Shameless (2011–…): Season 9, Episode 5 - Black-Haired Ginger - full transcript

No, absolutely not.

We're not gonna be showing you
a recap of last week

because you were too busy.
Get the hell out of here.

All right, all right,
stop your whining.

Fine, here you go.

If you have a vagina,
you're safe.

- Vagina Safe Zone.
- [Veronica] But--

There's no way we are still
on that rapiest bar list.

Who the hell starts
a new school

with three weeks left
in the school year?

Fucking Satchel Boy.

All right, well,
you guys just relax.

Just die naturally.

I know of no finer candidate
for West Point

than Carl Gallagher.

Damn right, you don't.

- Oh!
- Bitch, I'm not asking.

[Carl] So you're a lesbian?

Yeah, I am.

- I can't do this again.
- Do what?

Falling in love
with a straight girl.

It's too painful.

Just go.

What is this?

Kids are working up
a few ideas

for if you do wind up
in prison.

Gay Jesus kids don't want me
to cop a plea.

Want me to take it to trial,

get as much publicity
for the cause as I can.

Yeah, and what's
your lawyer say?

Could be looking at 10 to 15
if I don't take a deal.

Holy shit, Mo.

- You won.
- [crowd chanting] Mo White...

You're a congressman again.

[both laugh]

My sister says
you have my kid.

Xan.
I want her back.

Do you want
to stay with me here?

Yeah, that'd be good.

Mom?

I knew you'd come back
for me!

♪♪ rock music ♪♪

♪♪ rock music ♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪♪

♪♪ Think of all
the luck you got ♪♪

♪♪ Know that
it's not for naught ♪♪

♪♪ You were beaming
once before ♪♪

♪♪ But it's not like that
anymore ♪♪

♪♪ What is this downside ♪♪

♪♪ That you speak of? ♪♪

♪♪ What is this feeling ♪♪

♪♪ You're so sure of? ♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪♪

♪♪ Round up
the friends you got ♪♪

♪♪ Know that
they're not for naught ♪♪

♪♪ You were willing
once before ♪♪

♪♪ But it's not like that
anymore ♪♪

♪♪ What is this downside ♪♪

♪♪ That you speak of? ♪♪

♪♪ What is this feeling ♪♪

♪♪ You're so sure of? ♪♪

[indie music playing on radio]

[Fiona] How do you listen
to this crap?

This is indie folk country.

It's like if
a bad hipster band

smacked into a truck of cows.

Well, switch it if you want.

♪♪...I'll never part ♪♪

♪♪ Whoa, oh, whoa-oh-oh-oh... ♪♪

[Fiona] Isn't your code
your birthday?

Put it in the American way
or the right way?

♪♪♪♪♪♪

- There. Irish, even.
- ♪♪ It's not a place... ♪♪

Little on the nose.

What, like your accent?

♪♪ To me a sound... ♪♪

You know, U2 is the band

most made love to
in all of Ireland.

Oh, well,

you're in America now, bitch.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

Need a lift to Patsy's?

No, driving myself.

I gotta take Ian
to a meeting with his lawyer.

His plea hearing
is tomorrow.

[Ford] He can't make
his own way?

[sighs]
To his lawyer or in life?

Both.

No.

Grab you from Patsy's
at 2:45, then.

[Fiona] For what?

The Hadid exhibition.

- The Ha-what?
- [Ford] Zaha Hadid.

First female architect
to win the Pritzker Prize.

Blueprints haven't been
public until now?

Oh, shit, is that today?

You fucking with me?

You've been talking about it
nonstop for six months.

Yeah, I'm fucking with you.
I'll meet you there.

Tickets are for 3:30.

If you're late,
they won't let us in.

And where is it?

♪♪ Came here looking... ♪♪

The Art Institute.

That's in Canada, right?

See you at 4:30.

3:30.

Fucking with you.

♪♪ American soul ♪♪

What are you doing, Debs?

Sanding a circle
around my dip canister

so I don't look like a poser.

You are a poser.

[Lip] Jesus, how many more dogs
are down there, Carl?

[Carl] Just Rocco
and Bernice,

and she'll be dead
by the end of the week.

Does anyone know
what cocktail attire is?

It's a little early
for cocktails,

- even for a Gallagher.
- [cell phone chimes]

It's a West Point mixer
this afternoon.

Says I need cocktail attire.

Says it's a suit.

Who goes to drink
in a suit?

Ah, fuck,
Fiona's almost here.

What now?

She wants to take me
to my meeting.

- [Lip and Debbie] Don't do it!
- [Liam] Bad idea.

She thinks I should take
an insanity plea.

Insanity?

Yeah, bipolar.
Off my meds.

How long would you get
for that?

Lawyer thinks two years,
plus probation.

What are your other options?

Well, I could plead guilty,
get a reduced sentence,

five to ten years,

or I could plead innocent...

Well, what about that video
of you blowing up the van?

...and they'll find me guilty,
so I get 10 to 20.

[door opens, closes]

[Fiona] Hi.

Hey.

Oh, what smells
like dead dog?

It's dead dog.

I'm taking care of it.

You ready?

I told you,
I don't need a ride.

Oh, I'm taking Liam to school,
so it's on my way.

- Anybody else?
- [Lip] I'm good.

I'm headed to Patsy's,

trying to make things work
with Alex.

