Shameless (2011–…): Season 3, Episode 4 - The Helpful Gallaghers - full transcript
Carl heads off to cancer camp, while Frank agrees to be Jody's sex coach with Sheila. Fiona unites her coworkers. Lip and Mandy rescue her half-sister from foster care.
- For those of you
who were doing
Open-heart surgery or bringing
peace to the mid-east
Or whatever the fuck
you were doing,
This is what you missed
on shameleslast week.
[baby crying]
- it's your turn.
Get your goddamn ass
out of this bed!
It's your fucking turn!
- Nanny frank to the rescue.
- Hymie has his first well baby
appointment today.
- I'll take him.
- Nice place you got here.
- What are you doing here?
- I was hungry.
- So you drove all the way
to the south side
For a bag of chips?
- Well, a bag of chips
and a ginger snap.
- Can I help you?
- This is my son, hymie.
- Our organization
works with dying children.
- Of course.
I know that.
It's my other child
that's dying.
Carl.
Carl.
A word.
- Cancer?
- You said you cater
to dying children.
Camp?
- I've never been to camp.
- Here he comes.
- Hey, thanks
for bailing me out.
- All mandy.
She used her dad's
line of credit
At bad bob's bonds.
- Mandy.
Bein' smart?
Tell your girlfriend
to wear clothes, lip.
Excuse me.
I was thinking
There might be
a job opening.
- Tell me, fiona.
How do you feel
about deli meats?
- Are you saying that
if I blow you
I can have a job?
Hey, v, do you still have
That mini camera you use
for titty shots?
He's right in there.
Do you know what you're doing?
- I got it all on tape.
He's nasty.
- I want day shifts,
home by 6:00.
[the high strung's
the luck you got]
♪
- ♪ think of all the luck
you got ♪
♪ know that it's not
for naught ♪
♪ you were beaming
once before ♪
♪ but it's not like that
anymore ♪
♪ what is this down side
♪ that you speak of?
♪ what is this feeling
♪ you're so sure of?
♪
♪ round up the friends
you got ♪
♪ know that they're not
for naught ♪
♪ you were willing
once before ♪
♪ but it's not like that
anymore ♪
♪ what is this down side
♪ that you speak of?
♪ what is this feeling
♪ you're so sure of?
- Stay down.
Stay down!
Stay. Stay.
- How long was that?
- Not long enough.
You need at least 90 seconds.
City pools are filled
with city kids,
And by "city kids"
I mean black kids who swim.
Little stereotype-breakers,
Like those two kids that ripped
your bathing suit last year.
- They were turning it
into a bikini.
- If they'll do that
when you're just running
Through the sprinklers
at your own house,
Think what they'll do
when they have
A large body of water
at their disposal.
Savage little cosby kids
will drown your ass.
- Times have changed.
- Yeah, that's what they said
When they were holding me
underwater repeatedly
In the summer of '67,
The so-called
summer of love.
Not at the sullivan street pool,
it wasn't.
It was the summer
of drowning whitey.
And until you can hold
your breath
Longer than they can hold
their breath,
You're not going
to sullivan street.
- [sighs]
- go.
- Whoa, can I try?
- No, carl,
you've got cancer.
Pack your bag.
We're leaving.
[telephone rings]
[grunting]
- Milkovich house.
Speak briefly, then shut up.
[both moaning]
- Daddy, it's molly.
Mommy died.
The lady upstairs is gonna tell
the police I'm an orphan
If a family member
doesn't come get me.
Please come.
[answering machine beeps]
- Who the fuck's molly?
- She's my half-sister,
Whose meth head mother
apparently died.
- What?
You have a sister?
- Half.
Want to finish?
- Sure.
- Oh...Oh.
- Oh, my god, you are so
unbelievably tasty right now.
- [giggles]
Don't wait for me.
- What, are you charging
By the minute, madam v?
- Yes.
- Well, thank you
for watching my wallet,
You dirty little whore.
- I am a dirty little whore.
Put me on my back,
would you, please?
- Oh, hello.
- [giggles]
[moans]
- Oh, you've been working
on your kegels.
Oh.
Oh, you're flexing it.
- [moans]
- oh, you're flexing,
Oh, you're flexing that.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
[exclaims]
- Roll over, hulk hogan.
[both groaning]
- You want me to finish you off?
- I'm good, hon. We got to save
your sperm for baby-making.
- This was
a baby-making session?
- Hoping so.
You cool?
- Yeah.
Yeah, it just--
I just wish you had given me
A heads-up before I went
with the whole whore thing.
You know, I don't want
our kid's first impression
Of you to be
that you're a whore.
- It was making you hot.
Hot is good.
We got to help your spermies
rocket to my egg.
- Well, just don't be
upside-down too long.
My sperm get dizzy.
- [giggles]
ooh!
- Shh, shh, shh.
You all packed?
- I need a sleeping bag.
- Just staple
some sheets together.
- This camp's
got a rifle range
And woods all around
a lake.
I'm definitely
gonna kill something,
Like a grizzly,
Mountain lion,
maybe a tiger.
Or I might just go in the canoe
and shoot some fish.
- Cancer's opening up
a whole wonderful world for you,
A world your other siblings
will never get to experience.
But they don't know
that this camp
Is only for kids with cancer,
so, like I said before,
You must keep that secret.
Are you still someone
I can trust?
- Why am I the only one
who caught cancer from grammy?
- Life is rife
with questions that baffle.
All we can do
is carry on.
- Am I going to die?
- Time will tell.
But don't you worry.
I'm working on a cure.
- You all packed up?
- Shh.
- Yup.
- What's hymie doing here?
- I'm baby-sitting.
- Oh, is sheila
popping pills again?
- Sheila happens
to think very highly
Of my ability to raise
bright, independent children.
- You're not leaving
hymie here, frank.
Debbie can't take care
of a special needs kid
On top of day care.
- Challenges foster growth.
You can't prevent debbie
from an opportunity to grow.
- Not happening.
Carl, what are you doing?
- Making a sleeping bag.
- These are lip's sheets.
- Not anymore.
- All right,
take my rotc sleeping bag, huh?
- Really?
- Yeah.
I'll grab it from upstairs.
- Why couldn't you win
a raffle for camp
When I was little, frank?
- Fortune dispenses randomly.
- I hated camp.
- Don't listen
to jamie, carl.
- Jimmy.
- You okay
holding down the fort
With debbie's day care insanity
starting up again?
- Jamie's got it.
Jamie is all over it.
- Okay, little man.
See you in a week.
[laughs]
- I just want to say
thanks for being a great sister.
I may have never said that,
But now I did.
- You okay, carl?
- Yeah.
- Okay, I left a list of stuff
we need at the store.
You kicking in
for squirrel fund this month?
- Absolutely. Yeah.
I'm living here.
Got to do my part.
- Don't have to.
- "want."
want to.
- Debbie!
Day care starting!
- Wow.
Thanks, ian.
- I got a couple more things
for camp too--
Bug spray,
and swiss army knife.
For comfort and convenience,
not as weapons.
- Awesome.
- See you in a week, pal.
- See ya.
Dad, we should go.
- Coming!
- Stay away from people
with cancer, little dude.
- Okay, who's ready
for breakfast burritos?
- Me!
- So this sister...
- Half.
- She's just waiting
somewhere
For your dad
to go pick her up?
- Near milwaukee.
- He gonna do it?
- No.
- So you think maybe,
I don't know,
Maybe you should call her,
Tell her
he's not coming?
- No call answers that question
Just as good
as a call does, so...
- So you're cool
with your sister
Going in
the foster care system?
- Well, the system's
better than here.
- Yeah, says the girl who,
miraculously,
Has never been
in the system.
She have any other relatives?
- Who knows?
Look, it sucks,
But there's nothing
I can do about it.
- She sounded desperate.
I mean, let's--let's see
if we could get her.
Let's see if we can help.
- Help how?
- I don't know.
Maybe locate the rest
of her family.
- How are we gonna do that?
- Drive up there,
figure it out.
- In the car
that neither of us have?
- She's your sister.
- Half.
[announcement on p.A. System]
- There's a coupon
in the flyer for this.
Do you have one?
- I left it at home.
- There's a stack of 'em
right over there.
No reason the store
should have that 75 cents.
- Adolpho, delivery ready
at register three.
Princess, it's time
for your break.
Princess,
stop working so hard.
- Princess, I got it.
Go take your break.
- It's not a "break" break.
It's a "bobby" break.
- Will you be coming up
for parents day, mr. Gallagher?
- No. No, no.
Working.
No time to relax.
Being able to afford
carl's cancer drugs
Means a lot of time
at the foundry.
And, if I'm late,
I get docked.
I get docked too many times,
I get fired.
If I get fired,
I lose my benefits,
Benefits that
will provide treatments
To extend carl's life
Past the doctor's
original dire predictions.
- We'll take good care
of him, I promise.
- Thank you.
- Okay, folks,
bus is leaving.
Get your hugs in.
- Okay, check it out.
I was able
to pull some strings
And get you
these special cancer pills.
Take one a day.
They'll give you the energy
To get through camp.
- Will they cure
my cancer?
- Depends on your attitude.
- I love you, dad.
- Okay.
Okay, good.
There you go.
