Single Drunk Female (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 10 - A Wedding - full transcript

MAN:
What are we drinking to?

Mm, we should drink to me.

Yeah, 'cause I just finished
a year's probation,

and my ex-best friend
finally saw the light

and invited me
to her stupid wedding.

And, uh... Oh, yeah.

I got, uh, my one-year chip.

Mmm.

[♪ ♪]

- What are you looking at?
- Eighth grade.

That was such
a tough year for you.



Yeah, well, the bangs.

Yeah, well, they are
violently irregular.

- I looked like a troll.
- I know.

Kids can be
so appropriately cruel.

- I got this.
- No, no, no, come on, man.

Well, it's not like
I don't owe you, okay?

I left you high and dry
when I...

kicked the bucket.

One could argue
that I left you high and dry

in the weeks and months
leading up to

you kicking said bucket.

Uh, years, actually.

Was it years?

It was years.



Dad?

I'm here.

I can't see your face.

Well, maybe you ought to watch
what you're drinking.

Oh, shit.
I'm drinking.

- But I really want to see you.
- You can't.

This is a classic
alcoholic anxiety dream.

I quit smoking 20 years ago
and I still dream about it.

The good news is this means
that things are going well.

Of course, the bad news
is that I'm still dead.

Hey, don't let your mom
date anyone. Okay?

I mean, uh, you know,
unless it's, like,

Pierce Brosnan.
That I would get.

You know.
The guy's a smoke show.

She doesn't stand a chance
in hell with Pierce Brosnan.

- I think that's why I chose him.
- Yeah.

Don't let her date
Pierce Brosnan,

- I changed my mind.
- Okay,

- I'll let her know.
- Okay.

Wait, Dad.

[♪ ♪]

(gasps)

[♪ ♪]

Okay.

Sign here.

Great.
Got it.

Thank you.
Have a good life.

That's it?
What's the next step?

Nothing.
You turned in

all your program attendance,
you paid your fines,

you even completed
your community service.

You were two hours over.

-Oh. Is there,
-Good for you.

- Like, extra credit?
- No.

The state of Massachusetts
doesn't offer extra credit.

Right.
All right, so I'll, uh,

check in with you
every month now?

You check in with me never.
You're done.

- Congratulations.
- (claps)

Go revel in your freedom.
(whoops softly)

Sure you don't want me to, like,

pee in a cup,
for old time's sake?

What is happening?

- Do you enjoy probation, Samantha?
- No.

No, it's just weird. I've seen
you every week for, like,

however many weeks
are in a year.

52.
Weeks, yeah.

I think I'm... gonna miss you.

Well, tell you what,

if you are desperate to see me,

I will be at
your mom's book club.

It's a trial period.

And they are on trial.

*SINGLE DRUNK FEMALE*
Season 01 Episode 10

Episode Title: "A Wedding"
Aired on: March 17, 2022.

CAROL:
Use the brush.

Mm-hmm.

It blends it much better.

- Good to know.
- Yes.

And...

I would go light on that because
of the little cracky lips.

Yes. Got it.

So...

is today gonna be hard for you
because of Joel?

I don't know.
Um, I don't think so.

Bringing a nice guy helps.

(chuckles)
I can't wait to meet him.

Oh, my God, I hadn't
thought about that part.

Yeah.

- Lovely.
- (chuckles)

I'm so good at this.

BOB (in distance):
Hello, hello, hello!

It is I, Prince Charming.
Just gonna put

my fishing gear in the, uh,
the closet, here, okay?

- What?!
- BOB: Love you.

- It's okay, it's okay.
- (scoffs)

- Hey, Bob?
- BOB: Yes'm?

So, so, fishing stuff is
kind of, like, garage materials.

You know, the closets are, like,
for fancy s... fancy things.

BOB: Oh. Okay, got it.

(whispers): Thank you.

- I feel so seen.
- (chuckles)

Any word from James?

I'm sure he will
be here any minute.

Is this a bad sign?
Is he not reliable?

You can be late
and be reliable.

Yes, of course.
Of course you can.

And he's done all that work.

Right? So, yes, of course.

- He is reliable.
- (clears throat)

You know what?

Just in case.

You're giving me your keys?

You got your license back.

Thank you.

Just... Fill it, give it a wash.

- You got it.
- Thank you. Yeah.

- See you.
- Yeah, bye.

[♪ ♪]

Oh, my God, stop texting.

Okay? I know you're out of practice.
Just say what you mean

once... nothing is worth
a paragraph. Nothing.

No, I know, it's just...

it's weird, you know?
He's really

not the type to ghost, so...

He'll make it or he won't.
Either way,

there's a silver lining.

- What's that?
- This is great for me.

