Shameless (2011–…): Season 6, Episode 4 - Going Once, Going Twice - full transcript

Here's what you missed
last week on Shameless.

_

Where you getting all
this money?

Next.

Alibi voted "Best Shittiest Bar
on the South Side."

I'm not sure how
I feel about that.

I've never been the best
at anything.

Here's to the shittiest
bar in the South Side!

Fiona, if you don't want
to have yours, that's fine.

If you love me, you will
support my decision

in having this baby,
'cause no one else does.

We made mistakes.

Mine wasn't a mistake.

I did this on purpose
because I know what I want.

If you have this baby,
I will not support you.

I'm taking care of this
once and for all.

Make sure you cut
the right cable?

Yes, there's only
two cables.

The throttle cable and--

The brake cable.

Frank, what the hell
is going on?

This is Jorge Mendoza
and his clan.

What are they doing
in our yard?

I rented it to them.

If we let you take the house,

will you rent it to us?

Sure, call it $1,800 a month.

First, last, and deposit.

Are you kidding me?

Hey, you okay?

Can you tell me your name, sir?

♪ think of all
the luck you got ♪

♪ know that
it's not for naught ♪

♪ you were beaming
once before ♪

♪ but it's not like that
anymore ♪

♪ what is this downside ♪

♪ that you speak of? ♪

♪ what is this feeling ♪

♪ you're so sure of? ♪

♪ round up
the friends you got ♪

♪ know that
they're not for naught ♪

♪ you were willing
once before ♪

♪ but it's not like that
anymore ♪

♪ what is this downside ♪

♪ that you speak of? ♪

♪ what is this feeling ♪

♪ you're so sure of? ♪

Surprise, it's me, again,
cousin Fiona.

Hoping you can explain
the eviction notice

from the sheriff's department
since we do pay our rent.

So if you can call us back
when you have a minute,

that would be swell.

Thanks, Patrick.

72 hours to vacate
the premises.

What happened to our flour?

Debbie used it as
an imaginary baby.

Yo, Chef Boyardee, any chance
you can help Fiona

deal with Patrick?

Or I can later.

What about cinnamon?

Huh?

I'm baking cookies.

Why?

For the fire house.

I think they deserve
our support.

And today is the day
to thank them?

I bet the Hondurans
have flour.

You know he got
into some shit at school.

I think he's pissed at me.

Please, he's been angry
with me for weeks.

Get a hold of your cousin?

Gonna have to
get in his face.

Well, I'll drive you.

You don't have to
get involved.

I know.

Hey, you sure
you don't need me?

No, go on your trip.

- We have it handled.
- Okay.

Lip's professor is taking him
to an academic conference.

It's for fun.

She teaches critical theory,

nothing to do with engineering.

It'll look good
on your transcript.

Uh...
"Conference on whatever."

The origin of feminist rhetoric
in post-war Europe.

You need help with that,
call me.

Got it.

Do we have any baking soda?

Guess not.

As a woman who's months
from bringing a child

into this world,
you require a nest

and since we're getting
kicked out of our house.

You think that's
actually happening?

Sheriff's department
doesn't mess around.

Yeah, well, Fiona already said
if I have the baby,

she's throwing me out,
so I don't even care

if we lose the house.

I'm just gonna get a part-time
job and save up money

for my own place.

- Ready?
- No, no, no, no, listen to me.

Even with welfare,
no way you pull down

the kind of dough you'll need.

There's diapers and onesies
and the little jars

with the pureed veggies,
and God forbid

the kid gets sick.

With what these pharmaceutical
companies are demanding

for a god damn cough drop?

And there's no way
boys your age can support you.

They're spending their allowance
on poppers and internet porn.

No, what you need
is an older--

Gel may be a little cold.

You need a father figure,
like you had with me,

only with money.

And the good news is,
there's lots of lonely men.

And they'll know you put out.

That's a plus.

Heartbeat...

Oh, my God.

Look at its face.

Nope, wrong end.

The face is there.

That's my baby.

Hello, little Gallagher.

Yo, Dom, got you
a little something.

Ugh, okay, don't be
getting me shit.

Come on, girl,
I dropped bank.

You don't want to see?

- Mink.
- You steal it?

Got the receipt.

Uh-uh, thanks, but I really
don't need it.

It's gonna be cold soon.

Friend's mom is giving
me a ride.

I got to go.

Let me walk you.

Nope, too far to walk.
Bye!

Hey, Patrick,
thanks for not calling me back.

Who's this?

I'm Sean, how you doing?

I'm curious what you told
the sheriff

to get us evicted.

Oh, that-- that's
not about you.

I took a loan out
against the house for 60 grand,

didn't pay it back,
so of course,

the bank foreclosed.

Well, can't you
work something out?

Why?

