Sister, Sister (1994–1999): Season 3, Episode 20 - The Candidate - full transcript

Okay, I'm going jogging.

Lisa, I can't find

that blue dress!

Well, tamera,

it's... never mind.

I found it!

Oh, good.

Bye, mom. I love you.

Wait. You forgot your lunch.

- Thanks mom
- -ooh, walkman. Walkman.

Oh... oh... oh...



Oh...

Uh-huh. I knew it.

You talk about exercising

- -but you never do.
- -You... you... you...

♪ Talk about

a two-way twister ♪

♪ shakin' up the family tree

with sibling synchronicity ♪

♪ never knew how

much I missed ya ♪

♪ I ain't ever gonna

let you go! ♪

♪ Never knew

how much I missed ya ♪



♪ I ain't ever gonna

let you go ♪

Excuse you. Out of the way.

Out of the way.

Rhonda's in the house.

Rhonda, Rhonda, Rhonda.

Don't worry, Tia.

You'll beat her.

All right, everyone,

order in the hall.

Let's kick it, gang.

Now, remember to listen

to each candidate

before we make up

our minds, all right people?

Rhonda, are you ready?

Always.

Whoo!

Can we vote now, man?

My fellow students

some of you

may think I'm a snob

but I've always felt

a special connection

with all of you little people.

In the words

of our school's namesake,

Tony Roosevelt...

What?

Teddy Roosevelt...

I say...

Walk softly and carry

a big bunch of goodies.

Here you go.

There you go. Oops.

Thank you very much, Rhonda.

That was delightful.

All right, all you

homeboys and gals.

- It's time
- for our next candidate.

Let's give it up

for Tia Landry.

Go, baby!

Oh, I'm sorry.

Um, my fellow rooseveltians,

I'm Tia Landry.

- There are a lot of critical
- issues facing our school

That need to be discussed

and I think we all know

what they are.

Maybe not.

For an example, our vocabulary

scores are atrocious.

You know, real bad.

So, let's start

- a required program
- over the summer.

I have more

refrigerator magnets

with my picture on them.

Thank you very much, Tia.

That was very dull.

Rhonda, do these t-shirts

come in double-xl?

Mrs. Mitushka likes

to sleep in them.

Boy, Tia

- maybe you should get
- some t-shirts and stuff.

Absolutely not.

- If I can't win
- running on the issues

I won't run at all.

I'm behind you

300 percent, Tia.

- Hey, tamera's
- really popular.

How about her running?

- Good idea.
- I'm behind tamera 300 percent.

- Wait a minute a second ago,
- you were behind me.

That was then. This is now.

You guys are wasting your time.

I don't even think my sister

is really interested in

politics.

Tamera, you want

to run for president?

Sure. Why not?

Tamera, are you sure

you want to run?

That's a lot of hard work.

Hard work?

Are you nuts? Forget it.

Every Thursday you

get sixth period off

for student council meetings.

Sixth period off?

That's chemistry.

Hey, Mr. Mitushka

- I'm throwing my tam
- in the ring.

Go, baby!

- With tamera running, - we
gotta big chance to beat - Rhonda.

Wait, wait,

Tia, aren't you running

for president?

Is this okay with you?

- Yeah. I'll just drop out
- if you guys want me to.

- Look, you guys,
- the important thing

Is to beat Rhonda.

- So, let's start making
- an intelligent plan

- To counteract
- her political strategy.

Yeah. Let's go

make fun of her hair.

Yeah!

Oh, ray

- we got to put bars
- on all our windows.

What's the matter?

- The neighborhood burglar hit
- the walkers' house next door.

Got a snowblower,

electric hedge

clipper and a weed whacker.

- They broke into
- the walkers' house?

That's terrible.

I thought you hated Walker.

I do, but he borrowed

all that stuff from me.

That's it, we're signing up

for that neighborhood

security patrol.

What's it called?

Sir veillance security systems.

- I used to see the little
- signs in everybody's yards

Before they all got stolen.

Just relax.

Hi, mom.

Hi, dad. Hi, Lisa.

- Guess who's running
- for president?

Oh, no, not perot again.

- I'm running
- for junior class president.

You're running against Tia?

- No, I decided to throw my tam
- out of the ring.