I actually still don't know
if I'm supposed to be here,

so I'm gonna just cling to you
like a barnacle.

What do you mean?
You said she invited you.

Yes, technically, when she was
under the influence

- of some pretty gnarly stuff, so...
- Right.

(car door closes)

-FELICIA: Well, well,
-Okay.

- Well.
- James.

What nerve.
Hey, don't take him back.

Actually, do what you want.
I don't care.

- Hey, hey.
- Oh, my God, where were you?

Oh, my God, I got rear-ended

by some real piece of work,
and then

I was waiting for insurance,

the tow truck was late...
All kinds of stupid stuff.

Oh, my God. Are you okay?
Did you get hurt?

I-I'm fine, a little shook up.

Too shook up to text?
Hi.

I should have, but I was
just racing to get here,

'cause I didn't want to miss...

this, my God.

Okay, well, I'm just
glad you're okay.

For the record,
I did not like that, though.

I was very scared
and very worried.

- We all were.
- I'm sorry.

Well, I'm gonna go see if my
name is at the singles table.

JAMES: Do you want to banish me there,
too? It's totally fine,

- I don't mind.
- Have you seen yourself in this suit?

You're not going anywhere
near the singles table.

Hi, guys.

Samantha. Uh, so, I was just
spreading the word.

We're actually
running a little behind

on, like, backstage stuff.

So while we just
try and take care of things,

we're gonna go on ahead
and get the hors d'oeuvres going

so you don't starve
before the ceremony, okay?

- Does that include drinks?
- Yes, lots

of drinks, and
I'll be back soon, hopefully.

What the hell
did she mean by that?

I don't know.
I think I should go find Brit.

Here.

No. People are gonna
think we're together.

All right.

(door opens)

- She's here. She's here.
- Oh, my God.

- Hi.
- Hi. Thank you for coming.

Honestly, it was an emergency.

Sure. (Short chuckle)
Always on call,

even when I'm technically
not on the schedule

and been, you know, my first
day off in three weeks, so...

Is that the dress?
I'm not-I'm not looking.

Ooh, but I want to kiss you.

- Okay, go, go.
- Yes, absolutely.

So, what is the problem?

Well, you know,
the dress doesn't fit.

- Oh, it does.
- No.

We had four fittings,

I have a picture of your boobs
etched in my brain.

Um, not in a creepy way.

You know, just look at this.

Oh, yeah, well, you just
need to zip it up.

- Okay, well, all right...
- Oh, no,

- no, stop. Oh, stop. Ooh.
- But...

This time, you're gonna suck it
all in when I say "suck it."

- Okay, that's not my favorite.
- Okay. But...

suck it.

There you go. Yeah, see?
Fits perfectly.

- And you look...
- Wrong. Wrong.

Wrong. Just unzip it.
Unzip it,

- unzip it, please, unzip it, unzip it.
- Okay, okay.

Let me guess:

You want to blame the dress
'cause you're scared.

You see your future, wedded,

and it's crushing all the air
out of your lungs,

like you're some character
in Manifest

and this dress is the calling
from the universe

you can't ignore.

Otherwise, why did you survive?

The plane disappeared
for five years,

and then here you are, and ev...

I'm sorry, what?

Oh. Manifest.
Great show.

Uh, but if you
haven't watched it,

this totally doesn't work here.

You know, what,
I can't-I can't breathe.

Yeah, you can't breathe
because your side boobs

are being scooped up
and mashed together

to make one big
glorious front boob.

That's it. There's no
deeper reason than that.

- It's painful.
- There are hundreds of people

downstairs, waiting
to take photos of you,

and you look beautiful.

So, you ready to suck it up
and suck it?

I don't like it when
you say it like that, but yes.

Okay. Go.

Suck it, suck it,
suck it, suck it,

- suck it, suck it, suck it, suck...
- Oh, my God!

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Okay, all right.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no.

Yeah, I am not equipped
to deal with this.

I'm supposed to be on a hike.
I hate hiking,

but it is better
than this garbage. Also,

your ahi tuna cones are bad.

Like, people are gonna
get food poisoning.

- (door opens)
- So you might want to look into that.

(door closes)

- Hi there. Hello.
- Thank you.

Thank you.

- [♪ ♪]
- (indistinct conversations)

Carol! Hey!

- Hi.
- Hope you're enjoying

the hors d'oeuvres.
Sorry for the delay.

- Hey.
- Joel.

- Yeah.
- Uh, this is Bob.

Bob, this is Joel,

- the groom.
- Yes, congratulations.

Yeah. Yeah, uh,
this is exciting, isn't it?

Yeah.

This will be epic.

- You know, what will happen?
- Thank you.