[Fiona] Who's Alex?

My girlfriend.

Your girlfriend?

You gay now?

- Yes.
- No.

[Fiona] Okay.

You two, let's go.
Someone should wash

a dish around here
once in a while.

[Lip] Hey, buddy,
have a good day.

All right, well, ease up,
you drunks. Ladies first.

[Kermit] Can I have a beer, V?

Can I take off
my coat first?

[Veronica] Hands off, Tommy!

Frank?

Hey!

Did you sleep here again?

I-I drank a bit too.

Two bucks?

You drank two bucks'
worth of booze?

No, that's all that's left

from the Mo White
campaign fund.

[woman] You Kevin Ball?

You a health inspector?

Uh, no.
[scoffs]

Jehovah's Witness?

- No.
- IRS?

No.

Then yes, I'm Kevin Ball.

Uh, Alison de Marco,

from the Women's Equality
and Empowerment March.

We're very impressed
with what

you've been doing
with Vagina Safe.

We're looking to add a few men
to our list of march speakers,

and as head
of the Vagina Safe initiative,

you're at the top of our list.

[chuckles]

That dentist who bought
your bike--

check didn't bounce,
did it?

No. Why?

He totaled it already.

Had to strip it for parts.

[Toby] Lip!

A little help?

What is it
with these rich assholes

who can't ride bikes?

Ah! Whoa!

Jesus, Toby.

[Toby laughs]

My bad, man.

Price of victory, dude.

Victory in what?

I do a little street racing.

Slid across the finish line
on my ass, but I won.

Think you can fix it?

Yeah. It's gonna take
a while, though.

No worries.
I got a few backup bikes.

[power surges,
winds down]

What the hell?

[wrench clatters]

[electricity crackling]

That's gonna take a while.

[sighs]
Guess we go home.

Yo.
Come out to a race sometime.

Never know where they are
until the hour before.

- I'll text you.
- All right.

Mo White.

More like
"Mo lily-livered asshole."

Wouldn't take me
to Washington.

Says I'm
a political liability.

So I-I misappropriated

some campaign funds.

He's a child molester,
for fuck's sake.

Frank.

- I'm gonna start a recall.
- Frank.

I put him in there.
I can take him out.

Frank!

Your piss is brown.

Oh.

Yeah.

That is brown.

- [Frank thuds]
- For fuck's sake! Damn it.

Frank?

Uh, Kev?

Fuck you,
necktie piece of shit.

[sighs]

Hey. You headed
to the West Point thing?

Uh, yeah.
What are you doing home?

Uh, there's
a power outage at work.

- You okay?
- Yeah.

And Xan?

Yeah.

Is that Liam's clip-on?

[exhales]
There you go.

And...

- bam, you look good.
- All right?

Yo, I could stay back
and hang out if you want.

No, no, I got a list
of things I wanted to do,

but, uh...go get yourself

a spot at West Point,
all right?

Okay.
All right.

[door closes]

Hey, anybody home?

Cool.

Um, you didn't have
to order all this food.

I wanted to.

I'm not ready to give up
on us just yet.

I know I may be
a new lesbian,

but I think I can be
pretty good at it.

[laughs]
Sorry, you sound like Jasmine.

Who's that?

My second grade girlfriend,

until I found out
she was playing doctor

with Ricardo Jimenez
at naptime.

- [scoffs] What a bitch.
- Mm-hmm.

Not as bad
as Shawnte Watson, though.

She would only
closed-mouth kiss me

while she would tongue-kiss
boys behind my back.

Damn.
Third grade girlfriend?

Second grade still.

No, third grade was, uh,
Ronnie Carson.

She would, uh,
tell her mom

we were getting married.

[Dr. Singh] Your body
is rejecting your liver.

I've been taking
my medication.

You've been on AssimiPro
since your transplant.

After about five years,

it can tend to lose
its efficacy.

I'm going to switch you
to Hepatocycline.

Top of the line,
just approved by the FDA.

Pretty much
zero side effects.

We'll start you on a megadose
and an IV right now,

and then we'll send you home
with some pills.

How much does that cost?

With insurance,
maybe 20 bucks a month.

No insurance.

You don't have insurance?

Correct.

Eh, then you're looking
at two grand a month.

- What? A month?
- Jesus.

You could do the generic,
Hepazone C--

been around
since the '70s.

How much is that?

Around 30 bucks a month.

Great, start me
with a megadose of that,

throw in some Vicodin,
and my interracial friends

and myself will be on our way.

[Dr. Singh] I need to go over
the side effects with you

before you decide
that Hepazone is right for you.

I never met a drug
I didn't like, but hit me.

Here we go.

- Sporadic blindness...
- [Veronica] Blindness?

...paralysis of the face...

Wow.

[Dr. Singh]...skin rashes,

joint pain,
hair loss,

gout, insomnia,
mouth ulcers,

halitosis,
degeneration of the gums,

testicular soreness,

severely heightened
emotional sensitivity...

[scoffs]

...and erectile dysfunction.

His willy won't work?

It's possible.

Oh, no worries, Doc.

No way my member
won't march.

I'll take the generic.

Right, thanks for the ride.

Sure.

[car beeps]

Where you going?

I got a couple minutes
before I gotta be at work.

Ha, no way.
Absolutely not.

I'm not gonna
even say anything.

