Shameless (2011–…): Season 4, Episode 7 - A Jailbird, Invalid, Martyr, Cutter, Retard, and Parasitic Twin - full transcript

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

Speak fucking English!

What's on his face?

Oh, my God, oh, my God!
He got into my coke.

(DOOR BUZZING)

- Gallagher.
- How is he?

He's alive.
Could have permanent brain damage.

Please tell me
that I love him, okay?

And I'm so, so sorry.

It wasn't Fiona's fault.

Nobody saw Liam.
You know that, right?

(SOBBING) Liam is in the hospital.
And he almost died.

- LIP: Where were you last night?
- DEBS: Matt's.

V: Who's Matt?

Oh, you're Matt? "The" Matt?
How fucking old are you?

We got to find Frank

or they're gonna put Liam
into foster care.

Shit.

- Frank!
- We almost lost you.

Nope.
Not ready to punch my ticket yet.

Gallagher, you made bail.

We're just looking for our brother,
Ian Gallagher.

He's at work.
The White Swallow, in Boystown.

Some army MPs came by
looking for you.

They want to arrest you
for going AWOL.

That's hilarious.

(ALL COOING)

- Look at you.
- Hey, buddy!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

(LIAM LAUGHING)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Can you do this?

- Fiona coming down for breakfast?
- She's not up yet.

(PLAYFUL GASP) Here's your Tang,
Liam. Here you go, baby. Here.

Make sure he drinks the whole thing.

- He needs his electrolytes.
- Okay.

That's right, and from now on,
nothing goes in your mouth

unless we give it to you, buddy.

- Okay.
- Okay.

What's that smell?

Guess!
Frank, stop smoking weed!

Carl, get Liam away from the stairs.

Look, I'll take Liam
to school today.

I'll grab us some dinner
while I'm there.

What about Coq Au Vin?
Sheila made it once.

Yeah, well, I hope you remember
what it tasted like.

It's probably the last time
you're gonna have it in your life.

We could order a pizza.

Fiona used to let us do that
when she's working late.

No, it's too expensive. All right?

We're back to generics from
Food 4 Less, and dumpster diving.

I could buy a few groceries.

Yeah, that'd be nice since
we have two extra mouths to feed.

Now why don't you just tell Frank
to lay off the weed?

He's very sick.
Worse than ever.

Yeah, well,
we're very out on our asses

if the social worker
makes a surprise visit,

and the place
smells like Snoop Dogg.

Yeah, the only reason
we're letting you stay here

is to take care of Frank.

- I don't think you guys understand.
- Understand?

We've lived with that narcissistic
asshole our whole lives.

Now you're trying to play big sis?

You're lucky we don't bounce you
to the curb.

- So if we say no more weed...
- We mean no more weed.

- Okay. Fine.
- Good.

Now listen, everybody, remember

that when the social worker
does show up...

And this includes you too, Chuckie,
so listen up.

...you text me immediately.
I'll hop on the L.

- What about Fiona?
- I've got her covered, all right?

I just need you to stall the social
worker until I can get back.

- Are we understood?
- Yeah.

- Yes?
- Yes.

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

That's my ride.

Got to stop by Sheila's
to water her plants

- while she's out of town.
- Deb.

And I won't be home for dinner.

- Why? Where you going?
- Friend's.

Hey, Sammi, listen.

We've been dumped into foster care
way too many times

because of that prick upstairs.

There's no way
I'm letting it happen again.

Here you go.

- Hi.
- Morning.

Morning.

- Hey, can I get a ride?
- Your ride's over there.

Uh-uh.

- Stop it.
- Come on, V.

No.

- I'm too bloated and constipated.
- I'll fuck it loose for you.

Ew!

I don't mean in the butt.
Morning sex keeps you regular.

- No, I'm not in the mood.
- You're never in the mood.

That's because Huey, Dewey,
and Louie,

are taking up all the room
down there.

Are we ever gonna have sex again
before they come out?

Probably not.

Don't know how women say
they get horny when they pregnant.

- All right, well, jack me off then.
- Jack yourself off.

Fine. But let me get something
to look at. Peek at a titty.

Mm-mm.

- Everything is hairy and gross.
- Since when? You're never hairy.

Leave me alone.
From hormones.

I got hair growing everywhere

and mucous
coming out of me for days.

All right, fine. I'm gonna go
jack myself off in the bathroom.

But I don't think it's gonna work
thinking about all of your mucous.

I'm gonna need to borrow
your truck today.

KEVIN: What for?

I've got to take Fiona
to the courthouse for her prelim,

and then I have
a Dr. Ma appointment.

