Shameless (2011–…): Season 4, Episode 9 - The Legend of Bonnie and Carl - full transcript
Fiona gets off house arrest. Lip runs into some "big" issues at school. Ian and Mickey blackmail rich old family men, and Carl finds true love in detention, in a girl who is just as messed up as he is. Debbie is jealous of a new girl.
I have baby soon.
I cannot work.
He must take care
of me and baby.
Oh, my God.
I'm a different person.
I'm done living the way
other people want me to live.
Is your boyfriend here?
Damn.
You know you're dying, right?
Nope, not ready to punch
my ticket yet.
Your wife's water broke.
Let's go.
- Where?
- The hospital.
It's not my fault
the bitch got knocked up.
Three years sober this Monday.
That's really great, Robbie.
- Yeah, that's excellent.
- Congrats.
Thank you so much
for doing all this.
You know, I wish I could think
of a way to repay you.
I'm sure you'll think
of something.
Here's Grandma.
He's such a little angel.
- Kev, she wants to keep him.
- I don't wanna lose him, V.
He'll still be your son, your boy.
Her responsibility.
You know, we can still
do stuff together.
- Yeah, great. Cool.
- Hang out. Like friends do.
- Talk to you later.
- Yeah.
- What's on his face?
- Oh, my God.
He got into my coke.
You will be under house
arrest until further notice.
If you attempt
to leave the residence,
a radio frequency transmitter
will send an alert,
and you will be in deep shit.
Forty-one minutes
until I'm allowed out.
I can almost taste the garbage
and urine-scented air.
Look, I went through the bills.
Cancelled cable.
Carl will just have to deal.
Figure I can keep sneaking
food from the cafeteria.
And then I have
a student loan check coming.
You know, I think that should cover
next month's rent and power.
- What'll you use for tuition?
- I'll think of something.
But that money's for school.
Yeah, well, heat's a little
more important right now.
No, you're not dropping out, okay?
I'm getting a job.
I've got an interview right after
I check in with my probation officer.
Pay's not bad. I got this.
It'll work out, I promise.
- Okay.
- You staying here tonight?
Yeah, no morning classes tomorrow.
- Let's go wake up the little guy.
- Sure.
Make way, I call crapper.
- Mickey's still here?
- I don't fucking know.
Morning, sunshine.
He must've had another nightmare.
I'll check under Debbie's bed.
- Dryer?
- That's the first place I checked.
I don't know
where else he could be.
- Hey.
- Hey, buddy.
Hey, you found
a comfy spot there?
- Hey.
- Hey, how about some juice?
- Yeah.
- You want some juice?
No, we're all out. Hey, can
you tell whoever's going to the store
to get some eggs and Tabasco?
- You live here now?
- Wife problems.
Ian said I could crash
on the floor.
This isn't a shelter.
No shit, shelter has
better water pressure.
All right, buddy,
let's get you dressed.
What are you doing?
- Late night?
- Got outta work around 2:00.
- There any coffee downstairs?
- Yeah, yeah.
- So... Mickey's still here.
- Yeah?
For how long?
Erm...
Are you sure that's a good idea?
Mm! Coffee!
- He's been out 18 hours.
- Is he ever gonna wake up?
I'm not a specialist.
- You're a doctor.
- Resident.
You're the only one
from the hospital who'd come.
I'd make him comfortable
for however much time he has left.
- It's not much.
- That's it?
There's... nothing else you can do?
I'm afraid not.
You said after
I examined him...
- Chuckie, go watch TV.
- Nothing on.
Then go make Mommy a sandwich.
Come on, hop to it. Let's go.
Don't stop.
I can still come if you're crying.
- There you go.
- Made a run to Toys "R" Us.
Figured it would help keep
your little bro occupied.
Yeah, you know, he's three, so...
he's fine with a cardboard box
or a set of keys.
Looks like a satisfied
customer to me.
Now it's big brother's turn.
- I got class.
- Not for another 15 minutes.
I don't plan on keeping you
that long.
No, I try to make a point
of not banging
my roommate's girlfriend, so...
Didn't stop you last time.
- I was asleep.
- Until you weren't.
And we're not banging.
I'm a virgin.
No, I've heard you and Ron
go at it plenty of times.
Backdoor only.
I'm saving myself for my husband.
Right, and how would
your husband feel
about you having taken it
in the seat like a porn star?
Why'd you stop by here
before class?
Admit it, because you were
hoping I'd be here.
Excuse me, guys.
Forgot my Spinoza.
Hey, um...
Listen, I'm so sorry.
Just let me explain.
It's okay, dude. You don't need
to be sorry. I owe you one.
I was starting to hear Amanda
bark orders to me in my dreams.
So we're... we're cool?
The best part about getting
a blowjob from Amanda:
ten minutes of silence.
Come on, dude.
Don't be late for class.
Gallagher.
Good to be out
of the house again.
You staying out of trouble?
Not too much trouble you
can get into on house arrest.
Well, starting today you're allowed
to be out from 8:00am to 6:00pm.
Not 6:01, not 6:02.
6:00pm, you got that?
- Yeah.
- You missed three meetings, Damon.
I caught the flu.
You ain't get my messages?
And if you miss curfew, you'll
violate the terms of your probation
and you can go back to jail.
- You got a job?
- I'm working on it.
Terms of your probation require that
you gain employment within 30 days.
I can give you the name
of an agency.
I've got an interview this afternoon,
an office job.
- That's what I had before.
- Mm-hm.
- When was the last time you used?
- Not since the night of my arrest.
- Going to NA?
- First meeting's tomorrow.
I'll need verification
that you attend.
Just give me a urine sample,
and we are done.
You wanna watch or
am I going stag this time?
- What the...
- You're up.
- How do you feel?
- That smell.
Incense. It's called Persian Spice.
I was afraid it would
stink like the toilet
at a Baghdad bazaar,
but I think it's nice.
- You like it?
- Church music?
I just sent Chuckie out
for some lotion.
Doesn't a massage sound nice?
I've seen this before.
You want a bite to eat?
I could whip you up something.
Okay.
Hospice.
- You must be hungry.
- I'm not dying.
I know this is hard.
I'm just trying to make you
as comfortable as possible.
Then take me to the Alibi.
The... the bar?
I was always comfortable there.
Is there a final resting
place you had in mind?
A cemetery?
The website said
not to use that word.
I am not dying.
Okay.
I am going to fix you
something to eat.
Will you just look at this
while I'm in the kitchen?
Circle your favorite psalms.
No talking.
Do your homework.
You gotta heat the end of it.
- What?
- You're making a shank, right?
You gotta heat the end of it
with a lighter first.
Then smear it in poop before
you use it so it causes infection.
My dad's at
Stateville Correctional.
I'm practicing for when I'm there.
How long they got you
in here for?
Last day. Bullying.
Got two weeks ahead of me.
No talking.
Bitch.
Don't worry.
I'll take care of her.
Thanks for helping me
carry my stuff.
Yeah, what are friends for?
- Since when do you play bass?
- Josh said it was easy to learn.
You know, if I'm honest,
I don't really think
I like trip-hop all that much,
but these guys
are fun to hang out with.
You wanna meet up after,
hate-watch Twilight: Breaking Dawn?
Oh... uh...
- I can't. I'm sorry.
- Work?
No, I'm...
getting together with somebody.
A date?
No worries. That's fine.
- I don't care.
- You don't?
No! Everyone has dates.
I have dates, too.
Oh, okay. We're just going bowling
before her shift starts.
She works at the bowling alley?
- No, pizza place.
- Hmm.
Seema.
She just starting working there.
I trained her.
That's how we met.
How romantic. Sounds nice.
What did you do to her?
Slipped a couple tabs
of acid in her coffee.
You turned Mrs. Spencer
into a zombie?
She's seeing colors,
not gorging on human flesh.