I'm just gonna listen.

[Fiona] Are you kidding me?

He is pleading insanity.

- End of story.
- If he admits he's bipolar,

suddenly our entire movement
is about mental illness.

[Fiona] So you want him to go
to prison for ten years?

He'll get less
if he pleads guilty.

- Excuse me.
- [Fiona] And even less

if he pleads insanity.

Hey!

Does anyone wanna hear
what my lawyer has to say?

Look, I know this judge.

- [Phil] He understands--
- Excuse me.

If you make him
plead insanity,

you are putting lives
at risk.

Kids all over the world
say Ian saved them.

He put his time in.
Now you save 'em.

They don't want
Gay Mary Magdalene.

They want gay Jesus.

Well, they can't
have him.

He belongs to his family.

[Geneva] This is bigger
than family.

Nothing is bigger than family,

and if you send my brother
to prison for one second

longer than he needs
to be there,

I'm gonna torch a van
with your pixie ass in it.

[sighs]

[coffee percolating]

[coffee maker beeps]

♪♪ funky music ♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪♪

Oh, fuck.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪♪

What can I get for you?

Um,

let me get a pack of Camels.

Um...
you know what?

Let me get a pack
of American Spirits too.

Uh, some Marlboros.

Some, uh--some Winstons.

You know, throw some,
uh, Dunhills in there

and Pall Malls.

I'm thinking
of changing brands.

Thank you.

Are all lesbians
that dramatic?

Where are you going?

- Leave me alone, Fiona.
- Ian--

Stay out of it!

[Kev] So I think I'm gonna

start my speech off
with a joke.

[Veronica] Needing a man
to speak for women,

that's the joke.

Giving us meds
that stop working

and then pricing us out
of the ones that do,

- that's the joke.
- Oh, here we go.

[Frank] Did you hear
that doctor?

She didn't even
wanna tell me

about the generic drug.

Well, just like the great
slaves of the South...

- Oh, don't do that, man.
- All right, Frank,

you need to stop right there.
That's enough.

...decades of forced labor

in the fields
have left us

- Kunta Kinte strong.
- [Kev] Frank.

[Frank] Gonna take more
than a few side effects

to break our spirits.

Swing low, sweet chariot.

♪♪ rock music ♪♪

It's time for the field hands

to rise.

- I'm about to fuck you up.
- Wait, wait, wait, stop.

[Veronica]
What are you doing?

What the fuck are you do--
Get your ass out of my face!

[Veronica] Frank!

♪♪♪♪♪♪

♪♪ It ain't the way ♪♪

♪♪ Almost every night... ♪♪

Nothing.

♪♪ It ain't the way... ♪♪

I got nothing.

♪♪ Yes, every time ♪♪

♪♪ Yes, every time ♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪♪

I mean,
we're high school juniors,

and she's still confused
about her sexuality?

Enjoy your lunch,
you guys.

I mean, how many times can
a heart get broken, you know?

[cell phone chimes]

I can't talk right now,
Fiona.

[Fiona] Are you still
at Patsy's?

Oh, never mind.
I see you.

What's going on?

Ugh. My brother's
going to prison,

and my sister's
losing her shit.

Hi.
Hi.

Alex.
She's cute.

- Can I borrow her for a sec?
- Yeah.

Come on.

I think it's time
for an intervention.

Why doesn't anyone accept
the fact that I'm gay?

No, not you, Ian.

That bitch Geneva
got in his head.

I think he's considering
not taking a plea deal.

- How do you know?
- I was there.

You went into
his lawyer meeting?

That-that's what
"I was there" means.

Tell me you didn't
go all Fiona on him

and tell him
what he's supposed to do.

"Going Fiona" is not a thing.

Trust me.
It's a thing.

Where is he now?

I don't know.
He took off.

He's not answering
calls or texts.

He's a grown man, Fiona.

Sounds like he doesn't want
to talk to you.

Might be time to let go.

♪♪ marching band music ♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪♪

[indistinct chatter]

[marching band music
playing softly]

♪♪♪♪♪♪

[woman laughing]

♪♪♪♪♪♪

[indistinct chatter]

[Major Keefe] Will you
be called to make sacrifices?

Yes, but the pride
you'll earn

in service to this country

will outweigh the loss
you may sustain

at the hands
of our nation's foes.

Enjoy the food,

and with any luck,

we'll be buried side by side
at Arlington one day.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

Want a little spice
in your punch?

What?

Absinthe.

Sure.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

- I'm Kelly.
- Carl.

Are you a candidate
for West Point?

Am I one of these pussies?
No.

Annapolis-bound,
much to the chagrin

of Old Iron Legs there.

Major Keefe?

He's my dad.

Is that a clip-on tie?

Uh, yeah. I don't know
how to tie a real one.

No shit.

- Well, that's interesting.
- [man] Kelly.

Hi.

Hi.

What's your name?

Jackson Ehrenreich.

We met at the cotillion,

fooled around a bit
in the coat check.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

My dick sort of...
bent hard to the left.

Yikes.

Jacob, was it?

Jackson.

- Ehrenreich.
- Right.

That's a different Kelly.

I think I saw her
in the map room earlier.

Straight down that way,
then a hard to the left.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

Douchebag.

I was barely conscious.

Let's go sample Daddy Dearest's
scotch collection.