KEVIN: Oh, shit. No. Dr. Ma?

I gotta go with you.
I can't miss an ultrasound.

I love watching those dudes grow
but I gotta work tonight.

Yeah, well, you'll go next week.

KEVIN: All right.
Bring me those pictures, okay?

- You finished already?
- Mm. Know thyself.

Hey! What the fuck? Can I take
a shit in private, please?

- Douche bag, go find your boyfriend.
- Get the fuck out! Close the door.

I looked for him all day yesterday
and he's not answering my texts.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Don't play dumb with me.

Ian! You know, you're the reason
that he left.

So go find him.
I gotta go to work.

Not my fucking problem.

You know what?
Nothing's ever your problem.

For once, you know,
make something your problem.

What the fuck does a squirrel have
to do with waffles, anyway?

(DOOR SLAMS CLOSED)

Oh, fuck. Mandy!

(SIGHS)

- (GURGLES)
- (GROANS)

LIP: Hey, buddy,
we're gonna leave the house

so we need your hat and diapers.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Hi, peanut.
Hey. It's okay.

Come here. Come here, peanut.
Come here.

How are you?
How are you feeling?

Are you okay? Yeah?

I'm so sorry. I would never do
anything to hurt you.

I would never do anything
to hurt this face. This face.

Hey, Liam, come on.
We're gonna be late. Come here, bud.

- Where you going?
- School.

- With Liam?
- Yeah.

Well, I was gonna go meet
with my lawyer,

- but I was gonna take Liam with me.
- No, thanks.

- Come on.
- Lip...

- There you are.
- It was an accident.

We're gonna put your coat
on downstairs. Is that okay?

Yeah? Yeah?

Sort your shit out.

That Gallagher kid's sister
gave his baby brother cocaine.

Dude, I bet he's retarded now
from it.

Totally.

- ♪ Cocaine baby brother ♪
- ♪ Cocaine baby brother ♪

- ♪ Retarded little Gallagher ♪
- ♪ Retarded little Gallagher ♪

- ♪ Cocaine baby brother ♪
- ♪ Cocaine baby brother ♪

BOTH: Cocaine baby brother.

Come on.
Are you fucking kidding me?

When's this thing gonna be done?

Yeah, sure, it's not your business
you're camped out in front of.

Unbelievable, someone pays you
for hole standing.

How do I get a job like that?

Seriously?
This is what you're doing?

You're just staring
at that one guy working?

Hey, buddy.
When you're done with work,

come on in for a beer.
But just you, not them!

Enjoy your coffee.
Fucking hole standers.

MAN: Where's the keg?

A little early to be drinking,
isn't it?

- Shit.
- Where's the keg?

What kind of keg you looking for?

We got old style,
Schlitz, Michelob...

Not a keg of beer, asshole!
The keg with the money in it!

No idea what you're talking about.

(GUNFIRE)

That's my fucking keg!

That's my money, bitches!
That's my money!

Bitches, that's my fucking money!

Even now you're just
gonna stand there and do nothing?

Those fucking kids robbed me!

Could you at least help me
get this duct tape off?

Ahh! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

- Dorm.
- Yeah, and what's in a dorm?

- Hipsters.
- Hipsters. Very good. Very good.

All right, come on. Going up.
Whoo-hoo-hoo! There we go.

- Jesus!
- Oh, shit. Sorry. Sorry.

You know, it's not like it's my room
or anything.

Okay. Fine. I'm dressed.

All right.
Come here, buddy.

- Who's this?
- Liam. He's my kid brother.

- Hi, Liam.
- You know, I'm just grabbing a book.

And we're gonna get out of here.

I'm sure you have
some kind of a sorority,

cheerleader, Mensa,
vagina meeting or something.

- Hey, Liam, do you like clementines?
- No!

It's okay, buddy. Go ahead.

(AMANDA LAUGHS)

- It's not a ball, it's food. Here.
- It's good.

- You?
- No.

But if you're cracking open
that Toblerone. Thanks.

My parents send me
this care package crap once a week.

Yeah, my parents,
they sent me a care package, too.

Seriously, take anything you want.

- Or if you have a request.
- What?

Yeah, Kuzner was getting back acne,

so I told my dad
that I needed Accutane.

Sent me a six-month 'script.
Never knew it wasn't for me.

- Is he a doctor or something?
- No. Just connected. Miami.

Is that where you're from?

- After all these months, huh?
- Sorry.

Hey, I could watch Liam for you
if you wanted.

- Like while you're in class.
- No, that's okay.