Be brave.
Both: 10, 11, 12,
13...
1, 2, 3...
- 4, 5...
- Ashish, it's not your turn.
What number did I get up to?
- 5! Or 13.
- Whoo!
Yummy time.
It's been a while,
hasn't it?
- What has?
- Since we had sex.
- Oh, yeah.
- Sleep deprivation's
the silent romance killer.
Who thought frank
would be the cure?
- Jody?
- Yeah.
- Would you want to stay here
a little bit?
- Oh, you want
to snuggle?
Jody's always down
for maximum snuggums.
- I was thinking
maybe we could
Mix into snuggle time
A little toy time?
- Sheila,
we've been over this.
- I'll go slow.
- Not gonna happen.
- It's good
to be nervous.
- Not true.
- Please.
- Sheila, sweetheart,
I can't, okay?
I like what we have now.
Let's not ruin it.
Breakfast in a sec?
- ♪ I've been working
on the railroad ♪
All: ♪ all the livelong day
- ♪ I've been working
on the railroad ♪
♪ just to
all: ♪ pass the time away
- Yo.
I'm hanley.
- Carl.
What up?
- Not my red blood cell count.
- What kind do you got?
- The kind that kills kids.
You?
- Same.
- Fiona, I need you
to trade breaks with me later.
- Sure.
When do I punch out?
- Bobby'll tell you.
And a little tip
I tell all the new gals,
I don't punch out
when I pull my extra break.
If I'm in the building,
I'm gonna get compensated
For whatever work I do.
- Makes sense.
- When it's my day,
I punch in,
Go home, nap,
Do shit with my boyfriend,
Come back,
do bobby,
Go back home,
and still don't punch out.
I have one of the gals
on the late shift
Punch me out at close.
Get paid for a double,
and I only work 15 minutes.
Reason I need you
to go for me
Is 'cause I got a bunch
of canker sores.
I need a break
from the sucky-suck,
If you know what I mean.
- Jennica, could I go
for you next week?
I just got my teeth cleaned
at the free clinic,
And the trainee hygienist
just shredded my gums.
- Been there.
No worries.
I'll ask lucy.
I got seniority.
I got the evening bobby shift,
which is easy-peasy.
By then, basically his dick
is just coughing up smoke.
- Pancakes are in the oven.
Great session.
Yummy time,
mucho yum.
- He looks so happy
and peaceful.
- If ignorance is bliss,
Then down syndrome's
got to be euphoria.
- How are the pancakes?
- Filling.
- Do you ever miss
what we used to have?
- Your crepes?
Definitely.
Jody's not much of a cook.
- I mean, the--
The things
that we would do together.
- Our social calendar
was never that full.
- No, I mean,
Like, the things.
I'm talking about what you and I
used to have in bed.
- Oh.
No.
- You let me be in charge.
Remember?
Jody only wants
To cuddle and do it
like missionaries.
- Cuddling's good.
- It's boring.
And uneventful.
I need events!
I want eventful play!
- Shh.
- I want to be in charge.
- Well, then be in charge.
Be forceful.
Jody's malleable.
- He's not.
I've tried.
Would you talk to him?
- No.
- I have needs, frank.
I have needs.
I don't think I ask
for too much.
[crying]
I don't know what to do.
- Oh, no,
please don't cry
When I'm eating.
- [whimpers]
I'm sorry.
Just I miss it.
I miss it so, so much.
And the missing
makes me sad.
- All right, all right.
I'll talk to him.
- Really?
You will?
- Yes, if you'll stop crying
And let me enjoy
my pancakes, yes.
- I can stop crying.
I can stop crying.
I can.
I can stop crying.
[stifled crying]
- You're visiting a milkovich
sister nobody's ever heard of
In milwaukee?
- Uh, correct.
- And you're gonna do what?
- We are going to evaluate
her well-being
And, if need be,
rescue her.
- You mean kidnap?
- Provide transport
to a safer haven.
- Kidnap.
- Rescue.
- Bad idea.
- Look,
a kid's in trouble,
We're gonna help.
- Crossing state lines
to bring a minor
Back to the milkovich house
of horror seems more like abuse.
- Look, her mother's dead,
she's home alone,
And she's scared.
- Welcome
to the predictable consequences
Of using crystal meth.
[engine struggles to turn over]
Have you ever
driven this thing
More than four
consecutive miles?
[revving]
[rock music]
♪
- What's that smell?
- Fresh air.
- Where's the rifle range?
- Don't think we have that
anymore.
- Then why's it
on the pamphlet?
- That is a worthwhile
inquiry.
- You shouldn't have put it
on the pamphlet
If you don't have it.
- Well, let's go check.
- ♪ there is a house
- come on.
- ♪ without windows
♪
- [groans]
damn it.
- You all right, lucy?
- No, I'm not all right.
I was filling in
for jennica on her--
I was filling in
for jennica's bobby break,
And now I got bobby juice
on the blouse
That I am wearing
to cuban night.
So now jennica's gonna get
Her car keyed,
because I am fed up
With coworkers
who always seem
To have canker sore outbreaks
when it's their turn.
- Hey, don't forget
to backload those.
♪
- ♪ there was a farmer
♪ who had a dog
and bingo was his name-o ♪
♪ b-I-n-g-o
♪ b-I-n-g-o
♪ b-I-n-g-o
♪ and bingo was his name-o
- You want to sing along
with us, carl?
- I want to shoot a rifle.
- Got some info for you
on that one.
We no longer offer
a rifle range.
- That's bullshit!
- Language, please, carl.
- There's a range
on the pamphlet.
- How about I teach you
to play chess?
- How about I call action 4 news
and tell them
You're lying
to a bunch of dying kids
On what they get to do
at this horseshit camp!
- I'm sorry, carl.
- I want to go to the forest
and kill something.
- Let's find you
something safe to do,
Yet still thrilling,
Like making
a tie-dyed t-shirt.
- You don't have
to want it.
Doing things
you don't want to do
Is how you make
a relationship work.
- I can't, frank.
I'm sorry.
Sex toys
are a gateway choice.
- Toys can be mind-expanding.
- I just got my one-year chip
from sex addicts anonymous.
Part of my recovery's
to make certain
That I only have
loving, committed sex.
No battery-powered aids
allowed.
- She just wants
to kick it up a notch.
Make her happy.
- The key
to my continued happiness
Is to have loving sex
infrequently.
- I've mastered
the infrequent part.
- This isn't about
your happiness.
It's about sheila's.
- I finally got my life
back under control.
If I kick it up a notch,
there's no stopping me.
It's an addiction.
- Oh, would you
stop bragging?
We're all sex addicts, man.
- 10, 12 times a day?
- What, thinking about it?
Yeah. More.
- No, the act.
Arousal and release.
Before I got into s.A.,
I was having sex
10, 12 times a day.
- Giving or receiving?
- Never receiving.
I was destroying.
- Destroying?
- That's what I used to call it.
"destroying pussy."
- You all make coming to work
such a delight.
- 10, 12 times a day?
The same woman?
- Never. That's the thing
about the internet.
Once you announce
your depravity,
There's plenty of other
depravers seeking company.
I mean,
if you put it out there,
You can find a ton
of willing participants
Who want to be humiliated
having sex.
- I got to re-up
my aol account.
- One week,
I had 32 different partners.
Didn't cost me a dime.
Toys, contraptions,
Restraints.
You know,
you start messing around,
You think
you're under control,
But eventually you abuse
your arousal center,
Needing stranger and stranger
shit to flip your switch.
I mean,
I started to look at sex
like a fight,
And my weapon was my cock.
I knew I really had a problem
when I couldn't get hard
Unless I was slapping it
in the face
Of a woman who was pretending
she was crying.
- I underestimated you,
jody.
In a bar
full of depraved people,
You are the grand poobah
of depravity.
- Was.
Won't be again.
What do I owe you
for the ginger ale, kev?
- Vanilla or chocolate?
- Mixed.
You got any rainbow sprinkles?
- They discontinued
using sprinkles last summer.
Some brands of food coloring
have been linked to cancer.
- I already have cancer.
This camp blows.
No sprinkles?
What is this, mexico?
- We're trying to create
an enjoyable--
- Create a way to get some
sprinkles here before we die.
- Hey, kids,
it's moppy the clown.
[cheers]
- Yo, carl,
way to speak up.
- Want to go check out
the lake?
- Sure.
I'll go ask.
- Don't ask.
Just go.
- But they'll get mad
If we don't ask permission.
- Cancer is our permission.
We've been at this camp
For a whole day
without seeing the lake.
I've never seen a lake before.
- Not even lake michigan?
- Where's that?
- I didn't get a chance
to swing by the bank today,
But I'll get some money
in the squirrel fund tomorrow.
I promise, okay?
- Okay.
- How'd it go today?
- Weird.
Day care?
- No kids lost limbs.
No kids were lost by jim.
- Excellent.
- How'd cashier work
get weird?
- I think everyone at work
other than me
Is blowing the manager.
- That's genius.
Evil genius.
- Taking advantage of women
Who can't afford
to lose their jobs?
It's sick.
- Then quit.
- I need the job.
Overtime. Benefits.
But eventually,
they're all gonna realize
I'm not carrying
my share of the load.