- I'm Bonnie.
- Carl.
Come on, Carl,
let's raid her purse.
I heard her crying
in the bathroom earlier,
so I'm guessing there's
a bunch of Zoloft in there.
Hey, what you doing?
Making shorts for work.
Trolls at the club get off on the
General Patton fantasy?
More like SEAL Team Six.
Excuse me.
Where is he?
The fuck you want?
So your sister knows where you are,
but not mother of your child?
- When you coming home?
- I'm not coming home.
Seven pounds, six ounces.
Weight of your child, if you care.
Fat little fuck, isn't he?
I do everything I can so he doesn't
turn into piece of shit like you.
Yeah, I'm sure you're gonna turn him
into a nice, upstanding citizen
since you've blown
so many of them.
We need money, stroller,
changing pads.
- Go to work.
- I do, but it's not enough for Raisa.
- Who the fuck's Raisa?
- One of the girls.
She fell asleep while using Nair.
She has third-degree burns
on her pubis.
She can't work,
so she watches baby.
Hold on, I'm supposed to pay
some whore on the DL to baby-sit?
You could watch him.
Got better shit to do.
Yeah, like what?
Do ass fuck with orange boy?
- Watch yourself.
- You think you scare me?
You are 130 pounds
of Ukrainian pussy.
What's your father gonna say
when he gets out of jail
and I tell him you spend
every day with orange boy
rubbing your dicks together?
He's gonna cut yours off
and shove it up boyfriend's anus,
right where you like it.
Five hundred dollars tomorrow
or I call him.
Even want to know
your son's name?
Fuck you. That's his name.
So have you ever worked
in furniture before?
No, but trust me
if I can sell cups,
I can sell anything.
Well, we manufacture
waterproof polypropylene covers
that protect sofas and loveseats.
- Great if you have pets.
- Or kids, I bet.
I have five brothers and sisters.
I wish I'd bought one
of these years ago.
You know what,
bring one of these home, okay?
Here. You gotta know what product
you're selling, right?
Absolutely.
Thanks.
Absolutely, I just need you to...
complete the application
before I can send it up
to Mr. Garrett
- with my recommendation.
- I did.
You missed a box.
"Have you ever been
convicted of a felony?"
You just got to dot all the "I"s
and cross all the "T"s, so...
Thanks.
So...
It was a small drug thing.
I was around somebody
that I shouldn't have been
at the wrong time.
It coulda happened to anyone.
It's the only time I've ever
been in trouble with the law.
I got a lot of really good
experience from my last job.
They promoted me really fast.
You know, we will...
We will be in touch.
I became one of
their top salespeople.
Thank you.
Dad?
I made your favorite.
Chicken fried steak
with mashed potatoes and gra...
God.
Oh, fuck.
Fuck.
Dad?
Dad.
What are you doing?
Alibi.
Alibi?
You are in no condition
to go anywhere.
- I'm... I'm fine.
- Oh, come on, come on.
- It's freezing out.
- I'm fine!
Get off of me!
Stop! No.
Look what Liam made,
a Play-Doh you.
There's even a little cigarette.
Can you breathe?
Can you breathe with that?
Listen... I really appreciate you...
looking out for my...
my brother and all.
I'm not really looking
for a girlfriend here.
- That's cute.
- Well, what's cute?
You think I want a boyfriend?
Well... yeah, I mean, you...
you replaced Ron's name with
mine on the mini fridge.
Yeah, I wanted to make sure
he didn't take
the mac and cheese
I made for you.
Oh, sure.
But... all these services
don't come for free.
- Come on.
- Sorry?
Familiar with the term
"quid pro quo"?
Yeah, yeah, that's...
that's Latin for "lick mine,
and I'll lick yours," right?
Need you to meet my mom
and dad for parents' weekend.
- Pretend we're together.
- That's it?
- Just clean up for a dinner?
- No, no clean up.
In fact, wear that shirt
with all the "fucks" on it.
My parents started me
on violin lessons when I was three.
SAT prep when I was 12.
I'm a walking stereotype.
For Christ's sakes,
I'm a math major.
You could do a lot worse
than parents that give a shit.
No, it's time
my mom and dad know
that I'm not gonna be
programmed for med school,
like my older sister.
I need to scare the living
shit out of them.
SO you in?
How about we tell them
Liam's my kid?
Ladies and gentlemen,
we apologize for the delay.
We should be moving shortly.
Hi, sorry.
Is there a problem?
Should have the train
up and running soon.
How soon?
I gotta be home in 20 minutes.
Hey!
Wait!
Wait!
Taxi!
- Hi.
- Off duty.
- How much to back of the yards?
- Off duty.
I am not getting out of this cab.
- Twenty, 25.
- I got 12. Take me as far as you can.
I need to talk to you.
Hey, there he is.
Congratulations, man.
- Drink on the house.
- What for?
The birth of your child.
Yeah, my kid
just popped out too.
But my mother-in-law
won't let me raise him.
- Lucky you.
- Your wife's upstairs.
I'm not looking
at that fucking hose-bag.
Nice way to talk about
the mother of your child.
Her tits are enormous.
Definitely worth
the price of admission.
He doesn't want to hear about you
going balls deep on his wife.
Shut the fuck up. I need my cut
from the business upstairs, please.
All right.
I got it right here.
There's only a couple
hundred bucks here.
Yeah, after expenses.
What expenses other than
sheets and abortions?
Uh... rent for one. Utilities.
You own the fucking place.
Yeah, and I give us
a very fair deal.
I need 500 bucks, Kev.
Five hundred?
Well, I don't have it, man.
You are the worst fucking pimp
I've ever seen.
Is that supposed to be
some kind of insult?
Hey.
Thought you were busy
playing house with Mickey.
His wife stopped by.
With their kid.
Is he gonna be okay?
Mickey?
How the hell should I know?
The baby.
Considering he's being cared for
by a 20-year-old Russian whore,
- could be worse.
- It's freezing out.
She brought him by our house
in nothing but a onesie.
It's... some of Liam's old stuff.
You'll make sure
he's bundled up?
How's Lip?
Don't tell Mickey's wife
where you got this, okay?
I won't.
Is Lip at home?
Back and forth,
but most nights, yeah.
I gotta get to work.
- It's ten more blocks.
- Look at the meter, 11 dollars.
- I said I have 12.
- The tip.
- Hey, where the hell have you been?
- Jesus.
I went to your house,
you weren't there.
My shift's starting.
Look, you got any money on you?
- Few bucks. Why?
- I need more than that.
What for?
My bitch of a wife
thinks I owe her something.
Like I'm the only guy ever
dropped a fucking load in her.
Boys. Ride around the block?
We look like a couple fags
for sale to you?
Yes.
Well, this ain't Macy's, bitch.
You ain't window-shopping.
You're in Boystown,
outside a bar called The Fairy Tail.
Why don't you fuck off
before I give you a broken spine
to go along with that limp wrist?
Yeah, get going, you fucking fruit!
Thinks he can buy
whatever he wants
'cause he's got a fucking
Rolex and an S-Class.
- That shit happen to you a lot?
- Every night.
From rich dudes?
- Gotta get to work.
- Hey, hold on.
Tell your boss you're
going home sick tonight.
Sick?
Yeah, whatever.
Tell him you got AIDS.
I broke down.
- You... get a job?
- It's looking good.
- How's school?
- Yeah, it's... complicated.
Roommate stuff.
The school loan check
came in, though.
We already talked about that.
You're staying in school.
I got leads on jobs.
Don't worry.
- Dinner's ready!
- Is that Mandy?
Yeah, she dropped by looking for Ian.
- He works nights.
- I told her that.
- He won't be home for hours.
- Told her that.
Doesn't she have a boyfriend?
Look, he's at work. Night shift.
I'm gonna go clean up.
Set a place for V. She's coming by.
Fiona home?