I don't have anything
till five o'clock.

No, we just went through
some pretty serious shit at home.

So I'm being kind of protective
of him right now. Right?

I'll send you a text picture
every 30 minutes.

Well, call me, you know,
if there's a problem.

Yeah, don't worry.
Everything will be fine.

Hey, Amanda's gonna watch you
for a few hours.

- Is that okay, buddy?
- Okay.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Hi, Pops. Poppy? Daddy?

Still trying to figure out
what to call you.

- Working on that blog again?
- Five chapters.

- Oh, my God. What's that smell?
- Burger King. I got you a Whopper...

- Get it out! Get it out!
- My goodness. I'm sorry.

(VOMITING)

SAMMI: Ohh...

- Oh, God.
- The smell did it?

You need more proof than this?

Let's get you off
these stinky sheets.

Time to change them, anyway.

- Be careful. My papers.
- Okay. Okay.

(GROANING)

I'm cold. Give me my pipe.

Pops, Debbie and Lip asked me

not to let you light up
in the house anymore.

Had a little run-in
with them this morning.

Don't think they like me very much.

Well, screw them.
I'll light up any time I want.

I'll blow smoke in their eyes
until they cry if I feel like it.

Lip said the social worker's
gonna show up unannounced.

Yeah, the social worker
can bite my ball bag.

I'm not the one who let Liam get
into a pile of coke.

- You know that was an accident.
- Come on. What are you doing?

We have to be on our best behavior.

I'm in pain.

They could end up in foster care.

Don't you wanna keep
this family together?

They're poisoning you.
That's what's going on.

You'll turn against me,
you mark my words.

How can you say that?
Take it back!

Fuck you.

I would never,
ever turn against you.

Yeah? Well, then prove it.
Give me my pipe.

How about I give you
your next Oxy instead, huh?

(PILLS RATTLING)

That's a good idea.
Now you're thinking.

You'll be fine.
It's just a formality.

The bathroom line took forever.

There's a guy out there who's here

because he threw bleach
on his baby's mama.

CLERK: On Your Honor's preliminary
hearing calendar,

calling case S6974356.

State of Illinois
v. Fiona Gallagher.

Craig Jeffries on behalf
of the State of Illinois.

Maria Vidal,
on behalf of Fiona Gallagher,

- who's on my left.
- Good morning.

Ms. Gallagher, at your arraignment,
you entered a plea of "not guilty".

- Is that still your plea?
- Absolutely, Your Honor.

And, Mr. Jeffries, where does
the government stand on this case?

Your Honor, we have enough evidence

to proceed with possession
and child endangerment.

Child endangerment?
It was an accident.

Mr. Jeffries, what evidence
have you submitted at this point?

The police report
from the arresting officer,

which includes an admission of guilt
from the defendant,

the cocaine removed from the face
and the hands of the victim

and a toxicology report

indicating the levels of the drug
in the child's system

when he was admitted to the ER.

We'll be asking for a minimum
of five years in state prison.

What?

It is our hope, Your Honor,

that the court
will take into consideration

that this is my client's
first offense,

and that the state granted
her guardianship

of her five siblings last year.

Ms. Vidal, I urge you and the ADA

to discuss this matter outside
of my courtroom.

Work something out.
Come back with a plea bargain.

- Yes, Your Honor.
- ATTOURNEY: Yes, Your Honor.

You're dismissed.

- What's going on?
- Good news. Come on.

Where's Mickey?
No, please don't answer.

God forbid, you do something
meaningful with your lives.

You should work for the city.

You have qualities
they're looking for.

Hey, what the hell
are you doing here?

- I need a gun.
- Who you gonna kill?

You wearing cologne?

No. It's Kenyatta's perfume
soap shit.

- You use another dude's soap?
- So what?

- It's got pubes on it.
- No, it doesn't.

Yes, it does. What guy
doesn't have pubes on his soap?

My soap doesn't have pubes on it.

Well, obviously,
you're not washing your pubes.

You came all the way down here
to talk about my pubes?

Just give me a gun.

You run a bar on the South Side.
How the fuck do you not have a gun?

Not everyone's a thug.

- What you need it for, anyway?
- Alibi got robbed.

They stole the keg
that I keep the money in.

Wait, wait. The rub and tug money?

Considering it's the only money

that I'm pulling in these days,
yeah.

- You keep that in a fucking keg?
- I don't trust the banks.

Kev, that's my money.

No, it's my money
with 30 percent going to you.

30 per... Who came up with that?
We're 50-50.

