Shameless (2011–…): Season 6, Episode 8 - Be a Good Boy. Come for Grandma - full transcript

What, you missed
another episode?

You believe this guy?

What the fuck?

Asshole.

What the hell is going on?

Upgrading the crib since
it's technically mine now.

Uh, not with my name
on the deed, it's not.

My money, it is.

[Fiona] Your homey Nick
put you up to this?

[Carl] Nick's gone.

What'd you do?

[woman screaming]

[Nick] Called the cops.

You better split.

[siren wailing]

- [Chuckie] Grandma!
- [laughs]

Queenie?

Who is this thick gypsy woman
I make drinks for?

That southern fried pork chop

is the key to my survival
around here.

If not for her,
anarchy would rule in my house.

How about we spend the night
at your place?

How about you move in?

Seriously?

Congratulations.

You're the new houseboy
of Gamma Delta Rho.

Great.

Helene!

Look, I just...
I just want to talk!

Helene!

♪ Think of all
the luck you got ♪

♪ Know that
it's not for naught ♪

♪ You were beaming
once before ♪

♪ But it's not like that
anymore ♪

♪ What is this downside ♪

♪ That you speak of? ♪

♪ What is this feeling ♪

♪ You're so sure of? ♪

♪

♪ Round up
the friends you got ♪

♪ Know that
they're not for naught ♪

♪ You were willing
once before ♪

♪ But it's not like that
anymore ♪

♪ What is this downside ♪

♪ That you speak of? ♪

♪ What is this feeling ♪

♪ You're so sure of? ♪

[bell clanging]

Tribe!

Breakfast!

♪ Upbeat rock music ♪

Good morning.

- Morning.
- Why are we in here?

We eat in the dining room
like civilized people.

Since when?

Since Queenie.

Have a seat.

Let's get you
your flaxseed oil pills.

Good for the heart.

Mmm.

Good for the hair,

your colon,

Daddy,

prostate, yeah,

and your baby.

[cooing]

Quinoa pancakes and yucca fries.

What the hell is a quinoa?

Yucca fries sound yucca.

Yeah, I'm just gonna go
to Mickey D's.

I'm gonna study
at my boyfriend's.

Carl, can you give me a ride
to the baby store?

[crashing]

Come back now.

Look, your father went
to great lengths

to prepare this breakfast
for you with love.

So you're gonna sit your little
asses down and enjoy it.

Need to have
a little more respect

for this man right here.

Yeah, you hear that?

♪ Help me ♪

♪ I think I'm falling ♪

[both] ♪ In love again ♪

- Join us.
- I don't know the words.

[both] ♪ When I get
that crazy feeling ♪

♪ I know I'm in trouble again ♪

I don't want to know the words.

- Fake it.
- [both] ♪ I'm in trouble ♪

♪ 'Cause you're a rambler
and a gambler ♪

♪ And a sweet-talking
ladies' man ♪

- [laughter]
- [knocking at door]

- [Frank] ♪ Do, do, do ♪
- [both] ♪ Do, do ♪

[both imitating instruments]

[both vocalizing]

[both imitating instruments]

[both vocalizing]

[knock at door]

♪ Help me ♪

♪ I think I'm falling ♪

♪ In love too fast ♪

♪ Got me worrying
about the future ♪

♪ And thinking about the past ♪

What the fuck?

And you are?

Lamar.

Is Carl here?

He's enjoying breakfast
with his family.

- Come back some other time?
- I got it, Frank.

[Frank] ♪ I've seen some hard,
hard cases come down to ♪

♪ Smoke and ash ♪

♪ Ba da-da-da-da-da ♪

Haven't checked in lately,
white boy.

Where the fuck you been at?

Been here and there.

G-Dogg got a shipment
coming through tomorrow.

Need you to run it.

I think I'ma sit this one out.

Sit this one out?

[scoffs]

You a comedian?

No.

You think you can just
tag in and out

like a little girl
playing Chinese jump rope?

You in this game for life,
motherfucker,

so get your ass to the spot
tomorrow morning.

♪ Dramatic hip-hop music ♪

♪

[door closes, car departs]

♪

Whoo.
[sighs]

- [door thuds]
- Hey!

Holy crap.
It's so cold out there.

Well, I am cooking up a feast
that'll warm you guys up.

Hey, Will.
How was your flight?

You got your shoes off?
Say hi to Fiona.

You're wearing Dad's sweatshirt.

[Sean sighs]

[Sean] You know, he's getting
bullied at school.

Wants to go to a private one
I can't afford, and...

[sighs]

He's also not that psyched
that you're here.

Since when?

He's never had a problem
with me before.

Since you moved in.

I just told him
on the drive over.

I could go home for a while.

Yeah, good idea.
Go home.

No, wait, you already are home.

I don't want him
to have a miserable visit.

That's on him.

Okay, you go to work
and I'll try to get him

out of your bedroom.

How?

I'm used to my siblings
hating on me lately.