I get 500 bucks in rent,
usually late,

from cousins who want
to frame me as a child molester

or I pocket 60 large
and call it a day.

You know,
I got myself a Jet Ski,

season tickets
to the Blackhawks.

How's your credit?

Credit was in the shitter
anyway!

Thanks for asking.

Look, the house is a dump,
but it's been in our family

for generations, and it means
a lot to all of us.

Fuck that house.

And fuck your con artist
deadbeat family.

Now, don't be waving
the hammer around.

I don't want to have to
take it from you.

- That, I'd like to see.
- Is that right?

Let's go.

Yeah!

_

Hey, what's up?

I'll see you guys inside.

Where the hell is everyone?

Regulars stopped coming

because it's hipster bar now,
they think.

Well, then where
are all the hipsters?

Maybe it's some yuppie holiday--
Earth Day

or Yom Kippur or something.

I just had three top knots
right behind me.

I thought they were
gonna come in.

- What's that?
- Tapas.

- Say it without an accent.
- Tapas.

- Didn't help.
- Spanish food on small plates.

Svetlana said there's
a place on 19th Street.

Customers go crazy
for this shit.

- Jesus, it smells like--
- Octopus.

Don't fuck with me.

I am no fucking you.

Octopus salad,
this kind of tapas.

You see, this is the problem
with hipsters.

It's like buying an exotic
animal from a pet store.

Who knows what they eat?

The hipsters are gonna
come back, right?

Yeah.

We'll have them eating
octopus out of our hand.

Yeah, I hope so.

Hey, I'm looking
for a firefighter,

but I don't know his name.

Regarding?

I was on the Central Ave
bridge on Tuesday,

he saved my life.

Tuesday, you want
the hose pullers.

The what?

Flamers, gay firemen,
they're all on one shift.

Really?

Chicago Fire Island.

So when's the next,
uh, gay shift?

7:00 AM tomorrow.

Those snickerdoodles?

You know I grew up
in this house?

Raised all my kids here too.

Hey, Debbie, could you
come down, please?

There's someone
I want you to meet.

Uh, Eugene,
this is my daughter Deborah.

What's going on?

Sit, sit, sit, sit.

Don't trip over his
oxygen compressor.

Hello, Deborah.

Hm.

Hi.

So how do you two, uh...

I spend time in the oncology
ward at the hospital,

giving comfort and moral support
to those in need.

Me and Eugene just hit it off.

Do the-- the bit from that movie.

Good afternoon, gentlemen.

I'm a HAL 9000 computer.

Well...

I'll let you two
get acquainted.

Wait, what?

My second wife was a redhead.

Heh.

Would you excuse me?

Tell me you're not
setting me up with him.

Shush-- shush up.

He lost his voice,
not his hearing.

Are you insane?

You need someone
to take care of you.

He's got terminal cancer
and a two-bedroom apartment

on rent control and a mint
condition '64 Pontiac.

It's a classic.

- He's dying?
- Exactly.

He'll be around
for a couple of months,

a year tops,
and then we hold on

to the two-bedroom
rent control.

No.
I don't need a man.

I can take care of my baby
on my own.

And if I do find someone,
he won't be

an old dying robot!

It's a no-go.

Used to love the smell
of bacon till I got knocked up.

Morning sickness?

I was helping Cindy
bring food to a table

and nearly puked
on the plate.

Only two more days
till the appointment.

Unless you want to punch me
in the stomach

and get it over with.

Oh, are we joking
about this?

- Trying.
- Oh.

Hey, about the house,
you're not giving up.

Not seeing
too many options.

Well, we can't make Patrick
pay the bank,

but he only borrowed 60 grand.

It's not a very big
monthly payment.

So...

So take over the mortgage.

Could we do that?

Maybe.

Who do we ask?

Well, the guy that runs the
accounts here at Dorset Bank.

We could swing by
and talk to him.

Thank you.

I'm a naturally
helpful person.

Must be tiring.

It is utterly exhausting.

Bacon.

Go, Colts!

I hate the Colts.

- Hockey?
- Not a sports person?

I did synchronized swimming
at Sarah Lawrence.

What's that?

A bunch of girls swimming
together upside down and--

well, it's a lot harder
than it sounds.

It's like a Busby Berkeley
musical, only wet.

What's Busby Berkeley?

MGM? No?

Welcome to the Indianapolis
Golden Marquee Hotel.

Can I help you
with your bags?

Please.

Some high-end shit,
carbon-fiber frame,

mag wheels, all customized.
Check it out.

This one.

Now, that one's cold.

No.

This one.

♪ hallelujah ♪

- ♪ yeah ♪
- ♪ this shit legendary ♪

♪ trip like Jason Terry,
pussy pink as Katy Perry ♪

♪ this shit came from nowhere ♪

♪ drama,
please don't go there ♪

♪ pussy Michael Jordan
no hair ♪

Hey, yo,
after we get this bike,

how about we buy
a motherfucking car?