- Bullshit. 50-50? It's my bar.
- My whores.

Yeah? Well, get your ass down there
and protect your whores.

You're supposed
to be providing security.

- Not for 30 percent I'm not.
- What's going on?

Steven Seagal here
let somebody steal our cash.

Yes, because your pube-loving
husband wasn't doing his job.

SVETLANA: Hey, where you going?

I gotta take care
of something important.

I'll be down to the bar to protect
your seven-foot ass as soon as I can.

No, we cannot work
if it's dangerous.

It's not dangerous. It's not gonna
get robbed twice in a day.

If it does,
can you please shoot them

in the fucking face this time?

Hey. You know how to use this thing?

Of course I know how to use it.

Oh, my God.

(MUTTERING IN RUSSIAN)

Thanks very much.
Appreciate it.

What did he say?

At this point, all our conversations
need to be privileged.

- What?
- I need to talk to Fiona alone.

I have a doctor's appointment,
anyway. You gonna be okay?

- I'll talk to you later.
- Okay.

Walk with me. I gotta be
at Cook County in 20 minutes.

I asked Mr. Jeffries if he'd agree
to three years probation.

Wow, that'd be great.

No promises. But it is possible.

You'd have to plead guilty.

That means
you'll have a criminal record.

- But no jail time?
- Very little if any.

- How very little?
- Sixty days? Ninety tops?

Wait, so I get probation,

but I still have to go to jail
for three months?

It's only for a fraction of the time
they're asking for.

I can't go back to jail.

Why don't we just wait and see
what he proposes?

Can we go to trial?

Fiona, I do this every day.

I'm telling you. We have
a great argument for probation.

You're a first time offender
and you called the paramedics.

DA doesn't want you
clogging up the jail,

or this case gumming up the system,

taking them away
from real criminal cases.

But what happened with Liam
was horrific.

A jury is gonna hate you.

I can negotiate
the hell out of this.

I don't wanna go to jail at all.

Well, we don't get
everything we want.

And a good negotiation

is when both sides feel like
they got screwed.

PROFESSOR: The third law of
thermodynamics simply stated is,

"The entropy of a perfect crystal
at absolute zero

- is exactly equal to zero."
- (CELL PHONE VIBRATES)

Now, from our earlier discussions,

we know that entropy
is a measure of what?

ALL: Disorder.

And a crystal is a solid

whose atoms, or molecules, or ions
are arranged

- in what kind of pattern?
- ALL: Ordered.

PROFESSOR: Very good.
We'll pick this up tomorrow.

Don't forget.

Assignments e-mailed to me
by five p.m. this evening.

Hey, Professor Sacco. I'm sorry.

I don't think I'm gonna be able
to get my assignment in tonight.

I had a bit of a family crisis.

- When do you think you'll have it?
- Tomorrow.

Every day it's late,
I'm docking you a half a grade.

- Comprende?
- Yes, comprende. Thank you.

What's chicken cordon bleu?

Nothing you can make
with what's in Matty's kitchen.

Well, what should I make him
for dinner then?

Since when did you guys
get back together?

He helped when Fiona got arrested.

Good thing I didn't hit on him.
I was totally gonna.

Okay.

This algebra crap is ridic.
Who gives a shit about math?

- When am I ever gonna use it?
- Probably all the time.

Let me just copy yours.

How about spaghetti and meatballs?

- Anything with balls in it is good.
- Okay.

- Hey.
- Hi.

Where the hell have you been?

Gary broke up with me,

because his parents don't want him
to have a baby.

- So I cut myself.
- What?

- Then my mother found out.
- That you cut yourself?

No, that Gary broke up with me.

So she dragged me to his house
this morning,

but he was still asleep.

So my mom and his mom
got into this huge fight.

Then the cops came.

And that's how come
I'm late for school.

- But why'd you cut yourself?
- Yeah, that was stupid.

The one time a guy dumped me,
I just made myself puke.

Think Gary will get back together
with you?

He said he'd think about it.

You should totally have
a family emergency.

That'll make him come back.
Worked with Matty.

Okay, like what?

You could tell him
your dog got sick.

- Or that you got molested.
- That's a good one.

Good afternoon.
Sorry about the wait.

Had to throw a stitch
into a patient's cervix

before her little critter
slipped out too early.

- Yikes.
- But we're all good.

And it's time to look
at your little critters.

- Okay. What, no Kev?
- Work.

Mm. And how have you
been feeling lately?

Bloated and fat.

- Something wrong?
- Well, I have the two.

But I can't seem to find the other.
Let's see.

Sometimes they hide.