Literally.
Maybe I can figure out a way
to make 'em all stop
Before they realize
I'm getting a free ride.
Yeah, if we stick together,
Collectively boycott
giving him what he wants,
Maybe it can stop.
There's strength in numbers.
- United we stand.
Divided, we keep sucking dick.
- Hey, revolutions have begun
with less inspiring phrases.
- Cool.
- Flat rocks skip better.
They pay for your braces
Before or after they found out
you were dying?
- I'm not dying.
- You got cancer, dude.
You're dying.
We're all dying.
- My dad got me
some special pills.
- Good luck with that.
- Seriously.
- They ain't got no cure.
- I thought this camp
was supposed to,
You know, like, help kids,
fresh air and that stuff.
- The only kids
invited to this camp
Are the ones
that ain't gonna make it.
This is the final party.
One final "screw you,"
putting all this cool shit
Within arm's reach
and then not letting us do dick.
- If you had to pick one wish
they would actually grant,
What would it be?
- Titties.
Never seen
a real girl's titties.
- Porn?
- Sure.
But never seen titties
in real life.
You?
- Older sister.
- Describe 'em.
- Like titties, except their
your older sister's.
You don't really want
to keep looking at 'em.
[loud breathing]
- How's that?
- Fine.
- You feeling me?
- Oh, I do.
- What's my name?
- Have you forgotten
your name?
- Say it!
- It.
- My name.
- Jody.
- [groans]
[car horn blares]
[knock at door]
- Hey, molly.
It's me, mandy.
Whoa.
Uh, this is lip,
My friend.
- Hey.
- Is daddy here?
- He's at sea,
but he sends his love.
How are you?
- Am I coming home
with you?
[muffled voices in background]
- Um, molly, did your mom--
did she have, like,
An address book
with family members
From her side
of the family?
Cousins
or anyone like that?
- No.
- Okay,
what about her cell phone?
Anyone on that?
- She only had
two numbers on it.
Daddy's and her dealer's.
- You never met
any uncles or aunties?
- Just you
and my cousin david.
He's in the navy
and fights bad guys.
But other than him, no.
Are you taking me
to daddy?
- Ooh, 51 seconds, debs.
- Only 39 seconds to go.
[inhales deeply]
- Hey, register two.
You having a party?
The ladies'll be
all a-flitter.
Hi.
Patty.
Deli.
- Hey, patty. Fiona.
Yeah, just a chance
to mingle away from work.
Coffee, cocktails,
conversation.
Totally casual.
- I've been working here
25 years.
No one's ever
thrown a party.
- Well, it's good to get
to know people
Away from the salt mine,
you know?
- I don't know, but I'm glad
you're gonna show us.
Want me to bring something?
- We're all set.
- Are you sure?
Something from the deli?
Bobby'd probably give us
a discount.
Or I could throw away
some meat
And pick it up
from the dumpster later.
Don't worry.
I'll double-bag it.
- I'm just gonna do chips
and salsa, something light.
- Well, more room
in my belly for beer.
- See you tonight.
- Panerai.
Nice.
- How nice?
- $2,000.
- That cost me 5
three years ago.
- Don't need a pedigree.
Just need an answer.
- [clicks tongue]
[cell phone ringing]
Fuck.
- Okay, kids, for lunch,
we have organic chicken,
A fresh kale salad,
And a juice bar
with beets and cukes
And ginger and carrots
ready to be ground down
Into their essential goodness.
- Got any chicken nuggets?
- I love chicken nuggets.
- Chickie nugs?
I want some.
- Sorry, guys.
No chicken nuggets.
- Got a car?
- No.
I'm a college student.
- Buy one.
People who go to college
are rich.
- I'm not.
- Then go call us a cab
And go get us
some nuggets.
- I got money.
My mom said I could buy
Whatever I want
from the camp store.
I want chicken nuggets.
- There's no nuggets
at the camp store.
- We're dying of cancer.
Serial killers on death row get
lobster for their final meal.
- Any one of these next meals
could be our last.
We can't even get
some chicken nuggets?
We have cancer.
Go get us some nuggets now!
All: Nuggets, nuggets,
Nuggets, nuggets,
Nuggets, nuggets,
nuggets,
Nuggets...
[other kids continue chanting]
- Hanley, I'm gonna get you
to see some real titties.
Not sister titties,
not porn titties.
Just naked, real titties.
- Well, I'm off to work.
- Okay.
- Mwah.
Eggs are in the oven,
frank.
- You were gonna talk to him.
- I did.
- Nothing's changed.
- Not gonna happen overnight,
sheila.
- I am running out of time.
- You're not.
- I think we can have
What we had again.
And I would never
cheat on jody,
But I am ready
to ask him
If you and I can have
a little toy time on the side.
- We had something special,
But not as special
as you and jody.
- I don't need jody.
I need you.
[stammers]
I-I need you back
Because of what you
let me feel
By allowing me
to make you feel something
That you don't want to feel.
- You brought a girl
to my house
Without asking me first?
- You took me in
when I needed it.
- My m.S. Has got real bad.
My whole left side
goes numb for weeks.
- I'll help.
- Your heart's
in the right place.
You're the best milkovich
there is.
- I should have called first.
I'm sorry.
- No, it's not a bad idea,
mandy.
It's a bad time.
I mean, I can't take care
of little kids.
Take her back.
There are good people
who work
In the places
that take care of orphans.
She'll be better off.
- Can you look after her
while we figure it out?
- What are you gonna do
When there's no aunt rande
to run to?
And one day,
there won't be.
That day is today.
- Loving sex
is a rule of my program.
- Don't let your emotions
completely obscure
The barbaric roots
of the sexual act.
Don't lose touch with the seeds
of our animal nature.
- That's a good thing.
We're not animals.
We're people
with the ability
To elevate sex to a spiritual,
loving experience.
- You can have that
with sheila
And still give her
what she needs.
- That's not been
my experience.
- You're smarter now.
You're stronger.
You can handle it.
Sheila needs you.
- ♪ boys will be boys
- I love her, frank.
I really do.
- Then don't
let past regrets
Scare you from embracing
new experiences.
- It's what it unleashes in me
that I'm afraid of.
- Jody, the most important part
of your recovery
Is this little family
you've started.
Sheila wants to be sensitive
to your recovery,
But she has needs.
Your acceptance
of those needs
Is an act of love.
This is love.
You're not breaking
your sobriety.
You're showing her
how much you care.
- Hmm.
- Ready, jody.
- Right.
What are we doing again?
- "eat at anne's"
with an arrow.
- Cool.
Hop on.
- Hey.
Where you been?
- Hey.
Milwaukee.
- What?
- I love milwaukee.
Breweries.
- What's all this?
- Party for work.
- Hey, fiona.
- Fiona, this is molly,
Mandy's sister.
Both: You have a sister?
- I do.
Hey, molly, bathroom.
- You guys,
I'm up to 75 seconds.
- Doing what, debs?
- Prepping to be drowned
At the city pool.
- Oh, cool.
Debs, this is molly,
mandy's sister.
Can you show her
the bathroom, please?
- You have a sister?
- Milwaukee?
- Look, her mother od'd,
and she called mandy.
- Uh-huh.
So why are you involved?
- He's captain chivalry now.
- Look, she's a little girl
that needs shelter
While we figure out
the next step.
Can't she just stay here
for a bit?
- We're kind of full up.
- Not with carl in camp,
we're not.
- Why don't you just take her
to her father's house?
- Well, we're not gonna take her
to her father's house
Because her father
likes to molest his daughters.
- Should have led with that.
- [sighs]
You don't need
to be playing house
With mandy milkovich.
- So yes or no?
- She can stay
till carl gets back,
But, lip, doing shit
like this signals something
To a girl like mandy.
You sure you know what kind
of signals you're sending?
[cell phone ringing]
- pop.
- Can you meet me
for a drink?
- Is everything all right?
- If everything was all right,
I wouldn't be asking you
to meet me
For a drink
on short notice.
- Can't you tell me
on the phone?
- James, just put on
your big-boy pants
And meet your father
at a bar
Of your choice
so we can mumble, like men,
Over a beer.
[note rings out]
- No.
- This is where they lock up
the pain pills.
We need a bolt cutter.
- No, we don't.
Let's just use
your swiss army knife
And unscrew the bolts.
- Or we can just break
the glass.
When I break the glass,
you guys cough
So no one will be suspicious.
One, two, three, cough.
[all coughing]
- What are you kids
doing in here?
- We were gonna steal the drugs
and sell them.
- Really?
You need to work on your lying.
- What do you need money for?
- We want to pay a woman--
- shut up.
This is a camp that's supposed
to fulfill wishes,
But all you do is say "no."
- [sighs]
Kids, I came to work here
To do my part
in diminishing the burden
Of your illness.
I know you've
been disappointed
With some of the restrictions
put on you here.
I wish I had the power
to change that.
- You may have more power
than you think.
- Frank.
Jody wants to talk to you.
[lively conversation]
- Ladies, thanks
for getting together
On such short notice.
- Oh, who doesn't like a party?
- You've all embraced me
at the store,
And I really appreciate it.
And I-I just want to say
That we--we collectively
have a voice.
All: Yeah!
- And we--we should
start voicing it.
