Single Parents (2018–…): Season 2, Episode 1 - Summer of Freedom - full transcript

_

Shuttin' down your ex‐husband's wedding!

Now let's dish.

Okay, so, Will and I drive
up to the drive‐through,

and who's there?

My ex. Graham's dad.

And how'd that deadbeat look?

- Disgusting... ly hot!
- Ohh!

- "Charlie's Angels"!
- Yeah.

Okay, and then Derek gave
me his e‐mail address

on one of his old CDs.



What?! Angie, are you gonna use it?

Wait. Are we headed towards a
"Thelma & Louise" situation?

- No! I'm not gonna e‐mail that dummy.
- Okay.

Look it!

- Aaahhh!
- Aaahhh!

Okay, good, because you know
how crazy he makes you.

One mention of something
that happened nine years ago,

and you are in Obsessed Town.

Not anymore, okay?

Turns out all I had to do was
have one last look at his face.

- Mad closure.
- Good.

Can't wait to see what I
blame my problems on now.

- Probably your mom.
- Yeah.

Prom.



- Take me to prom.
- Mm!

Hey.

Alright, well, you successfully rode out

your ex‐husband's wedding,

so what do you say we leave?

Okay, come on, Douglas.
Let's take a picture.

Eh...

O‐Okay, but I refuse to do a fun one.

Hold up! Are we doing a group photo?

Miggy! Miggy!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ooh, ooh, ooh!

- Dibs on the fake saxophone!
- Ooh.

Wait. You know what I just realized?

Sophie and Graham are at Space Camp,

Rory's going with Ron and
Sharon on their honeymoon...

not a great sign...

and the twins are with
their kinda hot grandma.

Are we looking at a kid‐free summer?

- Totally unprecedented.
- Oh, my God.

This'll have little effect
on my day‐to‐day.

Guys? Really? I mean, Jack's not even 2.

I'll have him the entire time.

A kid‐free summer!

- Dirty little secret?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Shhh.

Okay, so, let's get some
parties on the books, alright?

We can take turns hosting.
That way, we can see each other.

Oh, I'll be seeing you.

Ohh. Okay.

Alright, guys, summer starts now!

Whoo!

_

_

Oh! Hey.

Person who didn't think
that I could pull off a party.

Well, check it. Here.

We have saltines,
a nice spread of breakfast cereal,

and some snacks that
I've been collecting

from Southwest flights.

Nailed it.

Where's your, uh,

work boss/life girlfriend, Tracy Freeze?

Well, we've been
hanging out quite a bit,

but we're keeping things
pretty casual right now.

And that is the perfect attitude
for the summer of freedom.

- Summer!
- Summer!

Whoo!

This is the exact reason why we made

Angie and Will's List of Summer Fun!

Mm. Yes, yes, yes. Yes.

- Shall we review?
- We shall.

I'm excited about the wine tasting. Ooh!

I'm very excited for that pinball bar

where everybody's gonna be 23 and,
therefore, terrifying.

- Karaoke. ♪ Duh! ♪
- Our thing.

And I can finally visit the dog shelter

without having to worry about
Sophie's crippling bulldog allergy.

- Yeah, what a drag.
- Yeah.

Ooh! And the crown jewel...

that Bavarian sausage house

where you get free sausage
for your birthday!

I don't know how I feel about lying.

My birthday's not until October.

Come on. You know the saying...

it's not summer unless
you're lying to some Germans.

Hey, Angie.

Ah! Gus.

My friend and my exterminator.

And you come bearing gifts.

He was raised right.

They're deviled eggs.

Some of them aren't good.

- Oh, my...
- Good God.

Daaaamn!

I'm getting second‐degree burns

from all that fire!

If that's the bad degree.

Oh! Have you two gone on a date yet?

No, Miggy.

I thought he was gonna ask me sooner,
but I don't know.

I think he's just taking his time.

He's taking his time?

The Poppy I know doesn't
wait for anybody.

That's why you're always
leaving me at the mall.

- Mm.
- Mm‐hmm.

Jack! What'd I tell
you about the Sharpies?

The wall, man, not the mouth.

I'll get him.

Oh, man, this party is the pits.

No spread, no bartender, no live piano.

Dude, what's the deal?

Why haven't you asked out Poppy yet?

Well, if you must know,
I'm gonna ask her tonight.

I just had to, you know,
secure all the details.

You see, women are fearful creatures...

you know, skittish, like cats,

and if you put them in an
unpredictable environment,

well, they panic.

That's why they want the man
to make all the decisions.

They also hate the car.

Yeah, I get that.
But see, Poppy's a modern woman.

