Single Drunk Female (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - One Day at a Time - full transcript
‐♪ ‐(indistinct chatter)
♪
(indistinct announcement over P. A.)
♪
Samantha.
I can see you.
Oh, I just...
I thought I left a box back here.
I hate to play the manager card,
but when you're on the clock,
I expect you to work the whole time.
I know, I'm sorry.
I haven't slept in days, okay?
How many days since your last drink?
(sighs) Why does everybody
keep asking me that?
Nine very boring and miserable days.
You're a newborn.
You're basically in the birth canal.
I don't know if you remember the birth canal,
but I do.
It's my first memory.
Let's start with a meeting.
At Club 24/7.
I promised your sponsor‐‐
aka my sponsor first‐‐
that I'd keep an eye on you.
I miss being a drunk.
There was a lot less accountability.
All right.
("Hell N Back" by Bakar playing)
♪ Could you tell where my head
was at when you found me? ♪
♪ Me and you went to hell and
back just to find peace... ♪
‐Hi. ‐Hey, you're still here.
Wow, thanks for the vote of confidence.
‐Oh, dude, no, I just meant that...
‐It's fine.
‐I'm fairly impressed with myself, as well.
‐Okay.
Okay. (mumbles)
‐Cool. I'm gonna go sit over there.
‐All right, yeah.
If anybody asks where you are,
I can let them know.
(indistinct chatter)
Oh, that's so cute. No.
No offense at all intended,
but you can't sit with me
until you work on your aesthetic.
But you brought me here.
In this room, I'm not your boss.
I'm your chic friend who needs
you to try a little harder.
Yikes, that had to hurt.
‐I am so sorry, yeah. ‐Yeah, mm‐hmm.
No one told me this was like
the high school cafeteria
‐all over again,
except this time I'm way less cute. ‐Oh.
so you were at the good table
at your high school cafeteria?
Well, I was the good table
at my high school cafeteria.
Little tip, though?
‐Mm‐hmm?
‐Just put, like, your set of keys
or, like, a business card on a
chair so nobody takes your seat.
Yeah, I think it's safe to say
I don't have a business card.
Or keys.
Hmm.
You can borrow...
mine.
Is this you giving me your number?
Uh, no, that is
for you to put on a chair
so that nobody takes your seat.
Like I just said, yeah?
♪
(groans)
Good morning.
Is there coffee?
‐I'll get it. ‐Thank you.
Couldn't sleep?
Not in ten days.
You know...
I should have changed that mattress.
We've had that since, what, 1998?
I thought about it over the years,
but then I figured nobody's
ever gonna sleep in there again,
so, you know.
I get it‐‐ you'd love for me to leave.
That is not what I meant.
I love that you're here.
I just hate that you have to be here.
For you.
Look, we're on the same team, okay?
You want me out, I want to be out.
I'm saving money already.
Not a lot of money,
but give it a few months.
You know, I'll get a real job,
start paying rent somewhere.
Don't rush it.
I want you to be healthy.
So, what is the usual time frame
for... being recovered?
Got to get out of Carol's house.
She says she doesn't want me out,
but I know she does.
You know I'd put you up,
but I got my kid and the salon,
and... I just don't really want to.
Yeah, I don't blame you.
Okay, so, uh, how we doing this?
You go up to the front
and buy this and I'll just
act really chill and we can
meet behind the dumpsters?
It's an employee discount, not a bank heist.
You just get me when
you're ready to check out.
‐Everybody does it. ‐Oh, cool.
Oh, shit, I forgot the Saran.
DORIS: Okay, so, look.
This is the meat slicer.
She's gorgeous.
Oh, she's a she?
Yes, obviously, just
didn't want to name her,
'cause that would've been creepy.
‐Of course.
‐All right, come on, give it a go, come on.
Oh, yeah, listen, no, it's, like, super nice
of you to show me the ropes and everything,
but I'm actually not
gonna be working here that long. You know,
it's kind of a temporary thing for me.
Okay, don't look at it like that,
because you might actually be good at this.
Uh‐huh. Yeah, I just think
this might be a waste of your time.
Don't be afraid to succeed.
Come on, step on up.
‐Okay. ‐Okay.
We gonna take this, put that in your hand,
because you're gonna catch the meat.
All right.
That there? Okay.
The best piece of advice
I can give you‐‐
never ask the customers
how thin they want it.
You do not want to deal with the politics.
All right, now.
There you go, let it fall nicely.
All right, all about the meat.
It's all in the shoulders, girl.
But you keep practicing, okay? You got this.