- You starting
a ladies' choir?
- I sing at the church
every Sunday.
- I can't sing at all.
- No. No.
Ladies, we need to speak
about what's going on at work--
With bobby.
I, like all of you,
Am happy to have a job,
okay?
But I don't want this job
If the cost is
a never-ending payback hummer.
I don't want
to live in that world.
It's not right.
- Thank god
somebody finally said it.
- I've been saying it
for months.
- But you didn't
throw a party.
[laughter]
- If we band together,
We can put an end to this.
- Yeah.
- An end to hearing your name
Called over the loudspeaker.
- Hello.
- An end to him deciding
We're here to please him
Whenever the urge arises.
- Right.
- An end to feeling
Like we have to give him
whatever he wants.
Like we are
some desperate whores
Who are happy
for the attention.
All: Right.
- Our jobs are not his
to threaten us with.
- Right.
- Our mouths
Are not his property
to use as he pleases.
- Yeah.
- Amen.
- I was this close
to biting it off last week.
[laughter]
- We need to say
this stops now.
All: Yeah!
Yes!
- It's not that bad.
[silence]
- What?
- I mean,
he showers daily,
Keeps himself clean.
Last year, when my kid got sick,
he gave me time off.
Says something.
- Patty's right.
When I punch in late,
he never dock me.
- What's a quick blow job
if, when my kid is sick,
I get to stay home?
- It's sexual harassment.
- Exactly.
- He let me take flowers
To put on my mother's grave,
no charge.
- He charges you
a weekly hummer.
- Come on,
he lets you take home
Week-old carnations
that are already dying.
To hell with his flowers.
- It's once a week
for ten minutes.
Stick your finger
up his rear
And pop his cork,
you get it done in two.
- That's what I would do,
And leave a lee press-on nail
up there.
[laughter]
Give him something
to scream about.
- Amen, jennica!
[laughter continues]
- We're playing
a dangerous game, ladies.
Okay?
Wait, wait.
If we cause a ruckus,
we get him fired,
Guess what?
We don't know who
the next manager will be.
What if he doesn't let us
call in sick
When we're really not sick?
What if he doesn't let us
go to a funeral
Without punching out?
What if he doesn't let us
Take home expired meat
and sheet cakes
And a pony keg
once and again for free?
Bobby's a nice guy.
Okay, okay,
so we have to provide him
With oral pleasure
once a week.
Is that such a bad thing?
All: Yes!
- No, no, no,
listen, girls, listen.
Think about it.
The dick we're sucking
may very well be better
Than the dick we might have
to suck instead.
- Thank god
you're in the minority.
- Thank you.
All: Yeah.
- Uh, yeah?
All: Yeah.
- Let's take a vote.
- On what?
- The situation at hand.
Whether we keep
what's working working.
- You want
to have a vote?
- Hey, you convened
the blow job town hall.
Let's vote.
Yes or no.
- Fine.
Show of hands.
- No, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
Secret ballot.
Let the democratic process
unfold.
- Couple of tips:
Don't relax.
Pretend you're scared.
She likes that.
- I don't have
to pretend, though.
- It'll stretch.
Trust me.
If god didn't want us
putting things up our ass,
He would have given the rectum
a gag reflex.
[laughter]
- So I was thinking
tonight maybe you and molly
Should sleep together.
I'll just bunk
with ian and liam.
That way, if she wakes up
in the middle
Of the night
and she's freaking out,
You'll be there.
- All right.
- How long?
- 92 seconds!
- Whoo!
[cheers]
- I'm only doing this
for hanley.
- I have cancer too.
- Me too.
- You're the best friend
I've ever had.
- [sighs]
[sighs]
- Now how about
the lower half?
- Not happening, pal.
- Wendy?
- Wow.
Exactly how I imagined them
to be.
- Okay.
Blow job.
No blow job.
Blow job.
Abstention?
Really, ladies?
One of you is abstaining?
- What does that mean?
- It means someone
doesn't care
One way or another.
- I never minded it,
but he never asks me anymore.
- That's cause you're
a human piranha, lois.
- And blow jobs win,
six to three.
- With one abstention.
- That's what I'm talking about.
- I want a recount.
- Yeah, come on, ladies.
- How could this many of you
vote for blow jobs?
- Yeah, have the guts
to say who you are.
- Patty's right.
It's not that bad.
- Lucy, what about
your blouse?
- Oh, the stain came out.
- Admit it, fiona.
He doesn't taste that bad.
- I wouldn't know.
I've never done it.
- You're the reason
why I had
To pick up an extra hummer
this week?
- Pop.
- James.
Um...
Is this a place
you frequent?
- Yeah, neighborhood joint.
What's up?
- Oh.
Um...
Your mother and I
Are getting a divorce.
- Kev, shots, please.
- Okay, I'll just be
down the hall.
You may hear some sirens
and stuff during the night,
But you'll be safe.
Okay, good night.
- Good night.
- Here you go.
Change of underwear
and a nightgown.
- I'll be back
in a second, molly.
Thanks.
- Oh, yeah.
No worries.
Night.
- Night.
- I will totally teach you
to swim.
We could protect one other
from city kids
Who hate white people.
- Oh, yeah,
that's just my girl penis.
- It looks exactly
like a boy penis.
- But I'm a girl,
So it's different.
- The incompatibility
finally caught up to us.
- When you moving out?
- Now, basically.
- Basically?
- Well, literally.
She, uh...
She changed the locks.
- Hmm.
Where are you staying?
- A hotel probably.
- So how's mom?
- Well...
She's fine.
Ah.
I'm being nice.
How's your mother?
Your mother,
She is on the final slope
downward
Into the pickle jar.
A pill to rise,
a pill to sleep,
A pill to numb her
throughout the day,
And then tanqueray
to wash it all down.
She changed the locks.
So be it.
- And remember to breathe.
- I don't want to do this.
- Just keep
reminding yourself,
This is love.
Say it with me.
"this is love."
- This is...
- Love.
Both: This is love.
- This is love.
- This is love.
- This is love.
- Exactly.
Okay, sheils,
you're good to go.
- Thanks, frank.
- This is love.
- ♪ you know
that you're pure lust ♪
♪
♪ to every girl
♪ you meet
- Wait, wait, it's not my fault.
I was over-served, okay?
- All right, let's just agree
to blame the bartender
And call it a night, okay?
- What, you picking up
a little crack first?
- This is where I live.
[clatter]
Hey, fiona,
ian, you've met my father.
- Hello.
- Hey.
- Whoa, whoa!
Ian, a little help here?
- Sure, sure.
- Hey, hey, hey.
Yeah, we were
at the alibi.
We had a few.
- Well, I'll get a pillow
and blanket.
- All right.
- [grunting]
- [sighs]
- This one's gonna take.
My boys are gonna hit
your bull's-eye.
- Mm.
- I can feel it.
Come on, boys!
- [laughing]
- swim!
Swim like michael phelps!
Swim, baby!
- Can a vagina go deaf?
- Whoo!
- [laughs]
- My parents
are getting divorced.
I mean--
- is that a good thing
Or a bad thing?
- I mean, now we have to spend
More time
with both of them, so...
Not good.
Listen, I'm sorry
that I brought him here.
It was just,
he was in a state,
And we were right around
the corner, and...
[chuckles]
- Let's end this day right.
- ♪ I spend my whole life
waiting ♪
♪ for you to say
you like ♪
[liquid splashing]
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
I'm done.
- ♪ I subjugate my soul
♪ but I make you feel
all right ♪
♪
♪ got a young man's libido
♪ and an old man's mind
♪ I want to kiss you
all over ♪
♪ I want to make you sweat
♪ I want to get
into your head ♪
♪ 'cause you're the one
I love ♪
- The fuck--
what the fuck?
What the fuck?
- Uh, I was looking
for the shower.
- Who the fuck are you?
- That's jimmy's dad.
- What's going on?
Oh.
- Whoa, dad,
where's your clothes?
- I was gonna take a shower.
I came into the wrong room.
- Yeah, then you hopped up
in my bed with a full chub.
Both: What?
- Jimmy's dad just tried to go
Balls-deep on me.
- No, no, I didn't--
- Then why'd you grab
my sack?
- All right,
cover up.
- Is everything all right?
- Doesn't seem to be.
- Uh, molly, debs, back to bed.
- Fuck.
- Are you sure?
- When you feel a full chub
Poking you in the back,
the meaning's pretty clear.
- Ned was looking for me.
I met him at a club.
We've been...Hooking up
for a while.
- You've been screwing
jimmy's dad?
- I didn't know he
was jimmy's dad at the time.
He's nice.
- Yeah.
Is this why mom
kicked you out?
- What?
No.
No. No.
- Does she know
that you're...
Gay?
- I'm not so much gay as...
Sometimes I enjoy men
more than women, you know?
No, no,
it's not that.
I-I'm broke, son.
Financially.
Broke.
That's why she threw me out.
That's...
Not the only reason,
But most of it.
I'm sorry
about in there.
- Were you trying
to screw lip?
- No, it was the wrong bed.
It's the other kid.
Ian.
I'll be at the four seasons.
I think I still have
a credit card that works.
- I'm so sorry.
- If I had to apologize
for all the stuff
My father's done,
I wouldn't have a voice left.