- Well, she didn't pull out
- of the race completely.

While I'm getting the stupid

adulation of the people,

the glory and the fame

Tia will be doing

all the important

behind-the-scenes work

that nobody knows about,

you lucky dog, you.

Thanks. I never looked

at it that way.

Well, congratulations, tamera.

Good luck, honey.

- Lisa, I'm going over
- to the Walker's house.

Oh that's nice.

You have to tell them

how bad you feel?

- Not gonna find out if he has -
insurance 'cause I'm going to - Sue him.

- Now ray, be careful what you
- say.

- Now remember last time
- he punched you in the nose.

I am not afraid of him.

Lisa, would you go

with me, please?

Hello, madam president.

- I came up with
- your campaign slogan.

"If you don't want

to see Rhonda again

vote for tamera,

all righty then."

Thanks, Roger.

My slogan is nothing

compared to this.

Well, what's yours?

Nothing. Anybody feel

like going to the mall?

- Hey, smart move
- to campaign there, tamera.

The mallrats are your people.

- Well, actually, I just
- wanted to go shopping.

Oh come on tamera! It makes

sense to go out and press the

flesh.

- Yeah, good idea...
- Press the flesh.

Me first.

Shut up, Roger.

Hey, I'm starting

to like politics.

I swayed 15 new voters

- and bought six
- great new outfits.

- Hey, I needed
- something presidential.

Tamera, we're here to campaign.

- Now, come on! There are kids in -
the arcade downstairs we should - Talk to.

- Great idea.
- And it's right next door

To that new Armenian

shoe store.

Oh, hi, Dave.

So, how's it going

down these mean corridors?

Not funny, Lisa.

Muzak, gaudy displays,

bustling customers...

It's a deadly mixture.

Gee and all this time you

made it look so boring.

Thank you.

- It's all part of the mystique
- of the mall cop.

Well, I'm going

to mosey on over

to hickory farms.

Oh, Dave! Dave!

- Don't worry. - I'll bring you back
- A cheese log.

No, somebody lifted

my Ethiopian wool,

sunburst orange

- double-weave,
- embroidered caftan.

- Really? Could you
- describe it, please?

It'll be the caftan

wrapped around your neck

unless you find it.

Ten-four.

- I think it was
- that lady in red!

Leave it to me.

Excuse me, ma'am. Ma'am?

How dare you!

Okay, either

cough up the caftan

or prepare for a frisking.

There is no third way.

Barnes!

Yes, Mr. Eichelberger, sir?

What are you doing to my wife?

It's not what it

looks like, sir.

It is nothing romantic.

I hate to say this, but

she's lifted some shop.

Oh, Dave, my bad. Oh no.

It wasn't stolen.

It was under my lunch.

Okay, in that case,

you are free to go, ma'am.

And so are you.

No, don't fire him.

It's all my fault.

- Miss Landry, how would
- you like your cart

- Relocated to the north
- end of the mall?

Later, Dave.

- Now, turn in your badge
- to the costume shop.

Come on, honey.

Oh, Dave, I am so sorry.

I just feel terrible

about this.

Don't worry, Lisa.

I'll get you that

cheese log tomorrow.

Hey, ray.

Lisa, this sir

veillance security

system is great.

They got 24-hour patrol,

armed security guards

and they give you a free

cute little sticker

to put on your window.

Yeah, I'm excited.

Oh don't tell me

- you're still upset about
- that Dave guy down at the mall?

I still feel guilty

about getting him fired.

- That's why I recommended him
- for a new job.

That's really nice of you Lisa.

Where are you

going to find a job

for a clown like that?

He's such a screw-up.

Where is he going to work?

Good morning.

Dave Barnes,

sir veillance patrol

at your service.

Hi, Dave.

Might I use the phone

to call the police?

Someone has stolen

my patrol car.

Refunds... refunds...

Okay, it took me 15 drafts but

I finally got the perfect

opening speech

for your debate with Rhonda.

Tia, we've been

campaigning for a week.

Relax.

Relax? We want to beat

Rhonda, don't we?

Okay. Now, for the debate

I put all the key points

on these 3 x 5 cards.

Yeah, yeah. 3 x 5.

- "As a candidate
- for junior class president

- "I am concerned about
- the many important issues

"facing our school today.