Yeah, well, check behind my bladder

because I've been peeing
like 50 times a day.

Where are you?

Well, I think we might have
a fetal resorption.

What the hell is that?

It happens with multiples.

When the fetus isn't strong enough
to survive,

the others sometimes absorb it.

- "Absorb it?" As in eat it?
- Not exactly. But yes.

One of my babies is gone?

But the other two
look very healthy.

Is it something that I did?

Nope, just Mother Nature's way
of selecting out the weaker baby.

- MAN: Looking fine.
- Fuck off.

I like them rough.

I'm Scott.
You want to get out of here?

No, I don't want to...
You seen this kid?

You like them skinny.

I could lose 30 pounds
if you wanted.

Thirty poun...
Maybe in your ass, man.

Where's the manager?

- Yo, you the manager?
- Who's asking?

Since you just saw me speaking,

I'm gonna take a wild stab
it was me.

- You seen this kid? His name is Ian.
- Never saw him before.

Why don't you take a look again?

He used to work here
so I'm pretty sure you have.

I can't keep track of every twink

who comes and goes
in this place, all right?

Okay. This twink went AWOL
a couple days ago

after your bouncer
kicked his brother and kid sister

out into the street.
You remember that?

Look, you little tweaker.

You think you're the first one
to come in here boo-hooing

about some cocktail slut

who jacked you off in the bathroom,
told you it was true love,

and then disappeared?
Trust me. You're not.

So why don't you buy yourself
a drink,

and fall in love
with somebody else?

- You calling me gay?
- Please, honey.

You make Justin Bieber
look straight.

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Now, I know you know
where he is, dick breath.

So you're gonna tell me,

or I'm gonna shut this
come-hole down over possession,

intent to sell, and prostitution.
Okay?

He's at our other location.
Fairy Tail in Boystown.

Thank you.
That so difficult?

Yo, anybody coming?

No, but hurry up, man. Apurate.
Come on.

- All right.
- Hurry.

Frozen burger patties look good.

Gringo, how you gonna get out
with all that stuff

- and not get caught?
- I'm not going out the front.

Okay, take the trash out,
put this on top of the dumpster.

I'll grab it on my way home.

You're not as dumb as you look.
You know that, right?

- That should do it. Got that?
- Got it, got it, got it.

- All right.
- See you later, gringo.

Hey. How you doing?

Know how many Tumblr
drinking blogs there are out there?

I could write a better one
than these douche bags.

Wait, so your mother
was dating two different guys

- while your father was in prison.
- That we knew of.

"Smoking a coke-laced bowl of weed
is the best high ever?" Amateurs.

- Wasn't she afraid he'd find out?
- FRANK: He did. Got an early release.

Walked in on her screwing Vavoo.

Some busboy she brought home
from the restaurant.

- Oh my God. What did he do?
- Vavoo? He crapped himself.

(SAMANTHA LAUGHS)

My father did what he always did.

- Beat on me.
- Why you?

It was my fault.
It was always my fault.

My mom got away scot-free.

I got a whupping. Said I
should've been keeping her in line.

What about Uncle Clayton
and Wyatt and Jerry?

They were his favorites.
Why do you care so much?

Just want us to get closer
since we have limited time.

Limited ti...
We do not have limited time!

Jesus!
What's the matter with you?

Jesus!

Isn't this why
you're writing your memoirs?

I am not writing my memoirs.
This is my gift to humankind.

This is my trade book.

People will pay good money
for my knowledge.

You're right, you're right.

Why are you listening
to the doctors?

They don't know what the fuck
they're talking about.

We have... we have all... Fuck.
Fuck!

- Breathe, breathe. Okay? Breathe.
- Dear God. Shit.

- Breathe, breathe.
- Oh, God.

Hey. Hey.
I didn't mean to upset you.

We have all the time in the world,
okay?

I told you, you're just
like the rest of my kids.

No, I'm not.
Please, I take it back.

Okay? I take it back.
We don't have limited time.

You're goddamn right we don't.

Okay. Come on, come on.
Come here. Here.

No! I need a nap.

What, are you mad at me now?

Look, I promise,
I'll never say it again.

SAMANTHA: I have a present for you.

I was saving it
until you got really sick.

I could give it to you now.

- Is that what I think it is?
- Did I do good?

Help... Help me. Help me sit up.

- Oh, fuck. Oh, God!
- Okay.

I need to go get Chuckie.
Be back lickety-split.

Take your time.

All right, listen up.
Bar got robbed this morning.

Yeah? What'd they take?
The cocktail napkins?