- Mm.
[hard rock music]
♪
- [sobbing]
- They were really nice.
- [sobbing]
♪
who were doing
Open-heart surgery or bringing
peace to the mid-east
Or whatever the fuck
you were doing,
This is what you missed
on shameleslast week.
[baby crying]
- it's your turn.
Get your goddamn ass
out of this bed!
It's your fucking turn!
- Nanny frank to the rescue.
- Hymie has his first well baby
appointment today.
- I'll take him.
- Nice place you got here.
- What are you doing here?
- I was hungry.
- So you drove all the way
to the south side
For a bag of chips?
- Well, a bag of chips
and a ginger snap.
- Can I help you?
- This is my son, hymie.
- Our organization
works with dying children.
- Of course.
I know that.
It's my other child
that's dying.
Carl.
Carl.
A word.
- Cancer?
- You said you cater
to dying children.
Camp?
- I've never been to camp.
- Here he comes.
- Hey, thanks
for bailing me out.
- All mandy.
She used her dad's
line of credit
At bad bob's bonds.
- Mandy.
Bein' smart?
Tell your girlfriend
to wear clothes, lip.
Excuse me.
I was thinking
There might be
a job opening.
- Tell me, fiona.
How do you feel
about deli meats?
- Are you saying that
if I blow you
I can have a job?
Hey, v, do you still have
That mini camera you use
for titty shots?
He's right in there.
Do you know what you're doing?
- I got it all on tape.
He's nasty.
- I want day shifts,
home by 6:00.
[the high strung's
the luck you got]
♪
- ♪ think of all the luck
you got ♪
♪ know that it's not
for naught ♪
♪ you were beaming
once before ♪
♪ but it's not like that
anymore ♪
♪ what is this down side
♪ that you speak of?
♪ what is this feeling
♪ you're so sure of?
♪
♪ round up the friends
you got ♪
♪ know that they're not
for naught ♪
♪ you were willing
once before ♪
♪ but it's not like that
anymore ♪
♪ what is this down side
♪ that you speak of?
♪ what is this feeling
♪ you're so sure of?
- Stay down.
Stay down!
Stay. Stay.
- How long was that?
- Not long enough.
You need at least 90 seconds.
City pools are filled
with city kids,
And by "city kids"
I mean black kids who swim.
Little stereotype-breakers,
Like those two kids that ripped
your bathing suit last year.
- They were turning it
into a bikini.
- If they'll do that
when you're just running
Through the sprinklers
at your own house,
Think what they'll do
when they have
A large body of water
at their disposal.
Savage little cosby kids
will drown your ass.
- Times have changed.
- Yeah, that's what they said
When they were holding me
underwater repeatedly
In the summer of '67,
The so-called
summer of love.
Not at the sullivan street pool,
it wasn't.
It was the summer
of drowning whitey.
And until you can hold
your breath
Longer than they can hold
their breath,
You're not going
to sullivan street.
- [sighs]
- go.
- Whoa, can I try?
- No, carl,
you've got cancer.
Pack your bag.
We're leaving.
[telephone rings]
[grunting]
- Milkovich house.
Speak briefly, then shut up.
[both moaning]
- Daddy, it's molly.
Mommy died.
The lady upstairs is gonna tell
the police I'm an orphan
If a family member
doesn't come get me.
Please come.
[answering machine beeps]
- Who the fuck's molly?
- She's my half-sister,
Whose meth head mother
apparently died.
- What?
You have a sister?
- Half.
Want to finish?
- Sure.
- Oh...Oh.
- Oh, my god, you are so
unbelievably tasty right now.
- [giggles]
Don't wait for me.
- What, are you charging
By the minute, madam v?
- Yes.
- Well, thank you
for watching my wallet,
You dirty little whore.
- I am a dirty little whore.
Put me on my back,
would you, please?
- Oh, hello.
- [giggles]
[moans]
- Oh, you've been working
on your kegels.
Oh.
Oh, you're flexing it.
- [moans]
- oh, you're flexing,
Oh, you're flexing that.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
[exclaims]
- Roll over, hulk hogan.
[both groaning]
- You want me to finish you off?
- I'm good, hon. We got to save
your sperm for baby-making.
- This was
a baby-making session?
- Hoping so.
You cool?
- Yeah.
Yeah, it just--
I just wish you had given me
A heads-up before I went
with the whole whore thing.
You know, I don't want
our kid's first impression
Of you to be
that you're a whore.
- It was making you hot.
Hot is good.
We got to help your spermies
rocket to my egg.
- Well, just don't be
upside-down too long.
My sperm get dizzy.
- [giggles]
ooh!
- Shh, shh, shh.
You all packed?
- I need a sleeping bag.
- Just staple
some sheets together.
- This camp's
got a rifle range
And woods all around
a lake.
I'm definitely
gonna kill something,
Like a grizzly,
Mountain lion,
maybe a tiger.
Or I might just go in the canoe
and shoot some fish.
- Cancer's opening up
a whole wonderful world for you,
A world your other siblings
will never get to experience.
But they don't know
that this camp
Is only for kids with cancer,
so, like I said before,
You must keep that secret.
Are you still someone
I can trust?
- Why am I the only one
who caught cancer from grammy?
- Life is rife
with questions that baffle.
All we can do
is carry on.
- Am I going to die?
- Time will tell.
But don't you worry.
I'm working on a cure.
- You all packed up?
- Shh.
- Yup.
- What's hymie doing here?
- I'm baby-sitting.
- Oh, is sheila
popping pills again?
- Sheila happens
to think very highly
Of my ability to raise
bright, independent children.
- You're not leaving
hymie here, frank.
Debbie can't take care
of a special needs kid
On top of day care.
- Challenges foster growth.
You can't prevent debbie
from an opportunity to grow.
- Not happening.
Carl, what are you doing?
- Making a sleeping bag.
- These are lip's sheets.
- Not anymore.
- All right,
take my rotc sleeping bag, huh?
- Really?
- Yeah.
I'll grab it from upstairs.
- Why couldn't you win
a raffle for camp
When I was little, frank?
- Fortune dispenses randomly.
- I hated camp.
- Don't listen
to jamie, carl.
- Jimmy.
- You okay
holding down the fort
With debbie's day care insanity
starting up again?
- Jamie's got it.
Jamie is all over it.
- Okay, little man.
See you in a week.
[laughs]
- I just want to say
thanks for being a great sister.
I may have never said that,
But now I did.
- You okay, carl?
- Yeah.
- Okay, I left a list of stuff
we need at the store.
You kicking in
for squirrel fund this month?
- Absolutely. Yeah.
I'm living here.
Got to do my part.
- Don't have to.
- "want."
want to.
- Debbie!
Day care starting!
- Wow.
Thanks, ian.
- I got a couple more things
for camp too--
Bug spray,
and swiss army knife.
For comfort and convenience,
not as weapons.
- Awesome.
- See you in a week, pal.
- See ya.
Dad, we should go.
- Coming!
- Stay away from people
with cancer, little dude.
- Okay, who's ready
for breakfast burritos?
- Me!
- So this sister...
- Half.
- She's just waiting
somewhere
For your dad
to go pick her up?
- Near milwaukee.
- He gonna do it?
- No.
- So you think maybe,
I don't know,
Maybe you should call her,
Tell her
he's not coming?
- No call answers that question
Just as good
as a call does, so...
- So you're cool
with your sister
Going in
the foster care system?
- Well, the system's
better than here.
- Yeah, says the girl who,
miraculously,
Has never been
in the system.
She have any other relatives?
- Who knows?
Look, it sucks,
But there's nothing
I can do about it.
- She sounded desperate.
I mean, let's--let's see
if we could get her.
Let's see if we can help.
- Help how?
- I don't know.
Maybe locate the rest
of her family.
- How are we gonna do that?
- Drive up there,
figure it out.
- In the car
that neither of us have?
- She's your sister.
- Half.
[announcement on p.A. System]
- There's a coupon
in the flyer for this.
Do you have one?
- I left it at home.
- There's a stack of 'em
right over there.
No reason the store
should have that 75 cents.
- Adolpho, delivery ready
at register three.
Princess, it's time
for your break.
Princess,
stop working so hard.
- Princess, I got it.
Go take your break.
- It's not a "break" break.
It's a "bobby" break.
- Will you be coming up
for parents day, mr. Gallagher?
- No. No, no.
Working.
No time to relax.
Being able to afford
carl's cancer drugs
Means a lot of time
at the foundry.
And, if I'm late,
I get docked.
I get docked too many times,
I get fired.
If I get fired,
I lose my benefits,
Benefits that
will provide treatments
To extend carl's life
Past the doctor's
original dire predictions.
- We'll take good care
of him, I promise.
- Thank you.
- Okay, folks,
bus is leaving.
Get your hugs in.
- Okay, check it out.
I was able
to pull some strings
And get you
these special cancer pills.
Take one a day.
They'll give you the energy
To get through camp.
- Will they cure
my cancer?
- Depends on your attitude.
- I love you, dad.
- Okay.
Okay, good.
There you go.
Be brave.
Both: 10, 11, 12,
13...
1, 2, 3...
- 4, 5...
- Ashish, it's not your turn.