Yeah.
Hey, you seen Ian recently?
Yeah, came by today.
Brought over some baby clothes.
He seem okay to you?
I don't know what he's on,
but, yeah, I guess.
- I'm worried about him.
- He's wound up so tight.
He's bound to uncork
at some point.
It's probably healthy.
Hey, Debbie.
Hey, we got...
cafeteria meatloaf for dinner.
And if you douse it
in enough ketchup,
you might not ask yourself
if it's really meat.
Texting your boyfriend?
Deleting his pictures.
Guys suck.
You're just figuring that out now?
- What happened, Debs?
- He's on a date.
How can you tell when
you're in love with someone?
When you wanna rip
someone's heart out
and stomp on it till it's soup.
So... who's the bitch?
Bitch?
The skank who can't
get her own man,
so she moved onto yours?
You think it's her fault?
She knows exactly
what she's doing.
- Feel sorry for her.
- Why?
She doesn't know
who she messed with.
Debbie Gallagher.
Got a room upstairs.
You don't beat around the bush.
I know what I want.
Do you?
No, no, no, only one.
- Yeah, right.
- Got a big day tomorrow.
- Got to get a job.
- You think this is just about you?
You drinking for the both of us.
I'm like a paraplegic telling
you to run the marathon,
'cause my legs won't move.
Once these little girls pop out,
I'm gonna be making up
for lost time.
I'm gonna be downing
my first vodka
before the doctor even pulls
her hand out of my hoo-ha.
- I'll be right there.
- You better.
As long as it's
during daylight hours.
- I almost missed my curfew today.
- What?
I was looking for a job.
Gotta make money.
You know, gotta help out Lip.
You know, he's got
so much on his plate.
I don't know how he's doing it all.
Well, he learned from the best.
I lied to him.
Told him I had some leads.
Only job I could find
was a burger place.
Well, minimum wage
is better than nothing.
It was the night shift.
Couldn't even take it.
You could go back to the suppers.
After they fired me for misconduct?
Yeah, "Hey, Mike,
if you give me another chance,
I promise not to screw your
brother or commit a felony."
If they say they downsized you,
you could get unemployment.
I don't think they're inclined
to do me any favors.
Can't hurt to ask.
I can't go back there.
All right, what
about Gallagher day care?
That was always good
for a few bucks.
Liam!
It's okay.
Just a bad dream?
Yeah, it was just a bad dream.
You're okay.
It's okay.
It's okay.
All right.
You're okay.
Slice of Heaven Pizza.
Skank.
You looking for Angie?
No, the new girl.
Oh, uh, Seema... she just got back
from her deliveries.
Hold on.
Hey, Seema, phone.
Hello?
You don't know who
you messed with, skank.
You like it rough?
Whatever you're into.
Say cheese, mother fucker!
What the hell?
That's Bulgari.
That's, like, 200 bucks cash.
- Nice watch, man.
- What's going on?
- I'm calling the fucking police.
- Yeah, you do that.
What do you think Claire
and little Eleanor
would make of the photo I just took?
Who?
Whatever the fuck
their names are.
- You're gonna out him?
- Only if I have to.
His fault for living a lie, right?
Why don't we take
a little trip downstairs?
Gonna go to the ATM machine.
If you're gonna take my money,
least you can do is have
the twink suck me off.
That's all you think he is?
Some twink?
- He gave me blue balls.
- Did he?
Now they're black and blue balls.
Excuse me.
Please move.
Please move.
Hey, Matt.
Sure, I'd love to see you again.
Yeah, tomorrow night works.
Bye.
Jesus.
What are you doing here?
What happened to my house?
- Where's your mom?
- Out getting diapers for Grandpa.
Is Frank here?
We got your favorite
banana pancakes.
I love banana pancakes.
Is that my shirt?
Yeah, I didn't bring
a change of clothes, so...
- You got coffee?
- Make yourself at home.
You got a problem?
This should more than cover
the Bisquick, asshole.
Hope you're happy about taking
food out of my baby's mouth.
- Yeah, how is your kid?
- How the fuck should I know?
Going for a run. Wanna join?
No, you know, I prefer
carcinogens to endorphins.
- You seen Fiona?
- Left already.
Look, you given any though
to re-enrolling in high school?
Where's my hat?
It's cold out.
Hey, what do you think of gaming?
World of Warcraft, Second Life?
- What, you mean like playing 'em?
- No, no. The business side of it.
Online multiplayer gaming
is the future.
I read all about it in a magazine.
Think you'd be any good at it?
- I don't know.
- Yeah, I think it'd be great.
I got tons of ideas
for games, you know?
Here it is.
Hey, you sure you don't wanna join?
- Eight miles.
- No, I'm good.
- She's a towel-head?
- Indian, I think.
- Matt likes dark meat.
- Goes to nursing school at night.
Like she's something special.
Even has her own apartment.
You followed her home?
Freak.
Matty hasn't texted me
since their last date.
What does she have that I don't?
An apartment.
He's only into her
'cause she's older.
Why do guys
care so much about sex?
- Because it feels awesome.
- Like you would know.
If my hand is anything like
the real thing, it's off the chain.
What are you looking for?
- Need to get back into detention.
- Why?
True love, sis.
So... how's the slaughter house?
Once you get used to the smell...
Who am I kidding?
You never get used to the smell.
I get overtime.
- Any deaths Or dismissals?
- Sorry.
I gotta get Ricky to day care.
Well, that's why
I was dropping by.
I was thinking
maybe I could watch him again.
Thanks, but we're set for now.
Well, I charge a hell of a lot less
than that place over on Cermak.
That's where you're going, right?
And we don't send 'em home
with lice and bite marks.
I'll give you a call
if things change.
Ricky had a great time last
summer at Gallagher day care.
How's the drug thing?
- It was just that one time.
- I'm sorry, Fiona.
Liz, you left him at my house
for an entire weekend once,
while you were up in North Lawndale
sticking a needle in your arm.
Yeah.
Gotta go.
Fuck you.
Frank?
Frank!
Kinda hard to get mad at you
about selling all my furniture
when you're like this.
But I know what it's like
to have your back against the wall.
Roger Running Tree
and I broke up.
It wasn't meant to be.
He's got anger issues.
Plus he's on the run
from the federal government.
Something like collecting
false reparations.
It turns out he has less
Indian blood than I do.
He's mostly Mexican.
But the children, Frank.
Oh, my gosh, Frank,
they're so adorable.
And Roger and I,
we were gonna get married
and adopt them before
he showed his true colors,
which is evidently
brown and not red.
Frank, they're alone in the world.
Do you understand
what I'm getting at?
All I need
is a marriage certificate.
Frank, will you marry me?
Hey. Finishing your
philosophy paper?
- Yeah.
- Better hurry.
You have an econ quiz
in two hours.
Right, you know, about that,
I couldn't help
but notice the schedule.
I made it for you.
Yeah, no, I thought it
might have been you,
and you broke it down
into five-minute segments.
I mean, who schedules
something for 12:55?
So you can better manage your time.
Right, but you even put
in preset bathroom breaks.
I synced it to your new phone.
You got me a new phone?
You're welcome.
Thank you.
But seriously, this...
this schedule, it's just...
It's... It's not me, okay?
I'm not used to having
my dumps planned out in advance.
You know, it's...
I can't...
I can't regiment my life
like that, all right?
That's why I'm doing it for you.
I guess I'm just more of a...
fly by the seat of my pants
kind of guy.
How's that working out for you?
How 'bout a quick BJ then?
BJ break isn't
for another 45 minutes.
Hey!
- What do you want?
- Mandy, she here last night?
- She wasn't with you?
- No, I was at work.
I kept calling the house,
no answer.
Then I call her cell,
she say she's at home.
She with Lip?
You just putting two and two
together?
- Hey, good for you, Einstein.
- He in this motherfucker?