I think I can handle
a ten-year-old.

Plus, Frank and Monica were
always switching out partners,

so I know what
he's going through.

♪ Rock music ♪

I kind of love you right now.

♪

You better.

♪

♪ It's how you move
your hips... ♪

[laughs]

♪ Shaking them around... ♪

Your queen doth love what you do
with your scepter, King Frank.

[both laugh]

Oh, God.

Your king...

is about to blow his load
into your moat, my queen.

[both laugh]

One thing before you do,
my regal stallion.

Huh?

Pray tell, my love.

Huh?

What?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[laughs]

Oh, yeah.

We're almost out of shillings.

Oh, you tell me that now?

Well, I'm gonna have
to go back to the commune

and get more organic produce
and sell it.

I'll get money.
I'll get money.

Okay.

I'll get you money.

- Okay.
- I'll get money.

Proceed with your manly
duties, my lord.

- Yes.
- Oh, fuck me.

[Queenie moaning]

[Frank groans]

[Frank] I'm coming
my brains out.

[groaning]

[both laughing]

♪

Oh.

[sighs]

Oh, my God.

Oh, God.

You.

[Frank and Queenie sighing]

[Queenie] Come in.

Frank, I need to talk to you.

[Queenie sighs]

I will leave the king
and the prince

to do their business.

It smells gross in here.

That, my son,
is the beautiful stench

of animal, lust, and earth.

I'm glad you came by.

I need an advance
on my daily allowance.

I don't have any money.
Stopped doing my rounds.

Well, start doing them again.

Who else is gonna be
the breadwinner?

That's why I came here
to talk to you.

Need to get out of the game.

Gallaghers don't quit.

Nick got sent to the tank.

Well, every business
comes with risk.

That's what you get
the big bucks for.

I like the money,

the respect,

and the honeys.

But I don't like never seeing
my friend again.

I'm gonna give it to you
straight, son.

Sit down.

- Ew.
- Oh, yeah.

Sorry.

It's not your choice
if you stay in the game or not.

It's your birthright.

Lamar says G-Dogg
has a shipment

coming in tomorrow
that I have to deliver.

Lamar's a smart man.

He sees something special in you
like I do.

I don't want to do it.

Tell you what I'm gonna do.
Where's your book?

You take the day off.

Get your head on straight
for tomorrow.

I'll do your rounds today.

Yeah?

Whew, that gash is something.

That's gonna need stitches.

[muffled pop music playing]

♪

[groans]

Hey.

You left the party early.

Yeah, wasn't that...

Was an hour ago?

Yeah, well, I thought
I'd bring the party to you.

- Yeah?
- I hope you don't mind.

No, not at all.

[groans]

Our Maui Wowie night
is epic, huh?

Yup.

- Is everything okay?
- Yeah, yeah, shh.

Just, you know, give me...
give me... give me a second, yeah?

Are you not into me?

This why you've been
avoiding me?

No, no, you know, I am...

I am into you.

You know, you're... you're...
you're hot.

Um...

you know, I think it's just,
uh... it's early.

[clears throat]
You know, and I'm... I'm...

I'm tired, you know?

Pretty--pretty stressed.

[groaning]

I just got, uh... got a lot
going on in my mind, so...

I got to make breakfast
for the house.

Um, look, can we, uh...

you know, take a rain check?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

Okay.

♪

MCI, multiple-casualty incident.

DCAP-BTLS, uh...

an acronym used to remember
soft-tissue injuries

to look for during
a traumatic injury assessment.

D, deformities.

C, contusions.

A, abrasions.

P, punctures.

B, bruises.

T, tenderness.

L, lacerations.

S, swelling.

DCAP-B...

What are you smiling at?

I like having you over here.

What are you smiling at?

I like having a purpose.

Studying to be an EMT,

feels like I'm back
to my old self.

Meaning?

Skeletons.
Closet.

[knocking on door]

Hey, Will.

I was looking online.

They're letting people test-ride
those Segway things

without the handle bars.

Hoverboards.

Right, that's what it said.

You want to go to the store,
try them out?

Get what you're doing,

trying to play nice-y nice
and be my new mommy.

Hey, I have no interest
in being your mommy.

You have a great one.

Just looking for something
to do today.

Have fun.

Well, I'd rather go hang out
with you.

Get to know you better.

Not interested.

Fine.

Then we can just go
ride the Segway things

while we glare at each other
and not talk.

'Kay.

♪ Hard rock music ♪

♪

Do you take walk-ins?

♪

So you gonna tell me
what happened?

No.

Why not?

You'll tell Fiona.

What's wrong with me
telling her?

She freaks out about everything.

What if I promise
not to say anything to her?

Why do you want to know anyway?

Because you've been running
your ass around here

like a black Scarface,
and I care about you, okay?

Just got hit, that's all.

By whom?

Guy I know.

Any particular reason?

'Cause I don't want to work
with him anymore.

And he clocked you for that?

Mm-hmm.