[Kev] And I'm proud
to defend you women

and all the women of Chicago

against the scourge
on society

that is the clueless man.

#TimesUp, my sisters.

Oh, and #MeToo.
What do you think?

[Frank] You hard, Kermit?

[Kermit] Yup.

- Tommy?
- Oh, yeah.

Great.

You two assholes have stiffies,

and little Frank is turtling.

Maybe that's 'cause
you're watching porn

with Kermit and Tommy.
The usual, Libby?

- It's a workday, ain't it?
- [Kev] Turn that porn off.

We're gonna have to lower
our own Vagina Safe rating.

Are my eyelids moving?

I think my face is paralyzed.

Did you just gargle
with rubbing alcohol?

Yeah. If you had
the dick in your mouth

that I just had in mine,
you would too.

Hey, Libby...

I'm off-duty.

Pay off-duty rates.

[sighs]

Let's get this over with.

[laughs]

[Terry hacks, spits]

Coming.

Hi, Mr. Milkovich.

Mickey's in Mexico.
Fuck off, rectum boy.

I'm not here
to see Mickey.

I'm here to see you.

What, you trying to faggify
all of us?

You don't faggify people.
That's not how--

how much time'd you do
in the pen?

Eighteen years, on and off.

How bad was it?

Depends on your definition
of bad.

Mouth-and ass-rapings--
which you'd probably enjoy--

beatings by the guards,
food sucked--

You were mouth-
and ass-raped?

You kidding?
I did the raping.

Milkoviches don't bottom.

Was Mickey adopted?

Fuck off, Gallagher.

Okay, rapings...

food, guards--
I can handle that shit.

I just need to know if--

Anyone can handle
that shit.

It's the boredom
that'll kill you.

Starts out, you're figuring out
your surroundings.

Then the day-to-day
sets in.

Start reading books,
lifting weights,

fuck a few of the pussy boys
in the yard,

but you're in the same place
with the same assholes,

doing the same shit
every second of every hour

of every day
of every goddamned year.

I was you,
I'd pack my shit and run.

Hi, Satchel Boy.

What do you want, Sissy?

Just wondering
how your day was.

Todd?

Todd?

Shut up!

I'm just-just trying
to be friendly.

♪♪ percussive music ♪♪

My day was fine.

Good, good.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

♪♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh... ♪♪

Don't-don't stop.

I'm starting to feel something.

[moans]

Ugh, fuck this.

I gotta stop.

Why?

Because my neck
is killing me,

my-my knees are hurting...

[crying]

God.

Just give me a few minutes.
We'll go again.

No, it's a side effect
of my liver meds.

- [crying]
- Damn.

It's generic.

I can't afford
the brand name.

[cries]
Here.

No, no, no. I-I--
You keep it.

I didn't get the job done.

No, take it.

[crying]

[kissing sounds]

[marching band music
playing faintly]

♪♪♪♪♪♪

[laughs]

Wanna have sex?

Easy answer, yes,

but Kev made me sign
some form that I wouldn't

fuck anyone who's too drunk
to provide consent.

Who's Kev?

He's the Vagina Safe guy.

Tell Kev I can keep
my own vagina safe.

[laughs]

♪♪♪♪♪♪

Kelly?

Was that a yes?

Ian?

Ian!

- Fuck me.
- [door closes]

Ian?

- [Fiona] Hey.
- Hey.

[Fiona] I've been texting you.

Oh, there's a power outage
at work.

I went for a run.
What's up?

We gotta go find Ian.

He jumped bail. I think he's
skipping out on his hearing.

How do you figure?

He dyed his hair
and his drawers are empty.

Bus station or train station?
Which one you want?

Uh...neither.

Sounds like he doesn't want
to be found.

[Fiona] I don't care
if he wants to be found.

He's a fugitive,
and he's our brother.

He gets caught like this,
he's gonna get sent away

for way longer than ten years.

You're okay
with him risking that?

No, I'm not okay with that,

but it's not up to me.

He's an adult.
He made a decision.

It's the wrong decision.

Did you go all Fiona on him?

That is not a thing.

Look, if you push someone
too hard in one direction,

they're just gonna run
three times faster

- in the other direction.
- Or you can shove them so hard

in the right direction
that they do what's right.

That's why it's called
the right direction.

So bus station
or train station?

Neither.

Fine.

[door closes]

And I think that, like,
make sure we're stapling them

really tight, 'cause remember
at the last rally

when they all fell off?
Yeah.

No, that's how we learned
to not use glue.

Okay, this is all looking
really, really good.

Make sure that
we're stapling it on...

[Alison] Oh, uh, everyone
not speaking at the march,

take a break.

We need the room
for rehearsal.

Women, I would like to welcome
our newest speaker, Kevin Ball,

and his partner, Veronica.

- Welcome, guys. Hi.
- Hello.

[Alison] Uh, Kevin,
glad to have

a man on board who understands
the dangers we women face.

Honored to be a part
of the sisterhood.

[Alison] Now, uh,

audiences at these marches

have zero attention span,

so we've gotta keep
this ship moving.

Let's run a cue-to-cue.

Uh, order's right there.
Stage one.

Each of you stand,
give the first

and last lines
of your speech

so the next person knows
when it's her--or his--

turn to speak.

Charisma,
what's your first line?

[exhales deeply]

Twelve years ago,
I was gang-raped

in a bathroom

near the level two
east concession stand.