What number did I get up to?
- 5! Or 13.
- Whoo!
Yummy time.
It's been a while,
hasn't it?
- What has?
- Since we had sex.
- Oh, yeah.
- Sleep deprivation's
the silent romance killer.
Who thought frank
would be the cure?
- Jody?
- Yeah.
- Would you want to stay here
a little bit?
- Oh, you want
to snuggle?
Jody's always down
for maximum snuggums.
- I was thinking
maybe we could
Mix into snuggle time
A little toy time?
- Sheila,
we've been over this.
- I'll go slow.
- Not gonna happen.
- It's good
to be nervous.
- Not true.
- Please.
- Sheila, sweetheart,
I can't, okay?
I like what we have now.
Let's not ruin it.
Breakfast in a sec?
- ♪ I've been working
on the railroad ♪
All: ♪ all the livelong day
- ♪ I've been working
on the railroad ♪
♪ just to
all: ♪ pass the time away
- Yo.
I'm hanley.
- Carl.
What up?
- Not my red blood cell count.
- What kind do you got?
- The kind that kills kids.
You?
- Same.
- Fiona, I need you
to trade breaks with me later.
- Sure.
When do I punch out?
- Bobby'll tell you.
And a little tip
I tell all the new gals,
I don't punch out
when I pull my extra break.
If I'm in the building,
I'm gonna get compensated
For whatever work I do.
- Makes sense.
- When it's my day,
I punch in,
Go home, nap,
Do shit with my boyfriend,
Come back,
do bobby,
Go back home,
and still don't punch out.
I have one of the gals
on the late shift
Punch me out at close.
Get paid for a double,
and I only work 15 minutes.
Reason I need you
to go for me
Is 'cause I got a bunch
of canker sores.
I need a break
from the sucky-suck,
If you know what I mean.
- Jennica, could I go
for you next week?
I just got my teeth cleaned
at the free clinic,
And the trainee hygienist
just shredded my gums.
- Been there.
No worries.
I'll ask lucy.
I got seniority.
I got the evening bobby shift,
which is easy-peasy.
By then, basically his dick
is just coughing up smoke.
- Pancakes are in the oven.
Great session.
Yummy time,
mucho yum.
- He looks so happy
and peaceful.
- If ignorance is bliss,
Then down syndrome's
got to be euphoria.
- How are the pancakes?
- Filling.
- Do you ever miss
what we used to have?
- Your crepes?
Definitely.
Jody's not much of a cook.
- I mean, the--
The things
that we would do together.
- Our social calendar
was never that full.
- No, I mean,
Like, the things.
I'm talking about what you and I
used to have in bed.
- Oh.
No.
- You let me be in charge.
Remember?
Jody only wants
To cuddle and do it
like missionaries.
- Cuddling's good.
- It's boring.
And uneventful.
I need events!
I want eventful play!
- Shh.
- I want to be in charge.
- Well, then be in charge.
Be forceful.
Jody's malleable.
- He's not.
I've tried.
Would you talk to him?
- No.
- I have needs, frank.
I have needs.
I don't think I ask
for too much.
[crying]
I don't know what to do.
- Oh, no,
please don't cry
When I'm eating.
- [whimpers]
I'm sorry.
Just I miss it.
I miss it so, so much.
And the missing
makes me sad.
- All right, all right.
I'll talk to him.
- Really?
You will?
- Yes, if you'll stop crying
And let me enjoy
my pancakes, yes.
- I can stop crying.
I can stop crying.
I can.
I can stop crying.
[stifled crying]
- You're visiting a milkovich
sister nobody's ever heard of
In milwaukee?
- Uh, correct.
- And you're gonna do what?
- We are going to evaluate
her well-being
And, if need be,
rescue her.
- You mean kidnap?
- Provide transport
to a safer haven.
- Kidnap.
- Rescue.
- Bad idea.
- Look,
a kid's in trouble,
We're gonna help.
- Crossing state lines
to bring a minor
Back to the milkovich house
of horror seems more like abuse.
- Look, her mother's dead,
she's home alone,
And she's scared.
- Welcome
to the predictable consequences
Of using crystal meth.
[engine struggles to turn over]
Have you ever
driven this thing
More than four
consecutive miles?
[revving]
[rock music]
♪
- What's that smell?
- Fresh air.
- Where's the rifle range?
- Don't think we have that
anymore.
- Then why's it
on the pamphlet?
- That is a worthwhile
inquiry.
- You shouldn't have put it
on the pamphlet
If you don't have it.
- Well, let's go check.
- ♪ there is a house
- come on.
- ♪ without windows
♪
- [groans]
damn it.
- You all right, lucy?
- No, I'm not all right.
I was filling in
for jennica on her--
I was filling in
for jennica's bobby break,
And now I got bobby juice
on the blouse
That I am wearing
to cuban night.
So now jennica's gonna get
Her car keyed,
because I am fed up
With coworkers
who always seem
To have canker sore outbreaks
when it's their turn.
- Hey, don't forget
to backload those.
♪
- ♪ there was a farmer
♪ who had a dog
and bingo was his name-o ♪
♪ b-I-n-g-o
♪ b-I-n-g-o
♪ b-I-n-g-o
♪ and bingo was his name-o
- You want to sing along
with us, carl?
- I want to shoot a rifle.
- Got some info for you
on that one.
We no longer offer
a rifle range.
- That's bullshit!
- Language, please, carl.
- There's a range
on the pamphlet.
- How about I teach you
to play chess?
- How about I call action 4 news
and tell them
You're lying
to a bunch of dying kids
On what they get to do
at this horseshit camp!
- I'm sorry, carl.
- I want to go to the forest
and kill something.
- Let's find you
something safe to do,
Yet still thrilling,
Like making
a tie-dyed t-shirt.
- You don't have
to want it.
Doing things
you don't want to do
Is how you make
a relationship work.
- I can't, frank.
I'm sorry.
Sex toys
are a gateway choice.
- Toys can be mind-expanding.
- I just got my one-year chip
from sex addicts anonymous.
Part of my recovery's
to make certain
That I only have
loving, committed sex.
No battery-powered aids
allowed.
- She just wants
to kick it up a notch.
Make her happy.
- The key
to my continued happiness
Is to have loving sex
infrequently.
- I've mastered
the infrequent part.
- This isn't about
your happiness.
It's about sheila's.
- I finally got my life
back under control.
If I kick it up a notch,
there's no stopping me.
It's an addiction.
- Oh, would you
stop bragging?
We're all sex addicts, man.
- 10, 12 times a day?
- What, thinking about it?
Yeah. More.
- No, the act.
Arousal and release.
Before I got into s.A.,
I was having sex
10, 12 times a day.
- Giving or receiving?
- Never receiving.
I was destroying.
- Destroying?
- That's what I used to call it.
"destroying pussy."
- You all make coming to work
such a delight.
- 10, 12 times a day?
The same woman?
- Never. That's the thing
about the internet.
Once you announce
your depravity,
There's plenty of other
depravers seeking company.
I mean,
if you put it out there,
You can find a ton
of willing participants
Who want to be humiliated
having sex.
- I got to re-up
my aol account.
- One week,
I had 32 different partners.
Didn't cost me a dime.
Toys, contraptions,
Restraints.
You know,
you start messing around,
You think
you're under control,
But eventually you abuse
your arousal center,
Needing stranger and stranger
shit to flip your switch.
I mean,
I started to look at sex
like a fight,
And my weapon was my cock.
I knew I really had a problem
when I couldn't get hard
Unless I was slapping it
in the face
Of a woman who was pretending
she was crying.
- I underestimated you,
jody.
In a bar
full of depraved people,
You are the grand poobah
of depravity.
- Was.
Won't be again.
What do I owe you
for the ginger ale, kev?
- Vanilla or chocolate?
- Mixed.
You got any rainbow sprinkles?
- They discontinued
using sprinkles last summer.
Some brands of food coloring
have been linked to cancer.
- I already have cancer.
This camp blows.
No sprinkles?
What is this, mexico?
- We're trying to create
an enjoyable--
- Create a way to get some
sprinkles here before we die.
- Hey, kids,
it's moppy the clown.
[cheers]
- Yo, carl,
way to speak up.
- Want to go check out
the lake?
- Sure.
I'll go ask.
- Don't ask.
Just go.
- But they'll get mad
If we don't ask permission.
- Cancer is our permission.
We've been at this camp
For a whole day
without seeing the lake.
I've never seen a lake before.
- Not even lake michigan?
- Where's that?
- I didn't get a chance
to swing by the bank today,
But I'll get some money
in the squirrel fund tomorrow.
I promise, okay?
- Okay.
- How'd it go today?
- Weird.
Day care?
- No kids lost limbs.
No kids were lost by jim.
- Excellent.
- How'd cashier work
get weird?
- I think everyone at work
other than me
Is blowing the manager.
- That's genius.
Evil genius.
- Taking advantage of women
Who can't afford
to lose their jobs?
It's sick.
- Then quit.
- I need the job.
Overtime. Benefits.
But eventually,
they're all gonna realize
I'm not carrying
my share of the load.
Literally.
Maybe I can figure out a way
to make 'em all stop
Before they realize
I'm getting a free ride.
