Six Feet Under (2001–2005): Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot - full transcript

ORIGINAL AIR DATE ON HBO: 2001-06-03

Six Feet Under
Season 1. Episode 1. Pilot

Sleek, sophisticated, seductive...

The new Millennium Edition Crown Royal Funeral Coach.

Because your loved one deserves
the very best in style and comfort...

I'll be home for Christmas.

You can plan on me.

Nathaniel Fisher. Nathaniel?

It's Ruth.

Did you take your blood pressure medication today? Yes.

Don't lie to me.



I took it. What do you want me to do?
O.D. on it?

Oh, I just realized.
We don't have any of that soy stuff... natraxe,

you know, since you gave up milk.
I don't know what it's called.

Why not just cut some milk with tap water?

I'll never know the difference.

Look, if you don't want to go, I'll go.

It's not as if I don't have enough to do already.

I'm kidding. I'll get some,

but it has to be after I pick up Nate at the airport.
I'm already running late.

Nathaniel, are you smoking? Nope.

Yes, you are.

I heard you.

I'm not. No, I'm not. Look.

Forget you'll give yourself cancer
and die a slow and horrible death.



You should not be stinking up that new hearse.

I told you not to let him take it.

Like I could have stopped him.

He's every bit as proud of that thing
as your fool brother was of

that damn motorcycle he had in high school.

And who still has a pin in his foot?

Nathaniel,

people want things to be nice when there's a funeral.

They don't want their loved ones riding around
in something that smells like an ashtray.

Alright, alright. Look,

I'm quitting right now, I promise.

Okay? I'll see you tonight.

That new hearse was a total waste of money.
There was nothing wrong with the old one.

I think your father is having some sort of midlife crisis.

It would have made so much more sense
to invest in re-paneling for the chapel or

adding coffee bars to the slumber rooms.

Well, I'd much rather he buy himself a fancy
new hearse than leave me for a younger woman,

or a woman my age for that matter,

or, heaven forbid, a man,
like my cousin Hannah's husband did.

God sure has dealt that woman some blows in this life.

Mom,

can I do anything to help?

No, no, honey. I'm fine.

Besides, don't you have a viewing tonight?

You should probably be getting ready.

Right.

So I enjoyed talking to you about that whole shiatsu thing.

I hope that pans out for you.

You should let me work on you sometime.

Well, here's my cell number.
I'll be here until the 29th.

Here ya go.

Huh, my dad is supposed to meet me here.

I could give you a ride.

That's alright. I'm sure he'll be here soon enough.

I wasn't talking about that kind of ride.

You've done a nice job.

She looks so peaceful.

Well, she is at peace now.

If there's any justice in the universe,

she's shoveling shit in hell.

Excuse me.

David Fisher. David...

Claire.

Is Nate there yet? Nope.

I thought he was coming in tonight

so we could do that whole forced Christmas eve family thing.

Well- Because there are some really
excellent parties I could be going to.

Claire,

this is one of the few times a year we're all together.

Alright, alright. Don't get
all Pat Robertson on me. I'll be there.

I just...

I have to drop some stuff off at
a friend's house before I head over. Okay?

Bye.

Fuckin' boy scout.

This is kind of disgusting.

Disgusting good or disgusting bad?

Disgusting very good.

You're so fucking hot.

You're so sweet...

Shut up and fuck me.

Hello?

This is Ruth Fisher.

Yes. I'm his wife.

What is this about?

What?!?

Excuse me.

Mom, what the hell are you...

There's been an accident.

The new hearse is totaled.

Your father is dead.

Your father is dead,
and my pot roast is ruined.

Oh my God.

You carry a lot of tension around in your lower back.

Not as much as twenty minutes ago.

Just so you know,

I never do this.

Oh, yeah.

Me neither.

So are...

you ever gonna tell me your name?

Probably not.

Why not?

Because I'm a realist.

That's my father looking for me.

Hey, Dad.

Oh, Dave.

Hey. Merry Christmas.

Of course I'm OK...