Robes and slippers
in the closet.

Toilet's equipped with
a heated seat and a bidet.

A bidet, ever use one?

Oh, yeah, my vacation home
in the Bahamas.

- Anything else?
- No, thank you.

Ten bucks?

We're meeting people
in an hour.

I'm gonna shower.

You can join if you want.

Yeah, I'm in.

You nervous about tomorrow?

Excited.

I've been working on this
for three years,

so now I get to show off.

The publication in 1949
of her seminal text,

"Second Sex,"
Simone de Beauvoir

redefined the semiotics
of femininity

throughout the western world.

What was not explored
is the relationship

between her loss of faith and
subsequent revolutionary views.

Wow.

That's really turning me on,

if that's what you were
going for.

I didn't know that you
found the topic so arousing.

Me neither.

Well, there's tertiary evidence
that the prestigious

convent school that de Beauvoir
attended...

is in fact the missing link

between
her early religiosity

and subsequent radicalizations.

Okay,
thanks for your help.

There's no way for you
to assume the loan.

The house is scheduled to go up
for auction in two days.

Well, that's that.

- The auction public?
- I assume.

So buy it there.

Right.

How's it work?

Highest bidder gets the house.

So it's a bunch of
bottom feeders, right,

looking for a great deal?

Bank only needs 60 grand
and they get their money back.

It's a shithole, that house.

If you put an offer on it,
I bet it's yours.

You think I have 60 grand?

Apply for a mortgage.

Me?

Well, you're an assistant
manager at a reputable

place of business.

You have stable income.

Have you ran her credit?

About that...

Here we go.

No, it's not bad or good.

You have a credit score
of zero.

You've never owned a credit card
or leased a car?

No.

Amazing.

Uh...

Well, you can open up
a credit card account,

take an advance of $1,000,
pay it back tomorrow,

and you're an excellent
credit risk.

You're saying that
I have to borrow money

in order to borrow more money?

Government-backed FHA mortgage
loans are reasonable.

Hold on, hold on.

I can get a loan?

A very big
serve from Michaela Brown.

She has one of the most
powerful right hands...

Mm.

That serve is Ace.

Kev!

Shit!

Hey, Kev!

Kev, hey, I see you!

Come on, man.

Kev, come on.

Hey, I need a favor.

Ask me from there.

I got to listen
for the babies.

No, no, no, I can't
yell this, okay?

It's, uh...

Kevin, it's personal.

You see these legs?

I used to press 900 pounds
with these legs.

Now I drag them around
like limp sausage.

And that yuppie lawyer scum
who did this to me,

he lives right around
the block.

Really sucks.

Help me kill him.

What?

And his family.

I'm gonna set his house on fire.

- No.
- Yes, I am.

- Hell, no.
- Yes, I am.

You do that, they're gonna
send you away

for a long-ass time.

Look, Kevin, I've
thought about this, okay?

And I-- and I think about

how I will feel
when that house is on fire.

The lawyer comes running out.

Okay, his kids?

They come running out,
their hair on fire,

their clothes on fire.

"Aah! Aah! I'm on fire!
Aah!"

Jesus.

It'll be worth it.
It'll be worth it.

Okay.

I'm telling you.

No one's gonna burn
anyone, all right?

- Go home.
- Come on!

Take your pain meds.

Think happy thoughts.

Breathe.

- All right, all right.
- I got to go.

Okay, fine.

Hey, Kev, you want to
come over later

and watch The Voice?

You wanna--
you like The Voice?

No?

I-I got frozen pizza.

Check this out.

_

_

_

And she goes,
"No! No, no, no, no!"

_

_

_

Okay, so we went to the bank,

and the house is being sold
at auction,

but there's a chance that
we could buy it.

So for the first time ever,
it would be our house,

not Aunt Ginger's,
not Patrick's.

How?

Sean's got a guy at the bank
who thinks I can get

a bank loan of up
to 100,000.

Dollars?

I know.

Holy shit, someone's
willing to give us 100 grand?

Yeah.

Why didn't we do this
years ago?

The bank doesn't just
give you money.

They actually buy the house
and let you live in it

till you pay back the loan
with interest.

Or not.

We need a down payment
of $3,500,

and we need it, like, now.

I got a couple hundred.

Okay, we could pawn the TV.

You'd get 50 bucks.

We're brainstorming.

3 1/2 Gs?

Shit, I got you covered.

What do you want?

You want hundies
or small bills?

You just got out of juvie
and you have $3,000?

Right.

No.

What, you don't believe me?

No, I believe you,
I just don't want

the state seizing our house
'cause we bought it

with drug money or whatever
it is that you're into lately.

Let's not be hasty.