Yeah, if we stick together,
Collectively boycott
giving him what he wants,
Maybe it can stop.
There's strength in numbers.
- United we stand.
Divided, we keep sucking dick.
- Hey, revolutions have begun
with less inspiring phrases.
- Cool.
- Flat rocks skip better.
They pay for your braces
Before or after they found out
you were dying?
- I'm not dying.
- You got cancer, dude.
You're dying.
We're all dying.
- My dad got me
some special pills.
- Good luck with that.
- Seriously.
- They ain't got no cure.
- I thought this camp
was supposed to,
You know, like, help kids,
fresh air and that stuff.
- The only kids
invited to this camp
Are the ones
that ain't gonna make it.
This is the final party.
One final "screw you,"
putting all this cool shit
Within arm's reach
and then not letting us do dick.
- If you had to pick one wish
they would actually grant,
What would it be?
- Titties.
Never seen
a real girl's titties.
- Porn?
- Sure.
But never seen titties
in real life.
You?
- Older sister.
- Describe 'em.
- Like titties, except their
your older sister's.
You don't really want
to keep looking at 'em.
[loud breathing]
- How's that?
- Fine.
- You feeling me?
- Oh, I do.
- What's my name?
- Have you forgotten
your name?
- Say it!
- It.
- My name.
- Jody.
- [groans]
[car horn blares]
[knock at door]
- Hey, molly.
It's me, mandy.
Whoa.
Uh, this is lip,
My friend.
- Hey.
- Is daddy here?
- He's at sea,
but he sends his love.
How are you?
- Am I coming home
with you?
[muffled voices in background]
- Um, molly, did your mom--
did she have, like,
An address book
with family members
From her side
of the family?
Cousins
or anyone like that?
- No.
- Okay,
what about her cell phone?
Anyone on that?
- She only had
two numbers on it.
Daddy's and her dealer's.
- You never met
any uncles or aunties?
- Just you
and my cousin david.
He's in the navy
and fights bad guys.
But other than him, no.
Are you taking me
to daddy?
- Ooh, 51 seconds, debs.
- Only 39 seconds to go.
[inhales deeply]
- Hey, register two.
You having a party?
The ladies'll be
all a-flitter.
Hi.
Patty.
Deli.
- Hey, patty. Fiona.
Yeah, just a chance
to mingle away from work.
Coffee, cocktails,
conversation.
Totally casual.
- I've been working here
25 years.
No one's ever
thrown a party.
- Well, it's good to get
to know people
Away from the salt mine,
you know?
- I don't know, but I'm glad
you're gonna show us.
Want me to bring something?
- We're all set.
- Are you sure?
Something from the deli?
Bobby'd probably give us
a discount.
Or I could throw away
some meat
And pick it up
from the dumpster later.
Don't worry.
I'll double-bag it.
- I'm just gonna do chips
and salsa, something light.
- Well, more room
in my belly for beer.
- See you tonight.
- Panerai.
Nice.
- How nice?
- $2,000.
- That cost me 5
three years ago.
- Don't need a pedigree.
Just need an answer.
- [clicks tongue]
[cell phone ringing]
Fuck.
- Okay, kids, for lunch,
we have organic chicken,
A fresh kale salad,
And a juice bar
with beets and cukes
And ginger and carrots
ready to be ground down
Into their essential goodness.
- Got any chicken nuggets?
- I love chicken nuggets.
- Chickie nugs?
I want some.
- Sorry, guys.
No chicken nuggets.
- Got a car?
- No.
I'm a college student.
- Buy one.
People who go to college
are rich.
- I'm not.
- Then go call us a cab
And go get us
some nuggets.
- I got money.
My mom said I could buy
Whatever I want
from the camp store.
I want chicken nuggets.
- There's no nuggets
at the camp store.
- We're dying of cancer.
Serial killers on death row get
lobster for their final meal.
- Any one of these next meals
could be our last.
We can't even get
some chicken nuggets?
We have cancer.
Go get us some nuggets now!
All: Nuggets, nuggets,
Nuggets, nuggets,
Nuggets, nuggets,
nuggets,
Nuggets...
[other kids continue chanting]
- Hanley, I'm gonna get you
to see some real titties.
Not sister titties,
not porn titties.
Just naked, real titties.
- Well, I'm off to work.
- Okay.
- Mwah.
Eggs are in the oven,
frank.
- You were gonna talk to him.
- I did.
- Nothing's changed.
- Not gonna happen overnight,
sheila.
- I am running out of time.
- You're not.
- I think we can have
What we had again.
And I would never
cheat on jody,
But I am ready
to ask him
If you and I can have
a little toy time on the side.
- We had something special,
But not as special
as you and jody.
- I don't need jody.
I need you.
[stammers]
I-I need you back
Because of what you
let me feel
By allowing me
to make you feel something
That you don't want to feel.
- You brought a girl
to my house
Without asking me first?
- You took me in
when I needed it.
- My m.S. Has got real bad.
My whole left side
goes numb for weeks.
- I'll help.
- Your heart's
in the right place.
You're the best milkovich
there is.
- I should have called first.
I'm sorry.
- No, it's not a bad idea,
mandy.
It's a bad time.
I mean, I can't take care
of little kids.
Take her back.
There are good people
who work
In the places
that take care of orphans.
She'll be better off.
- Can you look after her
while we figure it out?
- What are you gonna do
When there's no aunt rande
to run to?
And one day,
there won't be.
That day is today.
- Loving sex
is a rule of my program.
- Don't let your emotions
completely obscure
The barbaric roots
of the sexual act.
Don't lose touch with the seeds
of our animal nature.
- That's a good thing.
We're not animals.
We're people
with the ability
To elevate sex to a spiritual,
loving experience.
- You can have that
with sheila
And still give her
what she needs.
- That's not been
my experience.
- You're smarter now.
You're stronger.
You can handle it.
Sheila needs you.
- ♪ boys will be boys
- I love her, frank.
I really do.
- Then don't
let past regrets
Scare you from embracing
new experiences.
- It's what it unleashes in me
that I'm afraid of.
- Jody, the most important part
of your recovery
Is this little family
you've started.
Sheila wants to be sensitive
to your recovery,
But she has needs.
Your acceptance
of those needs
Is an act of love.
This is love.
You're not breaking
your sobriety.
You're showing her
how much you care.
- Hmm.
- Ready, jody.
- Right.
What are we doing again?
- "eat at anne's"
with an arrow.
- Cool.
Hop on.
- Hey.
Where you been?
- Hey.
Milwaukee.
- What?
- I love milwaukee.
Breweries.
- What's all this?
- Party for work.
- Hey, fiona.
- Fiona, this is molly,
Mandy's sister.
Both: You have a sister?
- I do.
Hey, molly, bathroom.
- You guys,
I'm up to 75 seconds.
- Doing what, debs?
- Prepping to be drowned
At the city pool.
- Oh, cool.
Debs, this is molly,
mandy's sister.
Can you show her
the bathroom, please?
- You have a sister?
- Milwaukee?
- Look, her mother od'd,
and she called mandy.
- Uh-huh.
So why are you involved?
- He's captain chivalry now.
- Look, she's a little girl
that needs shelter
While we figure out
the next step.
Can't she just stay here
for a bit?
- We're kind of full up.
- Not with carl in camp,
we're not.
- Why don't you just take her
to her father's house?
- Well, we're not gonna take her
to her father's house
Because her father
likes to molest his daughters.
- Should have led with that.
- [sighs]
You don't need
to be playing house
With mandy milkovich.
- So yes or no?
- She can stay
till carl gets back,
But, lip, doing shit
like this signals something
To a girl like mandy.
You sure you know what kind
of signals you're sending?
[cell phone ringing]
- pop.
- Can you meet me
for a drink?
- Is everything all right?
- If everything was all right,
I wouldn't be asking you
to meet me
For a drink
on short notice.
- Can't you tell me
on the phone?
- James, just put on
your big-boy pants
And meet your father
at a bar
Of your choice
so we can mumble, like men,
Over a beer.
[note rings out]
- No.
- This is where they lock up
the pain pills.
We need a bolt cutter.
- No, we don't.
Let's just use
your swiss army knife
And unscrew the bolts.
- Or we can just break
the glass.
When I break the glass,
you guys cough
So no one will be suspicious.
One, two, three, cough.
[all coughing]
- What are you kids
doing in here?
- We were gonna steal the drugs
and sell them.
- Really?
You need to work on your lying.
- What do you need money for?
- We want to pay a woman--
- shut up.
This is a camp that's supposed
to fulfill wishes,
But all you do is say "no."
- [sighs]
Kids, I came to work here
To do my part
in diminishing the burden
Of your illness.
I know you've
been disappointed
With some of the restrictions
put on you here.
I wish I had the power
to change that.
- You may have more power
than you think.
- Frank.
Jody wants to talk to you.
[lively conversation]
- Ladies, thanks
for getting together
On such short notice.
- Oh, who doesn't like a party?
- You've all embraced me
at the store,
And I really appreciate it.
And I-I just want to say
That we--we collectively
have a voice.
All: Yeah!
- And we--we should
start voicing it.
- You starting
a ladies' choir?
- I sing at the church
every Sunday.
- I can't sing at all.
- No. No.