Get out of that shit
you're involved in,

you hear me?

Now.

I got it handled.

[light instrumental music
playing]

♪

Hello.

Hi.
[chuckles]

Registering for a baby shower?

Hopefully someone
will throw me one.

[both chuckle]

♪

- Could I ask you a question?
- Sure.

Just trying to decide between
these two swings for my sister.

She's about to have a baby.

Okay.

I've got it narrowed down
to the Mommaroo

and the Snugamonkey.

[both laugh]

Any thoughts on which one
I should get?

[sighs]
Um...

♪

Well, this one has five
swing settings, and...

Mm-hmm.

This one plays
16 different songs.

I wish they made
an adult version of these.

- Oh, I know, right?
- [laughs]

It'd be nice to sit in a swing
all day.

Or be wrapped up in a swaddle.

[laughs]
Yeah, I know.

I'd go for this one.

Seems like it'll last longer.

Mommaroo it is.

Thanks for your help.

You're welcome.
[chuckles]

♪

[muffled laughter]

[sighs]

[sighing]

[groans]

[man and woman panting]

Okay.

[man and woman panting]

Fuck, come on.

[man and woman panting]

[man and woman groaning]

Damn it.

[man speaking indistinctly]

[man] Come on.

[man and woman groaning]

All right.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Okay.

[exhales sharply]

There we go.

[sighs]

Oh, hey!

Hi.

We keep running into each other.

Must be kismet.

Yeah.

Hey, thanks a lot for your help.

I'll let you know how
the Mommaroo works out.

Cool.
[chuckles]

Wait, how are you gonna do that?

Right.

Yeah, I don't have your number.

I don't even know your name.

- Debbie.
- I'm Larry.

Hi.
[chuckles]

Here.

Put your info in my phone,

and I'll text you after
my sister opens her present.

Cool.

What you got going
for the rest of the day?

Uh, just going back to school.

Here you go.

You got time for lunch?

What?

Well, there's a place
across the street,

and I can thank you properly.

Okay, sure.

♪ Hip-hop music ♪

♪

♪ I found my side,
come and get it ♪

♪ Must've worked on,
clean him up ♪

♪ Fucking with a grown man ♪

♪ All my Bens
stayed in my hole-y ♪

♪ Till these suckers
try and hold me ♪

♪ I'ma kill 'em
with my own hands ♪

♪ They keep
pulling me back ♪

♪ I found my side,
come and get it ♪

♪ Must've worked on,
clean him up ♪

♪ Fucking with a grown man ♪

[bells jingle]

♪

Good afternoon, young man.

Can I help you?

I have inherited
my son's security business.

What?

For a modest price,
he has kept you safe

from any misdoings
in the neighborhood,

and now I'm filling in
while he's on sabbatical.

Are you kidding me?

I jest you not, sir.

You come in here
with your hair all knotted up

and I'm just gonna
hand you money?

That was the plan.

The only reason I paid
that shithead son of yours

was because of the man
he had with him outside.

Oh, what man?

The big scary black man.

Your feces of a son
threatened that he'd come in,

cause me harm.

So I forked over the money.

Screw protection
against the neighborhood.

I need protection
against the scary black man.

Thank you.

I'll be back.

[bells jingle]

Your son's pretty good at this.

Oh, he's not...

Yeah, he's... he's good.

Hey, buddy, you did great.

- This thing is so cool, man.
- Right?

I was just telling your mom
you're a pretty quick learner.

Oh, I... his words, not mine.

You want to give it a try?

I... no.
I don't think I can do it.

Come on, yes, you can.
It's easy.

[sighs]
Okay.

One foot at a time.

Okay.

Whoa, Will!

There you go.

You're gonna hear a click.

That's just
the wheels activating.

[yells]

[laughs nervously]

- There you go.
- Oh, my God.

- There you go.
- Okay.

Whoa, this is so freaky.

Now think about going
in a circle.

[whimpers]

Whoa.

That's crazy.
How did that happen?

Reads your brain.

[laughing]
No, it does not.

He's right.

Wow, that is so cool.

[Will] Told you.

Whoa-ho-ho!

Space age!

Oh, hey!
My baby girls.

What are you guys doing here?

I thought you were going
to the park.

- Wanted to tell you something.
- That you love me?

That and Carl came by
this morning.

He had a big gash over his eye
that he wanted me to sew up.

What happened?

His gang shit.

That stupid dumbass.

He seemed scared, Kev.

Made me swear that
I wouldn't tell Fiona.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

That's why you're here.

Well, we have to do something.

No, you want me to do something.

I promised I wouldn't
say anything.

You know I can't keep secrets!

Exactly.

So you'll tell Fiona.

God damn it, V.

Love you, Kev.

[men speaking indistinctly]

[man] That's real.
There's something to it.

I need a scary-looking
black man.

The fuck did you just say,
cracker?

The eggplant parm is fantastic.

I've never had
eggplant parmesan before.

Then it's settled.

Two eggplant parmesans.