[Alison] And last line.

With my family's support,

I can finally get out of bed
during football season.

Applause, applause, applause.
Loyola, that's your cue.

Uh, when I was 16, I woke up
in an alley on my birthday.

[sighs]
Blah, blah, blah.

[sighs]

I'm a stronger woman now,

and I can finally defecate
pain-free.

I got my first abortion
when I was 14.

I was sex-trafficked
at the age of six.

[Grace] I was 13
when I was circumcised.

I just want my clitoris back.

Fuck men.

Fuck 'em up the ass.

Fuck all of them.

[applause]

[Alison] So, Kevin,
when you hear,

"Fuck men. Fuck them up
the ass. Fuck all of them,"

that's when you go.

[clears throat]

♪♪ rock music ♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪♪

Okay, 3:30 group,
you can go in now.

Sir, I'm sorry.

Everyone in this group
has to go in now.

I'm just waiting
for someone.

Is there any way
we can go in the next group?

It's now or never.
Sorry.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

[woman] Come right this way.

Step on, step ahead.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

♪♪ I think I found ♪♪

♪♪ The answer to ♪♪

♪♪ My shaking hands ♪♪

♪♪ Is a steady you ♪♪

♪♪ I think you know ♪♪

♪♪ That what I need ♪♪

♪♪ Is a balanced heart ♪♪

♪♪ To steady me ♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪♪

♪♪ There's a diamond
on an island ♪♪

♪♪ In the middle
of my soul ♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪♪

♪♪ But it's sinking
to the bottom ♪♪

♪♪ Of the salt water ♪♪

♪♪ That is my self-control ♪♪

[cell phone dings]

♪♪ Line upon line ♪♪

♪♪ I read a million words
with nothing to say ♪♪

[Fiona] Fuck!

♪♪ But I feel all right
being lost ♪♪

Fuck.

♪♪ I'm just looking to forget ♪♪

♪♪ The modern age ♪♪

♪♪ I think I found ♪♪

♪♪ The answer to ♪♪

♪♪ My shaking hands ♪♪

♪♪ Is a steady you ♪♪

♪♪ I think you know ♪♪

♪♪ That what I need ♪♪

♪♪ Is a balanced heart ♪♪

♪♪ To steady me ♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪♪

Hey!
What are you doing?

How long are you gonna
be in here?

I need to wash my junk.

[Lip] What, like now?

Like ten minutes ago.

I think I had sex
with a trashy girl.

What do you mean you think?

Uh, it was dark.
Couldn't tell.

How trashy we talking?

Pretty trashy.

Should've heard
these women's stories.

Rapes, beatings--
I had no idea.

If you had no idea,
you've been

walking around
with blinders on.

Do you know
how many times a day

a guy touches me
inappropriately?

Hell, some asshole
on the L yesterday

stuck his nose
in my cooch,

- said he lost his balance.
- What?

[Regina] Yeah.
A guy pulled

my dress off my shoulder
at a club Saturday.

Licked my nipple.

Never seen him before
in my life.

- Jesus.
- [Veronica] I won't get

on an escalator
if I'm wearing a skirt.

I wear a wedding ring
everywhere

to keep the assholes
from bothering me.

All right, we get it.
Christ.

I'm sorry.

Is this stuff
making you boys uncomfortable?

Welcome to womanhood.

What the hell is this?

My phone?

Did you film yourself
fucking me

while I was passed out?

I filmed myself
not fucking you as proof.

Proof of what?

Not fucking you.

You lying piece of shit!

[yells]

Why didn't you just
leave me here?

I didn't want you
to choke on your own puke.

- Bullshit!
- [groans]

You're just like

those rich pricks downstairs
who think girls

are their personal fuck toys.

Your clip-on tie
is gonna hurt way worse

than a real one
when I shove it 12--ah!

♪♪ energetic rock music ♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪♪

♪♪ Ah ♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪♪

[exhales deeply]

[Major Keefe] What's going on?

♪♪♪♪♪♪

♪♪ Ooh-ah ♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪♪

[video game beeping]

You got a knife?

What are you doing?

Electroshock therapy.

I saw it on TV.

It works.
There are studies.

Come here.

Rich people pay a lot of money
for expensive paddles.

We're doing it
the Gallagher way.

When I tell you,

you plug that in.

Wait.

Wait, wait.

Here.

Put these on.
The rubber will protect you.

And, uh,

turn around.

No boy should see
his father like this.

Ready? Do it!

Really?

What, did I stutter?
I said--

[electricity surges]

Should we start this thing?

Well, is there anyone else
coming or...

It's the afternoon.

Maybe everyone's
stuck at work.

Yeah, we're a bunch
of alcoholics.

What's the likelihood of us all
holding down jobs?

Shorter meeting
would be better anyway.

Need to get to a gig.

What do you do?

I'm a sober companion.

A what?

I'm a babysitter for drunks.

If an addict has something
coming up

need to stay sober for,

I keep them away
from the booze.

They pay you?

I'm getting 100 bucks
to keep some teacher dry

before an annual review.

I got five grand

to keep
a prep school quarterback

sober during
recruitment season.

Anyway,

should we review the steps
and get out of Dodge?

Yeah, let's do it.

[grunts]

[Alex] I swore, I swore,

I wouldn't take her back again,
and...

after I took her back
the third time--

- Debbie?
- Mm.