Hopefully, we'll get started
soon, but you know women

and their hair and makeup,
so... they...

Well, 'cause... th-they
make it look really nice,

- is what I... is what I mean, so...
- Yes, yes, yes.

I-I have some eyeliner on
as well, yes.

Makes the eyes pop a bit, yeah.

- Yeah. Thank you.
- So, Joel, what...

- Good champagne.
- What really is the holdup?

- You can tell us.
- She's just a perfectionist,

you know? So...

I'm sure she's working
on her vows.

That's-that's what it is.
The vows.

And, you know, I think
they're serving the wrong apps.

It's supposed to be meatballs.
(short chuckle)

Oh! Uh, there's Aunt Teresa
and her roommate Gwen.

Hi guys. Um, see you guys
at the ceremony, okay? - Bye. Hi!

♪ Heaven and Cindy ♪

♪ To me they're the same... ♪

Hey.

Hello.

Um, are you-are you Felicia,
by any chance? Brit's friend?

Am I?

No, uh, sorry.

Yes.
(laughs)

I'm Felicia, I just... I'm
not sure about the second part.

I'm Peter. I work
at the hospital with Brit.

- Oh, you're a doctor.
- Yeah. Surgeon.

Holy smokes.
(laughs)

- Uh...
- You must be good with your hands.

Uh...

Brit said that
I should find you.

Oh, you're looking
for the hookup?

Yeah, sorry.
That's not my MO today.

Today's about young love,
not getting high, so...

Wait, I'm... I'm-I'm confused.

She just said that
you're great and that

we would really get along.

Seriously?

Yeah.

I was gonna play it cool

and wait until
after the ceremony,

but it is taking a hot minute.

- Yeah.
- So...

want to grab a drink?

Sure, yeah.

You, uh,

you want to know which uncle's
the tushy grabber?

There's two of 'em.
One you'd expect,

- the other... bit of a surprise.
- Oh, wow.

KATE:
You.

You horrible girl from
the bridal shop. I need you.

- I was looking for Brit, actually, so...
- Oh, perfect.

Let me take you right to her.

(short chuckle)

You're so kind.

Hi.
Guess who's here, huh?

Hey.

Hi.

Big day.

Yup.
There's a wedding

- that's supposed to happen.
- (sighs)

So, um...

So, what's going on?
Is it jitters?

'Cause if it is,
you know, Joel is...

Joel's a great guy.
He's...

He's so, um...

boy-boyish and...

he's great with wood.

- And...
- (giggles)

Yeah, he's a sweet, lovely human

who's great with w...

- Wood.
- Okay, I didn't mean it like

that, but if we're honest...

Whatever you're building up
in your head...

Is Joel who you thought
I'd end up with?

No.

No, for a variety of reasons.

But I am, uh... I'm really happy

that you guys are doing this.
You know I mean that.

Um, can you go back
to "no", 'cause...

why did you say no?

Um, I... I don't know.

Joel's... really sweet.

He is.

You're right.

Right? Yeah.
Come on. You're good.

Am I?

Do you think
I should go through with it?

For real?

I'm serious.

I'm lost.

Wow. (Chuckles)
Okay. I didn't, uh...

didn't realize this was, like,
a Runaway Bride situation.

- Oh, God.
- Why don't I get Joel?

- No, no.
- Not that. Why don't I...

You know what?
Um... never mind. Thank you.

Uh, can you just... can you go
get Angeline to come in here?

Yeah, sure.

Sorry, I thought
you wanted to see me.

Yeah, no, I know,
it's just, um...

We don't really work like this.

- Like what?
- You know, you're helping me.

It's just... it's not our thing.

Well, historically,

but it could be now, you know?

- I've been doing a lot of self-work.
- Oh, of course you have.

You're... I mean,
you're good at self-work,

just not other people work.

- Wow. When did this become about me?
- Oh, Sam,

it's always about you.
Can you just...

Can you go?

Mm-hmm.

Totally, yep.

Just... just trying to step up
to the plate, you know?

Be a better friend to you.

You've always been
a really good friend

- to me.
- I haven't been a good friend.

Okay?

I mean, you just... you need me
to be a good person

because
if I approve of you, then...

that means that
you're good too, right?

But honestly,
just knock yourself out,

'cause I'm a piece of shit.
Just... just tell me

- I'm a piece of shit.
- Oh, my God. Listen,

yes, I was upset when I first
found out about you and Joel.

Duh. But I...

We all did our things,

- right?
- I hooked up with Joel

at your dad's shiva,

Okay? I just...
That's when we got together.

When your dad died.

Can you go now, please?
Because I'm tired

of being the good person.
It's your turn now.

Mm.