(LAUGHTER)

Six hundred dollars
for your information.

- So who stole it?
- I give up. Who?

No, not who stole it,
like, guess who stole it.

Who stole it like which one
of you fuckers stole my money?

Why do you think
we stole your money?

- Because you knew where I hid it.
- Where?

- In the damn keg!
- Ooh! We do now.

I said, who stole my money?

(GUNS COCKING)

What, everyone has a gun?

Bible says we have the right
to bear arms. So I bear arms.

- It's the constitution.
- No shit?

Well, I'm keeping my eye
on all of you.

Huh.

Where should I put the money now,
Mr. Kevin, if there's no keg?

Give it to me. I'm gonna put it
where no one dares to touch.

From now on, we trust no one, Paco.
No one.

- Hey, babe.
- Hey, baby. How was the appointment?

Well, we're down to two babies.

- No. What happened?
- Huey ate Dewey.

Are you kidding me?

No, doc says it happens all the time
with multiples.

If one's not strong enough,
they just go away.

- Are the other two okay?
- Yeah.

(SIGHS)
I don't know how to feel about this.

No, me either.

- It's a bit of a relief, right?
- Sort of.

I was getting used to the idea
of having four babies.

Yeah, me too.

Probably a bad time to tell her
the place got robbed.

- What?
- Tommy, shut up!

V, don't worry.

No one's taking
any more shit from me.

My babies, my money.

I'm battening down the hatches.

I'm putting a force field
around us now.

Babe.

Taking care of what's mine.
Come here. Get in my force field.

- Hey, man. What's up?
- What the hell do you want?

Heard you talk
about my little brother, Liam,

on the bus this morning.

You mean your retarded brother?

Yeah. He wants you to meet
two of his friends.

- Your retarded brother has friends?
- Yeah. Meet Mongo and Loid.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

- Fuck. I think he broke my nose.
- Sucks for you.

Brother's still gonna be retarded.

Can't ice a damaged brain,
Gallagher.

Schmuck.

- Hello?
- Hey.

Hi. What are you doing here?

Making spaghetti and meatballs.
Looked it up online.

It's really not that hard.

- How'd you get in?
- The super.

- She unlocked my apartment for you?
- Nope.

Told me where you kept
the spare key.

Okay, why would she do that?

Because I told her
it was our anniversary

and I wanted to surprise you.

- Huh?
- We've been dating a month today.

It's okay if you don't remember.

You can just make it up to me
on our two-month anniversary.

Okay, Debbie. We need to talk.

Hey, can you fix Ellie up
with someone?

- Her boyfriend dumped her.
- She the pregnant one?

Mm-hm.

I'm... I thought we said
we weren't gonna date anymore.

We did?

Yeah, that time you came over?
You wanted to have sex?

- I wasn't clear about what happened.
- Okay.

We can't be boyfriend
and girlfriend.

But you were there for me
with Liam and Fiona.

- Yeah, that's what friends do.
- "Friends?"

Look, Deb, I really like you...

But then why are you breaking up
with me?

Because you're too young.

I should've lied about my age.

I mean, we can try again
when you're older, but...

- How much older?
- Sixteen? I don't know.

- What's wrong with me?
- Nothing, Deb. You're perfect.

You just... You gotta date guys
your own age.

I should probably date girls
my own age.

Dinner smells good.

I want to go home.

(MAN TALKING ON TV)

- Hey.
- Hey, what's for dinner?

Take Liam upstairs.
I'll get it ready, okay?

Kids at school said he's retarded.

Fuck them.
He's not retarded.

Go clean up. Clean up.

(LOUD DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)

Time's up, lovebirds. Get up.

That means get the fuck up.
It's my turn.

I'll look for you later, Curtis.

Curtis? Your fucking stage name?

- Twenty-five bucks gets you a dance.
- Excuse me?

Don't want to dance,
you gotta move on.

Okay, all right.
Twenty-five bucks for your ass, huh?

Never had to pay
for that shit before.

So how's your day going so far?

- How's my fucking day going?
- Having fun?

No, I'm not having fun.

I spent the whole day
looking for your coked-out ass.

Your family's worried about you.

Hello? What the fuck?

I can't talk to you like this.
Can we go outside?

These fudge packers
got so much snow up your beak,

you're tweaking like a little bitch.

Twenty-five bucks
only buys you one dance.

Okay.
Then let's go back to my place.

You can sober up a little bit.

Catch up or some shit.

Tell me where you've been
all this time.

That was fun.
Find me if you want another one.

Are you fucking kidding me?
Hey, hey.