Did you hear anything
I just said?

Yeah.

- No.
- Jesus!

[sighs]
I'm sorry.

We've just been sitting here
for eight hours.

I don't like talking
about my feelings.

It's called lesbianism, Debbie.
It's what we do.

I thought sex with women
is what lesbians do.

Yeah, and you're bad
at that too.

So do you guys wanna hear
the dinner specials?

No, we do not.
Thanks.

Come on, Franny.

Are you kidding me?

I'm supposed to pay
for all this food

- we ate?
- I don't know.

Why don't you spend
the next eight hours

talking it over with yourself

and let me know
what you decide?

You make me want cock again!

Hi.

How were the blueprints?

I don't know.

Couldn't see anything
through my blinding rage.

I'm so sorry.
Ian went AWOL

after his lawyer meeting, and--

[Ford] And?

Well, I had
to go look for him.

Why?

What do you mean why?

Because he's my brother.

Your adult brother.

He's not your
responsibility, Fiona.

The only responsibility
you had today

was to come
to an architecture exhibit

that I bought tickets to
six months ago.

That was your
responsibility.

You're gonna lecture me
about responsibility,

Mr. Lone Wolf,
"I never loved anything

that didn't involve
reclaimed wood"?

You don't have brothers
or sisters.

You left your mother
in Ireland.

You fathered children
all over the world

that you seemingly feel
no obligation to take care of,

so when in your life

have you ever felt
responsibility

- to anyone?
- Now.

- Yeah, to who?
- To you.

[Dr. Singh] You've got a few
first-degree burns

in your scrotal
and penile regions

but no permanent damage
to the twig and/or berries.

We're gonna keep you overnight,
just to monitor

for any irregularities
in your heartbeat,

but you should be able
to go home tomorrow.

[Veronica] Thanks, Doctor.

Thanks for nothing.

My dick's not only soft.
It's charred.

Looks like a Fourth of July
barbecue down there.

You better get
your shit together, Frank.

Kev and I are not
gonna spend our lives

running you back and forth
to the hospital

every time Liam calls--
not for your liver

and definitely not
for your penis.

Don't blame me.
Blame the aristocracy.

Poor people have sex,
Veronica, a lot of it,

because you know why?
It's free.

You pay for movies.
You pay for beer...

- You don't pay for beer.
- [Frank]...but if you're

a halfway decent-looking
person,

you can get laid,

but the aristocracy

doesn't want poor people
getting laid

because that means
more poor people being born,

so they take our erections.

They jack up the prices
of the drugs that work

and push us into drugs
that steal our manhood.

An erection does not
make a man.

Making good choices
makes a man,

and right now,
you have to choose

between your penis
and your liver,

and, Frank,
make the right choice.

♪♪ rock music ♪♪

Come on, baby.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

[sighs]

[sighs]

Lesbianism fucking sucks.

Why is there a lamp
on the floor?

Women fucking suck.

Why does it smell
like burnt human in here?

[knock at door]

Hi, Satchel Boy.

[Liam] Sissy?

What are you doing here?

[sighs]
Moving in.

Um, why?

[Sissy] 'Cause you need
to provide

for your family, asshole.

[Liam] Why?

I'm pregnant.

[video game noises]

She doesn't even
look pregnant.

Well, she took
a pregnancy test.

She's definitely pregnant.

And you guys are sure
you actually had sex?

No.

When did this happen?

Today.

Today?

Then it can't
be yours, right?

No.

It's not yours, Liam.

What should we do?

Throw her out.

She could be armed.

She's definitely armed.

[video game noises]

[Debbie] I say we wait
until Lip comes back.

- What are you doing now?
- I gotta get

the rest of the dead dogs
out of the basement.

Could you watch Franny for me?
I got stuff to do.

- Lesbian stuff?
- Fuck off.

And hey,
keep an eye on them.

Make sure they don't bone
anymore.

[Sissy] Hey, Satchel Boy,
come rub

your baby mama's feet.

What do I do?

Pfft.
Dude, I'd go rub her feet.

[rock music playing
over speakers]

♪♪ Just go on
and take a dip... ♪♪

Where are your
pie-eating buddies?

I'm, uh, flying solo tonight.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

You wanna change things up?

You know, maybe try
some Jell-O instead?

Ah, no.
Pie-pie's good.

Thank you.

♪♪ I'm doing fine... ♪♪

[cell phone dings]

♪♪ I wake up in the morning ♪♪

♪♪ I'll be all right ♪♪

Oh, you guys
have a kid too.

Oh, we should have
a playdate sometime.

- Sorry?
- Who are you?

I'm Debbie.

Gallagher?
Fiona's sister?

Right, hi.

Yeah?

So...

Uh, how did you guys know
that you were lesbians?

- Really?
- Wow.

Jesus Christ.

You're a lesbian?

Uh...

What are all those keys for?

I don't know.

So confusing.

What is confusing about it?
You either like girls,

or you don't.

I thought I did,

- but Alex--
- [Nessa] Who's Alex?

My ex-girlfriend.

She says I'm bad
at lesbianism.

- That's--okay...
- I don't even know

what that means.

All right.

- Look at me.
- Oh, here we go.

♪♪ Boom, boom, boom ♪♪

Are you thinking
about my pussy right now?