Couldn't be better, in fact...

What?

I'm so sorry, Nate.
I hate to have to be the one to tell you.

This is just speed, right?

Promise me this isn't crack.

Because I gotta spend tonight having Christmas Eve dinner

with my demented family and it's gonna be weird
enough without me being high on crack.

No. It's just crystal meth.

It just makes everything burn a little bit brighter.

And it makes sex like totally primal.

Here.

It's alright.

Oh, well. It's too late now.

It's mine.

Hello?

David, hi.

Hang on a second.

So is Nate there yet?

No, he's still at the airport.

Claire,

I've got bad news.

What?

Um... Yeah, sure.

OK. I'm on my way.

I have to go.

No fuckin' way. Excuse me.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

You're coming back, right?

Uh, I don't think so.

My dad just got hit by a bus,

and it broke his neck, and he's dead.

I gotta go pick up my mom and take her
to the morgue so she can identify his body.

No, I'm not kidding.

This is actually happening.

And now I'm high on crack!

Crystal. Whatever!

So I guess this whole hellish experience

I'm about to go through is just gonna burn
a little brighter now, right?

Great! Thank you! Fuck!

You really didn't have to do this.
I could have just rented a car.

It's OK. You're in no shape to drive, and frankly,

I'm in no hurry to get home to my family's
annual Christmas Eve massacre.

Parents who stayed together for the children,

but really because they got off on tormenting each other so much.

Manic depressive brother

who always chooses
the holidays to go off his medication.

Oh, and an ancient Springer Spaniel who's completely blind,

deaf, and incontinent.

What about you?

Uh, actually, we're pretty normal.

My mom's a control freak.

My brother, well, he's a control freak, too.

And my sister,

well, I left home right before she was born,

so I never really knew her that well,
but she's kind of wild like I was.

Was?

My dad really rode my ass when I was a kid.

He'd just buried this girl who drowned,

and buried this dipshit loser who O.D.ed
at a Flock of Seagulls concert,

and suddenly I'm not allowed to go to concerts for a year.

- Your dad worked in a cemetery?
- How could a man who's so fucking scared

of everything, who never had an accident,
or even a speeding ticket in his entire fucking life...

how could he have a car wreck?

Are you mad at him or the fact that we're all gonna die?

Are you a shrink?

No, God! No! No!

Both my parents are.

So what else do you wanna talk about?

The weather?

Or the fact that we both just fucked a perfect stranger

and that we both lied when we said we never did that?

Wonderful service.

Yes, it was very nice.

Should we...? Yes, dear.

She looked so peaceful.

You're welcome. Wonderful job.

Did you know that before you were born,
funeral homes ran the ambulance business?

No.

Hearses were the only vehicles that could
transport people lying down.

Wow.

Your father used to joke about that.

Just drive him around the block a few more times.

We won?t need to stop at the hospital.

You're kind of freaking me out right now.

Claire,

are you having sex?

What?

Doing drugs?

Why are you asking me this right now?

Your father is dead.

I can't even remember the last time you
and I talked about anything important.

I need to know you're OK.

Yeah.

Believe me, I'm OK,

considering.

Do you work here?

Yes.

I wanted to compliment you on the music.

I've been to three other funerals this year...

cancer, stroke, pediatric leukemia...

and the music is always that same, sad organ music.

It reminds me of those soap operas my mom
used to watch before I started kindergarten.

Oh, God. You're probably too young to remember that.

Anyway, I so prefer this light, classical,

you know, chamber orchestra stuff.

It's so spiritual, but doesn't seem so dated,

- or depressing. I studied musical appreciation..
- You think I'm really boring, don't you?

Well, get used to it! Because now that your father is dead,

you can forget about ever going to law school.

It's just you and dead people and freaks like me
for the rest of your life!

Mom, I'm so sorry.

Who's she?

Brenda Chenowith. Brenda Chenowith.

Oh.

Brenda, this is my mom, Ruth Fisher,

and my sister, Claire.