You are not part
of this conversation, Frank.

This was my house long before
any of you had claim to it.

Not legally,
but every other way.

The point is,
we're Gallaghers.

If Carl wants to step up--

No.

Why do you get the last word?

If you want to go get
a mortgage with your name on it,

then take Carl's money.

But otherwise, we'll find
another way.

I'll just spend it on my ride.

If you want us,
we'll be upstairs.

Come on, Nick.

Carl, a word,
if you would, son?

I don't know why you bother
calling a family meeting

if you make all the decisions
anyway.

Carl?

Hey, hey, um...

On behalf of all of us,

I want to acknowledge
your generosity.

The fact that you've reached
this level of success

in your chosen field--

How much you need?

40?

60, if it's not a problem.

Bill, even.

You've come a long way, son.

It warms my heart to know
that at least one Gallagher

has lived up to his
genetic potential.

When you were six, I-- when--

You get why I don't want
to take Carl's money, right?

It's like saying that it's cool
that he's a criminal,

like we've given up on him.

I get it.

You're giving me that look

like you're gonna try
to give me

some really wise,
meaningful advice.

Are your boobs bigger?

That's what you were thinking?

They are, right?

Well, enjoy them
while you can.

I'm gonna have to reschedule
the abortion

until after the auction.

About that deposit,
uh, you know,

I... I do have some savings
I could kick in.

No, no, no, thank you.

It's a Gallagher thing.

If you lose the house,
it's gonna be

somebody else's thing.

So where's that money
coming from?

I have an idea.

I'm just not sure
how I feel about it yet.

I'll let you know
when I decide.

Savings, huh?

Literally hundreds
of dollars.

Fucking gold digger.

Hey, which button is it?

It says "bidet."

Right.

Okay.

Ah, whoa, holy shit.

You like it?

Uh, it's a new sensation.

Wow.

In a good way?

I'm not sure.

Ah.

Love a man with a clean ass.

Yeah.

Your sister's calling.

Oh, shit.

Hey, I've been trying you
since last night.

Sorry, I got your messages.

I've just been doing
this paperwork

for the pre-certified loan,
which might as well

be in Swahili.

Yeah, you still need
the down payment, right.

Uh, look, I got 280 bucks
in a light fixture

in my dorm room.

I'll have Ian
go grab it, okay?

Thanks.

Listen, I'm sorry
it's not more.

Listen, you need help with
the paperwork or anything?

Uh, no, it's my info they want.

How's it going there?

It's, uh, pretty swanky.

Swanky is good.

I should go.

I'll text if there's news.

- All right, bye.
- Bye.

Fiona, you're not gonna

- believe this.
- Yeah?

Holy shit.

Hi, Aunt Fiona.

- Fiona Gallagher?
- Uh-huh.

I'm Alyssa with Juvenile
Detention Services.

Charles is your nephew,
correct?

I forgot about the swastika.

This is listed as his address.

His mom is incarcerated,
and we have

no other family on record.

Could I, uh...

Not to sound harsh,
but there's got to be

somewhere else he can go.

Eventually we'll find
him a foster home,

but that could take a while.

And there's a lot of minorities
in the state facility.

Not sure how long
he'll survive.

Fuck no.

He can stay here until
we find another relative,

any relative.

Need you to sign and confirm
that you're a legal adult,

that this is a drug-free
household,

that you will maintain--

H-hold on.

- Much better.
- I'm hungry.

Ian, would you get your Nazi
nephew some breakfast?

If you let the cracker stay,

bitch gonna get a shiv
in his neck... right here.

No, no shivs
in Chuckie's neck,

and no race wars
in the house.

Got it?

No one should
face death alone.

Am I right?

Excuse me?

Staring into that
terrifying abyss

without the warmth
of another human being.

Sure, we have medical
professionals,

but I'm talking about
intimacy,

the kind of support you--
well, I'll just say it,

you get from a...

a good woman.

What kind of
cancer you got?

Uh, no, I'm just here
for my wife.

She's in getting radiation.

Hey, George?
Let her go.

You're not wearing
a wedding ring.

Uh, yeah, I broke my finger
a few years ago.

Since then, I've--

That's just fascinating.

So your wife's
getting radiation.

You mind if I ask
how far along...

Stage three breast cancer.

Stage three, that's--
that's tough.

Mm.

How about you?

Oh, I'm not sick
at the moment.

Frank Gallagher,
cancer concierge.

I smooth the way for patients
with serious diagnoses.

And I know how hard
it can be on the spouses.

You got help
with the kids?

What?

You know, a family to share
the load, a granny or two?

Oh, no, they're all
back in Nebraska.

Paid help? Nanny?
Whatever, anything?

Can't afford it,
but we're managing.

Mm,

and you're doing
a great job.

Still...

you got to think
of the kids.