No, asshole's at college.
It's a big place,
lots of buildings.
People go there to learn.
Don't worry about it.
- Man, where at?
- West Maxwell.
Hey, you planning
on giving a beat down
to every guy Mandy's been with?
Your arms are gonna get
fucking tired.
What are you doing?
Stating the obvious.
You just bought yourself
two more weeks' detention.
Cool.
You know, you misspelled
your last name.
Lowenthal Bridal?
Hi, I'm getting remarried.
Oh, thank you.
I'm over the moon about it.
Yeah... and actually,
I bought my wedding dress
from you 22 years ago.
And since then I've lost
a considerable amount of weight.
Anyway, I was wondering if you...
if you could take it in for me.
How many sizes?
Well, I would say a few. I...
Can I call you back?
I need to talk to you
about something very serious.
I can explain the furniture.
And the "For Sale" sign.
And the broken window.
- How do you look in lilac?
- Huh?
Your dress. I want you
to be my maid of honor.
Maid of honor?
- Yes, Frank said "yes".
- What?
Yes, and I've already
booked the church.
And I thought we could
have the reception here.
And I was thinking of,
like, a winter wonderland.
And we would do, like, snowflakes
and white wood and lanterns.
And what do you think?
And, well, your opinion
is very important to me
because I'm gonna be
your new mom.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I don't think Grandpa's breathing.
- No.
- Oh, my God!
I got it, I got it.
Okay.
Dad?
Not yet, Frank!
Not yet!
It's faint, but he's still alive.
Call 911.
Hey, come again.
- Yevgeny
- Huh?
- Name of your son.
- The fuck kinda name is that?
My father's.
The one who sold you
to a pimp for 200 bucks?
You name your kid after him?
It was 300
and he had good qualities, too.
Yeah, clearly.
We're square.
Come home where you belong.
- Wasn't part of the deal.
- Come home.
You breathe a fucking word
about what you think you know,
I promise you your kid's
gonna be an orphan.
Okay.
No domestic abuse.
Take it outside
like everyone else.
Come home or else.
Come on, big boy.
You're next.
Do you want one?
They're on sale.
Maybe. They're so cute.
Let me know if I can help
with anything.
Okay.
Oh, my God.
- Hey!
- Where is he?
You can't just
come in here like that.
- Gallagher.
- Who?
So my wife comes
to me, shaking.
Wedding ring's missing.
Cleaning woman?
Super?
I grabbed the phone,
pretended to report it to the police.
I didn't have the heart to
tell her that I pawned the ring
for a few rocks.
Worst part? I didn't even
share any of it with her.
Look, look, anyway, that was...
that was six years ago,
and every day I thank God that
I'm here instead of back there.
Same time tomorrow.
If you have a court card,
come up and I'll sign it.
- Hope we didn't disturb you.
- Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude.
I just...
I don't have a drug problem.
No, not like I do,
but I don't think I do.
I really don't.
I just need my card signed
so I can go look for a job.
Might be able
to help you with both.
Seriously?
Full disclosure, I...
I have a felony.
You and 90 percent
of everyone else here.
I did a year for solicitation.
Tell Juan that Kim sent you.
That is so nice.
It's not hooking, right?
It is hooking?
Puts food on the table for my kids.
Thought you served your time.
- You see the lockers?
- That was you?
I'm kind of a badass.
You wanna have some fun?
Yeah.
- No, I'm fine.
- They're trying to help.
- Get your hands off of me.
- Dad, please.
- Need blood pressure.
- Fuck off!
- Come on, Dad, stop.
- Get out!
Sir, we need to take you to the ER.
- Fisher, on three.
- No, no.
One, two...
Jesus Christ.
I do not want
to go to the hospital!
Sir, are you refusing treatment?
- You're leaving?
- Can't force him.
Well, why?
You bitch!
I thought you needed some help.
I never should have
tried to find you.
Don't say that.
It's not a mystery
that men leave you!
I don't want you to leave!
That's why I called them!
I don't want you to leave!
Okay.
I don't know what else to do.
Something for the pain, please.
Don't move.
I will be right back.
Yeah, Lowenthal Bridal?
Yeah, it's Sheila Jackson.
Yeah, I need to move
the wedding up.
Is there any way
I could get the dress sooner?
How about tomorrow?
Engels, a genius?
More like Marx's
glorified butt buddy.
Shit.
Here, hold this.
- What'd I do?
- Mandy!
No, I didn't!
Fuck! All right!
Okay. Just once though.
- Come here!
- Shit!
You didn't want that answer?
Excuse me.
All right, look,
we're done though.
Okay?
I got a girlfriend.
Maybe I should do yours
like you did mine.
But only in the ass, all right?
- She's saving herself.
- Fuck this!
Come here!
Hey! Hey!
Get off him! Get off!
- All right, all right.
- Knock it off.
Let's see some ID. Both of you.
You go to school here?
Look, I don't...
I don't know him, officers.
You know, he just...
He asked if I wanted to buy
any crack, and when I said no...
Fuck you!
So what do you wanna do?
I can get my hands on
some firecrackers and gasoline.
Cool. I shot a MAC-10 before,
but never one of those.
- It's fake.
- Looks real.
Need it to if we're gonna
get the guy behind the counter
to give us all the money
in the register.
Don't have to.
I can do it alone.
No, I can do it.
Sure you're ready to pop
your armed robbery cherry?
Yeah, I've done it lots
of times before.
You're cute.
Black or camo?
Fiona, hi.
Did you not get your last check?
No, I did.
- I have a favor to ask you.
- Sure.
- How you holding up?
- l’ve been better.
I was wondering if...
instead of being fired
for misconduct,
you could make it
so that I was downsized?
I don't...
I wouldn't ask if I had
any other options.
Let me see what I can do.
You have a hell of a lot of nerve.
I withheld judgment
when my brother brought you home.
I said to myself, "She can't
help where she came from,
how she was raised,
who her parents are."
My mom and dad invited you
into their home.
They let you sit at their table
with our family,
and in return, you destroyed Mike.
All of us.
And now you come here and you ask
if we will lie for you
to the federal government.
You think that you're
a good person.
You're not.
Destroy your own family.
And leave mine alone.
Empty the register!
Is this a joke?
The cash! Now!
Yeah, I'm just
gonna hand over my money
to the lollipop guild.
Shit!
- Holy fuck.
- Get the bag.
Sorry. Okay? Take it.
You said it was fake.
You should have seen your face.
- How much we get?
- You keep it.
That was awesome.
I think that guy crapped his pants.
Tomorrow let's hit a bank.
Hey, you find Gallagher?
Yeah, excuse you, asshole.
You watch baby?
No.
The fuck you looking at?
Hey, Matty,
what are you up to tonight?
Thought you might be free.
Call me.
I don't give a shit if you're ten
years old and playing with dolls.
You want a war, you got it.
You don't know
who you messed with, bitch.
You awake?
Guys are asking for you downstairs.
What guys?
Here we go.
You're almost down.
Okay.
A-ha!
Get your ass down here, Frank.
- What is this?
- Couldn't bring you to the bar.
So we brought the bar to you.
Even John Wayne Gacy
got a last meal.
Got him, fellas?
- We got him, doll, thanks.
- Here.
Get your ass over here, Frank.
Come on.
We got something over here for you.
- Yeah.
- Have a seat, man.
- That a boy.
- There you go.
Got a frosty brew for you here.
- Can't.
- It's non-alcoholic.
Add that to the list of things
I thought I'd never see.
Obama's birth certificate,
and now Frank drinking O'Doul's.
Please, don't tell me
you're buying that forgery.
It was certified!
It was certified?
I'm from Kenosha.
I could have a certified Hawaii birth
certificate sent here in 20 minutes.
You are never convinced.
Of him being born
and having it sealed, the whole nine.
Yeah, that's...