- Nate, can I talk to you for a second?
- Yeah, yeah, just give me a minute.

Mom you already do the-

I can't. I've seen too many dead people in my life.

They're work. I won't see your father that way.

I need you to do it.

Oh. Nate, I need to talk to you now, please, it's urgent.

So how did you and my son meet?

In cooking class.

I have to tell somebody.

I am tweaking.

Yeah. We're all upset. No, I'm high on crystal.

I smoked some with some friends before David called me.

You did what? Don't worry.

It's the first time, but I think I'm having a meltdown
and I can't tell if it's Dad being dead or the crystal,

but I'm really scared.

You cannot do this to me right now.

Don't be such a narc. We smoked pot at Thanksgiving.

Look, I have to go identify our dead father's body.

I'm sorry you're having a bad drug experience, but deal with it!

Well?

Well, well, the prodigal returns.

This is what you've been running away from your whole life, buddy boy.

Scared the crap out of you when you were growing up, didn't it?

And you thought you'd escape.
Well, guess what?

Nobody escapes!

Well?

Yeah, it's him.

OK, let's get out of here.

How'd he look?

Dead.

Will there need to be a lot of reconstruction?

David's not that skilled at the really hard stuff.

Federico usually does that.

He's quite gifted.

You don't think we'll have to have a closed casket, do you?

I would hate to send that message.

What message? That we're not equipped
to handle a major restoration

or that we're not proud of our work. Mom.

Can we talk about this later?

We should really get Nate home.
He's probably exhausted.

Let's go.

Um.

Thanks for driving me here.

Please. Just avoiding my own hell.

I'm a big coward.

Me, too.

I don't know if I can handle this.

Well, you're about to find out.

I wish you the best, Nate.

Goodbye.

Claire,

you're driving too fast.

This isn't fast. You wanna see fast?

PULL OVER!

Listen, do you do a lot of drugs?

What? No.

And it's none of your business.

Yes, it is my business.

Look, you were driving like a maniac back there.
You could have gotten us all killed.

What the hell is this?

You're not my father!

Look, you split as soon as you could.
You don't even know me,

so don't start thinking
you can tell me what to do, OK?

So, where's Dad?

Downstairs already?

He's still in the morgue.

You didn't bring him back with you?

Oh, dear.

It didn't even cross my mind.

We should have taken the van so we could bring him home.

I'm sorry.

That was very stupid of me.

Nice going, Dave.

Like she doesn't have enough to feel bad about right now.

Things have to be done.

Federico's downstairs ready to start.
Every second that we wait will only make

Dad?s restoration more difficult.

But you wouldn't know about that, would you, bag boy?

Bag boy?

I am assistant manager of organic produce
at the highest buying food co-op in Seattle.

Jesus, pull your dicks out and measure them,
and let?s get this over with!

What were we supposed to do?
Throw Dad in the back of Claire's car?

It is a hearse!

Yeah, hi. It's David Fisher.

Yes. I'll come pick up the body.

I made you some dinner.

I'm so not hungry.

We have to eat, Claire. We didn't die!

Ready? One. Two. Three.

I'm really sorry, man.

Thanks.

For a body that's firm, yet flexible.

For skin that begs to be touched.

For the velvety appearance of actual living tissue,

top morticians rely on Living Splendor Enbalming Fluid.

Living Splendor

Only real life is better?

Hey, buddy boy.

Come on in. It's okay.

Say hello to Mr. Bloomberg.

There isn't anything to be afraid of, Nate.
Mr. Bloomberg is dead.

I'm getting him ready so his family can see him for
the last time and say goodbye to him.

It'll make them feel better.

That's what Daddy does.

Bang!

You got me!

You can touch him, if you wear one of these.

Believe me, he won't mind.

He won't care.

Nate!

What's up?

Hey, Rico. It's good to see you.

Oh, really sorry about your dad, man,

but, you know, when your time is up, it's up, right?

How's he doing?

So far, so good.

I really appreciate you coming in
on Christmas Eve, Federico.