For example..."

- Just a little security check.
- Please, don't mind me.

Go on about your business.

"Fellow rooseveltians..."

I remember school elections.

- I was voted bike rack monitor
- three years in a row.

- Great, Dave,
- but this is different.

- I'm running
- for junior class president.

- Don't put yourself down.
- That's pretty important too.

- Tell me, have you thought of -
you planting anything - Incriminating

In your opponent's locker?

Do you mind?

No, not at all.

You see, it could be

say that the teacher's answer

book or a pack of lucky's.

- I don't think that's
- a good idea, Dave.

- Wait a minute. Let's hear what
- the man has to say.

Pack of lucky's.

Dave, don't you have

other homes to patrol?

Yeah, but, uh,

they won't let me in.

Okay, Dave,

I made you some coffee.

- -Thank you Lisa.
- -To go.

I know you'll do great

at your new job.

My shrewd observational skills

- are finally being put
- to good use.

I hope the twins

made you feel at home.

Twins? What twins?

Oh, yeah, of course.

Now I see it.

- They do kind of look alike.
- Don't they?

And another thing...

I have made a complete

disclosure of my grade records.

Why hasn't my opponent?

What are you hiding, tamera?

Yeah, let's see

your grades, tamera.

Uh, well...

The question is...

What is Rhonda hiding

if not the true issues

of this campaign?

- She talks
- about the little people

And Rhonda knows them well.

Not.

I've actually visited

the auto shop

- and the girls' rest room
- on the third floor

- Better known as the smoke
- house.

Rhonda coley, too,

has done these things.

Not.

I've done a whole new revision

of our school activities

budget.

It can be balanced

in three semesters.

Rhonda coley, too, has a plan.

Not!

Go tamera!

And so, my fellow rough riders

- there's just one thing you
- have to say to yourself

- As you walk into
- that sacred temple

Known as the voting booth...

I'm going to vote

for Rhonda coley!

Not!

All right, all right.

That's it. Time's up.

Well, I think this debate

was all that and a bag of

chips.

Very nice job.

You were wonderful.

Hey, nice going, tamera.

- Did you like the way
- I took the offensive

With that "not" speech?

Actually, I wrote it that way.

Yeah, whatever.

Young lady

I thought your speech

was funky fresh.

And, Tia...

Yes, Mr. Mitushka?

- You have to take lessons
- from this sister of yours.

She is going places.

Thank you, Mr. Mitushka.

I was simply speaking

from the heart.

When you're

a natural born leader

it just comes out.

Ray, don't turn on

the light so fast.

You can scare a guy.

Dave, how did you get in here?

The back door.

Ray, you really ought

to lock and bolt your

door at all times.

- Well, I guess
- it's too late now.

That's right...

So, uh, ray, I memorized

- all the telephone area codes
- in the entire country.

I don't care, Dave.

- You will when you can't find
- your phone book

And I'm the only guy around.

Savannah, Georgia... 9-1-2!

Dave, it's late.

Well, it's even later

in New York... 2-1-2!

Out, Dave!

Try New Jersey... 6-0-9!

Out! Out!

Ray, what's all that noise?

- You're going to wake up
- everybody in Detroit.

Detroit... 3-1-3!

Get out, Dave!

- Don't talk to that
- poor boy that way.

Lisa, I know you feel

responsible

for getting him fired

but that man has got to go!

Well, the way you yelled at him

- I wouldn't be surprised
- if he just quit his job.

- Don't worry, ray. You won't
- see him anymore.

- Attention,
- students, a few announcements.

Official election

results are in

and the new

junior class president is...

Tamera Campbell.

- See you at the installation
- of officers tomorrow.

P.s... go, baby.

Well, tamera

you won the election,

and I just wanted to say

no hard feelings.

You have my full support...

Not!

Hey, congratulations,

tamera! We did it!

Now it's time to get to work

- implementing those
- programs we ran on.

- Uh, Tia, can I
- see you for a sec?

Yeah. Sure.

You know

now that the election's over

maybe we should distance

ourselves from each other.

But I wrote your speeches

- -and those 3 x 5 cards...
- -Tia, Tia, Tia.

You can still do all the work

- but I think
- I better stand alone

And show the people

I'm the one in charge.