Okay.
(whispering): Sam! Sammy.
Get out! Abort!
What?
What are you doing?
No way‐‐ Sam! What's up?
‐It‐it's been a minute.
‐You're not wrong. (chuckles)
Yeah, Brit told me you were back in town.
I was gonna call you, but, uh...
(clears throat)
I‐I didn't.
Hell... Hey, Sam.
Hey.
It's great to see you guys.
Yeah. No, we were just, we were just...
we were, uh, grocery shopping and...
(laughs)
I know that sounds obvious.
But, um... this is great.
This is great.
You got a job.
And at Giovanni's. I mean...
such good produce.
Really, really good, impressive.
Yeah, but she's just volunteering.
She usually helps the elderly
with their groceries and such.
But I'm sure she could help
you out just this once.
‐At a meat counter? ‐Felicia, it's fine.
Not just at the meat counter, Brit.
She's in all different departments, right?
I just, I work here, that's it.
I work here, you know?
This is my hairnet.
What? Since when? (laughs)
I can never keep up with her, right?
I'm gonna leave you to it.
(chuckles)
(Joel clears his throat)
‐So, uh, can we order something?
Or we don't have to... ‐Oh, yeah. Mm‐hmm.
‐Sure. ‐Cool, uh,
half a pound of that turkey pastrami,
please.
Uh,
how's your dad's contracting business going?
Uh, you know what,
it's actually Joel's business now.
‐Huh. ‐Yeah,
my dad had to have his hips replaced,
so I'm pretty lucky.
It's, um...
it's a little more than half a pound.
‐Sorry about that. ‐It's okay.
It's perfect, great.
I'm really proud of you,
Samantha. I know that
it's not easy to start over.
Do you know where the tortillas are?
I don't.
Okay. I'll find 'em.
It'll be fun, like a game or something.
‐Yeah. ‐See ya.
So, it's really lucky that I ran into you,
'cause the insurance didn't
totally cover the damage
to the party bus and your part's $5,000.
You want me to pay you $5,000?
‐Yeah. ‐Brit...
come on, are you serious?
You think I would be doing this
if I had $5,000?
Look, I'm sorry, but you did the damage,
so you're gonna have to figure it out.
Look,
this isn't my dream to have to ask you.
This is really hard.
It doesn't have to all be at once.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Ooh, that was rough.
You ready to do the discount?
Hey, Mindy, um, I've recently
been hit with some unexpected expenses,
and that plus what I owe the city‐‐ well,
it's a lot.
‐Uh‐huh. ‐You know,
I'm not sure if you kept my résumé,
but if you did, you'd know that I graduated
magna cum laude from NYU and
I've managed teams of people, so yeah‐‐
I'd love to throw my
hat in the ring for that
‐assistant management position.
‐(chuckles)
Despite what you may
have heard or witnessed,
uh,
I think I could hit this out of the park,
in exchange for just a small salary bump.
You don't have a salary.
‐What? ‐Samantha,
you can't even slice meat.
Okay, it's actually a lot
more difficult than it looks,
And I'm learning how to slice meat
'cause Doris is a wonderful mentor.
I‐I just...
Look, I am in a little bit of trouble here.
So if there is anything‐‐ like,
really anything‐‐
I would just love the chance to show you
that I can excel here.
I will totally do that if you
start doing even your job.
But great energy here.
♪
Hi.
Oh, hi, sorry. Uh, I'm Samantha.
I'm looking for Olivia.
Oh, I thought you were my burrito.
‐Oh. ‐Oh, hey.
Hey, sorry, I tried calling.
Oh. Yeah. We're about to go jogging.
This is Samantha. She's one my sponsees.
Oh, hi, Samantha. I'm Stephanie.
Hi, Stephanie, it's nice to meet you.
It's pronounced "Stefani,"
like Gwen.
Sorry.
‐It's okay.
‐Baby, can I have five minutes?
I thought we said no more sponsees
in the house,
'cause it's like you're the coach
‐in Friday Night Lights.
‐I know, but you love
‐that character.
‐I know, but I don't love
‐being married to that character.
‐I know,
but be my Connie Britton and
just give me this five...
Okay, Kyle Chandler, I love you.
Five minutes.
‐Okay, I love you so much.
‐Love you back.
‐You're my world. I love you.
‐I love you. Beyond, beyond.
‐Yes. ‐(exhales)
Okay, come on in.
Cool leggings.
Thanks. My wife makes these.
She's launching a girl‐power
athleisure company.
Girl Boss‐ton.