It's the least I can do for Mr. F.
Everything he did for me.

I'd be up all night, anyway,

putting together all this useless
shit Santa Claus is bringing my kid, you know?

We don't use that kind of language in here.
Show some respect.

You need something?

No,

I just, um-

David Fisher.

Hey, listen, I just want to remind you.

Don't eat too much with your family tonight, alright?

Because I am making you something
totally decadent and fatty for dessert.

Hold just a second, please.

Hi,

Keith. I'm sorry. I can't make it.

Why not?

Because my father was just killed in a car accident.

Oh, shit, David, I'm so sorry.

What can I do?

Nothing. Thanks. I have to stay here.

Listen. If you need anything,
don't hesitate to call me.

Sure.

I mean it, David.

You don't have to go through this alone.

I've gotta go.

OK, here it goes.

This is the one I'm most proud of.

The husband, OK, got fired, flipped out,

shot his wife point blank in the head, right?

And then turned it around
and shot himself in the mouth.

Some seriously closed casket shit, right?

Now look at this.

Huh? Hah! Hah!

Like the bride and groom on top of cake!

And then we cremated them.

What a fricking waste.

Actually,

this right here is my best work.

Wait a minute.
This kid was just born like last month.

Be four fucking years old in April.
Can you believe it?

Shit! Oh...

Vanessa's pregnant again!

Hey, you stud!

Hey, it wasn't planned.

But, you know what, neither was this one,

and he's the best thing that ever happened to me.

Keep an eye on those chemicals, Federico.
We don't want him to burn.

Hey.

Where's Mom? She went to bed.

Was she feeling any better?

Yeah, Nate. She was on top of the goddamned world.

Where's David?

He's downstairs working.

On Dad?

Yeah, well, him and Rico.

Said not to wait up for him.
We should just try and get some sleep.

Yeah. As if that were a viable option.

- Do you wanna go to the grocery store?
- Yes. Anything to get out of here.

Hello?

Well, it's about to start raining frogs here.

How are things on your end?

God, I'm glad you called.

Really? Why?

I don't know.

Because you have a calming effect on me.

Uh huh.

Are you familiar with the psychological term, "projection"?

Are you familiar with the psychological term, "blow me"?

Come on.

You're up with all that psychobabble.

Rebelled against it every chance you got, still do,

and that includes having sex
with strangers in closets at airports.

And you think you're not easy to read?

Coasting by on your looks and
charm isn't working like it used to,

but you have no idea what else to do,
because you've never had to learn.

Any woman with half a brain looks
at a guy like you and thinks,

"Good for a hot fuck, but, believe me, that's it. " I...

Nate, can we go home?
I've really got to take a shower.

Oh, God, Jesus Christ, am I not allowed
to have even a single moment to myself?

OK.

It's OK.

What can I do?

Nothing. No one can do anything.

You'll have to pay for that canteloupe.

WILL YOU FUCK OFF?!?

She looked her best every day of her life.

Don't let one horribly disfiguring accident change that.

Use new Wound Filler Cosmetic Molding Putty.

Now faster-setting and self-sealing.

To help make masking unsightly wounds a breeze?

Ma, you remember that stuffed dog I used to have

and dragged it around till its ears fells off,
and then you made new ears out of a dishtowel?

I hated that dog after that,

and I threw it up on the roof.

No.

Then I wanted it back,
and I begged Dad to go get it, but he said "No. "

If I'd really wanted it, I never would have
thrown it up there in the first place.

Your father did so many wonderful things for you,
and that's all you can think of right now?

I just remembered. He was a good man!

I'm going running.

Oh, no. You're doing me?

You're the worst one we've got.

Thanks, Dad.

Where's Federico?

It's Christmas morning.
He's with his wife and kid. He'll be in later.

Oh, couldn't this wait?
I don't want you ruining my face.

It's a little late for that. Not funny.

I need to stay busy right now.

So go reorganize some files,
or develop a new bookkeeping system.

That's what you're good at.

You never really had an aptitude for this stuff.