♪ ooh yeah ♪

♪ ooh ♪

♪ you drive me crazy
with the way that you move ♪

♪ you begin to play now ♪

♪ you can start a fire
with a body like that ♪

♪ burn the damn place down ♪

♪ come on, yeah ♪

You don't think he means it?

No.

I mean, he wouldn't light
the guy's house on fire.

- That's insane.
- It is.

Yanis talks shits
all the time.

Said he was gonna
kill the Lisas.

He told Mr. Ryland
that he was gonna

cut his balls off and hang it
from the rearview

like, uh, fuzzy dice.

He didn't do that.

No.

But he did once tell me--

Kevin, it is bad enough
that you talk

to that Greek psycho,
but now you're gonna

make me relive it?

You're right.
I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Just reassure me.

I did, like 20 times.

We all talk shit,
but most people,

even the crazy Greek ones,
don't follow through.

Where you going?

Other job.

What other job?

Public Restroom.

It's not a restroom.

New place, 19th Street,
very popular.

You're two-timing us
with another bar?

Not bar.
Speakeasy.

Hipster for "bar."

You know, I'm thinking
I should take you

to meet owner, Georgia.

She's big success.

Maybe learn how to bring
people into place.

We know how to run
our own bar.

Look around, Kevin.

It's no one here.

You did say the hipsters
were gonna come back.

Can you introduce us
to this lady?

Come tonight,
I text you address.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Kermit.

Who's getting topless?

- Svetlana said--
- Not topless, tapas.

I still hear topless.

Kermit, pull up a stool,
have something to eat.

What, octopus doesn't
go bad.

Says who?

Uh, no thanks.

Uh, good seeing you guys.

- Flash him.
- What?

He's like our second customer
in three days.

Flash him.

Kev,
I am not flashing someone

every time
something goes wrong.

Strange little bald man.

Sit down,
get a drink.

I'll have a beer.

Hey, I just wanted to...

I'm Ian. You pretty much
saved my life.

Cookies?

Uh, where was this?

Central Ave bridge.

The redhead, that's right.

Yeah, you'd have
pulled through anyway,

but, uh...
I'm glad I could help.

I'm Jason.

Good meeting you.

You, uh, want a smoothie?

Uh...

Hey, guys, this is Ian.

That's JR, Stubbs,
Adam, Caleb,

Hollywood,
and, uh, that's Damian.

Oh, and that's Bart.

That you?

Yeah, with my husband Phil
and our two kids.

- Nice.
- Hey, what's the name again?

Ian, thanks.

When Caleb's not here,
he's in his sculpture studio.

He made that one right there.

Awesome.

So what do you do?

I guess I'm a janitor.

Ooh, I had that gig.

It sucked.

Yeah.

You ever let anyone
visit your studio?

I would if anyone cared.

It's right by the airport.

Looks interesting.

You think?

_

With publication in 1949
of her seminal text,

"The Second Sex,"
Simone de Beauvoir

redefined the semiotics
of femininity

throughout the western world.

What has not been explored
is the relationship

between her loss of faith and
subsequent revolutionary views.

Sister Lillian Marie Montreau
was a nun at the convent school

that de Beauvoir attended,
and it was Montreau

who helped Simone grapple
with the theories that--

- I'm sorry.
- Yes?

Are you saying Montreau
was a formative influence?

Without taking credit away
from de Beauvoir, yes,

that's exactly what I'm saying.

And you've read the letters?

We don't have any surviving
correspondence between them,

but I've done extensive
research on their time--

We-- we do have letters.

I'd be aware.

Discovered a few weeks ago
by an estate trustee.

We have them at Loyola.

Judge for yourself,
but I think they prove

the opposite of what
you're asserting.

I look forward to reading them.

In the meantime, we have at
least tertiary evidence that--

I'm sorry, I don't mean
to be an asshole here.

- Yes.
- It's in the letters.

Montreau had
a very narrow world view,

specifically regarding
acceptance

of patriarchal realities.

Really?

If anything, the reconceived
semiotics of "The Second Sex"

were formulated later,
in opposition to a colleague

whose work reinforced
traditional gender binaries.

Anything else?

Okay.
So...

I only got an hour,
then I got to meet Svetlana

to check out the competition.

- Which is?
- Public Restroom.

That's what it's called
and they serve tapas.

I mean, who goes to a place
called Restroom and is

like, "You know what? I think
I want to order some food"?

Hold on, hold on.
Yeah, I'm here.

Sure.

Thank you so much
for all your help, Peter.

I'll let you know
how it goes.

- Holy shit.
- It came through?

Pre-certified for a mortgage
loan of up to $100,000.

Did those bankers
not learn anything

from that mortgage crisis
bullshit?

I mean, no offense, but giving
that kind of money to you?

