance calling?

Yeah,
it's my grandparents' group.

They practically raised me after my parents kicked me out.

Kicked you out?

When they found out about you-

When my father walked in on me and my
high school boyfriend fucking on the desk in his study.

It was awful.

My mother had a complete breakdown.

My parents eventually split.

It was a total movie for Lifetime.

What about you?
What did your parents do?

When I came out?

Uh,
my dad was OK with it.

My mom's still a little uncomfortable.

It still baffles me that anyone even gives a shit,
you know?

Here you go.
For you. Enjoy.

You have a boyfriend?

Uh-
no.

Why not?

I'm not sure.

You ever have one?

Yeah. You?

Yeah. Several.

You've got the longest eyelashes I've ever seen.

I've always liked older guys.

I'm "the older guy"?

Guys my age are idiots.

They're fun to fuck, but
it usually ends there.

And I hate the way they treat older men, you know?

"Tired old queen, fossil, troll"?

As if we're not gonna end up there ourselves one day,
if we're lucky.

Uh, I'm getting my Masters in Social
Work with a concentration on Services for Seniors,

so it's a pet peeve of mine.

Are you a top or a bottom?

What?

Oh, I'm versatile.

Bottom.

Good.
Wow.

This'll work out well.

You wanna get out of here?

Yeah.

So the bastard took it!

I lost my investment, my bike, fuckin' everything.

Connor, that always happens to you!

Know,
I guess I can always get back on the old Banana Roll, hey?

You remember, what was that, that thing in Texas?

You lost your bike in Texas?

Oh, not that fuckin one!

Yes, that like '95 one, what was that.

Hey, Nate,

listen.

I'm sorry about last week.

I go off the meds now and then, just to feel alive.

I'm sure you must have thought I was a total psycho.

Crossed my mind.

Well, I'm not.

I don't wanna come between you and my sister.

She's happy with you.

Happier than I've seen her in a long time.

That is so tragic...

So what's your story?

Just another spunk to add to your collection?

So what's left for me to do?

Become an air hostess?

I think you should get a TV show,
where you wrestle things, right,

but not animals... things!

Like what things?

Like... refrigerators... and here's the title of it...

Hey, Connor,

What's Your John Dory?

WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING?

Hey, Nate,

buddy.

Chill.

This car is like total Graceland on wheels.

Total love nest.

Have you ever fucked in here?

Once.

This record exec, a friend of my dad's,

he's got like this total makeout van from the 70?s.

He thinks it's so cool, and it's just not.

How do you think Dennis knew I had pot?

So your dad died, huh?

What was that like?

I don't know.

Doesn't seem real.

I never knew anybody that died.

Well, I grew up in a funeral home,
so I was always around it.

OK, was that completely weird?

Yes.

My dad's a big shot at Disney.

Really?
Why don't you go to a private school?

He divorced my mom a long time ago.

He likes his new family better.

He won't give my mom alimony because
he caught her having sex with like this retarded guy.

Fuck.

I'm kidding.

My mom gets killer alimony.

I just keep getting kicked out of private schools.

I thought you were like this little overachiever,
like little Miss Perfect.

Good.
That's what I want people to think.

When in reality you're like this compulsive liar/danger slut.

I thought you were like this
Goth arty freak girl who was like tragic and suicidal.

Oh my God, that's so not who I am.

Nobody's ever who they seem to be.

Nobody interesting.

I don't get this show.

It's a game show.

I know that.

I just don't understand why people like it.

My friend Amelia says it's her favorite show.

It's a great show.

My son likes "Once Upon A Hamster. "

When I was his age, I was crazy for Mad Magazine,

Ernie Kovacks, the Marx Brothers.

Anybody that took pot shots at sacred cows.

I mean anybody.

Yeah, I loved that stuff.

Irreverence was my drug of choice.

Still is,
I guess.

Night, mate.

I'm really glad you and Lolly's hooked up.

I mean, personally,
I couldn't handle her playing Freud all the fuckin' time.

I mean,
I don't give a fuck why I am the way I am, right?

Well, she is a complicated woman.

No, she's not.

WHEN WAS THAT TAKEN?

Two summers ago.

I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU HADN'T SEEN HIM

IN A DECADE.

No, I said Connor hasn't been to LA in a decade.

ALRIGHT, WHERE DO YOU SLEEP, MATE,
BECAUSE THAT SLEEPING BAG HASN?