I know.

What did I do with my life?
I went to school to learn exactly how to do this stuff.

Other kids my age were going to frat parties.

I was draining corpses and
refashioning severed ears out of wax.

Thank God I didn't lose an ear.
I can only imagine what you'd do with that.

I did it all for you.

I did it to make you happy, you ungrateful son of a bitch.

Um, Dave,

yeah, I just wanted to let you know I was here.

We'll deal you in next hand.

Well, I'm about to jump out of my skin.

Don't. I'm just barely holding it together.

Are you still high?

I don't know. Am I sweating?

I don't know. I am.

This is too fucking weird.
It's been like three days.

I'm still stuck in Zombie World.

This is all happening to you.

Fuck off.

Sorry, but you're not the only one
who wasn't prepared for this.

I came home expecting to sleep late and
chow down on Mom's cooking for six days,

and now I find myself feeling like...

- I'm not even a part of this family.
- Well, I'd trade places with you in a heartbeat.

- What? At least you got out of here.
- I live in a shitty apartment,

which was supposed to be temporary.

I work at a job, which was also supposed
to be temporary until I figured out

what I really wanted to do with my life,
which apparently is nothing.

I have lots of sex, but I haven't had a relationship
last more than a couple of months.

I don't even have the self-discipline to floss daily.

I've had four root canals.

Four. I am 35. I've had four root canals.

I'm gonna be one of those losers who ends up
on his deathbed, saying "Where'd my life go?"

No, you won't.

You'll be saying,
"Where the hell's the morphine?"

I'm just trying to cheer you up.

I've spent my whole fucking life being cheerful.

I am sorry about your father,

but he's in a much better place now.

You are so right about that.

Who the hell is that?!?

I know, Ruth.

I know everything.

I've known the Fishers for years from church.

Mm hmm.

You know them too?

Yes, yes, I work here. Oh, you work here.

Mm hmm.

What are you doing here?

Just got off duty.
I came to pay my respects to your father.

You never even met my father.

Exactly. And you've met my parents how many times now?

- Christ, we just spent the weekend at their house.
- Don't do this to me, Keith.

This is not your high school reunion.

I'm sorry. This is not the time for you to be political.

You think that's why I'm here? To be political?

Would you keep your voice down? What is this?

We can fuck each other,
but I can't be a shoulder for you to cry on?

I'm not crying. So what am I?

Am I just sex to you? Jesus!

Do we really have to have this conversation now?

Oh, shit! Here comes my mother.

I'm so tired.

I know, Mom. It's exhausting.

Is something wrong?

No, nothing's wrong. This is Keith Charles.

He's a friend of mine. He came to pay his respects to Dad.

It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Fisher.

I'm really sorry about your husband.

You're friends with a cop?

We play racquetball together.

Oh.

Nice to meet you.

I'd like to see your father now.

Who's that cop?

My aunt Shirley was laid out here.

Aunt Shirley, huh? Mm hmm.

Shirley Hamilton.

Terrible accident. Lost her ear.

Oh, yeah! Yeah!

I know Shirley! I remember Shirley! Really?!?

Yes, yes. I was the person who
sewed her ear back on.

That was me. Really? That's my work.

What, she's sad, so he has to get her out of sight?

They always do that the second
someone starts to lose it.

They take them off into that room.

It makes all the other people uncomfortable, I guess.

This is not about the other people.

Volume?

When I went backpacking through
Europe after I quit school,

I went to this island off the coast of Sicily.

This volcanic island.

And on the boat over, there was this pine box.

Somebody from the island who was
being returned to be buried there,

and there were all these old
Sicilians dressed up all in black,

waiting, just lined up on the beach.

And when they got that coffin to the beach,

these old Sicilian women
just went apeshit, screaming,

throwing themselves on it, beating their chests,
tearing at their hair, making animal noises.

It was just so-

so real.

I mean,

I'd been around funerals my entire life,
but I had never seen such-grief.

And at the time, it gave me the creeps, but..

now I think it's probably so much
more healthy than...

this.