So tell me about yourself.

Um, I just need to get something
out of the way first.

Oh, no.

You have a boyfriend.

No!
No, not at all.

I mean, no.
[chuckles]

Okay, good.

Um...

you know I'm pregnant, right?

Seven months.

What?

You are?

I just thought
that was a beer belly.

[chuckles]
You're messing with me?

I am.

So you're fine with it?

[chuckles]
Of course.

Now will you please
just tell me about yourself?

Well, what do you want to know?

Anything.

What's your family like?

Big.
Crazy.

Whose family isn't?

There's five of us kids.

- We have six.
- Wow.

Well, six and a half
if you count Chuckie.

Where do you fall in the lineup?

Middle.

Me too.

Middle child syndrome, huh?

Yeah.
Feel invisible sometimes.

Yeah, like you could just
not show up one day

and no one would notice.

Exactly.

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

I get why you're pissed off
I moved in.

When I was a kid, my parents
used to like to play

partner roulette a lot.

Together, apart, together,

and when they'd break up,
one of them would bring home

a new mommy or daddy

for a few weeks.

This one guy was such an asshole

that my brother Lip and I
planted weed on him

and then we called the cops.

We got him busted.

Oh, yeah?

Go ahead, kid.

Try it.

[laughs]
Get me arrested.

Next thing you know,

you'll be crying
'cause you miss me so much.

[cell phone buzzing]

[siren wailing in distance]

[Ian] Thanks for the ride.

Bet you're the hottest
EMT student in there.

There's this Turkish guy.
A lot of body hair.

Oh, I stand corrected.

I'll get his number for you.

Thanks.

Hey, what are you doing
tomorrow?

What you got in mind?

Going to lunch and a movie
with some friends.

Want to join?

That sounds normal.

- That a bad thing?
- No, not at all.

I'm en...
I'm enjoying normal lately.

Skeletons?

No.

No, just new.

Hope you like my friends.

A couple of them can be
real mean queens.

I'm pretty sure I can handle it.

One's my ex.

You cool with that?

Looking forward
to making him jealous.

Hey, I'll text you
with the time and place.

That's disgusting.

[siren wailing in distance]

- The fuck you say?
- Wait, Ian!

- Huh?
- Hey, Ian!

Leave it.

Huh?

It's not worth it.

Yeah.

♪ Upbeat rock music ♪

I understand.

I understand,
but what are we gonna do

when that fella right there
comes in?

'Cause he's got a temper
like you can't believe.

Oh, now you're talking.

This is very intelligent.

Don't--don't feel badly
about yourself.

[Frank] See you next week.

Nice doing business with you,
Mr. Malouf.

Easy peasy.

There you go, Gareth.

All right, next...

we hit up the tanning salon.

Boy, at this rate, we're gonna
be out of here by...

What's up, buddy?

Come on.

Next we go to Salon de Tan.

Fool, I'm the muscle
in this equation.

You wouldn't be
pulling bank without me.

All right, fine.

Here.

Oh, come on.

[sighs]

And the fee for being
a racist jack-hole.

Oh, God damn it.

What--

That's more like it.

Now we can go
to the tanning salon.

♪

[Fiona] Okay, we're not staying.

- Just be a minute.
- Oh, thank God you're here.

This is Will, Sean's son.

- How you doing, Will?
- Rum and Coke.

[Kevin] How about just a Coke?

What's going on?

[sighs]
V threw me under the bus.

What?

Carl told her a secret,
and then she told me the secret

knowing that I can't keep
any secrets,

so now I'm gonna tell you
the secret.

Okay.

Carl got clocked in the head
by a gangbanger.

There was a lot of blood.
Something about drugs and money.

- What?
- He's fine.

He's fine.
V sewed him up.

There.
[sighs loudly]

God, it feels good to get
that shit off my chest.

Does anybody else
want to confide in me?

Okay.

Thank you, Kev.
Let's go, Will.

That lady has puke in her hair.

[rock music playing]

Yeah.
Come on.

♪

What are you doing?

Upping our defenses.

I bought some land mines.

Did your collections today.

Made a bunch of money.

- Want your cut?
- I'm good.

Oh, wish I had gotten
into this business long ago.

About tomorrow.

I'm coming with you.

We'll get up bright and early,

do the pickup together,
make the delivery,

take our earnings,
and go celebrate

a long, hard day.

[chuckling]

I'm not doing it.

Whoa.

Course you are.

No, I'm not.

I'm going straight.

I couldn't be more disappointed
in you, son.

Thanks for nothing.

Thanks.

Hey, um, can I ask you
an embarrassing question?

Well, since you put it
like that.

[chuckles]

Um...

you ever use, um...

Viagra?

Why, 'cause I'm old?

No, no, just maybe...

everything doesn't always work?

I've leaned on a pill
once or twice.

Hey, do you, um...

I--you think I could--
I could borrow one or...

- Borrow?
- Yeah.

- You gonna give it back?
- You know what I mean.