T MOVED AN INCH IN DAYS!

They sleep in the same bed, where else?

Don't crack a fit now, mate.

I mean, she's totally wrapped up in you.

OH, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP, COWBOY!

OK.

I didn't tell you, because I knew you would react just like this.

WELL, HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO REACT?

Oh, so I'm supposed to make an old friend
sleep on the floor just to protect your macho pride?

YOU HAVE A SHIATSU MAT!

Come on, man.

Haven't you ever slept with a woman and not had sex with her?

NO!

Outside!

Get some air!

"OH, GO OUTSIDE, GET SOME AIR!"

FUCK YOU!

I'M LEAVING!

HAVE FUN WITH YOUR AUSSIE

FUCK,
MINDFUCKER!

Damn, you are versatile!

So, you think I'm being
a possessive asshole for wanting Brenda for myself?

Well, when you feel connected with someone,
it doesn't mean you're possessive or an asshole.

But until there's a commitment, you have no claim on her.

A woman doesn't have to wait to be chosen anymore.

Now she can do the choosing.

Yeah, but if she waits too long the right guy might just move on.

You're right, dear.

You're so right.

A chartered bus headed for Vegas overturned on the 10 last night!

44 passengers,

most of them dead!

Did you sleep well last night?

Yes, thank you.

Did you sleep at all last night?

How'd the funeral director's test go?

Oh, man, I choked.

Had a cluster fuck.

Language!

You just said "asshole. "

Nate, I need you to pass that test.

Yeah, well, Dave,
I need you to lighten up on me, starting now.

Hey,

first of all,

I just want to thank you guys for everything you've done for me.

But I think it's time for me to move on.

I have to think about my future, my family's future.

You're leaving us?

Oh, dear!

You haven't even given us a chance to counter Kroehner's-

Am I a partner?

You guys didn't even talk about it.

Thank you, Federico.

I'm sorry that we can't offer you more.

You will always have a job waiting for you here.

Kroehner will never appreciate how good you are, Rico.

You'll just be a part of their assembly line.

Hey, we'll see.

A word of advice, guys.

Don't turn your back on Gilardi.

Well, so much for loyalty.

Nate, he's given us five years.

He doesn't owe us anything.

Nobody does.

My only defense is I think I was hallucinating.

That and the thought of you with another man makes me crazy.

Sorry.

I'm just a guy that way.

So, where's Connor?

Oh, God, I threw him out.

There's only so much of him I can take.

So you forgive me?

Sure. Why not?

Good.

Now it's your turn.

You want me to apologize?

Yes...

For trying to use Billy's meltdown
and Connor's visit to push me away.

For being impatient with my very valid emotional response to each one,

and for always asking me to adjust my behavior and feelings
but never be willing to do that yourself.

OK. That's fair.

I apologize.

Part of you wants me to bail.

Yeah.
You're probably right.

Why?

Because I've already gone further than
I have with anybody since-

since a long time ago.

Because every time I've ever believed in a happy ending,
I've gotten severely fucked.

Sorry.

Well, do me a favor.

Promise me from here on out,
I am the only man in your bed and in your life.

i'm serious, Bren.

Promise me.

I promise.

I love you, and I wanna be with you for the long haul,
but there is a limit to the amount of shit I will put up with.

Did you just make me a lifetime commitment,
right before the thinly veiled threat of abandonment?

Well, I don't remember using the word "lifetime. "

Well, I wouldn't hold you to it.

Sorry I'm so

weird about intimacy.

I guess spending your childhood getting picked apart by
behavioral psychologists will do that.

Well, not being able to sleep at night
because your basement's full of dead people takes its toll, too.

Sorry.

It's OK.

Nate Fisher.

Remember that chartered bus that overturned last night?

They were all locals!
We're getting three of them!

The first family will be here in an hour.

I'm on my way.

And try to curb your enthusiasm.

This'll be tough without Rico.

See you later.

Good lord,
what'd they do to you?

Don't ask.

So did Mom freak when you told her I got busted?

I didn't tell her.

OK. Why?

I don't know.
Other stuff came up.

Seemed like a low priority.

Are you going to?

Probably not.

I'm sorry the Crossroads thing didn't work out like you had hoped.

Actually, it was kind of amazing.

I think I really learned something valuable.

Everything I think I know is wrong.

Hey, what happened to that guy, Keith?

It just didn't work out.

That's too bad.

Life goes on.

That it does.

Well, there's work to be done.