I shoulda told the fucking
cops that it was you!
- I shoulda told them it was you!
- Hey, hey, all right.
Everything was great,
and now it's fucked!
Everything is fucked
because of you.
I cannot work.
He must take care
of me and baby.
Oh, my God.
I'm a different person.
I'm done living the way
other people want me to live.
Is your boyfriend here?
Damn.
You know you're dying, right?
Nope, not ready to punch
my ticket yet.
Your wife's water broke.
Let's go.
- Where?
- The hospital.
It's not my fault
the bitch got knocked up.
Three years sober this Monday.
That's really great, Robbie.
- Yeah, that's excellent.
- Congrats.
Thank you so much
for doing all this.
You know, I wish I could think
of a way to repay you.
I'm sure you'll think
of something.
Here's Grandma.
He's such a little angel.
- Kev, she wants to keep him.
- I don't wanna lose him, V.
He'll still be your son, your boy.
Her responsibility.
You know, we can still
do stuff together.
- Yeah, great. Cool.
- Hang out. Like friends do.
- Talk to you later.
- Yeah.
- What's on his face?
- Oh, my God.
He got into my coke.
You will be under house
arrest until further notice.
If you attempt
to leave the residence,
a radio frequency transmitter
will send an alert,
and you will be in deep shit.
Forty-one minutes
until I'm allowed out.
I can almost taste the garbage
and urine-scented air.
Look, I went through the bills.
Cancelled cable.
Carl will just have to deal.
Figure I can keep sneaking
food from the cafeteria.
And then I have
a student loan check coming.
You know, I think that should cover
next month's rent and power.
- What'll you use for tuition?
- I'll think of something.
But that money's for school.
Yeah, well, heat's a little
more important right now.
No, you're not dropping out, okay?
I'm getting a job.
I've got an interview right after
I check in with my probation officer.
Pay's not bad. I got this.
It'll work out, I promise.
- Okay.
- You staying here tonight?
Yeah, no morning classes tomorrow.
- Let's go wake up the little guy.
- Sure.
Make way, I call crapper.
- Mickey's still here?
- I don't fucking know.
Morning, sunshine.
He must've had another nightmare.
I'll check under Debbie's bed.
- Dryer?
- That's the first place I checked.
I don't know
where else he could be.
- Hey.
- Hey, buddy.
Hey, you found
a comfy spot there?
- Hey.
- Hey, how about some juice?
- Yeah.
- You want some juice?
No, we're all out. Hey, can
you tell whoever's going to the store
to get some eggs and Tabasco?
- You live here now?
- Wife problems.
Ian said I could crash
on the floor.
This isn't a shelter.
No shit, shelter has
better water pressure.
All right, buddy,
let's get you dressed.
What are you doing?
- Late night?
- Got outta work around 2:00.
- There any coffee downstairs?
- Yeah, yeah.
- So... Mickey's still here.
- Yeah?
For how long?
Erm...
Are you sure that's a good idea?
Mm! Coffee!
- He's been out 18 hours.
- Is he ever gonna wake up?
I'm not a specialist.
- You're a doctor.
- Resident.
You're the only one
from the hospital who'd come.
I'd make him comfortable
for however much time he has left.
- It's not much.
- That's it?
There's... nothing else you can do?
I'm afraid not.
You said after
I examined him...
- Chuckie, go watch TV.
- Nothing on.
Then go make Mommy a sandwich.
Come on, hop to it. Let's go.
Don't stop.
I can still come if you're crying.
- There you go.
- Made a run to Toys "R" Us.
Figured it would help keep
your little bro occupied.
Yeah, you know, he's three, so...
he's fine with a cardboard box
or a set of keys.
Looks like a satisfied
customer to me.
Now it's big brother's turn.
- I got class.
- Not for another 15 minutes.
I don't plan on keeping you
that long.
No, I try to make a point
of not banging
my roommate's girlfriend, so...
Didn't stop you last time.
- I was asleep.
- Until you weren't.
And we're not banging.
I'm a virgin.
No, I've heard you and Ron
go at it plenty of times.
Backdoor only.
I'm saving myself for my husband.
Right, and how would
your husband feel
about you having taken it
in the seat like a porn star?
Why'd you stop by here
before class?
Admit it, because you were
hoping I'd be here.
Excuse me, guys.
Forgot my Spinoza.
Hey, um...
Listen, I'm so sorry.
Just let me explain.
It's okay, dude. You don't need
to be sorry. I owe you one.
I was starting to hear Amanda
bark orders to me in my dreams.
So we're... we're cool?
The best part about getting
a blowjob from Amanda:
ten minutes of silence.
Come on, dude.
Don't be late for class.
Gallagher.
Good to be out
of the house again.
You staying out of trouble?
Not too much trouble you
can get into on house arrest.
Well, starting today you're allowed
to be out from 8:00am to 6:00pm.
Not 6:01, not 6:02.
6:00pm, you got that?
- Yeah.
- You missed three meetings, Damon.
I caught the flu.
You ain't get my messages?
And if you miss curfew, you'll
violate the terms of your probation
and you can go back to jail.
- You got a job?
- I'm working on it.
Terms of your probation require that
you gain employment within 30 days.
I can give you the name
of an agency.
I've got an interview this afternoon,
an office job.
- That's what I had before.
- Mm-hm.
- When was the last time you used?
- Not since the night of my arrest.
- Going to NA?
- First meeting's tomorrow.
I'll need verification
that you attend.
Just give me a urine sample,
and we are done.
You wanna watch or
am I going stag this time?
- What the...
- You're up.
- How do you feel?
- That smell.
Incense. It's called Persian Spice.
I was afraid it would
stink like the toilet
at a Baghdad bazaar,
but I think it's nice.
- You like it?
- Church music?
I just sent Chuckie out
for some lotion.
Doesn't a massage sound nice?
I've seen this before.
You want a bite to eat?
I could whip you up something.
Okay.
Hospice.
- You must be hungry.
- I'm not dying.
I know this is hard.
I'm just trying to make you
as comfortable as possible.
Then take me to the Alibi.
The... the bar?
I was always comfortable there.
Is there a final resting
place you had in mind?
A cemetery?
The website said
not to use that word.
I am not dying.
Okay.
I am going to fix you
something to eat.
Will you just look at this
while I'm in the kitchen?
Circle your favorite psalms.
No talking.
Do your homework.
You gotta heat the end of it.
- What?
- You're making a shank, right?
You gotta heat the end of it
with a lighter first.
Then smear it in poop before
you use it so it causes infection.
My dad's at
Stateville Correctional.
I'm practicing for when I'm there.
How long they got you
in here for?
Last day. Bullying.
Got two weeks ahead of me.
No talking.
Bitch.
Don't worry.
I'll take care of her.
Thanks for helping me
carry my stuff.
Yeah, what are friends for?
- Since when do you play bass?
- Josh said it was easy to learn.
You know, if I'm honest,
I don't really think
I like trip-hop all that much,
but these guys
are fun to hang out with.
You wanna meet up after,
hate-watch Twilight: Breaking Dawn?
Oh... uh...
- I can't. I'm sorry.
- Work?
No, I'm...
getting together with somebody.
A date?
No worries. That's fine.
- I don't care.
- You don't?
No! Everyone has dates.
I have dates, too.
Oh, okay. We're just going bowling
before her shift starts.
She works at the bowling alley?
- No, pizza place.
- Hmm.
Seema.
She just starting working there.
I trained her.
That's how we met.
How romantic. Sounds nice.
What did you do to her?
Slipped a couple tabs
of acid in her coffee.
You turned Mrs. Spencer
into a zombie?
She's seeing colors,
not gorging on human flesh.
- I'm Bonnie.
- Carl.
Come on, Carl,
let's raid her purse.
I heard her crying
in the bathroom earlier,
so I'm guessing there's
a bunch of Zoloft in there.