Look, you don't wanna
hang out with me, that's fine.

You need to call your family.

Your dad's dying, Ian.

Fiona almost killed Liam.
Call them.

Is everything okay here, Curtis?

- Everything's great, Roger.
- Good.

Because that guy over there
looks like he may want a dance.

- Right there.
- I'm on it.

- Thank you.
- Okay.

Don't choke on any grey pubes.

Relax, Shaft. I'm leaving.

Are you retarded now?

I hope you're sleeping
and not in a retarded haze.

Hi.

What was jail like?
You get any tattoos?

It was claustrophobic.

It's lonely, sad.

- They try to shave your head?
- You can't tell this is a wig?

They treat you like cattle.
No one cares about you.

- Anyone get stabbed?
- Probably if I was there longer.

You can't piss or shit in private.

The worst part was not knowing
if I'd see you guys again.

Don't end up there.

- Smells good.
- Yeah.

- Where'd you get all this stuff?
- School.

Thanks.

- So, I had my prelim hearing.
- Yeah?

Yeah, my lawyer's gonna try
to get me probation

- if I plead guilty.
- Okay.

Might have to serve
a little time, though.

- Yeah? How long?
- Ninety days or less.

All right.
I suppose we'll manage.

- Or I could go to trial.
- Why would you want to do that?

- Why wouldn't I do that?
- Because you'll get convicted.

- You don't know that.
- Yes, I do.

- I made a mistake.
- You're guilty.

- It was an accident.
- You almost killed Liam!

You don't think I know that?

You don't think
I'm blaming myself enough already

so I need you to do it, too?

So how long are you in prison
if you lose?

Five years.

All right,
so that makes me almost 25.

Still at home,
taking care of the kids.

I know I can win.

Ghetto chick leaves
her drug addict boyfriend's coke out

for her three-year-old
brother to eat.

Half a gram in the system. Yeah,
you're right. You can totally win.

- I didn't do it on purpose.
- Yeah, but you did it!

(EXHALES)

I turned my back,
for, like, two seconds

and now my life is ruined?
How is that fair?

You're his guardian.
You signed up for this.

I can't go back to jail.

- Of course, this is all about you.
- Yes, it's about me!

Because it's never about me.
And I'm finally making it about me!

So what, I'm supposed
to drop out of school

while you do five years?

- I'm not guilty!
- Liam almost died!

And that was you!
All fucking you!

Your coke, your boyfriend,
your fucked up life!

It's not mine! All right?

Frank's passed out
up in the bathroom.

Oh, fuck. Shit.

He's shooting heroin now?

- Is he dead?
- No, unfortunately not.

- My God.
- Carl, grab his legs.

- He shit himself.
- All right, use a fucking towel.

- I got him. You got him?
- Where we taking him?

- Where we always do: street.
- What's going on?

It smells up here.

Good. You're home.
You deal with him.

- Daddy? What happened?
- He's unconscious.

Must have had too many Oxy's.

Save it. All right? Just get him
the fuck out of the house.

- What?
- I warned you. Now go!

Carl, come here.

Get rid of any evidence
in Frank's room, all right?

He is too sick to leave the house.

Yeah, no shit! You just let him
shoot a bunch of fucking H!

He was in pain!

What if the social worker
had showed up right now?

But she didn't.

These kids would've been taken away.
And what do you care?

You just want to make nicey-nicey
with daddy.

You get the fuck out of my house!

- Fiona?
- You have to go, Sammi.

Pops? Oh, God.

- You okay?
- Yeah. Fine.

You know,
we can still do stuff together.

Yeah. Great. Cool.

- You know, go to movies...
- Perfect. Sounds fun.

Hang out, like friends do.

- Talk to you later.
- Yeah. I'll talk to you later.

- Bye.
- Bye...

SAMANTHA: Don't bang his leg,
Chuckie. Okay. One, two, three!

- It smells.
- Excuse me!

- Debbie, Lip kicked us out.
- (SOBS)

- FRANK: I'm sorry.
- It's okay, Dad.

- Let's power through. Come on.
- I'm so sorry.

- One, two, three!
- (BOTH GRUNTING)

Ow!

Holy fuck!

(MUFFLED MUSIC COMING FROM CLUB)

- It's so cold. Aren't you cold?
- No.

- Where's your car?
- I took a cab.

I've gotta keep you warm.

Got any party favors at your place?

Anything you want.

Car will be here
in under three minutes.

What should we do till then, hmm?

Ow!

Why don't you molest someone
your own age, you Geritol fuck?

(GRUNTING)

Oh, fuck!