Anyway, it's very funny,
it's extremely cute.
‐And I think it's got a great message.
‐Plus she's super hot.
We've been together forever and
I'm obsessed with her still.
Anyway, we have to go quick
or she'll kill me. What's up?
Basically, I need money. Like, a lot of it.
'Cause Brit wants me to
pay for the party bus.
You'd think she'd be able to let that go
since she's marrying my ex‐boyfriend,
but no.
She hit me up today,
while I was wearing a hairnet,
‐elbow deep in meat.
‐That's a tough day.
And, um, I can't ask my mom
for money again, 'cause she'll own me, so...
Well,
the good news is you don't have to do that.
Oh, okay, good. What do I do?
Oh, um, I don't know. (short chuckle)
(short laugh) What do you mean?
Well, I'm not your financial advisor.
Part of your recovery
is to act like an adult
in the world and figure out a solution.
Um, so...
Sorry, but...
what is the point of talking to you?
‐Pardon?
‐It's just, like, you can't help me
figure out the money stuff.
You only tell me what not to do,
so I'm just trying
to figure out, like,
what do you actually do?
I help you stay sober in this moment.
Did you drink today?
‐No, but... ‐Did you want to drink?
Yes, that's why I came here.
That's great. I'm good at my job.
What about everything else?
All of those problems‐‐ your mom,
the money,
your friends, your ex‐‐
those all stem from your drinking.
So... so what do I do?
Don't drink.
Right.
Okay, so I have to ask my mom for money.
Ooh, who said that?
Sorry to interrupt.
I'm just grabbing Josh.
Thought you guys would be done now.
So... Hi, baby,
‐hi. ‐(Josh yowls)
Hi, Joshy boy.
Baby, we just need two more minutes.
Okay.
Okay, you are smart
and you don't need to solve
this problem right now.
The only thing you need to
do is to stay sober today.
One day at a time.
Oh, boy, okay.
Thank you. Really nice to meet you.
Love the leggings.
Oh my God, thank you. Wait, don't leave,
don't leave. I'll get you a pair.
No, honestly, it's fine.
‐Take Josh. ‐Yep.
Okay.
Um, what size are you?
‐A small? ‐I would've guessed that.
They're so cute.
Hey, Mom?
‐CAROL: Sam? ‐I need s... Yeah?
You're early.
‐For what? ‐For nothing.
For... I was...
I wasn't expecting you home.
I thought you had one of your meetings.
Oh, no, I only had two today.
'Cause I'm killing it.
You must be Samantha.
I am. Who are you?
Bob. Bob Wolcowicz.
‐Bob is in my spiritual book club.
‐Yeah.
‐Ah. ‐We're seeing each other.
Romantically.
Well, I'm...
very happy for you both.
You did lie. You lied. You want me out.
So you can slut, slut, slut!
You... you keep your voice down.
He doesn't need to know
how volatile you are!
Me? I'm the problem.
(scoffs) You are the one
who is kicking out your
own daughter,
your terribly in‐debt daughter,
who might wind up in jail
because she can't pay.
But, ooh, you would love that, wouldn't you?
So you could be alone with Bob!
Not about Bob!
It's about me!
I want to be alone in
my own house sometimes.
It's not your house, it's Dad's house,
it's all of our house!
And now you want to talk about dad.
Samantha, I want to get my groove back.
I can't get my groove back
when you are always here.
You are 28.
Why do you care who I date?!
I don't know!
("Give Thanks" by Swing Ting playing)
♪ It's like one, two, three ♪
♪ Big up the gyal dem
wid di healthy body ♪
♪ Waste gyal you know
you cyah chat to we ♪
♪ No bodda come yah wid you negativity ♪
♪ It's like one, two, three ♪
♪ Big up the gyal dem
wid di healthy body ♪
♪ Waste man you know
you cyah chat to we ♪
♪ Nuh bodda come yah
wid you negativity ♪
♪ Negativity. ♪
Wow. That was fast.
Eh, it's either this or 90‐Day Fiancé.
(indistinct chatter)
I just...
I can't believe I got that close.
You're fine. I've done so much worse.
‐No, you haven't. ‐Sam,
I used to blackout and steal dogs.
Like, I would wake up just with a dog
and not remember how it got there.
I just...
I feel like that's kind of cute.
‐I'm a felon. ‐Yeah, I could've been.
They would've called me, like,
the Doggy Bandit or something.
But they didn't.
‐They did not. ‐You got away with it.
I got away with it.
I have so many dogs now.
‐Mm‐hmm. ‐Mm‐hmm. Oh!