Well, I'm not sure

I like that very much.

Tia, don't be a grouch.

You can still be first twin.

Look, come on.

Let's just enjoy the moment.

I'm head of a political party

or should I say...

Par-tay!

So, you expect me

to do all the work

while you just have fun?

- Well, you can write
- your own acceptance speech.

Find yourself another lackey.

Well, fine! I don't need you!

There's plenty of lackeys.

I'll be your lackey.

See?

- "Hi, everybody. It's sure cool
- to be president."

Oh, man!

Lincoln never had

to write his own speeches.

Okay, maybe he did,

but he was a special case.

- He got lucky
- with that fourscore deal.

Hey, that was good.

Maybe I should rip that off.

Okay, that wouldn't be honest.

Look, I know what you're

that I didn't write my own

speeches, and I'm a fraud

right?

- Maybe Tia did
- help me out a little.

Okay, a lot.

- But, look, i'm
- the people's choice

- And she's just going
- to have to deal with that

- And I know what
- you're going to say:

That I should swallow my pride

- go up there and ask her
- to help me.

Oh, man!

Life is nothing but catches.

- Okay, I'm going
- to go up there and ask her

But she's not going to do it.

She's just jealous

of my charisma.

- I'm glad we had
- this little talk.

My fellow classmates

it is truly a privilege

and an honor to be serving you.

- Thank you for electing me,
- Tia Landry

Your class president.

Together

we are going to replace

despair with hope

inaction with action

"no, we can't"

with "yes, we can."

Oh, what's the point?

Hello?

Dave? Oh, not you again.

I'm sorry that I got you fired

- and I don't want
- to hurt your feelings

But you startin' to get

on my last nerve.

- Ray and the girls are right.
- You're becoming a pest.

Oh, don't give me

the silent treatment.

Your not Dave!

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Are you all right?

That's a burglar!

- -Where?
- -There!

Freeze!

What do I do now?

Put the cuffs on him

and give me that sandwich.

- I'm fitting you with
- a nice pair of bracelets.

Then we're going downtown.

What am I doing wrong?

They can be tricky.

You just have to slap

them on with authority.

Thank you.

First time, huh?

Yeah.

- Dave, you don't know
- how grateful I am

- That you caught
- that old stanky burglar.

Comes with the territory, Lisa.

- You make a nice
- club sandwich too.

- First of all, I would like
- to congratulate you all

For setting a great example

for the rest of the country.

Almost 30% of you dudes

actually voted.

Okay, great.

Now, give it up

for your new

junior class president

tamera Campbell.

Thank you, Mr. Mitushka.

Um...

My fellow students

I just went into this election

because I just wanted

all the glory of being in power

as well as the joy

of creaming Rhonda.

I know you won't believe this

but, I don't have a clue

about being president.

Now, my sister, Tia

she knows all the issues

- and all the right
- things to say.

I know because during

the campaign, I said them.

She should be up here

instead of me.

I say let's impeach her now

and get it over with!

No need for that

because I'm stepping down.

Can I be president

since I was elected

vice president?

No.

Okay.

Wow. What are we

supposed to do?

This has got me wigging.

Wait! Wait!

There's no need

to wig, Mr. Mitushka.

Um...

Tamera ran for the office

and won the election.

I didn't.

Besides, that speech took

honesty, courage and humility.

- All the qualities you
- want in a president.

So, if we give her

all of our support

I know tamera will make

a great president.

We want tamera!

We want tamera!

We want tamera!

We want tamera!

Talk about a feel good moment.

I am down with it.

- Can I just say one thing Mr.
- Mitushka?

- -No.
- -Okay.

Mr. Mitushka, I'm withdrawing

my resignation.

Go, baby.

Tia...

- I couldn't have done
- this without you.

Oh, yes, you could have...

Not!

Has anyone seen tamera?

- She promised me,
- she'd take out the trash.

Oh, she promised me

- she'd clean her side
- of the room.

- She promised me she'd help me
- down at the mall.

- -What?
- -Tamera.

You made promises

- to help around here,
- but you haven't done anything.

Hey, I'm a politician.

That's what we do.

You're grounded.

Why?

I'm a father.

That's what we do.

Oh, man!