Hey, what you doing?
Making shorts for work.
Trolls at the club get off on the
General Patton fantasy?
More like SEAL Team Six.
Excuse me.
Where is he?
The fuck you want?
So your sister knows where you are,
but not mother of your child?
- When you coming home?
- I'm not coming home.
Seven pounds, six ounces.
Weight of your child, if you care.
Fat little fuck, isn't he?
I do everything I can so he doesn't
turn into piece of shit like you.
Yeah, I'm sure you're gonna turn him
into a nice, upstanding citizen
since you've blown
so many of them.
We need money, stroller,
changing pads.
- Go to work.
- I do, but it's not enough for Raisa.
- Who the fuck's Raisa?
- One of the girls.
She fell asleep while using Nair.
She has third-degree burns
on her pubis.
She can't work,
so she watches baby.
Hold on, I'm supposed to pay
some whore on the DL to baby-sit?
You could watch him.
Got better shit to do.
Yeah, like what?
Do ass fuck with orange boy?
- Watch yourself.
- You think you scare me?
You are 130 pounds
of Ukrainian pussy.
What's your father gonna say
when he gets out of jail
and I tell him you spend
every day with orange boy
rubbing your dicks together?
He's gonna cut yours off
and shove it up boyfriend's anus,
right where you like it.
Five hundred dollars tomorrow
or I call him.
Even want to know
your son's name?
Fuck you. That's his name.
So have you ever worked
in furniture before?
No, but trust me
if I can sell cups,
I can sell anything.
Well, we manufacture
waterproof polypropylene covers
that protect sofas and loveseats.
- Great if you have pets.
- Or kids, I bet.
I have five brothers and sisters.
I wish I'd bought one
of these years ago.
You know what,
bring one of these home, okay?
Here. You gotta know what product
you're selling, right?
Absolutely.
Thanks.
Absolutely, I just need you to...
complete the application
before I can send it up
to Mr. Garrett
- with my recommendation.
- I did.
You missed a box.
"Have you ever been
convicted of a felony?"
You just got to dot all the "I"s
and cross all the "T"s, so...
Thanks.
So...
It was a small drug thing.
I was around somebody
that I shouldn't have been
at the wrong time.
It coulda happened to anyone.
It's the only time I've ever
been in trouble with the law.
I got a lot of really good
experience from my last job.
They promoted me really fast.
You know, we will...
We will be in touch.
I became one of
their top salespeople.
Thank you.
Dad?
I made your favorite.
Chicken fried steak
with mashed potatoes and gra...
God.
Oh, fuck.
Fuck.
Dad?
Dad.
What are you doing?
Alibi.
Alibi?
You are in no condition
to go anywhere.
- I'm... I'm fine.
- Oh, come on, come on.
- It's freezing out.
- I'm fine!
Get off of me!
Stop! No.
Look what Liam made,
a Play-Doh you.
There's even a little cigarette.
Can you breathe?
Can you breathe with that?
Listen... I really appreciate you...
looking out for my...
my brother and all.
I'm not really looking
for a girlfriend here.
- That's cute.
- Well, what's cute?
You think I want a boyfriend?
Well... yeah, I mean, you...
you replaced Ron's name with
mine on the mini fridge.
Yeah, I wanted to make sure
he didn't take
the mac and cheese
I made for you.
Oh, sure.
But... all these services
don't come for free.
- Come on.
- Sorry?
Familiar with the term
"quid pro quo"?
Yeah, yeah, that's...
that's Latin for "lick mine,
and I'll lick yours," right?
Need you to meet my mom
and dad for parents' weekend.
- Pretend we're together.
- That's it?
- Just clean up for a dinner?
- No, no clean up.
In fact, wear that shirt
with all the "fucks" on it.
My parents started me
on violin lessons when I was three.
SAT prep when I was 12.
I'm a walking stereotype.
For Christ's sakes,
I'm a math major.
You could do a lot worse
than parents that give a shit.
No, it's time
my mom and dad know
that I'm not gonna be
programmed for med school,
like my older sister.
I need to scare the living
shit out of them.
SO you in?
How about we tell them
Liam's my kid?
Ladies and gentlemen,
we apologize for the delay.
We should be moving shortly.
Hi, sorry.
Is there a problem?
Should have the train
up and running soon.
How soon?
I gotta be home in 20 minutes.
Hey!
Wait!
Wait!
Taxi!
- Hi.
- Off duty.
- How much to back of the yards?
- Off duty.
I am not getting out of this cab.
- Twenty, 25.
- I got 12. Take me as far as you can.
I need to talk to you.
Hey, there he is.
Congratulations, man.
- Drink on the house.
- What for?
The birth of your child.
Yeah, my kid
just popped out too.
But my mother-in-law
won't let me raise him.
- Lucky you.
- Your wife's upstairs.
I'm not looking
at that fucking hose-bag.
Nice way to talk about
the mother of your child.
Her tits are enormous.
Definitely worth
the price of admission.
He doesn't want to hear about you
going balls deep on his wife.
Shut the fuck up. I need my cut
from the business upstairs, please.
All right.
I got it right here.
There's only a couple
hundred bucks here.
Yeah, after expenses.
What expenses other than
sheets and abortions?
Uh... rent for one. Utilities.
You own the fucking place.
Yeah, and I give us
a very fair deal.
I need 500 bucks, Kev.
Five hundred?
Well, I don't have it, man.
You are the worst fucking pimp
I've ever seen.
Is that supposed to be
some kind of insult?
Hey.
Thought you were busy
playing house with Mickey.
His wife stopped by.
With their kid.
Is he gonna be okay?
Mickey?
How the hell should I know?
The baby.
Considering he's being cared for
by a 20-year-old Russian whore,
- could be worse.
- It's freezing out.
She brought him by our house
in nothing but a onesie.
It's... some of Liam's old stuff.
You'll make sure
he's bundled up?
How's Lip?
Don't tell Mickey's wife
where you got this, okay?
I won't.
Is Lip at home?
Back and forth,
but most nights, yeah.
I gotta get to work.
- It's ten more blocks.
- Look at the meter, 11 dollars.
- I said I have 12.
- The tip.
- Hey, where the hell have you been?
- Jesus.
I went to your house,
you weren't there.
My shift's starting.
Look, you got any money on you?
- Few bucks. Why?
- I need more than that.
What for?
My bitch of a wife
thinks I owe her something.
Like I'm the only guy ever
dropped a fucking load in her.
Boys. Ride around the block?
We look like a couple fags
for sale to you?
Yes.
Well, this ain't Macy's, bitch.
You ain't window-shopping.
You're in Boystown,
outside a bar called The Fairy Tail.
Why don't you fuck off
before I give you a broken spine
to go along with that limp wrist?
Yeah, get going, you fucking fruit!
Thinks he can buy
whatever he wants
'cause he's got a fucking
Rolex and an S-Class.
- That shit happen to you a lot?
- Every night.
From rich dudes?
- Gotta get to work.
- Hey, hold on.
Tell your boss you're
going home sick tonight.
Sick?
Yeah, whatever.
Tell him you got AIDS.
I broke down.
- You... get a job?
- It's looking good.
- How's school?
- Yeah, it's... complicated.
Roommate stuff.
The school loan check
came in, though.
We already talked about that.
You're staying in school.
I got leads on jobs.
Don't worry.
- Dinner's ready!
- Is that Mandy?
Yeah, she dropped by looking for Ian.
- He works nights.
- I told her that.
- He won't be home for hours.
- Told her that.
Doesn't she have a boyfriend?
Look, he's at work. Night shift.
I'm gonna go clean up.
Set a place for V. She's coming by.
Fiona home?
Yeah.
Hey, you seen Ian recently?
Yeah, came by today.
Brought over some baby clothes.
He seem okay to you?
I don't know what he's on,
but, yeah, I guess.