She's not your usual type.

You're gonna need some new moves.

Eh. All women are the same.

O‐O‐Okay. Here she comes.

Watch and learn.

- Okay, tagging you back in.
- Yeah.

He somehow took his diaper off

yet is still wearing his shorts.

Uh, Ms. Banks,
I would like to inform you

of your plans next Wednesday.

Hey, do you want to go on a date?

W‐Well, I...

Calendars...

appointments...

O‐Okay, are you short‐circuiting
or what's... going... on?

Oh. Is it because a
woman's asking you out?

No!

I‐lt's new.

But, uh, y‐yes.

Yes. It would be my pleasure.

Good. Great.

Um, I'll pick you up Tuesday.

I know this great vegan joint.

Just kidding. We'll get steak.

- Guess what.
- What?

That wine bar is having
a tasting tonight.

We could go straight from here.

Love it. Let's do it!

Okay!

Everyone out!

I'm doing something else now.

I mean it.

- What?
- Oh, really?

This is it.

Yeah, sorry, I sort of meant,
like, after the party,

but this is cool, too.

Uh, is that a CD shard in your pocket?

You know, just can't stop
thinking about e‐mailing Derek,

you know, just to yell
at him one last time,

just hit him with the old "Yo, D‐bag,

do you have any idea how..."

Mm.

Something is...

happening... inside me.

- Feelings?
- Oh, yes.

Feelings.

I just got to... shove those back down.

Okay.

That was close.

- Um...
- All better now.

No! Angie,
you got to let that bad stuff out.

It's like my Nana always says...

if you don't let the steam out
of the kettle, it gets too loud.

Well, your Nana was stupid!

- Sorry.
- It's okay.

I'm not e‐mailing Derek. End of story.

Alright.

But if I were,

you know it would be the
e‐mail of the century.

It would be eight years of rage.

I would find a way
to use the word "butthole"

as a noun and a verb.

You're kind of obsessing about this,

and I think you need
to write this e‐mail.

Like, now.

Yes. Yeah.

You know what?

I can't let this hang over

Angie and Will's List of Summer Fun.

I'm gonna go destroy Derek.

Oh, what about the wine tasting?

How about I head over there now,
get us a table,

strike up some heat with the server?

- Meet you there.
- Yeah.

- Summer!
- Summer! Summer

Summer!

Uh, sir, some of the
patrons are complaining

that you look lonely.

My friend's coming.

That's the spirit, sir.

_

_

_

_

Welcome to our party!

Please enjoy our selection of
fine organic California wines.

From all 58 counties
of this great state.

Maybe skip the Fresno ones.

Enjoy.

I, for one, am trying them all.

- I'm gonna...
- Yeah, would you?

Mm‐hmm. Hey, Guy.

Maybe go easy on the wine?

- Ohhh!
- Mm.

Thanks for having me.

Of course.

Our party?

Seems like you and Tracy

have gotten serious this summer.

I don't know.

Is sex serious?

What?! Will Cooper.

Good for you!

That's what I'm talkin' about.

- Summer lovin'. Yeah.
- Thank you. Mm‐hmm.

Had a little of that myself.

Oh, that's right. Poppy's in the game!

Where is Douglas, by the way?

How would I know?

You remember Gus, from Angie's party?

Can you believe she asked me out?

Love a woman that takes charge.

P.S... you have a
serious silverfish situation.

Let's take a lap, Gus. Okay.

Angie. Hey.

Where have you been?

And are you wearing
maternity sweatpants?

C‐Could you move it along?
I'm kind of in the middle of something.

Okay, I haven't...
I haven't seen you in like a month.

I feel like we have
a lot to catch up on.

Have... you talked to
Poppy about Douglas?

Oh, yeah.

She's... with Gus now.

And you didn't tell me?
This is a major scandal.

If our friend group was America,

this would be on the cover
of People magazine.

Okay, can we talk about this later?

I'm writing the e‐mail to Derek.

Really? He wrote you back?
What did he say?

No. I'm writing the e‐mail to Derek.

Still?

How is that possible?

Because I‐I need it to be perfect.

This is the last thing that I'm
ever gonna say to this jackass,

and I‐I got to get it right.

Wait, I...

So, this is what you've been
doing for the entire month?

This is why we haven't done our
summer distraction plan...

the wine tastings,
the visit to the Sriracha factory,

getting stoned on melatonin and
going to the butterfly pavilion?

Could you take a look at this?
I could use some feedback.

"Hey, bu..." Oh.

Oh.

I don't feel comfortable
reading this out loud.

Well, Ms. Banks, I...
can't help but notice

you're attending this party
with Angie's exterminator.