Totally.
And thank God for Sean.

He was the one who pushed me
to get this loan.

Aw, he's like Superman, except
for the whole junkie thing.

Does he know
about Gus's ring?

Well, he knows that it exists,
but not that I'm pawning it.

Let's see.

You know, I've been trying to,
like, get angry at Gus,

thinking about that bitchy song
that he wrote about me,

but anyway you look at it,
this is shitty.

Oh.

It belonged to his grandmama?

Yeah, his dead grandma.

And there's some story,
like she survived

the Holocaust with it,
like in her cooch.

- What?
- Yeah, it's something intense.

Well, you should get extra
for dead grandma's cooch ring.

I had it appraised.

The guy said it's worth
$7,000.

Seven--

- Seven grand, are you serious?
- Mm-hmm.

Fuck Gus's
dead grandmama.

Go on
and buy your house.

Yo, what are you doing?

Helping Uncle Nick.

Don't call him that.
Get the fuck out of here.

He's a white supremacist Nazi.

You remember that.

He don't know shit.

I went to the DMV.

I'm not old enough
to get my license,

but you are, so I got these
for you to study up on the test.

You can score wheels,
pick up shorty

after soccer practice,
pull up.

She'll be like, "Damn."

Don't want to take a test.

I just want my bike.

Man, what's with you
and this bike anyway?

When I was nine years old,
other kids had bikes.

I told my pops I wanted one.
He beat on me.

But I got the money.

Took me a year.
I got it.

A bike just like this one.

Had it for one day

before Pops traded it
for a rock.

Shit.

They locked me up
for what I did to him.

When I'm inside,
they asked me,

"You homesick?"

I'd say, "No.

I just want my bike."

1,900.

It's worth seven grand.

I'm offering 1.9.

Six grand.

1.9.

Fuck kind of negotiation
is that?

Then I'm leaving.

Aren't we're leaving?

No, I'm bluffing.

Well, tell him about
grandma's cooch.

Four grand, final offer.

Take it or leave it.

- 1.9.
- Shit.

Go away.

I said go away!

And I would do that,
only this is time-sensitive,

a lead on potential employment
for you.

I don't need it.

What's that?

Dog walker.

Well, once you get established,
it's steady work.

Sure, but, you know,

it's gonna be winter
before you have this kid.

You don't want to be
eight months pregnant

freezing your ass off
while half a dozen mutts

drag you sideways
across the ice.

That's a genuine risk
to your unborn child.

So what employment are you
talking about?

Working as a nanny
for a very nice family.

It's flexible hours.

Plus, it's working with kids.

It's great practice.

What's the catch?

There's no catch.

This is me showing love and concern
for my soon to be grandchild.

Come on, what do you say?

They want to meet
tomorrow morning.

I'm good, I'm good, I'm good.

Oh.

Why do they put mirrors
in elevators?

To make you feel less
closed in, I guess.

Easy, careful, all right?

Come on, let's fuck

and watch ourselves
in the mirror.

I got 30 seconds,
but I can try to be quick.

Don't play with the buttons,
all right?

Fine.

- Why don't we wait?
- No, no, no.

Wait till we get back
to the hotel room, huh?

- Stop it.
- They don't mind.

They don't mind, do you?

I mean, when do you get this
kind of excitement

in Indianapolis,
am I right?

Sorry.

Did we meet
at the conference?

- Helene Runyon.
- Hey. Hey.

- Hi.
- Hey, easy.

Is this, like,
the employee entrance?

No, it's creative concept.

Yeah, I don't get it.

Flush.

Those guys
used to come to the Alibi.

Yes, it's new hot place.

15 bucks a drink.

Two choices.

Number one and number two?

Georgia!

It's my friend.
She love the place.

Yes, I'm a big fan.

I go work now.

Rude and hard to understand.

She's irreplaceable.

So how do you get
all these people to come here?

You advertise?

Advertise?
That's the kiss of death.

So it's word of mouth?

What do we all want?
To be in on a secret, right?

I try to make these venues as
hard to find as possible.

All black, no signs,
no lights.

So, say a newspaper wrote
you were, I don't know,

the "Best Shittiest Bar
on the South Side."

- Like the Alibi Room.
- You know the Alibi?

Oh, that place was like
a gold mine, so much potential,

till they hung that banner.

So if the Alibi took down
the banner...

Oh, no, there's no coming back
from that.

Chris!
Excuse me.

So you got the loan,

but you're a few bucks short
on the deposit.

Lip and Ian had 450.

I had 2 saved.

No way I'm taking Carl's
cartel money.

Debbie's saving up
for baby Huey, so...

I pawned the engagement ring
that Gus gave me

because I'm a horrible person.

What'd you get for it?

1,900.

Still 950 short.

Not-- that's so weird.

I just happen to have $950
burning a hole in my pocket.