- I'm worried about him.
- He's wound up so tight.
He's bound to uncork
at some point.
It's probably healthy.
Hey, Debbie.
Hey, we got...
cafeteria meatloaf for dinner.
And if you douse it
in enough ketchup,
you might not ask yourself
if it's really meat.
Texting your boyfriend?
Deleting his pictures.
Guys suck.
You're just figuring that out now?
- What happened, Debs?
- He's on a date.
How can you tell when
you're in love with someone?
When you wanna rip
someone's heart out
and stomp on it till it's soup.
So... who's the bitch?
Bitch?
The skank who can't
get her own man,
so she moved onto yours?
You think it's her fault?
She knows exactly
what she's doing.
- Feel sorry for her.
- Why?
She doesn't know
who she messed with.
Debbie Gallagher.
Got a room upstairs.
You don't beat around the bush.
I know what I want.
Do you?
No, no, no, only one.
- Yeah, right.
- Got a big day tomorrow.
- Got to get a job.
- You think this is just about you?
You drinking for the both of us.
I'm like a paraplegic telling
you to run the marathon,
'cause my legs won't move.
Once these little girls pop out,
I'm gonna be making up
for lost time.
I'm gonna be downing
my first vodka
before the doctor even pulls
her hand out of my hoo-ha.
- I'll be right there.
- You better.
As long as it's
during daylight hours.
- I almost missed my curfew today.
- What?
I was looking for a job.
Gotta make money.
You know, gotta help out Lip.
You know, he's got
so much on his plate.
I don't know how he's doing it all.
Well, he learned from the best.
I lied to him.
Told him I had some leads.
Only job I could find
was a burger place.
Well, minimum wage
is better than nothing.
It was the night shift.
Couldn't even take it.
You could go back to the suppers.
After they fired me for misconduct?
Yeah, "Hey, Mike,
if you give me another chance,
I promise not to screw your
brother or commit a felony."
If they say they downsized you,
you could get unemployment.
I don't think they're inclined
to do me any favors.
Can't hurt to ask.
I can't go back there.
All right, what
about Gallagher day care?
That was always good
for a few bucks.
Liam!
It's okay.
Just a bad dream?
Yeah, it was just a bad dream.
You're okay.
It's okay.
It's okay.
All right.
You're okay.
Slice of Heaven Pizza.
Skank.
You looking for Angie?
No, the new girl.
Oh, uh, Seema... she just got back
from her deliveries.
Hold on.
Hey, Seema, phone.
Hello?
You don't know who
you messed with, skank.
You like it rough?
Whatever you're into.
Say cheese, mother fucker!
What the hell?
That's Bulgari.
That's, like, 200 bucks cash.
- Nice watch, man.
- What's going on?
- I'm calling the fucking police.
- Yeah, you do that.
What do you think Claire
and little Eleanor
would make of the photo I just took?
Who?
Whatever the fuck
their names are.
- You're gonna out him?
- Only if I have to.
His fault for living a lie, right?
Why don't we take
a little trip downstairs?
Gonna go to the ATM machine.
If you're gonna take my money,
least you can do is have
the twink suck me off.
That's all you think he is?
Some twink?
- He gave me blue balls.
- Did he?
Now they're black and blue balls.
Excuse me.
Please move.
Please move.
Hey, Matt.
Sure, I'd love to see you again.
Yeah, tomorrow night works.
Bye.
Jesus.
What are you doing here?
What happened to my house?
- Where's your mom?
- Out getting diapers for Grandpa.
Is Frank here?
We got your favorite
banana pancakes.
I love banana pancakes.
Is that my shirt?
Yeah, I didn't bring
a change of clothes, so...
- You got coffee?
- Make yourself at home.
You got a problem?
This should more than cover
the Bisquick, asshole.
Hope you're happy about taking
food out of my baby's mouth.
- Yeah, how is your kid?
- How the fuck should I know?
Going for a run. Wanna join?
No, you know, I prefer
carcinogens to endorphins.
- You seen Fiona?
- Left already.
Look, you given any though
to re-enrolling in high school?
Where's my hat?
It's cold out.
Hey, what do you think of gaming?
World of Warcraft, Second Life?
- What, you mean like playing 'em?
- No, no. The business side of it.
Online multiplayer gaming
is the future.
I read all about it in a magazine.
Think you'd be any good at it?
- I don't know.
- Yeah, I think it'd be great.
I got tons of ideas
for games, you know?
Here it is.
Hey, you sure you don't wanna join?
- Eight miles.
- No, I'm good.
- She's a towel-head?
- Indian, I think.
- Matt likes dark meat.
- Goes to nursing school at night.
Like she's something special.
Even has her own apartment.
You followed her home?
Freak.
Matty hasn't texted me
since their last date.
What does she have that I don't?
An apartment.
He's only into her
'cause she's older.
Why do guys
care so much about sex?
- Because it feels awesome.
- Like you would know.
If my hand is anything like
the real thing, it's off the chain.
What are you looking for?
- Need to get back into detention.
- Why?
True love, sis.
So... how's the slaughter house?
Once you get used to the smell...
Who am I kidding?
You never get used to the smell.
I get overtime.
- Any deaths Or dismissals?
- Sorry.
I gotta get Ricky to day care.
Well, that's why
I was dropping by.
I was thinking
maybe I could watch him again.
Thanks, but we're set for now.
Well, I charge a hell of a lot less
than that place over on Cermak.
That's where you're going, right?
And we don't send 'em home
with lice and bite marks.
I'll give you a call
if things change.
Ricky had a great time last
summer at Gallagher day care.
How's the drug thing?
- It was just that one time.
- I'm sorry, Fiona.
Liz, you left him at my house
for an entire weekend once,
while you were up in North Lawndale
sticking a needle in your arm.
Yeah.
Gotta go.
Fuck you.
Frank?
Frank!
Kinda hard to get mad at you
about selling all my furniture
when you're like this.
But I know what it's like
to have your back against the wall.
Roger Running Tree
and I broke up.
It wasn't meant to be.
He's got anger issues.
Plus he's on the run
from the federal government.
Something like collecting
false reparations.
It turns out he has less
Indian blood than I do.
He's mostly Mexican.
But the children, Frank.
Oh, my gosh, Frank,
they're so adorable.
And Roger and I,
we were gonna get married
and adopt them before
he showed his true colors,
which is evidently
brown and not red.
Frank, they're alone in the world.
Do you understand
what I'm getting at?
All I need
is a marriage certificate.
Frank, will you marry me?
Hey. Finishing your
philosophy paper?
- Yeah.
- Better hurry.
You have an econ quiz
in two hours.
Right, you know, about that,
I couldn't help
but notice the schedule.
I made it for you.
Yeah, no, I thought it
might have been you,
and you broke it down
into five-minute segments.
I mean, who schedules
something for 12:55?
So you can better manage your time.
Right, but you even put
in preset bathroom breaks.
I synced it to your new phone.
You got me a new phone?
You're welcome.
Thank you.
But seriously, this...
this schedule, it's just...
It's... It's not me, okay?
I'm not used to having
my dumps planned out in advance.
You know, it's...
I can't...
I can't regiment my life
like that, all right?
That's why I'm doing it for you.
I guess I'm just more of a...
fly by the seat of my pants
kind of guy.
How's that working out for you?
How 'bout a quick BJ then?
BJ break isn't
for another 45 minutes.
Hey!
- What do you want?
- Mandy, she here last night?
- She wasn't with you?
- No, I was at work.
I kept calling the house,
no answer.
Then I call her cell,
she say she's at home.
She with Lip?
You just putting two and two
together?
- Hey, good for you, Einstein.
- He in this motherfucker?
No, asshole's at college.
It's a big place,
lots of buildings.
People go there to learn.
Don't worry about it.
- Man, where at?
- West Maxwell.