That cop is hot.

Oh, David. David.

I know, Mom. It's gonna be OK.

It just takes time.

I've done a terrible, terrible thing.

What?

I've done a terrible thing. What's she doing?

She's fine.

I'm not fine. I'm a whore!

I was unfaithful to your father for years,

and now he knows, he knows!

Uh-

I met a man at church once
when your father didn't come with me.

Mom- And he invited me for coffee.

He said he liked my hair.

He's a hairdresser, a widower.

Well, they divorced before she died, so, technically,

I guess, he's divorced.

- He invited me to accompany him on a hike.
- This is really not the time.

- I didn't even have the right shoes. I wore sandals.
- Maybe she needs to just get this out.

- Well, I don't want to hear it.
- I used to love hiking when I was younger,

and being outdoors.

I always wanted to take you kids camping,

but your father would never leave the business.

Well, I can tell you,

I went camping with this man
from church several times!

Told your father I was visiting my sister,

whom he never thought to call!

Can you even begin to fathom
the impropriety of this?

Your husband is lying in a casket out there.

David, she's grief-stricken, OK?

Fuck propriety! We don't say that word!

Did you know him?

No.

Did you?

He was my father.

You're Claire?

Yeah.

Keith Charles.
I'm a friend of your brother's.

Of Nate's? No, David's.

David's friends with a cop?!?

We play racquetball together.

David plays racquetball?!? Excuse us.

Do you want me to cry on your shoulder? Fine.

My mother just confessed she was having an affair.

Wow. Yeah. With some hairdresser.

Who likes to hike.

Now fucking Nate is in there,
playing Mr. Sensitive with her,

while her dead husband lies in the next room.
It's disgusting.

Hey, breathe. Alright?
You're gonna get through this.

Oh, I know. I'll be the strong one.
The strong one. The dependable one.

Because that's what I do.

Everyone around me will fall apart,
because that's what they do.

Don't you get exhausted being so hard on everyone...

and yourself?

Oh, shut up.

She met him at church.

You met me at church.

Hands.

I didn't even realize how lonely I was,

or how long it had been since
a man touched me like that.

Well, loneliness is a terrible thing.

I'm still a woman, you know.

Yes, I know.

And now your father sees me,

and God sees me.

He knows everything.

I'm so ashamed.

You didn't do it to hurt anybody.

You were lonely.

I'm sure Dad forgives you.

And God doesn't?!?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I'm sure He does, too.

Look, it's OK.

Everybody forgives everybody for everything.

Looking for the olives, honey?
They're right here.

Ashes to ashes and dust to dust is easy as pie

with Franklin's New Leak-Proof Earth Dispenser.

Say goodbye to soiled fingers forever!

Only from Franklin Funeral Supplies.

We put the "fun" back in funeral?

In the midst of life, we are in death.

Of whom may we seek for succor, but of thee, O Lord,

who for our sins are justly displeased?

Thou knowest, Lord, the secrets of our hearts.

Shut not thy merciful ears to our prayer,
but spare us, Lord most holy,

O God most mighty, O Holy and Merciful Savior,

thou most worthy Judge Eternal.

Suffer us not at our last hour through
any pains of death to fall from thee.

To the sure and certain hope of
the resurrection to eternal life,

to Almighty God we commend our brother,

Nathaniel Samuel Fisher,

and we commit his body to the ground.

It's like he's selling popcorn.

Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

The Lord bless him and keep him,

the Lord make his face to shine upon Him
and be gracious unto Him.

The Lord lift up his countenance
upon him and give him peace.

Nate. No!

I refuse to sanitize this anymore.

- This is how it's done.
- Yeah? Well, it's whacked.

What is this stupid saltshaker?

Huh? What is this hermetically sealed box?
This phony Astroturf around the grave?

Jesus, David, it's like surgery.
Clean, antiseptic,

business.

He was our father! Please don't do this.