Don't have any on me.

What do you need it for anyway?
You're, like, 20 years old.

Yeah, well, tell my dick that.

Pull it out and I will.

No, it's just, um...
I don't know.

Helene, she's just got
my head all messed up.

It's not your lady professor.

What do you mean?

It's that.

What, the booze?

Never heard of whiskey dick?

I heard of it.
I just--I don't know.

I never thought
it was a real thing.

It's a real thing, all right.

Oh, so you've had it?

You seen how much
I pour down my gullet?

Why don't you just stop?

Soon as somebody younger
than Madeleine Albright

throws her vag at me, I will.

Well, so that's--
that's all I got to do?

I just, you know, lay off
of this stuff for a couple days

and my dick's gonna work?

Couple of days?

When was the last time you
stopped for a couple of hours?

Try it.

Take the rest of the day off.

Hydrate.

Get a good night's sleep.

Guaranteed by morning,
you'll be as good as new.

I could kiss you.

Yeah.

Now, that might get
my dick hard.

Carl?

You guys have a slide?

Uh, yeah.
Play.

I'll be back in a minute.

Carl!

Hey.

I don't want any shit.

It's my house.
I can do what I want.

Wasn't planning
on giving you shit.

Curious
what you're doing, though.

Escape route.

Because?

Never know
when you might need it.

You want help?

Stitches.

Yup.

Anything you want to tell me?

Nope.

I promise I won't freak out.

Nick's in jail.

I wondered what happened to him.

Killed a guy.

Oh.

Wow.

Got all twisted up

about respect.

Couldn't let it go.

Are you okay?

Just can't stop seeing
that dead body in my head.

You were there
when he killed the guy?

After.

Figure I'll start seeing
more people get dropped

if I stay in the game.

[sighs]

I don't want to see that.

Is it okay if I say
I'm proud of you?

[sighs]

[engine turns off]

[sighs]

You're pretty.

[scoffs]
Shut up.

[laughs]

You shut up.

I am big and fat and pregnant.

That is
what makes you beautiful.

Really?

Yeah.

Come on, look at you.

Look at this.

[Larry] Mm.

What are you doing tomorrow?

Um, I have school.

You want to go to dinner?

I can make reservations.

Well, I've never been anywhere
that takes reservations before.

Well, I'm glad
I could be your first.

[both chuckle]

♪ bluesy rock music ♪

♪

- It's been 20 minutes.
- Yeah.

Still like a marshmallow.

- My hand is cramping.
- Yeah, sorry.

You know, I thought
that laying off the booze

and hydrating would work.

What?

Uh, nothing.
Nothing.

Just, uh...

give it another minute?

Okay.

Thanks.

Okay.

'Kay.

- Oh.
- All right.

We're in business.

All right.

Okay.

Gentlemen.

G-Dogg around?

Or my pal Lamar?

Who the fuck asking?

Frank.

I got his cut

of the neighborhood
protection fund.

Chill out.

Hey, some old motherfucker
want to holler at you.

Just another day
at the office, eh?

[laughs]

Lamar said he'll see you.

Okay.

Whoa, slow down, Grandpa.

[scoffs]

There's nothing to worry about.

I don't believe in guns.

Yeah, me neither.

Oh, boy.

[laughs nervously]

I know you?

Frank Gallagher.

You came by my house
yesterday morning.

You singing that gay song.

[laughs]
Indeed I was.

What's this from?

My son Carl's rounds.

Why you giving it to me,
not him?

He had a medical emergency.

He's gonna have
a medical emergency

if he don't get his ass
down here soon.

I'd like to offer my delivery
services for a package

you and G-Dogg want Carl
to handle this afternoon.

How do we know you'll deliver?

I give you my word.

Or...

you give me your left nut.

[laughs]
What?

Shipment don't go through,

I carve out your left nut

and feed it to my dogs.

Carl ain't off the hook, though.

Need you in Indiana by tonight.

I don't care that he looks
like he has Downs syndrome.

I would not kick Channing Tatum
out of bed for eating crackers.

You wouldn't kick him out of bed
for eating brownies,

roasted chicken, and Fritos.

Leave my man baby alone.

You haven't told me
which one's your ex.

Guess.

Old guy, pink sweater.

How'd you know?

"Mm, a redhead, Caleb?

Does his carpet match
his drapes?"

You're a good sport.

[laughs]

What the fuck?

Jesus.

[laughs]

[tattoo machine buzzing]

- Hey.
- Uncle Lip!

What's going on, Chuckie?

Lady I don't know?

[Chuckie] This is my grandma
Queenie.

Hi.

Oh, my God.

As I live and breathe, you--

Frank Gallagher 35 years ago.

Excuse me?

You are the spitting image
of your father

when he knocked me up.

The fuck I am, Grandma Queenie.

Well, you could be twins.

You hungry?

Let me make you
something to eat.

I can't even fit
in my clothes anymore.

Hey, Debs.

Come here.