Hey, you planning
on giving a beat down
to every guy Mandy's been with?
Your arms are gonna get
fucking tired.
What are you doing?
Stating the obvious.
You just bought yourself
two more weeks' detention.
Cool.
You know, you misspelled
your last name.
Lowenthal Bridal?
Hi, I'm getting remarried.
Oh, thank you.
I'm over the moon about it.
Yeah... and actually,
I bought my wedding dress
from you 22 years ago.
And since then I've lost
a considerable amount of weight.
Anyway, I was wondering if you...
if you could take it in for me.
How many sizes?
Well, I would say a few. I...
Can I call you back?
I need to talk to you
about something very serious.
I can explain the furniture.
And the "For Sale" sign.
And the broken window.
- How do you look in lilac?
- Huh?
Your dress. I want you
to be my maid of honor.
Maid of honor?
- Yes, Frank said "yes".
- What?
Yes, and I've already
booked the church.
And I thought we could
have the reception here.
And I was thinking of,
like, a winter wonderland.
And we would do, like, snowflakes
and white wood and lanterns.
And what do you think?
And, well, your opinion
is very important to me
because I'm gonna be
your new mom.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I don't think Grandpa's breathing.
- No.
- Oh, my God!
I got it, I got it.
Okay.
Dad?
Not yet, Frank!
Not yet!
It's faint, but he's still alive.
Call 911.
Hey, come again.
- Yevgeny
- Huh?
- Name of your son.
- The fuck kinda name is that?
My father's.
The one who sold you
to a pimp for 200 bucks?
You name your kid after him?
It was 300
and he had good qualities, too.
Yeah, clearly.
We're square.
Come home where you belong.
- Wasn't part of the deal.
- Come home.
You breathe a fucking word
about what you think you know,
I promise you your kid's
gonna be an orphan.
Okay.
No domestic abuse.
Take it outside
like everyone else.
Come home or else.
Come on, big boy.
You're next.
Do you want one?
They're on sale.
Maybe. They're so cute.
Let me know if I can help
with anything.
Okay.
Oh, my God.
- Hey!
- Where is he?
You can't just
come in here like that.
- Gallagher.
- Who?
So my wife comes
to me, shaking.
Wedding ring's missing.
Cleaning woman?
Super?
I grabbed the phone,
pretended to report it to the police.
I didn't have the heart to
tell her that I pawned the ring
for a few rocks.
Worst part? I didn't even
share any of it with her.
Look, look, anyway, that was...
that was six years ago,
and every day I thank God that
I'm here instead of back there.
Same time tomorrow.
If you have a court card,
come up and I'll sign it.
- Hope we didn't disturb you.
- Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude.
I just...
I don't have a drug problem.
No, not like I do,
but I don't think I do.
I really don't.
I just need my card signed
so I can go look for a job.
Might be able
to help you with both.
Seriously?
Full disclosure, I...
I have a felony.
You and 90 percent
of everyone else here.
I did a year for solicitation.
Tell Juan that Kim sent you.
That is so nice.
It's not hooking, right?
It is hooking?
Puts food on the table for my kids.
Thought you served your time.
- You see the lockers?
- That was you?
I'm kind of a badass.
You wanna have some fun?
Yeah.
- No, I'm fine.
- They're trying to help.
- Get your hands off of me.
- Dad, please.
- Need blood pressure.
- Fuck off!
- Come on, Dad, stop.
- Get out!
Sir, we need to take you to the ER.
- Fisher, on three.
- No, no.
One, two...
Jesus Christ.
I do not want
to go to the hospital!
Sir, are you refusing treatment?
- You're leaving?
- Can't force him.
Well, why?
You bitch!
I thought you needed some help.
I never should have
tried to find you.
Don't say that.
It's not a mystery
that men leave you!
I don't want you to leave!
That's why I called them!
I don't want you to leave!
Okay.
I don't know what else to do.
Something for the pain, please.
Don't move.
I will be right back.
Yeah, Lowenthal Bridal?
Yeah, it's Sheila Jackson.
Yeah, I need to move
the wedding up.
Is there any way
I could get the dress sooner?
How about tomorrow?
Engels, a genius?
More like Marx's
glorified butt buddy.
Shit.
Here, hold this.
- What'd I do?
- Mandy!
No, I didn't!
Fuck! All right!
Okay. Just once though.
- Come here!
- Shit!
You didn't want that answer?
Excuse me.
All right, look,
we're done though.
Okay?
I got a girlfriend.
Maybe I should do yours
like you did mine.
But only in the ass, all right?
- She's saving herself.
- Fuck this!
Come here!
Hey! Hey!
Get off him! Get off!
- All right, all right.
- Knock it off.
Let's see some ID. Both of you.
You go to school here?
Look, I don't...
I don't know him, officers.
You know, he just...
He asked if I wanted to buy
any crack, and when I said no...
Fuck you!
So what do you wanna do?
I can get my hands on
some firecrackers and gasoline.
Cool. I shot a MAC-10 before,
but never one of those.
- It's fake.
- Looks real.
Need it to if we're gonna
get the guy behind the counter
to give us all the money
in the register.
Don't have to.
I can do it alone.
No, I can do it.
Sure you're ready to pop
your armed robbery cherry?
Yeah, I've done it lots
of times before.
You're cute.
Black or camo?
Fiona, hi.
Did you not get your last check?
No, I did.
- I have a favor to ask you.
- Sure.
- How you holding up?
- l’ve been better.
I was wondering if...
instead of being fired
for misconduct,
you could make it
so that I was downsized?
I don't...
I wouldn't ask if I had
any other options.
Let me see what I can do.
You have a hell of a lot of nerve.
I withheld judgment
when my brother brought you home.
I said to myself, "She can't
help where she came from,
how she was raised,
who her parents are."
My mom and dad invited you
into their home.
They let you sit at their table
with our family,
and in return, you destroyed Mike.
All of us.
And now you come here and you ask
if we will lie for you
to the federal government.
You think that you're
a good person.
You're not.
Destroy your own family.
And leave mine alone.
Empty the register!
Is this a joke?
The cash! Now!
Yeah, I'm just
gonna hand over my money
to the lollipop guild.
Shit!
- Holy fuck.
- Get the bag.
Sorry. Okay? Take it.
You said it was fake.
You should have seen your face.
- How much we get?
- You keep it.
That was awesome.
I think that guy crapped his pants.
Tomorrow let's hit a bank.
Hey, you find Gallagher?
Yeah, excuse you, asshole.
You watch baby?
No.
The fuck you looking at?
Hey, Matty,
what are you up to tonight?
Thought you might be free.
Call me.
I don't give a shit if you're ten
years old and playing with dolls.
You want a war, you got it.
You don't know
who you messed with, bitch.
You awake?
Guys are asking for you downstairs.
What guys?
Here we go.
You're almost down.
Okay.
A-ha!
Get your ass down here, Frank.
- What is this?
- Couldn't bring you to the bar.
So we brought the bar to you.
Even John Wayne Gacy
got a last meal.
Got him, fellas?
- We got him, doll, thanks.
- Here.
Get your ass over here, Frank.
Come on.
We got something over here for you.
- Yeah.
- Have a seat, man.
- That a boy.
- There you go.
Got a frosty brew for you here.
- Can't.
- It's non-alcoholic.
Add that to the list of things
I thought I'd never see.
Obama's birth certificate,
and now Frank drinking O'Doul's.
Please, don't tell me
you're buying that forgery.
It was certified!
It was certified?
I'm from Kenosha.
I could have a certified Hawaii birth
certificate sent here in 20 minutes.
You are never convinced.
Of him being born
and having it sealed, the whole nine.
Yeah, that's...
I shoulda told the fucking
cops that it was you!
- I shoulda told them it was you!
- Hey, hey, all right.
Everything was great,
and now it's fucked!
Everything is fucked
because of you.