You can pump him full of chemicals.
You can put makeup on him,

and you can prop him up for
a nap in the slumber room,

but the fact remains, David, that the only father
we're ever going to have is gone.

Forever.

And that sucks,

but it's a goddamned part of life,
and you can't really accept it

without getting your hands dirty.

Well, I do accept it,
and I intend to honor the old bastard

by letting the whole world see just how fucked up
and shitty I feel that he's dead!

God damn it!

Um?

Amen.

Wait.

Let her.

Let us pray.

Our Father who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name-

Amen! Amen!

Amen!

The Lord be with you.

Mom,

Federico is gonna drive you back, OK?

I just need to go over a few details with Nate.
We'll be right behind you.

There, there, Mrs. F.

You have such delicate hands, Federico.

Like a statue

or an illustration in an antique book

or one of those little ceramic hands
they use to display gloves.

You wanna be the Alpha dog, is that it?

You're coasting towards midlife
with nothing to show for it,

and now you wanna come back and
be the rock for this family to lean on?

Fuck you. That is not what I'm-

You want to get your hands dirty?

You sanctimonious prick.

Talk to me when you've had to stuff formaldehyde

soaked cotton up your father's ass so he doesn't leak.

Jesus! Yeah,

well I'm sure you just would have tossed
him out with the garbage.

It may seem weird to you,
but there is a reason

behind everything that we do here.
We provide people with a very important

and sacred service at the darkest time in their lives,

because maybe they don't want to
make a spectacle of themselves.

Because maybe they'd prefer to grieve in private.

Why?

Why does it have to be such a secret?
It's nothing to be ashamed of.

Dave, please. You know nothing!

Nothing!

You had a responsibility towards this family,

and you ran away from it, and you left it all for me.

Whoa. Don't blame me
if you're not living the life you want.

That is nobody's fault but your own.

OK.

Fine. Just do me a favor, OK?

You got out.

Stay out.

Excuse me, excuse me, Mr. Fisher, sir,

if I could just get a moment of your time. What?

I'm from Kroehner Service International.

I need to talk to you about the advantages of joining

- our family of death care facilities.
- I don't believe this.

- Sir, if you could just hear me out-
- We're not selling. Now get the fuck out of here!

We wouldn't change the name of the business,

and, of course, we would retain you as a salaried manager.

Look, I really want to hit somebody right now,

and it might as well be you.

I'll call you,

when you've had some time to recover from your loss.

You're really lucky, you know that?

You kidding? It was over in a second.

I didn't have to be afraid of it.
I didn't even have to think about it.

No more bullshit.

No more responsibility

No more having to care. No more boredom.

No more waiting to die.

Hi.

Well, after four days with my family,
I'm ready for shock therapy.

I'm just waiting to see if my HMO covers it. Aah.

How's it going with you?

Oh,

it's great. Great. You know?
My father's dead, my mom's a whore,

my brother wants to kill me,
and my sister's smoking crack.

Who could win?

Four days ago, I was a relatively happy guy.
Now, it's like I don't even know who that guy was.

I'm a fucking mess,

if you wanna know the truth,

but I think you're already aware of that.

Well, here's my number,

if you ever want to, I don't know,

go out on a real date.

You know, where you buy me dinner before I put out.

Ah hah.

Maybe I'm one of those women that meets a man
who seems emotionally conflicted,

no relationship skills,
and I figure, hey, it's for me.

You know, I don't even live here, right?
I live in Seattle.

See, that just makes you more attractive. Really?

Oh yeah.

Hah.

Well, I also happen to be a serial rapist.

Got ten nurse buried under my house.

Now you're making me wet.

Hey. Whoa. Whoa.

I need...

I need...

Hey.

It's OK. It's OK.

Good morning.

Thank God you're here.

Yeah, well,

of course I'm here.

What do you want for breakfast?

I'm going to go for a run.
I'll eat when I get back.

Nate. Yeap!

you don't have to go back
to Seattle right away, do you?

I guess not.

I could make a few calls.

Thank you.

Yeah, sure.

Just for a few days.

OK.