Really?

- Yeah.
- You sure?

Yeah, come on.

Mm.

Thanks.
This is a loan.

Yeah, you're damn right
it's a loan.

What if we don't
get the house?

Eh, you'll figure it out.

Kids are older than
last time this happened.

Last time?

Well, we've never been
in foreclosure before

'cause Frank's never owned
anything in his life,

but on the street
with these kids?

The first time,
I was like, ten.

Uh-huh.

Well, like you said,
you... you're older now.

I'd have to split 'em up.

Debbie and Carl still aren't
ready to be on their own,

and I got to keep an eye
on Ian.

Worst case scenario,
I'll just move in with you.

Relax, I was just kidding.

God, you looked like
you got stung by a bee.

Oh, I'm just imagining
what it would look like,

me and you living together.

In a good way,
just thinking it through.

I'm hungry.

You want anything?

All right.

Sexy, huh?

Just don't hit the bidet
button there.

Sorry.

You were hoping
to get laid.

Eh.

My book is toast.

I was
humiliated in front of my peers

by a gay Jesuit.

It's great that guys
study feminism.

It's-- you know,
it shouldn't make it worse

that it was a guy,

but it does.

You know, you might want
to wait till you're sober

before you start
to assess your life.

Am I a cliché?

What?

You know, Mrs. Robinson
chasing young guys.

Well, Mrs. Robinson was hot,
so that's not a bad thing.

No, you're not a cliché.

One day--

someday...

Mm-hmm.

...you're gonna be with
a girl your age

and you're gonna tell her
about...

the older woman

who taught you about wine

and hotels

and bidets.

Bellhop thought
we were married.

Did he?

Mm.

Is that so crazy?

When you and I
got together,

I was looking
for a fling,

but this is...

different.

It's so much more than that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

- Oh, God.
- Oh, sh--

What's the matter?
Come here.

Hi, you must be Erica.
Wonderful to meet you.

I'm Frank.
This is Debbie.

Did Tyler mention--

Yeah, you're here
to interview as a nanny.

Uh, yeah.
Hi.

Hi.
Uh...

Well, we could use one,
but I'm not feeling well,

and Tyler's running late,
so you can wait for him inside.

Okay.

- She's sick?
- It's very sad.

But it's a nice enough
house, right?

_

I thought I'd let you sleep.

How you feeling?

Can a person overdose
on Aspirin?

I threw up in a toilet
and bidet.

Might be a new low.

Ah, well, the paramedics
weren't called,

so it's better than your
average night

in my house growing up.

I vaguely recall an extremely
earnest conversation.

Sorry if I was a bore.

No, no, it wasn't boring.
Um, actually--

There's nothing like
a bottle of wine

and a couple martini chasers
to get me talking nonsense.

So, do me a favor...

pretend it never happened,

and we'll just put
this weekend behind us, okay?

I'll check us out.

Do you and your mother
need a taxi?

What?

The lady.

Uh, no.
No thanks.

Hey, what's up, beautiful?

Heading home, right?

You want to ride in style?

Hm.
Not really.

This is yours.

Got the receipt?

Yeah.

At least ride it home
while you think about it.

♪ heard a man say
it's money on the side ♪

♪ tonight, we're gonna
see some red ♪

♪ tonight, your body
is a strip club ♪

Don't ride too close.

♪ fuck it, I'm getting paid ♪

♪ hallelujah ♪

♪ oh, yeah, hallelujah ♪

♪ said those praises
with the moola ♪

♪ shout out to my shooters ♪

♪ see, I know just what
I'm doing ♪

♪ started from the ruins ♪

Since I've been sick,
I haven't been

much use around here.

Tyler's had his hands full.

There's no shame in having
help under the circumstances.

And Debbie loves
working with children.

In fact, she's looking forward
to having kids of her own so

this would be great practice.

You seem a little young.

- She's 18.
- I'm 18.

I'm afraid I have to lie down.

Um, like I said,
Tyler will be back soon.

- Okay.
- Can we help?

Oh, no, thanks, sweetheart.

I can make it.
It's nice to meet you.

Yes.

And voila.

Guest room.

Little small, but I think
I can make it work.

You?

Why would you be staying
in their guest room?

Working dishwasher.

Name brand cereal.

None of that generic crap.

An ideal place for us
to raise the kid.

Wait till you meet
the husband.

Then you can thank me.

Wait.

You're setting me up
with a dying woman's husband?

They're married.

- Not for long.
- Frank.

You're gonna be a godsend
to this family.

The father's going to be
sick with grief.

He'll need a shoulder
to lean on...

and then to sleep on.

Ugh, I'm leaving.

Did you see the backyard?

Swing set, trampoline,
it's like a playground,

but without a pedophile.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Sorry I'm late.