And this one time I took a
little bit of my friend's
mom's ashes and spread them in the Charles,
because I thought it was a nice thing to do.
Okay,
that makes me feel a little bit better,
'cause I don't think I've
ever spread anyone's ashes.
Like, not even my own dad's.
He's just sitting on my mom's side table.
Although she would probably
hit it now that she's
schtupping her friend Bob.
It's always a Bob.
My mom has a Bob, but his name's Daryl.
Which is the Bob of Black people.
(short chuckle)
(snorts, laughs)
I didn't... I didn't know that.
‐Yeah. ‐(chuckles)
Thank you for picking me up.
Yeah, of course.
I just wanted to show you my car, though.
It's nice.
We could just go to Good Time Sally's
and relive that night I have
absolutely no memory of.
Yeah, let's‐let's go relapse together,
great.
Well, we could skip the relapse
part and just do the sex thing.
That sounds great. But I can't.
Because you're kind of untouchable
until you're a year and a day sober.
You're serious?
Yeah. It's, like, a famous thing.
And I kind of have to be a rules guys.
Well, I would like to go on the record
as saying that rule blows.
‐Mm. ‐Who can I complain to?
Uh... no one.
They just had to get that day in there.
Dicks.
I never believed in ghosts
‐until I saw Ghost. ‐Love that movie.
‐Right? ‐Yes.
And it's true, they‐they are around.
I have one in my house right now
as we speak, I mean,
he's not haunting me or anything.
He's just kind of hanging out.
Like a college roommate
who's girlfriend lives in a better dorm.
I always wanted to see ghosts,
but they never came to see me.
I was sure my Aunt Nan was gonna haunt me.
She was such a bitch.
It would be just like her
to come back from the
other side and torture me.
Well,
maybe you have to come over to my place
and meet my ghost roommate.
‐That could be good. ‐Yeah.
We could get little spooky.
Yes, we can.
(Bob chuckles)
‐Mmm. ‐I'm gonna go pee.
You stay here and don't a move a muscle.
Okay.
‐(high‐pitched): Oil can.
‐(door closes)
If it isn't you again.
Oh, it is you again.
I like that we're becoming
more playful with each other.
Where's my mom, Bob?
I killed her.
I'm kidding. I‐I wouldn't kill her.
(laughs) I might.
(chuckles)
Uh, all right, I'm gonna
‐go to my room. ‐Okay.
Hey, uh, before you go, I‐I just
wanted to say that...
I think you're doing a really great job.
Thanks?
I hit my bottom a few years back.
Not with alcohol.
But... with a near‐death experience.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, I was skydiving,
and you know at the end,
when you land and you run
for a little bit? Well, I fell over instead
and got dragged and...
...I broke my tibia.
The‐the near‐death experience
was breaking your tibia?
Yes.
It was a near‐death experience
until it wasn't.
So, anyway, I went to physical therapy,
and healed my tibia and I discovered my‐my
true passion in life, which is
helping other people. And I became
a personal trainer,
started reading a lot of Glennon Doyle,
which led the new me to book club,
which led me to Carol, your mom,
and I've never been happier.
And that could be you.
Well, thank you for the pep talk, Bob.
Well, I‐I hope it was helpful.
‐It was. ‐Okay.
I'm glad that we got a chance to chat,
because your mom speaks so...
so very highly of you.
Mm, I bet.
She told me all about how you were the star
of your soccer high school team
and your time in New York and working
at that website Bzzzzzzzzzz.
That's a... that's an awesome name.
We even took one of your
quizzes the other day.
W‐What was the name of the
quiz we did the other day?
"Which Ariana Grande boyfriend are you?"
(laughing): Yes!
That's right! I was, uh, Pete Davidson.
Which makes sense, because I am...
covered in crappy tattoos.
‐You are not. ‐(chuckles)
All will be revealed in
the fullness of time.
You know what, actually,
I think I'm gonna go to Felicia's
'cause I haven't seen her in a little while,
so...
‐love you. ‐Love you.
(grunting)
Nice initiative, Samantha.
Yeah, it's, uh,
not as easy as it looks when Doris does it.
Anyway, here's your paycheck.
‐Oh. ‐It is, in all honesty,
a very tiny amount of money.
But I'll slot you in for a
few extra shifts next week.
They're yours if you like cash.
Yes, please, thank you. I'll take anything.
That's your first sober paycheck.
You should be proud.
♪ Everybody wants to be a genius ♪
♪ You're not the only one ♪
♪ With all things that you might do ♪
♪ Which one of them will you get to? ♪
♪
(indistinct announcement over P. A.)