Look at you.

You are a beautiful,
sensual woman.

You let it all hang out.

You're really showing, huh?

[chuckles]
Still against it?

It's a little late
for that now, no?

[scoffs]
Screw it.

I'm going to Lamaze like this,
unzipped.

- Bye.
- Hey, w-w-wait, Debs.

You're going to Lamaze alone?

Yup.
I am an independent woman.

We hear your roar, girl!

Here you go...

Frank Jr.

Thanks.

Sean, you don't have
to be doing this.

Your sister's worried about you.

Let's see if we can fix this.

Doubt it.

That him?

Yup.

That's the guy
you've been working for?

Thought you told Fiona it was
a few kids on the corner.

- Oh, shit.
- Yo, what up?

- Yo, you playing Houdini on me?
- No.

Hey, you weren't at the spot
this morning.

Lamar said some old dude
showed up instead.

[car door slams]

You good, Carl?

Who this, your daddy?

Friend.

I'm done.

Oh, so we about to stomp
both of y'all out, huh?

Come on, he worked for you
a little while.

Now he wants to retire.

Let's just leave it at that.

Retire?

I guess you want to cash out
your 401(k) plan too, huh?

Can't have you roaming wild,
spilling trade secrets.

He didn't spill
when he was doing time.

Could've pointed a finger,
reduced his sentence.

How do I know you won't go work
for the competition?

Because he's gonna be working
for me 40 hours a week

as a dishwasher in my diner.

I will?

Won't be much time
for competition,

let alone anything else.

[sighs]

What kind of message
would I be sending

if everyone finds out
I let him walk?

That you're a reasonable man.

[laughter]

Funny guy!

Sharp dresser too.

Yeah, I like this coat.

Secondhand store.

Yeah, you a 42 regular?

About that.

What do you think, fellas?

You think that coat
would look nice on me?

Yeah.

♪ Hip-hop music ♪

Hold that.

♪

[laughter]

All right.

♪

Hell yeah.

♪

Not bad.

♪

All right, we good now?

Oh, come on, baby,
you know I can't have a coat

without shoes.

[laughter]

You know, I'm tired
of these old kicks anyway.

♪

[whistles]

♪

[laughs]

Oh.

♪

What do we have here?

♪

Where's Big G?

Is he in the back?

♪

[Gareth] Come in.

Cracker, what are you
doing here?

Not doing any more runs
with you.

- You got a car?
- What?

Need a ride to Indiana
to deliver a package.

Oh, hell no.

Well, maybe you want
a taste of Snow White

before we drop her off.

Shut that door behind you.

Oh, yeah.

Debbie!

Larry?
How'd you know I was here?

I didn't.

I'm here with Scarlet.

Hi.

Hi.

Is she your sister?

[chuckles]

You are funny.

Well, who is she?

Someone that I see.

What?

Hey, there's plenty of Larry
to go around.

Both of us are pregnant.

Oh, I thought you understood.

I'm a maiesiophile.

- Huh?
- I'm into pregnant girls.

Well, how many others are there?

I like women that are showing,
but I try to limit it

to just one for each month
of the pregnancy.

You are my only seven month-er.

Oh, my God.

Are you upset?

- Of course I'm upset.
- I'm sorry.

I--I don't want you to be.

I really like you.

[laughs]

Well, what happens
after I give birth?

We can still be friends.

I thought we had a connection.

We do.

I don't mind sharing, sweetie.

I'm leaving.

Oh, Debbie, don't be like this.

Be like what?

Mad because I fell for
a maiesio-whatever you are?

Hey, I was honest with you.

When?

You asked me if it was okay
that you were pregnant.

So that means I should know
that you have

some weirdo pregnancy fetish?

You're fucked up, Larry.

So are you, Scarlet.

♪ Rock music ♪

[Carl] I told Fiona
you shouldn't come.

♪

But thanks again.

Yeah.

Dishwasher?

Yeah.

Beats getting jumped, though.

♪

Here's to afternoon drinking.

If we'd known you were bringing
a middle school student, Caleb,

we wouldn't have come
to a place that cards.

Oh, no, it's cool.
I don't drink.

I hear it makes your skin
old and leathery.

- Ooh.
- Got you.

That--that's--that's how
we're playing this?

Hey, you threw down first.

Where are you from, kid?

Back of the Yards.

A local boy.

What's your story?

Story?

Who you are, what you do.

How did you meet
this chocolate Bundt cake?

Met him at the firehouse.

Looks too young to be
first in, last out.

He's not a fighter.

Well, I'm studying to be an EMT,
and I got 20 more hours

in the classroom, 30 practical,
then I can take the exam.

Wow, so not a deadbeat
looking for a green card

like the last one.

All right, all right.

Never heard about him.

What was his name again?

- Was it Raul?
- No.

- Felipe?
- [Gregory] Yeah.

Okay, let's just drop it,
all right?

Wasn't it Jose?

How about we change the subject?