- Deb?
- Hi.

Uh, guys, there's someone
I want you to meet.

Hello?

Uh, she's sleeping.

Sorry, the kids
are off somewhere.

Oh, that's okay.

Just let me deal
with these groceries.

Can I help?

Yeah, that'd be great.
Thanks.

Just drop that up there.

Ten minutes, Alex will cover,
and then we go, okay?

Yep.

Listen, if you don't
get the house,

you can come stay at my place.

Will's coming next weekend,
so if you're okay with that.

You've been great, really.

I'll find a place to crash.

Not with me?

Let's just wait until
we're ready instead of

being forced into it.

You feel forced?
I don't.

You have your doubts,
which I get.

You mean last night,
when you brought it up?

I told you you were
reading that wrong.

I don't think so.

When me and my ex
moved in together,

there was stuff she didn't
know about me.

Created problems later.

My NA sponsor thinks I should
be more up front with you

if things get serious with us.

You mentioned living together.

That's what went
through my mind.

What don't I know?

We can hash through all that.

Right now, we should go.

- No, no, no, you're an addict.
- Yeah.

If there's more to say
before we shack up,

spit it out,
'cause in an hour,

I might be homeless.

You want to do this now?

- Right.
- Now.

Right.

You're really building it up.

Okay.

Um... yeah.

I, uh, went to prison
in my 20s.

I figured
with all the ex-cons you hire.

For drugs?

Yeah, and I killed a guy.

Right.

I'm not joking.

I was drunk and high.
I'm sleeping in a van.

I get in a fight
with another junkie over--

Damn,
I don't know what.

Fuck.

Uh, he went down.
I kept beating him.

I guess his head hit
the curb or something.

He went to the hospital,
and later, he died.

It's a long time ago,

but something I live with

and I should've mentioned it.

Anything else?

Heroin, killed a guy,
no, that's all

that comes to mind.

Okay.

Okay.

Finish up on the floor,
and we'll go.

I didn't want to--

Finish up,
and we'll go.

Yanis!

Hey, brother.

You going for a stroll?
Going pretty fast there.

You know where I'm going.

Oh, God.

You gonna help me?

If not, you might as well
get lost.

You're drawing attention.

I'm begging you,
please turn around.

Oh, God damn it.

Good-bye, lawyer shit!

You turned Yanis
into a cripple!

Now you and your shit wife
and your shit kids

are gonna die in
a lawyer shit bonfire!

No, no, no, he didn't cut
the cable to your motorcycle.

I did.

But I meant to cut
the throttle

so you would stop
revving your engine.

I'm just trying to keep the
peace in the neighborhood, man.

Only the brake cable
and the throttle cable

look a lot alike,
which is a design flaw.

Yanis, you got paralyzed,
and I feel really bad.

I am so fucking sorry, man.

But if you can find it
in your heart to forgive me,

we could have an extra
strong friendship

because of what
we went through.

Yeah?

Oh, man.
Oh, man.

I can't tell you
how good that feels

to get that off my chest.

It's like taking
a 1,000-pound shit.

What are you doing?

Yanis, Yanis!

Now, I know this brings up
strong feelings, but--

hey, put that down so we can
work on our

extra strong friendship!

Aah!

Ah, shit.

Aah!
Aah!

Holy shit.

Help!
Help!

♪

Hey, you made it.

How was the trip?

Ah, still processing.

Where's Kev?

He was supposed to be here.

I don't know what happened.

Okay, next up,
2119 North Wallace Street.

- Guys.
- It's a four-bedroom,

one and a half-bath in a...

up-and-coming neighborhood
adjacent to a community garden.

Oh, sounds almost livable.

Heard this place
has a rat problem?

Yeah, and Honduran squatters
living in the basement.

How about 50,000?

50,000 for the four-bedroom.

I have 50,000 bid in the back.

How about 60?
I'm looking for 60,000.

Dive in.

60,000 right there.

I have 70 right there.

80 right here?
I don't think so.

80,000 bid in the back.
How about 90?

I'm looking for 90,000.
You can bid right there.

90,000?

90, thank you.
Now, 100.

This is it.

100, thank you.
Now, 110.

110 going once,
going twice--

Oh, 110 in the back.
Now, 120.

You're out.
You got to be 120.

I got to have 120.

- We're gonna lose it.
- Hurry up, raise the card.

Hurry up, raise the card.

We can't go over 100,000.

New bidder right here.
120 now.

130? You can bid back in.

We're out.

How about her, ma'am?

I can tell you one.
At 130, let me know.

130 in the back, now 40.
Everybody else is out.

You got to be 140.

Are you sure?

130 right here going once.

You don't want to miss it.

130 in the back going twice.

You thinking about it?
For 140,000?

What do you think?
Last call.

Sold, you got her,
130,000.

Thank you.