♪
Samantha.
I can see you.
Oh, I just...
I thought I left a box back here.
I hate to play the manager card,
but when you're on the clock,
I expect you to work the whole time.
I know, I'm sorry.
I haven't slept in days, okay?
How many days since your last drink?
(sighs) Why does everybody
keep asking me that?
Nine very boring and miserable days.
You're a newborn.
You're basically in the birth canal.
I don't know if you remember the birth canal,
but I do.
It's my first memory.
Let's start with a meeting.
At Club 24/7.
I promised your sponsor‐‐
aka my sponsor first‐‐
that I'd keep an eye on you.
I miss being a drunk.
There was a lot less accountability.
All right.
("Hell N Back" by Bakar playing)
♪ Could you tell where my head
was at when you found me? ♪
♪ Me and you went to hell and
back just to find peace... ♪
‐Hi. ‐Hey, you're still here.
Wow, thanks for the vote of confidence.
‐Oh, dude, no, I just meant that...
‐It's fine.
‐I'm fairly impressed with myself, as well.
‐Okay.
Okay. (mumbles)
‐Cool. I'm gonna go sit over there.
‐All right, yeah.
If anybody asks where you are,
I can let them know.
(indistinct chatter)
Oh, that's so cute. No.
No offense at all intended,
but you can't sit with me
until you work on your aesthetic.
But you brought me here.
In this room, I'm not your boss.
I'm your chic friend who needs
you to try a little harder.
Yikes, that had to hurt.
‐I am so sorry, yeah. ‐Yeah, mm‐hmm.
No one told me this was like
the high school cafeteria
‐all over again,
except this time I'm way less cute. ‐Oh.
so you were at the good table
at your high school cafeteria?
Well, I was the good table
at my high school cafeteria.
Little tip, though?
‐Mm‐hmm?
‐Just put, like, your set of keys
or, like, a business card on a
chair so nobody takes your seat.
Yeah, I think it's safe to say
I don't have a business card.
Or keys.
Hmm.
You can borrow...
mine.
Is this you giving me your number?
Uh, no, that is
for you to put on a chair
so that nobody takes your seat.
Like I just said, yeah?
♪
(groans)
Good morning.
Is there coffee?
‐I'll get it. ‐Thank you.
Couldn't sleep?
Not in ten days.
You know...
I should have changed that mattress.
We've had that since, what, 1998?
I thought about it over the years,
but then I figured nobody's
ever gonna sleep in there again,
so, you know.
I get it‐‐ you'd love for me to leave.
That is not what I meant.
I love that you're here.
I just hate that you have to be here.
For you.
Look, we're on the same team, okay?
You want me out, I want to be out.
I'm saving money already.
Not a lot of money,
but give it a few months.
You know, I'll get a real job,
start paying rent somewhere.
Don't rush it.
I want you to be healthy.
So, what is the usual time frame
for... being recovered?
Got to get out of Carol's house.
She says she doesn't want me out,
but I know she does.
You know I'd put you up,
but I got my kid and the salon,
and... I just don't really want to.
Yeah, I don't blame you.
Okay, so, uh, how we doing this?
You go up to the front
and buy this and I'll just
act really chill and we can
meet behind the dumpsters?
It's an employee discount, not a bank heist.
You just get me when
you're ready to check out.
‐Everybody does it. ‐Oh, cool.
Oh, shit, I forgot the Saran.
DORIS: Okay, so, look.
This is the meat slicer.
She's gorgeous.
Oh, she's a she?
Yes, obviously, just
didn't want to name her,
'cause that would've been creepy.
‐Of course.
‐All right, come on, give it a go, come on.
Oh, yeah, listen, no, it's, like, super nice
of you to show me the ropes and everything,
but I'm actually not
gonna be working here that long. You know,
it's kind of a temporary thing for me.
Okay, don't look at it like that,
because you might actually be good at this.
Uh‐huh. Yeah, I just think
this might be a waste of your time.
Don't be afraid to succeed.
Come on, step on up.
‐Okay. ‐Okay.
We gonna take this, put that in your hand,
because you're gonna catch the meat.
All right.
That there? Okay.
The best piece of advice
I can give you‐‐
never ask the customers
how thin they want it.
You do not want to deal with the politics.
All right, now.
There you go, let it fall nicely.
All right, all about the meat.
It's all in the shoulders, girl.
But you keep practicing, okay? You got this.
Okay.
(whispering): Sam! Sammy.