Ladies, we need to speak
about what's going on at work--
With bobby.
I, like all of you,
Am happy to have a job,
okay?
But I don't want this job
If the cost is
a never-ending payback hummer.
I don't want
to live in that world.
It's not right.
- Thank god
somebody finally said it.
- I've been saying it
for months.
- But you didn't
throw a party.
[laughter]
- If we band together,
We can put an end to this.
- Yeah.
- An end to hearing your name
Called over the loudspeaker.
- Hello.
- An end to him deciding
We're here to please him
Whenever the urge arises.
- Right.
- An end to feeling
Like we have to give him
whatever he wants.
Like we are
some desperate whores
Who are happy
for the attention.
All: Right.
- Our jobs are not his
to threaten us with.
- Right.
- Our mouths
Are not his property
to use as he pleases.
- Yeah.
- Amen.
- I was this close
to biting it off last week.
[laughter]
- We need to say
this stops now.
All: Yeah!
Yes!
- It's not that bad.
[silence]
- What?
- I mean,
he showers daily,
Keeps himself clean.
Last year, when my kid got sick,
he gave me time off.
Says something.
- Patty's right.
When I punch in late,
he never dock me.
- What's a quick blow job
if, when my kid is sick,
I get to stay home?
- It's sexual harassment.
- Exactly.
- He let me take flowers
To put on my mother's grave,
no charge.
- He charges you
a weekly hummer.
- Come on,
he lets you take home
Week-old carnations
that are already dying.
To hell with his flowers.
- It's once a week
for ten minutes.
Stick your finger
up his rear
And pop his cork,
you get it done in two.
- That's what I would do,
And leave a lee press-on nail
up there.
[laughter]
Give him something
to scream about.
- Amen, jennica!
[laughter continues]
- We're playing
a dangerous game, ladies.
Okay?
Wait, wait.
If we cause a ruckus,
we get him fired,
Guess what?
We don't know who
the next manager will be.
What if he doesn't let us
call in sick
When we're really not sick?
What if he doesn't let us
go to a funeral
Without punching out?
What if he doesn't let us
Take home expired meat
and sheet cakes
And a pony keg
once and again for free?
Bobby's a nice guy.
Okay, okay,
so we have to provide him
With oral pleasure
once a week.
Is that such a bad thing?
All: Yes!
- No, no, no,
listen, girls, listen.
Think about it.
The dick we're sucking
may very well be better
Than the dick we might have
to suck instead.
- Thank god
you're in the minority.
- Thank you.
All: Yeah.
- Uh, yeah?
All: Yeah.
- Let's take a vote.
- On what?
- The situation at hand.
Whether we keep
what's working working.
- You want
to have a vote?
- Hey, you convened
the blow job town hall.
Let's vote.
Yes or no.
- Fine.
Show of hands.
- No, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
Secret ballot.
Let the democratic process
unfold.
- Couple of tips:
Don't relax.
Pretend you're scared.
She likes that.
- I don't have
to pretend, though.
- It'll stretch.
Trust me.
If god didn't want us
putting things up our ass,
He would have given the rectum
a gag reflex.
[laughter]
- So I was thinking
tonight maybe you and molly
Should sleep together.
I'll just bunk
with ian and liam.
That way, if she wakes up
in the middle
Of the night
and she's freaking out,
You'll be there.
- All right.
- How long?
- 92 seconds!
- Whoo!
[cheers]
- I'm only doing this
for hanley.
- I have cancer too.
- Me too.
- You're the best friend
I've ever had.
- [sighs]
[sighs]
- Now how about
the lower half?
- Not happening, pal.
- Wendy?
- Wow.
Exactly how I imagined them
to be.
- Okay.
Blow job.
No blow job.
Blow job.
Abstention?
Really, ladies?
One of you is abstaining?
- What does that mean?
- It means someone
doesn't care
One way or another.
- I never minded it,
but he never asks me anymore.
- That's cause you're
a human piranha, lois.
- And blow jobs win,
six to three.
- With one abstention.
- That's what I'm talking about.
- I want a recount.
- Yeah, come on, ladies.
- How could this many of you
vote for blow jobs?
- Yeah, have the guts
to say who you are.
- Patty's right.
It's not that bad.
- Lucy, what about
your blouse?
- Oh, the stain came out.
- Admit it, fiona.
He doesn't taste that bad.
- I wouldn't know.
I've never done it.
- You're the reason
why I had
To pick up an extra hummer
this week?
- Pop.
- James.
Um...
Is this a place
you frequent?
- Yeah, neighborhood joint.
What's up?
- Oh.
Um...
Your mother and I
Are getting a divorce.
- Kev, shots, please.
- Okay, I'll just be
down the hall.
You may hear some sirens
and stuff during the night,
But you'll be safe.
Okay, good night.
- Good night.
- Here you go.
Change of underwear
and a nightgown.
- I'll be back
in a second, molly.
Thanks.
- Oh, yeah.
No worries.
Night.
- Night.
- I will totally teach you
to swim.
We could protect one other
from city kids
Who hate white people.
- Oh, yeah,
that's just my girl penis.
- It looks exactly
like a boy penis.
- But I'm a girl,
So it's different.
- The incompatibility
finally caught up to us.
- When you moving out?
- Now, basically.
- Basically?
- Well, literally.
She, uh...
She changed the locks.
- Hmm.
Where are you staying?
- A hotel probably.
- So how's mom?
- Well...
She's fine.
Ah.
I'm being nice.
How's your mother?
Your mother,
She is on the final slope
downward
Into the pickle jar.
A pill to rise,
a pill to sleep,
A pill to numb her
throughout the day,
And then tanqueray
to wash it all down.
She changed the locks.
So be it.
- And remember to breathe.
- I don't want to do this.
- Just keep
reminding yourself,
This is love.
Say it with me.
"this is love."
- This is...
- Love.
Both: This is love.
- This is love.
- This is love.
- This is love.
- Exactly.
Okay, sheils,
you're good to go.
- Thanks, frank.
- This is love.
- ♪ you know
that you're pure lust ♪
♪
♪ to every girl
♪ you meet
- Wait, wait, it's not my fault.
I was over-served, okay?
- All right, let's just agree
to blame the bartender
And call it a night, okay?
- What, you picking up
a little crack first?
- This is where I live.
[clatter]
Hey, fiona,
ian, you've met my father.
- Hello.
- Hey.
- Whoa, whoa!
Ian, a little help here?
- Sure, sure.
- Hey, hey, hey.
Yeah, we were
at the alibi.
We had a few.
- Well, I'll get a pillow
and blanket.
- All right.
- [grunting]
- [sighs]
- This one's gonna take.
My boys are gonna hit
your bull's-eye.
- Mm.
- I can feel it.
Come on, boys!
- [laughing]
- swim!
Swim like michael phelps!
Swim, baby!
- Can a vagina go deaf?
- Whoo!
- [laughs]
- My parents
are getting divorced.
I mean--
- is that a good thing
Or a bad thing?
- I mean, now we have to spend
More time
with both of them, so...
Not good.
Listen, I'm sorry
that I brought him here.
It was just,
he was in a state,
And we were right around
the corner, and...
[chuckles]
- Let's end this day right.
- ♪ I spend my whole life
waiting ♪
♪ for you to say
you like ♪
[liquid splashing]
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
I'm done.
- ♪ I subjugate my soul
♪ but I make you feel
all right ♪
♪
♪ got a young man's libido
♪ and an old man's mind
♪ I want to kiss you
all over ♪
♪ I want to make you sweat
♪ I want to get
into your head ♪
♪ 'cause you're the one
I love ♪
- The fuck--
what the fuck?
What the fuck?
- Uh, I was looking
for the shower.
- Who the fuck are you?
- That's jimmy's dad.
- What's going on?
Oh.
- Whoa, dad,
where's your clothes?
- I was gonna take a shower.
I came into the wrong room.
- Yeah, then you hopped up
in my bed with a full chub.
Both: What?
- Jimmy's dad just tried to go
Balls-deep on me.
- No, no, I didn't--
- Then why'd you grab
my sack?
- All right,
cover up.
- Is everything all right?
- Doesn't seem to be.
- Uh, molly, debs, back to bed.
- Fuck.
- Are you sure?
- When you feel a full chub
Poking you in the back,
the meaning's pretty clear.
- Ned was looking for me.
I met him at a club.
We've been...Hooking up
for a while.
- You've been screwing
jimmy's dad?
- I didn't know he
was jimmy's dad at the time.
He's nice.
- Yeah.
Is this why mom
kicked you out?
- What?
No.
No. No.
- Does she know
that you're...
Gay?
- I'm not so much gay as...
Sometimes I enjoy men
more than women, you know?
No, no,
it's not that.
I-I'm broke, son.
Financially.
Broke.
That's why she threw me out.
That's...
Not the only reason,
But most of it.
I'm sorry
about in there.
- Were you trying
to screw lip?
- No, it was the wrong bed.
It's the other kid.
Ian.
I'll be at the four seasons.
I think I still have
a credit card that works.
- I'm so sorry.
- If I had to apologize
for all the stuff
My father's done,
I wouldn't have a voice left.
- Mm.
[hard rock music]
♪
- [sobbing]
- They were really nice.
- [sobbing]
♪