I wasn't, but...

♪♪ Boom, boom, boom ♪♪

♪♪ Boom, I pulled the trigger ♪♪

♪♪ On the shotgun ♪♪

♪♪ I think you better start
to run ♪♪

♪♪ Away from me ♪♪

♪♪ Boom, you don't have to... ♪♪

You like that?

♪♪ Stay here anymore ♪♪

♪♪ Boom, close the door
behind you... ♪♪

Then that's all the lesbian
you need to be.

♪♪ Boom, boom, boom... ♪♪

She means you like
what you like,

and none of the rest of it
matters, okay?

[sighs]

♪♪ Run away ♪♪

♪♪ Boom, boom, boom ♪♪

♪♪ Boom, boom, boom ♪♪

♪♪ When you leave ♪♪

The fuck?

[engine turns over, revs]

- [Kelly] Hey.
- Jesus. Oh.

Please don't hurt me.

I'm not gonna hurt you.

What are you burying?

Dog.

So this is where you live, huh?

Yeah, uh,
how'd you find me?

Looked you up
in the candidate roster.

- [Kelly] Cute house.
- [Carl] Not really.

I watched the video
on your phone.

How'd you find the password?

Maybe don't use
your house number.

Well, how else am I supposed
to remember where I live?

You definitely had sex
with some girl and filmed it,

but it wasn't me.

That was my ex, Kassidi.

So you're single?

Yeah?

You're an officer
and a gentleman,

Carl Gallagher.

[laughs softly]

[engines revving]

[Toby] Oh-ho-ho, shit.

Look who showed up!

- What's going on, man?
- What up?

- How you doing?
- Hey, Billy,

let me get that jacket.

I know you didn't come here
to watch, did you?

Wait right over there,

by that bike.

[engines revving]

- Ready?
- [engine revs]

Ready?

[engines rumbling]

[engines zooming]

[people yelling indistinctly]

♪♪ Stay away ♪♪

♪♪ From all men ♪♪

♪♪ 'Cause we're
terrible people ♪♪

What are you doing?

[Kev] The girls couldn't sleep.

Don't you have
to finish your speech?

Yeah, I'm gonna tell them
I'm not gonna do it.

Nothing I can say
is gonna mean as much

as what they have to say.

You think?

I wanna hug all women...

...all of them,

everywhere I see them,

to apologize.

A random hug
from a giant white stranger

ain't gonna make us feel
any more comfortable

about men.

♪♪ rock music ♪♪

You gotta go balls to the wall
to that red building,

but then you gotta
roll off the throttle quick.

Otherwise,
you'll throw yourself

into the live intersection.
Got it?

Got it.

Let's go, let's go, let's go!

[engines rev]

Ready?
Ready?

[engines zooming]

♪♪ rock music ♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪♪

♪♪ I've got you, New York ♪♪

♪♪ On my mind ♪♪

♪♪ On my mind ♪♪

♪♪ Yeah, on my mind... ♪♪

Hey.

More indie folk country?

Can switch it if you want.

It's fine.

[Ford] Where you been?

Looking for Ian.

Did you find him?

No.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

- I'm gonna...
- [Ford] Yeah.

♪♪ Now and then you know ♪♪

♪♪ It feels a little better ♪♪

♪♪ Hon ♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪♪

♪♪ It's a little bit easier
to say your name... ♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪♪

I shouldn't have
asked you to choose

between an art exhibit
and your brother.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

Turns out, he didn't want me
choosing him.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

You're right.

He's not a kid anymore.

He doesn't need me.

I don't know
if any of them do.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

Would it help
if I needed you?

You don't need me.

I do.

I need you to save me

from my horrible
musical proclivities.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

Well...

you can start
by skipping this shit.

Done.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

[music stops]

- [rustic music playing]
- [laughs]

♪♪♪♪♪♪

[Ford] ♪♪ Tell me everywhere
you want to go ♪♪

♪♪ When you can't ♪♪

♪♪ Find the magic ♪♪

♪♪ Tell me anywhere
you want to go ♪♪

♪♪ When you can't ♪♪

♪♪ Find the magic ♪♪

♪♪ When you can't ♪♪

♪♪ Find the magic ♪♪

♪♪ I was being young ♪♪

♪♪ I was being dumb ♪♪

♪♪ When you can't
find the magic ♪♪

♪♪ Anymore ♪♪

You're awful.

♪♪ Yee-hee-hee ♪♪

♪♪ Whoo-hoo-ooh ♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪♪

♪♪ Yee-hee-hee ♪♪

[Lip] It's a good look
for you.

[Ian] Mm.

[sighs]

[Lip] So you didn't run.

Oh, no, I ran.
I just ran back.

The hell happened to you?

Oh, I slid through
the finish line on my ass.

Huh?

Don't worry about it.

You know, you really
freaked out Fiona today.

Yeah.

She deserved it, though.

Should I tell her you're back?

No, let her sweat it out.

Okay.

Xan gone for good?

Probably.

You know, I never even got
to see you in action

as a dad.

Imagine how much
you're gonna miss

if you're gone
for the next ten years.

Yeah. Debbie may or not
be married to a woman.

Carl'll be a war criminal.

Liam will be the father
of a ten-year-old.

Huh?

He thinks he got
a girl pregnant.

Well, fuck me.
Did he?

- No. It'd be great, though.
- Jesus.