Good luck with the wedding.

(door opens, closes)

- Samantha! Look who we found. He...
- (indistinct chatter)

He's adorable,
but a little odd.

Uh-huh.
Yeah, he's the best.

Um, I actually need to steal him
for a second.

- James.
- Oh. Okay.

- So, yes, we need to go.
- Oh.

Okay. Yeah, yeah, no problem.
I've just been chilling here,

talking to various people,
charming babies, you know.

Yeah, I just, like,
I can't be at this wedding.

You know, I feel like I'm gonna
barf, like, at any moment.

- It's just a matter of time.
- Oh.

- Oh, yeah, no, no, let's get out of here.
- Thank you.

You're so pretty.

Have you been drinking?

No, no.

Okay, I got a little nervous
and I had...

one drink.

Um...

there's no such thing
as one drink with us.

You know that.

Oh, my God.

Sam.

Sam, Sam, hey, hey.
Hey.

- Come on. Don't leave like this.
- No.

- I did all the stuff, okay?
- Yeah. Yeah.

- I followed the rules, right?
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

We were in this thing together
and now it can't happen.

- We can't happen.
- Yes it can.

- No.
- It can.

I'll go to Club 24/7 tomorrow,

raise my hand as a newcomer,

- we'll be fine.
- A newcomer? Yeah,

you are a newcomer, okay?
This... like, me and you...

- It can't happen now.
- Listen,

I'm not as strong as you.
I took a bite

out of the apple,
I was just... It happens.

Doesn't make me a bad person.

I didn't say
you were a bad person.

Well, it kind of
feels like that. You know?

Like, you're the one
that brought me to this thing.

Knowing that
it could be triggering.

What am I supposed to do?
I don't know what to do.

- You can help me.
- Okay.

Let's go to a meeting right now.

Let's go tomorrow, right?

Let's go after.
Let's go back inside,

make a night out of it.
You know,

it was just a slip,
don't worry about it.

Want me to slip, too?

No, no, I...

I'm just saying this sucks.

You know?
Let's go have fun.

You don't deserve that.
You deserve fun,

- let's go have fun.
- I can't, I can't, I...

I worked too hard for this.
I can't.

Listen, listen, Sam...

S... I love you.

You're drunk.

(engine starts)

♪ Just a matter of time ♪

♪ Figure out what you like ♪

♪ Nobody knows
more than you do ♪

♪ It knows what it needs ♪

♪ What's wrong with maybe? ♪

♪ What's wrong with maybe? ♪

- (knocking on door)
- (scoffs)

- (knocking)
- (grunts)

Hi.

I need you.

- Okay.
- Can I come in?

Are you okay?
What-what happened?

It's, um...

It's been a day
with some difficult choices.

Oh, Brit.

Oh, you bailed on the wedding.

Honestly, it's, like,
not a great look,

but I think it's gonna be fine.

You know, there's no rule
that says, like, you have to

marry someone just 'cause
you said you would, and...

You'll be fine. It's gonna be
crappy for a while, probably,

- but I think you'll bounce back.
- I mean, you're...

Sam.

It's worse now 'cause
I went through with it.

I'm married.

I'm married.

(crying, laughing)

Okay.

Oh, my God.

Oh, boy.

(sobbing)

(game beeping, chiming)

"I'm Not Afraid of Love"
by Sharen Clark & The Product of Time...

♪ I'm ♪

♪ Not afraid of love ♪

♪ No, I'm not afraid
of love ♪

♪ Just because I run away ♪

♪ When you say "I need you" ♪

♪ I'm not afraid ♪

♪ I ♪

♪ Hey, love, love, love ♪

♪ I made up my mind
to stay away ♪

♪ That's my... there ♪

♪ ... they stare
34-inch hair ♪

♪ I know my...
gon' pay my bill ♪

♪ Want me to grip your...
with two hands ♪

♪ I want them shoes right there,
cost a few bands ♪

♪ Uh, turn my baby daddy
to my sugar daddy ♪

♪ He gon' blow a bag
just to make me happy ♪

♪ He just put me in the Lamb',
I'm-a speed fast ♪

♪ In that Rolls Royce truck
where he eat, eat ♪

♪ Booty stickin' out
and I ain't get shots yet ♪

♪ He just put me on a jet
from the projects ♪

♪ If your...
givin' you somethin' ♪

♪ Stick your tongue out ♪

♪ I need a thug, baby,
quick to pull his gun out ♪

♪ I want a rich...
your cheap... ♪

♪ That's my... there ♪

♪ Fat... they stare ♪

♪ Bring out those shoes,
we want both pairs ♪

♪ If all else fails ♪

♪ I know my...
gon' pay my bail. ♪