Oh, my chocolate Bundt cake,
I'm hurt.

You told me I was your first.

[Gregory] Not a chance.

[laughter]

We like this one, Caleb.

Don't we, Gregory?

I mean, if young, beautiful,
and kind of a smart-ass

is something to like, sure.

Fine.
I guess we do.

Yay.

[laughter]

[Carl and Sean panting]

Oh, my God.

What happened?
Where are your clothes?

I'm out.

Okay, good.

Go take a hot shower.

I'm making dinner.

Long story.

Okay.

Where's Will?

He's in your room.

Okay.

[shudders]

I kind of love you right now.

Yeah, you better.

♪ Hip-hop music ♪

I've had a lot of opportunities
over the years,

but when the situation
presented itself

to move this quality product,

I thought, "It's time to put
my skills to work."

Cracker, will you
shut the fuck up

and finish cutting that shit?

Please, take the maiden voyage.

Yeah.

♪

Well...

[exhales]

[groans]

[sighs]

[whispering]
Yeah?

It's not bad.
Let's cut up some more.

I'd love to, but Indiana awaits.

Whoa, plenty of time.

- No, I--
- Give me that shit.

No, no, I--wait.

I really need to sort of
keep the product intact.

I'm very attached
to my testicles.

I--

Nobody's gonna notice
if a little more goes missing,

especially after we replace it

with some baby laxative.

I take it you've
done this before.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Got my day's receipts.

Well, well, well,
what's going on here?

Compliments of Mr. Cracker here.

Yeah, no, I don't think
that's a good I--

[sniffing loudly]

Holy crap.

[chuckles]

You people do it up big.

Yeah, that "you people"
is gonna cost you.

[Frank] Fuck.

Will!

[groans]

What the fuck?

Where'd you get that?

What's going on?

Just stay there.

I'm gonna come
and take that from you.

Just...

here, let me take that.

[Sean] Jesus.

Where the hell
did you get this, Will?

Uh...

I think it could be one of mine.

[sobbing]

Okay.

- Hey.
- Hey.

How's Debs doing?

[Queenie] Mm, I gave her
some tonic to relax her.

♪ Low instrumental music ♪

Did some Reiki to strengthen
her uterus, and...

It's really unbelievable
how many sexual deviants

are out there.

- Yeah.
- But she's sleeping now.

Do you mind if I sit here
with you?

Yeah, no, sure.
Of course.

- Sorry.
- Great.

Cool.

- Here you go.
- Thanks.

- [sighs]
- So, uh, Reiki, huh?

So you're into all that
hippie-dippie healing shit?

[chuckles]

I do what works.

I'm a physics major.

You know, so it's a little hard
for me to buy into

all that holistic crap.

You know,
herbs, homeopathic drops.

Mm.

What about reflexology?

Like, um, pressure points.
You into that?

- Oh, you mean a foot rub?
- Mm-hmm.

Yeah, sure.
That feels good.

[chuckling]
Okay.

So...

what is up with Mr. Lip?

Why are you home from college?

Just back for the night.

♪

Mm.

Did you just go through
a breakup recently?

Huh?

Yeah, there's a lot of tension

in this pressure point
right here.

So you can tell that
from my foot?

Sure can.

Eh, no way.

Who was she?

It was, uh, a professor.

What was so special about her?

♪

I liked the way
she looked at me.

You know, she was experienced...

and, uh, married.

[chuckles]

Ow!
Fuck.

Oh, sorry.

This point is your heart chakra.

Oh.

It's really knotted up.

It's probably 'cause
she was so fucking selfish.

I was like her little dog.

Everything was on her terms.

And she, uh...

she tossed me aside
when shit hit the fan.

You know, it wasn't even
my fault.

I mean, I would've never done
anything to hurt her.

[grunts]

I put up with so much
of her crap.

And at the end,
she wouldn't talk to me.

You know, she wouldn't even
look at me.

Fuck you, bitch!
Ow!

Fuck!
Ow!

That's it.
Just let it out.

God.
Shit.

Okay, let it go.

- [breathing heavily]
- Shh.

[grunts]

[sighs]

Feeling better?

Yeah.

[chuckles]

Yeah, what'd you--what'd you do?

Put some hippie spell on me?
[laughs]

Reflexology, baby.

Help to release your anger.

[laughs]
Yeah, okay.

Oh, you're still skeptical, huh?

There's more tension
on this other point.

Ow, fuck.
Yeah.

Yeah, that--that one--
that one really hurts.

[groans]

Shit.

Wh--what's that
pressure point for?

It's your sex organ.

You having problems
in the bedroom?

Yeah, maybe.

Yeah?
Here.

Ow.

That do anything?

[groans]

[groaning]

Whoa, yeah.

Wh--wh--what are you doing?

Just working on some blockages.
Give me a sec.

[groaning]

I think you should, uh...

you should stop, like, now.

- [sighs]
- [groans]

It's okay.
Be a good boy.

[groaning]

- Come for Grandma, come on.
- What?