Get out! Abort!
What?
What are you doing?
No way‐‐ Sam! What's up?
‐It‐it's been a minute.
‐You're not wrong. (chuckles)
Yeah, Brit told me you were back in town.
I was gonna call you, but, uh...
(clears throat)
I‐I didn't.
Hell... Hey, Sam.
Hey.
It's great to see you guys.
Yeah. No, we were just, we were just...
we were, uh, grocery shopping and...
(laughs)
I know that sounds obvious.
But, um... this is great.
This is great.
You got a job.
And at Giovanni's. I mean...
such good produce.
Really, really good, impressive.
Yeah, but she's just volunteering.
She usually helps the elderly
with their groceries and such.
But I'm sure she could help
you out just this once.
‐At a meat counter? ‐Felicia, it's fine.
Not just at the meat counter, Brit.
She's in all different departments, right?
I just, I work here, that's it.
I work here, you know?
This is my hairnet.
What? Since when? (laughs)
I can never keep up with her, right?
I'm gonna leave you to it.
(chuckles)
(Joel clears his throat)
‐So, uh, can we order something?
Or we don't have to... ‐Oh, yeah. Mm‐hmm.
‐Sure. ‐Cool, uh,
half a pound of that turkey pastrami,
please.
Uh,
how's your dad's contracting business going?
Uh, you know what,
it's actually Joel's business now.
‐Huh. ‐Yeah,
my dad had to have his hips replaced,
so I'm pretty lucky.
It's, um...
it's a little more than half a pound.
‐Sorry about that. ‐It's okay.
It's perfect, great.
I'm really proud of you,
Samantha. I know that
it's not easy to start over.
Do you know where the tortillas are?
I don't.
Okay. I'll find 'em.
It'll be fun, like a game or something.
‐Yeah. ‐See ya.
So, it's really lucky that I ran into you,
'cause the insurance didn't
totally cover the damage
to the party bus and your part's $5,000.
You want me to pay you $5,000?
‐Yeah. ‐Brit...
come on, are you serious?
You think I would be doing this
if I had $5,000?
Look, I'm sorry, but you did the damage,
so you're gonna have to figure it out.
Look,
this isn't my dream to have to ask you.
This is really hard.
It doesn't have to all be at once.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Ooh, that was rough.
You ready to do the discount?
Hey, Mindy, um, I've recently
been hit with some unexpected expenses,
and that plus what I owe the city‐‐ well,
it's a lot.
‐Uh‐huh. ‐You know,
I'm not sure if you kept my résumé,
but if you did, you'd know that I graduated
magna cum laude from NYU and
I've managed teams of people, so yeah‐‐
I'd love to throw my
hat in the ring for that
‐assistant management position.
‐(chuckles)
Despite what you may
have heard or witnessed,
uh,
I think I could hit this out of the park,
in exchange for just a small salary bump.
You don't have a salary.
‐What? ‐Samantha,
you can't even slice meat.
Okay, it's actually a lot
more difficult than it looks,
And I'm learning how to slice meat
'cause Doris is a wonderful mentor.
I‐I just...
Look, I am in a little bit of trouble here.
So if there is anything‐‐ like,
really anything‐‐
I would just love the chance to show you
that I can excel here.
I will totally do that if you
start doing even your job.
But great energy here.
♪
Hi.
Oh, hi, sorry. Uh, I'm Samantha.
I'm looking for Olivia.
Oh, I thought you were my burrito.
‐Oh. ‐Oh, hey.
Hey, sorry, I tried calling.
Oh. Yeah. We're about to go jogging.
This is Samantha. She's one my sponsees.
Oh, hi, Samantha. I'm Stephanie.
Hi, Stephanie, it's nice to meet you.
It's pronounced "Stefani,"
like Gwen.
Sorry.
‐It's okay.
‐Baby, can I have five minutes?
I thought we said no more sponsees
in the house,
'cause it's like you're the coach
‐in Friday Night Lights.
‐I know, but you love
‐that character.
‐I know, but I don't love
‐being married to that character.
‐I know,
but be my Connie Britton and
just give me this five...
Okay, Kyle Chandler, I love you.
Five minutes.
‐Okay, I love you so much.
‐Love you back.
‐You're my world. I love you.
‐I love you. Beyond, beyond.
‐Yes. ‐(exhales)
Okay, come on in.
Cool leggings.
Thanks. My wife makes these.
She's launching a girl‐power
athleisure company.
Girl Boss‐ton.
Anyway, it's very funny,
it's extremely cute.