(GROANING) You're an animal.

I'm not the one groping and licking
on underage boys, am I?

- We're just having fun.
- Shut the fuck up.

Give Curtis some money
before he calls the cops on you.

Okay. Okay.
Here. Here take, here.

Good, good. Thank you.
Get the fuck out of here.

Get out of here!

And learn how to run like a dude!

Jesus Christ, Ian.
Hey, hey.

- DRIVER: You called for an Uber?
- Yeah, I called for an Uber.

Okay. Good job, fellas.
Almost there.

- (ALL GRUNTING)
- Easy does it, Chuckie.

Let's get him in the chair.

Okay. There we go.

(ALL PANTING)

Home sweet home.

- Okay. Wait, wait!
- God.

We gotta get you out of here.

Good boy, Chuckie.

I didn't know
you had it in you, boy.

- Is Sheila gonna be mad at me?
- She's out of town.

Now, Dad,
let's get you washed up.

(LIAM LAUGHING)

Fuck it.

All right, last question, Liam.

Have you ever made friends
with an inanimate object?

Like a lamp or chair?

All right.
I'm submitting your answers.

- Let's see what your score is.
- (COMPUTER LAUGHING)

Good news. You're not retarded.

- Now you.
- All right. Now, let's see.

Yes. No. Yes. No. No. Yes.

No. Yes. All right.

(COMPUTER LAUGHING)

This stupid fucking computer.

Ow.

(REVOLVER BARREL SPINS)

My dick is like three times bigger
than this gun.

You took the bullets out, right?

Yes, honey.
Heard you loud and clear.

Oh, shit. Look at this fetus
being reabsorbed.

V, would you stop looking
at that shit?

- You're gonna freak yourself out.
- Oh, I can't help it.

I couldn't protect
my triplet in utero,

you better be damn well sure

I'm gonna protect my twins
in the real world.

Damn, baby.
You're starting to turn me on.

- What?
- Yeah.

No constipation?
Or bloating or mucous?

No, I still got them.

But I'm starting to see
what all those horny,

pregnant women were talking about.
Come here.

(MOANS)

Yes, finally.
Thank you. Thank you.

There we go.

(WATER RUNNING)

Okay.

- Feels good. Warm.
- Scrub up.

(SAMMI GASPING)

It's okay. I got you.

- I got you. I got you.
- Almost fell. Almost fell.

It's okay.
Hold on to the side there, okay?

Okay? Just hang on.

Hang on a second.
I'll be right there.

Now...

make room for Sammi.

- Grab on. I got you.
- No, no, no.

Hey, hey, hey. I'm not gonna bite.
Okay? Come on.

Here. Come to me. Come on, Dad.
Come over here.

There you go. There you go.

There you go.

That's not so bad, is it?
Get you all cleaned up. Okay.

(LAUGHTER)

Ms. Vidal, Mr. Jeffries,

I understand
you've come up with a deal.

- Yes, Your Honor, we have.
- Except for one point.

We'd like to defer to you
on this count.

What have you worked out so far?

Your Honor,
in exchange for a guilty plea

of child endangerment
and possession,

the state is willing to offer
Ms. Gallagher a three-year probation

with mandatory random drug testing,

as well as 200 hours
of both parenting classes,

and Narcotics Anonymous meetings.

The state would also recommend
that Ms. Gallagher

serve 90 days
in the state penitentiary.

And I'm suggesting that since
this is my client's first offense

and she already has time served,
that she only do 30 days.

Is that everything?

- Yes, Your Honor, it is.
- Yes, Your Honor.

Mr. Jeffries,
I will be reducing your request

from 200 hours of parenting
and NA meetings to 100 hours.

And since I do not believe
justice will be served

by additional jail time
for Ms. Gallagher,

I'll sign off on her completion
of that part of the plea bargain.

- Yes, Your Honor.
- No jail.

Ms. Gallagher, I wanna make sure
you understand what's happening.

With this plea agreement,
you will be a felon.

As such, you will serve
three years probation,

during which time you cannot leave
the State of Illinois.

You must meet with
your probation officer once a week.

You will not be able to get
a government job,

hold public office, vote.

If you possess a passport,
you must surrender it.

You shall refrain
from excessive use of alcohol.

You shall not purchase, possess,
use, distribute

or administer
any controlled substance.

You shall not engage
with any persons

involved in criminal activity.

You will be under house arrest
until further notice.

- Do you understand what I'm saying?
- Yes, Your Honor.

Then how do you plead to possession
and child endangerment?

I'm guilty.

(English SDH)