Mm. Well, his name is Gus,
and he's built like a house.

Poppy, Douglas,
what's going on with you two, huh?

Is it my fault?

- Nothing's going on.
- Damn right.

Nothing's going on.

- I can take a hint.
- Yeah?

I'm gonna go eat a corn chip.

Mm!

I don't get it.

You two were moony for each
other at Angie's party.

I have to know what happened.

- Tenant's rights.
- Alright, fine.

I didn't want to gossip about
Douglas to our mutual friends,

but I need the support,
so just promise to be cool, okay?

Poppy, I don't have
to promise to be cool.

I am cool.

Look at the angle of my hat.

- Got it. Alright.
- Mm‐hmm.

Douglas and I went on the worst
first date in American history.

At first, everything was going great.

And then what happened?

That's it. Never spoke again.

W... That man IRL ghosted you,
and you never got a reason?

We all know the reason, Miggy.
It's because I asked him out.

That's all it took to set his
old‐fashioned brain on fire

and send him running into the night.

I can't believe you actually
had to go through that.

Thank you.

And now I have to go murder Douglas.

What? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Just... leave him alone.

You know, the fact that he has to
live the rest of his life as Douglas

is punishment enough.

Okay.

But only because you're a queen...

- Mm... Yes.
- An icon, a survivor.

Hey, don't freakin' look at her!
What, what...

- Miggy, Miggy.
- What's wrong with you?

Why aren't you laughing?
This is the funny part.

I think I need a break from this e‐mail.

Maybe go watch some videos
of otters holding hands.

Oh, my God! Will!

We finally got the reservation
at that Bavarian sausage place.

- Awesome!
- Yeah.

- Oh. Bavarian sausage place?
- Oh.

It's just part of this
crazy list we made

to make sure that we have
the most fun summer ever.

We call it the Will and Tracy List

- of Summer Fun.
- ... Summer Fun.

Wow.

Cool.

And great name.

Love how it just says what it is.

Yeah.

Hey, Miggy.

Jack is in the yard, huh?
Get in the game.

Oh, I'm sorry, Douglas,
but I have to murder you now!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Take it easy!

How could you do Poppy dirty like that?!

Hey! Relax!

Calm down. I...

I had a heart attack.

What? When?

Tony.

Cedars.

Oh, my God.

Douglas, here I thought you were
the worst person in the world.

You're a king, an icon, a survivor.

A‐Alright.
You don't have to throw me a parade.

Half of my friends survived
a heart attack this summer.

The other half...

We have to tell Poppy the truth.

- O‐Oh... N‐No, no, no.
- Yes!

Okay, I'm sorry I'm doing

the Bavarian sausage thing with Tracy.

You are doing our entire list.

In the words of my ninth
grade English teacher,

"You can't just write your name

on the top of someone
else's work, Angie."

For the record, I called, I texted,

I liked all your tweets,

until I realized it
was a different Angie.

I got nothing back.
I got blown off for an e‐mail.

An e‐mail you
convinced me to write.

Because I didn't know it was
gonna take you two months

to write it, okay?

You abandoned me.

No, no, no. You abandoned me.

I warned you exactly how
much rage was inside of me

and what would happen if it came out.

Okay? A‐And not that it mattered to you.

You were with Tracy,
your supposedly casual girlfriend.

Well, we were casual... a month ago.

And then you were gone, Sophie was gone,

so Tracy and I started hanging out,

and then the next thing I knew,
I had a girlfriend.

So I did the list with her,
but I wanted to do it with you!

Okay, see...

that right there.

That's our problem.

Wait, what is?

It's weird, right?

That I'm mad at you for
spending time with Tracy,

who you're in a relationship with?

I'm just your mom‐friend.

Angie, you know you're more than that.

Well...

I probably shouldn't be.

Have your summer with Tracy, okay?

Do... Do the pinball bar.
Get your fake birthday sausage.

I'll see you when Graham
and Sophie come back.

Will, your daughter gets bigger
and more beautiful every year.

_

_

Well, Tony,
I pulled out all the stops...

full pig, fat guy swinging
fire in the backyard,

and for what?

Poppy didn't even show up.

Well, at least you got all dolled up.

You think she'll ever forgive me?

Don't answer that.
I can't take another kick to the pills.

♪ Happy birthday ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

Why are they singing "Happy Birthday"?

It's not your birthday.

Yeah, but if we tell them it is,
we get the meal for free.

It's not summer unless you're
lying to a German, right?

Wait, what?

Nothing.

Dig in.

Make a wish.

Hey.

I came 'cause I was at
the Bavarian sausage place.