Fiona'd have
a new kid to control.

Maybe she'd let up
on us.

Doubtful.

Frank?

Dead.

You?

Still in AA,

if I haven't drunk myself
to death.

Hey, do me a favor.

- Hmm?
- Don't.

[Kendra] Need anything else
before we kick you out of here?

I'm in considerable pain,
actually.

Uh, do you have something
that might help?

Vicodin, maybe?

Says here
not to give you drugs.

Where's it say that?

[woman] Fucker!
Get me a bear!

[Kendra] Fifty-two-year-old
female, Ingrid Jones,

psychotic break
of undetermined origin.

[Dr. Garcia] Get me
50 milligrams more

of Thorazine
and some benzodiazepine

to room 267.

[Ingrid yelling]

- Are you the next of kin?
- Sure.

The Thorazine's kicking in,
so she's calm for now.

If anything happens,
just hit the red button

by the bed, yes?

Yes.

You might send up
some Vicodin.

She responds well to that.

Okay, thank you.

[Ingrid] Hey.
Looking for Vicodin?

Always.

Got some in my pocket.

We could do
the "one for you,

two for me" thing.

Come on, reach on in there.

Well, I, um...

Sure.

Which pocket?

It's the front right.

♪♪ smooth music ♪♪

Um, I'm not feeling...

Yeah, go deeper.

[laughs]

You smell nice.

Mm.

Thanks.

Uh, I c--I can't find it.

Um, hey,
why don't you

just, um, undo this belt
and I'll-I'll get it?

No, I don't think
I should do that.

Oh, come on.

You think I could actually
get out of here

if you just undo one?

♪♪♪♪♪♪

Okay.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

Oh, God.

[grunting]

♪♪ Oh, no... ♪♪

Oh!

Say you're sorry, Timmy!
Say you're sorry!

[yipping]

Mwah!

That's for Sara Beth,
you fucker!

[groans]

[screams]

♪♪♪♪♪♪

[laughs]

♪♪♪♪♪♪

[man] We got a runner! Hey!

♪♪♪♪♪♪

Well, hello, old friend.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

Hey there, Shim.

Haven't heard from you
in a while. Just...

figured I'd try you
one last time

before heading
into the slammer.

Sort of why
I'm reaching out here.

If you could just...

talk to me

one last time,

let me know
what you think I should do,

I would
really appreciate that.

[Lip] Hey.

You ready?

All right.

♪♪ somber rock music ♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪♪

I hate your hair.

So do I.

- [laughter]
- [Debbie] It's not that bad.

[Carl] It looks the exact same.

Ride with me?

[indistinct chatter]

Hey.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

Whatever you wanna do
in that courtroom,

I'm with you.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

Thanks.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

You coming?

Want me to?

You gonna say anything?

No.

♪♪♪♪♪♪

[indistinct chatter]

- [man] Excuse me.
- [man] Uh-huh.

[bailiff] All rise.

[judge] Please be seated.

So you're this Gay Jesus
I've heard so much about.

[laughs]
Uh,

no, no, Your Honor.

Uh, I mean yes, but...

my name is Ian Gallagher.

All right, Mr. Gallagher.
In the case

of the state of Illinois
versus Ian Gallagher

for the felony crime

of arson,
how do you plead?

[Ian] Your Honor,
a young man

was being forced
into a van

against his will

to be taken
to a conversion camp.

His would-be captors
wanted to deny him

of his true nature, and I
stopped that from happening,

so I will not apologize
for that,

and the people
who were trying to change him

were his family,
people who were supposed

to love him
for who he was

unconditionally,
like my family...

[choking up] has loved me.

And to not love--

that is the true crime.

And at the end of the day,
everything I did,

I did in the hopes

that we would learn
to love each other

the way that Jesus taught
and God intended,

and, more importantly,
the-the way that we all need.

But I understand
there are laws,

and I broke one.

I set fire to a van,
and in doing so,

I turned what I intended
to be a movement of love

into a movement of anger.

Went too far, Geneva.

I was crazy to let it go
as far as I did.

Truth is, I am bipolar,

I was off my medication,

and I was in a manic state
in which I was not

in control
of my faculties, so...

I plead not guilty
by reason of insanity.

[crowd yelling]

- [gavel bangs]
- [judge] Order! Order!

Any more of that, and I will
clear out this courtroom.

♪♪ Ain't nothing wrong
with loving my baby ♪♪

♪♪ Ain't nothing wrong with
loving my baby ♪♪

[Liam] Are you sure
I'm not the father?

[Lip] No, you're not, Liam.

God, how much
did you give her?

Just enough
to keep her out for a while.

I think we gave her
too much.

[Liam] She looks dead.

Sissy?

See, she's fine.

♪♪ Ain't nothing wrong
with loving my baby ♪♪

♪♪ Ain't nothing wrong with
loving my baby ♪♪

All right, go, go, go, go, go.

♪♪ Ain't nothing wrong
with loving my baby ♪♪

♪♪ Ain't nothing wrong with
loving my baby ♪♪

♪♪ She looks good ♪♪

♪♪ She makes me feel
all right ♪♪

♪♪ There ain't nothing wrong ♪♪

♪♪ With loving my baby ♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪♪

♪♪ Ain't nothing wrong ♪♪

♪♪ With loving my baby ♪♪