‐And I think it's got a great message.
‐Plus she's super hot.
We've been together forever and
I'm obsessed with her still.
Anyway, we have to go quick
or she'll kill me. What's up?
Basically, I need money. Like, a lot of it.
'Cause Brit wants me to
pay for the party bus.
You'd think she'd be able to let that go
since she's marrying my ex‐boyfriend,
but no.
She hit me up today,
while I was wearing a hairnet,
‐elbow deep in meat.
‐That's a tough day.
And, um, I can't ask my mom
for money again, 'cause she'll own me, so...
Well,
the good news is you don't have to do that.
Oh, okay, good. What do I do?
Oh, um, I don't know. (short chuckle)
(short laugh) What do you mean?
Well, I'm not your financial advisor.
Part of your recovery
is to act like an adult
in the world and figure out a solution.
Um, so...
Sorry, but...
what is the point of talking to you?
‐Pardon?
‐It's just, like, you can't help me
figure out the money stuff.
You only tell me what not to do,
so I'm just trying
to figure out, like,
what do you actually do?
I help you stay sober in this moment.
Did you drink today?
‐No, but... ‐Did you want to drink?
Yes, that's why I came here.
That's great. I'm good at my job.
What about everything else?
All of those problems‐‐ your mom,
the money,
your friends, your ex‐‐
those all stem from your drinking.
So... so what do I do?
Don't drink.
Right.
Okay, so I have to ask my mom for money.
Ooh, who said that?
Sorry to interrupt.
I'm just grabbing Josh.
Thought you guys would be done now.
So... Hi, baby,
‐hi. ‐(Josh yowls)
Hi, Joshy boy.
Baby, we just need two more minutes.
Okay.
Okay, you are smart
and you don't need to solve
this problem right now.
The only thing you need to
do is to stay sober today.
One day at a time.
Oh, boy, okay.
Thank you. Really nice to meet you.
Love the leggings.
Oh my God, thank you. Wait, don't leave,
don't leave. I'll get you a pair.
No, honestly, it's fine.
‐Take Josh. ‐Yep.
Okay.
Um, what size are you?
‐A small? ‐I would've guessed that.
They're so cute.
Hey, Mom?
‐CAROL: Sam? ‐I need s... Yeah?
You're early.
‐For what? ‐For nothing.
For... I was...
I wasn't expecting you home.
I thought you had one of your meetings.
Oh, no, I only had two today.
'Cause I'm killing it.
You must be Samantha.
I am. Who are you?
Bob. Bob Wolcowicz.
‐Bob is in my spiritual book club.
‐Yeah.
‐Ah. ‐We're seeing each other.
Romantically.
Well, I'm...
very happy for you both.
You did lie. You lied. You want me out.
So you can slut, slut, slut!
You... you keep your voice down.
He doesn't need to know
how volatile you are!
Me? I'm the problem.
(scoffs) You are the one
who is kicking out your
own daughter,
your terribly in‐debt daughter,
who might wind up in jail
because she can't pay.
But, ooh, you would love that, wouldn't you?
So you could be alone with Bob!
Not about Bob!
It's about me!
I want to be alone in
my own house sometimes.
It's not your house, it's Dad's house,
it's all of our house!
And now you want to talk about dad.
Samantha, I want to get my groove back.
I can't get my groove back
when you are always here.
You are 28.
Why do you care who I date?!
I don't know!
("Give Thanks" by Swing Ting playing)
♪ It's like one, two, three ♪
♪ Big up the gyal dem
wid di healthy body ♪
♪ Waste gyal you know
you cyah chat to we ♪
♪ No bodda come yah wid you negativity ♪
♪ It's like one, two, three ♪
♪ Big up the gyal dem
wid di healthy body ♪
♪ Waste man you know
you cyah chat to we ♪
♪ Nuh bodda come yah
wid you negativity ♪
♪ Negativity. ♪
Wow. That was fast.
Eh, it's either this or 90‐Day Fiancé.
(indistinct chatter)
I just...
I can't believe I got that close.
You're fine. I've done so much worse.
‐No, you haven't. ‐Sam,
I used to blackout and steal dogs.
Like, I would wake up just with a dog
and not remember how it got there.
I just...
I feel like that's kind of cute.
‐I'm a felon. ‐Yeah, I could've been.
They would've called me, like,
the Doggy Bandit or something.
But they didn't.
‐They did not. ‐You got away with it.
I got away with it.
I have so many dogs now.
‐Mm‐hmm. ‐Mm‐hmm. Oh!