Way to rub it in!

No... Sorry.

The point is, I was sitting there,

and I knew in my heart

that should have been our
fake birthday sausage.

What about Tracy?

Tracy's great.

Frankly, it's nice to be in
a good relationship for once.

But there is some stuff I just
want to do with you.

The dumb stuff.

You're really good at the dumb stuff.

I'm sorry that...

I let an e‐mail ruin our summer.

It's just...

I'd be writing it, you know,
ripping him a new one,

- and then...
- Yeah.

I don't know. All this deeper stuff
started coming out.

Like, you know, how hard
it was having a baby on my own

and how, to this day,
I still half‐expect everyone in my life

to just walk out on me.

It's why I can't bring
myself to send it.

I never want stupid Derek to
know how badly he hurt me.

Ever.

Angie, have you ever considered

that sharing your feelings
isn't a sign of weakness?

Actually, no.

It's kind of your job
to tell me stuff like that.

I'm just mad that Derek
somehow managed to keep us

from our list.

Well, I got some news for you...

our kids don't get home
for a couple of hours.

Are you about to suggest that we
go to Douglas' lame tiki party?

I am. But first.

♪ Hot summer streets ♪

♪ And the pavements are burning ♪

♪ I sit around ♪

♪ Trying to smile ♪

♪ But the air is so heavy and dry ♪

Oh‐ho‐ho‐ho‐ho!

♪ Strange voices are saying ♪

♪ What did they say? ♪

♪ Things I can't understand ♪

♪ It's too close for comfort ♪

♪ This heat has got right out of hand ♪

♪ It's a cruel ♪

♪ It's a cruel! ♪

♪ Cruel summer ♪

♪ Leaving me here on my own ♪

♪ It's a cruel ♪

♪ It's a cruel! ♪

♪ Cruel summer ♪

♪ Now you're goooooooone ♪

Ah.

Thank you, Jane.

What you did to "New
York, New York" tonight

was nothing short of spectacular.

I didn't expect you to cry.

Mahalo.

I'm gonna make this quick.

I deserve an explanation.

Did you really ghost me
because I asked you out?

Are you from horse times?

I‐I thought you were better than that.

At least with me.

I had a heart attack.

What?

What?!

Oh, my Go... When?

On our date.

You were holding my hand,

and that's probably what brought it on.

That and the fact that I still
hadn't used the StairMaster

from my 30th birthday.

Douglas, are you okay?

I'm getting there.

Right now, I'm on a...

plant‐based diet.

For God's sakes, Douglas,
why didn't you tell me?

Because I didn't want you to think
of me as a weak old man, okay?

So you wanted me to think
of you as a jerk instead?

A‐A lot of people already
think of me that way.

See, "jerk" is kind of where I live.

Look, buddy,

if we're gonna do this,
you're gonna have to work on

your big boy communication skills.

Listen, Poppy,
under any normal circumstances,

I never would have
left you on that date.

I was having the time of my life.

It was a great half an appetizer.

Maybe if I'm lucky,
you'll ask me out again.

I have a good feeling about it.

Last night of summer.

You know what tomorrow means.

We're driving them, doing homework,

julienning their vegetables.

Backpacks full of exploded yogurt.

Their horrified screams

when they discover
their art in the garbage.

Talking to parents that aren't us.

Again, I've been dealing
with this the entire summer.

And I did a bad job.

Jack got smaller.

I had a great summer.

Tonight.

There's just one thing
left on my list to do.

Oh, my God.
Is she about to send that e‐mail?

What e‐mail?

Yep. I'm gonna do it.

I am going to truth‐bomb my
ex and never talk to him again.

Can you guys help me workshop
some subject headings?

Send it.

- Send it.
- Send it.

Send it! Send it!

Send it! Send it!

Send it! Send it!

- Yes!
- It's in the void.

Oh, we're so proud of you, girl.

That felt good.

I think I might ride this wave,
like, into the new school year.

You know, turn over a new leaf.

Maybe date some new people,
try some new things.

Like, I‐I don't know,
putting my grocery cart back!

Angie, that would be huge for you.

It's not gonna be easy,
but you guys will have my back.

See, this is gonna be a great fall.

And tomorrow, we get to go back

to doing what we do best... parenting.

We are pretty good at parenting,
aren't we?

Best in the biz.

- Mm‐hmm.
- Yeah.

Uh, hello?!

No one was there to pick
us up at the bus station!

We had to walk home!

We had to cross the freeway.

It was actually kinda fun,
but that's not the point!

Seriously, we leave,
and everything falls apart?

What have you people
been doing without us?

Surpriiiise?

Surprise!