[exclaiming]

Oh, God!

Oh, f--
[groans]

Fu--

[groaning]

It's okay.

[grunting]

[exhales sharply]

[inhales sharply]

There we go.

Good as new.
All systems go.

Grandma Queenie to the rescue.

Bam!
[laughs]

♪

[whispering]
What the fuck?

- A gun?
- I'm so sorry.

I only let him out of my sight
for a minute.

Which was obviously
enough time for him

to find a gun in your house!

I swear that I didn't know
that Carl had that.

He was in prison.
In a gang!

It didn't dawn on you
that he might have guns

in the house?

- I am just as upset as you are.
- No, no!

You're not nearly as upset
as I am!

You let my son find a gun
in your house.

I didn't know!

What am I supposed to do,
pat him down?

Yeah!

If he's anywhere in the vicinity

of your fucked-up
criminal brother, yeah!

Stop screaming at me!

How many times
do I have to say I'm sorry?

When Nikole
finds out about this,

she's gonna take away
my custody,

my visitation rights.

Well, I will explain to her
what happened.

It is not your fault.

Of course it's my fault!

I'm his father

and I left him with you.

♪ Bombastic hip-hop music ♪

♪

♪ Hey ♪

[in slow motion]
Oh.

♪ Watch me do it ♪

♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Ha ♪

♪ Watch me do it ♪

♪ Don't you ever dare me ♪

♪ Please do not compare me ♪

Shit is tight,
Frank the Cracker.

Thank you, Vince!

♪ Yes I'll beat the monster ♪

♪ Living in your closet ♪

God damn it.

I keep doing the baby laxative
instead of the coke.

[laughter]

♪ Hallelujah I'm rich as hell ♪

♪ And I'm blessed boy
so I give thanks ♪

[Reynolds] Oh, Lordy,
Lordy, Lordy!

Ohh!

♪

We need to hit the road, Frank.

♪ Watch me do it ♪

♪ Watch me do it ♪

You called me Frank,
not Cracker.

♪ Watch me do it ♪

[both laugh]

♪ Watch me do it ♪

One more.

♪

[exclaiming in slow motion]

♪ Watch me do it ♪

♪

[all cheering]

♪ Watch me do it ♪

♪ Hey oh ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Oh oh ♪

♪ Watch me do it ♪

There's one in the fish tank.

[sighs]

Middle couch cushion.

Last one's in the fridge.

Bottom drawer.

Must've been the one
that Will took.

♪ Light instrumental music ♪

♪

[whispering]
Your friends were nice.

You held your own.

Gregory, huh?

Went through a daddy phase
a few years ago.

Me too.

Is that one of the skeletons
you wanted to tell me about?

I don't remember
wanting to tell you.

Hey, I have skeletons
of my own too, you know.

Oh, yeah?

Like what?

Hell no.

You first.

How about we say it
at the same time?

Count of three.

You're not bluffing,

are you?

Have to find out.

- You ready?
- Yeah.

♪

One,

two,

three.

- I'm bipolar.
- I'm HIV positive.

Oh.

Oh.

That why you didn't want
to have sex without a condom?

You don't always use a condom?

What's your status?

Negative...I think.

You haven't been tested?

No.

You got to get tested.

Okay.

Even though I'm positive,
they haven't been able to detect

a viral load.

Well, that's good, right?

I'm on meds.

They say I can't--

I can't give it to anyone.

Gregory?

Nah.

Wasn't very sexual.

Green card guy?

Guy in college.

He lied to me.

Oh.

You mad I didn't
tell you sooner?

No, it's fine.

You mad that I didn't tell you
I was bipolar?

No.

What's it like?

I have it under control.

I haven't felt this happy
in a long time.

Is there any reason for that?

Oh, I can't think of any.

Shall I give you a hint?

Starting to jog my memory.

We still have to be protected.

[sighs]

I thought you said
you couldn't infect me.

I don't want to take
any chances.

[Ian] Jesus.

Gonna be a long night?

Oh, yeah.

♪ Acoustic guitar strumming ♪

♪

♪ rock music ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh... ♪

[Fiona sighs]

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

[Frank] Thanks for taking me
to Indiana.

Yup.

We should do this more often.

Get the fuck out
my car, cracker.

[chuckles]

[groans]

[engine revs]

Hey!

Old man!

Why is my guy in Indiana

shitting his pants
uncontrollably?

Huh?

- Oh, shit.
- [Lamar] Get your ass

over here.

♪ Rock music ♪

♪ Run fast if you think they
caught a scent off of you ♪

♪ Or play dumb
like you're taught to ♪

♪ My guilty conscience
finally sprang a leak ♪

♪ And it's just as well ♪

♪ Oh, man, they put on
a good sell... ♪

[moaning]

Who hasn't had a turn yet?

- ♪ Watch me explode ♪
- Me.

Come on.
Let's do this.

♪ You can tell me
what I just said ♪

♪ But don't nobody know ♪