And this one time I took a
little bit of my friend's
mom's ashes and spread them in the Charles,
because I thought it was a nice thing to do.
Okay,
that makes me feel a little bit better,
'cause I don't think I've
ever spread anyone's ashes.
Like, not even my own dad's.
He's just sitting on my mom's side table.
Although she would probably
hit it now that she's
schtupping her friend Bob.
It's always a Bob.
My mom has a Bob, but his name's Daryl.
Which is the Bob of Black people.
(short chuckle)
(snorts, laughs)
I didn't... I didn't know that.
‐Yeah. ‐(chuckles)
Thank you for picking me up.
Yeah, of course.
I just wanted to show you my car, though.
It's nice.
We could just go to Good Time Sally's
and relive that night I have
absolutely no memory of.
Yeah, let's‐let's go relapse together,
great.
Well, we could skip the relapse
part and just do the sex thing.
That sounds great. But I can't.
Because you're kind of untouchable
until you're a year and a day sober.
You're serious?
Yeah. It's, like, a famous thing.
And I kind of have to be a rules guys.
Well, I would like to go on the record
as saying that rule blows.
‐Mm. ‐Who can I complain to?
Uh... no one.
They just had to get that day in there.
Dicks.
I never believed in ghosts
‐until I saw Ghost. ‐Love that movie.
‐Right? ‐Yes.
And it's true, they‐they are around.
I have one in my house right now
as we speak, I mean,
he's not haunting me or anything.
He's just kind of hanging out.
Like a college roommate
who's girlfriend lives in a better dorm.
I always wanted to see ghosts,
but they never came to see me.
I was sure my Aunt Nan was gonna haunt me.
She was such a bitch.
It would be just like her
to come back from the
other side and torture me.
Well,
maybe you have to come over to my place
and meet my ghost roommate.
‐That could be good. ‐Yeah.
We could get little spooky.
Yes, we can.
(Bob chuckles)
‐Mmm. ‐I'm gonna go pee.
You stay here and don't a move a muscle.
Okay.
‐(high‐pitched): Oil can.
‐(door closes)
If it isn't you again.
Oh, it is you again.
I like that we're becoming
more playful with each other.
Where's my mom, Bob?
I killed her.
I'm kidding. I‐I wouldn't kill her.
(laughs) I might.
(chuckles)
Uh, all right, I'm gonna
‐go to my room. ‐Okay.
Hey, uh, before you go, I‐I just
wanted to say that...
I think you're doing a really great job.
Thanks?
I hit my bottom a few years back.
Not with alcohol.
But... with a near‐death experience.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, I was skydiving,
and you know at the end,
when you land and you run
for a little bit? Well, I fell over instead
and got dragged and...
...I broke my tibia.
The‐the near‐death experience
was breaking your tibia?
Yes.
It was a near‐death experience
until it wasn't.
So, anyway, I went to physical therapy,
and healed my tibia and I discovered my‐my
true passion in life, which is
helping other people. And I became
a personal trainer,
started reading a lot of Glennon Doyle,
which led the new me to book club,
which led me to Carol, your mom,
and I've never been happier.
And that could be you.
Well, thank you for the pep talk, Bob.
Well, I‐I hope it was helpful.
‐It was. ‐Okay.
I'm glad that we got a chance to chat,
because your mom speaks so...
so very highly of you.
Mm, I bet.
She told me all about how you were the star
of your soccer high school team
and your time in New York and working
at that website Bzzzzzzzzzz.
That's a... that's an awesome name.
We even took one of your
quizzes the other day.
W‐What was the name of the
quiz we did the other day?
"Which Ariana Grande boyfriend are you?"
(laughing): Yes!
That's right! I was, uh, Pete Davidson.
Which makes sense, because I am...
covered in crappy tattoos.
‐You are not. ‐(chuckles)
All will be revealed in
the fullness of time.
You know what, actually,
I think I'm gonna go to Felicia's
'cause I haven't seen her in a little while,
so...
‐love you. ‐Love you.
(grunting)
Nice initiative, Samantha.
Yeah, it's, uh,
not as easy as it looks when Doris does it.
Anyway, here's your paycheck.
‐Oh. ‐It is, in all honesty,
a very tiny amount of money.
But I'll slot you in for a
few extra shifts next week.
They're yours if you like cash.
Yes, please, thank you. I'll take anything.
That's your first sober paycheck.
You should be proud.
♪ Everybody wants to be a genius ♪
♪ You're not the only one ♪
♪ With all things that you might do ♪
♪ Which one of them will you get to? ♪